MY FATE IS WRONG! as expected
by CacciaFulmini
Summary: 7 Masters 9 Servant 2 Hachimans 1 Holy Grail and 3 Protagonists ready to fight for they dreams in a massive battle between ancient and nascent heroes the world has yet to see, Who's gonna win? the Loner, the Sword, the Homunculus or someone entirely different.[UBW storyline various elements from Kaleid & Apocripha Oregairu from vol 11](Powerful 8man & OtakuSieg) SAKURA ch
1. prologue

**-** **MY FATE IS WRONG AS I EXPECTED-**

 ***I own nothing***

 **attention this chapter contains an abuse of onomatopoeia,** **characters from other series (qualidea code, Full metal Alchemist, attack on titan, food wars, how to train your dragon, classroom of the elite & maybe more) and of the English lang** **uage**

* * *

 **brief synopsis before you get tangled in this ff**

This story is a WHAT IF battle/shounen crossover between Fate stay/night, Apocripha and Oregairu.  
It is set in Fuyuki during the fifth Holy grail war and it will tell the adventure of the three protagonists (Hachiman Shiro and Sieg) as they fight, grow and struggle to win, the war pulling out from their sleeves the dirtiest tricks possible and the sickest noble phantasms.

* * *

 **PROLOGUE**

Trifas Romany, the day the destiny started to move its gears

* * *

THE ARROGANT

 _Ti ti ti ti ti_

"Ugh stupid alarm!"

I muttered soundly smashing my fist in that hellish device.  
finally that blubbering sound had stop

"What time is it ?"  
I said slowly I turning the screen of my alarm.

I couldn't even imagine how late or how early it was. Today was the first day of the new year, the sun was still hidden from the horizon and surprising enough I was sober, or at least not as drunk as I usually am after a new year's eve

"6 o'clock….."  
Was someone messing with me why in the name of Gaia my alarm was set at 6 AM I went to sleep two bloody hours ago, how can I Gordes Musik show myself to other people without my beauty sleep, I'm fifty-one this year, I'm not awesome ( or thin) as I used to be.

"well if I GORDES MUSIK set my alarm at this hour I must have had some kind of purpose, yet even I Gordes Musik can't remember which was… GORDES MUSIK god my name has a nice ring"  
I thought as I got up from my canopy bed, a majestic piece of Victorian furniture made of the finest Elm adorned by cobalt silk sheets of high quality and wool blankets. With light steps, I reached the bathroom in order to start my morning routine.

* * *

(* the floor below Gordes's bedroom*)

"Hey, the castle is shaking again."

"Naw, that's impossible. Each wall is protected by high-level magecraft."

"Well, what could make this entire castle shake?"

"I dunno. Maybe an elephant with a single leg rolling down the stairs?"

"But why would there be an elephant in here?"

"I didn't say there was one. Just let it go."

* * *

*wasssshhhhh

"Ah the only way to start a day should be releasing some weight in the toilet, I may aim to lose some pounds this year"  
I said while dressing up after my morning pit-stop.

"Yggdmillenia uniform,Yggdmillenia uniform..."  
I muttered searching in my wardrobe.

"Ah, there it is!"  
I exclaimed when I found my uniform:

White pants, an XXL shirt of the same colour, both of them embellished by golden embroidery with shape of roots on shoulders and knees, nothing too fancy or to plain, just the uniform I used for formal meeting and I was pretty sure that if I, GGGGGG GORDES MUSIK slept so little I probably had a formal meeting in the morning.

After finishing to dress up I checked my appearance in front of the mirror I keep above my desk. Ten minutes of struggle against few rebel hairs and my aspect is as it should be… regal: blonde hair perfectly ordinated, my mustaches awesome as ever and my belly… not flat as I wanted, in my simple yet elegant outfit, I could stand proud as the noble I was.

"sir Musik"  
A voice called me from outside the room.

"What"  
I replied with sour voice

"It's half-past seven the meeting for the admission of the Ainzworth family in the Yggdmillenia clan has started"  
Oh that's right, I knew it was a meeting, but wait half-past seven? When I looked in the mirror it was barely seven o'clock , how long did I stare to my reflection! Probably not enough I still have some rebel hairs

Well, it doesn't matter.

"Yes yes … I'm coming"

I said opening the door.

Waiting for me I found a woman in her late teens early twenties, or at least with that appearance.  
This chestnut haired, red-eyed girl in front of me was nothing more than an homunculus, an artificial human being I created a few weeks ago, if I remembered correctly she was from the second generation and the first homunculus able to perform simple magecraft I've ever created.

"Escort me homunculus"  
I said without any kind of emotion

"Yes sir Musik "

"..."

A crude conversation the highest form of communication that an homunculus deserved to have with their creator.

"That's right! I didn't create homunculus to be kind to them, I created them because I needed tools, I created them because I'm an alchemist and as one I have to develop a new form of magecraft to transcript in my family's magic crest."  
I thought focusing on the meaning my homunculus had

but after walking for a few minutes in the hallways of the Yggdmillenia castle, my eyes began to square the girl besides me, not with the eyes of a lover, but with the eyes of a master artisan.

"Yes, she is just a tool but, really I can't stop from studying the beauty this individual I created; this immaculate pale skin, thin pink lips, shiny red eyes and perfect chestnut straight hair, each part of this girl tall one meter and seventy is a part of an hetaira beauty that only something artificial like a homunculus can have. "  
I reflected

In all my years as a magus I've created my fair share of homunculus, but for now she is the best homunculus I ever created, she can't feel or express any strong emotion and for this reason, she is both a primitive and a functional homunculus...There was a time, when I was younger, when I desperately tried to make my homunculus more human, by giving them emotions.  
Unfortunately, those individuals with a single year lifespan couldn't bear the emotions I gave them.  
They became difficult to control, and all of them started to ask me if I created them only to make them die. Quite a traumatic event that taught me that homunculus with emotions are useless, in fact, all the homunculus I created since joining the Yggdmillenia clan had only one thing that resembled emotions: Sarcasm.  
None think about it but sarcasm is probably the best insurance in case an homunculus starts to develop emotions or feelings, every growl of anger, every sigh of sadness can become a bitter laugh with the right dose of irony, forcing every homunculus discard each emotion they come across. In this way, I can keep all my homunculus under control, like this girl next to me for example.

* * *

After a few minutes of walking across the endless hallways of the castle, the homunculus and I reached the great hall of the great castle of Yggdmillenia.  
in the middle of the room, huge rectangular mahogany table towered the scene. In the long sides of the table an equal number of chairs was set, yet in one side had all those chairs occupied by the other member of Yggdmillenia's council, in the other part of the table only a chair was being used, by a young man with deep blue shades below his eyes.  
The homunculus beside me had told me who he was… The offspring of the Ainzworth family a noble Magus family who had fallen in ruin a few years ago.  
I didn't know what kind of magic this family researched, but I was pretty sure someone said that the Ainzworth family did experiments in order to reach the hero's Throne. A dimension outside time and space were the souls of those recognized as heroes, slept in eternal slumber, of course any kind of result with this kind of magic is a mere dream.  
Being able to summon an heroic spirit from the throne of heroes was something practically impossible for the high consumption of mana, and more importantly because it was extremely dangerous, an unknown heroic spirit out of control had already enough power to destroy an army by himself, a famous heroic spirit such as king Arthur could probably destroy countries without even sweating. Many great Magus had tried to understand what defined a true hero, which was the reason that allowed human being to ascend to the Throne of heroes making them become guardians of humanity and granting them power equal to their fame.

Only three magus families, Tosaka, Matho, and Einzbern, working together managed to summon a weaker version of a heroic spirit with the ritual of the holy grail war.  
Thanks to this ritual an incredibly powerful magical device, The Holy Grail, accumulate mana from the dragon lines of the planet and allows seven magi, know as masters, to summon a servant, the weakened version of a heroic spirit. Once the seven masters have summoned the seven servants, they fight against each other and the last one standing with his servant fin order to conquer the Holy Grail and all the mana within it; a power able to make one wish comes true.

* * *

As soon as my noble presence was noticed the leader of the Yggdmillenia clan Darnic Yggdmillenia greeted me.  
"Finally you've arrived Gordes now we can start this meeting"

Darnic Yggdmillenia... probably the eldest Magus I have ever known, yet he showed no more than thirty years, no one knew which was his secret to keep, his appearance so youthful. His built was pretty slender, his hairs were the only thing that betrayed his young appearance: they were grey of medium length with a few particular blue shades that run on some hair lock.

"Good morning uncle Gordes "  
"You are finally up uncle"  
The other two young Magus greeted me.

The first one was a young woman of nineteen years old, Fiore Forvedge Yggdmillenia; quite a cute girl with brunette wavy hair, clear blue eyes and a gentle smile, her body appeared fragile. Due to a magic circuits malfunction during her birth, she became crippled and wheelchair-bound.  
If I had to make a paragon she was like a snowflake something light and beautiful that must be handled with a lot of care.

The second Magus who greeted me was none other than Caules Forvedge Yggdmillenia, the younger brother of Fiore. Though Caules is eighteen, he has a childish, freckled face that does not match his age even if his black glasses give him a somehow a more mature look.  
The story of this child was quite particular from my point of view. An unspoken law of Magus families is to give birth to only one child. Caules birth is an exception that was granted by the crippled state of his sister. Fiore was born with exceptional Magic Circuits that appear in someone only once in a hundred years, but since it was uncertain whether the paralysis of her legs could be cured, the present head of the Forvedge family had his wife give birth to Caules as both a spare successor and a caretaker for Fiore.  
Unfortunately, a miracle didn't occur a second time, and when he saw Caules's mediocrity that embodied the decline of the Forvedge family, the family head decided that Fiore should be made the successor even if her legs didn't function and ordered Caules to be her caretaker.

"Sorry for my late arrival my alarm seems to be broken"  
I said as an excuse for my lateness while sharing a nod of greeting with the two young Magus who playfully called me uncle, and to the last two people of the Yggdmillenia clan sat at the table that didn't even bother to salute my person

Celenike Icecolle Yggdmillennia, a sexy… I mean a comely silver-haired woman in her twenties specialized black magic, (that is nice way to say she was a freaking psycho, that torture living beings with a magical help.)

And Roche Frain Yggdmillennia, the youngest Magus among the council he is sixteen, with wavy blond hair and a cocky smirk always on his face, in the moonlight world he is known as a prodigy in golem making,( but in my opinion he is just a little sociopath.)

"Good now I can sit"  
I thought finally reaching my seat.

"May I continue my speech"  
Said with an annoyed voice the Ainzword kid

"please"  
Responded Darnic

The Ainzworth kid took a deep breath and took a hair lock of his black hairs behind his ear and started.  
"As I was saying the request of my family is to become part of the Yggdmillenia clan and become independent from the Clock Tower, of course I'm well aware that an offering is required in order to join this clan, so here I'm ready to disclose all the secret that my family discovered on heroic spirits"

"Oh interesting, better shake him up, and make him more impulsive from the beginning"  
I thought starting to laugh

"Is something wrong with anything I said sir Musik?"  
Asked the boy with an bothered by my reaction

"What's your name again kid" -  
I said with a relaxed voice in order to annoy him more

"Julian"

"and tell me, Julian, what can be the use of the knowledge of your Family to our clan? "  
I told to the young man watching my words hit his face like punches.

"well he is already cracking another little push and he will be very easy to manipulate"  
I said inside my head

"I'm sure you're well aware that any experiment on the Throne of heroes had been incapable to bear fruit so, which can be the developments that your family have made in this field? I highly doubt you reached any kind of achievements otherwise you wouldn't be here… am I right"  
I stated looking at the kid

"And that was the last provocation, now I just wait for him to take the bait and reveal some information"  
I thought looking at the guy that...was smiling?

"Indeed my family lack any kind of tangible results but, the knowledge we got in all the years is no joking matter in fact with the right instruments we may even summon a servant"  
announced the brat with a calm I believed he had lost.

" Unexpected this kid has enough data to attempt the summoning of a servant... but if this is the case why is he even here to begin with. It doesn't make sense unless...he knows"  
I realized while a few drops of sweat appeared on my forehead.

"Of course I know what all of you, member of the Yggdmillenia clan, are thinking: how can he now that we … have access to the Holy Grail"  
Said the Ainzworth offspring emotionless.

"Oh Shit"

* * *

As soon as that brat, no, that evil schemer said the words "Holy Grail" the agitation on the faces of all the Yggdmillenia council member was visible.  
Drops of sweat came out on their head front, everyone was too astonished to even speak.

Only Darnic kept his cool, smiled back to Julian Ainzworth  
"I see you are well informed Julian Ainzworth, may I ask how you got this information"  
said the ancient magus

"Is nothing special in reality, last year for my nineteenth birthday I went to Fuyuki a simple city in Japan.  
there I found out that the fourth holy grail war had just ended."  
The kid began to narrate...but there was already something off in his story.

"people don't, found out, an holy grail war "  
I thought averting my attention from the kid's story

"I corrupted the priest in charge of Fuyuki's church and he gave me quite a bit of information about all the events that happened in the war.  
Of course, most of what he said was false, but thanks to him I understood how to use the dragon lines of the city in order to track down the Greater Grail, the physical manifestation of the holy grail system.  
It took me a while but after two weeks of work, I found a cave under the Shinto Temple of Fuyuki where the Greater Grail was hidden. To be honest I didn't expect the Grail to be a gigantic sphere made by crystallized golden women, it was a shock, but what was even more shocking was a crimson crystal embed in the Grail... I needed three days to figure out that, that crystal was a magical device built to connect the holy grail with some other system.  
There is no need to say that I tracked down this new system in Romany exactly in your castle"  
That brat concluded smirking.

None in the Yggdmillenia council could say anything that Ainzworth brat discovered the biggest operation of Yggdmillenia by himself (from what he said), and only God knows with how many people he shared this secret with. After all he came to us with too much confidence and immediately revealed what he knew about us without any kind of fear.

"He must be well aware that if we consider him a treat for our plans we won't hesitate to silence him.  
but if he is as smart as I think, he must have many insurances ready in case we attempt to get rid of him."  
I thought trying to figure out a way to get out from this unpleasant situation.

*clap clap clap*

"My compliments Julian Ainzworth I underestimated you"  
said Darnic clapping his hands,

"Indeed"  
Responded the kid with a cocky grin, proud of himself and of having his skills recognized by a great magic as Darnic Yggdmillenia.

"he says indeed, cheeky brat I will teach him respect"  
I muttered under my mustaches

"May I ask one question?"  
Asked the brat

Darnic rose his hand giving consent

"How did you put the crystal in the Grail?  
it's the only thing I couldn't figure out."  
he said putting his thumb under the chin.

" Ah so smart and couldn't figure this out"  
I exclaimed

"You probably know that during the fourth Holy Grail war the Caster servant went on rampage and the other servants were called in order to stop him."  
began Darnic explaining how the crystal was implanted in the Grail.

"Yes"

(I had just been ignored)

"What you don't know is that we had an agent that was in Fuyuki to check the course of the war and that, the holy Grail every time a servant is summoned or dies becomes susceptible to some magical frequencies, so with the right knowledge is possible to connect mystical codes to the Grail"

"... you had your agent reach the Grail and wait until a servant died in the battle against Caster"

"Precisely"

Well now the cat is out of the bag the brat knows 99% of Yggdmillenia plan... I still remember how bored I was while I was waiting in front of the Grail, hoping that a servant decided to die quickly.

* * *

Now all this meeting seemed to be frozen in time none try to speak so I decided it was time to introduce a topic that everyone seemed to have forgotten about

"Ehm "  
I coughed while scratching my chin

"You said that with the right "tool" you could achieve the summon of a servant, a remarkable thesis indeed but, how we can trust it isn't just a bluff to get closer to the Grail?"  
I provoked the Ainzworth

"Okay Is a bit desperate for attempt to provoke this child to make him shows his cards but better than nothing".  
I told myself

"Sir Musik what you said is indeed possible, I could feint the results achieved by my family just to get closer to the Grail, but I highly doubt that you would give me access to your data without any kind of proof of the knowledge I claim to possess, so .."  
the child stated taking my bait

"Yes say it show me your ace in the hole"  
I muttered

"I brought this"  
Julian said while pulling out from his pocket a card.

(I know, I wanted him to show his cards but I didn't mean so… literally.)

"What you see in my hand right now is the mystic code that embody, the power Yggmillenia will achieve if the Ainzworth family joins in"  
Said the Ainzworth offspring with a dramatic gesture and a deep voice I'm sure he didn't have two seconds ago.

"Can you explain?"  
Said Caules barely able to suppress the curiosity in his voice.

"of course, you see in this card right here is a mystic code that contain a powerful magic able to collect the power of a servant and allow the user to use this power as his own"

"I feel a, but, incoming"  
added Caules showing the serious side of himself

"But this card has a few flaws It need an enormous amount of mana in order to work and it must be linked to a servant"

"Linked to a servant?"  
I asked because even with my outstanding genius I didn't exactly get what the kid meant with " linked to a servant" and judging from the face of the other member of the council I wasn't the only one: Fiore, Celinke and Rosche were confused like me

"Yes What you mean by linked to a servant"  
said Fiore enforcing my question.

For a second I see all the confidence from this brat disappear, but all his insecurity is gone in the blink of an eye, and his brave front is reborn.

"when I said linked I mean that this card must first get the data of a servant.  
see the card as the monitor of a computer, if is not connected to a modem it can't display anything"

"So without the Grail that act as a modem, your mystic code is useless"  
Said Caules that among all of the members of the council was the only one that used a computer regularly and was, Of Course, the first one to get the similitude.

Actually that explained why this Ainzworth kid went through all this trouble in order to join Yggdmillenia.  
His family possessed a mystic code extremely powerful, but that only one that can make it work was us.

"This Julian was probably more desperate to join us than I originally thought.  
well...Yggdmillenia possesses great resources so the Mana issue can be easily overcome, but what makes us indispensable to him is our connection to all the data of the Holy Grail. In the past few months, I stole many information from the Grail but, they were only about the Einzbern's homunculus, thanks to those information my skills sky rocked and now I could mass produce homunculus that can be used as mana batteries."  
I thought putting together the pieces in front of me and wondering how difficult could be to activate that card.

* * *

While I was lost in my thoughts Darnic stared in the eyes of the young Magus in the other side of the table, eyeing the young magus that was barely twenty years old, and then saying

"I've one last question for you Julian of the house of Ainzworth, how many of this cards you can produce?"

"This one is part of an eight pieces set, they are still prototype, my family had made one card for each regular class plus one for the special class Ruler, this heroic class was never summoned in an Holy Grail war before, but it owns the peculiar skill of a magical defense of class EX.  
I named these cards the series of Black.  
The material to produce each card are rare and everything except cheap so right now eight cards is the maximum amount of mystical codes available "  
Said Julian

After a deep breath Darnic said the last sentence of the meeting

"Who's in favor of letting the Ainzworth family join the Ygddmillenia clan raise their hand"

Needless to say, everyone raised their hand putting the word end to that meeting of the first January two thousand and seven.

"yet something still feels off about this kid"

* * *

THE HOMUNCULUS

Cold,  
Yes, it was cold the first sensation I ever felt.  
But how can I know what cold mean if I have never known anything else?  
And this I  
who's I?.  
Well, I is me,  
yet what define me,  
what define myself

my person.

* * *

Let's start again my name is S.i.e.g.1 or at least is how the people behind the glass call me, Siegfried ìnsere essentia generation 1.  
That in Latin means, Siegfried essence transplant generation one.  
It doesn't make much sense, but the people behind the glass wanted some kind of "cool acronym " for their "secret weapon"...or something like that.

Basically I'm a homunculus, an artificial human being, I'm capable of magecraft and right now I live, no, I'm alive in a tank wearing nothing except for a pair of underwear.  
Every day some cables connected to my back start draining my mana in order to aliment a project for the people behind the glass,

"There he is "  
A voice roared sour.

"Wait sir Musik he is not ready"

"Oh shut that trap already Julian, I know he isn't ready I just wanted to check how he is growing"

And there they are, the people behind the glass, two of them to be precise, they check on me periodically and every time they start arguing about something.  
Usually, they talked about: my grown, my magic circuits and how I looked, thanks to them I obtained information on myself. Standing to what they: I've been alive for a month, I'd excellent magic circuits and that I looked like a nine years old boy, with brown hair and red eyes, and unfortunately for them, I needed to have the body of a fully grown man in order to be part of their plan.

"Do you think it will work?"  
Said the younger person behind the glass.

"I don't know, if I had been sure of the success of this experiment, we wouldn't have called this homunculus generation one, don't you think?"  
Responded the older person behind the glass with an unnaturally calm voice.

By the way... Another of their favorite topic was, if I was going to die.

The two people behind the glass checked a few screen in front of me and noted down some data, but then the older person behind the glass said

"Kid you know why you are here?"

"… "  
remained silent the younger person behind the glass taken aback from the sudden question.

"Don't bother to answer,  
Your cards, the answer is your cards Julian, but as all Yggdmillenia has seen there are a few issues… each class card is very powerful item, but every single class card is also too unpractical. Think how much Yggdmillenia expend each in summon, we need an incredible amount of mana to charge them, we need to let the card devour the catalyst of the summoning and then have someone to "install" the card on themselves. For what? I ask you, three minutes of transformation before the card runs out of mana and the user with his soul destroyed by the power of a heroic spirit?"

"I could not imagine how fiercely the mind of a servant would try to suppress the user of the card one, no one could and now I'm working on the new series of red to elimina-"

"Luckily I, GORDES MUSIK, came out with the idea of using homunculus as one use soldier and Roche discovered, during the summon of the Caster servant, that if the card is charged with the mana of a heroic spirit we need less power, and no catalyst"

"Wow It's very lucky that you decided to use homunculus instead of your-fat-self thank you… asshole"  
I thought staring at that man, Musik

"I still don't get how Roche had Avicebron give him jewels filled with his own mana, but I'm sure that the day after Roche could barely walk"

"Less you think about that part and better you will sleep at night"

"I mean Roche is sixteen and Caster was forty is disg"

"I said SHUT UP JULIAN!"

"That's right shut up they were right beside me, I heard everything E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G and believe me, it was atrocious."  
I thought trying to forget that night...ew

"Let's think about more useful things.  
this homunculus will be ready in a week, so you need to have Siegfried's catalyst for that time, am I clear, it's the first time we attempt to summon a Saber-class servant and if someone dares to mess up I will entrust them to Celenike's care "  
said Musik brushing his moustaches...wow those mustaches were awesome.

The young man, Julian  
"wait it is just me or Julian seems a girl's name, well whatever"

After listening to the words of the older Magus soundly gulped intimidated by the threat.  
"Yes, sir… eh sir, if we manage to transplant Siegfried's mana core, his heart in this homunculus, we will create a powerful weapon, but… I mean…, I have one doubt.  
We might be able to save this homunculus body and make him transform into Siegfried as many times as we want, but can we control him? And after a few transformation what will happen to his mind?"  
He timidly asked

"Wait. Hold on, are you going to do what?"  
I wanted to ask

"From our data, we can make a hypothesis, with repeated transformations the mind of the heroic spirit will replace the homunculus's one, and this might be a problem."

"so we return to the problem of the command seals right? We might kidnap the priest of Fuyuki, Kotomine Kirei, he should be the one in charge of the custody of the seals"  
Said Julian with careful voice.

I don't know this KotowhateverRei but kidnap him doesn't seem something easy

"Wrong, I have already a solution ahaha, all my homunculus can't resist my orders so even if a heroic spirit takes possession of the body I will still have control over him ahahah I'm a genius we don't even need command seals anymore"  
Said Gordes proudly

"Now come with me youngster, the Grail began to send strange data yesterday, it seems that some kind of defense system wanted to start, I need your help to change our mana impulse frequencies"

As soon as those two people behind the glass finished their conversation I was left alone this Cold tank.

I Moved my eyes and looked around the great basement I was kept in.  
The panorama never changed, just hundreds of tanks shining of a spectral blue in the darkness while cables filled with mana took energy from the tanks to some strange machine at the entrance, if I put a bit of effort I could see in the machine a card with the symbol of a sword master on it.

"So in the end the plan of the people behind the glass was pretty simple. They used hundreds of other homunculus like me to power their card, while I will become the shell for some random hero from the past… yeeee what a shitty situation …"  
I thought floating in my tank

* * *

A week

They said a week before I become a living weapon or another failed experiment,

Another week of life,

No,

Of being alive.

* * *

A few days passed, now I looked like a teenager, and my time on this planet was coming to an end.  
Yet no matter how sad that might seem I could not feel any emotions just a discomforting emptiness.  
Floating in my tank one time the thought "I don't want die" crossed my mind,  
but when I asked myself why I couldn't find any answer.  
After all I was created for this purpose if I couldn't accomplish it, which was the point of my existence, to begin with.

I even thought of escaping,

"Yeah with a miracle maybe"  
I told myself

"But , even if I could somehow escape then what… I didn't know the world, I didn't know what to do, the only things that I knew were the information that the people behind the glass gave me, the ones I have seen always behind this goddamn glass, and in none of those information was an answer to the question how survive outside my tank.  
If the results were always the same, which was the difference from dying in this castle or outside it?"  
I continues to repeat

Yet the thoughts kept coming

"I don't want to die"

"I don't want to be replaced by a heroic spirit"

"I WANT TO ESCAPEEEEEEEEEEE"

But I had to face the reality...I was even incapable of moving.  
"ahaha pathetic"  
was the only thing I could think, while all my attempts of screaming and writhing during the mana draining flashed in front of my eyes.

"How can I want a genuine life to live when I can't even react to my own pain hahahah"

I wasn't sure but I think I felt something coming out from my eyes.

*ta *ta *ta

A few light steps interrupted my thoughts, another person behind the glass was now walking in front of me  
I believe his name was Caules

"Finally a place where nobody can disturb me"  
The boy said while looking around, then he pulled out from his pocket a device I couldn't see it perfectly because some bubbles where in front of my eyes, but it was some kind of communication thing...

Looking around once more the Magus turned the device on…

"Ha ha ha ha ha  
Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want"  
and began to sing...scream or just emit sounds from his mouth

"Wait what?  
He, he is listening something…music! Why Is he listening to music here?"  
Really I couldn't understand what was happening, but in a second later I felt my ears begging for mercy.

Caules was… he was singing, and shaking his butt…

" _So tell me what you want, what you really, really want_ _  
_ _I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want_ _  
_ _So tell me what you want, what you really, really want_ _  
_ _I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)_ _  
_ _I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah"_

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhg someone anyone make him stop please."  
I said and I, literally, opened my mouth for the first time... all those substances I was floating entered in mouth they tasted of coconut and metal.  
And then it happened my hands moved to cover my ears, my first reaction, my first movement, the first time I acted in order to survive, yet the first time ever I thought "god please kill me".

"I can't believe it I moved I could move, I COULD MOVE! I CAN MOV"  
I happily said in my mind, but my joy was interrupted by a false note of Caules.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaa _AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"_

I had to get out.

The seconds went on and each word that left the mouth of the magus behind the glass was like a stab in my ears, even with my hands to cover them.

"I can't take it anymore I must do something"  
I told myself, so making recourse to all my willpower I took off from my ear my right hand, stretched it with all my might in front of me, touched the glass of my tank and put in practice the only idea I could come out with

" **Logic pathStraße **/opengehen"  
**** I said.

as I pronounced these two words, my Aria, I felt my magic circuits open for the first time, it was like being on fire and freezing at the same time.  
My mana was reversed in my right hand and then in the glass, I was touching; with this spell, I could feel all the molecular structure of the glass and modifies it in order to… shatter my prison.

" _Yo I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want_ _  
_ _So tell me what you want, what you really, really want_ _  
_ _I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)_ _  
_ _I wanna really, really, really wanna zigazig ah"_

"I WANT YOU TO SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPP"  
I screamed  
Or at least it was what I wanted to do, as myself and the substances I floated in were reversed out of the tank... but it was the first time I spoke so it sounded more like a whisper.  
a very intimidating whisper.  
Enough intimidating to make Caules stop singing, (good) but also to make him immediately attack me out of fear (not so good).

Yes, I know that a screaming, (whispering) homunculus, announced by some blue mana's lightning can be a surprise for a dancing teenager but I think, Caules overreacted.

As soon I was out of the tank, the young magus stopped singing, and in his eyes, I could see a beautiful mix of confusion and panic that even for an emotionless homunculus like me seemed amusing.  
Unfortunately, for me, his confusion lasted less than a second.

From disoriented and scared, to calm and lethal, that's how his eyes changed, I couldn't even move when, out of instinct Caules reinforced his left leg and hit me with a flawless roundhouse kick in the face.

"FUC"  
Was the only thought in my mind before his foot connected with my right jowl.

In a fraction of second, my world started spinning. I was sure I had lost at least two teeth, that my cranium was crack in a few points, and that my underdeveloped lungs made me unable to catch breath.

I felt a painful shock through all my body, and the world in front of me stopped to spin, I had crashed on something, I couldn't understand where I landed, my vision was too blurry, scorching pain was the only thing I could feel from my body.

"That's right living, no, being alive in a tank since I was born, no, created didn't reinforced my bones and muscle I'm like a newly born baby…yes, a newly born baby with all his bone shattered. I can't believe I was worried so much about my death the day after tomorrow and now I'm going to die like this…ahaha… this is pathetic… yet I still want to live genuinely."  
And these were my last thoughts before I fainted.

* * *

When I regained my senses I found myself bounded to an hospital bed, every inch of my body was screaming in pain and I felt the taste of blood in my mouth.

"Tell me what happened again Caules"

"I've already told you, Fiore, I was checking the homunculi and S.I.E.G.1 used a spell to break out from his tank"

"And then why there was your portable radio in the basement"

"I… well"

"You were singing again were you?"

"I, well, you can say…. Yes I was singing"

"Goddamn Caules ! you know bad things happen when you start singing"

"Oh, so it's my fault if a homunculus tried to escape while I was singing? "

"do you remember what happened to our cat?"

"Mister furry butt did NOT jump in front of that car because I sang to him happy birthday"

Two people right-now-not behind the glass were approaching the bed I was laying on, they were having a strange conversation that I wisely decided wasn't worthy of my attention.  
I closed my eyes and pretended to be, still unconscious.

"Gosh this is a mess, we need to implant the mana core in this homunculus now…"

"Are you sure I mean he still need two days to be fully grown up if we act too soon he will start aging normally, he looks fourteen, we should at least put him back into a tank and wait for another day"

"wow thanks, little brother, you just enlighten me, I wonder why I didn't thought to this plan before… oh yeah I now, is because this homunculus is on the verge of death after an idiot mistook him for a soccer ball."

"I'm sorry…"

"You better be"

"Fuck this conversation was worth my attention, they want to substitute my heart with someone else one, I need to escape."  
I thought after I realized ignoring people was an art I had yet to master.

Aware of my situation, I carefully tried to move but, I was still bound to the bed.

"Maybe I can destroy the belts around my wrists and ankles with magic"  
Was my first thought, unfortunately, I couldn't reach the belts with my powerless hands and even if I managed to, I wasn't sure my magic circuits could take another spell.

*BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM*

An explosion roared through the walls of the castle.

Voicing my thought Fiore said.  
"What was that?"

"I don't know"  
Responded her brother.

I didn't understand what's happening but maybe this situation could buy me some time to think a way to get out of here.

"Is everyone listening "  
A voice resounded from a speaker on the left side of the surgical room I was in.

"The Holy Grail security system kicked into gear. I repeat, the Holy Grail security system kicked into gear. A female servant from the Ruler class is currently attacking the castle, the homunculus are keeping her busy but they won't last for long, all the council members of Yggdmillenia and Julian Ainzworth go to the surgical room and complete the project S.I.E.G 1 or we won't stand a chance against the ahhhhh"  
said the voice before the connection died

"Oh my god we are in a pinch I've never heard uncle Darnic so troubled, do you think he is fine?"  
Said Fiore with trembling voice.

"I think I would be more surprised if he wasn't, that man knows a trick more than the devil, but a Ruler class servant uh, the only servant with a magic defense of level EX, that's quite a problem, uncle Darnic is right we need a Saber class servant, if we want to defeat her."  
Calmly answered Caules, I couldn't see his eyes but I was sure they were calm and sharp like when he kicked me.

"well. Look at the bright side. We don't have to tell anybody the mess I made anymore"  
He continued, and this time I was certain his eyes returned childlike.

"So the attack of this mysterious servant, my only chance to escape, became my death sentence…FUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK."

* * *

It was a matter of minutes before the members of the Yggdmillenia council came together with Julian and a tall homunculus, that looked in his thirties, arrived in the surgical room, most of them locked, surprised I was already here, but none asked any questions, they couldn't waste time.

"Ok we are all ready"  
Said Gordes

"Yes"  
Answered in choir everybody

"I'm going to give instruction only one time so listen to me : Fiore sedate the homunculus and open his chest, Caules support her, me and Julian will turn this homunculus in to Siegfried, Celinke you will take his heart with your black magic and Roche you just keep him alive until the operation is complete with your Golem control magic. Now Go!"

All magi started moving with precision at frightening speed, like the gears of a clock. I saw Celinke put on latex gloves, Roche's hands starting to glowing of blue, he must had activated his magic circuits, while Julian was putting a leaf dirty of blood on top of the same card I have seen in the basement from my tank, and Gordes was skilfully drawing a magical circle with mercury around the tall homunculus.

For some reason, I could recognize that magical circle, probably thanks to the knowledge that was implanted in my brain when I was created.  
That circle was the original magical seal used in the Holy Grail war to summon a servant.  
If what in my mind was right the cards of Yggdmillenia could only give the user, the clothes and the weapons of a servant, while the mind of the heroic spirit was forced in the user's body granting mastery over the weapon summoned and, in the meantime corrupting the user's mind.  
Using the original magic circle of the Grail and the power of the card, Gordes and Julian could probably transform my poor brother homunculus in the hero Siegfried for a brief time to take out his mana core and transplant it in me.

"Wait now I get it why Roche went in the basement with mercury, a homunculus, and the Caster card, before… "convincing " Avicenbron, he had drawn a magic circle, and used the magic of the card so the essence of the Caster servant could completely replace the mind of the homunculus… so much bloodshed for a fu"  
I thought before I felt a sudden sharp pain in my forearm.

it was Fiore that with a needle (way too big for my tastes), was piercing my skin and was pumping inside my veins some kind of anesthetic.  
It was a matter of seconds before my conscience faded away. The last thing I heard was Julian whispering to Gordes

"I thought we changed our mana impulse frequencies"

"The Grail retraced us faster than we expected, now we can't go back we must fight"

"Ahaha you must fight… Wrong I have to fight in your place _Assholessssss zzz."_

* * *

"Is he still alive Fiore?"

"Barely, uncle Gordes, his body started to change the moment we finished to implant Siegfried heart, his muscles have now stopped thickening and his bones are now fully repaired"

"What do you mean by "fully repaired" ?"

" Nothing Celinke, nothing my sister meant nothing eheh... it's possible that I dropped S.I.E.G.1 while carrying him here eheheh"

"Roche bring me my whip"

"Aye ma'am, may I recorder while you abuse him, if we get out of here alive I'll have some blackmail material"

"Suit yourself"

"Wait Roche Celinke, it's a joke right…right, I DON'T WANT TO BE LASHED AGAIN!"

"Stop all of you we don't have time for this bullshit"

"Thanks, uncle Gordes thank y"

"You can punish him later Celinke"

"Traitor"

"What was that Caules?"

"Nothing uncle…"

" Now. Hear my command homunculus I, GORDES MUSIK, order you to stand up"

* * *

The first thing I felt was pain (wow I always woke up in top shape), then some voices, they seemed so far away, and at the two words roared in my brain

"STAND UP"  
And so I did without even thinking, without even trying to oppose.

After I stood up I opened my eyes, before me six magi looked at me in awe while the corpse of a dismembered homunculus remained immobile in a corner of the room.

"It's just me or they seem all smaller"  
facing the people right-now-not-behind the glass

"Cool he is alive, include in him the card and send him against Ruler so they can kill each other"  
Said the smallest magus, Roche, with an exaggeratedly cheerful voice

"Sociopath," I said without realizing

"Uh"

He responded

"Uh"  
I echoed

"I talked, god, I talked without any effort I can't believe it"  
I joyfully said in my brain

And judging by the stares all the other Magi were giving to me they couldn't as well.  
except Caules he was less at disbelief than the others, maybe because of the shenanigans we had before.

"hahahahahah"  
Erupted in laughs Roche.

"You are a funny guy"  
He said

"But I hate funny guys"  
He finished while punching me in the guts with his fist reinforced by magic

*ugh*  
I emitted a deaf sound and fell on my knees.

The little Magus then kneeled and whispered in my ears  
"Now that you have stopped being funny get out of the castle and kill that bitch out there"

It was strange I thought I would have died from that punch, but it was lighter than I imagined, no, my body was tougher than before, so the punch felt lighter, it's like the moment I woke up, all the people before me seems smaller, but they weren't, it was me, I was bigger. I could feel in my chest a new heart beating loudly.  
Siegfried's heart was now in me and after each beat, I could feel new strength source from my body.

Fully aware of my new power I tried to grab Roche's right ankle as he was standing up but...

"Homunculus GORDES MUSIK orders you to come to GORDES MUSIK"  
said the fat magus

"Is it necessary to refer yourself in third person"  
I said… in my mind this time.

Without any kind of choice, my body followed the orders, and in spite of my desires, I found myself in front of the fat middle aged Magus.

"Carve my words in your mind: you will INCLUDE in yourself this Saber card and then you will depart to fight the Ruler servant and"

"Bla bla bla, I'm going to die anyway so I can ignore his anti-motivational speech."  
I thought while I finally mastered the art of ignoring people

"I never realized how small Gordes is, wow he is under one meter and seventy, he is probably one meter and sixty-eight, while I'm one meter and seventy-two at least, and I should look like a sixteen years old boy after Siegfried heart was transplanted in me.  
Wow, he needs to bend his neck to look me in the eyes, it's too funny,  
and his mustache, they are awesome why didn't they gave me moustaches."  
I monologued in my mind

"AM I CLEAR S.I.E.G.1"  
Roared Gordes

"Yes Sir"  
I responded while taking the Saber card from his hands.

"Strange"  
I thought

I couldn't believe how an object so light could weight so much in my life,

No,

In my being alive

* * *

I walked through the corridors of the castle following a female homunculus, in that looked in her early twenties, she owned the classic features of a Yggdmillenia homunculus: red eyes and brown hair.  
I was displaying the standard outfit of Yggdmillenia's homunculus black pants, a white shirt, a black vest, and I looked pretty awesome… for a dead man.

When we reached a massive door of wood she stopped turned her head to look me in the eyes and said  
"Here, after this door you will be out of the castle, your target will be around 500 meters away from you, do not try to escape you are still bounded by the orders of sir Musik, try to disobey would only make you lose time and energy, and S.I.E.G.1, for what is worth good luck"

"Thank you… eh which was your name again, I could have forgotten it"

Mmf*  
She lightly laughed.

"Do not worry, you didn't forgot anything, I simply have no name so I never told you one to appeal me, but if have to be honest I started to call myself Tool"

I smiled softly and said while turning my back  
"well, then thank you Tool, I will need a bunch of luck to survive today."

"Tool eh she chose her name, she saw what she is, and was able to transform it from the symbol of her irrelevant existence to the one her individuality, her name.

I wondered for all my life, no, my being alive what defined my existence, but I never thought about S.I.E.G. 1, my own name as a symbol of my individuality, I always saw my name as my death sentence, Siegfried, ìnsere, essential, generation 1. Those words meant literally that I would have been replaced by an heroic spirit, or by S.I.E.G.2,3,4,5,6,7…God knows how many.

Yet I think I may want a name in my last moments, I have been alive as S.I.E.G.1 all this time, but at least when I'll die I want to do it with a name. Sieg."  
I thought focusing for the first time on who I really was.  
With my mind made up I, Sieg, opened the door holding the Saber' card in my hand so tightly that my knuckles, became white.

When I got out of the castle for a moment I forgot all my fears, it was the first time I saw something different from a dark room and it was beautiful.  
Outside the Yggdmillenia castle, the panorama was probably nothing special but, to me, it was the most amazing thing I ever saw. Hectares of a bare forest encircled the castle, a thick blanket of snow covered the ground and mountains that I couldn't recognize stood out in the sky. Everything looked so far away but I felt like I could touch the wrinkled bark of trees and the snowy tops of the mountains with my fingers… snowy tips, eh.

I wonder how snow feels like.

I kneeled on the ground, put the Saber's card in my pants pocket and put my hands together to form a cup then, I pushed them in the soft snow that was around me.  
Pleasant chills ran through my body and the cold penetrated into my fingers, after a few seconds I raised my hands and put them on my chest.

"Ahahaha I never thought the cold could warm my heart up so much…wait ah ah ah it's not my heart anymore"  
I sarcastically said as my last moment on the earth began

*Boooom

Another explosion make snap out from my brief moment of happiness, and the words of Gordes resounded  
"There is a place and time for everything but, not here and not now"

So I stood up on my feet again, took out the magical card again, I held it with both my hands and started to pour my mana in it.

When I first reactivated my magic circuits I immediately realized they were different, they were wild and stronger, I felt like each beat of my heart made come out from my hands more mana, but that wasn't my mana anymore, it was a more ancient one: the mana of the Dragon Slayer Siegfried.

The card was ferocious, every drop of mana that came out from my hands was immediately devoured by the magical code. It took me two minutes of continue emission of mana, and an annoying ache to my magic circuits to fully charge the card when I finished the unknown swordman on the card was gone.

In its place, there was the picture of an awesome tall man with silver-grey hair. His body was encased in radiant silver woven plate armor. He carried his Phantasmal Greatsword, Balmung, on his back. His exposing skin was dyed brown with a light green glowing scar on his chest.

"So you're Siegfried uh"  
Was my first thought

-Well, at least my body will remain beautiful-  
Was my second one.

With trembling hands, I raised the card above my head,

"I could still try to escape"  
Was the only sentence echoing in my mind, but I was well aware that once Gordes gave me the order to fight the Ruler servant I couldn't run anymore.

"INCLUDE"

I whispered in the cool air of Romany, and the last thing I saw was after that was a magical circle spinning around me.

* * *

The body of a dead dragon, people asking for my help, countless swings of a greathsword, and countless men dying under them.

Those were the imagines that went through my mind, memories of a hero, which heart now beating my chest.

When I came back to my senses I felt powerful. I could feel newfound strength in each of my limbs and on my back a sheathed great sword.  
Following the noises of the battle, I reached the place where Ruler was fighting.

It was a matter of seconds.  
My speed, right now, was something that no human being could hope to achieve, I ran through nearly five hundred meters in the blink of an eye, and then I found her standing on the battlefield surrounded by Roche's broken golems and death or dying homunculus.

Ruler.

I had to admit that the servant in front of me was definitely the most beautiful girl I ever seen. Her eyes were amethyst-colored and they were… I don't know how to put it, completely pure, her eyes didn't have a shadow, it was like looking in a crystalline mirror of water. She didn't have the precise and molded beauty of a homunculus or the kind of cuteness that made one's heart flutter just by being nearby. She possessed a wondrous beauty that scarcely felt real if I wasn't sure it was impossible I would have thought I was standing before an angel. Her long blond hair was gather in a braid, and a French helm from the fifteenth century covered them.

I squared her with my sight and I lingered, for a bit on her… eh generous chest, then on the one-handed holy sword on her right hip, and the long pole she held in both her hands, probably her main weapon.

When she saw me, she stopped to make any movements, she realized that I was her last opponent.  
I slowly went to her, each step I made was beside the corpses of my brothers and sisters, definitely a sad scenery, yet no emotion surged from my heart.

While I was walking in the snow in a puddle of blood I saw my reflection, after INCLUDING the card in me the same armor Siegfried wore was on my body, his scar was on my chest, my skin was now tan like his, and our hair had now the same silver color.

"Gosh I'm hot, and a dead man, but a hot one"  
I playfully whispered with a faint smirk on my lips.

I was now in front of her, in front of Ruler, and… I realized that I didn't know what to do.

"I think I should have changed from the beginning instead of walking".  
I thought while having a staring contest with her.

None of us was doing anything ans probably she was thinking the same thing I was.

"Please! someone break this awkward silent"  
I screamed internally.

Still waiting for something to happen I begun to make order in my thoughts  
" Good reasons to attack: my transformation will last only a few more minutes so I shouldn't waste precious seconds,  
Good reasons not to attack: maybe I can talk my way out of here, get back with my skin in my tank… or in any other place in the world and I don't think I can win"

"Aren't you going to attack me"  
Ruler asked me with an unrealistic melodious voice.

That was bad hearing the word "attack" made me remember the voice of Gordes.  
"Fight Ruler, kill Ruler, fight Ruler"  
Was the only thing I could hear

The urge to fight Ruler, that until a moment ago, was canceled by my burning desire to run away, now was forcing myself to assume a fight stance: with my feet at shoulder width, my knees slightly bent, and Bahalmung, Siegfried's greatsword, held by both my hands in front of me.

I wasn't sure how long I could stop my body from attacking her, but I seriously doubted that I could beat her in a fight. I had indeed the power of a servant but I didn't have the proper experience to wield it against another servant, so fighting her head on was a suicide. That thanks to Gordes orders I couldn't avoid.

I didn't know what I was thinking but for some strange reason, I bit my tongue to regain some control and still tried to talk my way out of there.  
It was a pure madness, I couldn't imagine what made me decide to waste any more seconds of my transformation, maybe was her beauty or the desire to talk for the first time to a decent human being that made me say with trembly voice.

"Attack you is indeed the order my masters gave me, and I don't know how long I can restrain myself from attacking you… yet I'd like to have a short speech with you before our fight"  
After those words came out from my mouth I waited for two long seconds before hearing

"Fine, but first answer my questions."  
she said with serious voice

"First who or what are you? My sight as a Ruler allows me to discover the identity of every servant I see, in you, I see the power of the hero of the "Nibelungenlied" Siegfried, yet you are not him. Second, how can the Yggdmillenia clan use the holy Grail power? I was sent here with the purpose to stop the abuse of the power of the Holy Grail, yet I do not possess the knowledge to accomplish my mission without killing all the people in the castle. If you could tell me a particular artefact to destroy or anything like that in order to stop the abuse of the Grail's power, I would be very thankful for letting me avoid any more bloodshed"

She said after a bit of hesitation with her melodic voice.  
At first, she had an inquisitive tone, but when she asked me who I was she instinctively sweetened her voice. She probably got from my earlier speech that I was not fighting because I wanted to but because someone ordered me to.  
Who knows maybe she felt pity for me, or she was just so stupidly kind to be considered to everyone, after all, she asked me information to avoid killing those assholes of my masters.

"Well well well, you really know your business… fine I shall answer your questions.  
Who am I?  
I'm Sieg

What am I?  
this is a more tricky question, I'm a homunculus with a heart of a servant…basically I'm a proxy of a servant made for… bah I actually don't know my purpose, I think I'm a disposable weapon of some sort…

How to stop my masters from drawn power from the Holy Grail by destroying something?  
I don't know and even if I knew I highly doubt I will ever be allowed to say this information aloud…"

I said in a monotone, while in my mind I was happily thinking.  
"ahaha I know where the room of the crystals connected with the Holy Grail is but if you think I will deliberately save Yggdmillenia assholes you are wrong"

Then I said  
"if you have finished with your questions I'd like to ask you one question too"

"Go ahead"

"What is your name?"  
I asked the gorgeous lady in front of me.

For a second she looked at me in shock and a faint blush spread across her cheeks.  
I couldn't understand why her reaction was so surprised until I realized a thing.

It was dangerous to ask a servant to reveal their name. Knowing the name of a servant you become able to find precise information on their history, strengths, and weaknesses, so giving away their identity for a servant might be a fatal mistake, even so, I wanted to know "who is the hero that will take my life".

"Jeanne… Jeanne d'Arc, pleased to meet you"  
she said over-politely

"Jeanne… thanks to be the first person that had with me a human conversation"  
I said to her.  
it was stupid but the bittersweet voice she used with me and the concerned expression she assumed when she asked for my identity was the kindest thing anyone ever did for me.

Looking at her in this snowed battlefield I couldn't think how such a kind girl could have been a warrior.  
I knew the story of Jeanne d'Arc, a holy maiden that inspired people to fight with her faith and that died burn at the stake.

She had suffered more than I could even imagine, yet she could still be this kind.

Thinking about her story made me feel… sad, Yes I was sad for this girl because as much as me, she found herself in a situation she didn't ask to be in, she fought and died for others, truly an hero.  
I was sure that Yggdmillenia attacked her first because I could read in her eyes that she didn't want to kill anyone, she may even felt guilty about it.  
so I decide to tell her the only advice I could give.

"Jeanne one thing, I can see you are a kind girl but, let me tell you this: do not have mercy for the people in the castle or me because"  
Unable to restrain my urge to fight her anymore I stepped forward and rose my two handed sword, covering the last meters between me and her in the blink of an eye.

"None will be given to you"  
I said swinging my sword to the right side of her neck

* * *

As much unexpected as my blow was, nothing could against Jeanne's pole, that the girl swiftly moved to stop my incoming swing.  
After my first attack, she immediately responded, with a sudden thrust of the lower part of the pole in my ribs, I tried to dodge by twisting my body to my left but, my action was anticipated by Jeanne that promptly made her thrust became a wide swing aimed to my chin.

When I saw the pole coming for my face I waited for the pain. It was only when the pole hit my chin and bounced off

"Siegfried was known for his indestructible skin the ARMOR OF FAFNIR."  
I realized as the weapon of ruler could barely scratch me

"When this hero killed the ancient dragon he bathed in its blood and gained the power to talk with animals and an invulnerable body, except in a part of his back where a leaf stuck during the bloodbath and prevented the dragon's blood to empower Siegfried's skin…  
Holy shit the leaf that Julian had in the surgical room was that leaf"  
I thought analysing the information I knew.

After coming to this realization a voice in my head said something about me being immune to any kind of attack made by Noble phantasm below rank B.  
Aware of my advantage I drove my right fist in the still confused Jeanne stomach, the B+ strength of my punch blown her away, throwing her ten meters further.

Without waiting her to land I used the skill of the Saber class, Prana burst, making a great amount of mana that swelled in my body was reversed outside it, empowering me,  
The blink of an eye and I was dashing towards the point Jeanne would fall, swinging my sword in a wide arc aiming at her torso.  
The girl twisting her body in mid-air dodged my sword, and kicked my head with all her might, I was forced to flinch, her strength was around B so she was barely able to hurt me, but those two steps I took to regain my balance gave her enough time to land and start savagely attack me with her pole.

We started to exchange blows,

"Here it comes the pole"  
I thought

Swing to the head. Intercept.

To the tights. Dodge.

To the waist, Dodge again.

To the left arm, parry.

To the right arm, parry once more.

Thrust in ribs, fuck!

Metallic noises filled the air, while bluish and purple arcs were traced around Jeanne and me by our weapons.

*clank, clank*

I was staying on the defensive, parrying and deflecting her blows with incredibly precise movements of my blade, even if I could take many of her attacks without, suffering any injuries, thanks to my skill let her break my defense would be suicidal.

"If I let her hit me, god, know how many blows she would land."  
I thought while countering a strike,

My feet were sinking in the snow, and dodging with a hair thin space another thrust of Jeanne's pole I readied my sword.  
"Now is my turn"  
I screamed feinting a descending diagonal swing.

She took the bathe and rose her spear-like pole,  
I swiftly thrust the of my sword pommel in her waist's left side.  
She was left without air in her lungs,

"Leave her no time to react"  
I thought headbutting Ruler.

After taking two powerful blows Jeanne was forced to back away few steps giving me time to overturn the situation.  
Now I was leading the fight, I kept slashing and thrusting my sword at Jeanne using my superior Endurance to attack her no stop, without giving her any rest.

With each swing, with each blow I exchanged with Jeanne I felt my movements get better, my footwork improve, and my instincts sharpen. Unfortunately, as the time went on my mind was also slipping away and the Siegfried one was taking its place in my body.

When I realized that I lost the track of the battle and hesitated.  
Suddenly I wanted to stop, in order to preserve, my existence, but the orders of Gordes and the fury of the battle made me unable to back off.

Two seconds, it was that the time I let Ruler and her Seizing the chance, sped up all the attacks and hit all my joints at the same time a lightning fall on the ground.

Jeanne had now stated to fight more aggressively all her attacks had become faster, sharper and more powerful, I could barely keep up with her without returning to a fully defensive tactic.

"She had stopped to hold back"  
I thought as the spear-like pole began to storm on my body.  
At the beginning of the fight, Ruler's movements weren't even the shadow of the ones she was displaying now.  
"they have become more refined, without any kind of waste"  
I thought Surprised by the development, yet I was puzzled.

" Why she would hold back against me and then go all out.  
If this is her real level of skill she had played with me all this fight,  
why would she go all out now, when she could fake to barely beat me and trick all Magus in the castle about her real power"  
I wondered as the ARMOR OF FAFNIR, my ace in the hole; the one I "didn't" want to abuse was now, the only thing that stopped Jeanne to cut me in tiny little pieces.  
her blows descended on me like heavy rain and I didn't even dare to think what would happen if my transformation ended right now, but of course, I began to feel my body very heavy.

"Bad news I can feel that the transformation is about to end…"  
I cried in my head.

Funny thing my plan at the beginning was to wait until the right moment and then counter one of Jeanne's attack and end the fight with the mightiest blow I could muster. But with the countless blows she was landing on my joints and the imminent end of my "Siegfried mode", I decided that I couldn't waste any more time and I musted end the fight in the next seconds.  
With a powerful jump, I backed away trying to gain precious space and rest to plan my next actions.

"It is a matter of seconds before the card runs out of mana, and I'm not even sure if I can survive the change back.  
I have only one chance to win"  
I thought realizing that I needed to throw away the defence and focus on one finishing blow.

Jeanne was charging me for the umpteenth time, holding the pointed tip of her pole in front of her, she was probably thinking that I would easily dodge her first thrust and then we would start one more dance of blows exchanges, but her plan wasn't going to end well.

Recognizing that moment as my only possible occasion left, I rose my sword for the last time and charged against Ruler pouring all the man I had left in the Prana burst.

I and Jeanne clashed, but this time instead of parring or dodging her pole I threw myself in front of it.  
The tip of the pole sank into my flesh right above my belly button ( yes homunculus have belly buttons!), the nauseating taste of blood filled my mouth and a troubled expression was painted on Jeanne's face.

"sorry Ruler but now it's over"  
I said with ominous voice.  
Making recourse to all my will power I stopped Jeanne from moving by "hugging" her with my left arm, even if it meant making the pole carve even deeper into my guts, while with my right arm I slashed at the girl's head, with my great sword that was still glowing of blue after the prana burst.

"I win"

Was the only thing in my mind

But I stopped my arm before hitting the girl.

"I won but how can even matter.  
She fought me holding back for almost all the fight, out of concern for me.  
Only now I get it, when she started to get serious all the blows she landed weren't meant to kill but to stop me, my shoulders, my legs, all my joints were repeatedly hit, to make me stop fighting. I said her not to have any mercy so why she remained so stubbornly focused on showing ruth to me?"  
I thought until painful shocks went through my spine.

"Well if she wanted to save me... haha I ruined her plans with my suicidal attack.  
now I've really made a mess"  
I muttered before a blinding light came out from my body and the Saber's card fell on my feet.

suddenly I felt my head split in two, my brain was trying to eliminate all Siegfried's memories: faces places, and battlefields I never saw ran through my head, only to disappear.  
My magic circuits started to scream and all the pain I had ignored until that moment tore apart my consciousness.  
I was sure I would have already fainted, if not for Jeanne's pole still embedded in my body.

The last thing I saw was a shocked Jeanne that could barely keep her tears while muttering  
"My lord… this wasn't supposed to happen… he was innocent…I was careful not to hurt him… why…"

I couldn't stand to see her sad face, my existence wasn't something worth tears.  
Trying to prevent her from more sadness I used my last strengths to bring my mouth next to Jeanne's ear and whisper

"shh you don't have to cry, you did nothing wrong  
Me, and all my brothers and sisters were ordered to fight and so we did  
you just defended yourself as it's right"

"But but…"

"R-Relax we are just homunculus we are disposable  
and look, you left alive nearly half of those that were sent against you.  
I find that impressing"  
I continued raising my index and indicating all the bodies still grunting on the battlefield.  
I couldn't believe how tiring was that simple action.  
For some reason, this fact didn't help her to cheer up, on the contrary, she, now had definitely started to cry.

"But all of you were innocents"

"Jeanne you're a kind girl, but do not have mercy for the people in the castle or me because none will be given to you"

I concluded with the suggestion I said to her at the beginning of our fight and left my conscience fade away, I swear I heard a melodious voice it saying  
"You're wrong, if what you said was true then why you stopped your swo"

* * *

"Shit shit shit shit S.I.E.G.1 failed, we are all going to die"

"Calm down Caules, despair won't help us"

"Oh shut up Julian, wasn't yours and uncle's Gordes duty, prevent any of the Grail security systems to track us?"

"…"

"You're saying nothing, speak goddamn, wasn't your duty to prevent THIS SITUATION"

"Silence both of you, Caules, you're my brother, but I swear I'll slap you in the face if you don't calm down, Julian we will discuss your faults later, am I clear!"

"Yes"

"…yes"

*screek

The door of the control room where the Magus were gathered opened

"Coff coff coff, you're all alive good"  
Said Darnic covered in dust

"Give me information what happened after I ordered you to summon Siegfried"

He continued.

"Well. We went into the surgical room and successfully, transplanted Siegfried's heart into S.I.E.G.1 chest, the homunculus was modified well enough, and didn't rejected the heart on the contrary he was able to fully complete the graft."

Started Celinke.

"After he woke up we immediately sent the large mouthed homunculus against Ruler, He managed to charge and include the Saber card and started fighting with the blonde girl (bitch) that destroyed all my golems, they were like pow bam swing boom"

Continued Roche

"Now Ruler has just defeated S.I.E.G.1, the transformation ended before he could deal the finishing blow, and… and for some reason Ruler hasn't attacked us yet, she is gathering the bodies of some homunculus around S.I.E.G.1 in this moment, we believe she is preparing her noble phantasm"

Finished Gordes just before the angered voice of a woman resounded in the walls of the castle.

"Yggdmillenia Clan your champion is defeat, you no longer, have any chance of victory.  
I will now retire from the battlefield, collect you wounded, and treat their injuries, I will give you time until sunset, to decide whenever surrender, or face me again."

"Amusing. It appears, Ruler was not preparing a noble phantasm, but collecting survivors. Right now is 4:27 PM we have roughly three hours before sunset. Mmmm, Gordes send your homunculus to retrieve the Saber card and S.I.E.G.1 or his corpse we can't lose Siegfried's heart if some of the other surviving homunculus can be ready to fight again in two hours retrieve them too otherwise kill them. Roche, I want you to create disposable golem as many you can use the Caster card of Avicebron for support. Julian Celinke prepare the Lancer card. Fiore overview the medical treatment of the homunculus and Caules I want that special magic code ready in an hour, take the Ruler card with you. Do not waste any second, if you need me I will be repairing the damaged zones of the castle.

WE ARE GOING TO WIN THIS BATTLE!"

* * *

When I regained my senses I found myself bounded to a hospital bed, every inch of my body was screaming in pain and I felt the taste of blood in my mouth.

"Wait dejavu haven't I woke up in the same situation not too long ago…"  
I thought,

"Mmm no this time I'm hungry, wow it's the first time I actually feel hungry. Wow it's a strange sensation it's like having a hole through the stomach" I said aloud, while looking at my tummy, only to see that I had an actual hole through my stomach.

"Why the fuck I have hole through my stomach!?"  
I screamed.

Then all the memories of my fight with Jeanne came back into my mind, our weapons clashing against each other, the fury of the battle, and the teary expression of a distraught girl.  
Regaining some semblance of calm I quietly said

"I survived, I Sieg survived, yet I'm anything except happy, I'm still here in this castle, and if even one of my masters is still alive they will gave me again that cursed card and will make me fight against Ruler again"

Always bounded by leather belts to the hospital bed, I closed my eyes and focused on the noises of the medical machines around me, many of them were attached to my body, in particular around the hole in my stomach. I remained immobile on the bed listening to those bip* and tiiii* that every machine made, with a hole that big above my belly I was lucky to have survived long enough to be rescued, I was sure the only thing that now kept me alive were these devices connected to me.

* * *

I was thinking about what was going to happen when suddenly, a girl on a wheelchair, Fiore entered the surgical, room.

"I can't believe it twenty homunculus still alive and uncle Gordes took back only four of them. Ahhhhh the ultimatum is in two hours and I have to fix you"  
She said exasperated while approaching my bed, she checked my vital parameters on a random monitor muttering, some lines of a spell.

Immediately after she stopped mumbling, I felt pleasant chills run around my wound, she had cast on me a healing spell, but judging from the speed of regeneration I doubted she could heal me for the ultimatum.

"Hey sister I finished my magic code and uncle Darnic told me to help you"  
Said a bespectacled guy while entering in the room, Caules the singer.

"Lil' brother thank god you're here help me healing S.I.E.G.1"

"Of course"

A few other muttered lines of a spell and the pleasant chills doubled.

"Hey Caules"

"What Fiore?"

"Can you tell me what is the "secret magic code" you worked on"

"I don't see why not "  
Said the boy, stopping his healing magic and taking out from his pockets a dagger long twenty centimetres (He had pretty big pockets) and a sphere of dimension of coconut.

The dagger had an obsidian blade rectangular shaped, so it wasn't meant to stab people, was bereft of guard and had a simple hilt made of black wood.  
Meanwhile, the sphere was transparent and judging by a thin line, it was possible to open it.

"What is it?"  
Asked Fiore.

"Well, you see, what I have here is an insurance made in case a homunculus went out of control.  
This poniard is a mystic code that drain mana, while this ball is where the mana is collected"  
He said handing the devices to his sister. (That has stopped to heal me as well… ouch)

"Ah pretty awesome how many mana units can be accumulated the ball"

"Roughly five hundred, the problem is the speed of the drain and the overheating of the poniard "

"Uncle Darnic plans to stab Ruler and take her mana?  
Five hundred mana units is impressive but, a servant is made of much more mana, stab (oh it was meant for stabbing) her would probably slow her just for a second"

"Indeed that would be the case"  
Said Caules while taking the ball from Fiore,

"But using this tool"  
He said pulling again something out from is pocket (Just how big are those pockets!)

"I can drain instead of her mana her soul"  
The magus said holding the Ruler card in his hand.

*pop*

Quite a funny sound announced the opening of the sphere. The young magus slipped the magic card inside it with a gesture he told the sister to hand back the dagger.

"Admire our secret weapon " (Not so secret anymore)  
Caules said after hooking the ball to the end of the hilt, leaving a quite ridiculous result.  
The ball that should have looked like a pommel was way too big, so the mystic code in its whole looked completely disproportionate.

"Wait how it is possible to "drain" the soul of a servant with a device studied for steal mana"  
Said confused Fiore

"Let me ask you how do Masters sustain their servant energy when they can't supply any mana?"  
Asked Caules ready to start an explanation.

"Consuming the souls of living being"

"Exactly.  
As you know souls can be turn in to mana, but the other way around is not possible, or should I say it wasn't possible until he was created."  
Said Caules pointing at me

"Look at S.I.E.G.1 he turn into Siegfried because he can produce the mana of the heroic spirit and then he pours it in the card.  
you know that the card filled with mana connects to the Holy grail and allows the transformation, but what you don't know is that every time he produces that mana Siegfried soul grows inside him"

"Wait Caules, what do you mean with "produce" didn't we replaced all his mana with Siegfried's"  
Interrupted even more confused the wheelchaired girl

"No we couldn't replace all his mana, the strain on its body would have been too much, in order to use Siegfried's mana he must first gather his own mana in the mana core we implanted in him and only then he is able to call at forth the power of the heroic spirit.

Think about it, we put in S.I.E.G.1 the heart of Siegfried, a mana core, instead of transplanting something easier like an arm.

Why?

Arms may contain magic circuits and if those of a mortal and those of a heroic spirit were to connect all the information of the heroic spirit would uncontrollably flow in magic circuits that can't simply resist that power, and the soul of the servant would immediately try to devour the mortal one with catastrophic results. A Heart instead is more difficult to use for extracting information and mana of a servant but the strain on magic circuits is exponentially lower. The information of the heroic spirit still goes through the mortal magic circuits but the power is less violent and more controlled so the servant's soul replacing the mortal one is a slower and safer procedure."

Said Caules at the speed of light.

"So…Basically S.I.E.G.1 can use Siegfried's mana when he wants but will kill himself doing so.  
We didn't transplant the arm of a servant on our homunculus because otherwise, the mana would have flowed in an uncontrollable manner killing S.I.E.G.1 immediately."  
Asked Fiore slowly

"Caules simple is better you know…"

"yeah, I know but you got wrong one thing."

"..."

"S.I.E.G.1 can't summon the magic of Siegfried at will, he still has no idea how to channel his mana into his new heart, he must always touch the Saber card.  
The card steadily search for the mana and soul of an heroic spirit and, in this case, force S.I.E.G.1 to produce the mana of Siegfried"  
Said Caules puffing his cheeks

"That means that mystic code can take Ruler soul because the card with the same mechanic. You said the card always search for servant's mana, so if we stab Ruler with your dagger, the card will absorb her mana and her very soul."  
Said Fiore understanding the situation

"You stole my lines."

"Uncle Darnic wants to prepare as much firepower as we can, before twenty past seven. Then he will surrender to Ruler and lure her in the castle.  
Only to let us attack her with the noble phantasm of Lancer, Roche's Golems and all uncle Gordes's homunculus left, in theory, this will weaken her enough to be vulnerable to my dagger"  
Responded her brother puffing his cheeks even more, and then assuming a calm tone

"Interesting, the only problems are: how to lure Ruler, if we can weaken her, how to stab her, how long it will take to absorb her with her attempts to free herself. HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU THINK THIS PLAN WILL EVER WORK"  
Said angrily Fiore.

"Hey sister I never said it was a good plan, but it's our best way out, we can improve our chances if you can fix S.I.E.G.1 in time, we can make him unleash Siegfried's Noble Phantasm against Ruler and wound her more"

"Ok…I'll do my best, but I'm pretty sure he will die after using his noble phantasm, two fights as Siegfried in less than 24 hours, his body won't survive the strain"

"Yeah I know but look at the bright side if this plan works we are still alive and we can create a homunculus that will replace Ruler, imagine a servant with magic defense of level EX, no Magus will ever try to oppose us."

"Seems fair, now start healing him again otherwise he won't be of any help"  
Concluded the conversation between siblings Fiore starting to heal me again.

"Aaaaa that's better"  
Was my first thought after hearing their conversation

My second thought was  
"oh God this nightmare is still going on, and this time Jeanne might die too, fuck, fuck and once more fuck"

"it isn't a plan with a 100% rate of success but, with a bit of luck, they may even defeat Ruler.  
I don't know who was the Lancer servant that Yggdmillenia wanted to use but he must have an anti-army or anti-unit noble phantasm, and pretty strong too.  
Me too, while on Siegfried mode I possess the powerful noble phantasm Balmung.  
The demoniac sword when called with its true name the sword could release an A+ beam that could destroy entire armies, it was a wave-like attack so closer to the enemy is more damage will take. If I was to unleash my attack on Jeanne it possible to even kill her"  
I thought during the healing...Darnic's plan was dangerous

Feeling my energies disappear after thinking I slowly lost consciousness again, being healed was more tiring than I imagined

* * *

When I woke up again The pain in my stomach was pretty much gone but I could still see a pretty big hole in my belly. The Forvedge siblings had stopped to magically heal me and now I was left alone in the surgical room, in the corner of the room I could catch a glimpse of the magic circle, drawn by Gordes a few hours ago.

"Wait what time is it?"  
I said voicing my thoughts,

In the candid surgical room, fortunately, for me, there was the blandest clock ever created right in front of me.

" 7: 10 PM, if I remember correctly, the singer said the plan would start at 7:20…yee still ten minutes of life, no being alive"  
I said in my usual emotionless style

With a great amount of depression in my bloodstream, I started to imagine the near future.  
"Chance number 1 Jeanne kick everyone asses and I might even survive"  
"Chance number 2 Jeanne is defeated and becomes the new picture on the ruler card, while I die after using my noble phantasm"  
"Chance 3 I free myself in ten minutes find the Saber card and destroy the castle before anyone of the Yggdmillenia council can give me a direct order, this is a blind bet I may or may not die."

Ti* 7:11

The sound of the clock made me chose the chance 3 immediately.

I checked the situation of my magic circuits injecting a bit of mana in them: they were a strain but I could manage to cast at last one spell.  
- **Logic pathStraße **/opengehen**** -

From my hands a blue lighting of mana erupted and ran towards the belts around my wrists, a burning pain surged from all my body, my magic circuits had been use too much for only a day. Looking at my mana I realized that Caules was right this was my usual mana, not the one I used to charge the card.

Using the same spell I used to break my tank, I changed the molecular structure of the leather belts, and gave them the consistency of a deadwood.

*urgh

With a violent yank of my arms and I'm set free, unfortunately, the abrupt movement I made, reopened my wounds including my "fantastic" hole in the belly that had stopped bleeding for some kind of witchcraft.

Ti* 7:12

Sharp pain ran through multiple parts of my body while warm blood started to stain my patient clothing, weakly standing up I limped to the closest table and searched for something to stuff my ears with. If I couldn't hear any order I couldn't execute them, after a second of treasure hunting I found some paper napkins, and I made them work.

Ti* 7:13

Slowly reaching for the door I tried to remember the layout of the castle, but every time I traveled through the halls I was unconscious or walking to my death so I didn't have clear ideas of how to move in the castle.

Ti* 7:14

My head starts spinning, I have lost too much blood, trying to walk straight I arrived in front of the door and pulled the handle, it was closed.

Ti* 7:15

"daamn five minutes left, think something think something"  
Was the only loud thought In my mind

I extended my hand towards the door and pronounced my aria, but the pain of activating again my magic circuits stopped me from completing the spell

*a..a..a*

A throttled shout came out of my mouth, the metallic taste of blood numbed my tongue and my knees couldn't hold up my body anymore.

Ti* 7:16

I was on the ground, my hand could barely touch the door, my face was smashed on the ground and another droll of blood started to come out of me, this time from the nose, I couldn't move, again, like my whole life, no my being alive, I couldn't move, even a finger.

Ti* 7:17

"Why…Why…Why, why I'm alive…why me, I'm part of nothing but a product of an assembly chain, then why… Why I should be Sieg, why I should be S.I.E.G.1.

WHY THE FUCK I CAN'T MOVE WHEN IT MATTERS, I CAN'T MOVE FOR MY SAKE, I CAN'T MOVE FOR OTHERS SAKE, I'M A PATHETIC ALIVE BEING THAT SHOULD ONLY BE IN A GODAMN TANK AND BE LIKE A GOLDFISH"  
My whispers of sadness and screams of rage engulfed the room.

Ti* 7:18

"I want to have purpose in my being alive, I want to be proud of my choices not be someone else puppet.  
I thought "do something good before dying",  
I thought I could stop that beautiful girl from crying, but I couldn't.  
I thought I could help her, and I will be the one that would inflict her the final blow,  
that's quite ironic.  
Maybe I should die before someone decides it's my time to go in battle, maybe I can in this way save Jeanne, maybe my only purpose was to die… "

Ti* 7:19

"But if my purpose is to die I won't die alone"  
I said forcing my body to stand and slowly getting on my feet.

I had left a bloody puddle on the floor but I couldn't care less.

- **Logic pathStraße **/opengehen**** -

I opened my magic circuits again, I felt like tearing apart.  
tightening my teeth I started to direct my mana in my heart, no Siegfried one.  
It was an incredibly tiring task, Caules was right without the card I couldn't use, heroic mana.  
yet I was able to create a bubble of it, I could feel it in my blood,

Ti* 7:20

Vibrations from the ground reached my feet I was sure it was almost all the Yggdmillenia council, I reached that bubble of heroic mana, and use it to reinforce my arm, the glowing scar of Siegfried appeared on my forearm, and my strength was incommensurably bigger than before. It was a mystery how I was still conscious I could feel my body fell into pieces, and then the white patient vest I was wearing was now completely red.

The door was opened in front of me by a hurried Roche, that had the Saber card in his hand , followed by Celinke, Gordes and Darnic.

I didn't wait when I saw their faces I decide it was time to act. I smashed my fist into the ground.

*vrommmm

A roar echoed in the castle, I looked at the faces of my masters, they were saying something but I still had paper in my ears so I didn't quite catch what they said probably something along the line of "what the hell".

I felt my body thrown in the air like a rag doll, the panels of the room's flooring, flew in all directions.

In a second everything ended, I had landed on the panel were the magical circle was drawn, I was sure to have kill the Psycho kid Roche, and the other magi were also death or heavily wounded, now Jeanne could hope to peacefully, accomplish her mission.

"Who knows what she will do next, if my knowledge is right she will remain on this planet until the next Holy Grail war starts, I bid her good luck…  
I wanted just to live a genuine life…"

Those were my final words, said when my breath couldn't find a way out from my lungs, probably all my bones were broken.

*shhhhhhhWING

A red light sourced under me and my right and started to tickle, or at it was what I thought was but it was too late whatsoever was happening didn't concerned me anymore.

* * *

"HELLO TO THE HOLY GRAIL SYSTEM I'M JUSTEAZE LIZRICH VON EINZBER!  
YOU ARE THE FIRST SERVANT SELECTED FOR THIS **FIFTH HOLY GRAIL WAR!"  
** Said a cheerful lady with beautiful platinum hair and red eyes.

"Wait what !?"  
Responded a Japanese man around his late twenty.

"HERE IS YOUR NEW MASTER, please look in the magic mirror"

"Oh shit that boy look like a gruyere"

"HERE ! IS ALL THE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ARE IN THIS CONTRACT OF PARTICIPATION"  
Magically an awful amount of paper appeared in front of the man

"These are at least eight hundred pages am I supposed to read this before helping that guy?"

"EXACTLY AND THE PAGES ARE ACTUALLY 976"

"Okay… if the guy dies before I finish reading can I go home?"

"NO THE TIME HERE IS STOP SO TAKE AS MUCH AS YOU NEED"

*five hours later*

"aha I got it"

"have you done?, I mean, HAVE YOU DONE?"  
Said the woman

"yes Holy grail war seven servants and masters, command seals one wish shall be granted bla bla bla, just one question, what's this part eh paragraph 1200, all the servants must sponsor Einzbern's product in change of the 2% of the earnings of the servants merchandise"

"OF COURSE IT MEANS THAT YOU MUST APPEAR IN EINZBERN'S COMMERCIALS AND BE PAID WITH 2% OF THE EARNING THAT YOUR MERCHANDISE PRODUCT, IN THE **THIRD HOLY GRAIL WAR** THE RIDER ULYSSES FOR EACH COPY OF THE ODYSSEY SOLD WHEN HE WAS ON THE EARTH GAINED MONEY, of course you must chose the currency"

"Ahan interesting probably I can make a lot of money"

"NOW LET'S CHOOSE YOUR CLASS"

Suddenly red error writing started to float in the air

"it app..IT APPEAR WE HAVE A PROBLEM, YOU'RE AN HEROIC SPIRIT FROM THE FUTURE AND THERE ARE MULTIPLE VERSIONS OF YOU THAT HAVE DIFFERENT NOBLE AND CAN FIT THE SAME HEROIC CLASSES"

"Said it again but be more precise Einzbern san"

"YOUR PAST-SELF IS LIVING RIGHT NOW, BUT HIS POSSIBLE FUTURES HAVE TOO MANY OPTIONS, SO IS IMPOSSIBLE TO SUMMON ONE VERSION OF YOU"

"And what determine these futures"

" YOUR WIVES "

" What I only have one wife and her name is… fuck why do I feel like I have six wives"

"BECAUSE RIGHT NOW THERE ARE EIGHT VERSION OF YOU MASHED TOGETHER"

" And is it impossible to just summon one…"

"LIKE I SAID"

"Did I just stop time forever, without even a Stand"

"FORTUNATELY NOT.  
WE CAN MAKE THIS WORK IF YOU MUST BE SUMMONED WITH ALL VERSION OF YOU, YOU MUST BE SUMMONED AS AN ASSASSIN, IT IS THE ONLY CLASS THAT FIT THE WHOLE YOU.  
UNFORTUNATELY, THERE IS ANOTHER PROBLEM EACH VERSION OF YOU GOT DIFFERENT NOBLE PHANTASMS AND EVEN BY GRANTING YOU THE DOUBLE CLASS RIDER/ASSASSIN CLASS, YOU WOULD STILL HAVE TOO MANY WEAPONS. THE ONLY WAY OUT IS TO SEAL YOURSELVES"

"Define seal please"

"YOU WILL BE A SERVANT RIDER/ASSASSIN, AND CAN EMBODY ONLY ONE VERSION OF YOU AT THE TIME"

"I still don't get it"

"AAAAAAAAA YOU WILL HAVE 8 MODE FROM ZERO TO SEVEN, IT WILL TAKE LARGE AMOUNT OF MANA TO SWITCH FROM ONE TO ANOTHER, EACH MODE GIVE YOU ACCESS TO A DIFFERENT NOBLE PHANTASM YOU CAN'T USE TWO MODES AT THE SAME TIME AM I CLEARRRRRRRRRRRRR"

"Ok I get it calm down"

"THEN HIKIGAYA HACHIMAN I BESTOW YOU THE TITLE OF ASSASSIN SERVANT YOU WILL TAKE PART TO THIS HOLY GRAIL WAR"

As she said so with solemn tone a red light engulfed the young man that asked

"just one question I must really say "are you, my master?" I mean I already know he is my master.  
and in which year I'm going to go"

"You have signed the contract you must follow each part, and 2007"

"okay… Wait a minute 2007? I still don't have any merchandize it's a fraud!"

* * *

"A..u..m..stert"

Someone was talking to me but I couldn't open my eyes to look who was or hear anything I guess I still had paper in my ears.

*slap *slap

A hand hit my check forcefully opened my eyes and then the same voice screamed  
"ARE YOU MY MASTER"

A man was in front of me.

He was tall around 1.85 meter, he wore black military pants, black boots, and some kind of armor on his torso, it looked like a weird combination of a military jacket and a medieval armour…, oh and of course, it was black. He touched my head with his tight cloves that reached his elbows, of his favorite color.

For a moment I could look at his face, he was… cool not the dashing awesomeness of Siegfried, but he had the cool and sharp beauty of a predator, his eyes were… death, like those of a corpse, his irises were grey and a little purple Romanic 1 shone in his pupils.

I tried to say something to this unknown man, but I couldn't speak. He noticed that and said

"Guess you can't talk right now well you have the command seals on your hand so I think it's fine"

- **transfer dolor-**

Immediately all my pain stopped my wounds were turning in to a black mist, that touched the unknown man disappearing leaving all my injuries transferred on my savior's body.

 **-dolorem accipit potestatem-**

Another spell and all those cuts and fractures become again a black smoke that started spinning around the man

- **mentem a corpore-**

Three last words and the smoke disappeared. This man here could eliminate pain... Incredible.

"now for the last time. Are you my master?"

I looked at my right hand and saw a black tattoo shaped like a dragon and I slowly took out of my ears the paper leftovers.  
"Holy Grail War"  
I muttered astonished

the only thing in my mind, all the information in my head seemed to disappear except what I knew about the Holy Grail War: seven Magus summon seven servant and fight each other in order to achieve a wish-granting device.

"Yes I am"  
I whispered.

(I have been chosen to fight this incoming war)

"I am your master Sieg, I'm a free homunculus"  
I said standing

(I was going to fight again, I couldn't run away because now I had a chance, I had a purpose for my life, no for my being alive)

"The pleasure is all mine. Then master you may call me Assassin"

"What happened here!"

A voice screamed it was Julian followed by a dozen of homunculus and a figure that stood out more than anybody else. I didn't need to think about it twice it was Lancer or at least the homunculus equipped with the Lancer card, dressed in a royal fashion, appearing as black as a shadow in the night, contrasted with his pale face and long, silk-like white hair.

"Assassin"

I whispered while Julian said

"Kill the aggressors, Lancer, homunculi find survivors"

"Fight for me"  
I ordered

"Aye Master "  
Responded Assassin with a deep voice.

He took a step and it was like the room had frozen and then he said  
-Stealth Hikki-

Whatever that meant.

* * *

It was absurd ! Assassin was there and then he disappeared.

He was using a skill. That was sure, but it wasn't the usual presence concealment of the assassin's class nor was some kind of invisibility.  
it was more like he had become a detail of the room, something you see but you don't watch.

Dashing like a snake on his prey Assassin charged at the homunculus, he covered the distance between them rapidly, he wasn't as fast as I was in Siegfried mode, yet my brothers and sisters couldn't even react.  
With swift movements of his limbs, he broke joints, knocked out and pushed away all the homunculus, without killing anyone.  
He was like a river fluid and unstoppable.

After finishing my brothers he jumped in front of Lancer, him caught by surprise thrust his spear where Assassin should have been only to miss him of nearly an inch.  
"He can't see Assassin, Lancer is just attacking at feeling"  
I realized

But even so Lancer was able to stop , the barehanded, Assassin.

" You're pretty fast uh"  
said Assassin while his eyes turned from deathly sleepy into sharp and cold.

"He is scary"  
I thought looking my servant face thrusts and swings of Lancer's unstoppable weapon, without even blinking!

Silver arcs traced by Lancer's spear engulfed the room yet none of them managed to hit Assassin that like a dancer, was twisting himself to dodge every blow.  
It was like Assassin could see every thrust from a mile.

"Lancer stop to play around and kill that MAN!"  
screamed Julian tired of the fight.

But even with a direct order from Julian the Lancer homunculs could keep up with Assassin they were on two different leagues. (like me and Jeanne...why do I feel depressed now?).

The battle went on for another good minute, but the outcome was already decided.  
Assassin's eyes followed each movement of Lancer and after dodging all those blows and thrusts, he had adapted himself to his opponent fighting style.  
Assassin movements became bolder, he started to slip through the barrage of Lancer's thrusts and landed a powerful punch in Lancer's stomach.  
My homunculus brother wasn't ready for the blow and was propelled two meters backward.

"Just how high is his strength!"  
I thought after seeing my servant's attack.

Seizing the opportunity Assassin began to throw every medical machine he found near himself to the, still dazed, Lancer.

"Eat this !"  
Assassin said while many of the machines that kept me alive fled across the room.

Unfortunately, Lancer wasn't really bothered by all that flying stuff, in fact, with swift movements of his spear, he reduced everything to a mass of garbage.

"This was probably the least cool thin Assassin had done in the entire fight"  
I apathetically thought watching all the furniture being cut in to pieces, but

"AAARRRRGGGHHHHHH"  
I had to change my opinion when Lancer began to scream because he had a bistoury in his right eye.

"they were all decoy to distract Lancer from the real threat"  
whispered Julian looking at the suffering homunculus.

Assassin near to the victory dashed one last time against his nearly defeated opponent, that on the other hand wasn't ready to give up.  
Lancer trying to finish the fight with one last move, poured all his remaining strengths in one last thrust, more powerful and fast than he had ever done before.  
but Assassin had everything under control.  
so much under control that I didn't believed to my own eyes when I saw Assassin deviate the pole of Lancer's spear with a calculated movement of the back of his right hand.  
The blade of the spear brushed Assassin's face drawing for the first time in the entire fight a drop of blood.  
However my servant didn't even notice, he suddenly twisted his hand, grasped the pole of the spear and pulled it with all his might.  
Making Lancer, that had his hands still firmly on the weapon, be pulled forward just to receive Assassin's left fist right in the guts.

"UGH"  
groaned Lancer spitting blood.

- **memento mori-  
** whispered Assassin making his body cover in wounds for the blink of an eye and then letting five ropes of black smoke shot from his fist and tie Lancer.  
A pale blue light appeared to protect the fake servant.  
The magic resistance of level B, classical feature of Lancer's servants.  
however the black tentacles broke that barrier and the black smoke started to open injuries randomly on the fake servant.  
When the smoke disappear Lancer was on the broken floor and had many of the wounds I had when Assassin healed me.

The battle was over.

* * *

For a few seconds, none dared to speak not me nor Julian; we were too shocked from the cold and merciless brutality Assassin displayed.

"He doesn't make pain disappear.  
he take it on himself and the use it as a weapon"  
I thought watching him standing near his bloodied opponent.

"Fuuuuu...Other master-san can you make stop this stupid situation, your puppet right here is not even the shadow of a servant, can you please retire"  
said Assassin with bored voice making two steps back and stopping that -Stealth Hikki- he used to be undetectable.

Julian hearing my servant's words assumed an astonished face, he had been defeated and shamed.  
"How dare you to speak to me in this way, you don't know who you're talking to"  
Replied the young magus angrily

"Homunculus use you're your Noble phantasm"  
He Screamed with the pupils dilated

"Fuckkkkkkk, well at least Jeanne is saved for sure now"  
I thought while Lancer, filled with holes, stood up and raised his spear.

\- **Kazıklı Be..e-  
** said (whispered in an intimidating way) my homunculus brother, too injured to correctly stand and aware that releasing his Noble Phantasm now was like a death sentence.  
I really remained speechless when instead of the true name of his Noble Phantasm just blood came out from his mouth.  
An obsidian spike stuck in Lancer's chest.

"What!"  
I thought instinctively looking at Assassin...he was surrounded by black mist and those mysterious black spikes.

Before anything else could happen a flash of light engulfed the room; the effect of the card was over.  
when the light disappeared Julian had probably done the wisest decision of his whole life… he ran away.

"That was... impressive"  
I said to Assassin a bit uncomfortable

"I know, I was all Ka ka ka ka kachi daze, and he was like why I can't hit him…eh I mean indeed master"  
Said him at first cheerful and then with his usual monotone.

"Right... For now, let's get out of here"  
I said to the scary-looking man

"Yes, but Master can you wait a second?"  
he asked me.

I slowly nodded curious of his intent

- **transfer dolor-**

 **-dolorem accipit potestatem-**

- **mentem a corpore-**

"He chanted those three spell that healed me "  
I thought

The usual black mist started to fly into the air and moved towards Assassin, I saw him battered again by those injuries, and then like before all wounds turned again in smoke and disappeared.  
All the homunculus stood up confused even the Ex-Lancer

Assassin looked in their direction and screamed  
"GET THE FUCK OUT"

They didn't need any clarification and flew.  
Assassin then conceded himself a smirk for a second, and then his lips returned like a thin line

"Okay Master we can go"  
He said

Yet I couldn't respond to him, I was too confused by this man, I couldn't read him.  
First, he was ruthless and lethal and now...he saves disposable homunculus without thinking twice.

"Why, did you heal them?"  
I asked in soft tone.  
It was beyond my comprehension, he wasn't like Jeanne he didn't look kind nor he seemed reluctant to fight, on contrary he probably enjoyed it.  
Yet he just decided to take their injuries and let them go.

"Because is what I wanted to do"  
He simply said, understanding what I meant.

Looking around me I realized what kind of monster he was, outside the castle a few hours prior Jeanne had fought in similar situation and even with her kindness ended up killing many homunculus, while him took all of them down in less than three minutes without killing anyone.

"Just who are you?"  
I wondered looking at my servant trying to read his stats.

STR B-

END B+

AGI A

MANA C

LUCK D

N.P ?

"And now someone is messing with me, his stats are too average how could he control that fight so perfectly"

* * *

After the fight I and Assassin went through the door I destroyed a few minutes ago and begun to search for the Saber card Roche had in his hand.  
I found it beside a big debris dirty of blood.  
I was ready to tell Assassin we were moving out, but

"Help someone help us"  
Two overlapped voices screamed

I recognized them

"they are Gordes and Celinke voices."  
I thought They were still alive… uff

Before I could stop him Assassin had already run towards, the point where the voices of the two Magus came out, he lifted some debris and took them out.  
I watched my two ex-masters still bloodied coughing dust out of their lungs they looked very pitiful and I liked that.

"Assassin kill them"  
I said without any emotion, looking at them had made my mind froze that was probably the first moment of my life in which I felt hatred.

Stopping to cough for a second, they looked at me with eyes filled with fear  
But Assassin responded

"I'd rather not, I have never killed with my own hands, and I would prefer not dirt them now… the Grail gave me information about you Sieg, and I can understand how much you must hate them, but kill them is not the answer"

"What you suggest then "  
I retorted wondering if I should have inaugurate my command seals

"We take their wallets We let them go, we collect the remaining cards and we destroy the castle"  
He said diplomatically

"What about I kill them, we take their wallets, we collect the remaining cards and destroy the castle"  
I counter offered

"Oh and we meet Jeanne outside"  
I added

"Who is Jeanne? your girlfriend, imotou"  
He asked confused

"Eh? NO! and what's an imotou... never mind, I'm talking about the Ruler servant I fought like three hours ago, you said the Grail gave you information on me! how could you miss that! you a… unless you were bluffing, just to convince me..."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Were you bluffing Assassin?"

"We take their wallets ,we take the cards,we"

"DON'T CHANGE TOPIC, AND WHY THE WALLETS?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE AN HOMUNCULUS AND I'M A SERVANT WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY"

"I SAID TO NOT CHANGE TOPIC!"

" YOU CHANGED IT THIS TIME"

"YOU'RE RIGHT SORRY"

"NO PROBLEM"

Assassin and I started to shout at each other, standing one in front of one another until

*crack

a sound made us stop arguing and turn our head painfully slowly.  
Gordes and Celinke were trying to sneak away on hands and knees.

"Fine you win we take their wallets, we steal all the cards in the castle, we let them go, we destroy this place and meet Ruler, she should be in the castle by now."  
I said, and added

"But ,don't you dare to heal these two, and you must shave the fat one's moustaches"

"Seems fair, I decided to not kill for now, but I won't save them"

"I would have liked more this sentence if they were still under those rocks"

"Just leave it be"  
He said with his usual bored voice, while walking toward the two Magi paralyzed from fear.

Assassin made appear a leather belt around his waist, on it there was a metal stick 3 inches long with a double axe shaped head and a holster.  
From the holster he took out…a can? Yes a yellow and brown can where was written on "MAX COFFEE".He opened it with a *tizz and gulped it in one go.

I wanted to ask him what was that but before I could his mana flared.

"It must be some kind of miraculous potion his mana is replenished and I did nothing"  
I thought.

"Ah that's better"  
Said Assassin while a bluish aura was swirling around him

"Yukino"  
Was his last word before all the mana around him was devoured, the stick on his belt vanished to be replaced by a black one-handed Japanese sword, and the I in his pupils became a II.

Unsheathing his new blade, the temperature of the room seemed to have dropped of 10 degrees, he lifted Gordes Musik face and said

"Time to shave those moustaches"

"WAIT NOT MY MOUSTACHES EVERYTHING BUT NOT THEEEEEEEMMMMMMMMMM"

* * *

"Okay Jeanne"  
Said a girl slapping her cheeks

"You can do it, you have to act casual, when they will surrender you are going to tell them you will take the sexy… I mean Saber homunculus with you. End of the story...why I'm so weak to pretty boys that do not smell like an horse, and talk to me before trying to kill me… I should improve my tastes a bit"  
The young girl smiled shyly.

Her mind and her heart were devoted to God, but she had already died once and in this second chance she was granted she wanted to live not as an holy maiden but as a girl like she deserved.

"I hope he is fine, he was wounded pretty badly, all his cloths were torn apart, of course I didn't look at ABSolutely nothing"  
She continued while doing her first step, she was in front of the Yggdmillenia castle's frontal gate, that was strangely unguarded

"Well they must have surrendered"  
She thought innocently

She made the second step towards the gate, but before she could made the third one every part of the castle was destroyed by dark water

Leaving the young girl  
"What the heck"

* * *

[one minute before]

"Are you ready Master?"  
Asked Assassin

"yeah, I think…. No let me check again: all 8 servants cards here , wallets too, I'm wearing new cloths, that look exactly the same from my old ones, and everybody that had not escaped already is behind us tied up, hello Caules thanks for your mystic code. Okay I'm ready destroy this place... uh why you have again an I in your pupils and your sword is gone?..."  
I responded

"I will tell you later, now less speaking more action give me your mana"  
He told me.

I opened my magic circuits, that after Assassin's cure were like anew and charged him.

His voice started to resound in the air

 **Audi vocatio mea**

(hear my call)

 **saeva mare**

(cruel sea)

 **repraesentet altum somnum**

(deep sleep carrier)

Images of shipwrecks appeared around us

 **annegatore stupra**

(drowner of lives)

Men and women drown in impervious waters were shown

 **iram tuam adversum me tempestatis**

(pour your wrath and storm into me)

All the images turned in black smoke and condensed in a sphere on Assassin right palm

 **capti animarum liberator meus in te**

(I'm the one that shall free the souls inside you)

A flashback was now being projected around everyone.

A younger Assassin walking on the sea floor, reaching for the hands of black bodies chained to the ground. When his hand touched one body, it lost the black shell that covered it.

That black shell ran towards Assassin and he stated to absorb it while a smiling white shining man came out of that black tomb.

The shining man now free to fly to the surface, extended his hand to Assassin. Assassin grasped the hand of the shining man, just to close it, he gestured towards the many people that, were still trap in those black shells, with a soft smile. The shining man stopped to smile he assumed a sad face but started to nod. Before flying away he touched Assassin's chest giving him a tear of shining light that like the black shell begun to be absorbed by Assassin.

This scene was repeat countless times: every time a different shining person was saved, tried to help Assassin, just to be refused, until only Assassin remained alone on the sea floor.

"He saved everyone but who saved him?"  
Was my question

The flashback suddenly ended, and now a bubble filled with dark water and a tiny light in the middle, was suspended on Assassin's hand

"Is that a bubble?"  
I asked him

"No this is a marble"  
He responded

 **TY** **PHOON** **QUANTISQUE NAUFRAGIIS**

 **(** Celestial typhoon of the shipwrecked)

The marble broke into pieces and a tornado of dark water appeared around us, just below the surface I could see skeletons and remains of ships from every age, while pillars of light rhythmically stood out in the sky.

The spell went on for a full minute my mana reserves depleted, and probably I should have asked to stop, but every part of me wanted this castle in ruin.

When the only things that remained from the castle were memories the spell ended, for a brief moment before all the water disappeared, I realized it wasn't dark anymore but crystalline.

* * *

"what the heck"

The young girl remained immobile until the water disappeared.  
The castle was gone, but in front of her stood the homunculus she was searching Sieg, and beside him a tall wrapped in dark clothes.

Her Ruler eyes immediately told her he was a servant yet she couldn't even think something to say before her feet moved and she went in front of that bizarre duo.

"Hi Jeanne "

" Yo"

Said Sieg in monotone and his, apparently, servant.

Mixed emotions filled the heart of the girl, happiness, relief, rage, fear, and mostly confusion.

"Do not "hi" me. What you did to the castle and everybody inside it?"  
She said with a cutely angry voice.

"We destroyed the castle freed the homuculi and tied up all the others, I thought it was pretty clear.  
don't waste my time with stupid questions you can easily respond by opening your eyes."  
Said the dark servant with bored voice while, pointing his left thumb behind is back.

In fact there were many seated homunculus and a few bounded magus behind them.

"By the way I'm starving!, I wanna find a restaurant or something"  
he added

"What Assassin meant is that we dealt with your mission and everyone there is unharmed, but we'd like to move away from here"  
Said Sieg trying to cover for his servant rude behaviour.

After hearing to the word of the servant and the master, the young girl ran around all the debris, looking for clues, after a few laps she said.  
"All right I will follow your plan, but you will tell me the whole story and do not spare any detail."

*growl

A sound resounded between the three magical beings

Sieg with confused voice asked  
"Was that your stoma"

"No It wasn't"

Said a blushing Ruler

"You said you were looking for a eatery, well I will go with you"  
Continued the still ashamed girl.

* * *

It was late evening when we reached the city beneath the Yggdmillenia Castle, Trifas.

For most part of the travel we walked while me and Assassin told Jeanne all our eh….adventure. when we realized we were probably going to find all restaurants closed if we didn't speed up so Assassin took me on his right shoulder, like some kind of injured soldier and started to run , while Jeanne was following using an hand to restrain herself from laughing.

"The first we need to search now is dress shop"  
Said Assassin

"Why ?"  
Asked Jeanne confused

"Because he has nothing adapt to winter to wear, and Me and you have only our battle gears.  
we should kinda keep a lower profile"

"but I can change my outfit"  
Said Jeanne

transforming her armor in a white tunic, slightly too light for winter

"S-s-s-s-see...brr"  
concluded the girl

"okay now we have to move, before Ruler freeze to death"  
stated my servant looking around to find the shop he wanted.

We began to sneak around the town and suddenly an obscure thoughts crossed my mind

"Hey Assassin if we have to move around and I need to call you, what should I do, I mean Assassin is not exactly a name"  
I said to the scary japanese man

"…"

"…"

"Oh right I didn't told you my name, my true name is Hikigaya Hachiman, so call me Hikigaya"  
He said with careful voice, after all he had just disclosed his most important information to me but

"Hikigaya Hachiman… I do not know your fame… even with my Ruler's eye, I can't see your legend… who are you?"  
Jeanne said anticipating my thoughts.  
I never heard of an hero named Hikigaya Hachiman, even with all the knowledge about heroic spirits Yggdmillenia implanted in me, I couldn't even imagine who my servant was and what he did in order to get his title of hero.

" This is not a conversation that is made to be done right now let's focus on getting clothes"  
He said ending this topic.

It took us a while but we eventually found a sweet shop open till late. There I chose to buy an heavy brown coat, while Jeanne a white cotton shirt, a blue skirt, a pair of white shoes, and a long blue coat with black fur around collar, and cuffs, everything she wore was simple but she looked like incredible anyway.  
Last but not least Hikigaya chose for himself a white shirt, a green comfy hoodie and grey winter jacket.

Of course everything was paid with the credit card of Gordes Musik.

* * *

Wearing our new stylish outfits we went to a restaurant nearby.

While walking I noticed that even without weapons or armors, we three stood out quite a bit: two teenagers one cool and red-eyed, the second beautiful and blonde, both of them followed by a scary looking Japanese man. God knows what we seemed.

Once we seated at a free table, me and Jeanne were seated abreast, and Hikigaya was in front of us. Three menu were given to us, I fortunately had knowledge of Romanian so I could easily read everything, Jeanne instead seemed to have some difficulties.

"Are you okay?"  
I asked Jeanne

"Yes just having a bit of trouble with these writings, the Grail gave me knowledge of every language but when I was alive I couldn't read or write so I'm having some problem to read correctly"  
She answered blushing

"Fine let me know if I can help you, you Assas… I mean Hikiygaya have you decided what to eat"  
I said trying to make conversation with the other servant

"Yes"

Talkative like usual…

When we were ready to order a young man came to take our ordinations, I took a meat plate, Jeanne a vegetables soup, and Hikigaya went for some grilled fish.  
I have to say it, I was nervous It was the first time I talked to a simple human, and the first time I ate as well.  
when I entered in this place the smell of food made realize how hungry I was.

A few minutes later our ordinations arrived with a cool bottle of water, unfortunately when my steaming beef steak was under my nose that I realized I didn't know how to use cutlery.

I stared at my ordination for a full minute until Hikigaya flicked my forehead with his finger.  
"Brat look at me, right hand on the fork hold it like this"

He said while moving my hand

"The knife in this way"  
Again bustling with my hand

"Ruler please stop drinking your soup from the plate and use the spoon dammit"  
Assassin said after moving his gaze on the other person at our table

Hearing his last sentence I suddenly turned to my left just to see the always splendid Jeanne with her face dirty of soup… that was funny.  
As the dinner went on Hikigaya corrected me on more things: manners, colloquial courtesy etc.  
Jeanne was no better her displays of clumsiness were unbelievable, and so Hikigaya corrected her too.  
Looking us the exasperated Assassin stopped respectfully addressing us with Master or Ruler and called us simply brat and gamine.

When we finished eating an hot coffee was served for Hikigaya and he stated to put spoons and spoons of sugar in it and asked  
"So what's your plan brats?"

"…"

"…"  
I and Jeanne stayed both silent we didn't exactly get what he meant but...he wasn't just talking about were to sleep right?

"Both of you know that we can't stay here in this restaurant for ever, the next holy Grail war sooner or later will begin, none of us know how long we must wait, one day, one month, one year, ten years, our entire lives?  
Mine summoning and gamine's one were exceptional cases, and this mean that for indefinite time the Holy Grail won't support my summoning or Ruler's one.  
you get it brat?  
Fortunately I can use one of my noble phantasm to replenish my mana reserves."  
Said Hikigaya making appear on the table the same yellow and brown can I've seen before

"This is one of my noble phantasms " **Imōto no ama-sa"** the sweetness of a little sister.  
This can has the power to contain an unlimited amount of a divine beverage named MAX COFFEE, sold only in japan.  
Drinking from this can, I can replenish my mana resources and when I say the Noble phantasm's true name I can enchant my physical stats to a certain extent.  
The only problems are First that I need to actually fill this can with max coffee to use it, for example right now is empty so it's useless.  
and Second that I need lot of this beverage to recharge myself, not the easiest thing to do during a fight. Usually twelve portions refill all my mana reserves. ( but ten cause diabetes)

So you can say that my mana problem will be irrelevant if we move to japan.  
Gamine instead lack a a master or a cool noble phantasm like mine, and judging from her hunger"

Said pointing at the tower of dishes near Jeanne

"She is going to go through many difficulties, she will need a great amount of food to sustain the mana expense of a servant body, and her body will slowly decay, unless she forge a pact with a Magus or start collecting mana in other ways… "  
Finished Hikigaya

"What do you mean by other ways?"  
Asked Ruler puzzled

"I think he meant consuming souls or the exchange of bodily fluids like blood, saliva or perhaps sperm with a magical being"  
I explained

Jeanne cheeks flared up.

"If you want, I can give you my bodily fluids"  
I offered

Hearing my words Hikigaya started to sneer While Jeanne face became even redder

"Did I say something wrong?"

I asked confused  
"Just to confirm how would you share with Arc your… ehm bodily fluids"  
Said Hikigaya amused, while tomato Jeanne was muttering something

"Well. For the blood I think the best option is to put it in some vials and then let Jeanne drink it. The saliva is a more powerful source of mana but the transmission must be direct so a… how was called again …yes ,a kiss, and for the sperm I think the only way possible to transmit all the mana is a coitus…I'm pretty sure that sperm is the most powerful source."

When I finished explaining Jeanne had practically fainted,

"Ara Ara Ara…this is going to be fun, then finished the pause about Sieganne, let's get to serious business, Snap out of your trance Ero-Ruler"  
Hikigaya said smirking

Jeanne insisted not to react, so Hikigaya used his hand to hit the girl on her head, while saying **Hachiman chop**

"It hurts"  
Said Jeanne awaking from her trance

"Okay now I'm going to tell the plan.  
We will use Yggdmillenia's credit cards for another day, we will buy anything that can be useful for travelling, me and Master will use suggestion magic to gain documents for all of us, our cover will be that I'm your uncle and you two are cousins.  
Once we have documents I will use my magic to make someone let me open a Bank account and charge money directly from the bank, all that we will need.  
Then we will travel to Japan, so I can obtain my MAX and we get to stay closer to the Grail.  
We won't stay in Fuyuki or at last not from the beginning, we will move in a city near by.  
And…. you two will go to a school, independently from the Holy Grail if we have to live in a socialized world. your lack of common sense is unacceptable."  
stated Assassin...he had already planned everything

"Stop yourself Assassin. Why should I the Ruler of this fifth Holy Grail war accept this plan.  
I'm a neutral servant by associating myself, with you I will cease to be one."  
Interrupted Jeanne with solemn voice.

"Really, why you should accept free meals documents to move in this world a home to return in the future and A magus ready to help you with your destined lack of mana that will make you disappear.

I don't know.

You probably think it would be better to stay in a convent or some kind of church, asking for charity, without realizing we are not in middle ages anymore, and that you won't be able to hide forever from church's executioners, that will try to trap you or worse ,while your body slowly disappear from lack of mana."  
Responded Hikigaya with a brutal speech in monotone.

"I…."  
Babbled Ruler

"Should think before you speak, I agree"  
Said Assassin concluding the argument.

* * *

After dinner we paid always with Yggsmillenia's money and found a Bed and Breakfast to sleep in I had to use a bit of suggestion magic to let us in at midnight.  
Jeanne had gone to sleep in her room while Assassin assumed his spiritual form.

Stripping myself and remaining only in my underwear on the fluffy bed I had in my room, I tried to sleep. the air of the room was warm so I didn't suffer from cold even if I was nearly naked, but my bed was too soft, I felt like falling and I managed to sleep only after two hours of attempts.  
Unfortunately for me the only thing that waited for me when I finally reached my dreams were nightmares.

* * *

At first I was again in my tank surrounded by ghostly lights and Magus that behind a glass looked at me, I was unable to move while their distorted faces stared at me.

Then the dream suddenly changed I was fighting against a dragon in a forest that was set on fire. With the great sword Balmung in my hand I was slashing at the ferocious beast dodging torrents of flames and razor sharp claws, I fought with the dragon for a few minutes or maybe hours I couldn't feel the time flowing around me, until the winged demon with his lethal breath caught me.

The dream changed once again.

I found myself in an empty white room, from far away I could hear noises of war and battles, then for some reason those noises ceased, replaced by soft steps that grew louder and louder and louder. I looked around to understand where those steps came from until a sharp pain went through my chest and a crimson blade surged from my guts.

I was being impaled by Siegfried with his sword. The German hero behind me twisted his sword dolor invaded every inch of my body, I opened my mouth to scream, but no sound came out from my lips, It was again like being in the tank unable to move, constantly in pain, without the chance to hear my own voice.

"You… are… disposable"

Said a voice behind my back wakening me.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

I screamed, instinctively my hands reached for my stomach, fortunately I didn't found any blade, but I noticed that were I was impaled by Jeanne's flag pole (she corrected me when I told her how I summoned Hikigaya and how he healed the hole made by her weapon. Apparently I wasn't injured by a simple pole but from a flag pole yippie)  
there was a little scar Assassin's magic probably wasn't something absolute as I thought.

Sweaty and gasping I stood up dressed up and went out on the roof to take some fresh hair.  
The bed and breakfast I was staying at, was a building probably from the 80's high fifteen metres with three floors. It was made out of bricks, outside painted of white, and inside covered of deep green wallpaper, all the furniture was made of wood and was probably older then the building itself.

Climbing the stairs I reached the top of the building, and a locked door barred my way.

- **Logic pathStraße **/opengehen**** -

A simple destruction magic and my way was free of any obstacles.  
Finally on the roof, chilly wind bit my face, snow, like the one on the ground when I went to fight Jeanne, was falling from the sky, looking at the sleeping Trifas beneath me I deeply breathed trying to calm my self .

"Having hard time sleeping"  
Said a bored voice

"No, you know nostalgia of my tank ah…ah…ah, am I that obvious…"  
I responded failing to sound fine

"Pretty much, I mean ,you screamed in the middle of the night, destroyed a door and stood outside for about an hour before I talked to you "

"THAT LONG!"

"you know I'm not the right person to say it but, sometimes you should ask for help.  
Figure out problems on my own is my favourite hobby, but even I understood(with a looooooooooooooooooooot of time) that someone alone can do only a certain number of things, and eh. … _God I think I had this conversation before with my sons/daughters_ …I'm here if you need help, you just have to make a request, yes a request for service."

Hikigaya said with his usual bored voice, yet this time I could feel that his bored tone was just something to cover all the care he put in choosing every single word.

"Thanks, Assassin"  
I said in soft voice, while finally every ounce of energy had left my body.

The suggestion spell and the destruction one had robe me of the last energies I saved from my… intense day, and now all my limbs were numb and couldn't support me anymore.

I expected to fall on the floor, but before that happen a pair of strong arms held me.

"Mmm looks like you really need to sleep Sieg"  
He warmly said

"Maybe you are right"  
I said with sleepy voice

"Hey Hikigaya you said I should talk, about my problems.  
but where I can found someone that holds power he didn't ask for, that is about to fight a war he might die in , accompanied by a strange old man and a cute girl?"

"Have you ever heard of anime"  
Assassin responded amused

"No, but teach me about that, like you did at the restaurant…teach me about this world, I want to be alive gen… no to live genuinely, not behind the glass of a tank."

"You're asking a lot…but I think I accept your request, good night"

And those were the last words I heard that night.

I dreamed again that night. There weren't nightmares waiting for me this time just a room. A room that smelled of tea, where many desks were amassed in a corner, and a long table with three chairs was in the centre, the entire room was illuminated by the colours of the sunset and for the first time in my brief life I felt in peace with the world.

* * *

HE LONER

Sometimes I think how many people have never thought that what they see, their reality, is not the only one.

Let me elaborate  
we  
humans  
do not see the world directly, we see it reflected in the deformed mirror that is our consciousness.  
So where someone see a wide world, someone else see a narrow one, where someone see a happy world, someone else see fake smiles that only serve to save superficial impressions.

We  
humans  
are incapable to see the world objectively, we are all bounded, chained, by our own perceptions, our own subjectivity.

Scientists say we are the most powerful species on this planet because we can communicate between us in the most effective way, yet why we can't genuinely understand one another.

Why can't we find a way to see the world with someone else mirror.

I have thought about it for a long time and then I found my personal way to understand other people…Pain.  
It's funny if you think about it.

Empathy, kindness, wisdom, courage all this things, some of the most beautiful features of the humanity… all come from pain: empathy (noun) the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. When you console someone why you do that?

Because you feel is the right thing to do.

Because you can understand them.

Because you can understand their PAIN, because it reminds you of your own PAIN, because you start thinking how much PAIN you would suffer in their same situation.

…

I said our consciousness is a mirror, now I will say that pain is like cracks in that mirror.

When they appear: these cracks, they… change the reflection we see in our mirror. We may try to ignore them but those cracks are there, they prevent us to look at the world as we had seen it before…they give us new perspectives to look from, and maybe in those new perspectives there's one that someone else share.

Through pain we get new points of view, we get to finally understand one another.

So my conclusion was that to understand everyone I needed to accept all the pain, to fill my mirror with cracks in order to see the world from every angulation possible… the only question is how long I can go on before my mirror (mind)… shatters.

* * *

T..

Ti..

Ti* Ti* Ti*

"ONI-CHAAAAANNN RISE AND SHINE IT'S TIME TO WAKE UPPPPPPP"

"ugh I got it Komachi please stop screaming"

" Ok , theheeh, breakfast is ready, so don't take too long to come down "  
said my little sister after her "lovely" morning assault to my ears.

"aw waking up like this is terrible, how many hours I slept?"  
I said watching the alarm.

-7:15-

"Three hours good, better than my average… wait 7:15…. _shimatta_ is late"  
I thought jumping off my bed and landing in an incredibly messy room.

"well everything is as I remember it"  
I said looking the floor littered of dirty clothes and some manga.

With careful steps I avoided every one of them, until I was in front to my writhing desk. I felt like something was wrong with it.  
My eyes ran on its surface seeing: a pencil case, my reading lamp, my homework, Vita-chan, a light-novel I had yet to finish, my gun and my sheathed battle dagger…wait

"MY GUN AND MY BATTLE DAGGER GERBER MARK II WHY THEY ARE NOT HIDDEN, last night I forgot to put them in their place."  
I screamed in-panic

"did you said anything son?"  
a voice came from behind the door

"Nothing mom, There was a spider"  
I invented on the moment

"Okay..."

Safe

Leaving in the past my careful steps from before, I ran towards my desk, took my weapons and dashed in front of my wardrobe.

"That's what happen when I agree to a drink after work!"  
I thought opening its doors , taking out my school uniform and throwing it on my bed.

"just a glass of wine they said, its been so long since you trained the newbies... Stupid members of training facilities that burn half of their budget in alcohol"  
I lamented putting my hand on the back panel of the wardrobe.

*bzzzzzzz

A green light scanned my hand, and a robotic voice said

-Vocal password-

" 8-man rocks"  
I responded, making my voice reach the hidden microphones of a secret drawer.

"But after all it was my fault for have given in when they said - we have the new list of epic fails during training-... damn if that was funny"  
I thought opening my drawer.  
In it there were: another gun, passports of different countries, jewels filled with mana, a can of MAX COFFEE, a bottle of sake, notebooks filled with documents, an album of pictures, a first aid kit, a few keys, a small black box and my…porn magazines, all my precious proprieties.  
In hurry I putted the dagger and gun in the drawer, and closed everything without leaving behind any proof.

"uhs that was close I wouldn't dare to think what would happen if my cute Komachi, had entered in my room instead of screaming from outside"  
I thought imagining the scene.

* * *

"MOM DAD! ONI-CHAN HAS BEGUN TO COSPLAY AGAIN"

"NO KOMACHI IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK"

"YOU TRASHY OTAKU ARE NOT MY BROTHER ANYMORE"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

* * *

After avoiding the first crisis of the morning I made my way towards the bathroom.  
Stripping from my pyjamas, my underwear, and a fake skin layer on my torso.

"an hot shower is the best way to start a day"  
I said for some reason. Probably I unconsciously wanted to think that today was going to be a good day.

I entered in the shower and let hot water fall on my body to awake my senses:  
the steam in the air, the sound of water drops hitting my body, the smell of soap and the water flowing on my skin.  
All these sensations switched on my brain that was still sleeping on my pillow.

* * *

 ** _the magical adventures of brain-kun!_**

WHY IS RAINING ON MY BED !?

(naa it's impossible to have brain fan service...unless CENSORED and maybe CENSORED)

* * *

Five minutes later I came out from my warm heaven, tied around my waist a towel and started to dry with the hairdryer. For some seconds I studied my reflection in the mirror, my hairs were black and messy as usual, my eyes (lacking of a more be fitting adjective) were like those of a dead fish, my whole torso was entirely covered in scars that ran through my lean and defined muscles.

"If I take a bit of time I'm sure I can remember where and how I made each of my scars...That or the list of every gadjet ever appeared in Doraemon"  
I thought trying to make the imagines of battles from my head

Swiftly I took my fake skin and started to wear it again.  
All my scars disappeared and my muscles were hid by a thin layer of padding.  
Now I looked like a person without any kind of training.

It took me a while to get used to this synthetic cover, but I recognized how useful it was.  
-if no one saw my scars no one will start asking questions or at very least it was what I told myself to endure the annoying feeling of the fake skin.

Returning in my room to get dressed, I wore my school uniform and checked if in my pockets there were my wallet, keys, small knife and picks, they always come handy when I use my 47th loner skill **lock picking**. Everything was fine so I prepared my school bag and went in the kitchen for breakfast.

"Hi mom, Hi pops"  
I greeted my parents as I saw them ready to go to work.

"Good morning Hachiman"  
They responded to me simultaneously before leaving.

"mmm in hurry like usual I see, being a corporate-slave really sucks"  
I thought watching the door closing behind their backs .

I reached the dining table of my home with small steps.  
warm miso soup, rice and grilled fish ready to be eaten.

* * *

 _ **The magical adventures of brain-kun ep 2**_

"FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD"

* * *

I didn't need to think twice, maybe it wasn't a dish cooked by Gourmet Hunters but it was fine for me.

"ittadukimasu-  
I said digging in the breakfast.  
at a certain point while I was happily eating my free food Komachi tapped on my left shoulder I had my mouth still full, but I turned towards her.  
she was holding her smart phone in front of me.

"Wednesday 3 February 2016?"  
I asked swallowing the food in my mouth

she puffed her cheeks and shook her head…so cute.  
"how can my little sister possibly be this cute"  
I thought while an opening song began to be played by my brain

She raised her index and pointed something on the screen

-8:30-

"Ohhh I was going to be late"  
I realized

" _KUSO_ I am going to be lateeee!"  
I realized again, just with more cause cognition finishing my breakfast at god speed.

A quick brush to my teeth and I was riding my bike in direction of the Sobu Highschool

Dashing through the streets, my feet rhythmically pushed the pedals propelling my bike.  
the colours of traffic lights were the only things that could make me stop.  
In one of those moments of rest a quick glance to my smartphone informed me of imminent late arrival at school

"well If I'm going to be late, at least I won't be sweaty, It's still winter who knows what kind of cold I could contract"  
I said starting again to pedal at slower pace.

Five minutes later I was in front of my school gates

9:05

"Fifteen minutes late, well it could be worse"  
I thought like nothing was wrong in the world (...ahah actually no the world is a pretty screwed up place)

Coming down from my bike, I phlegmatically putted it in the bike holder and chained it.

"Japanese school are safe but precautions are never enough, a lesson that I learned at dear price… I miss you biky-kun."  
I said to myself remembering that time in ninth-grade when I lost one of my most precious friends

* * *

 _ **the magical adventures of brain-kun ep3**_

"WAHAHAHA BIKY-KUN WHERE ARE YOU? WAHAHAHAHA I MISS YOU"

* * *

With the speed of a sloth I entered in the school building and went to change my shoes, with indoor ones, walking besides the rows of lockers I spotted five or six love letters.

"that's right a bit more than a week and is Saint Valentine, I can't wait to see which kind of expensive chocolates my sweet imotou-chan will give me this year theheheheheh"  
I muttered receiving weird stares from the janitor

I was quite sure he said something along the lines of  
"creeeeeeeepy"  
Or so.

Step after step I finally reached the class 2 F…my class.

"Right now there is homeroom's period that means that Hiratsuka-sensei will ask why I was late, I say some bullshit, make a sideswipe about her age or her lack of husband she hit me end of the story"  
I told to myself carefully planning my next moves.

"maybe when I blatantly fell on the ground I can get a panty-shot  
who was that had a black lace Kawasaki?  
No it doesn't feel right...  
Kawahonda  
No...  
Kawamochi  
I give up  
maybe I can get another glance to Kawasomething's daring underwear if I crushed on the floor with the right angulation "  
I thought.

But unfortunately when I opened the door there was no time to start any kind of diplomatic approach,as a fist immediately entered in my view.

My instincts kicked in to gear:  
Fist direction-stomach  
Power-medium  
Martial art- karate,  
Threat- minimum

Foe- Shizuka Hiratsuka

Counter- catch the fist with left hand, connect right elbow with forearm of the foe, grab neck of the foe with right hand, pull foe towards self. Connect right knee with foe's rib cage, push away foe with medium strength, draw knife from pocket, take the foe from behind, left arm around neck partial chocking, blade in right hand pointed in the eyes. Time 3.02 s

Result- Foe with right radius broken 2/3 cracked ribs, acquisition of hostage Shizuka Hiratsuka... ABORT THE OPERATION, cover imminently blown and injuries on treasured person.

Reworking- Let self be hit by Sensei's punch, force muscles to not contract, ignore any possible way of counter attack.

"UGH"  
I grunted falsely as the punch struck in my stomach falling on my knees and hugging my belly

"HIKIGAYA you're late AGAIN!"  
screamed outraged my teacher

"Good morning you too sensei"  
I sarcastically retorted

"What was that"

"Nothing ma'am"

"I hope you have a good excuse"

"My alarm broke"

"Old one"

"The wheels of my bike caught fire?"

"Try again"

"I over slept..."

"We have a winner"  
Said Hiratsuka sensei concluding our argument

"Okay maybe my plan was a bit off, and some actions were before other actions, but I have come out victorious without any punishment.  
Hey I didn't even need to use a zinger"  
I thought in my mind pleasing myself of my 15th loner skill, **people's actions anticipation** (88% success rate)

I slowly stood again and went towards my desk, pleased of my brillant ability to improvise, until.

"For punishment today's cleaning duty pass from Tobe and Ebina to y"  
Started to say Hiratsuka-sensei

YABAI I needed to stop her before she finished the sentence  
A quick look to my classmates Tobe Kakeru, and Ebina Hina, told me that I wasn't trying to skip my punishment only for me, but also for the brown haired boy that with his one sided crush, wanted to take every chance to stay alone with the bespectacled fujoshi girl.

"Think Hachiman think dammit, say anything that can stop that woman...brain any ideas"  
I thought looking at my teacher face

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun ep 4**

"Deal with it by yourself!"

"AH FUCK YOU!"

* * *

"SENSEI  
I interrupted her using the only idea I could came out with

"Are those earrings new "  
I asked her betting all I could on my last attempt for salvation

"Uh?"  
She muttered puzzled

"And now I seem crazy...oh wait! She really has new earrings"  
I thought blessing my luck

"Yes…I mean you always have a pair of simple silver earrings, but the pair you're wearing today has a blue line in the middle"  
I said studying the small circles half-hidden by her long hair.

Hiratsuka-sensei was indeed a beautiful woman, tall, well endowed, with elegant lineaments and a mature aura that for boys of my age was, undoubtedly, attractive.  
So with the right amount of focus I easily noticed the changes in her appearance.

"Please pointless observation don't let me down now"  
I begged while in the air of the classroom whispers started to float,

"What is he serious?"

"Damn he is right"

"But sensei's hair are long so it's difficult to even see her ears how did he noticed"

"I don't know, which was the creep name?"

"Mmmm Hikitani?"

"Isn't he the one that made Sagami cry"

"Oh yeah he is that douche"

*coff *coff  
Coughed Hiratsuka-sensei restoring silence.  
her cheeks were slightly red , she stared at her feet and while pushing awkwardly her indexes against each other

(In lack of a more befitting word can only comment with

"Kawaii")

"I..in..indeed these are new, I'm surprised that you noticed, they are a present fro"  
sensei said in embarrassed voice

my jaw opened on his own  
"OH MY GOD YOU HAVE FINALLY A BOYFRIEND….did I said that out lou *ugh"  
I unconsciously said, yet I couldn't finish my sentence because a fist stuck in my belly.  
this time I actually hardened my muscles out of reflex and… ouch

Treat-medium

Martial art- karate empowered with basic magic.

The power of the fist was transmitted in my whole body, I was propelled back of a metre.  
It was really hard to tank a blow so sudden, but I managed to remain on my feet with effort.

"My mother has given them to me saying that I would make a hit on my date…he didn't even noticed"  
Hiratsuka-sensei muttered more to herself than anybody else

"No this is too sad please someone anyone marry this woman or I will marry her myself"  
I thought wondering if it was more painful hearing my sensei's words or the punch I had just taken.

meanwhile Hiratsuka realized that her punch was more powerful than it was mean to be, with worried look my teacher, dressed in her usual lab coat smelling of tobacco, stared at me…

"Ah now I have an excuse to skip homeroom"  
I thought

"May I go to the infirmary?"  
I asked in weak tone and with my best suffering face.

"Eh sure… I exaggerated this time"  
said Hiratsuka -sensei scared

Putting my left hand were I was hit, I left my school bag on my desk.  
while my club mate Yuigahama Yui, my angel Saika Toutsuka and the official riajiu of Chiba Hayama Hayato gave me a concerned look

Just by looking at them, Yuigahama, Hiratsuka and Hayama, I could tell what they were wondering.  
"Oh God he has just sustained a direct hit from sensei's reinforced punch! someone call an ambulance"

Well...They couldn't know, but I was a person full of surprises, in fact like them, I was a third tier Magus.

(Of course the look Totsuka gave me was pure concern, my angel was just worried about me, I'm sorry Saika-chan I will never make you worry again)

* * *

Walking out of the class I kept my suffering expression, until I was sure no one could see me, then I took a light breath and returned to my usual emotion less expression"That was close, if I had been less surprised I would at least broke her arm out of reflex"  
I thought walking towards boys bathrooms.

"Hiratsuka sensei's punch was stronger than I expected, maybe I should revise the list of dangerous Magus in city."  
I whispered, thinking back to that powerful fist.

* * *

In Chiba there are five Magus Families, and two or three disinherited Magus.  
Hayama, Yuigahama, Isshiki, and Hikigaya, are Magus families that produce mediocre Magus, with low number of magic circuits, mana units, and have not particularly powerful family crests.

Then there are the Yukinoshita, they are the only serious Magus family in Chiba, they produce first tier Magus, and thanks to Kori Tomi, now Kori Yukinoshita they have a respectable amount of money.

* * *

Entering in one of the toilettes I stripped of my blazer, shirt and fake skin.  
Looking at my abs I could see a faint purple spot, the pads in the fake skin had weakened the impact, but that punch of Hiratsuka-sensei still was quite something.

I took out my IPhone from my pocket, and dialled on the phone's keyboard a 20 numbers code.

The screen suddenly became black, like I had turned it off, and after ten seconds a white logo appeared.  
it wasn't the usual bitten apple shining on the screen, no it was a snake biting its tail with the shape of the infinite symbol.

A quick scan to my retina and my IPhone unlocked again.

This time on the background of the phone's glass there weren't any games (except tetris I LOVE TETRIS) or stupid apps.  
There were folders full of information: codes of bank accounts, positions of all the secret war ships across the oceans, locations of safe houses, every possible information about financial movements of the major companies across the world, and more than 200 contacts (so sad my work phone as more contacts than my personal one). Information that every government would kill for were in my hand every day.

Touching on a folder I opened a file

-List most dangerous Magus in Chiba-

Entering in edit mode I searched for the person number 13

"Shizuka Hiratsuka

A third tier Magus, second born, No magic crest, Affiliation to Yukinoshita family, best Thaumaturgy Hiratsuka clan reinforcement

Treat low."

I Changed the level of treat from low to medium I raising her position from 13th, to 10th.

" And with this my job is done, time to go to the nurse"  
I thought closing turning off my phone…  
Yet before I saw the light fade from the screen I threw a glance to the most dangerous Magus in Chiba placed in position number 1

Hikigaya Hachiman

A third tier Magus, No magic crest, Affiliation to Oroboro, best Thaumaturgy, Pain magic

Treat incalculable.

*bip

The phone was finally off

Looking at my reflex in the screen I did a sad grin

"It's funny .  
I know the identities of all Magus in Chiba, but not even my parents or my sister know I can actually use magecrafth"  
I said trying to forget all the lies I hid behind.

 **-dolorem accipit potestatem-  
** I whispered looking at my bruise

My mana started to drain and a black mist surged from my small bruise that disappeared.

- **mentem a corpore-  
** I continued making all the mist fade away.

" 3, 2,1...where is the drawback.. _ **UGH !,**_ There it is"  
I said before for a long second a sharp pain went through my mind.

"Okay like new"  
I said looking at, my scarred belly free of bruises

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun ep 5**

 **-mentem a corpore-**

"what did he just said?"  
*punch

" _UGH_ son of a bitch always sending his pain to me"

* * *

What I had just used was my personal Thaumaturgy, Pain control.

* * *

This magecrafth Pain control, my best Thaumaturgy, my pride and curse and the only magic allowed to me.

I'm a rare case of Magic user with double origin, that means I'm someone who sucks in every type of magic except one, in which I'm unbeatable.

My spells consist in the Manipulation of Pain, physical, emotional and negative emotions in general.  
I can create Empathy so receive and share emotions, I can convert mental pain and physical pain in one another, physical pain in a black smoke that I can manipulate and convert in any kind of injury or mental trauma I have ever suffered and I can even condense it in order to from black crystals.

To be honest mine is a very occasional magic and is effective as long as I use it on a conscious being.

In fact my real strength is alter people's pain as I want.  
erase  
lessen  
increase  
or change its nature.  
that's my real power that make able to heal, manipulate or crush who I want.

Unfortunately when I mess around with my magic I'm driven to madness because all the suffering I come in contact with is automatically stored in my mind.  
I'm literally incapable of forgetting pain, physical or emotional.  
Of course that means I can call it upon me, from my memories and turn it in black mist, but with my mana reserves is not that easy.  
actually not that easy do not describe the idea of having all the pain I ever felt explode in every cell of my body...

(positive thoughts positive thoughts)

All my spell's Arias (or magic words) are all in Latin… no well I also have one spell that is in Japanese but I don't really use it often because it's quite tiring to cast…  
it allows me to find all the pain in one place or in a person and transform it in a bubble that remain stored in my mind.

Sometimes I close my eyes and I can see where all those bubbles go… where they float…

It's a quiet place: a desert covered in black sand, save for a point where a peach tree stands in the centre of a circle of white sand, for some reasons I always see a snake moving in his branches, it doesn't seem dangerous…

* * *

*knok *knok *knok

"Hachiman are you there?"  
A voice called me

"Uh Totsuka?"  
I asked snapping out of my trance

"Finally, I found you Hiratsuka–sensei sent me to check you at the infirmary but you weren't there so I started to search you across all the school"

"Sorry I came to the toilettes because, I thought I would puke from that punch… give me two seconds"

I said to my angelic classmate to calm him. Putting my fake skin in its place, I pressed the belly button for five seconds and started to massage lightly where sensei hit me, purple ink was released from little glands in the synthetic fabric, creating a fake bruise large like an apple.  
I re-buttoned my shirt wore my blazer and came out from the toilet.

In the exact time I opened the door a divine vision revealed itself

"Thank goodness you're fine"  
Said the most beautiful human being with watery eyes.

Watching at Toutsuka in this state, my cheeks were set aflame.  
He was just too cute maybe more than Komachi.  
Incapable of talking I had to take a very deeeeeeeeeeeeeeep breath before muttering with embarrassed voice

"D-d-d-d-d-d-don't...w-o-rry I'm fine"

"Really ?"

"Really, let's go to the infirmary"  
I said regaining my cool

* * *

The rest of the day flowed quietly, I looked over at the windows and the sun was still elevated high in the sky. The length of the afternoon had progressively gotten longer

According to the calendar, the vernal equinox was coming up soon. But every year around this time when it's this cold, you ended up thinking, "How could you even call this spring, is 'Spring Has Come' playing in your head all the time or something?"

But there's also the saying: "If winter comes, can spring be far behind?"

It was after school and the atmosphere of the class was showing steady signs of the upcoming spring.  
A little less than a month to go and that would mark the awakening of insects on the calendar. Thanks to the effective heating in the classroom, my classmates had suddenly become animated just like how insects, frogs, and snakes would wake from their hibernation slightly earlier than expected by the calendar.

The window side of the classroom looked especially warm due to the heating being right below the window frames. A single group occupying that area was incredibly lively in spirit. Today like every other, I could hear their loud, conspicuous voices.

The raijus crew is in the middle of a conversation

"…ohohoho Gossip.  
Not that I really care my status as loner prevent me from display any kind of interest in the life of those popular guys…yet they are too loud so I guess I will listen what they say."  
I thought

"Man, I could go for something sweet any time today,"

Tobe said, flapping the ends of his hair. Oooka and Yamato hit their knees as though they knew what Tobe was talking about and pointed at him.

"You got that right."

"Totally."  
Then, the three exchanged gazes.

"You know what I mean…? Better chocolate than never, yeah?"  
Tobe said, being pointlessly dramatic. The three of them made triumphant looks and shot glances over at the girls…

" _Mmm, I thought we were nearing spring, but it still feels like we're in the middle of winter!"  
_ I whispered

Miura's reaction was far more callous and cold compared to their trite act.

"…Ha?"  
After a small click of her tongue, she gave the idiot trio an apathetic look that shut them up. Yuigahama and Ebina-san made a stiff smile.

"Oh yeah, it's about that time of the year, huh…?"  
Hayama said, taking the middle ground between the two groups. Oooka and Yamato nodded their heads.

"You've got it good Hayato-kun, but we're pretty screwed."

"True."  
Oooka stated solemnly while Yamato nodded in assertion. His words certainly did make it sound like it was a serious problem.

"Still, this opportunistic virgin's jealousy is so garbage that it's kind of wonderful…"  
I thought. Then, Tobe made a giddy smirk while patting Hayama's shoulder.

"Nah, Hayato-kun usually doesn't accept anything."

"Are you kidding!? What a waste!"  
Oooka shouted causing Hayama to make a strained laugh. I see, he likely chose that route so he could avoid unnecessary trouble.

However, for girls that were in love with him, they might not be so eager to accept that. The head of that pack, Miura, was listening in on their conversation in silence while facing away from them with a disinterested expression.

Watching her, Yuigahama went "ah" and spoke.  
"But hey, it's kinda scary getting things from people you don't know."

Yuigahama nodded her head to show she could sympathize with him.

Following her, Ebina-san struck out her hand with a serious look and stopped the conversation.

"Wait. If he won't accept anything, that means… he'll take them instead. So the one getting taken would be Hikitani-kun?"

The moment she finished, Miura flicked her head. What the hell is she saying with that serious look of hers…? Miura took out a pocket tissue and pressed it on Ebina-san.

"Ebina, your nose is bleeding."

"Oh, thanks, thanks."  
Ebina-san held back her suspicious laughter as she blew her nose and Miura showed a soft smile. Being immediately next to the heating as well as various other factors, all the individuals gathered over there looked rather warm.

No, they weren't the only ones. The entire classroom was enveloped by the same warmth. The giddy mood wasn't limited only to the idiot trio of Tobe and the other two, but other groups spread out in the classroom.

Officially, Valentine's Day was coming very soon.

In other words, it's the day you received chocolate from your mom and little sister.  
Valentine's Day was a day full of blessed love, but that understanding wasn't without problems. Considering how the event came to be, it's actually a day when blood was shed. Originally started from a saint, it's also the day a struggle occurred between gangs. Besides, someone from Chiba wouldn't even think twice about chocolate because they'd think about Bobby4 instead.

But it didn't matter what the opinions of someone like me had, it's impossible to overturn the general understanding of the event. In fact, if I were to preach the event as a conspiracy of the current confectionary industry, I'd easily be branded a heretic.

Valentine's Day had already firmly taken root in the culture of Japan. Christmas was more or less similar in that regard. Eventually, Halloween might even get adapted to Japanese customs, too. The summer festival, the Bon Festival dance, or the graveyard visits during the spring or fall equinoxes weren't all that much different.

Basically, it's an issue of whether you liked them or hated them. No one's questioning that they're orthodox or blasphemous. If you're going to reject them, whether it's Christmas or Valentine's day, you should just scream, "I hate them!"

Since Komachi would slyly give me chocolate every year, I didn't hate Valentine's Day all that much. As a matter of fact, since I loved Komachi so much as her older brother, I was anxiously waiting for the day to come.

I wonder what kind of expensive chocolate she's going to force out of me as a return gift this year… As I engrossed myself in happy thoughts about wasting money on my little sister, the class grew boisterous.

"God, I'm not going to make it!"

"It's okay, you still have time! Just keep going! Don't give up!"  
I casually looked over and a caste of girls sitting at different seats, either the second or third group from the top, was knitting some kind of muffler or sweater. It's almost like I was listening to a conversation between a light novelist and his editor. Look, normally, you're not going to make it. It's almost Valentine's Day and your progress is only at about ten percent. Rather than putting effort into making it on time for the deadline, it'd be more productive and realistic to try to extend it instead!

As it turns out, I wasn't the only one watching that heart breaking exchange.

Miura was twirling her hair with her fingers and breathed out.  
"…Well, handmade things might be too pushy? Makes sense why you wouldn't accept them."

After listlessly saying those words, a faint sigh came from a different direction.

"Pushy… I guess so…"  
Yuigahama rubbed the bun of her peach-colored hair with her thin fingers that stretched out of her slightly loose cardigan. She then made a troubled, but embarrassed smile.

After seeing that smile, something suddenly came to mind from some time ago.

"Handmade, huh?  
Just who was she making those cookies for?"

As I thought that, I looked towards her and our eyes met. Yuigahama and I averted our faces away in reaction.

"Well, it's the feelings that count, not what you get."  
Hayama's voice had a strained ring to it.

"You got that right! Nah, but see? I'm totally all over that, you know what I mean?"  
Tobe immediately hit his knees and expressed his agreement. Diagonally from him, Ebina-san crossed her arms and slid her gaze to the side.

"But you can't screw up with handmade chocolate or else you'll get exposed. And since it doesn't cost that much to begin with, that's kind of off-putting. Wouldn't it be easier to just buy premade ones instead?"

"Yeah, totally!"

As soon as Ebina-san finished, Tobe changed his opinion… Come on, you could at least try a little harder.

"…Mmhmm, handmade, huh?"  
Following Miura's disinterested voice was a burst of their cheery laughs.

There existed a division in their group just a little while ago, but it was no longer there.

Hayama was sincerely acting as the Hayama Hayato that everyone sought while Miura was slowly, but surely trying to shorten their distance in her own way. As for Tobe and Ebina-san, well, they looked the same as always, but after some time had passed, they had created a mood that fit them both.

And Yuigahama happily watched them.

The classroom was restless, but even so, their place which had leisurely grown warm like the slow transition to spring was a little too bright to watch from the side that I slightly closed my eyes.

And I could feel it in the air troubles where coming.

(but most importantly I WASN'T GOING TO GIVE HAYAMA CHOCOLATE EVEN IF THE HELL FROZE)

* * *

The hours of lessons ended I took all my stuff and got out of the classroom, walking for a moment I decided that I was far enough from the classroom and leaned against the wall. Closing my eyes I tried to put in order my thoughts

"Today I have a meeting and a raid, but I don't remember when, I'm pretty sure that the mission starts at 8 PM in Saudi Arabia… there are 6 hours of difference from Japanese time zone… and tree hours of flight so 11 PM I have to be at the encounter point at 11 PM

How many days, until my eighteenth birthday.  
How many days I can still live between two worlds like this, going to school during the day and "

*tap *tap *tap

I turned around and my shoulder received a light shock. I was met with a glum look from Yuigahama.

"Why'd you leave first…?"

"You didn't say anything about leaving together…"  
I said unpleasantly, not having an idea of why she took that attitude.

Yuigahama's mouth dropped open and she gently brushed her hair in embarrassment.

"…Oh, I totally thought you were waiting for me. You stayed in class for a while, so…"

"That's not really…"

While speaking, I gave some thought to the reason why I stayed behind. It's true that Yuigahama invited me to head to club together several times. Perhaps that's why I found myself waiting with the assumption that she'd come over to talk to me.

But another proper reason came to mind.

"Yeah, I just wanted to see how Hayama and Miura were doing."

"Ahh, right. I think they're good now, so I'm glad."

Yuigahama let out a small breath and weakly nodded. She then proceeded a few steps ahead of me in the empty hallway and twisted her body.

"It's kinda nice, you know? I'm sure everyone's thinking about all kinds of stuff, but it's like they're trying to live their lives as much as they can now while cherishing it…"

She stated each word in emphasis, wearing a gentle smile on her expression.  
"Yeah, I guess. We're probably having the best time of our lives right now."

"Ohh, you're unusually positive…"

"When you recall the past, you want to die from regret and when you think about the future, you get depressed from anxiety. So by elimination, our time now is pure bliss."

"You were being negative, after all!"  
Yuigahama dropped her shoulders with a sullen look. She then briskly walked ahead and voiced her complaints.

"There you go again with that stuff… Can't you read the mood?"

Said disconsolately Yuigahama

"Mood, huh…?"  
I muttered, before starting a monologue in my mind

"Like what kind of mood?

For example, the mood on Valentine's Day?

I suppose I could understand in that case. Occasionally, I'd learn from the masses, take in the mood, and play it off. Then, I'd just brush it all off with a simple "it's what everyone's doing." Doing that made you want to have expectations, be spoiled, lose yourself, and wait.

But I don't think that's something you should do.

It'd be insincere if all you did was wait. Regardless of the answer and conclusion awaiting you at the end of the tunnel, you should make sure to take that step forward without deception and incredulity and leave the regrets for afterwards."

That's why, I took in the mood and decided to ask now.

"By the way…"  
I squeezed out those words with a hoarse voice and Yuigahama turned around. Her inclined head and her eyes urged me to go on. Seeing her straight-on was somewhat dazzling that I slightly averted my face.

"…Do you have a day you're free on soon?"

"Huh? U-Um, yeah, I do… I think"  
Yuigahama said, prattling on and moving her hands in surprise. She fidgeted as she frantically took out her cellphone. But then, her movements abruptly stopped.

She shot a glance to the special building through the window, we were exactly in front of the door of the service club's room. After that, she had trouble bringing out her voice. And unlike earlier, her expression sank.

I was slightly surprised to see that and hesitated to ask why she was making that face, finding myself choking as well. The air in the hallway was awfully cold and dry that I had an uneasy sensation as if something was stuck in my throat.

Asking her that now in this place might've not been the best choice. Or perhaps, there might've been a better or smoother way to do so. Would it be weird to ask again? I just wasn't confident in any of those.

Unable to exchange any more words, I glanced at her face, my back still slumped and my eyes downcast. The problematic smile that she wore caused me to lose my breath.

To fill up the silence, Yuigahama quickly said,  
"Let me think about it and I'll tell you later!"

She made a few steps ahead then she turned towards me

"Hikki"  
With playful voice called me.

"Let's go to Yukinon"  
Said Yuigahama cutely.

I nearly blushed she was too cute, my face that until a second was lamenting about the cold was now growing hot, this was bad I needed a genial plan to avoid awkward situation

* ooooooooouuuuuuuu

I yawned and said smoothly  
"Sure, can we just have a pause at the vending machine before?"

"Uh…oh sure"  
Responded her puzzled.

We walked for a minute dodging all the students that were going to their clubs; when we reached the vending machine I took out from my pocket my wallet.  
Tossing some 100¥ coins in the machine I pressed two buttons, and waited for two cans to fell.

*tunk * tunk

One can was warm yellow and brown… the divine beverage MAX COFFEE, while the other was cool and pink, it was peach tea.

Taking both cans out of the vending machine Yuigahama looked at me in amazement. I wondered why….

I left the MAX COFFEE can on the floor, unbuttoned my shirt around the area where the purple spot was visible and brought the cool, pink can on it, releasing a sigh as the cold penetrated through the synthetic fabric.  
I needed to keep my cover safe, and making Yuigahama see the fake bruise was the best way to make all the Magi of the school quiet, they would believe I had been lucky today because I sustained sensei's punch with just a bad bruise.

I looked at Yuigahama in order to confirm the results of my plan and… I wasn't quite sure if it had work out or not.  
Yuigahama's face assumed many expressions in a fraction of second: first puzzlement, then apprehension and at the end disappointment.

"Something is wrong?"  
Asked her

She puffed her cheeks and left me behind saying  
"NO, Hikki no baka"

Hey hey hey you're sending confusing signals

She was mad at me for something, what… she thought that the peach tea was for her….ahhahaha impossible.

I eventually bought another can of lemon tea

"Well she is Yuigahama she will calm down in no time"  
I muttered catching up with her to bring the sweet drink. Seeing a third can in my hands she gently smiled. From her reaction I could tell my action pleased her…unfortunately didn't pleased my wallet.

We walked in silence another minute and we reached the door of the service club.

* * *

The door flung open. We walked through it and the room inside was enveloped by an air of coziness.

There were far more people then there should be in the classroom, yet strangely enough, I found it more comfortable here. Though, that could've been just a side effect of the sunlight that easily penetrated this clubroom in the special building.

With the gentle sunlight pouring on to her, sitting at her usual seat was Yukinoshita Yukino.

She lifted up her face from the paperback in her hand, quietly brushed her hair upwards, and softly smiled.

"Hello."

"Yahallo, Yukinon."

"Sup."

Yuigahama responded with a raised hand while I returned my typical greeting and we proceeded to take our respective seats.

I wasn't sure exactly when, but this seat had become my place. No one had qualms with me sitting here, nor did anyone decree I had to, nor did anyone force me to. It was far more pleasant than I was expecting it to be.

And that alone was reason enough for me to feel pangs of discomfort from the presence I wasn't accustomed to seeing.

"Senpai, you're so slooooow."

"And why are you here again…?"

Laying on the desk while indignantly kicking her feet was this school's resident Student Council President, Isshiki Iroha. Her gestures, whether it's her intentional sullen look or the way she was averting her face, were all so sly… No, but seriously, I can't believe she got here earlier than Yuigahama and me. Is she trying to be as swift as some kind of breeze?

"I asked her if she had some business here, but she wanted to wait for you two to come. So, she's been here ever since,"  
Yukinoshita said, mixed with a sigh.

She then deliberately sent an even colder glance to her. Despite that, she didn't forget to be hospitable and had prepared some tea for her. There's just so many ways of being hospitable that I want to start a Collection!

"But what I see"  
Yukinoshita said to me with an inquisitive glare

"you have stopped to buy drinks while I was here…with Isshiki-san"  
She continued with cold voice.

"oh I don't like where this conversation is going"  
I thought

"May I assume that the peach tea can is for me?"  
She said quietly

"Crap"  
Was the only word in my mind, looking at my hands one carrying my school bag and the other two cans

"Yep"  
I said in monotone putting down my stuff and throwing the pink can to Yukinoshita.

"Yuigahama read in my thoughts do not say I used that tea as an ice pack"  
I stared at the girl trying to make her read my thoughts, but…

"Hikki didn't you"

*ehm ehm ehm ehm  
I coughed as loudly as I could, silencing peach haired girl and giving time to Yukinoshita to open the can.

She brought the peach tea to her lips, but before starting to drink she whispered  
"This can smell funny…I don't dislike it though"

And began to drink the sweet tea.

Yuigahama and I where at loss but wisely decided to remain silent.  
Yukinoshita drank a few sips and then returned to coldly stare at isshiki

"Now that Yuigahama-san and Hikigaya-kun are here would you mind explain your presence in this club?"

As for the aforementioned Isshiki, she wasn't concerned with Yukinoshita's ice gaze. She turned towards me, placed her hand to her mouth, and whispered secretively.  
"Yukinoshita-senpai had such a nice smile when I got here, but she got really bummed out right after… She's been acting like that the entire time."

Ahh, really now… Well, duh, every time Isshiki shows up, she's always accompanied with nothing worthwhile, hahaha.  
"No seriously, why are you even here?"  
I thought.

Then, there was a weak cough.

"…Isshiki-san?"  
Upon looking, Yukinoshita had a broad smile.

"Uh oh, it's that smile! The one that Yukinon makes when she's being scary!"  
screamed in my mind trying to remember thing less intimidating...like a bomb

"Y-Yesss! I'm so sorry, I really do have some business here!"  
Isshiki ran behind me and pushed me forward, as though it was her conditioned reflex to cower away from that smile.

"Hey, stop it, that smile scares the hell out of me too, you know."  
I tried to say...key word tried

"W-Well, let's calm down. Iroha-chan, are you here for the Student Council?"  
Yuigahama mediated and waved at her to come back with a nonchalant face going

"Yui-senpai, you're so nice!"  
She returned to her original location.

I gave her an inquisitive look asking what she needed. Then, her face became even more nonchalant and she flapped her hand.  
"The thing is, it feels like I have a lot more free time than I thought I would or something?"

"Huh?"

"Again with her nonsense… I hope you didn't forget that you were the one who made us go through all that trouble last time… Or is it because we finished all that work for you that you have nothing better to do? I don't suppose this is one of those burn-out syndromes that happens when you're constantly subjected to cruel labor or something…? But it feels like we're the ones who burned out, so what's her issue again?"  
I gave her a stern look, digging into the meaning of her words.

She placed her index finger to her chin and cutely tilted her head.

"There's like no school events around this time of the year and the VP's taking care of all the small stuff for me. All I have left is just to stamp our year-end report."

You don't say. I wasn't familiar with what the work of the Student Council entailed, but surprisingly, that's the kind of things they're involved in, huh? The third years were well into their testing season while the school administration was occupied with the school entrance exams for new students.

That meant the current students were left unattended. Anyone would have nothing to do because of that.

"That's why, when there isn't anything going on, I put the Student Council on break."

Ohhh, a manager from a white company… Coincidentally, this club that forced us to gather in this room even when there wasn't any work to do was undoubtedly a black company!

And speaking of our resident black company manager, she nodded her head, moving her hand to her chin.

"Don't you have club to attend to as well?"  
Yukinoshita said, slanting her head to the side.

Isshiki cheeks slightly blushed as if from embarrassment and she sweetly averted her face.

"…It's really cold at the Soccer Club nowadays."  
That's something to be ashamed about, not embarrassed.

Yukinoshita pressed her hand against her temple in an attempt to hold back a headache while Yuigahama forcibly laughed.

"A-Ahaha… So, what did you need?"  
Yuigahama asked.

Then, Isshiki cleared her throat and turned her body towards me.

"So senpai, I don't really care, but do you like sweets?"

"What?"  
I asked genuinely confused

"what's that supposed to mean…Oh I got it"  
I thought upon hearing this sly fox sentence

"If you're talking about Hayama, I'm sure he'll be happy to eat whatever you give him."  
I understood Isshiki's general behavior all too well. I took the initiative and answered causing her to inflate her cheeks from boredom.  
Listening to her, Yuigahama seemed to recall something.

"Oh, but it sounds like Hayato-kun's not accepting any chocolate, though."

"Ehhh, why's that?"

"…Wh-Who knows?"  
Yuigahama inclined her head in confusion.

Then, Yukinoshita let out a brief sigh.  
"It's obviously because of the disputes that will ensue. During elementary, the classroom the follow day would see sparks flying all over the place…"

"…Ahh."

"…Ahhhh, I think I can see that."

Isshiki and Yuigahama nodded.

"Yep, yep, I totally can see that, too. Totally!"

I could easily imagine a huge commotion in the classroom next day where the girls would hold a "So Exciting Women Only Witch Trials of Absentia! Don't Forget the Betrayals, Too!" Conversations between girls were mostly about insulting other girls (self-research).

How scary, I thought. Isshiki, who had been living her life being subjected to resentment from the underwor—I mean, the society of girls, let out a shallow sigh.

"Fine, I'll just have to make do with you, senpai. So, do you like sweets?"

"That's one bizarre way of asking me…"

How do you expect an honest answer out of me when it's the same question from earlier? That feeling of being treated like a supplement and her apathy was out of this world. As those thoughts ran through my mind, a chair rocked. I looked over and Yuigahama was leaning forward.

"Hikki likes them a lot!"

"That's true."

On the other hand, Yukinoshita made an overbearing smile with a patronizing chuckle for one reason or another. Pressured by their behavior, Isshiki muddled her words.

"It's kinda weird how you both answered for him, but… that's good to hear!"

"Right… Wait, what is?"

"I've been wondering how sweet I should make my chocolates, you see. People have their preferences, right?"

Isshiki continued, ignoring my question.

Yukinoshita tilted her head.

"How sweet… Isshiki-san, are you planning to make them on your own?"

"Now that's a surprise…"  
I said.

Then, Isshiki made a resentful look.

"Why's that? I'm good at making sweets, you know."

"Dang, that must be nice. I wanna learn how to make them too, but I'm just so bad at it…"

Isshiki puffed out her small chest while Yuigahama ducked in her shoulders and hunched over in contrast. Hmm, that's funny, the chest that's puffing out looks a lot smaller… Is the perspective off or something? In any case, I'll go ahead and request that be fixed for the Blu-Rays!

Anyway, in Yuigahama's case, she was nowhere near the level of being just bad, but whatever. It's a trivial problem in light of her chest.

"Yui-senpai, cooking is all about being sincere. When you're making something by hand, your feelings of kindness and sympathy are what's important. The shortcut to improvement is to consider the person you're cooking for."  
Isshiki gently patted the depressed Yuigahama's shoulders to comfort her and she then erected a finger. With a peaceful smile, she encouraged her.

"Where did you hear this one "  
I asked raising an eyebrow

"From a lady in a café in centre"  
Responded isshiki for a brief moment before continuing

"After all, we're dealing with boys here who know absolutely nothing about handmade sweets. So, handmade chocolates are a piece of cake. It doesn't cost much to make a lot and you can add your finishing touches by customizing each one to your liking. The boys will be all over them."

"Your sympathy's gone far beyond the horizon… Even your kindness was purely for your wallet"

"It's more problematic because that way of thinking isn't wrong in the least as well…"

"It doesn't make me happy at all…"

Met with all that feedback, even Isshiki found herself taking a step back. She then forcibly changed the topic as if trying to brush off the topic while growling.

"Well, that was actually a joke. It's what senpai would say… "

"Seems fair"  
I thought

"That being said, I'd like some references for making obligatory chocolate. So senpai, what kind of sweets do you like?"

"What kind, huh…? I guess this."  
I said taking out a thing.

What I took out was, of course, MAX COFFEE.

Why, you ask?

It's because it's special to me, all bitter and sweet memories had at least one can of MAX in them.

As soon as I placed the can on the table, the three of them focused their stares on me.

Um, what's with those skeptical looks…? There isn't a person in Chiba who'd get upset from receiving this as a sweet. At least, that's what I wanted to say, but everyone's faces looked considerably doubtful…

Yuigahama stared at the can and whispered.  
"…I bet even I can make that"

"Like hell you can. Quit screwing around and stop looking down on MAX COFFEE. If you're thinking you can just dump condensed milk and sugar into coffee, you're quite mistaken. No, seriously, don't even bother."

"He's actually angry at that!?"

Obviously. It's a completely different beast from just putting condensed milk in coffee. In fact, putting coffee in condensed milk would be more convincing to me. You couldn't achieve that sticky sweetness through normal means. It wasn't something amateurs should stick their heads into.

Isshiki placed the tip of her finger on her lips to think and opened her mouth.  
"Actually, that would put me over my budget."

"I don't know exactly how much you plan on making, but you're under a rather severe budget if you're limiting yourself to less than 130 yen a piece…"  
Yukinoshita said in disbelief, rubbing her temple. That, however, wasn't a concern.

"No problem. MAX COFFEE is cheaper if you pick the right store and buy it in bulk."

"Jeez Hikki, just how into it are you…?"

"How much is "I survive to my sleep deprivation by drinking this""  
Was what I wanted to say but I went for a more composed

"It's what happens when you don't get many opportunities to drink sweet stuff. I'm always having to drink bitter stuff, after all."

I snorted bitterly while in my mind I triumphally said

"NICE SAVE high five Hachiman"

"of course Hachiman"

*clap

Then, stopping my celebrations, Yukinoshita brushed aside her hair along her shoulders and wore a tenacious smile.  
"Bitter things aren't something you drink, but something you experience."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. But the pain I have to deal with doesn't change. In that case, I just want to live the rest of my life drinking sweet juices."

Uhg I remember my first experimentation with pain manipulation I tried to share the pain I felt drinking black coffee the first times,( it was hilarious all my class mates from middle school puked the juices they were drinking)

"It sounds like what you're tasting aren't bitter things, but life itself…"  
Yukinoshita let out a profound sigh.

"ah…ah…ah You have no Idea how right you're, I swim in dark bitter waters from all my life, and to find some sweetness I had to dive in even darker waters…"  
I thought

Isshiki sneered.

"Right. I really don't care, though."

How mean. Isshiki gulped down the rest of her tea, placed her paper cup down, and turned towards me.

"I wanted to hear your thoughts on the basics of obligatory chocolate."

"Obligatory chocolate, huh…?"  
I scratched my head and sifted through my memories. Unfortunately, I had no experience of receiving any, so I didn't have much to say. The chocolate I received from my little sister was love chocolate! And all the other chocolate I ever received was from family

As though those thoughts showed on my face, Isshiki made an unpleasant snicker.

"Ohh, senpai, you're the type to not get any, huh? But don't boys usually compete over who gets the most chocolate? Won't you hurt your pride as a boy if you don't get anything?"

"Uh, it's not like I need them… When was Valentine's Day a sport?"

There's nothing simpler and clearer than determining the winner by number, but the rules were all over the place. Especially the incoming successive offside traps called obligatory chocolate! It was clearly a red card in that simulation. So, what's an offside trap? Here I am, not knowing a single thing about the rules of soccer.

I rambled on, saying one thing after the other. Isshiki seemed to have taken my ramblings as a bluff and didn't even bother to listen. She then sighed in disbelief while sending me a strangely warm gaze.

"I guess there's no helping you. In that case…"

"You don't need to be concerned for him."

Isshiki was then, interrupted by Yukinoshita. She smoothly lifted her hair and wore a composed smile while Isshiki's mouth hung open in contrast.

"Huh…? Don't tell me, Yukinoshita-senpai, you're going to-"  
Yukinoshita didn't let her finish speaking and softly chuckled.

"Because Hikigaya-kun doesn't have any friends he could compete with."

"Oh, that makes sense."  
I found myself nodding in conjunction with Isshiki, and we somehow looked like a couple of hens in a hen house. Right, that totally makes sense. So loners operated under primitive, jobless collectivism when it came to competitions, huh? The only problem is, it's too primitive and a loner's just one person.

When I was on the verge of falling into a thinking pit of what true peace really was, Yuigahama who was sitting on the side puffed her cheeks.

"I don't think you need to worry… Besides, Hikki will get chocolate… right?"  
She said and sent me a reserved glance.

I nodded back with a small smile.

"Wha…? You mean…"

Isshiki alternated glances between Yuigahama and me. When her eyes that trembled as though from bewilderment crashed with mine, I instinctively let out a proud laugh.

"Hmph, you got that right… I have Komachi, after all!"

(and around 300 member of a secret organization (°_°)...wait a minute those bastards never do anything for saint Valentine)

"And that's exactly why I'll get chocolate! Woohoo! I'm so glad to have a little sister! As long you have a little sister, you're good!"  
I happily thought

However, Isshiki tilted her head while blinking in confusion.

"Huh? Komachi…? Who's that? Is that rice?"

"No."

What, was the staple food at the Isshiki household Akitakomachi rice or something? Heck, just give me some rice from JA-Ugo9 or the collaboration rice they have. Then again, please get out there, JA-Chiba.

"Oh, Komachi-chan is Hikki's little sister."  
Yuigahama explained.

Isshiki made a completely apathetic face and let out a flat voice.

"You had a sister, senpai?"

"Yeah.  
I do. She's a world-level little sister. As a matter of fact, she's the world's little sister."  
I triumphantly answered and Isshiki stared at me suspiciously.  
She glared at me, her eyes narrowed as much as possible, and cocked her head to the side.

"…Siscon?"

"No stupid, obviously not,"  
I said, but the reactions from my surrounding were cold.

"Um, I'm not too sure if I can deny that,"  
Yuigahama said. Yukinoshita then looked down with a pensive face. Oh come on, help me out here.

Irohasu nodded her head convincingly to their responses. Then, she erected her index finger, moved it to her chin, and tilted her head with a perky smile.  
"Senpai, you really do like younger girls."

"No, not really."

Older, younger, it didn't matter. I was the type that almightily found most people hard to deal with.  
I brushed her off and Isshiki clicked her tongue.

"Then…"  
Isshiki coughed to check her throat, sent me a single upwards glance, and immediately looked away.

She tightly gripped one hand at the bosom of her uniform while the other weakly trembled and adjusted her skirt. With moist eyes, the breaths she let out were hot.  
Then, she spoke in fragments.

"Do you hate… younger girls?"

"I… do not! Yeah! If you had to ask, I absolutely loved them!"  
I wanted to say, but the situation might have become a mess

Yuigahama briefly sighed and looked at Isshiki.  
"You know what, the way you're asking really is the problem…"

"…Yeah, I guess."  
Yep, I can agree with that. Though, I was finally starting to get used to it now. Isshiki didn't find that pleasing and looked at me with resentful eyes.  
That attitude caused me to make a bitter smile.

Isshiki, her behavior, and her speech were charming, but there were several reasons why her actions didn't affect me all that much in the present. Had I been myself from long ago, I'd lose my wits within the instant, no doubt about it.

There's just one big reason amongst them all, however, and that was simple.

"As long as I have my little sister, I like them either way, older or younger."

"That sounds like a disease far worse than being a siscon or someone into younger girls!"  
Yuigahama's tragic scream reverberated in the room and Isshiki nodded in agreement with disgust. Now you just made me imagine what a slightly older Komachi would look like. I looked around the room hoping for someone else to agree with me and Yukinoshita was tilting her head with a complicated face and crossed arms.

"The problem is what qualifies someone as younger. Their school year? Birthday? Are they considered younger if their birthday is only a little later…? The definition's rather vague. I believe we should sort that out first, don't you think?"  
Yukinoshita said, blubbering on.

Yuigahama tapped her hands.

"Oh, but hey, Hikki seems like he'd be compatible with an older girl, for sure…! I think, definitely."  
She squeezed her fist, putting a lot of strength into it.  
But I certainly didn't have that obsession, yes.

"…That's not really applicable here. If we're talking about a year gap, it's not that big of a difference."  
Like mainly from an income perspective! The important thing was that they could take care of me. And in regards to that, Komachi was perfect. She possessed the talent to become a top breeder.

Isshiki moaned.

"Ehh, are you sure? Does Hayama-senpai think that way, too?"

(Unless he is a SSJGSSJ virgin)

"No idea."

"But senpai, you said that being younger is an advantage, right?"

"Yeah, I guess I did…"  
Upon hearing that, I pondered.

Speaking of which, she's a year younger, isn't she…? It certainly didn't feel that way because she didn't show the least amount of regard, honor, courtesy, and respect towards me, so she didn't feel like an underclassman at all…

Seriously, isn't she taking me too lightly? Sure, my initials may be H2, but I wasn't as trivial as hydrogen nor was I in any way related to baseball like a certain baseball manga10 out there. As a matter of fact, it wasn't even about baseball as it was just a romantic youth comedy. But really, it's so famous I find myself rereading all the volumes every summer vacation.

"If anything, you were born in April, so you're less than a year apart from me. So you don't feel all that much younger than me, anyway."

"It's only after I took a couple of steps back that I could feel the gap between us. If we're talking about the age gap from like Komachi or Haruno-san, that was obvious. Hiratsuka-sensei, that'd be… yeah.  
Mmmm  
List most dangerous Magus in Chiba  
Yukinoshita Haruno n°4,Higaya Komachi n°8, Isshiki Iroha n°9, Hiratsuka Shizuka n°13 no 10…  
I should chose, my acquaintances better...  
what was I thinking

oh right !  
Isshiki's really only about eight months away from me and three months from Yukinoshita-"  
I thought.

Isshiki didn't seem to be on the same page as I was and blinked at me in surprise.

"…"

"What…?"

"Oh, no… I was just a bit surprised."  
When I spoke to her, she fiddled with her front bangs and tried to play it off.

On the other hand, Yuigahama at the side noisily moved her chair back to make some distance from me.

"How the heck do you know her birthday!? That's scary! You're creepy, Hikki… No, seriously…"

"…You seem rather informed."  
Yukinoshita smiled firmly. Though it's closer to the smile of Nikkari Aoe than just a pleasant smile, so there was a transparent feeling of pressure oozing from it.

"No, Isshiki mentioned it the other day with her pointlessly sly appeal…"

"Did you say pointless!? I-Is not! Actually, I'm not the one being sly, it's you, senpai!"  
Isshiki jumped up from her chair and pointed her finger at me. Actually, I'm not the one being sly, you're the one normally being sly, Isshiki…

"I have an amazing memory, that's why…(I can speak 9 different languages)… Anyway, if you're done here, go back to your Student Council or Soccer Club already,"  
I said.

Isshiki pouted in outrage while reluctantly making her way out of the room. Good grief, this girl's acting like that again. Yeah, yeah, you're sly, so sly.  
Yukinoshita, Yuigahama, and I smiled wryly as we watched her leave. Then, the Service Club's door, ahead of where she was heading, was knocked on.  
After a gentle knock, our eyes were locked onto the lightly knocked door for a few moments.

Isshiki was about to leave the room, but after glancing back and forth between us and the door, she quietly returned to her seat. _Well, I can only imagine how awkward it'd be to meet eyes with the visitors on the way out._

Before long, festive voices came from the other side of the thin wall.

"It's not like we need their help…"

"It's fine, it's fine. Besides, I don't really know all that much, either."  
The voices consisted of a familiar blunt speaker and a tone that, while amiable, seemed forceful.

There was a knock at the door again, only this time it came across rhythmically.

"Come in,"  
Yukinoshita answered, and the door slowly opened. Appearing within the opening was Ebina-san's face.

"Hallo, hallo! Do you guys have a minute?"

"Hina? Oh, sure, come in, come in!"  
Yuigahama motioned her in with her hand, and Ebina-san returned a nod. _Indeed, the quicker you enter, the less wind makes it inside. My seat is the closest to the door, after all…_

"Excuse us for the intrusion,"  
Ebina-san said in polite greeting as she entered. Following wordlessly behind her, with a gloomy expression and averted eyes, was Miura.

"What can we do for you?"  
Yukinoshita asked.

Miura's mouth distorted as she shot a glance at Isshiki.

"And why's she here?"

"Oh, you know, that's exactly what I wanted to say… or something!"

Isshiki shot back a smile as Miura twirled her hair with a displeased glare.

 _"Oh, what a bizarre atmosphere…"  
_ I thought.

Her perception must have been similar, as Yuigahama came in to mediate.

"Ummm, does having more people here make it harder for you to talk?"

"No, not really…,"  
Miura answered, her attitude still curt. This certainly didn't look like she'd be able to talk about anything with ease.

"We can always make Isshiki leave if you want,"  
I offered.

"Huh!? Why!?"

 _It's not like you're a member of the club or anything… You being here as if it's a given is the abnormality, you know?_

Ebina-san patted Miura's shoulder to calm her down.  
"Now, now, Yumiko. Just think about what you want to talk about, see. If you don't get too specific, it should be fine. Right?"

"That's true… I imagine it may be difficult to discuss… I don't mind, however."  
Yukinoshita glanced at me, seeking confirmation.  
I acknowledged her with a nod.

"Well, why don't we just hear you out first? If it's too confusing, you can talk more personally with the others afterwards.-

"Uh huh, that sounds good… Oh, but hey, Iroha-chan might have some good ideas, too,"  
Yuigahama added.

Isshiki clearly wasn't pleased with being treated like an outsider, but I slowly inclined my head to Yuigahama, who answered with a relieved smile. I felt rather sorry for her since she had to be considerate to both parties.

"Let's start from the top then,"  
Yukinoshita said, restarting the conversation.

Miura eyed Isshiki for a moment longer, but eventually removed her glare. She fiddled with her hair as though looking for split ends, then opened her mouth to speak.

"…Well, you know? I was kinda thinking about making chocolate… Um, we have exams and all next year… So this is kinda like our last time or something."  
She quietly trailed off with a voice dripping with shame and embarrassment. Her cheeks gradually reddened as she spoke.

"Fuck this is some kind teenage love comedy, I don't wanna get involved into "  
I thought stopping to listen to Miura's conversation.

Yet even If my ears where disconnected, my eyes still worked and made me read Miura's lips

"Super fuck I need a way out of here"  
Then like a lightning in a cloudless sky a voice roared

"HIKIGAYAAAAAAAAAA"

"Thank god someone is calling me out of here….oh god someone is calling me out of here"  
I thought undecided of being happy or scared

A ferocious beat opened the door, Without knocking so rude, grabbed my left arm saying.  
"You now come with me"

and took me away from my clubroom. Oh it was Hiratsuka-sensei

* * *

Hiratsuka-sensei dragged me at the entrance of the special school building and said

"Shit, shit, shit "

"Sensei? What's wrong?"

"Ehm Hikigaya do you remember the punch I gave you this morning"

"It's not something that I can easily forget…"

"Well for some reasons the headmaster came to know about it and now wants to confirm. I didn't leave on you, evident marks right?"

"Actually"  
I said showing her the purple spot on the fake skin,

"You kind of made this"

"Oh shit, I'm so sorry, and I'm screwed too my career as a teacher is over, over over over"  
She entered in trance repeating "over"

I snapped my fingers in front of her eyes but nothing

"Wow that's pretty bad, I don't hold grudge towards her, on contrary I treasure Hiratsuka-sensei, so I wouldn't mind say that I had this bruise before coming to school but I doubt it would work. I 've to find a way… I can't make the ink disappear…I can't make become the headmaster blind… I don't have any body painting … oh I got it I can just show my real torso ahahaha no… I guess I will run at home, sorry Yuigahama Yukinoshita, this request is for you"  
I thought

"But first…HIRATSUKA SENSEIII"  
I screamed in order to take her attention

Nothing

*slap

Nothing

"Okay plan C"

With much care I brought my face near Sensei's ear she was whispering something like

"over…over…over…I couldn't learn suggestion magic noooooo I wanted to solve everything with punches… over…over…"  
I cleared my throat and said in calm voice

"Do you, Shizuka Hitatsuka, take this man as your husband"

"I DO"  
She said snapping out of her trance

"matte matte matte It actually worked"  
I thought with eyes full of pity

Hiratsuka sensei looked around herself, sorry is not your big day yet…

"ehm sensei I will go home before I run in to the principal, so this Monday I can cover it with something okay?"  
I said finally catching her full attention

"Really?"  
She said with her hand united in front of her

"Really really, now I just get my stuff from the club room and I'm out of he"  
"There you are"  
Said loudly a small man, with black hair and dressed in a three pieces suit…THE HEADMASTER!

He had some papers in his hand, and from a glimpse I had seen I could tell It was my data has a student.

"Fuck he has my photo under his eyes I can't say I'm Tobe"  
I muttered seeing my plan disappear

The headmaster reached Hiratsuka sensei (approaching another panic attack) and I. Looking on his papers he squared me and then said

"Are you Hikitani Hachiman young man….wait Hikigaya Hachiman "  
And there we go

"Yes sir"

"May I have a word in private with you and Hiratsuka-sensei?"

Ok this wasn't a question

"Oh sure headmaster, I just need to conclude a small discussion about my club with Hiratsuka-sensei,…right sensei"  
I said grabbing Hiratsuka's arm and dragging her away before, she had another panic attack or the headmaster did something else.

* * *

After dragging sensei in front of the service club room, she freed her arm and told me

"Hikigaya what are you doing we don't have time for this"

Hearing her I couldn't help but think

" is she stupid ?! Who the hell does she think I am, I'm Kamin….no Hachiman the man with a plan"

No..I had to calm downClearing my throat, I answered

"No the club is more important…IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO SAY?"

"Uh?"

"I can't believe I have to explain it, I have a plan to come out of this shitty situation "

"Oh that makes sense….what's the plan?"

"I have a… ehm cosplay thing that can cover the bruise I need you to make everyone in the service club, come out"

"okay… what's this cosplay thing you're going to use?"  
Asked me with shining eyes Hiratsuka sensei

"Crap her otaku senses had awakened I need to distract her"  
I thought

"Less words more action"  
I ordered like some kind of general

Fortunately Hiratsuka sensei remembered her situation and roamed in the service club, screaming  
"EVERYONE OUT OF THIS ROOM"

"What is haaaaaa"  
And Isshiki was out of the room

"Uh"

"Ah"

"Eh"  
And with a sequence of onomatopoeia came out of the room Miura, Ebina-san, and Kawa…something-san, when did she arrive?

"Sensei where is Hikkiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"  
Yuigahama out of the door

"Sensei you didn't knock kyaa"  
And Yukinoshita was the last.

Hiratsuka-sensei came out too

"Thanks sensei"  
I briefly said entering in the empty room,

*sbam

I closed the door, and started to strip for the second time today

"This isn't a stupid ecchi manga dammit"

I folded my fake skin and put it in my school bag, I hoped that the" cosplay thing" I mentioned would make Hiratsuka-sensei believe all these scars are fake, maybe she will think the scars are for some kind of cosplay of Kenshiro… or not I don't have the Big Dipper on me. I began to wear my shirt, but I noticed that my left shoe was untied, I leaned down for rectify, when the door at my back opened.

"Hikigaya-kun would you mind explain what's going o…"

"That's right Hikki you let Hirastuka-sensei thrown us ouuuuuu"  
Said my two club mate that had rudely interrupted my change of clothes

"Oh great, now I need to start the play before I wanted"

I muttered, then I counted 1…2…3

"OI what do you think are doing, I'm changing…do not peep on me hentai"  
I said turning to face them with my shirt still unbuttoned.

It was just me, or Yuigahama's and Yukinoshita's...faces where kind of…red

"W-w-w-why would you ASSume we entered here to peep Hikicreepy-kun"

" Yukinon is ABSolutely right! we were just SCARed because we didn't know what was going on, and we wanted some explanations"  
They said looking a few inches below my eyes...okayyyyyy.  
I snapped my fingers to catch their attention... and because I felt molested.

"Sensei today punched me harder than usual, and left a bruise the Headmaster heard about that and now wants to check, I have to trick him with this, fake otaku shit Zaimokuza bought forgetting about is weight"  
I said as fast as I could pointing my index to my belly.

Uncaring of their reaction I took my blazer, started to button my shirt and went out of the room while sentences like " Oh, that's why his bruise, was gone" or " Ah this actually make sense " floated in the air.

Leaving the room, I ignored the other four students outside the room, that for some reasons had their cheeks red too, I raised two fingers and gestured Hiratsuka-sensei that had her mouth open to follow me.

When I finished buttoning up my shirt, I put on my blazer with a swift movement and turned my head back, to confirm that sensei was actually following me… I only saw five people staring at the door where I came out, without moving.

"….have you seen a ghost…?"  
I asked puzzled

" …"  
They volubly responded

"SENSEI GET YOURSELF A GRIP I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE"

"Eh right"  
She said following me.

Finally some reactions!

* * *

I and Hiratsuka-sensei reached the Headmaster and he made us go in his office, it was a simple room with a table, some posters of famous phrases of shoji players, book shelfs full of documents, an armchair and two simple chair.

He made us seat on the chairs in front of the table while I seated in the opposite side of the desk on his red armchair. Giving a quick stare to me and Hiratsuka sensei he asked me

"Has something happened this morning ?"

"mmmm I don't remember anything worth of notice, I suppose I arrived a bit late, you see I had problems with my bike "  
I said playing dumb,

"Oh good, may I ask you to show me your belly, some rumours from the nurse reached my ears… something about Hiratsuka sensei hitting you really hard in the stomach leaving a big bruise.  
Because act of violence on students are inadmissible in my school I decided to check this rumour… also because Hiratsuka-sensei has precedents of violence on students…"  
He said quietly.

"Okay"  
I said to the small man

"But I had a few accidents in my life so please do not overreact looking at my scars"  
I added in order to keep my cover. A few fast movements and the area where I was hit was in front of the principal eyes, his face contorted in horror for a moment and then trying to keep his cool said

" I-I-I-I see the rumour was just a rumour after all"

"AH see I told you Kurogane, I didn't do anything

this time"  
Said triumphant Hiratsuka-sensei

"Now we are free to go"  
Affirmed proudly my teacher, but the principal wasn't of the same advice.

"Actually there is another thing I have to discuss with you two"

"Uh"  
We responded at unison.

"Hikigaya Hachiman-kun do you remember the exchange project you signed in June"

* * *

Flashback

"Hikigaya"  
Called me Hiratsuka-sensei

"Nani"  
I responded

"You're the new volunteer for the exchange project of a month next February, you will go in a city named Fuyuki. You will go to school there and live with the family of one of the archery club member, and then you will host that member, so he or she will participate to the national tournament of archery in Chiba this April yeeeeeee"

"Wait what! Why me?"

"Because none offered"

"What about NO"

What about the school will receive state subsidies if someone accept"

"What about NO AGAIN"

"If I told you that you can skip the math exam at the end of semester"

"Where do I sign"

* * *

"Vaguely "  
I responded to the principal

"Well you need to make your parents sign these papers. We had some problems so they have just arrived, oh and you are going to depart the day after tomorrow"

He said calmly

"Are you serious, this is too short notice, problems or not, it seems like some lazy writer needed to make the plot move faster…"  
I responded frantically

"I'm sorry but that's how it is"  
He said handing me the documents

"Hiratsuka-sensei you're his homeroom teacher explain to him the other details and answer his questions"

* * *

After fifteen minutes of information sharing between me and my teacher, and her promise to not making me re-do an essay ever again, I went to the service club. When I opened the sliding door I saw six girls seated around the table they all had assumed the pose of Gendo Ikari and stared at the nothingness.

*ehm

I coughed  
"Is everything all right?"

"Well"  
Said Yuigahama explaining me the whole situation.

"So Miura and Isshiki want to give Hayama chocolates"

"I never said it was for Hayato"  
Miura interrupted me blushing furiously.

"Is she serious? does she think I would believe it"  
I wondered

"….isshiki and Miura want to give Hayama handmade chocolate, and Kawasaki want to teach her sister some simple sweets to make…I got everything right till now"

"Yes"  
Responded Yukinoshita

"But you don't know how do these things because Hayama doesn't accept chocolates and Kawasaki can't take her little sister here in order top let Yukinoshita oversee the all the cooking"

"Seems about right"  
Said Yuigahama

"ugh I can't believe I have to think about this shit! I have too many thing to do"  
I complained in my mind.

Thinking about all the possible solution to these problem only one seemed fit to solve both of them at the same time

"Isshiki…now follow my instructions, the student council is in pause, right, well not anymore, book the social centre, and make stock of chocolate and kitchen tools, we will make an event this weekend, where Yukinoshita will teach girls how to make chocolates while boys will do taste tester. Clear  
Ebina, Miura, Kawasaki spread the voice that the weekend before Valentine's day there would be this event "  
I said after a full minute of reasoning.

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun ep 6**

"OVERHEATING"

* * *

Six pairs of empty eyes look at me then Miura said

"Could it be that Hikio is actually smart"

"Shut up, fire queen"

As I gave my instructions the four girls started to move and left the club.

"Thank goodness!"

I thought.

* * *

Minutes flowed and the un continued to come descend, Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, were checking on their smartphones chocolates cakes and other things to cook during the event. Seated on my chair I was reading a book until I stared at my phone looking for the time, my technological device made me realize it was quite late, and that I had to go home.

"Well I think we can call a day"  
I said standing up.

Hearing my voice the two girls looked outside to see the nearly disappeared sun.

"Oh is later than I thought"  
Said Yuigahama in amazement

"Indeed, we were too focus on the sweets for the event, I still need to find something that even Yuigahama can make…"  
Echoed Yukinoshita, when Yuigahama heard about Yukinoshita concerns puffed her cheeks and hit her with soft punches

"Yukinon no baka"

*ahahha

Looking at this scene I couldn't contain my laugh and say  
"Yukinoshita you have one hell of a mission"

"Moo Hikki you too, my cooking have improved a lot since you last tried"  
Hearing her talking about the first request of the service club made feel so nostalgic

"This weekend you will taste "Yui's super chocolate"  
Said Yuigahama puffing her chest, making me remember I haven't told them about the project yet…

"Ehm Yuigahama, Yukinoshita actually(….)"

"You what!"  
Said the two girls at the same time

* * *

Returning at home from school I found the cars of my parents in the garage, it was pretty shocking because usually they came out from work way later. I left my bike in it's usual place and walked in the house, leaving my shoes in the entrance, I slowly moved in the living room where my little sister was watching some kind of anime on television

"Oh oni-chan, you're back"

"Sup"  
We greet each other.

After that I began to look around the house searching for my parent, but I didn't manage to find them

"Imoto-chan… where are our parents, their cars are outside"

"They are in the workshop, do you need me to get you in?"

"Thanks I'm just going to change myself"  
I said going in my room and changing my clothes in a green track suit.  
then came back in the living room where Komachi had turned off the TV, she stood before the bookcase of me and my father filled with our favourites book.

I nodded to my sister, she took out from a shelf an old book hardcover in leather, she let her mana flow in it, and then she put it back in its place.

*vrom

A creepy noise filled my ears and a secret passage was displayed behind the bookcase.

"Thanks Komachi… what are we going to have for dinner?"

"You're welcome oni-chan, and mom said we will have pizza"  
She responded

"Oh pizza the only food I love and hate.."  
I muttered heading in the dark passage.

Step after step I followed little magic laps that were attached at the wall every three meters lighting up of orange light the dark hallway.  
As I went through spider webs until my hair were all dirty I wondered how was possible that no matter when this palace was always full of webs.  
I reached a spiral staircase and following the noises of my parents working I descended the steps arriving in a room two times the size of my bedroom.  
The air smelled like mud and inside the room there was a whole set of strange things: crystal of curious shapes, death animals in jars filled of strange a liquid and many tools of dubious purpose.

My parents were wearing safety goggles and were fumbling on a silver bracelet, with a ruby like stone, and the shape of a peach seed embed in it.  
Hi dad, hi mom"

They continued to work… they probably didn't hear me with the noise they were making.

"HI DAD HI MOM"

Nothing again…, tired of not being heard I searched for my attention gainer device. I went to look under the metallic table in centre of the room, and found a blanket covering my special device, 2 old pans…I took them, leaving the papers for the exchange project on the metallic table, one in each hand I looked at my parents one last time and then

 _*BAM *BAM*BAM*BAM_

"What the fu… Hachiman!?"  
Said my parents

"FINALLY! REACTIONS"  
I pleasantly saw

"Hi dad. Hi mom, how was your day?"

"Usual"

"Awful"

"What are you doing, another mystic code for the summoning familiars…like every other mystic code in our family?"  
I asked with a bit of sarcasm

"Yes, and for your information the familiars summoned by the Hikigaya clan are amazing"  
Retorted my father mustering his pride as a magus...but,well

"Yes yes, I know, judging by how focused you two were, you are struggling a bit…"  
I responded condescending

"We may have some problem with magic stone for the summoning"  
Said my mother throwing the bracelet to me, my father nearly screamed when I caught it in mid-air.

"Let's see"  
I said looking at the mystic code from every angulation, the cold of metal ran through my fingers and all the runic incisions on the bracelet surface were felt by my sensible fingertips.

" What is this bracelet supposed to summon?"

" A Kitsune"  
Said my father drily

"Oh sweet, how many tails?"

"From one to four, you turn the red gem to choose"

"Ah so tuning the gem analogically, you redirect the flow of the mana in order to activate more runes"

"Basically"

"But you can't make it work, right dad"

"…."

"What if I told you that there is a mistake with the runes here"  
I nonchalantly said pointing a rune near the gem

"Really?!"  
Said my father in shock

"Yes look you missed one line so the mana flow stagnates before the gem can trigger the summoning"  
I explained tossing the bracelet to my mother.

"He has no magic circuits that function properly but is always a step ahead of us, darling"

"ah you're right…  
wait a minute our son had just helped us

Hachiman tell your father what you want"  
Said my father seeing through my actions

"…"

"…"

"Do you remember of that exchange, I talked you about last June?"

* * *

Flashback

"Dad"  
I called him

"Nani  
He responded

"I'm the new volunteer for the exchange project of a month next February, I will go in a city named Fuyuki. I will go to school there and live with the family of one of the archery club member, and then you will host that member, so he or she will participate to the national tournament of archery in Chiba this April yeeeeeee"

"Wait what! Why you?"

"Because none offered, and my teacher suck"

"What about NO"

"What about I will be able to skip the math exam at the end of the semester"

"what about NO AGAIN"

"I will give you the list of all the boys Komachi hangs out with"

"Where do I sign"

* * *

"Vaguely "  
He responded

"Well I need you to sign those papers on the table. The school had some problems so the documents have just arrived, and I'm kinda going to depart the day after tomorrow"  
I said calmly

"Are you serious, this is too short notice, problems or not, it seems like some lazy writer needed to make the plot move faster…"

"I now I said the same things, but that's how it is.  
I talked with Hiratsuka-sensei she said that most of the expenses will be paid by the school of Fuyuki and the family I'll stay with but, I should take with me some emergency cash like 15000¥ "

 _*fuu  
_ My mother and father breathed

"Let your mother and I look at those paper, meanwhile can you order pizza delivery, with your phone, I will take a vegetarian and you dear"

"I will take a four seasons"

"Sure, I will send Komachi to call you when they arrive"  
And as I said so I started to come out from the workshop leaving my pans where I found them.

I needed to return in the living room before calling the restaurant, because in that goddamned hallway there wasn't signal.  
I asked Komachi what kind of pizza she wanted , called the pizzeria and then retired myself in my room.

* * *

 _*click_

I locked the door, took my laptop on my writing desk, turned it on.  
I waited for the screen saver to appear, and pressed on the keyboard the same 20 numbers code of this morning, the screen went black and the symbol of the snake of Oroboro appeared, It started to move in shape of the usual horizontal eight.  
I hated waiting for the computer loading

(2 minutes later)

(five minutes later)

"Welcome back" shone on the screen a red writing

"Finally"  
I esclamed after that nerve wreking waiting.

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun ep 7**

"BRAIN-KUN WAKE UP"

"no...fufmfufmfu...loading screen...banana"

* * *

facing my laptop I entered in serious mode began to open my e-mails and look at all the reports I needed to check.

"YOU HAVE 99+ NEW MAILS"

It felt like a gun pointed on my head  
"shit..."

Movement of Chinese army, diagrams of new inventions from the research and development department, reports from all the agents undercover in terroristic groups, U.N., U.S.A, U.E., Clock tower, progresses of all the shadow companies of Oroboro and the news about the training of new recruits.

Thousands and thousands of words that ran under my eyes, information and information of the subtle plots that decide how this rotten world move.  
Finishing to read the general reports I checked all the personal messages I received

"Oh Winry developed a new model of Automail, I hope she doesn't try to replace someone's limb in his sleep...it wouldn't be the first time  
Kyotaka is bored of his new school, Yeah it's kinda of a waste to send an operative like me to a boarding school but Ototou-kun need to socialize more with common people  
(said the pot that called the kettle black)  
Levi taking the reins of Tri-corps doubled the receipts and he hadn't kill anyone… yet...I hope  
Sora and Shiro have all the informatics department under control…I should invite them in a co-p on Monster Hunter,  
Megumi as found herself in some problem at Totsuki academy, if she encounter any major problems she will ask help  
Ashua has just ended her mission under cover and is now nursing Kazumi, He is still in rehabilitation,  
my best sniper,  
fuck...  
Hiccup had secured a position of power in Norwegian government  
and Edward is still in radio silence in London."

"Well no emergencies until no"

I Closed the e-mails I opened another program. This time in front of me there was the 3D structure of a skyscraper high one hundred and eighty metre:  
I checked plans of each floor, and projected all the routes the guards use during night patrols, with red lines.  
Opening another window on my PC I searched in various files all the weaponry of the P.C.A. (Petroleum and Coal, Arabia), had bought in the past days to fortify their main building.

I was ready to add all those weapon to the simulation when

"ONI-CHANNN the delivery boy is here"

"Okay I will be there in a minute"  
Two swipes of my mouse and all anti-aircraft guns were place in all possible spots, leaving my model of the skyscraper complete.

 _*grumbl  
_ my stomach grumbled, apparently I had work enough.

"Damnit I should really hire a secretary, to deal with all the reports and paper work"  
I thought heading towards the dining table where my family was already seated.

* * *

"hen they saw me coming my sister said  
"He's here Itadakimasu "

Digging her face in the food,

"Oh god does my little sister eat like this all the time, she's gobbling the food like a starved animal"  
I sat on my chair, said the Japanese sentence "itadakimasu" and started to eat my ultra-cheesy pizza

"Good"  
I muttered while hot wires of mozzarella cheese went down my throat.

The meal was consumed in silence with occasional request for water until my mother said  
"Hachiman we looked all the paper for the exchange project and signed them you will have to give those papers to the teacher…Taiga Fujimura was it ?  
she will be your legal guardian for all your time in Fuyuki"

 _*vaeggfkaegvwiulflgbqw  
_ Komachi almost choked, she had her mouth full and when she heard kaa-san talk about the exchange, all that food went sideways.

I poured a glass of water and brought it to my dying sister, she drank it in one go, and then watched me with incredulous look

"What is this story you are talking about? Exchange project?"

"Your brother is going to go in a city named Fuyuki for a month starting from this Friday"

"How? Why?"

"By train oh  
Hachiman you have to buy your ticket online  
and because in this way he will survive this year math final exam"

"Do not forget kaa-san that I will be fed for free for a whole month"

"This…make actually more sense than it should, Oni-chan taking the effortless easier way, choosing free food…"  
Unconsciously I started to nod.

Me and my parents shared other few information; about what I should have taken with me for a whole month and if it was the case to take a prepaid card.  
after many agreements I excused myself and went in to my room leaving Komachi to wash the dishes for that evening.

* * *

*click

Locking the door was an habit I took a few years ago, after all you never know when a loud sister will break in or a strange creature summoned by your parents will try to make their nest in your underwear drawer.

"Forget those strange worms"

I Checked the time on my smartphone 22:24 it was time to get ready.

I opened my secret drawer and took my two guns, the dagger, one of the many keys and some jewels filled with mana.

"Ok here I have everything"  
I said beginning, the most difficult task of that night

pull everything in my pockets

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun ep 7**

 _Tetris song in the background_

"WHY, why don't you fit in...WHY!"

* * *

it was a difficult task but I managed to put very thing in my pockets.  
From under my bed I took out a pair of black trainers and wore them then I opened the window of my room and jumped down.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

For many people a fall from the second floor was a nice occasion to sprain their ankles or worse, but for me it was like stealing candies from a kid...a thing that I have never done...before.

I landed in the backyard without making a noise and sneaking like a ninja I reached the road in front of my house.

"perfect none have seen me who needs Kamui"  
I said walking on the side walk passing in front other five houses at the left of mine and then turning in front of the sixth one .

In front of me there was an house that at first sight looked like all the other in my block, but the closed curtains and the slightly neglected grass of the lawn suggested otherwise.

"safe house number 13 code-name **tea party** "

I jogged in front of the house's garage and with the key I brought with me I opened its door.

Inside the garage there was a motorbike, that looked like those of moto GP, but it was without any kind of sponsor or writing.  
it was a pure obsidian brand-less bike.

"hello Biky-kun 2, did you miss me?"  
I asked to the motorcycle closing the door of the garage behind me.

I looked around checking that all the stuff I left here was untouched: the old dusty mirror still on the wall and the metal closet still in the corner.

"Good"  
I said stripping from my track suit and fake skin and stretching my back.

"stay hunchbacked all the day kills me"  
I muttered opening the closet and taking out a jar of plastic filled of hexagonal pills.

I took one and swallowed it then I walked in front of the mirror only in my underwear.

"Time to change look"  
I said staring at my reflection before my skin and hair started to get Itchy on my skin black marks started to appear and my black hair started to change from pitch black to red.

In a few seconds a tattoo of two black snakes twisting around my body formed; the tails of these two animals were on my ankles. Their body spirally rose my legs, then switched sides encircling my hips, continued to go straight up on my torso's sides, descended on my arms again spirally, reached the back of my hands and made an U-turn, headed to my neck rising up spirally one more time creating many "x"s on my arms.  
After covering my arms the snakes reached my neck and they climbed it up in the same way they twisted around the other limbs, then went behind my ears, and ended their body above my eyebrows where two reptilian heads with their fanged mouth open enclosed my eyes.  
(one time a drunken guard started to scream that a pair of snake was eating my eye balls ).  
On my belly also appeared a big black zero while on my back was written in gothic letters "ANGRA MAINYU" the code name I chose for myself, "All the World's Evil", a title that I felt quite befitting for myself.  
Of course the effect of the pill I took before didn't end here my hair, that had started to become red had become crimson like blood.

"Anybody who see me in this state will never recognize me"  
I said checking my dyed hair and tattoos in the mirror confirming that all the invisible ink had reacted to the drug I ingested before.

everything was fine.

I headed again towards the closet and took out my mission suit: Military boots, black pants, a bulletproof jacket made with the most advanced technology and magecraft (of course rigorously black) a leather belt where I attached my guns and dagger and a pair of gauntlets that covered all my hands and forearms with some kind of black leather and metal .  
I wore all my clothes and tapped on the metallic plates of the gauntlets revealing secret cavities, that I filled with the jewels I brought from my drawer.

"Secondary mana reserves check"  
the gaunlets responded emitting two blue sparks

"Perfect, now"  
I picked up my integral helmet from the closet.

"Angra Mainyu out from **tea party** 22:36"  
I muttered in the helm microphone jumping on my black bike,

"Power on"

My motorbike in response made its engine roar then I pushed a button to make the door of the garage open and I gave gas

the wheels screeched on the ground, in one second... I was just a black bolt in the night.

* * *

Streaking for Chiba's empty roads was one of my favourite things...it made me see my city from a different point of view, but unfortunately today I couldn't laze around on my motorbike.

Ten minutes later I came out from the safe house I was from the city and reached a desert area.  
I stopped next to a solitary street the night was clear and a chilly wind was blowing. I came down from my motorcycle and breathing fresh air I took my helmet off and said the magical words to make my adventure begin.

"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR OF THE PLANE HICCUP"

As if responding to my words suddenly a grey jet appeared above my head and slowly landed with the precision of an helicopter, 3 metres away from me.

the plane was named "NightFury Family model" but from many Oroboro's members was known as "Copyright" because it vaguely resembled the "Queen jet " from the MCU

"Geez how did you know I was already here!"  
A voice said in perfect Japanese

"The air under the plane is hotter"  
I responded

"Oh right,… eh well…come aboard of my beautiful vehicle the others are already all inside"  
Said a thin young man around nineteen, with one prosthetic leg, a big nose, a black wyvern large like a parrot named Toothless on his shoulder  
(Warning he is not actually toothless do not put your hands in that thing's mouth)  
He had his face filled with my same tattoos and had my same red dyed hairs, trade marks of a full fledged member of Oroboro.

"Hey Dragon trainer you may be the one that pilot this jet but I paid for it! stop saying it's your beautiful vehicle"  
I groaned

"What a killjoy boss Hachim… I mean Angra Mainyu, when I'll buy my own jet you won't be allowed to enter"  
He retorted crushing me in an unwanted hug .

"How long ago was the last time we saw each other?"  
I asked searching for air

"don't know... a month maybe two.  
After all not every day I fly from Norway to Japan for a meeting of all the high council of Oroboro"  
He said with an easygoing tone while I freed myself

"You mean that handful of kids that likes to make things explode and sometimes try to conquer the world"  
I asked sarcastically

(And yes! my dream/hobby is to conquer the world...or at least change it)

"Nooooooo. What? I meant those idiots that had seen a lonely Japanese boy throwing his life away for the others without thinking twice and thought -Nice idea let me try-"  
He retorted even more sarcastically as I laughed bitterly.

With a sign of my hand I gestured my friend it was time to go

"Friend…no he isn't a friend.  
Him and all member of Oroboro are not my friends... they are my weird family...composed of weird people that do weird stuff with me.  
No wonder they are the only people I can handle for more than 36 hours"  
I thought entering in the plane

"Oh Almost forgot my masculine bike."  
I muttered

"Get here !"  
I said trying to sound authority.

 _*Vroom  
_ My motorbike got onboard too.

"Hey give me two wires I have to bound my jewel"

* * *

After I tied up my bike Hiccup and I walked a few steps and reached a pressurised door.

"Welcome back N6 and N0"  
said a female robotic voice after my companion touched the handle

"Geez I should really get rid of this greeting system It was fun at first but now it's just annoying"

"Ah I remember when you set it to call you GREAT DRAGON LORD"

"Oh com'on it was during the chuuni period of the organisation, wanna talk about the experiments to create Pokemons"  
He said crossing a small room and opening another pressurised door.

"Is a beautiful night isn't it?"  
I said switching topic and following Hiccup

Behind, the second door there was another room 9 metres for 9 metres lightened by white neons, with a glass looking table was in the middle, surrounded by small armchairs where 8 serious people sat...or at least was I hoped to see.

And don't get me wrong in the room there were indeed 8 people but  
... I couldn't understand how was even possible to make a mess this... This...messy and judging from Hiccup face, the room wasn't with Coca-Cola's cans on the floor, chips bags floating in the air, and heavy metal music coming out from the stereo when he came out.  
Every person in the room was seated in strange poses (that even L would have been proud of) and everyone was minding his own business.

"This is what happen when you fill a room with loners, they don't socialize they're alone... together"  
I thought holding back tears of pride

"Hello"  
I said

*completely ignored*

"hey why no one is noticing me! am I invisible or what?!"  
I thought falling in depression

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun ep 8**

"You're not invisible they just don't care"

* * *

Taking a deep breath I walked in the room painfully slowly, none appeared to have noticed my presence really... It made me sad.

"okay...they want to play like this... **now I'm going to be serious** "  
I muttered letting my eyes grow sharper and colder

I reached the middle of the room, cleared my throat and calmly screamed.

"HELLO BUNCH OF TEPPISTS...it's nice to BE COMPLETELY IGNORED  
now I'm going to be clear  
SORA SHIRO STOP PLAYING MEAT BOY ADVENTURES"

"We are doing our third, no death run tell him oni-chan"

"Just one more level Hachiman...( _ **stare**_ )Shiro give me the game"

"WINRY STOP MODIFYING THE ROCKETS DO YOU WANT TO BLOW UP?!"

"Relax it won't happen...again"

"MEGUMI GODDAMN CAN YOU STOP TO EAT THE KANJI OF PERSON WE ARE NOT GOING TO DO ANOTHER DAMOCLES OPERATION!"

" yes, forget DAMOCLES forget DAMOCLES"

" LEVI STOP CLEANING THE BOOGERS UNDER THE ARMCHAIRS"

"..."

" on a second thought END CLEANING FAST"

"ASHUA STOP LISTENING MUSIC NOW"

"Uff aye oni-N2"

"KYOTAKA PUT AWAY THAT BOOK"

" Fine...Ni-san"

"AND"

 _*Ronf_

"..."

 _*Ronf_

"Someone wake up Kasumi"

 _*Slap_

"Thank you Ashua, HICCUP MAKE THIS PLANE FLY"

"Music for my ears"  
Said the boy rushing in the pilot room.

After my speech I took an armchair and beside the table as the other eight did the same.  
we looked at each other 7 Japaneses, a German, and a British... the start of a joke.

"Well, let's begin this meeting"

But a joke that will change the world.

* * *

Usually I hated Oroboro's meeting, many people in a room that show their many progresses and the same number of people that respond with sarcasm.  
9 out of 10 the whole thing turned in a brawl or a storm of insults.

so everyone was always ready to show all their progress...or had an endless list of insults prepared

(Thank god I have Yukinoshita as sparring partner)

* * *

Without further delay the meeting began and everyone started to show their progress in each of the fields they dealt with.

The one first to talk was Chigusa Kasumi a boy of my age that, according to rumors was "my twin divided from me at birth"  
And I guess I can see their point. When we do not look like demons, both of us have messy black hair (he doesn't have my ahoge though), built, lazy aura and way to speak .

He is the chief of the economic department, and the best sniper in the whole Oroboro, the last mission I gave him...didn't end well.

Long story short.  
He was making inoffensive a group of terrorists in Russia, the building he was on caught fire, The fire scorched his left arm,with third degree burns that damaged his nerves, making his arm unfeasible:  
Unfortunately that fact made me unable to heal him with my magic

I can heal a person until he's in pain, otherwise I can't do nothing.

you can say  
" a problem is not a problem if is not seen it as one"

Right now with the most advanced medical treatments of Oroboro he is making progress, but I'm pretty sure Winry tried to cut off Kasumi's arm and replace it with an automail.

"Well (-BORING FINANCIAL STUFF-) and last but not least our ten-annual plan is following it's schedule; our shadow companies are now the major producer of food, energy and public procurements in the world.  
Is only a matter of time before we rooth permanently in the world's economy...etto… our biggest company right now is the Tri-Corp,  
so I think that is your turn Levi, I mean Stronger Soldier -  
Said Kasumi with sleepy voice, while projecting on the glass table data.

"okay he said pretty much nothing new... the information I have under my nose speak for themselves, the growth of our companies is slow but constant."  
I thought analysing the data under my eyes

* * *

The strategy of Oroboro was simple, different companies worked in the same area and created synergy with each other without making it obvious. Let's say if, we operate a ski facility, then we make sure to be the only ones in that area to sell the right equipment, to posses the hotels, and groceries shops: so everyone who use or work in that implant willing or not make us earn money.  
Of course the quantity of money we needed to invest in order to create this kind of system was enormous but the results didn't lack.

Now I kinda cut the part in which we currupt, blackmail, steal and do industial espionage...but who cares we pay taxes!

* * *

After being, called in into question, Levi "The Strongest Soldier", who was a quiet small man with his hair cut in military style, expressionless eyes and a nearly maniacal hobby of cleaning.  
Standing up from his armchair (with is 160 centimetre of glory) cleared his throat and said

"Everything is fine"

"..."

"..."

"talkative as usual...or maybe he has ready some cool insults"  
I wondered

"..."

"..."

"Why is everyone staring at me?!  
NO no and No I won't start an insults war with Levi! I might have trained him but he is too scary"  
I tried to communicate telephatically

Understanding that none had decided to battle him Levi took a deep breath and said  
"Everything is fine.  
I took command of the Tri-Corp with, as you know, the alias of Eren Jager.  
I believe that all of you have seen the report about the increase of receipts, what you haven't seen is how.  
In the past few months the Tri-Corp was losing money, for continuing delays in the building of the new facilities in France and Italy. I went to check on them and discovered that our competitors corrupted the workers and hired local Mafias to damage the buildings.  
I made sure the local polices caught them, I interrogated them (with my sweet boots) and collected enough evidences to incriminate our competitors."

"I haven't seen anything on the news"  
commented "Ultrasonic shot" aka Kasumi Chigusa

"Because all the information will be public tomorrow, I told the various CEOs that if they repaid all the damage done to the Tri-Corp I wouldn't sue them but...I lied.  
I guess what you always say is right Hachiman  
the best defence is the blackmail"  
responded slightly smirking Levi while I struggled to remain impassable

"He has used my words I'm so proud"  
I squirmed in my mind

"Ahahah You made them pay you and then make them pay even more lol, I understand how YOU managed to make so much money this fast"  
Said [ ], Sora with a shameless grin.

"what did you mean, with...that...YOU, Blank"  
Responded Levi annoyed

"Nothing sir,rightShiroImeantnothingIwouldntdaretocriticizaLevisamaskills"

"Ni-Chan, none is going to bully you"  
Said pitifully the gamers siblings with teary eyes.

"I can't believe how easily they can change from sharp and cunning to helpless."  
I complained in my mind

"Well, I guess I have nothing else to add... Except two things:  
first who had the brilliant idea to forge a document that says I'm thirty five, look at me, people ask me my documents every time I go to a pub for a beer, I'm 22 dammit. "

six fingers pointed at me  
"traitors"

"And second, the younger Elric has shown sign of recover from his coma he may be able to wake up in the next few months, you should tell it to Full Metal, Mechanic-

"YES!, Thank you Levi I'll tell it to Ed right away"  
Said Winry excited

"How nice! finally after Alfonse Elric is going to awake Ed will be really happy but wait...how can her, tell him right away..."

"Hold your horses, isn't Edward in Radio silence?...please tell me you aren't in contact with him"  
I said with exasperated tone to the girl.

I didn't need her answer...

"Well..."

"Goddamit Brat you know how difficult was to make Edward enter in that fucking Clock tower"

"But  
I'm sorry"

"If this operation doesn't work I'm going to cut your salary  
No...  
you will finally confess to Ed"  
I said finding all the malice in my heart

"WHAT!"

"All of us here can take it anymore of this trashy love story from a series B shojo manga.  
Am I right minna-san? "  
I said conveying my feelings

"YES "  
Echoed the council

"Wait aren't they already together?"  
Said Hiccup from the pilot room leaving everyone confused.

"Please define"  
asked Kyotaka

"I've seen them kiss this new year party, you now when we rented that cruise ship and gathered all the member of Oroboro"

"Yeah I remember, because someone (Kyotaka) distracted me while someone else (Ashua) called the cruise company and Sora paid with all the budget for Recreational Activities"

"Why I'm the only one you called by name?"

"Because after you wasted money buying a Keijo team I had to spend three hours talking to ten girls about the aerodynamic of their asses!"

"Lucky bastard...ehm what were you saying Dragon Trainer"

"I was saying that during that party Winry and Ed were piss drunk, I was searching Tootless and I saw them kissing in an empty room"

"What!"  
Said Winry with her cheeks on fire

"I don't remember a thing"

"Which part of piss drunk you didn't get... wonder if Ed is as forgetful as you..."  
I responded to her amused as I saw Winry reach level of embarrassment I've never seen before.

"damn here we are all fucking alcoholics"  
I thought watching all the budget we spent in alcohol

" I 'm forgetting something...Oh right!"

"New topic the wedding of Fa Mulan is coming leave yourselves free the 28 of July"

"Oh God She's really Marring General Shang"  
Said Kyotaka

* * *

The meeting continued for another hour where:

Megumi exposed how she gathered sensitive information from all the most important food producers and from chefs of high class restaurant where politician and other VIPs usually go to eat.

as expected from the chief of the Kidannapping division.

"the funny thing is that her approach is so delicate that people realize they have been kidnapped only after the police shows up"  
I grinned recalling a few cases in which the hostage was like "EH!" when showed raising their guns.

Then Kyotaka complained about his new school, but well none cared  
he blackmailed some important people sending pictures of their sleeping sons, daughters, from his school. (thing that I didn't tell him to do)  
and gave a brief summary of all the Charity project Oroboro was running.

Apparentely there were not immediate problems.

Ashua explained how she dismantled a terroristic organisation that made money with drug dealing.  
she complained that the makeup to make her appear older was too difficult to apply and said that we had in stock 150 kilo of marijuana...

I just hope none decide to enjoy himself...alone like has already happened

* * *

 _Flashback_

"I'M A FUCKING DRAGON !"

"someone stop Hiccup before he gets on the Night Fury"

"Roger"

"Let me go!"

"all is well that ends well, right Kyotaka"

"yeah...uh where is Levi? Ni-san"

"KENNY!"

"Oh shit! he has his equipment, Why can't he just start eating like a normal stoner "

"One problem at the time  
how do we take him down?  
any ideas ototou-kun?"

"ehm...  
Eventually he will run out of gas...  
and fall  
...besides  
who is Kenny?"

"Long story"

* * *

Dammit Levi and Hiccup...they didn't invite me

Sora and Shiro (that had started to play chess on their mobiles) ran down the list of countries already under Oroboro's direct control  
and begged to be again the chiefs of the "Recreational department".

answer NO.

"why I always want to do things in great, couldn't I just found a club where people do nothing all day like in any respectable eroge"  
I thought watching all the paperwork I had to do for each country.

* * *

Then at the end of the meeting last but not least Winry, still red, gave all of us the last product of the research and development department.

"Here there are 2 for everyone"  
She said passing to each of us two small silver bracelets with a small blue stone embedded in it.

"These babies are the new level of one-use amulets."  
She said raising one bracelet

"They are made of a special alloy that allows the circulation of mana  
"If you look inside you can see a small hole"  
the girl explained, it seemed she was in a commercial

I looked inside my bracelets to check and saw the hole Winry was talking about, but it was too small a millimetre at best.

"There you must insert this"  
She continued pulling out a needle from her pocket that I recognized as the Oroboro's micro hardware from the standard equipment.  
(try to beat that Conan Edogawa)

She inserted the needle in the bracelet making blue light come out from the small jewel embed in the amulet. She waited few seconds in order to look for a brief moment her public.

-Reinforcement magic-  
She said with solemn tone wearing the bracelet and clenching her fist, suddenly blue lines ran on her forearm.

"This the OROBORO MSA (multi spell amulet), a device that allows the user to activate spells using the mana contained in the gem of the bracelet. You see the memory needle I just inserted in the amulet was loaded with codes of various spells. The circuits of the bracelet send those codes in the mana gem, produced with the plants we genetically modified at the Tri-Corp, and then an hidden microphone hear the name of the spell I request and"  
she said with proud face

-Gandr-  
A black orb red glowing appeared on Winry's palm

-Activate it, repeating the name of the spell, is possible to increase its intensity, it's not possible to use two spells at the same time on one bracelet and each piece last for 10 spells before breaking, any questions?-

The young girl explained with professional voice. She had overseen, no, she had poured her soul in this project for the last three months, and probably she was more anxious than she appeared. I still remember, how excited she was, when I received her e-mail, when she started the project

An amulet that let all members of Oroboro use magic freely, a groundbreaking technology, that could make exponentially grow the organization's power.

For a few seconds no one spoke we were all trying to think all the weaknesses of this new equipment, or eventual imperfections. Then hands rose up.

"Megumi-chan"  
Winry pointed her index at the Japanese girl with a frail looking body and hair gathered a ponytail

"How much memory a spell code occupy?"

"Simple ones 100 GB while anything like the Gandr 500 or more"

"Then there is a flaw in the design"

Said N1, Kyotaka Ayanokoji my second in command.  
a boy younger than me of one year, with amber eyes and usually brown hair.  
(right now he is with red hair, and the one time I forced him to cosplay, he dressed like Zoro and had his hair dyed of green)

"each memory needle can hold one TB of data.  
That means it can only contain 10 simple spells at best, if in the middle of a fight we want to change spells, we lose about 15 seconds taking of the bracelet and exchanging the needle. But if you can put the hole of the needle in the side of the amulet, we can drop the exchange time to 5 seconds."  
He explained with bored voice.

"Right I will change the design when we start the mass production  
Said the girl cleaning a drop of sweat from her forehead

"On this topic how much does it cost every amulet?"  
Asked Kasumi with the air of a business man

"Around 3000 yen right now, but I valued that with the mass production the product will cost around the 10% of the initial price"  
responded confident the mechanic

"I'm sure that if me or Levi take the direct supervision of the mass production the price will drop to 5%"  
retorted the boy arrogantly

"It depends whenever you are able to design a machine sufficiently proficient for the mass production"  
Said Winry skeptical

"Hey Winrycchi what happen when you activate a spell when the bracelet is not on wrist"  
Asked the little sister of Kasumi, Single Moment, Ashua a girl of Komachi's age that with her bored behaviour and natural scarlet hair made me and Kasumi depressed each time she said a nasty comment about our being siscon

( totally falsehood).

"Em...I don't know"

We all gave blank states to the Mechanic girl

"Well, we can try out later..."  
the girl muttered to save herself.

"hey girl! how do you do if you want to transfer the Reinforcement magic from the arm to the leg"  
Asked Sora the tall 18 years old teenager that had eye bags that could rival mine.

"You're need to create the program to send the magic where you want beforehand"

"Can you also prepare a program that reinforce all the body uniformly"  
Said Shiro, a small girl with long hair.  
She was probably the most intelligent and youngest member of Oroboro. I mean she is like twelve now, I don't want to remember how young she was when she first joined, I had hard time deciding whenever allow her, **the little sister of Sora,** to join or not.  
It was only when I realized how powerful the team SoraShiro, how powerful "blank" was, that I decided to let her became part of Oroboro.

"YES! You can but the problem is that you need at least three consecutive spells to have an acceptable result"

After Shiro's question none had nothing else to say... Winry seemed reviled. So we did what we usually do when we were gathered together, started to project a new anime on a wall of the plane while Megumi took out some snacks she prepared for all of us.  
(what a sweet girl she is... until she doesn't have explosive in her hands)

"after all the meeting went pretty well...nobody tried to kill Sora... I guess it's a success"

* * *

"Ah I love Assassination classroom"  
Said Megumi

"I don't really get the purpose of the show"  
Said Kyotaka

"Why?"

"Because it's pointless they train to kill an octopus, none of them will have the guts to kill at the end"

"You haven't read the manga have you?"

"..."

 _*Tin tin tan_

"Is your charming pilot to talk, Hachiman we will reach the location of your mission in 15 minutes"

"Finally! Saudi Arabia! thanks powerful engines of this plane ! the flight lasted less than three hours.  
take that amazon same day delivery.  
Now I just have time to raid a building and return at home before dawn...  
Why do I feel… observed?"  
I thought slowly turning my head.

I saw all the eyes in the room on me.

"Is something wrong?"  
I asked puzzled, incapable to understand what was happening.

"I have a mission nothing strange..."

Then Kyotaka took a deep breath and said with emotionless tone  
"Are you going to do a mission now? "

I nodded

"You didn't tell anybody about it"

"I told it to Hiccup"

"Do you think to complete this mission by yourself? While we wait on the Night Fury"

"Eh...yes?"  
I said confused

"Where does he want to arrive?"  
I thought

"There he goes again"

"I can't believe it"

"He can't possibly be this dumb"  
Said exasperated all the people in the room.

"Uh"

"Uh?"  
I said speaking my mind

"Why all the people in this room are giving me a cold stare? Even Toothless Hiccup's wivern is looking at me disappointed."

I thought

"Ni-san "  
Said Kyotaka

"When will you begin to rely on us more, and I don't mean giving us tasks, why you never asks for help..."  
He continued with sad voice

"Com'on Hachiman you have done this game for years"

"You can't prepare a six Pokemons team and only fight with the starter"  
Said the gamers siblings shaking their heads

"Sometimes I don't get you, you hate to work but you always do the most dangerous missions on your own"

"Tell him oni "  
Continued the Chigusa Brother and sister

"Guys it's just a mission, what's the problem if I do it alone, you can finish Assassination Classroom episodes while I break some legs"  
I said pissed off by my family's behaviour

"I mean really...it's just a raid I can do it on my own and they know that."

"Ha...Ha...Hachiman what all of us want to say is that, why do you want to do a mission alone (again) while we are all here with our gears, we just want to help"  
Said Megumi with her usual agitated voice

"..."

"..."

"I see... the same as the club eh...no logic just a genuine desire they want to fulfill...God they have all grown so much...  
apparently you all start to need me less every day...your brother is proud"  
I thought

"Fine suit up"  
I gave up

"No we are not letting you... wait what?!"  
Said Levi confused

"I said Fine, you can come with me, a bunch of high ranked members of Oroboro? We will end this mission in less then 30 minutes"

"Since when is so easy to convince you?"  
Asked Shiro with her index on her lips

"It must be his new friends at school"  
Said Kyotaka with an amused smirk

"Ah those pretty girls he started to hang out with"  
Added Winry ready to tease me

"Wait a minute!  
First! I don't "hang out with people".  
Second how do you now about them, ototou-san knows about it because I have told him...how do you?"  
I asked in serious manner.

" if the situation continue in this direction all my wise and mysterious aura is going to disappear"  
I thought while a lump of panic rose in my throat

"Ashua, show him "

"Are you sure oni-chan?"  
Said the Chigusa siblings making appear on the table pictures of me and my clubmates, plus Isshiki, Kawa…something and Haruno

Suddenly a terrible revelation was in front of my eyes.

"You've been stalking me!"

"Now that's a bad way to put it"

"Megumi-chan is right we were observing your potential romantic partners"

"Shut up Sora or I will make Jibril and Steph of the informatics department know about your fetishes"

"YESsirIwillshutupsirdonotdisclosethosesecrets and... Levi takes count of the best girl points"

"Best girl what ? Levi explain..."  
I said with angry voice, the situation was completely out of my control.

"Well me, Kasumi, Kyotaka, Sora, Ed, and Hiccup put together a list of parameters to decide who's the best girl..."

"Okay now everything is getting too weird"  
I thought

"You now what! Fuck all this shit, we have a mission, we will talk about the invasion of my privacy later"

"You talk like you have never stalked us"

* * *

 _Flashback_

"Kyotaka's first day of highschool"

 _*click_

"okay now I have another photo to put next all Komachi's ones"

* * *

"Shut up ototou, or I will display your photo at Comiket"

"You wouldn't dare"

"Bite me"

* * *

10 minutes later, we were around the table once more, and Hiccup using the autopilot joined us.

I projected the hologram of the skyscraper I had worked on that evening.

"Now! ladies and gentlemen, let me show you the main building of the P.C.A. company specialized in the extraction of coal and petroleum."  
I said displaying various holograms

"Recently their coal caves began to dry  
So the company was failing and the Tri-Corp should have acquired it next week to have a new base in the mass production of amulets.  
But something happened, some workers discovered in one of the empty caves a secret grain filled of gems and other precious stones, an information still unannounced that I got from my contacts.  
Unfortunately, the P.C.A. was also noticed by Clock Tower that sent five Magi to take control over the CEO of the company's mind with, you won't believe it..., magic in order to ensure a new source of jewels for the Magi society"  
I continued making appear pictures of the CEO Ashraf Khalil and of the other five Magi

"Our objectives tonight are to get rid of the Magi that reside in the building break the mind control of the Ceo and do as much collateral damage as possible.  
this will speed up the union with the Tri-Corp.  
It's pretty late so there won't be many people left in he building, but in the past days many weapons have been bought by Clock Tower in order to fortify the building and a group of mercenaries had been hired to patrol the halls…  
they know we are coming, but they won't be able to stop us am I right?"  
I said sounding too optimistic

All the people in the room started to nod.

"I planned to do a stealth operation and silently take down everyone, pull them on the roof, Ignite the petroleum and other combustibles in the basement and call the fire fighters.  
But since we are all here and Clock Tower provoked us I think we should give them a bit of show"  
I said while a dark light sparkled in my dead eyes.

I snapped my fingers and made a holographic version of the plane and of its passengers was display near the skyscraper.

"we will divide in three groups: me, Kyotaka and Ashua will be the team Alpha, we will sky dive from 1000 meters and land 300 meters away from the building, there is nothing around here so don't have to worry about indiscrete eyes.  
Once we have landed, we will approach the building in stealth, when we reach the ingress door I will send a Signal to the team Bravo: Hiccup, Kasumi and Winry. Hiccup will catch the attention of the guards flying around the building while Kasumi will use the guns of the plane to destroy all the heavy weapons plus, the emergency helicopter on the roof, Winry you have to jam the communication devices and security cameras.  
When the team Alpha has clean the first fifteen floors out of the thirty-six of the building, I will send a Signal to the team Charlie Levi, Megumi. Megumi, You have to destroy all the glass of the building, I let you decide how give them a **boom** if you get what I mean. Levi when the windows are all shattered, you with your tridimensional device of movement will move around the building attacking all the enemies you find from the seventeenth floor and above.  
Sora Shiro dress up, you are going to deploy five pawns of the chess series and give us realtime report of what's happening.  
I said displaying my Angra Mainyu side

"Roger "  
Responded all of them

"The location of the CEO is his office on the thirty-fifth floor, I think we will find a Magus every seven floors, no kill, like always , we are going to make the five Magi prisoner and take them to the Elicarrier, someone warn Maihime. Oh I will do my thing to ensure the complete loyalty of the CEO."  
I concluded sending everyone to make their last preparation for the mission.

"If one of the Magi is an hot chick can I keep her?"  
Asked Sora with a jerkish smirk... just to have his little sister look at him and say with puffed cheeks  
"Ni you said that until you had Shiro. You will never need another woman"

Sora aware of his mistake started to beg for his little sister forgiveness while all the member of Oroboro gave an horrified look at the gamers siblings.

* * *

"Okay ready for the raid"  
I muttered checking my equipment and taking with me a few magazines for my guns.

I was standing in front of the hatchback of the NightFury Kyotaka was beside me and without a word he pulled out a cigarette from one of his pockets.

"Right the last vice"  
I lighted it up and we started to smoke it letting the taste of tobacco fill our mouth the smoke enter in our lungs and the memories awake.

Smoking one cigarette before a mission was a tradition Kyotaka and I created on our first operation.

we were around ten, at that time Oroboro didn't exist yet and we were going to raid a lab where a Magus did experiment on children ...where we met Kazumi.

We thought that if we were going to risk our lives we should have tried something prohibited for kids so I pick poked a man and then we smoked one of his cigarettes.(needless to say that the first time we just coughed )

* * *

"Hey the goggles"  
Said Ashua reaching us with three pair of goggles in her hand.

"Thanks"

"Thank you"

We said while putting on the goggles ready for the sky dive.  
I plugged my earphones and looking at the two teenagers beside me, I said  
Are you ready both of you? Are all your weapons loaded? Have you made stock of magic jewels? Have you gone to the bathroom? Did you cle-

"Just stop already daddy we are fine"  
Said Ashua flustered.

"Good, now brats, Are you all ready!"  
I screamed in my microphone

"Yeah"  
I heard.

On my goggles Sora and Shiro appeared, they were wearing a tight suit made of cybernetic material and were surrounded by a spherical hologram where many keyboard floated. With precision and speed the gamers siblings typed a sequence of codes and deployed out of the plane five drones.  
Other few movements of their hands and five videos appeared in the corner of the lens of the goggles.

"Real time reports activate"  
Said Shiro and Sora disappearing from the lens

"mission begin in 1 1"  
started with the count down a robotic voice in my earplugs

*Vroom

The hatchback opened the whole team Alpha jumped off the plane, falling in the night.

* * *

Skydiving... no matter how many times I did it, it was always an intense sensation.  
there aren't many people that can fully get the sensation of jumping out of a plane with, the cold wind slashing on my face and the doubt of having forgotten something

...THE NEW VOLUME OF ONE PIECE DAMMIT!

Descending like an hawk aiming at its prey or like a teenager that even trying to be cool is praying to avoid death I looked fearlessly the ground.  
the ACP's skyscraper was the only building I could see in the night.  
My two colleagues were skydiving beside me, they both had my same mission suit but, Kyotaka had a long sheathed sword on his back and Ashua had four guns on her belt.

We approached the ground quickly

"less than 10 meters from the soil"  
I thought when Ashua used her "Kinetic stealing" gun.

Three blueish bullets that hit me, Kyotaka and the girl herself, making all the speed we had disappear leaving us harmless and immobile.

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun ep 8**

"brain-kun, brain-kun, how could you tell that Hikigaya was at less than ten metres from the ground when you were falling at nearly 10 metres per second?"

"with the hypothesis that my owner had only 0,89 seconds of life left...Plot armor"

* * *

For a moment, we were floating In mid air, then we restarted to fall.  
We landed on the ground bent our knees letting the energy release on the ground (I had trained all the team Alpha so a ten meters fall was a joke) propelling ourselves forward in a neck breaking rush.

We were running on a dry land while sand, dust and little shrubs, were rhythmically crush under our boots, until we found a dune of sand and took cover behind it.

"Blank give me a report, we are 150 metres from the target"  
I said sitting on the ground and activating my microphone.

"Blank to Angra Mainyu the west side is currently unguarded, the technology of the suits hide you.  
proceed carefully, you have yet to be detected by any weapons of the building, but in 50 metres not even the concealing technology of the mission suits will be able to erase your presence from their scanners"  
Said Shiro speaking from the plane.

"Okay my team charge and team Beta act as decoy"  
I thought hearing the report and gestured my partners to prepare.

Ashua took out from her "kinetic stealing" gun an azure jewel filled with, all the kinetic energy we had after sky diving, that she placed in her second gun "Kinetic payback". Those guns were her main weapons, a brilliant mix of magic and science that enabled Ashua to steal momentum from every possible thing and then shot it back when she desired. When she first designed her guns Ashua had some problems to shot herself in order to stop mid air or do other cool stuff...I made her play Persona 3.

Meanwhile Kyotaka drawn his sword that more than a sword it was a single long blade with the end wrapped in bandages (basically, it was Sekki from Noragami), it was his personal mystic code, capable of amplifying his magic "Control". Kyotaka like me, he had a double origin, but while mine was "PAIN", his was "WILL" (no he isn't a green lantern), with his magic he is capable to impose his will on people and objects, till a certain extent, making them become his tools.

When he starts to use his magecraft the bandages around the blade wrap around his arms, allowing him to impose his **will** on anything that came in contact with his blade or the bandages.

With his Aria" **my will is now your will"** Kyotaka poured his mana in the the blade making it glow of a faint blue, while many bandages wrapped around his right hand.

Following their example, I drawn my knife and said

 **-Memento dolor-**

Making memories of hundreds battles and fights run through my mind... some were battles I fought myself other that I had seen them with someone else's eyes.  
I felt thousands of slashes and cuts on my body in every possible place.  
A faint smell of blood reached my nose

 **-Dolor meus et fortitudinem-**

A second Aria left my lips, and all my wounds turned in black smoke swirling around me that converged in my dagger.

* * *

This spell like " **dolorem accipit potestatem"** exchanged my wounds with my black mist, but instead of letting black some fly in the air until I gave it a command, " **Dolor meus et fortitudinem"** channeled all my pain in a object.

* * *

Responding to my magic my black dagger turned of an even darker color: its straight blade, its serrated sides and its handle, covered in my black mist, started to deform.  
The shape of the dagger in my hand molded in base of the pain I poured into it; screams and blood were now, what resided in my weapon… letting, my dagger become something else.  
Once the transformation ended my weapon wasn't a nameless dagger anymore.  
It was a dark blade, born from nightmares battlefields and traumas, it was… it was…kinda, the daedric dagger of skyrim just completely black and surrounded by a thin black mist.

"N1 give us a cover"  
I said to my subordinate.

Kyotaka nodded and thrust his blade in the ground; his will ran into the soil that reacting in accord made a gigant cloud of sand and dust raise from the ground.

I didn't even give the order, in the same moment my team was sure the cloud completely hid us we started to run at maximum speed toward the sky scraper.  
In the middle of that cloud of dirt I couldn't see pretty much anything, the stars in the sky were a mere memory, anything past my nose was a pure misery and even with all his lights I could barely notice the great building in front of us.  
I it was a pain move so blindly, but now we were sure none would have seen us.

* * *

(meanwhile two guards)

"hey dude a single cloud of sand"  
"cool let me do a story on instagram"  
"shouldn't we shot it or something"  
"naa it's too far, besides is just sand "

* * *

Ten seconds, the time we needed to cover those one hundred metres that divided us from the wall surrounding the building

- **my will is now your will-  
** I heard Kyotaka whisper.

He was a few steps in front of me while the bandages of his sword had covered all his right arm. I knew what he wanted to do.  
Whenever Kyotaka had to quickly move past obstacles, he used his magic to program an object he had on himself and made it do all kids of complex movement while he remained attached... like he was doing now.

Kyoraka's blade started shining of a pale blue light and then he slashed towards the sky propelling himself above the wall high five metres.

If I had to describe N1 actions with one word would be "flashy", but I was well aware that or he did a glowing swing in the sky or ordered the wall to crumble.

"that would be pretty awesome though"

Meanwhile Ashua to jump the wall simply shot a bullet on the ground near her feet with her "kinetic payback" gun letting the power of a teenager falling from an airplane push her above the high wall of bricks.

Looking at them I couldn't stop from praising their skill simple and effective, each movement was precise and calculated, sign of the countless times they had done jump of that kind with the same technique.  
On the other hand I found myself in a strange situation because before the beginning of the mission Winry sneaked behind my back and intimated me, with her creepy smile, to do a….how should I put it… a "test drive" of the OROBORO MSA.

So when I reached the wall I said  
"Reinforcement magic"

Releasing a stream of mana from the two bracelets around my wrists.  
Blue lines spreaded across my arms strengthening my muscles, then facing the wall I did a cart-wheel and pushed my self above it only with the power of my arms (and some magical artifacts).  
I landed on the tips of my feet in the sand after tracing a parabola in the air.

"spell number one gone, the mystic code is working just fine"  
I men tally noted down

My team was besides me: Kyotaka was doing his best to keep us covered in a thick veil of swirling sand and dust, but let him use too much mana outside the building was an orrible choice so, looking at the skyscraper fifty metres away from us I activated my microphone, started to walk and prepared for the assault.

*step*step

"3"  
I began moving my feet while my teammates started to follow me with careful steps

*step*step*step

"2"  
I continued, starting to speed up, letting Ashua and Kyotaka follow my example

*step*step*step*step*step*step

"1"  
I said ending the count down and running a on the sand quick like a snake.

Kyotaka had now stopped to maintain our team's cover, so the dusty cloud started to clear

*step*step*stepì*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step

"TEAM BRAVO NOW"  
I screamed jumping out of what remained of my cover.

Suddenly a sharp sound descended from the sky (Toothless sound from how to train your dragon)

Followed by a gigantic

 _ ***BBBBBOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM***_

A tongue of fire rose from the rooftop of the skyscraper: the emergency helicopter had been destroyed, reacting to the incoming treat all the defence weapon activated and in second the light of the stars was replaced, by explosions, bullets and missiles.

I gestured my team to split up, and silently dashed toward the west entrance, where two poor guards, armed with AK-47 were too busy at looking the sky to notice me approaching. Two quick slashes of my dagger and they were down, unconscious covered covered in tens of cuts on all their joints.

My dagger brimful of my magic, had injected massive amount of physical pain magic in their body, opening multiple wounds where I wanted. The sudden suffering had overcharged the guards nerves making them faint.

I briefly checked them judging from their faces and builds and European traits I could say they were definitely the mercenaries hired from Clock Tower

"Aha if this is the average level, this mission will be a joke"  
I thought triggering an insane amount of death flags

I looked at their equipment and decided it was wiser to throw away their rifle, gun magazines and walkie-talkie.  
I leaned against the wall of the building right next to the door and touched my goggles in order to watch the video from Blank's pawns cameras.

Pawn 1 showed Ashua knocking out the guards in front of the main entrance in the south side of the building. Pawn 2 showed the same thing but with Kyotaka as protagonist in the north side of the building. Pawn 3 displayed a thermal scan of the ground floor where eight men were in a circle... they were probably trying to use their radios to get a report, unfortunately for them Winry was Jamming the signal. Pawn 4 was showing an antiaircraft cannon * _ **boom**_ *…. Showed an antiaircraft cannon that Kasumi had just blown up. Meanwhile Pawn 5 was displaying…me

"Where is it? Where is it?  
Oh there it is"  
I said looking at a white flying chess piece with two tiny wings, a blue flame that was coming out from its bottom and a spherical shaped camera in its head.  
I waved my hand to the little robot then I put in its shead my dagger (I always carry to sheads because my dagger change shape)

"time to abuse my power"  
I thought activating my microphone

"Single Moment eight men in the ground floor they are yours"

"Fine…boss"

* * *

"What a pain, why oni number 2 make me do this things? Couldn't he send Kyotaka?"  
A red haired girl thought while kicking open the door of the skyscraper revealing what seemed the reception of a hotel.  
White tiles covered all the floor, green armchairs and sofas were casually display across the room, while a big semicircular table was against the north wall.

The sound of the entrance door being brutally opened made turn eight men that in hurry raised their rifles to a teenager with a yellow and black gun in each hand.

"Do you want to surrender?"  
Asked the girl in perfect English still pointing her guns to the bunch of mercenaries.

"Fire"  
Said a black bearded man in his mid-thirties

"I guess is a no"  
Thought the girl pressing the trigger of the gun in her left hand.

The gun released a sequence of magic waves that stopped all the bullets in midair, bronze ammunitions filled the space between the girl and the armed men in a few seconds.  
Unable to understand what they were seeing the squad of mercenaries stopped to shoot.

"What the fuc-"  
muttered the same black bearded man before a sudden voice of an old man came out from the speakers of the room

"BUT THERE IS ONE THEY FEAR"

"Oh god I can't believe he is doing it"  
Thought the girl releasing the trigger of her left gun, making a rain of bullets tinkle on the floor.

"IN THEIR LANGUAGE ID DOVAKIIN, DRAGONBORN"  
The girl stepped forward, rose her right gun to the group of confused sweaty men, and kept pressed the trigger of her other gun

"FUS RO DA!"  
Powerful waves of magic came out of her gun once more, but this time instead of stealing movements, it gave them back.

The power of an hurricane hit the men and the furniture, making them fly like death leaves in autumn, everything in the room crashed against the Nord wall, all the armchairs and sofas were in pieces, all the men had lost consciousness and had at least two bones broken.

* * *

After all the fuss ended I slowly opened the door, I walked in a devastated room where Ashua was standing alone.  
I wanted to reach her quietly, but unfortunately I stepped on a piece of broken furniture

*crack

Ashua looked at me with cold eyes raised one of her gun, I didn't know which of the kinetic duo was, my heart started to beat faster as I saw the lisp of the girl move saying in bored tone  
"Really, Skyrim?"

"Hey matte matte matte, you got it wrong I didn't do it  
I responded trying to keep my cool

"Then N1"  
Continued the red haired girl aiming at the boy that had just entered in the building her gun

"Wait What!"  
Said the confused Kyotaka with his surprised voice  
( it's slightly different from his bored voice you notice it only if you pay close attention)

"I did it "  
Said in soft tone a feminine voice…Shiro

"I hacked the speackers….I thought it would be fun"

"Get back to work brat"  
I said in the microphone

"And send Kasumi and me the photage"  
I whispered in direct line with the twelve years old girl.

* * *

After Shiro's shenanigans team Alpha quickly checked all the unconscious men, none of them had treating injuries.  
Kyotaka Identified one Magus (apparently the only one that had peed himself) and ordered him, or at least his body, to walk where we landed with his magic.  
Thanks to the explosion outside apparently no one heard the "noise" Ashua made on the ground floor.

"From the pawns' cameras I see there are 2 men on the first, second and third floor, while on the fourth there are 8 mercenaries, apparently the fifth and sixth floor are empty"  
Said Ashua providing interesting information

"Interesting…for now Single Moment, take care of the first three floors I will go to the fourth floor, N1 you go straight ahead to the seventh floor take care of the second Magus use the elevator"

"You want me to order it to only work when I'm on? to avoid…inconveniences."

"Do as you want"

We divided Ashua took the west stairs  
I took the east stairs  
(their door was hidden by a sofa, Ashua made explode before)  
and Kyotaka took the elevator.

Running silently on the stairs I reached the fourth floor, I Stood in front an anti-fire door that divided the stairs from the floor, there were some noises, so I put my left ear on the door ans sharpened my senses trying to ignore all the explosions outside.

A group on men was discussing about something on the other side.

"I can't take it anymore, I want to get the fuck out of here"  
Said a man with his voice alternated by fear

"Don't be an idiot! Have you seen the jet outside, it has taken down more than half of our defences, going outside is a suicide"

"He is right our best shot is to group up and endure in this building until that black monster runs out of fuel"  
After listening to their conversation I realized how desperated they were and…well I had heard enough so I took two steps back and raised my hand.

 **-Memento dolor-**

I whispered my Aria, recalling from the depths of my mind, dark emotions: Fear, Despair and the feeling of being betrayed. My organs twisted, my mouth was fill with the taste of blood and tears that were not my own descended from my eyes.

 **-Dolorem accipit potestatem-**

A second spell came out of my lips and all my pain turned in a black mist surging from every part of my body. I focused all the smoke on my right hand shaping in a mass of darkness constantly changing. Judging from the amount of mana I used for my first spell I could say I materialized the pain of roughly fifty people… now I had nearly run out of my mana.

I raised my right hand and blew on it, making all the smoke go under the anti-fire door and fill the fourth floor.

"One two three "  
I counted in my mind.

Then the screams began

*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*

Fear, despair and betrayal were feelings that a mercenary must have felt countless times.  
that meant they had already the fuel I had just to give them the oxidizer and trigger the reaction.

Groans and cries filled my head, I drawn my guns and opened opened the door.  
My field of view filled immediately of a smoky hallway where three men were immobile in fetal position on the floor while another one was repeatedly headbutting a wall whispering apologies.

"Looks like my magic was effective"  
I thought walking towards the rhino wanna-be.

*tung

A hard blow with the handle of my gun and he was down. 1, 2, 3, 4 half of my targets was down.  
the other four were on the fourth floor but following the patrols ways I was sure I would have found them.

I had memorized the layout and the structure of all the floors of the building, so I needed just a minute of careful and silent steps to found another mercenary, but unfortunately for him, his mind was too weak to handle my magic properly.

He was seated cross-legged on the floor, two steams of tears flowed on his cheeks while his shaking left hand was holding a gun pointed on his own head.

"Oh shit this is bad, really really bad, extremely bad"  
I said aiming my right gun to his weapon.

*pum *pum

With surgical accuracy, I shot pair of 9 millimetres bullets from my gun: the first bullet freed the gun from the desperate man's grip, and the second pierced his hand making the idiot unable to attempt again something this stupid. The man barely understood what was happening when my boot hit his right temple letting his consciousness fade away.

"Minus one, three left"

* * *

"Straight to the Magus…..this is gonna be tough"

"…"

"…."

"Oh god how slow can an elevator be"  
Said a boy full of tattoos.  
his eyes were looking in pained manner a small screen that projected the number 4 while his ears had been martoried for the past five minutes by a horrible song.

*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA*  
screams echoed

"Mmmmmm, for some reason I think Ni-san is doing something"

* * *

-Gandr!-

Two black orbs flew from my indexes to the heads of two men, punching each other, taking them down.

"Minus two one left"  
I said staring at my amulets, even attack spells were working perfectly, the only problem was that the aim was a bit off

*step

"It seems we have a fighter here"  
I thought coldly listening the sound of an adult man limping around.

someone had sustained my psychological attack.

Unsheating my dagger with my left hand I bent my knees and back, opened my ears and held my breath; It was time to ambush  
the smoke of this floor blinded everyone even me so I had to rely on my hearing and with all the explosions outside plus the heat of this country I couldn't even use thermal sensor of my goggles.

*step*step

"five metres away, right at end of this hallway, he's walking beside the wall at my left, breath accelerated, he is scared, but he can withstand my magic.  
two hypothesis his companion have absorbed too much smoke or he has realized the pain he was feeling was not his own…  
probably the first.  
nine out of ten he is still enough self aware to shoot me"  
I analized the data I had in my hands.

I switched the portion of my dagger in a reversed grip and with my right hand I took out from my spare magazines a bullet without making a single sound.

"3, 2, 1,"  
I thought then I threw the bullet down the hallway

*tin*tin

My ammunition tinkled on the floor behind my target… he, in full response to that sound, squealed like a bear with a crosswise fish in mouth  
(it sounded kinda like this "nqewhfkjghatbybviu"... pretty clear) and facing the direction where the sound came, started to shoot around blindly.  
Flashes of light lighted the hallway, then I dashed towards my hopeless target and swinging my black blade I traced an arc full of darkness on the mercenary's back.

"Minus one zero left"  
All my targets of the fourth floor where down, now I could clean up all the smoke that was surrounding me.

- **Mentem a corpore-**

I said calling back all the black mist around.  
Dark memories flowed in my head while the fourth floor returned to its usual appearance; a giant white room filled with offices and lighted by cheap neons.

* * *

Once I reclaimed all my darkness (how cool it sounds, I'm a really cool guy), I used my microphone and asked  
"Single Moment I have finished here. What about you?"

"I have don-"

"Jesus Christ"  
I said turning towards the voice I heard behind me.

"Ashua had sneaked up on me God... I believe she gave me a heart attack….calm down I need to calm down, be the cool leader"  
I told myself

"Aahahah you should have seen your face "  
Said the red haired girl too amused for my tastes

"ah ah ah very funny brat, I could have shot you out of reflex"  
I said emphasizing the AHs

"But you didn't"  
She responded teasing me

"deep breaths, deep breaths Hachiman"  
I thought trying to find my inner peace

"Let's go to N1, brat"

* * *

*ting

"Floor seven"  
Said a mechanical voice

"Thank god is over "  
Said a boy coming out from an elevator with a sword in his right hand and a gun in the other.

"Have you heard, the elevator"  
An angry voice said.

The inconfondible sounds of heavy footsteps reached the ears of the young man  
"Well lets begin "

 **-My will is now your will-**

 ***AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**

* * *

After we met, Ashua and I reached the stairs and went for the seventh floor, we run through the fifth floor in silent, but then that brat started to told me things about her protégé, a Greece girl she met a year ago that I would meet in a month or two in order to complete her training.

"And so I told her "girl if you don't want the Oroboro's tattoo get out"

"Really just like that, aren't you too severe with your student, Single Moment?"

"Are you kidding me, too severe…it's rich coming from you Angra Mainyu"

"Okay maybe I was a little Spartan"

" A little? When you were teaching me Tiānguó zhī hé de quántóu you assaulted me in the middle of the night for a WHOLE MONTH"

" Oh dear we reached the seventh floor"

 _Safe_

 _"_ By the way one month and she is ready"

"Why! Why! Why I had to work so much, couldn't I really become a househusband"  
I thought while a small tear came out of my eyes.

With my heart filled of sadness, I opened the door of the seventh floor.

Cracked walls unconscious men and blood on the floor, these were the things that welcomed me and Ashua in this floor, Kyotaka really went all out

"Die!"  
Screamed a voice I couldn't recognize, followed by the sounds of small explosions that made hot wind flow through the seventh floor of the skyscraper.

"Do you think he is in trouble?"  
Asked me Ashua

 _*BOOOOOOOOM*_

"Naaaaaaa, he is a tough guy"

 _*BOOOOOOOOOPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM_ (if is not clear this boom is louder than before)

"But I guess we might check on him"  
I said slightly concerned by the explosions.

Ashua and I slowly followed the explosion and we reached the central hallway of the floor where Kyo, and a blonde Magus were fighting, or at least the Magus dude was fighting throwing explosive jewels all over the place, while N1 on the other hand was just dodging and making nasty comments on his choices in clothing.  
"Really ! The brown pants with that grey jacket H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E"

It was common technique when fighting a Magus, to provoke him or her with sharp comments in order to make them more reckless.  
(just kidding he is keeping in train for the next Oroboro's meeting)

"Just die already"  
Responded the "vaguely" angry Magus throwing a bunch of rubies filled with mana at Kyotaka.

Seven precious bombs flew in the air tracing light blue arcs, aiming at my companion. The only problem was that throwing so many mana bombs in an hallway, wasn't exactly a great idea.  
in this cases the energy of the explosion would cover a big radius, so in order to avoid the explosion, the Magus must distance himself from the target.  
Needless to say that while running away, shooting any other stone or magic would just increase the radius.

"Losing temper so easily after an insult… Pride was indeed the greatest weakness of all Magi."  
I thought while a running Magus's, with terrible taste in clothing, deadly jewels approached my lieutenant  
…apparentely It was a golden chance to counterattack for .

N1 seizing the opportunity, made the bandages of his sword extend in the air, like a spider's web; the silk looking pieces of cloth intercepted all the jewels mid-air and Will magic flowed inside all the rubies subjugating them to Kyotaka's desires.  
The furious Magus, that was trying to set the new world's record of 100 metres, turned his eyes towards my subordinate and closed his eyes expecting seven crimson explosions to fill the whole hallway… but with, his surprise, nothing happened.

"Uh?"  
Said the confused magician slowly opening his eyes

Looking at Kyotaka every kind of colour faded from his face, the seven rubies suspended in mid-air, while all the bands returned around the sword handle.  
With a mechanical motion, N1 pointed his sword to the terrified Magus.  
No pride or glory was inside his next words, just a sequence of motionless syllables.

- **As my will command** "return to your owner"-  
chanted N1

Hearing those words seven red comets flew at incredlible speed towards their immobile owner, landing three feet before their target, the seven rubies exploded in crimson light, sending the, by that time, defeated magus to crash against the windows at the end of the hallway.  
Fortunately, the window was bulletproof so it didn't break…we are pretty high here uh.

I must admit that seeing Kyotaka's face shift from "easy…I just won this fight, using 10% of my strength" to "he is flying pretty far", and ending in to "Do not fall out of that window!" was, pretty funny.

"Well I guess it's fine"  
Said Kyotaka checking the vitals of the unconscious Magus, and forcing him as well to reach the point were team Alpha landed.

"Puppeteer, to Single Moment and Angra Mainyu, I have done here, what about you"

"We are don-"  
said sneaking behind his back Ashua and I

"Jesus Christ"  
Said Kyo with widen eyes turning to us

"Now you have to admit it IS fun"  
exclaimed Ashua and damn she was right

* * *

The next floors were pretty much, empty, except for the fourteenth where, the third Magus had the entire floor patrolled with Golems…and I hate Golems. Atrocities made out of rock and metal, that can't feel pain, so against them 90% of my magic is useless… Another 9% use too much mana and magic so I can't cast it alone…and the reaming 1% takes always a lot of mana and do less damage than a pistol…basically whenever I saw a Golem…I let someone else work in my place

"KINETIC PAYBACK MAXIMUM OUTPUT"

"I switch to, mana of the support jewels, **As my will command** **CRUMBLE** "

Like in this case

"Gambatte, you can do it, team Alpha, team Alpha"  
I thought staring at my teammates while sporadically shooting a bullet or two from my guns when I saw an exposed golem's core.

"40% of the floor clear"

"N1 I have seen her, I've seen the Magus, she just turned the corner"  
pointed Ashua looking in a specific direction

Without thinking twice, they dashed after the magician leaving me surrounded by Golems…Fuck

"Damn brats"  
I cursed dodging a bird golem realizing that around me there were five humanoid Golems tall two metres and a dozen of bird ones

"Why I have to destroy them, I have subordinates in order to make them do these annoying things"  
I said dodging a clumsy punch from a Golem

"Let's end this"

* * *

Two foes coming- bird golem, size howl

Directions- head, right knee

Treat-minimum,

Counter-Plan ADD (anticipate dodge destroy)

Surrounded by a multitude of golems I decided it was time to take this mission seriously, I couldn't afford to make stupid mistakes, it didn't matter whenever I was alone or with a whole team, I always needed to be indestructible, Unbreakable.  
With this mindset, I dashed towards the two flying Golem, while in my eyes my usual bored attitude have been replaced by blood thirsty stare.

"1…2..now"

After founding the perfect moment, my feet and body acted on their own I jumped before the rock birds and twisted my self in mid-air passing through my foes.

 _*bang *bang_

Two shoot left my gun while I was flying between those bastards turning them in dust. The plan ADD was complete.

"Two less still too many Golems left"  
I said with confident voice, but thanks to my renowned luck

 _*crash*_

A wall went down and for an entire second I sincerely hoped that it was just a case.  
But karma was a bitch so other six humanoid golems joined the party

"…yippie…happiness…can I go home?"  
I whispered forgetting about how badass I must have looked two seconds before.

Aware that I had the worst matchup possible with those opponents, I changed decided to test the limits of Winiry's amulets

-Reinforcement magic-

-Reinforcement magic-

-Reinforcement magic-

-Reinforcement magic-

-Reinforcement magic-

-Reinforcement magic-

-Reinforcement magic-

-Reinforcement magic-  
I said making my amulets shine in azure light.

All the magic left in those bracelets flowed inside my arms enchanting them, until both the blue stones on the silver talismans turned into dust and the amulet itself cracked.

I rose my hands above my head and vigorously clapped my hands

 _ ***CCCCCCCLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPP***_

A sonic wave unleashed by my hands scarred the remains of the fourteenth floor and made all the golems crash on one another reducing them to rocks and dust.

Now I just needed a sassy sentence to look cool to eventual watchers

"Fortunately I didn't went with sarcastic claps…No it sounded better in my head"  
I said with sad tone returning to my usual bored self.

(It's fantastic that I was wearing the earplugs I avoided to destroy my timpani, if I have had to heal them, I would have wasted precious mana.  
How can you be so provident Hachiman )

* * *

After pulverizing my new friends, I followed the path N1 and SM

"…..Oh god I never realized Single Moment, become SM, why I never teased Ashua about that-

What was I narrating… I followed the path N1 and Ashua took to run after the Magus."

While walking in the hallways I became deeply absorbed in my thoughts letting existential question fill my brain, like: are we alone in the universe? Is there any Max left on the NightFury? Can I magically teleport back into my bed? Should I shoot down these goddamn Golems flying towards me?

Answers: probably not, probably yes, no, YES!

 _*bang*bang *bang_

"Three down thirteen incoming"

"Mmmmm tomorrow, what I have to do tomorrow *bang*, an essay for Hiratsuka sensei, or maybe not, after all she owes me,*bang* *bang*, should I call team Charlie now. Levi could clear the whole floor quickly enough with his Beyblade spinning, and Megumi…would probably turn everything in ashes*bang*"  
I casually thought emptying one magazine.

"Other four down nine left"

"well I want to go home already so…swich to, mana from the support jewels"

upon hearing my words my gauntlets started to warm up while blue lines of mana appeared on them, injecting new energy through my magic circuits.

- **Memento doloris-**

 **-Dolorem accipit potestatem-**

I said surrounding myself of black smoke.

For a brief moment I rapidly filled my self with random of injuries, and turned them in to smoke, multiple times…It hurted much more than my usual spells.  
The dark cloud, I was in, started to become thicker and blacker until, around me there was only a somber shell, my personal corner of hell.

I let more mana flow into my body… I wanted to take all my foes out with one shot

 **-Pura ei tormentum-**

One second, the blink of an eye and from the black mist I was surrounding my self with, nine dark spikes arose towards my foes, nine obsidian rays that pierced through all the flying golems.

*crash *crash *crash *crash *crash *crash*

"And with, this, I can conclude my Golems experiences for today"  
I said pleased of the mess I just made.  
I knew of the other two Magus left to fight so I quickly tapped on my gauntlets revealing a small monitor, probably smaller than a credit card, with a 90 % written on.

"That's why I hate direct attack spells they take an insane amount of mana and they hurt a damn lot to activate…Team Charlie is your turn"

* * *

"Now! Cry Tadokoro Full-house"

"Not so fast Ackerman poker of six"

"Shit"

"Ahaha I won now you have to give me your precious degreaser, ultra clean, multi surfaces premium edition"

"Team Charlie is your turn"

"Oh no, we-have-to-take-action-what-a-shame-we-will-resume-our-game-another-time"

"Levi stop!"

*bam*

"He shutted the door, I'm so… so *snif* so *waaaaaaaaaaaaaa* _saddddd_ why everyone bully me  
Soma-kun at Totsuki and everyone else here"

*snif *snif

"At least you're always here for me right C4"

* * *

I gave my signal to the third team a floor in before planned, but highly doubt it mattered.  
Stepping on rest of various golems I reached the window and saw Levi throwing him self of the Nightfury. Most of the defence systems of the skyscraper were destroyed already, yet one of the cannons still intact shot two anti aircraft rockets to my falling teammate.

"Noooo Leviiii"  
I should have thought

But I knew what Levi was capable of, so…my thoughts drifted into

"I wonder how he is gonna dodge those"

And

"Levi should have skydived after Megumi destroyed all the windows of the building not before…  
Well first things first…"  
I intensely watched my falling subordinate, activate his equipment:

A personalized Oroboro's uniform reinforced by a black exoskeleton, ideal for highspeed movements in mid-air. A pair of the sharpest twin swords on the planet with interchangeable blades (when you hit different targets at insane speed or you always have sharp blades that can cut through anything or bye bye arms). Two apposite scabbards, two grappling hooks that could be shot and withdrawn by, two small Helium compress cannons on the hips in order to move in all possible directions and the most important part: a gas propeller placed at the end of Levi's back able to push him at incredible speed.

Levi stared at the two rockets aimed at him, they were about ten and fifteen metres away from him and were approaching fast, I had only a second to watch what happened next… Levi unsheated his blades and activated the propeller, compressed gas burst out from it making the fittest man in the whole Oroboro spin like a tornado.  
Fast as a lighting he splinted in half the first rocket with a clean cut,from the top to the bottom, letting a Hollywoodian explosion light the night. After that without even the time to take a breath, Levi stopped to spin and shot a grappling hook towards the top of the skyscraper.  
The hook crashed in the building with a terrifying *crash, and my subordinate, skilled as always, released again a stream of gas making his fall stop and his rise began.

One second maybe two and everything was over, Levi who had stopped falling dashed towards the top of the building and cut down the second rocket with a vertical slash

*boom

"Another explosion worthy of Michael Bay.  
Mmm in this mission Levi really made a ballsy entrance" the only problem was that as I watched as his amazing display of skill…

"I belive I can fly I believe I can touch the sk-"  
I had to listen to Levi's singing…

"Hey, Strongest Soldier your microphone is on"  
I said trying to remain serious, nearly an impossible task.

"Reached the top of the building explosive girl is your time to shine"  
Was the response I heard from my earphones

"Matte, matte, matte did he just pretended nothing happened?"  
I muttered

"Roger I'm ready to deploy the Trinity Shatter, get away from the windows, the weather is going to become spicy, Blanck withdraw the pawns for a moment"  
Said Megumi,

"I hope I am not repetitive but, matte, matte, matte did really Levi pretended nothing happened?  
And everyone is going along with it?  
What's the Trinity Shatter?  
But most importantly what the hell it means the weather is gonna be spicy?"  
I mentally screamed

"Hey Megu-cchi, I mean Dynamite, what is this trinity thing?, by the way third Magus down"  
Asked Ashua with her microphone

"Oh nothing the Trinity is a demolition weapon I came out with after a friend made me taste a disgusting spicy icicle, open your eyes and look * bam *bam *bam *bam"  
Answered Megumi shooting four missiles with some kind of bazooka out of the Nightfury

Each rocket aimed to a different side of the skyscraper, north, east, south, west, and divided in three parts.  
Scared from what coud happen next I rushed away from the windows almost falling on the floor.

Then I heard the voice of Megumi  
"You see Single Moment-chan each Trinity Shatter rocket divide in three parts. First a projectile filled with an highly inflammable gas Fullmetal synthesized, hit the target and is ignited"

*wfuuum

Four walls of blue fire enveloped the building, and started to melt the glass of the windows

"Second, another projectile hit the target but this time is full of Mechanic girl's special cooler"

*cshhhhhhhh*

The flames disappeared and white clouds appeared around the skyscraper making the glass instantly cool down and crack,

"Then the third part of the rocket a special sonic device I designed myself emit, a shock wave "

*booom

The third part of the Trinity shatter activated breaking all the cracked glass making crystalline shards start to fall from the building like snow  
It was a breath taking show the pieces of glass falling on the ground reflected the lights of the moon and the starts and…Wait Levi was outside!

incredibly fast I used my microphone and said  
"Soldier are you still alive?"

"…"

"…"

"Kinda"

"Good… Get back to work!, Team Bravo if all the defence systems of the building are down, clean from floor nineteen to floor twenty-eight with Dynamite, Blank set the Pawns in attack mode and clean twenty- nine to thirty-four, team Alpha finish your job here and retrieve all the Magi left "

"I want a raise"  
Said Levi in monotone

"Roger, toothless get down!"  
Added Hiccup

"We couldn't nuke the whole place nooo we are the good guys...sucks to be good"  
Continued Kasumi

"Hey Ni-san if me and Single Moment end up here what are you going to do?"  
Asked Kyotaka

"Ototu-kun I….I'm gonna meet the Ceo of this corporation"  
I said smirking and turning off my microphone.

I reached, again, the windows, or at least what remained of them and looking outside I said.

"It's funny, no matter how much I try, in the end I always, want to move alone. Here at school nothing change…everyone say "I want to help you", but I doubt anyone realized, that I don't want help.  
I know… I can't do everything alone, but I also know that I alone am strong enough to endure the pain of countless people and realities.  
They know what I can do  
How I think  
How I can love every form of light while crawling in the darkness,  
And  
What's my dream.  
Still they exact to stay at my side and suffer meaninglessly with me.  
And… if there is one thing that I hate from the bottom of my heart is meaningless pain.

Oceans of tears and blood shed in vain…lives lost for no purpose at all…yet if it's me to suffer it's fine…I can literally turn the pain in to power…so no matter how much it hurts, no matter how much I hate it… my pain will always have sense…my pain won't ever be meaningless.

So why everyone I treasure want so…genuinely…meaninglessly… to suffer with me"

*boooooom

One of Megumi's bombs made me snap out from my reflexive pause.

"Right no time for monologues"  
I said slapping my cheeks

I was one step away from falling down from the sky scraper, I united my hands in front of my chest and started to draw magic from my gaunlets.  
To reach the top of the building as fast as possible I had to use one of my strongest spell

 **-venite ad me animabus pereunt-**

(Come to me lost souls)

I said with my voice filled of sadness and sorrow, letting all my pain flow in my words and creating a transparent marble of magic in my hands

 **tuum grauasti vitae**

(you oppressed by life)

Memories of me when, I wanted to abandon my life, memories of hundreds no thousands of people who had abandoned their life, ran in my heart and started to fill the marble of the darkest smoke possible.

 **quae de caelo cecidisse in terram**

 **(** you who fell from heaven to earth)

Thousands black bodies of every age and race started to fall from the sky around the building, they were the representation of all the pain I received from who died from suicide, and it only took me a step to join them. Inside my marble images of the last moment of life of those people.

 **Iam vos mos reperio a viribus volare**

(now will find the strength to fly)

I said the last line of this spell whispering. suddenly me, plus all the dark bodies, stopped to fall. We were immobile in mid-air. The marble big as a bowling ball in my hands was now pitch black with a small white sparkle in its centre.

 **mortale ascensionem**

(Ascension of mortals)

And that's it. The name of my spell two words that completed the chant of this story of despair and hope.  
Two words I screamed with all the breath I had left in my lungs.

Flashes of light enveloped the area, all the people of darkness became bodies of pure light, that emerging from the ground ascended towards the heaven. My marble shattered in thousands pieces making the gravity around me change suddenly.

My bound to the ground was replace with a new one with the skyscraper. I closed my eyes and waited until my feet were on a stable surface, then I opened my eyes… I was standing on a vertical surface while white souls flew around me.

"Yosh"

It was always psychologically and physically intense summon a spell that contradicted the laws of the World, but the results were unquestionable. Without wasting a second I started to run on the skyscraper, I had to walk only on the metal parts left from Megumi's Trinity Shatter, but it wasn't exactly a difficult task. In my spiderman like rush I was able to watch Levi storm around the building with his swords, the pawns of blank shooting drugs to scared mercenaries and the Nightfury destroying the last defence cannons.

It took me only a few seconds to reach the thity-fifth floor, from a broken window, or from one of the broken windows I entered in the office of the CEO.

*snap*

A quick sound came out from my fingers and in the blink of an eye all the white people outside disappeared

"oh you gotta be kidding 40% left, I can't use anymore spells until I do the "thing" to the boss of this company….speacking of which…why he is not in his office? "  
I thought looking at my gaunlets, and around the room I was in: A green office with two drinking tables made of glass, four armchairs across the room that put shame to the ones we had on the Nightfury and a enormous desk with a computer on and various papers.

Always animated by my vice to gather information I sneaked behind the desks and pried the various papers

"Human resources, human resources…..nothing useful, let's see his computer"  
I said disappointed by the lack of results

With a swift movement my hands shifted from the papers to the computer, that had, of course, a password…

"Okay think Hachiman think :  
Ashraf Khalil, CEO of P.C.A.  
high IQ, born fifteen October 1966  
, he is married has two daughter and…an older illegitimate son he secretly meet twice a month…Kassim"

With these information in my head I tried the password "Kassim1".  
Khail was smart so he wouldn't have chosen a password easy like the name of his son/daughters, but the fact he constantly tried to meet his son, show he also propends to act emotionally, and given that the identity of kassim is a well guarded secret, I can assume that "Kassim1" is probably THE password. Otherwise I could always ask Shiro to hack the computer.

"Kassim1…damn I hate Arabic alphabet"  
I taped struggling on those evil letters

"Password wrong"

"Dammit…-password-?"  
I tried once more

-Password correct-

"… **high IQ my ass!"  
** I screamed

"Hey have you heard"

"It came from the office"

"CRAP"

* * *

"Okay I have to admit that I lost my temper in the worst possible place and time but com'on password really ?"  
I thought

*step*step*step*step*

The footsteps of some of the last mercenaries left reached my ears, I knew what was going to happen: before entering in the office a burst of bullets will pass through the only thing that divided this office from the hallway…a thin drywall. (and really? you are the CEO of a company and you have dry walls for your office Khail you disappoint me).

So moving as fast as I could I drawed my guns, went in front of the drywall next to the door and I lied down on the floor.

"3 2 1"

*bang *bang *bang *bang bang *bang *bang *bang bang *bang *bang *bang bang *bang *bang *bang bang *bang *bang *bang bang *bang *bang *bang bang *bang *bang *bang bang *bang *bang *bang bang *bang *bang *bang bang *bang *bang *bang bang *bang *bang *bang bang *bang *bang *bang bang *bang *bang *bang bang *bang *bang *bang bang *bang *bang *bang

"Thank God none ever aim at the ankles"  
I thought looking the wall filled with holes above my head,  
The door of the office was open with a kick and three men armed with AK-49 entered, I couldn't waste a second.

Foes-3 armed men

Threat- medium, no…not allowed to use magic,  
Correct- elevate

Weapons- AK-49, pistol still impossible to recognize, military dagger

Strategy- sneak behind the last man that had entered,the biggest one, he is without helm, take down with the back of the left gun.  
Throw him to the first man that had entered, the smallest one, immobilized for at least ten seconds.  
Shot with the right gun the left ear of the second man who had entered, pain will distract him, left leg kicks away the assault rifle, headbutt, and hit with right knee in the stomach, lost of conscience. Conclude with kick to the temple of the first man.

Time 4.36 s

Resuts-three unconscious foes, with respectively, contusion to occipital lobe; right ear tored off, contusion on frontal lobe and light internal damage to internal organs; contusion to temporal lobe

Without waiting they noticed me I dashed towards the back of Man 3 and hit his nape with my left gun and all my brute strength, the weapon slammed against is skull making the tall man faint, Unfortunately…

 _*ugh  
_ He emitted a dull sound warning his companion of my presence

1

They started to point their rifles towards me, but it was too late, my right boot slammed in the unconscious man's back throwing him against Man 1 and from my right gun I shot a bullet that tored off Man 2 left ear in a splash of blood  
The first mercenary ended up crashed by his sleeping comrade, while the second one screamed losing precious seconds and tried with trembling hands to aim at me.

2

Of course, I didn't let Man 2 even properly rise his rifle I covered the two metres that divided us in the blink of an eye.  
Facing the man I kicked away the cane of the AK-49 with my left boot, while two shots left the weapon killing innocent air (what a monster!), then I slammed my forehead against Man 2's nose that erupted in a fountain of blood and eneded the whole scuffle embedding my right knee in his guts.

3

Man 2 fell on the floor groaning then I stepped at my last and staring the eyes of the still conscious man struggling on the floor, I kicked his temple.

4

After my stunt, fortunately, no more mercenaries came in my direction but the computer of the CEO now was trash

"It could have been worse"  
I thought aware that I could have been shoot down a few seconds ago.

switching on my Microphone I said  
"Hey blank here the office of the CEO is empty, have you any idea where I can find him"

"Oh well come back from the land of jerks"  
Responded Sora while in the background I could hear Shiro screaming " PENTA-KILLLLLLLLL"

"…. Where I can find him?"  
I asked again without paying attention to his insult

"aahhhh… try the north side of the thirty-fifth floor, a square of windows sustained the Trinity Shatter, probably they were reinforced from magic, and judging from the thermal there is a person right behind them"  
Said him with careful voice

"Thanks"

"Shiro look at me NO SCOPEEEEEEEEE"

* * *

Following Sora's information I sneaked around the thirty-fifth floor in my "Stealth Hikky", apparently there weren't anymore mercenaries, but a question popped out in my mind

"A certain number of windows remained intact after the Trinity Shatter, so as Sora said, someone must have reinforced them, but none in this building could know about the Trinity Shatter, so it was impossible to enchant them beforehand.  
there was a magus….there is a sixth magus that reinforced the glass during the explosions"  
I realized sharpening my senses and speeding up my pace.

Going through hallways and turning corners, I continued my thoughts remaining on alert for eventual noises or suspicious scents  
"it must be a pretty strong Magus, probably with a "high" treat level and with a great amount of resources….  
Oh god I know who it is, please not her, please not her"

Smell of roses.

She was behind me…fuck.  
Aware of the presence of my opponent, I turned as fast as I could and shoot all the bullets I had left in my magazines.  
Nine projectiles merciless flew in the air but a green light suddenly appeared; It was an magical shield summoned by a jewel an to be precise emerald.

Usually a shield of that type would have sustained thousands of normal bullets, but mine were made of a customized alchemic alloy, so nine of them were more than enough to break that rectangular shield big as a desk.

"Always so violent snake"  
Said an invisible conceited voice.

Not bothering to answer, I replaced my right gun with my dagger and slashed where the voice came from  
A distinct sound of tored cloth resounded in the air.

"Invisibility cloak are the best way to waste a small patrimony, you know"  
I said in English, to my opponent.

"Money have never been a problem for me OH OH OH OH OH"  
Responded a gorgeous blonde girl, about my age, taking off what remained of her invisibly cloak: a white, tored, cape.

" Luviagelita Edelfelt"  
I said trying to suppress the exasperation in my voice and the desire to headbutt a wall until my conscience faded away.

Now let me be clear usually be in front of a golden haired, well endowed girl,that wore a long sleeveless blue dress, would be a fest for my eyes.  
BUT each time I met Edelfelt-san, the situation tended to become extremely annoying.

"Here in person the beautiful head of the Edelfelt family, ready to (BLA BLA BLA)"

"How long can this girl take to introduce, herself ?"  
I thought changing the magazines of my guns, while the girl continued her speech.

"And so today I will defeat you *bang* Kyaa"  
Concluded the bishoujo dodging a bullet aimed to her left foot

"Tsk missed"

"You brute!"  
Screamed the girl dashing towards me with her gloved fists.

Luvia Edelfet:  
a master of reinforcement magic, jewel magecraft and of the Lancashire-style (an English martial art similar to pro wrestling)

"I have to say it she is an opponent I don't like to go against on regular basis...talented, aware of being at disadvantage and weaker than her opponent, but smart enough to have many ace up to her sleeves to win  
...she basically is like me"  
I thought while Edelfet reinforcing herself to breaking point reached me with the speed of a lightning, performing a roundhouse kick towards my left temple.

Treat-High

"If I let her hit me I would probably be knocked down."

Unfortunately I have fought against individuals stronger than me my whole life, and created a precise martial art for this purpose

Counter-move 3 of Tiānguó zhī hé de quántóu

Time 1.00 s

Following with my eyes Edelfet's foot, I let fall from my hand, my left gun and rose my forearm.  
I knew the trajectory of the kick so I anticipated my opponent.

Usually when a person raise his forearm to protect himself from a kick intercept the blow, in order to defend the head, but this particular strategy doesn't work against opponent with superhuman strength.  
So I move my forearm in front of Edelfelt's leg while it was still bent a little, then I hardened my arm.

The kick connected with my arm, but instead of hit me, the foot of the girl just pushed me powerfully.  
The tremendous power of the Magus's kick went through me like an electric shock.  
Channeling all the strength of that blow, I rotated on my left foot and performed a roundhouse kick myself.

*ugh

A pained groin left Edelfet's mouth when my foot stuck on her cheek with my, and her own, strength.  
The surprised girl soddenly lost her footing giving me the chance to grab her kicking leg with my left hand, throw her away while turning myself and regaining footing for my right leg.

1

The blonde Magus flew in the air across the hallway.

"Geez she is faster than I remember, better end this up quickly"  
I muttered aiming my gun to her I shot three bullets

I hoped my move would deny the fight but the girl still filled with fighting spirit erected another emerald shield with a jewel she had hidden somewhere on herself.

The bullets crashed on the green barrier. Twisting herself in midair Edelfet faced me and used her hands to stop her…flight, gloved fingers carved through the floor leaving ten small lines.

The gorgeous magus with "drills"

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun ep 9**

…Now pause! What the fuck is wrong with her hair! ... she probably made the hole in the ozone by herself with the amount of hair spray she must have used to make those hair locks remain always in shape…. environmental Protection!.

* * *

The gorgeous Magus with some kind of environmental disaster golden cones made out of hair locks, swirling in the air, after slowing down, did a back flip, wonder how is it possible while wearing heels, and threw to me five small Lapislazulis.

I assumed a defensive stance admiring the girl progresses  
"Also improved judgment, I see"

Then I couldn't see anything else.  
Five extremely powerful flashes exploded from the gems big as a pistachio, blinding me

-Gandr-

"SHIT I let those things blind me, a rookie mistake"  
I thought incapable to see the spell casted towards me

In order to avoid my doom I forced myself to remain calm down.  
I heard four clean shots so I came up with a last minute strategy.

I was unable to fully predict the direction of the runic spheres so, I raised my arms and crossed them in front of my head while I was performing a triple axel that every character of "Yuri on ice" would have envied.

I had fought Luviangelina Edelfetl multiple times and I had a vague idea of the points she aimed at, Fortunately Gandrs were much slower than bullets and while they reduced life energy they didn't leave any dangerous wounds, so I could take one or two shots and continue to fight .

Spinning in the air, I had my ears parallel to the floor I felt a sphere fly slightly above my head, where my head had been. Two under my torso, probably aimed towards my stomach, the last one was aim towards my gun…...or towards where my gun was, that for coincidence was the same space my legs were occupying now….

The Gandr stuck my right leg and made begin an horrible sequence of actions:  
first my legs were propelled behind,  
second I lost whichever form of balance,  
third I lost my right gun and fourth I shamefully fell on the floor smashing my noise….

"ouch I think It broke."

My legs felt numb my face hurted and a small line of blood started to come out of my nose….now I really wanted to return home and go to sleep…

"Well I have been much worse"  
I said in monotone in my mind.

*tiiin

The sound of another Gandr coming at me resounded in the air

"Dammit"  
I said pushing the floor with my hands and starting to roll aside.  
One sphere after another hit the points where I had been, until pointing my feet on the ground I dashed forwards to counter attack.

"I guess I have to use a bit of magecraft to defeat her, it was all fault of my incomplete information"  
I thought running towards my enemy

"...Damn… I let her sneak behind my back and blind me, Hachiman! What the hell! Were you thinking! And don't even try to say her shaking chest…is good point though.  
With my sight still foggy, I managed to barely dodge another Gandr moving my neck at the last second

"Well fuck it!"

 **-Scio ubi dolor-**

(I know where the pain is)

I said calling forth to the magic I wanted to spare.

I used my premonition spell.  
Something simple really, it gave me a taste of the pain I would have suffered in a few moments in the future.  
a spell pretty occasional and full of drawbacks  
first the pain I feel actually is not just a taste, is the double in comparison to the real thing…  
I feel pain in a point where I'm going suffer, but I have to understand where the attack will come from on my own…  
Blows that kill instantly are impossible to predict…  
I have to ignore all the pain….  
And things get confusing when I use offensive Magecraft cuz I have to turn my injuries in smoke or summon past wounds and turn them in to smoke...

To be honest is really a shitty spell that took me forever to master and is useful in very few situations like this one or dungeons filled with traps….and before any hypothetical reader asks: yes I have been in dungeons filled with traps (more times than I'd liked) and no it wasn't funny.

Able to predict any possible treat I covered the distance that divided me and Edelfet faster than she could ever imagine, dodging each Gandr with barely no movements.  
When I was in front of her I dodged one last Gandr shooted at point-blank from her pistol shaped right hand, then I grabbed her right wrist with my left hand.  
I twisted it and squeezed it with enough strength to fracture some wrist bones.  
Edelfet bit her lips in order to stop a scream coming out from her lips and reinforcing her left elbow she tried to hit my right shoulder  
…key word tried.  
I grabbed her elbow with my right hand and bent my knees under the power of that jackhammer, again I made all her strength run through me and channelled it how I wanted.  
Still grabbing her wrist and elbow I used Edelfelt's power to slip between her legs dragging her down.

"Pure white Uh"  
I thought while my eyes passed under the magus skirt and she crashed on the floor after I let go her arms.

The fight was over.

I was standing and she was with her face on the ground, usually in animes the cool protagonist would say something cool like "now it's over" if the enemy is a man. Yet if his opponent was a girl he would say "Are you okay" or whatever along those lines to show his reluctance to hit the girl again, making her fall in love for…reasons.  
But with the capital B I believed in gender equality so I crashed both Edelfet's ankles with my boots making her scream and pointed my dagger to her throat.

"You've gotten better Edelfet, but I'd like you to stop to find every possible occasions to be a pain in my ass"  
I said without any kind of emotion

"Oh a compliment from the snake I guess it should be an honor"  
responded her trying to hide her pain and fear behind a façade of pride

"Yeah yeah be proud of your skill and blab bla bla, hey why are you so obsessed with us again?"  
I continued with annoyed voice

"Because you tainted my pride and the honor of my family"

"Oh right…that was before or after you remained stuck in that farm's wall for an entire night, with your clothes tored?"

"…."

"…."

"Well whatever, you know the procedure we make your family pay for your release, eight thousands pound was it?"

"Nine"

"Thank you, and you will back home in less than seven hours no one will know about your defeat and etcetera, Blank will take care of you this time"

"Wait what? No! Blank no he is a perver*uhg"  
She said until I shut her down with my Loner skill N 7 imotou chop version for annoying rich girls.

Edelfet was now unconscious so I left her immobile on the floor and went to take back my guns, it was quite easy to find them. After that I checked my gauntlets and a discouraging 27 % was on them.

"Shit this is going to be tough"

* * *

After finally taking down Edelfelt, I reached my original objective, the room where the CEO of the P.C.A was kept in. I opened the door with a strong kick, and I had to drag the unconscious businessman outside, because all the room was filled with a particular hypnotic gas to keep him quiet.

Staring for the last time to my gauntlets, I decided it was time to take action and opened the eyes of the man with my hands.  
His unnaturally big pupils looked in the depths of my eyes I took a deep breath, and used my only true spell

 **-the eyes are the mirrors of the soul-**

I started to pronounce a few words that were nothing more than a help to focus.  
when I say this is my only true spell I do not lie: all my spells are usually in Latin, but is nothing more than convention I use to manipulate pain magic as I want, without need to focus too much. It's like the experiment of Pavlov, the man that every time he fed his dog made a bell ring and after some time whenever the dog heard the sound of that bell it started to salivate like it was about to eat his meal.  
I, like that dog have done so many times some action with a sound in background, to be stimulated whenever I hear that sound.  
In fact I never needed an Aria to perform pain magecraft, but I had to have mnemonic references to use immediately a particular variation it,  
(and if I choose Latin as a language to perform my magic…was because I…I liked and like Harry Potter' books.)  
Yet the Aria I was about to pronounce wasn't something I came out with.  
Three words that my own brain screamed to my soul, the source of all my power

 **-Tamashī no kagami-**

(mirror of souls)

My eyes flared of white light suddenly making the word around me and the man disappeared.

* * *

"Okay Dragon Trainer, all the skyscraper is clean, and the team Alpha is finishing to gather all the Magus"

"Good work with the various cannons and missiles if you hadn't shot all of them, I don't want to think what would have happen to the Nightfury family model"

"Ahah you're right…I go to check on the others"  
Said a boy with one of his arms covered in bandages turning off his microphone.

He pushed a button on a small keyboard on his right side and the armchair he was sit on rose from the floor taking him to the conference room

"Good work with the system jamming"  
He said to a sweaty girl

" Barstards with anti-jamming radios, made my work harder. Oh Kasumi! Good work you too, even with one arm and half you are still great at handling weapons"

"I know right… do you know where Hachiman is? His microphone is still off "

"I don't now try with Sora he is the last person who talked to him"  
Following the girl's advice, the Japanese teenager walked towards a small room right beside the conference room. He opened a sliding door revealing a set of lockers and two siblings with their technological tight suits half taken off

"Hey occupied"  
Said a skinny, but defined, tall boy, named Sora for his friends….unfortunately he doesn't have friends…

"Hey Blank, where is Hachiman?"  
Asked Kasumi ignoring the protest of the companion

"You have no chills have you?"

"…."

"He should be on the thirty-fifth floor"

"Thanks"  
Concluded the conversation Kasumi closing the sliding door.

One minute later the injured sniper threw himself out of the plane and landed with a somersault on the roof of the skyscraper his organization had just raided, the boy walked reached the stairs and descended to the 35th floor of the building, where his leader was supposed to be.

When he reached his desired floor, he knew something was off, the air in his lungs felt heavier and the entire floor seemed to be infest by some sort of demon.

"Oh no"  
The young man muttered.

He had a bad presentiment, so to confirm his doubts he closed his eyes and activated his superhuman hearing, a mad Magus gave him through crazy experiments.  
He scanned the floor via sound and what he heard wasn't a good sign…soft screams of thousands of people, probably imperceptible for any ordinary human.

"Shit he did it with less than 30% left!"  
Said terrified the boy running towards the source of the screams

He rushed in the hallways turned two corners and found himself in front of the face of his fears.  
A sliver skeleton wearing Oroboro's mission suit and emitting dark mist that constantly changed his shape, assuming form of suffering and screaming faces.

"H..Hachiman…"  
Whispered Kasumi, without emotion

The skeleton turned towards the Japanese boy.  
Bony orbs, filled with with imagines of tragedies of the story starred the dull eyes of the sniper.

"Kasumi"  
Said the skeleton with spectral voice.

Then a white light came out from the skeletons skull, making reappear his eyes and after that his skin and everything else.  
"Why are you here?"  
Asked Hikigaya Hachiman shining like a white star and surrounded by a terrifying black mist, with his usual voice.

"You fucking idiot you used it with less than 30% mana left"  
Responded Kasumi ignoring the question and smashing his bandaged fist against his boss face that suddenly stopped to flare black and white energy.

"Ouch"

"Ouch"  
They said in the same time, one shaking his arm and the other caressing his cheek.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because you scared the shit out of me"

" You were worried about me ?"

"No I just saw a fucking skeleton call my name"

"… It's sarcasm?"

"OF COURSE IT'S SARCASM, I thought you were going to go on rampage again, remember last time!"

"Oh com'on it was during operation Damocles, everything went south during operation Damocles and today I just had some problems resealing the pain inside me "

"That's not the problem!"  
The two teenagers continued to argue for other ten minutes until Kasumi took a deep breath and said.

"…listen I can't take it anymore, I drop out, I'm done being an operative"

"What…"

"Hachiman I will be honest with you, all your sacrifices, all the pain you gather in yourself…stop it everyone in Oroboro, can't take it anymore none can look at you continue to selfdestroy"

"Is this supposed to be a joke? I have never heard a word…"

" **AND YOU KNOW WHY? IT'S BECAUSE ALL OF US, YOU INCLUDED, ARE GODDAMN HYPOCRITES!**

Every member of Oroboro hate see you suffering someone else pain, yet no-fucking-body have ever told anything about that. You know why they shut the fuck up? Because they know their own screams are inside that broken and deformed thing that is your soul! How can they ask you to stop, when they know that each of them is part of your suffering "

"…but this…how is it connected to your drop…out"

"Because I decided to be the biggest hypocrite of all and throw away all I owe you, to make you wake up…

I have walked with you from nearly the beginning, but not me nor anyone else has ever reached your side, we always just stared at your back. YOU DIDN'T EVEN TOLD US **WHY YOU WANTED TO CHANGE THIS GODDAMN WORLD.**

 **IS BECOMING SOME KIND OF MESSIAH THE ONLY WAY TO MAKE YOU THINK YOUR LIFE ISN'T MEANINGLESS!** "

"…"

"When a member of Oroboro end his training, he gains the right to receive our tattoo, and a code name. I chose Ultrasonic Shot, it brought together the two things that I hated of myself: my magical hearing and my being a sniper. Two things that you made me learn how to use to help who was in need and without killing anybody…Two things you made me love about myself.  
I owe you this much, you turned my darkness in someone else's light, thanks to you I was able to give meaning to my life."

"… "

"I drop out because I hope this will make you stop from becoming Angra Mainyu, All the world's evil. You know why all of us were excited when you started to talk about your club…because with baby steps you started to live…creating meaningless relationships outside of Ororboro that you treasured not less, was something amazing for us… We were, we are genuinely happy…probably because it was the first time in I don't know how long, that someone made you cry your own tears.

Hikigaya Hachiman please don't…ehm…It's a big world, try not to do your best to fight it alone. Please "

"..."

"I see, bye Hachi"

"…Kasumi…it isn't like that…I'm fine being meaningless…but…but I can't let all that suffering remain in vain; taking them in me, using the power they give me to create something good, to ensure nothing like that happens again is the best and only thing I can do to make all those pointless screams and tears worth something. "

"Oh that's so…because you can't stand meaningless pain… is that the reason why you're always ready to throw your life away so easily…don't make me laugh, I know you, you're not that idealistically selfless.

Maybe erase all the pointless pain is what is keeping you going, but I'm sure that the reason you started all this bullshit is more selfish… isn't it

Listen, I don't really care why you began all of this, but I want you to realize that you shoulder a cross that is too heavy for yourself alone…

Let us help you goddamn, we, the founders of Oroboro at least!

We choose to follow you because we wanted to reach your side and see the world you walked towards, so why don't you just stop a for one moment and let us be beside you"

"but how, HOW! I can ask help from any of you

(I just want you to be safe).

I saw you fall in pieces

(I looked in your eyes and saw myself),

I've seen you in your darkest moment and what you had was barely a drop of the ocean of darkness I live with, every day

(Please, I don't want to see you suffer again)

…how can I ask you to …dive in shadows so black

(Or you will end up like me) "

"Maybe you're right…

(I don't care)

Ask you to wait for us to reach your side is selfish and will only make us suffer pointlessly,

But maybe you are wrong

(You want to protect us, well we want to protect you)

And should have more faith in us, we are not helpless kids anymore, we are Oroboro, we are your family

(We are ready to suffer, we are ready to fight, we are not weak and you know that) "

" …"

"If you ever decided you need help, you know how contact me…Sayonara brother"

* * *

The Sword

Shiro (white) that's the first thing I could remember, a pure white void.  
Then there was fire, death and despair  
in another word hell...or at least that is I would remember that landscape

And at the end when I was ready to close my eyes to let that hell take me.  
Light, hope and a man that even in the depths of loss could find a drop of pure joy

A TRUE HERO OF JUSTICE

* * *

*brush *brush

"...e...np…"  
I heard a voice

Someone was softly shaking my shoulder

 **Brain Activated**

"s..npai…"

Who am I?  
Emiya Shiro

"senpai…"

Where am I ?  
Tool shed,

When am I ?  
Thursday 4 February

"Senpai, wake up "

What's happening?  
I fell asleep in the tool shed, and now my kohai Sakura Matou is trying to wake me up

"Okay I have a general grasp of the whole situation"  
I thought while a small sparkle of conscience appeared in my mind.

What should I do?  
Respond with plan six

"afdghdefw (still five minutes Sakura)"  
I spluttered"

Mission complete good work

 **Brain Deactivated**

"But Fujimura-sensei is alone with the fridge"

 **RILEVATED CODE RED**

 **EMERGENCY ACTIVATION OF BRAIN**

"SOMEONE STOP THAT SORRY EXCUSE FOR AN ADULT"  
I screamed waking up and dashing towards the kitchen leaving Sakura behind.

* * *

"And that's how my morning starts"  
I told myself running through the door of the tool-shed and silently praying for the well being of my groceries.

"please let my miso be, let my miso be"  
I, Shiro Emiya madly muttered running across the backyard of a typical Japanese maison that could welcome at least eight people, but where I lived in by myself.

The sound of my scared steps on the ground, the small clouds my breath made in the cool morning air were the only things that kept me company as I jumped on the lateral hallway of the house.

" _the kitchen the kitchen the kitchen the kitchen the kitchen the kitchen"  
_ I chanted sliding on the wooden floor of the house, turning two corners and opening the sliding door of the kitchen.

"STOP TIGER"  
I screamed entering in a six tatamis room with my eyes closed, scared...no terrified of what I might have found.

I focused on every noise of the room to be prepared to the inevitable but...

 _*Silence (or for those who like onomatopoeias " ")_

I couldn't hear a single sound.  
something was wrong!  
Usually Fuji-nee would have immediately responded "It's not like it seems" with her face covered in leftovers of her feast still chewing

(A/N ehm ehm Shiro just covered 50 metres in 5,51 seconds if he had been timed he would have set the new world's record)

"Maybe she heard me coming and ran away...it would be the first time she managed to escape"  
I thought, opening slowly my eyes.

* * *

 _flashback_

"you will never get me alive Shiro!"

"GIVE ME MY MISO SOUP BACK **TIGER!** "

*sound a scooter's engine switched on

"see you at school boya I WIN"

"TIGER STOP !"

"never!"

" **WATCH OUT THE GARBAGE TRUCK"**

"The what?" **  
**

 _ ***crash**_

* * *

"that day she nearly got me but I snatched the soup before the ambulance arrived"  
I remembered as I turned around and watched every corner of the kitchen.  
...it was, in some way, astonishing I really couldn't describe what I was looking at

…the kitcken was how I left it while Fuji-nee was nowhere to be seen.

The small Chabudai in the middle of the dining room was untouched, all my kitchen tools were in their place, no crumbs were on the floor and...there was no proof the Tiger had been here…

"it's impossible unless…"  
I gasped while all the pieces of this malevolent plan converged.

"Ahaha senpai you fell for it"  
Said a voice behind me

I slowly turned around and saw my cute kohai, Sakura softly laughing with a hand on her mouth.  
"It was a j-o-k-e "  
She cutely added a wink and put her index under her lips.

"unless it was a joke"  
I told myself listening to Sakura's words.

my heartbeat rate suddenly dropped when I realized there wasn't any emergency, but after I stared at Sakura's playful pose, her violet hairs eyes of the same color and generous chest, my heartbeat rate rose up once more

"Bad Shiro, banish impure thoughts, she is the little sister of your friend"  
I thought regaining my cool

"ah ah ah you got me Sakura but please,  
 **don't do it ever again  
** I might have lost ten years of life"  
I said to her bowing my head

"I don't know Senpai's face was pretty amusing…What do I gain"  
said Sakura uncaring of the **bold** tone I used when I said -don't do it ever again-

"Uh… How about I promise to cook your favourite dish"  
I offered trying a diplomatic approach

"Just one time…"  
She said puffing her cheeks

"I promise to cook your favorite dishes next Saturday and Monday"  
I responded automatically...

"For crying out loud I can't resist that face"  
I muttered

"Deal! Now senpai go to change, you're still with your work suit and you're all dusty"  
She she said clapping her hands

"I Guess you got a point, sleeping in the tool shed wasn't a great idea, I'm all dirty.  
I'm gonna take a shower, would you mind start with breakfast cooking?"  
I asked Sakura checking my clothes covered in a thick veil of dust and spider's webs

"Of course senpai take your time"  
sakura told me while I took my leave and went towards my bedroom.

* * *

"Sleeping again in the toolshed...I'm really hopeless"  
I thought dragging my feet on the floor

"fortunately Sakura still doesn't know I was training my magical powers... she believes I'm just fixing anything that comes under my hand  
Now that I think about it miss Tokoyama threw in the garbage her microwave yesterday.  
I bet I can make it work agaiiinnnn

maybe Sakura's right"  
I muttered passing in front of my late father Kiritsugu room.

unconsciously my breathing stopped.  
Since he died I have always felt uneasy in front of that room.

"Good morning dad one day less until I become an Hero"  
I muttered watching the room in which I never entered except for cleaning.

"I hope you have finally found peace…"  
 _*aaaaaafff_  
Deeply sighing I averted my eyes from that moment empty room, walking away from my regrets.

step after step I reached my room a few moments later.  
I moved a sliding door with ease and studied my room  
A futon, a desk, a wardrobe full of clothes, many shelves filled with pictures and different trophies from various archery competitions.

"what are my today's plan?  
school  
part-time  
dinner  
training

okay pretty ordinary schedule"  
I said as I took from my wardrobe the school uniform color caki, a pair of boxers and one of my many white shirt with blue sleeves.

Fully equipped I headed in the bathroom, closed the door behind my back and began to strip.

* * *

 _Meanwhile_ A sixteen years old girl with careful steps was wandering in Emya household aiming for the bathroom.  
With a malicious smile on her lips the girl was waiting for something,  
for someone…

She reached the corner before the bathroom and leaning against a wall, she putted an hairlock of her violet hair behind her ears and focused on all the noises around her.  
A quiet, monotonous sound reached her ears: it was the sound of steps. Steps that she could recognize from a mile.  
Steps of her target  
Steps of her beloved senpai,

"He is near"  
She thought like a predator

A few seconds later the girl's,  
Sakura Matou's intuition revealed to be faithful.

Shiro Emiya an

("should I write this list Sakura?"  
"yes "  
"but."

"yeah I got it, I will write the list now put down that knife")

Shiro Emiya an awesome, auburn haired, masculine, tall, kind, golden eyed, hot, sexy and, one more time, awesome teenager.  
Her senpai,  
had arrived.

Unaware that his kohai was staring at him the boy entered in the bathroom like nothing in the world was wrong whistling an happy song.

*tac  
A quick sound announced the glorious entrance in the bath of her senpai.

almost incapable to restrain herself Sakura sneaked behind the door that had just been close on her tip toes.  
she bent her knees while her eyes were dripping of lust and in absolute silence she slightly opened the sliding door of the bath.  
like a professional stalker

(PUT DOWN THAT KNIFE WOMAN!)

Peeping through the small opening Sakura Matou came across a feast for her eyes.  
Her senpai was sloooooooooowly stripping

"yes senpai do it first the top make me look at your body, your muscular perfect body…yeah all the suit away, now take away from my sight those boxer and let me see you tight butt"

Muttered he girl drooling half wondering if it was the case to join him  
But thanks to the third law of animes  
(Harem protagonists remain virgins until the end of the show)

"Shiroooo Sakuraaaaaaa-chaaaaaaaaaannnnn"

Fujimura-Sensei entered in Emiya household saving the chastity of Emiya Shiro

* * *

"Shirooo Sakura-chaaaaaaaan"  
I heard an exuberant voice scream

"oh Fuji nee has finally arrived"  
I thought as I entered into a blissful rain of hot water.

I tried to get out from the shower and scream a Good morning but invisible hands of steam kept me from doing it

"well I will greet her later"  
I said letting my nerves relax and covering myself in soap with the scent of lemon.

As I scratched my chest I observed my shower

"three weeks ago you were a true piece of garbage eh  
I was going to trash you  
but after a good dose of magic you became good as new uh"  
I said touching the hot metal tubes of the shower

"That's right Shiro-kun is all thanks too you"  
I muttered with small voiced moving my hand like a mouth

"you are too kind Shower-chan  
you are probably my best result with reinforcement magic"

"well after all you suck as a mage and I'm the only thing you can be proud of"

" **hey shut-up !** shower-chan you don't know me, even if I'm not a great mage I will train harder than anyone and accomplish my dream"

"yeah...if you say so...but right now I just see a boy talking to his right hand"

"..."

"did I just lose an argument with my hand...that sees me without even have eyes"  
I sadly realized

"But god if it feels good"  
I said enjoying the water drops on my skin.

* * *

Five minutes later I came out from the bathroom wearing my school uniform and with my red hair still slightly wet.

"Good morning Fuji-nee "  
I introduced myself entering in the kitchen

"Oh Shiro good morning you too"  
She greeted me back from the table.

There she was  
Fujimura Taiga the woman I affectionately called Fuji-nee a teacher in her mid twenties, playful and kind by nature with light brown hair and glossy lips.  
that for multiple reasons was also my legal guardian.  
And currently had her face dirty of countless crumbs

"…Tiger…did you open the fridge without my permission?"  
I said concealing as best as I could my anger...I did an horrible job

"No shiwo _*crunch_ "  
She said stuffing her mouth with a chocolate biscuit I kept hidden in a remote corner of the fridge.

 _*pop  
_ I felt a capillary in my brain explode while a bloody stream of rage ran through my veins

"…do not lie to me you!"  
I snapped snatching away from the woman all the cookies she had in front of her

"Sakura we have a scenario four!  
why do we have a scenario four?  
You should have been in kitchen"  
I asked on the verge of autocombustion.

"dammit a scenario four is the worst one"

* * *

Scenario 1  
is if the house is on fire

Scenario 2  
is if there is a storm incoming

Scenario 3  
is if water, electricity and gas are out of service

Scenario 4 also known as "WHO THE HELL LEFT TAIGA ALONE"  
is if Fuji-nee is left aloe in the kitchen, the consequences of this scenario can be multiple.  
complete loss of food stocks, a drunk crying woman that asks herself why she can't find a boyfriend or my least favourite  
"Shiro the (insert any kind of electro domestic) doesn't work anymore".  
[in this cases Scenario 1 and 3 can be triggered as well]

and Last Scenario 5 a.k.a. "I OVERSLEPT"  
that's a tricky one a fearsome scenario in which I overslept and most likely triggered the fourth Scenario

* * *

"I'm sorry senpai, Fujimura-Sensei entered and I was …concerned by something else...  
when I went to greet her she was already launching herself against the fridge"

"Damn you Tig-"

 _*crunch*_

"stop eating! you will ruin your appetite!"  
I scolded her

"Buf theyf sof goof...hgzhgazha"  
blubbered Fuji-nee nearly choking

"Yare Yare"  
I muttered passing to that stupid adult a glass of water

"Thank you Shiro you saved me"  
jumped on my neck the over enthusiastic woman

"No problem...are you okay"  
I asked falling prey of her antics

"Now yes thanks to you"  
she whispered

in that moment I was completely immobilized Fuji-nee had forced all her weight on me and I was barely managing to remain on my feet.  
my arms uncertain of what to do were stiff on my back.  
It was really an embarrassing position, but I enjoyed my sisterly figure affection once in a while...  
it keeps me from starving her

"really I can't stay mad at he-"  
I tried to thought but..  
*crunch

That sorry excuse for a woman hugged me just to snatch the package of biscuits in my hand

"Correction I can stay mad at this woman and I will begin to starve her"  
I thought while my hands went towards Taiga's neck...that woman was even dirtying my shoulder with cookies crumbs!

"Sensei it's bad you know, if your diet is so unbalanced you will never get a boyfriend"  
Said Sakura stopping my attempt to murder and making Fuji-nee stop to eat.

the young woman taken aback from my Kohai statement baked off and seated down, then with trebling hands pinched her belly.

five seconds of pure silence lasted in the kitchen before

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA"  
Fuji-nee began to cry

I didn't quite get how an unbalanced diet was related with boyfriends

"…but she had now stopped to devour my cookies so it's fine…I guess"  
I told myself bewildered by that show

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa Sakura-chaaaaaaaaan"

Averting my eyes from that glutton I moved towards the fridge and took out all the ingredients to cook a traditional Japanese breakfast: fish, eggs, rice, various vegetables and my miso soup

"thank all kami you're okay"  
"Shiro-kun I was so scared she was so big and voracious"

"Senpai what are you doing with your hand?".  
"nothing!"  
I said

I turned on the rice cooker, took out a sharp knife and began to cut the vegetables, Sakura rapidly joined me, following my pace giving me support. We moved like a well oiled machine no waste of energy was done, no words were needed.  
a nod  
a stare  
that was more than enough to coordinate us.

Ten minutes later the breakfast was warm and ready to be eaten, Fuji-nee at first stared at the food guiltily, eating slowly and pinching belly every five seconds; But it didn't last long.  
she returned to her usual way of feasting in less than ten minutes

"She is like a starved animal and she eat three meals each day (five to be honest)  
how could I even hope to survive against that woman if I tried to starve her "  
I thought looking at Fuji-nee stuffing her mouth with rice until she looked like a balloon.

Squeezing my eyes I decided to push aside my guardian's shenanigans and start to eat.  
smooth moves of my chopsticks brought to my mouth rice, fish and vegetables while Sakura happily chatted with Fuji-nee about frivolous topics.

Ignoring the two girls in front of me I finished my the rice in my bowl, put down my chopsticks and assumed my pose of deep reflection: two hands in front of my nose and eyes that stared to the nothingness. (Gendo Style)

"Goooooooooood I'm so damn awesome at cooking!"  
Was the deep thought in my mind

* * *

"What is he doing Sakura?"

"I don't know Fujimura-sensei, but it's not the first time I've seen him doing it"

"He has stared nothing for five minutes and he hasn't even blinked one time, let's try to wake him up"

"Is not that easy when he is in this state he is completely vulnerable he doesn't react to almost anything..., so defenseless ehehehe"

"What are you giggling about?"

"NOTHING! He has still with his hair wet I will get a towel to dry them, maybe this will awake him"

* * *

"I could get my own cooking show  
-Emiya-san Chi no kyou no Gohan-  
What's for dinner Emiya-san  
And I can have special guest every episod-"

 _*brush *brush_

" _a tactil sensation..._ Something is touching my hair  
How many possibilities is a racoon...again  
Not so many  
well I guess it's not important I can think about it later"

 _*pochi *pochi_

" _another tactil sensation_ And now something insanely soft is pressing on my back  
Marshmallow  
no...  
and it has a pretty interesting diameter too  
Focus this is important "

I thought snapping out of my trance and quickly turning my head to comprehend what was touching me

"Well come back senpai "  
Said Sakura with calm voice a sweet smile and a towel in her hand.

"Oh so that's the situation I'm in,  
I was in mediation,  
Sakura decided to dry my hair while she could and her opp….  
wait  
….so this is the feel  
…is she wearing a br…..soft"  
I thought realizing my position while all the blood in my body went in two different directions: upward and downward  
With my flustered face and my sword ready to be unsheathed, I coughed a little and said in the most confident voice I could muster  
"Thanks Sakura…"

"You're welcome senpai"  
She responded kindly as usual.

* * *

 _Sakura's mind_

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH YOU'RE GOING TO BE MINE

* * *

"oh crap is late I have to go, see you at school guys, Shiro after lesson I have to tell you something CIAO"  
Fuji-nee said looking at her watch

And there she went. My ever childish guardian flew out of the house and disappeared on her scooter after realizing she was late.

"Really, she never changes"

"That means is always amusing staying with her senpai"

* * *

 _Sakura's mind part 2_

But if that old jezebel pull out another stunt like when she hugged Shiro...I will need a shovel and an ax, maybe a few garbage bags and towels  
Do I have enough pocket money for all this stuff?

* * *

"I guess you can say that. Shall we clean up and head to school as well?"  
I responded fixing my amber eyes in Sakura's violet

"Sure"  
She said stretching out her hand

* * *

The cleaning of the kitchen went good both of us just did mechanical movements without thinking, just to give an idea of how many times we had cleaned that room after breakfast.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, that day while Sakura was doing the dishes a rice bowl inadvertently fell in the washbowl. A splash high a foot hit the chest of my kouhai soaking her shirt

"uh"  
Was the reaction of the girl, pretty plain in my opinion,  
I expected a more feminine kya or similar

"No my shirt is all wet senpai what I'm going to do "  
She said with an annoyed voice, turning towards me

"Oh no stop turning, your shirt is transpa…."  
My Thoughts died when a white bra with sakura flower entered in my field of view

"Breath breath I need to breath, it isn't something too pervert.  
she isn't naked or anything, it's like she's wearing a bikini…right bikini  
Dammit it isn't working"

* * *

 _Sakura's mind part 3_

Always take out the best from the worst situation  
That's right look at me senpai

I've seen your eyes, just take the bait.

* * *

"geez Sakura your clothes are all wet, go dry a bit in the bathroom before you get a cold, I will fetch you one of my shirts"  
I said trying to hide how flustered I was.

"Fuck...I mean…wearing senpai's shirt…I mean yes of course"  
Responded the girl almost whispering and heading towards the bathroom

Poor little thing wearing one of my shirts maybe was too much,but right now it was the best solution I could come out with.  
probably she could find some spare uniforms at school.

I walked in my room having to ignore the picture of Sakura's bra each step I took

"Fly away impure thoughts fly aware impure thoughts"  
I thought or at least tried to, but the words in my head sounded more like

"How could they be so damn soft"  
Yeah a pretty shameful aspirant hero of justice I was.

After I finally drove away those memories I opened my wardrobe.

"An old Shirt that Sakura can use...  
.oppai...  
HOW THE HELL I COULD THINK ABOUT THOSE NOW !"  
I thought as that segment of my memory refused to disappear.

In this state I couldn't take out...and not because I was groping them  
I had to clean my mind first.  
I stretched my hand in the boxer's drawer and reached a hidden box of paper…my treasure chest.  
I didn't bother to fully open it and display its contents, I already knew where was what I wanted.  
My hands reached the desired prize and with a nearly affectionate took it away from the box.

I applied some pressure.

 _*pop_

My senses made peace with the universe

 _*pop_

One more time

*pop

"Aaaa it feels good"  
I said watching with my amber orbs the sheet of bubble wrap in my hands  
one pop of those plastic bubbles and all my worries begone.

" really popping these things is the best...Maybe I can do better"  
I told myself while an epochal idea sparked from my neurons

 **Trace on  
** I whispered.

Two words  
One spell  
the only one I knew to activate my magic circuits.

Azure lines spreaded from my left arms to the wrapping paper.  
I consumed my mana and the blueprints of my treasure ran through my mind.

-Analysis of basic structure-  
I began to chant mechanically

Now I had all the information of that 16 x 10 centimetres long, thick 2 centimetres piece of bubble wrap.

Now I just had to reinforce everything.

-Reinforcement of the protective nylon and increase of the air pressure-  
I whispered pouring my energy in that object while the Azure lines invaded all the bubble wrap.

A small drop of sweat formed on my forehead, what I was doing wasn't a taxing operation but it required a great amount of control, so the effort I had to use was not small

Ten seconds later I stopped to use my magic circuits and a little excited I pushed my inch on the bubble wrap

*POOOP

A glorious sound echoed in my room leaving me ecstasiated On the floor

"Reinfocement really improve anything…"  
I muttered intoxicated

"now let's get Sakura a shirt"  
I said as I put back in its place my treasure box and took out, from the wardrobe one of my white shirt.

"I hope it isn't too big for my kohai."  
I reflected delivering the package to Sakura.

few moments later and she seemed a bit too happy, about that oversized shirt, but I didn't really had time to waste questioning

I reached the entrance of my home wore my lucky shoes and whistling a song I heard a few days ago I waited for Sakura

* * *

 _Sakura's mind part 4_

SENPAI'S shirt Oh dear Oh dear

Calm down

I have to keep myself together, but  
SENPAI'S SHIRT  
he must have wore it many times, it must be filled with his delicious scent

* * *

"It smells like senpai"  
I heard someone say while Sakura appeared in my view field.

"Did you say something Sakura"

"No Senpai, why?"  
Said Sakura reaching me

"ah nothing"  
I said escorting the girl to follow me with my hand.

* * *

Once Sakura and I rushed out from Emya's maison we headed to school, jogging through streetlights, and elementary schoolers.  
We barely arrived ar school in time, we changed with pur indoor shoes and each of us went straight to his class.

"I'm not going to be late I am not going to be late"  
Was the lyrics of the song played by my brain while I dodged a few students plus Rin Tohsaka

"Uh it seems I'm not the only one that had problem getting up today"  
I thought looking at the black haired honor student: she had her two twin tails slightly asymmetrical that morning but, for some reason, she looked even prettier.

"Emya-kun"  
Rina

She called me, why in whole world would Rin Tohsaka call me.

"Yes Tohsaka"  
I said puzzled

"You dropped this"  
She responded handing me a sheet  
…my math homeworks…

"well I guess now I know why in the whole world would Rin Tohsaka, call me"  
I realized while an embarrassed smile rose on my lips

"Oh thank you I didn't notice"  
I awkwardly said

"You're welcome"  
She politely said turning away her head.

For two embarrassing seconds I remained immobile staring at her disappearing in the hallways, until an annoying voice in my head made me remember about classes.  
"Shiro-kun... your classes"

*driiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin

"Here I come 2C"  
I declared putting the narration on hiatus.

* * *

The rest of the morning was quite normal: lessons of math, physics and Japanese, flew.  
Then there was lunch pause, that I spent buying a yakisoba pan from the cafeteria and eating it in the student council room with my best friend Issei Ryuudou  
a.k.a **the always tense bespectaled student president…  
** I heard quite a few people call him in that way…and also another rumor

apparently if you say that nickname three times in the girls toilette on the third floor your grades will drop by 20%.  
but in reality

* * *

"hey Issei have you heard of that awfully specific rumor..."

"you mean about the grades ghost"

"that one"

"..."

"..."

"the girl's bathroom is beside the student council room and many teachers owe me something"

* * *

when we ate together Issei and I usually of talked about trivial matters, made the list of clubs that needed a bit of my cool magic...  
I mean my help with their equipment and/or planned a way to keep Ayako Mitsuzuri, my other best friend, calm when the small gremlins in her head whispered it was time to increase the budget of the Archery club or to force me back in the club.

(I know what many of are thinking: how can he possibly have a best friend, who's also a girl, she must be his kind of girl-friend…the answer is no in the bloody hell no, we were clubmates, we both enjoy archery, but no never)

"Have you thought about her offer Emya?"  
Suddently asked Issei after finishing his egg roll

"You mean Mitsuzuri ninty-eighth request to return in the archery club?"  
I responded relaxed

"So you actually kept count…I swear I thought she asked you only ninty-six times"  
He exclaimed

"Yesterday: while I was changing my indoor shoes and when I had lunch with her"

"SO I WAS RIGHT...  
I mean  
Oh that makes sense…"

"..."

"so the captain of the Archery club of Fuyuki is coming back or not"

"No Issei I'm not going to rejoin the archery club. I would only cause problems"

"Suit yourself, but in my opinion you're letting Shinji influence you too much"

" yeah I know you don't like Shinji…well practically none likes Shinji  
(except all those chicks that for some reason follow him around).  
But even him with all his arrogance and his nasty temper and his arrogance and his nasty temper an-"

"I got the point"

" was right.  
an year ago I hurt myself before an important competition and caused a lot of problems…  
so I don't deserve to be in the team anymore, beside I just used the club to keep fit"

"Shame  
an exchange students from Chiba is arriving tomorrow in order to enable a member of the archery club to take part to the next Sutāshūtā tournament (star shooter)"

"Wait you mean that Sutāshūtā tournament, held in Chiba every three years, where all the best archery club from all over Japan compete!  
it was my goal to take par-"  
I said while Isseis sharp eyes pierced through my soul

"…"

"and before you say anything It **was"  
** I clarified

"Okay I got it…I have to say I was quite surprised when I heard of this exchange project"

"Why?"

"Because is nearly before the final exams and because all the permission where signed a week ago.  
apparently the teacher who supervisionated the project forgot about it"  
said Issei adjusting his glasses, while in my head  
"How does he do that, how can light do an effect so cool on glasses".

After that my brain returning to function normally suggested me four words to slowly whisper  
"It"  
1

"was"  
2

"Fujimura"  
3

"sensei…"  
4

"You didn't hear anything from me"  
said Issei brushing off mt statement

"…she is really, incredible"  
I muttered remembering that that stupid woman was my legal tutor

"apparently she even forgot to ask anyone to host the exchange student"  
Added Issei making me sink even more in shame

"but maybe is just a rumor…"  
said my friend noticing my gloomy state

"y-y-y-eah "  
I whispered

"going to hotter topics there are two heater that are broken can you try to fix them Emiya?"  
Asked the boy changing topic

"Did you just make a pun?"  
I exclaimed forgetting everything about Fuji-nee

"I most probably did not"

* * *

 _*two hours later*_

"Kuzuki-sensei it's possible to share two words with Emya-kun"  
Said Fuji-nee interrupting the hour of self-study

"I don't mind"  
Said Kuzuki-sensei with his usual scary voice and empty eyes

Hearing his response I stood up from my desk and walked towards the door passing through the desks of my classmates.  
among which Shinji Ika…  
I mean Shinji Matou the older brother of Sakura, who tried to make me trip with his left foot…but he stretched his foot too late so I just stomped his foot.

*ugh*

Was the choked sound that came out from his mouth.  
"Oh sorry Shinji"  
I said hoping he wasn't really trying to make me slip.

"Emiya how dare you (blablabla)"  
completely ignoring his rants I followed my way and without wasting more time I got away from the classroom closing the door behind me.

"So what's going on Fujimura-sensei"  
I inquired looking in the eyes of my guardian

"Well Shiro remember that time, when you said that thing about that other thing and…"  
She started to digress pointing her index against one another

"Get to the point Fuji-nee"  
I cut her

"Last year, when you were still in the archery club I created an exchange project to enable you to participate to the Sutāshūtā tournament…stop rising your eyebrow!  
Okay it wasn't exactly for you, someone gave me the idea and I have received a bonus for organizing this project."

"that sound more like you"  
I said lowering my eyebrow

"I was sure you would have been chosen…  
because you were the captain  
but then you dropped the club  
I forgot about the project itself and

and now none in the archery club can host the exchange student with so little notice"  
She said staring at her feet

"…"  
I remained silent trying to count all the redeeming qualities Fuji-nee had...dammit

"so"  
she began, I knew where this was going to end.

"So…can you host in your house the exchange student please please please please"  
She begged in dojeza

"Really.  
I knew it every time she make some mess is my job to repair.  
To be honest I wouldn't mind host the exchange student  
but really I can't spoil her forever"  
I thought while the tiger was crawling towards my feet

"Okay I got, I will host him or her, but you will pay back all the expenses for the food"  
I said softly sighing

"Yes Shiro of course Shiro"  
She said hugging my legs and wetting my trouser with snot

"Oi really stand up TIGER!  
its embarrassing looking at you  
I said it's okay  
I will prepare a room for the new guy after my part time

so stand up"  
I stated removing that excuse for an adult from my legs and going back In my classroom

when I re-entered I felt countless eyes on me

"there is something wrong here"  
I thought while Fuji-nee sticked inside the classroom her head

"Thanks your availability Kuzuki-sensei"  
she said cheerful as usual

"You are welcome Tiger-sensei… Fujimura-sensei"  
responded the scary teacher

"oh we were too near at the class that's why they are looking at me and Fuji-nee with strange eyes"  
I realized.

Two seconds later Fuji-nee discovered that all my class now knew her nickname and ran away holding back her tears

"…ops"

* * *

The schoolday went off without nothing else worth to mention.  
When the bell rang, I said goodbye to Issei agreeing to meet him tomorrow during lunch pause with the new student to show him the school, plus other things  
(FIX HEATERS!)  
and went to change my indoor shoes.

Masses of boys and girl, in front of me, moving like ants, headed towards their various clubs or left the school to return to their homes exchanging jokes.  
Estranging myself from that show, I came out from the school building and walked across the courtyard whistling a song I heard on radio

(OOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEE PPPPPUUUUUUNNNNNCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH)

I only stopped myself, while my eyes indulged on the Archery dojo  
"…nostalgia"  
I said letting that single words out of my lips

"…and Rin Tohsaka that for some reason is watching the archery club members"  
I noticed puzzled

"Where are you? where are you? oh the archery uniform KAWAII"

"…Okay  
Wonder what is she doing"  
I averted my eyes.

Allowing my feet to dictate the way for ten minutes or so I stepped out from the school and found myself in front of the Copenhagen; a nice café I have worked at for the last two years as a part timer.

At first.  
I worked for a charming older woman with long black hair named Otoko Hotaruzuka and nicknamed neko: an old friend of Fuji-nee, she was kind, mature  
(more than Fuji-nee),  
a bit childlish sometimes  
(less than Fuji-nee), for some reason liked to call me Emiyan and was unable to stand lazy people  
(wonder how she could be friend of Fuji-nee).

Three months ago her father had serious health problems and to cure himself properly he needed to go in an specialized hospital in a city far away.

Neko couldn't abandon her sick father and fortunately she managed to get in touch with two old friends of hers: a married couple that owned a café near that hospital.  
she asked them help and so they switched.

(End of the story...a bit convenient though)

In fact, the Copenhagen was currently managaed by Sigmund Erou, his wife Janet and his adoptive dad Nijito  
They were very funny people...I guess

Sigmund was a very tall man, a bit younger than Fuji-nee, he had got waivy black hair, brown eyes, was very smart ( he helps me sometimes with math) and had an insane passion for anime and mangas…  
I mean really once a month he make a shounen jump night and all the cosplayers get 60% discount on desserts.

Janet is a foreign woman, that couldn't be described without the word beautiful.  
she was around the same age of her husband and had long blonde hairs and blue eyes.  
on my notebook she was probably the most patient person on the earth and a very capable teacher.  
(In everything really except math… phisics… science…Japanese, or any scholastic subjects… but she taught me how to bake cakes)

Nijito was well Nijito… An old man with a few silver hairlocks in the black forest he had on his head, rider of wheelchair black with flame designs.  
and had always his face covered with a blue scarf.  
Always able to understand two words from one and always…and I repeat **always** ready to tell stories of his past…  
(don't get me wrong most of them are interesting, but he repeat the same story minimum twice a day)  
its really the stereotypical grandpa (yet I have no clues about his age) .

"Good afternoon"  
I said announcing myself in that old fashioned café full of wooden furniture

"Oh Shiro-kun you're early! How are you?  
Immediately responded a cheerful blonde woman

"I'm good Janet-san and you?"

"Busy as usual.  
since Oto-san decided to make a 20% discount on hot chocolate this place is always full"  
she said pointing at the tables of the room filled with people.

"Then you should thank me, I and my baka-son created an awesome recipe and now we will make a bunch of money"  
Complained Nijito-san arriving on his wheelchair with his scraping voice.

"Hey Brat how are you, ready to work?"  
he greeted me

"Fine and I'm ready as you are"  
I retorted with a smirk

"so…zero"  
He winked to me with his dull grey eyes

"Maybe"  
I responded grinning

"NO NO NO NO you are not corrupting also this child Oto-san.  
Shiro stay away from this creep and go to change"  
Intervened Janet moving her hands between us

"This place really is warm "  
I thought moving away from my coworkers and reaching the changing rooms.

I opened a small red door with a white signboard on that said "PRIVATE", after that I walked through a small hallway.  
surpassing two rooms full of groceries and spare chairs, a few boxes on the ground with inside  
"Are those rockets!  
God I hope I have no shifts during the next Shounen night"  
I screamed discovering the mysteries of those boxes.

I entered in the changing room and searched my locker.  
I put away my school uniform's: jacket and pants, wore a pair of jeans and the Copenhagen's brown apron.

* * *

"Oh Shiro! "  
Said a tense voice immediately after I came out from the backstore.

"Good afternoon owner-san need an hand?"  
I asked to the man behind the counter.  
He was simultaneously cooking, receiving ordinations and calculating two bills

"Please! here I have my hands full  
go to take the ordinations of table seven and eleven"  
he said cleaning a drop of sweat from his forehead

"Sure boss"  
I said beginning to take ordinations and to clean empty tables.

* * *

"Kuzuki-sensei dropping here for a drink after your job?"

"Not quite Nijito Eru-san, I just desired to try the hot chocolate my students spend their time talking about"

"Really? I didn't imagine you were the hot chocolate type…or maybe there is more"

"I don't quite follow your statement"

"Well you know the monks of the Ryudou temple may or may not, have told me about your fiancé, by the way congrats, and so I was wondering if you weren't"

"Trying a beverage in order to know if she could like it"

"Yeah, basically that…Soichiro-san there is something wrong with you face, the corners of your mouth went upwards for a second"

"Is indeed a possibility"

 _*Screech_

"Ohhhhhhhhh"

 _*tung_

"Do not push yourself back so violently when you are on a wheelchair please.  
You might have fallen if I didn't catch you"

"Thank you Kuzuki-sensei"

* * *

"Emiya one hot chocolate for table 13"  
Nijito's voice called me from the other side of the cafe

"Ok"  
I responded noting down the order on my notebook.

with a few of ordinations in my hands I walked towards the counter

"Owner-san we have three more chocolates, five coffees and one Mampo spicy Janet level"  
I listed

"Janet level!  
Who's the crazy man that order something like that and at this hour!"  
exclaimed Sigmund

"Your wife she took a pause"  
I said drily taking with me a few coffees

"This actually makes sense"  
he muttered returning to his job

"I have to tell him something"  
I realized before my feet drove me in front of that battle field also known as table 24  
(the table 24 is a dangerous place were a bad karma hangs around...usually used by Kotomine Kirei)

"Ehm owner-san"  
I called him with insecure tone

"Sigmud  
I told you to call me Sigmund Shiro"  
he cut me of

"always this story...why he wasn't bothered by my owner-san ten minutes ago"  
I wondered before giving up

"Okay Sigmund…san,  
please don't look me with those eyes,  
I am gonna host an exchange student so I might have problems with the shifts of the next week"

"Oh don't worry I was going to tell you later, but we will be closed next week…  
my old man found a rat  
a pretty one  
and then another one  
and another and another.

we will to disinfest the whole café"  
he whispered in my ears

"Is even legal, be open in this condition"  
I asked assaulted by doubts

"Three hot chocolates ready"  
responded cheerfully the owner

"But"

"Here the five coffees"

* * *

After the owner-san ignored my question I calmly ended my shifts, all the costumers were gone and I was helping with the last cleaning until.

*screech

The wooden door of the Copenhagen opened screeching  
(I really had to oil that)  
as three man dressed with heavy winter clothes and cheap green winter jacket entered in the cafe.

"Excuse me we are closed"  
said Sigmund at the three balaclava wearers.

they didn't responded as the air became to feel "electric"

Then two of them dashed in the cafè two reaching quickly Janet and Nijito in the corners they were cleaning.

"ROBBERS!"  
my neurons screamed as I saw Janet and Nijito with a knife pointed on their throats.

Both the two adults freeze while the mop they were holding in their hands fell on the ground  
 _*tun_

"the counter now"  
intimated the only man that remained in front of the entrance drawing a grey gun.  
He had a soft voice that reminded me of autumn leaves; cold but elegant

Sigmund watched around the shop indulging his eyes on Janet and his father.  
at the moment only I and him were able to freely move, but we were the most near to the man with the gun.

"If I can disarm him I can create a stall mate"  
I thought gripping the mop in my hands until my knuckles became white.

"I don't care if it is dangerous  
I have to do something.  
I have to act like an hero of justice"  
I told myself steeling my resolve

I fixed my amber eyes on the man with the gun and lowered my posture.  
I felt every muscular fiber of my body tense ready to dash.  
No more than two metres divided from the man I could do it

"I must do it"  
but

"Okay you win"  
resigned Sigmund with a faint smile and at looking me with furious eyes that seemed to say "WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO DO"

"dammit he stopped me "  
I angryly thought gritting my teeth and tightening more my mop.

"Hey son what did he win?  
I haven't got my hearing aid  
and these punks all wear balaclava! I can't read their lips"  
exclaimed Nijito trying to sound as old and senile as possible casually ignoring the knife at his throat.

"THEY WANT THE MONEY DAD"  
responded screaming Sigmund.

"PIECES OF SHIT"  
Cried the old man gesticulating towards the robber, that were slightly taken aback by the indifference of the son and father duo.

seeing them for some reason made me immediately relax and I unconsciously soften my grip on the mop...I had held it so tight I opened a few cuts on my hands.

"Wait Nijito ji-san doesn't use an hearing aid"  
I realized watching at the old man.

"he is up to something to something, but what "  
I thought noticing that the gestures he was doing were the same we used during work

 _index and pinky towards me  
 **NOT NOW**  
_

 _left fist grabbed by right hand towards Sigmund  
_ _ **INDULGE THE CUSTOMER**_

 _index and middle finger pointed towards Janet  
 **SERVE THE CUSTOMER**_

"Enough!"  
said the man with the gun while his companion poked Nijito's throat with the knife to keep him quiet.

"get the money now and nobody will get hurt"

"Okay"  
said quietly Sigmund moving towards the counter.

"Janet everything is going to be fine tonight I will prepare you duck liver your favourite"  
added the man looking at his wife

"Sure"  
she replied nodding and smiling like nothing was wrong.

the man with the gun followed Sigmund pointing the gun towards me.  
his message was clear "do something strange and I shot you"

"unfortunately you have yet to understand...  
you messed up with the wrong people"  
I thought before five seconds of hell broke out.

Everything happened so fast.  
my eyes could barely keep up with the world around me

First Sigmund with calmly take out from the counter and raised the metal box with all the yen we earned that day.  
Showing its contains to the robbers that gasped at the sight of so many bills.

"they are lowering their guard...Good"  
I told myself seeing their muscles relax.

then the robber armed with a gun in front of Sigmund extended his left hand trebling to reach the loot, but...  
When the robber grabbed the box the owner still held his grip tight and said.

" **omae wa mou shindeiru"**

" **NANI** "

* * *

and then the fight began.  
At the same time the bizarre family of restaurateurs counterattacked the robbers.

Janet smashed her right elbow in the guts (or to be more precise the liver) of the only robber that had stayed quiet all the time, gripped his arm, the one with knife and projected the man on the floor with a judo move that gave me cheels only to see it.  
a demonstration of brutal efficiency.

Nijito on the other more than brute strength played on surprise effect, in fact he draw out of his pocket a swiss knife and stabbed his robbers wrist.  
the man injured and confused instinctively stepped giving Nijito enough time to turn his wheel chair of 180° degrees stand up and smash a direct on the robber's nose.

(SHIRO'S MIND  
"HIS LEGS ACTUALLY WORKS!")

and last but not least Sigmund that after "his" catch phrase gripped the right wrist of the robber twisting it in a interesting angulation disarming the man, then with a strong kick the owner sent the man towards me and

*CRASH  
I smashed my wooden mop on the head of the robber so hard that it broke.

"Nice work everyone.  
waa!"  
said Nijito watching at the three unconscious robbers before falling on the ground.  
apparently his legs really had problems

"Oto-san!"  
screamed Janet rushing towards the old man

"I'm fine I'm fine... go call the police"  
he said brushing off his daughter in law

"I'm gonna search something to tie them up Shiro keep your eyes open"  
said Sigmund-san with unexpressive voice.

* * *

Five minutes later the police arrived and took away the robbers while Sigmund and Janet went in central for the verbal and Nijito oji-san and I were left alone in the cafe.

"I can't belive that just five minutes ago there was a robbery"  
I thought finishing to clean up the place.

the air of the room was static as if the time stopped.  
Nijito was in a corner of the room rolling what seemed cigarette in his fingers, I underline **seemed** , for the first time since I met him he really looked like an old man; small and marked by time.  
his eyes stared at me

"So aren't going to ask?"  
he said breaking the awkward silent between us.

"I don't get what you mean"  
I responded taken aback by his statement.

"Don't try to hide it lad, you have been starring at my legs since the police arrived"  
he calmly retorted lightning up his...weed..

"yes he is smoking cannabis"  
I thought recognizing the scent

"Well I thought you couldn't stand at all, yet you dashed to punch the robber"  
I said quietly manifesting my curiosity

"and I thought you were smart yet you were willing to dash in front of an armed robber.  
with only a mop  
the world is full of surprises"  
he retorted with a strange mix of seriousness and sarcasm.

"I.."  
I tried to say something the word refused to came out from my mouth.

"Listen kiddo just think before you act, this time the situation was -thanks to all gods- undercontrol...somehow,  
But that hot blood of yours, try to keep it under control otherwise you won't be able to become an awesome old man like me."

"...right...sorry"  
I muttered avoiding to say unnecessary things about justice, heros and heros of justice.

"Don't apologize to me, apologize to your dumb brain for not having listened to him...  
come here I have to show you something"  
Nijito said returning to his usual self.

with impatient steps I reached the old man and sat beside him

"Look"  
he said exposing part of his low legs.

my breath died.  
my eyes widen  
and my stomach twisted like it had never done before.

Nijito's legs where completely covered in scars, the kind of scars left by third degree burns.

"See boy that's what happened to me when I acted as I could take on the world by myself.  
a price I had to pay, now my legs are completely unfeasible, I can still move them but the sense of touch and my equilibrium are gone  
be careful bo-."  
said the old man with knowing eyes, but I couldn't hear him anymore.

I was hypnotized by his scars until

"ah...AH"  
I began to gasp searching for air and images of ten years ago started ran through my mind

"fire"

"b...y"

"Fire"

"br...t"

"FIRE  
FIRE  
FIRE  
FIRE  
FIRE  
FIRE"

"Em...ya"

"hey that's the hell you're walking through"

"SHIRO!"

"AH!"  
I exclaimed snapping out of my trance

"hey boy are you ok?"  
asked the man

"yeah...sorry I'm not good to fire related things"  
I excused myself.

"don't worry just take a breath...and well since you are here can you check my wheel chair?"  
asked the man knowing that the best way to calm me was a manual job.

* * *

The rest of the evening passed quietly, I checked the transmission of Nijito ji-san wheelchair and returned home taking the long way.

I kinda had to clear my head.

In this period of the year Fuyuki is perfect; chilly but not cold, so it's pretty pleasant to take a walk and watch at the shining city during the evening.

I was lazily putting a foot before another locking up my memories when in a tiny figure appeared in front of me.§  
She was a little girl maybe around ten or eleven, with silver hair, red eyes and a skin so pale that put snow to shame, she was indeed beautiful, but there was something wrong with that beauty, she was like too perfect.  
In her little violet coat and Russian hat of the same colour, the doll looking child walked beside me making bones shiver... a thing that even the robbers from before managed to… I couldn't understand why though.

"You should summon your servant quickly or you will die Oni-chan"  
the whispering voice of the girl echoed in the night

"OH NOW I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY! THIS CHILD IS CREEPY!"  
I thought as I turned around to face her, but by that time she was gone.

"Ok…that was strange, or scary, or both"  
I said while my feet mystically started to run on their own towards my home.

* * *

When I arrived at home sweaty and with my lungs begging for rest.  
I remained outside my household an entire minute trying to forget what I had just experienced.

"I didn't saw an albino girl, I didn't hear a terrifying treat, I was just near Nijito ji-san when he smoke his "therapeutic" stuff"  
I thought moving towards the entrance

"forget the girl, forget the girl forget…what I was supposed to forget, oh right the girl…SHIT"

"Shiro what are you muttering?"  
Said a voice making me return to reality

"NOTHING!  
uh?  
why are you here Fuji-nee?"

"What kind of question is that, you know why"  
She responded confused

"In order to help me with preparation of the room for the exchange student?"  
I said trying to persuade her with a faint smile

"Uh…Y-y-y-yeah Shiro of course, after all it was my fault"

"You came here just for dinner, did you"  
I deadpanned her

"NO!  
Stop rising your eyebrow!  
uff  
Com'on Sakura-chan is inside she was worried about you"  
she began to complain

"Aye aye"  
I whispered following the older woman and wisely choose not to mention the robbery at the Copenhagen.

* * *

The time flowed quietly; Fuji-nee, Sakura and I ate together a simple dinner and Fuji-nee introduced the hot topic of the evening  
"So about the exchange student..."

"Which exchange student"  
immediately asked sakura confused cutting off Fuji-nee discourse.

"Uh we start well "  
I thought before explaining the whole situation to my kohai.  
after she discovered the exchange student was a boy calmed a lot.

"I see  
so I will do the dishes so you and Fujimura-sensi can talk.  
But really Fujimura-sensi you have to be more careful"  
said the girl moving away from the table.

"okay now Shiro first question in which room do we put this Hikigaya Hachiman guy?"  
Began my guardian

* * *

(two hours later)

"Fine he goes in Kiritsugu's room"

"Finally we have reach an agreement"

"but you will help me with the cleaning now!"  
I said concluding the argument.

It had been a tough choice but eventually me and Taiga decided to put Hikigaya in Kiritsugu's old room.  
at first I disagreed with the decision, but... it was fine.  
that room deserved a bit of life.

* * *

Soon after Sakura and Fuji-nee went home and I was **finally** free to go train my magecrafth.

"I wonder what type of person is this Hikigaya. Probably he likes archery"  
I thought wearing my work suit and reaching the tool shed

"today pipes"  
I said entering in that dusty building and taking out a metal pipe from a basket

I sat cross-legged on the floor and made my hands run on the smooth and cool surface of the pipe trying to get the right feel, but the events of the evening didn't allowed me to "get good"

"A robbery and a creepy girl...the only thing I did in both cases was remain immoble and watch  
truly pathetic"  
I said gripping the pipe

"ouch...oh right I cut myself today, fortunately fuji-nee and Sakura didn't noticed.

* * *

SAKURA & TAIGA!

"what did he do to his hands Sakura?"  
"don't now...maybe they made him angry"  
"they?"  
"yes you know senpai talks with his hands sometimes"  
"OH right"

* * *

once I finally relaxed myself and get the right feeling, I put down the pipe and activated my magic circuits with my Aria.

- **Trace on-**

The usual blue lines appeared on my hands and on the pipe, while a great amount of information filled my brain

-Tracing basic structure-

-Tracing component materials-

I said with my mechanical voice.  
Now I knew every secret of that pipe.

"it's time to do the actually empower."  
I thought continuing the spell

-Altering fundamental structure-

-Strenghtening component material-

It was hard, it was difficult, I had to clenge my teeth to remain focused.

I continued to pour my mana in metal, but the blue lines on the pipe began to glow of red and yellow, it wasn't working;  
I tried to increase once more my mana output, but that only resulted in the complete failure of the reinforcement magic.

"Damn. I failed again.  
I can't believe that I still can't do something this basic, I'm gonna be a novice forever "  
I said disappointed laying down on the floor

"Just how can I do…How can I become an hero of justice…Kiritsugu"

I whispered while I fell in the arms of Morpheus-

* * *

THE NIGHTMARE

Hello!

my name was Nijito,  
but my parents only called me Ni, literally the second.  
I was a Magus born from a family of Magi born in order to replace my dead brother…  
I never knew his name probably it was Ichi, literally the first.  
From as far as I can remember I have always been a disappointment for my parents;I wasn't talented like my brother, on the contrary I wasn't even able to use magecraft.  
apparently my magic circuits, if they were there, couldn't handle mana.  
I was too young to remember it, but I still have some flashes of a tall man with a white coat telling my parents I would have never become a Magus and the tears in my mother's eyes.

When I was three years old I became a big brother of a little cute girl and with my parents pleasure my little sister was by no mean like me; she was full of magic circuits and mana.  
truly a gift from the heaven.

As It easy to imagine my parents gave all their attention to her and I began to be ignored.  
but I didn't mind, A  
after all it was my fault for being weak and beside I liked to spoil my little sister.

Until I was six I consider mine an happy childhood.  
Sure it was hard to understand that my parents never scolded me because they had no expectation and it was hard to see them always too busy to play with me.  
but I still remember those rare pads on my head when I took back from the nursery school some drawings I created pouring my soul in them.  
My teacher said I was talented and praised me, but I didn't care I just wanted to do something so beautiful that my parents would have been obliged to pad my head and ruffle my black hair.

I lived an hard life yet an enjoyable one.

Then it happened, one snowy day a letter appeared, it was orange, it had a red pretty seal and shocked the core of my parents.

I never discovered the contents of that letter, but I know that they ruined my life.  
The next evening my parents wearing their best clothes left alone my sister and I for dinner and went to an important meeting,I remember we had pizza that night.  
Then my parents began to lock up in the workshop of our home rarely coming out.  
And little world began to change in a thing that I would have recognized with the word

 **hell.**

My name was Nijito and this is the story of my death.

* * *

"Pizza delivery"  
I heard a voice outside the door

"Oh it's here imotou-chan!"  
I said looking at my little sibling playing with a stuffed bear on the couch

"Piwwa Piwwa"  
she said trying to properly speak

"Ah so cute."  
I thought as I ran in front of the door and opened it

"Hello"  
I said to the pizza man

"oh! Hello to you young boy"  
He responded surprised bending his neck to watch me

It was funny

"Did you ordered these Pizzas?"  
He asked

"YES I did"  
I said happily

"Really?  
aren't you cheerful uh?  
Are you also the little man that is going to pay for them?"

"Of course HERE"  
I said giving to the man a bill and a few coins

"Wow there is no need for change, don't tell me you calculated the bill on your own"  
He said smiling, looking at my shaking head,

"here your pizzas good evening lil' boy"  
He said giving me two squares of cardboard.

"Thank you"  
I said saluting the delivery boy.

with a small amount of droll I closed the door and placed the two pizzas on the kitchen table.  
then I went in the living room and took in my arms imotou-chan.

"Now repeat with me "i-t-t-a-d-a-k-i-m-a-s-u""  
I said to my little sister to teach her manners

"Ittawasusmasus"  
she blubbered

"I guess it's a start"  
I muttered

"Good girl"  
I padded her head

"eheheh"  
she laughed

then the time for me stopped, like it wanted to give me a last moment to enjoy the happiest moment I have enjoyed in a long time

Really, this was the nicest of my dreams…

"but now I have to wake up"

* * *

" _it's time to get up it's time to get up"_

"Time to get up"  
I muttered with my eyes still closed snoozing my alarm while I was keep warm by a blanked of dictionaries

"OH It is six AM, I have probably slept two or three hours… well it's enough, I have to go in a few places today"  
I said rolling out of my bed covered in books

crawling on the ground like a lizard I checked the rooms of my parents and little sister.  
both of them were empty.

I squared those rooms and nothing was out of place, but that was the problem  
"They are still in the workshop...  
It's already a month"  
I whispered descending the stairs and entering in the kitchen; a small yellow room with green cabinets and a kitchenette

step after step I reached the centre of the kitchen while my mental faculties returned to me  
"I hope they have at least eaten"  
I suddenly thought remembering the habit of my family to forget about food.

I ran towards the only small painting in the kitchen.  
It was a stil...a still life that's it; a simple basket full of fruit  
staying on my tip toes I lifted the painting revealing an elevator not bigger than a metre.

"good they didn't forget again"  
I smiled seeing three dishes still dirty of rice and curry in the elevator.

with a faint grin on my lips I took the dishes and began to clean them in the washboard

"When I have saw my parents the last time…?  
I began to wonder rubbing a sponge on the dishes

"a month ago"  
I decided

"yes I have seen mom's head before she disappeared under the trap-door of the livingroom in may...  
dad  
well I have seen him in april…maybe"  
I said finishing to clean the dishes

"Imotou-chan I haven't seen her in a week, since she opened the trap-door with her mana"  
I whispered gripping on of the dishes with all the strength a seven years old boy could muster

"Too bad I can't open it otherwise, I would bring mommy and daddy their meals."  
I said releasing my grip while a strange itch started near my eyes.

"But even if I could, there are mommy's rules:  
never enter in the workshop  
and never talk about Magi"  
I thought turning my head towards the clock

6:15

"Crap  
I lost myself in thoughts!"  
I gasped as I realized I was going to be late.

I had to speed up,

"first mum and dad's coffee"  
I thought

"Turn on the machine"  
"Pour the water"  
"Add the soluble coffee"

"And wait 68 seconds"  
I listed my actions a habit I took over an year ago .

"Second, I'm in my pajama, I have 65 seconds to get changed."

"Run in the room"  
"Take a t-shirt and short trousers from the drawer"  
"Strip from the pajama"

"is becoming too tight I have to buy a new one…but I don't wanna spend money in this way"

"2 seconds lost"  
reminded me a voice in my brain, Dammit!

"Dress up"

"And rush back in the kitchen"  
now I was dressed and out of breath

"Third the 65 seconds are over, I have to complete the preparations for the family's breakfast"  
I robotically said searching for air

"Pour the coffee in the thermos"  
"Take out from the fridgeimotou-chan's apple juice"  
"Put on them plus a pack of biscuits on the elevator"

"I am forgetting something...Oh the lunch"  
I said remembering I was going to be out all the day

"add 3 instant ramen and a thermos of hot water"

* * *

"Okay my morning chores are over"  
I told myself opening the fridge and taking out a can of coffee.

the cool metal on my hand made me shiver as I read the ingredients of the drink  
"sweetened condensed milk, sugar, coffee, flavoring, caramel color, emulsifier, sodium casein, stabilizing (carrageenan)"  
ATTENTION KEEP OUT OF THE REACH OF CHILDREN"

"mhe"  
I said gulping down the whole can in one go.  
that was my "healthy breakfast"

the sugar and the caffeine rapidly entered in my bloodstream shocking my whole body with energy

"BREAKFAST DONE"  
I said under the effect of a sugar rush squeezing the metal can in my hand until it remained just a craped mass of aluminium.

I now was ready to go:

I had made breakfast for my parents  
i had dressed up  
and I had breakfast myself

it was PERFECT

"6:25"  
I saw on my Pokemon watch

"I have to go  
bye bye"  
I said heading towards the door..I didn't really know who I was saluting but...I did it notless  
I took from the livingroom my back pack and run to the door.  
then I put the hand in the handle an-

* * *

 _flashback  
_

"I TOLD YOU TO DEAL WITH IT! "

"AHHHRG"

* * *

"AHH!"  
I suddenly screamed while an unplesant memory came to visit me.

In two seconds my heart beat rose.  
drops of sweat came out from my forehead  
my left hand began to burn painfully  
and I found myself incapable to breath

"ah...ahh..."  
I gasped until

"Sleep"  
a quiet voice from the depth of my soul resounded in my head.

suddenly all those sensation disappeared and with a plain quiet voice I said  
"Fourth look at the bills of water, light and gas"

I moved again in the livingroom

"crap I hate bills"  
I said taking a few paper I left on the sofa yesterday.

"Nothing out ordinary"  
I thought checking those evil number I studied for so long.

"today I will go to the post office and do the bank transfer with my money"  
I decided adding another thing to my list of chores and looking at the contains of my Doraemon's wallet.

"6:27"

"now I really have to go"

* * *

coming out from my house I began to Run beside the street.  
I reached a bus stop I came by every morning and looked at my Pokemon's watch

"6:32"

"Eight minutes to wait "  
I said clapping my hands in child fashion

 _*tunk  
_ A weird noise reached my ears I still had the crumpled can in my hand.

"Ops I forgot to trash it"  
I said searching a trash bin.

fortunately for me there was one beside the bus stop.  
I went in front of that bin and let go the can, or at least tried to, but my hand wouldn't work.  
I didn't know why my hand was stubborn, but I knew that every time I watched a coffee can I felt, weird.

"Sensei one day at school said children of my age shouldn't drink coffee"  
I began to mutter with empty eyes

"I agree with her, coffee is really really bitter… but without it I feel too sleepy"  
I told myself trying to understand why I was doing something I defined "bad" consciously

"Maybe I feel guilty?"  
I said trying to understand my feelings

"But why do I feel guilty?  
I don't drink coffee because I like it..  
I drink it because I had to stay awake to learn quickly how to read and write on my own!  
to pay the bills!  
because I have to wake up early to make money!

 **while my parents**

 _Arg*"  
_ I grunted interrupting my monologue that from a whisper had nearly become a scream,

"What hurted me"  
I thought looking at my hands.

Apparentely I had unconsciously clenged my hands and made the metal of the can cut my plam.  
Fortunately, my mission was now complete;  
reacting to the pain I had let go the can…  
but now my right hand was bleeding.

"Crap again!  
Do I have plasters in the backpack today?

Yes! Lucky"  
I said before treating my small cut.

Six minutes and eleven seconds later the bus arrived I greeted the driver Takamine-san and completely forgot about the whole can mess.

At that time I had yet to understand why I squeezed as hard as I could every can of coffee I drank.  
It wasn't because I felt guilty

…

 **It was because I felt furious.**

* * *

"Here is your stop Nijito-kun"  
said the tall driver

"As always thanks Takamine-san"  
I replied smiling like a normal child...so tiring

"One day you have to explain to me why you have to meet your granma so early in the morning"  
he smirked pointing at me

"You know she wants to be the first to do the shopping in the morning so she get the best things, but now she is old and she needs my strong arms"  
I shamelessly lied

"ahaha you're a pretty tough kid, but be careful here we are near to the red light district, do not go near the love hotel, there is a lot of strange people"

"Okay… but I don't know what a love hotel is, why there are strange people?"  
I asked keeping my act

"I will tell you another day"  
he cockily grinned

"You said that every time, bye bye"  
I said getting down from the bus and watching it disappear on the streets

"Sorry Takamine-san but I have to ignore your advice"  
I muttered checking out a Polaroid and a digital camera in my backpack and rushing in the red light districts.

* * *

It was early in the morning.  
there were very few people on the street of the red lights district.

my feet acted on their own moving me towards my destination  
I had been in that district numerous times, I knew all the streets, the corners and shortcuts so I was able to reach any part of that dirty suburb quickly.

"Today my objective is the love hotel named "Amai hachimitsu" (sweet honey), room 20 C."  
I mentally revised

Unseen by indiscrete eyes I went through the dirtiest paths of the district where none dared to watch.  
I jumped over one or two drunk homeless and reached my destinations; an high building with a glowing honey jar before the entrance.

"1, 2, 3 I can do it ...I can do it"  
I told myself taking out from my backpack a black notebook  
(THE DEATH NOTE! Just kidding)

I browsed its pages until I reached what I wanted.  
two pages of yellowed paper where three photos I took with my Polaroid were trapped

A court judge  
the wife of a defendant  
and the two of them heading towards the love hotel

they were my today's targets.

I have stalked them for the past week after I smelled a scoop.  
and eventually discovered their "plans".

* * *

 _Flashback_

"Here is you happyMeal boy"

"thank you"  
* _stp step step_

 _"_ free table!...but there are two loud adults near...  
guess I can't always win"

"are you sure it's safe to meet in public Akai?"

"don't worry dear one the process is over we can be together"

"yeah..Still we have appeared on TV people would pay ten of thousands Yen for a photo of us"

"aghdagdyu" (sound of a boy choking over a burger)

* * *

Then I studied the layout of the building they were going to meet.  
I paid a few homeless to make them book all the rooms of the hotel from telephone booths for me  
(Usually people don't let seven years old boys rent rooms).  
And cancelled the reservation for the room 20 C when my targets arrived in the hotel.

putting back in its place my notebook I encircled the building and reached the fire escape on the back;  
it was an old type similar to those people see in American movies.

"So now I have just to make this metallic stair go down and earn my money  
I said facing the high fire escape...I tried to smile, but the height of the stair demoralized me.

Following my plan I opened my backpack that, if I forgot to mention, was with a design of Pretty Cure and took out a rope.  
Of course, it wasn't a normal rope... it was a rope with a rock tied to its head!

"okay if that in the movie could do it I can to"  
I said starting to spin the rope .

the Idea was "I bound the handrail with my rope and pull down the stairs"  
once the rope was spinning fast enough I threw it towards the handrail of the metallic stair.  
the rock and the rope flew in the air pointing towards the stairs, but  
 _*tung  
_ I failed.

"Second attempt"

"Spin"  
"Throw"

Another failure

Third attempt

"Spin"  
"Throw"

Nearly

Fourth attempt

"Spin"  
"Throw"

"Yeah I did it!"  
I exclaimed

My rope had passed under the handrail then above it and had returned down, now I could pull down the stairs.

for a second I felt like a winner.  
Then I grasped tightly the two heads of my rope and pulled as hard as I could trying to make the stair descend.

*clang *clang

"Uh? Why is not coming down"  
I said studying the fire escape

There was a hook to block the stairs…crap

"Plan B."  
I said trying to remember which was the plan B

"Draw rope back"

Done

"Spin it"

Done

"Throw it on the handrail of the metallic platform of the first floor"

D...no

…

Done

"yeah third try"

"tighten the straps of the coolest backpack on earth"

Done

"Wear the coolest backpack on earth"

Done

"Tie one head of the rope around hips  
One bird flies around the sakura tree, goes under a branch and makes its nest."  
(Nijito's song to tie his shoes"

Done

"Grab the other head of the rope"

Done

"PULL!"

I exclaimed Using all the strength in my arms I began to pull the rope making my little body abandon the ground and rise towards the metallic platform

Argh*

"It hurts it hurts"  
I thought while the rope digged in my hips and the cut on my palm reopened.

(Now It has to be said that I was really fit and strong for a boy of my age, but climb a rope with a bleeding hand for two metres and half wasn't exactly easy)

"I can do it! I can do it!"

 _*slip_

"I can't do it! I can't do it!"

(In fact, I muttered this Shakespearian, sing-song of "can-s and can't-s" for my whole climb)

"af...af..d-d-done"  
I said after completing my first challenge of the day.

* * *

Following the rest of my plan I reached the platform of the third floor then walked for just one metre on a cornice wide fifteen centimetres and arrived in the perfect spot to take my pictures.

As it easy to understand leaving only the room 20 C available, was something I planned to make my job easier;  
first in this way I knew from the beginning in which room they would have "slept",  
second this was the easiest room to make incriminating pictures.

I had already two pictures of my target's "games" from yesterday night, but I couldn't photograph their faces clearly.  
So now I had to finish my job.

That morning I took four other pictures with my digital camera:  
In the first one the targets had just get up naked from the bed.  
In the second and third ones, the judge and the married woman were dressing up.  
In the fourth one they were leaving the room.

The fifth and last one was the trickiest to do, because I had to return in front of the love hotel before the targets arrived and catch the brief moment in which they exchanged a kiss on their lips.

"and with this my job is done"  
I said ready to receive my pay

* * *

"Oh kiddo is you!"

"Yes sir"

"ahah you are a quiet one aren't you?"

*nod

"Well, what have Two-san given you for me today?"

"What you asked him…a scoop"

*sound of pictures moving on the table, a very omnius sound

"Are these what I think they are?"

-Pictures of the court judge Akai and of the wife that man, Mikuto Ayumu, he was on the news the other day"

"Yes yes the man that stole various millions of yen from a company"

"YES IT WAS HIM!"

"suddenly cheerful..."

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't sweat over it, you forgot who was that man after Two-san told you right"

"Yes…"

"Well this Polaroid photos are an interesting premise."

"i-it's the usual.  
you accept pay for the photos and receive the digital versions that can be used on the journal"

"Yeah.. yeah I know...  
will be very lucrative"

"..."

"I accept  
Here is the usual payment in cash, 60.000 yen"

"Thank you  
here is the memory card"

"perfect!"

"ehm ehm"

"WHAT kiddo?"

"the last number"

"the last number oh tight the 10% of the last week number!  
really Two-san's photo had made my small scandalistic journal grow very fast in the past months.  
here other 50000 yen"

."Wrong there should be 99000 yen"

"How do yo…ahaha you got me, here take the money"

."Thank you, bye bye"

"Send Two-san my regards and close the door behind your back"

"Yes"

* * *

"Finally it's over, I really dislike that man; he is fat, bald, smell like an old cigarette, has all his teeth crooked and always try to steal my money.  
he is… is garbage"  
I thought coming out from a stinking office of an old building, in the bad part of my city.

"How did it go Ninsei-kun"  
a punky voice called me

"OH Right I'm called Ninsei here"  
I thought turning myself

"Well like usual he tried to steal some money"

I said dropping the shy and passive façade I used to talk with Nagumo-san, the owner of the place, and rising the façade of the child that tries to act mature I used with his secretary and niece Kuroi-kun.

"Really my uncle never changes."  
exclaimed the bottle blond teen

"Listen boya I'm going in lunch pause wanna join me"  
he asked obviously with an hidden intent.

"Sure why not"  
I responded aware that I had to agree.

The two of us went out from the dirty building, headed to a ramen-stand nearby we seated in front of the counter.

I went really really often to that ramen-stand so the kind owner bought a stoll with additional footrest in order to let me climb on that high chair without making fool of myself.

"Oji-chan a Tonkotsu Ramen"  
I screamed to the muscular old man behind the counter as Ninsei would do

"Make two"  
Added Kuroi-kun

"Aye two Ramen incoming"

Ah I loved Ramen, it was cheap, full of calories and with many proteins.  
the ideal food for a boy with little money like me.

"So how is Two-san Ninsei-kun"  
Asked me Kuroi pretending to be bored

"Right Two-san, my supposed mentor, the fake person I created"  
I thought recollecting my lies

"He is doing fine"  
I said drily

"No I mean what kind of person is he?"  
he retorted intensely

"Uh?"  
I hesitated

"Don't "uh" me brat, a good photographer that catch important people in the city in their darkest moment and send a six year"  
he pressed me

"Nearly eight"  
I cut him

"This is bad I have to be careful"  
I thought in those precious seconds I stole from the punk

"A nearly eight years old boy to deliver his pictures taken with a Polaroid is not just someone that likes anonymity.  
He must be someone important am I right?"  
Said the teenager happily, combing his spiky hair with his hands.

"Really!?"  
I exclaimed like any ordinary kid of my age would have done seeing a golden change to solve my problem

"Wait, why are you more surprised than me?  
You should know him"  
He blurted

"I have already told you.  
I have seen his face just once, he always wear some kind of disguise and he use me for dealing his pictures to your uncle."  
I said quietly

"If you say so…but really,you have never seen his face on newspaper, the news?"  
He continued annoyed

"I told you I have seen his face O-N-E T-I-M-E, besides I (do)n't read newspaper, I (do)n't see the news,  
I watch anime like any normal seven year old boy"  
I lamented sounding like an actor of a C series movie

"Okay suit yourself.  
I just can't understand why he spends so much effort to use a brat like you, no offence meant"  
Kuroi muttered playing with the silver piercing on his nose.

I never liked piercings.

"He knows I can't betray him because he knows that my family needs money."  
I responded to his words letting my voice soften and a bit of sadness rise from my guts

"He gave me this job and made me understand this is the best opportunity I will ever get.  
I deliver some pictures for him and receive easy money...  
everything without getting involved in bad situations.  
But one mistake and I'm done... he finds a new delivery boy"  
I lied

"Well, if you put your situations under this light it actually makes sense"  
The fake blonde said scratching his chin.

"But Two-san give pictures to other scandalistic journals right, "Idol stream" and "USC", do you also deliver photo to them?"  
He added

I shook my head

"No,I don't get pictures of Idol or restaurants.  
I just receive photos of financial and politic stuff.  
I wouldn't be surprised if Two-san sent other kids around my age to deliver pictures to those news paper though"  
I lied again.

really for me lying had become easier and easier.  
I just had to say a few fake things with the right voice and wait the other person to invent a story by himself .

"Again it makes sense... is just difficult to understand why he choose kid so young,  
none takes you seriously,  
a middle schooler would be more effective"

"I think that's why"

Bait

"why what?"

Here's the prey

"Why he choose kids like me; if he piss off someone and someone else come to talk with me wouldn't be taken too seriously"  
I said alimenting Kuroi's imagination

"Ohhh"

"Still someone, your uncle, might take advantage of my age and try to steal money, but that's where you come in to play Oni-san"  
I said handing to the teenager 15000 yen

Anf the hunt is over

"Ahahah that's right!  
To be honest when you said Two-san would have paid me to control he always received exactly his 10% I was confused, but receive money to prank my uncle is really the best"  
He said while two steaming bowl of ramen arrived in front of us

"Rejoice brat today, I-sama and Two-san will treat your lunch"

"Yeeee"  
I said digging in my bowl and mentally shaking my hand with me

* * *

The next two hours of my day went of quickly.  
I had no more photo to deliver that day so I reached the mall of my city and took a walk near some stores I knew local Idols frequented.  
I managed to snap a photo of Maki-chan and Nozome-chan, while they were trying cute outfits.

"Lucky!"

I always liked the mall it was there I snapped the first photo that made me receive money  
I began to walk around the various shop and bought a few items for my cameras.  
then it happened I had just laied my eyes on a writing " the new Pokemon movie in the theatr-

I wasn't able to read the end of the writing because an obese woman ran over me with her bag

 _*tung  
_ I fell on the ground and my head smashed against the floor.

* * *

 _Flashback sequence_

suddenly the world around me faded.

I found myself on the sofa of my house my parents were arguing and imotou-chan was sleeping in my arms.  
I remember that night like it was yesterday...  
it was an year and half ago, my parents had just dropped their jobs, they had began to spent more and more time on the workshop and a lot of strange items arrived in our home.

"WE HAVE NEVER DONE A PROJECT THIS BIG"

"BUT IT'S OUR LAST OCCASSION TO RISE UP FROM MEDIOCRICY"

"I'M THE HEAD OF THIS FAMILY!"

"AND I'M YOUR WIFE BUT THAT'S MEAN NOTHING NOW!"

"TO RESPECT THE DEADLINE WE WILL WORK TO DEATH"

"I'M TIRED OF BEING A THIRD RATE MAGUS ARENT YOU!"

"YES! I'M GODDAMN TIRED...I'm tired of not being never enough"

"..."

"let's do it"

"sure..."

"yeah, we are not doing it only for us...there is also her our daugther...she is incredibly talented  
she can become more than us"

"for her?"

"for her"

* * *

The images in front of me began to swirl around and this time I was on my bed.  
I was looking at illustrated books normal books and dictionaries.

for some reason I was feeling very tired, my eyes continued to open and close even if it was just afternoon

"10..."  
I slowly began to count looking at the scenery  
...I knew what was going to happen...

"9..."

this memory was from three months after my parents started their project...

"8..."

my sister was still with me

"7..."

and my parents still came out from the workshop once in a while

"6..."

but..

"5.."

strange blue letters started to arrive

"4.."

every day and they made mom and dad angry

"3."

I couldn't understand them, but I wanted to

"2."

I learnt by myself, to read and write I mean

"1"

they were bills my parents forgot to pay

 _*swoommmmn_  
with a strange sound light went missing.

I was scared and ran down in the livingroom, I had to warn mommy and daddy.  
…daddy came out from the trapdoor very angry, he didn't even watched me and went to pay the bills.

"I hate to see daddy angry."  
were the last words of my older self before the world around me changed again.

* * *

I didn't even to focus to recognize were I had been sent this time.  
it was the second time the electricity was cut from in my house, six months later than the first one.  
mom had already stopped to do all the chores, so I did all the jobs: cooking, shopping, cleaning, laundry, took imotou-chan to school paid all the expenses with her mom's card and began to drink coffee

then one night the lights didn't turn on.

Again daddy came out from the trapdoor angry

"FUCK IT'S TOO LATE"  
he screamed turning his head towards me.

his face was read and there were many veins pulsing on his forehead...  
for the first time in months my father was looking at me

"son..."  
he called me

"yes father"  
I quietly responded with my heart that was ready to explode

"tomorrow think about it"  
he said as he threw me his credit card and disappear again.

that night I didn't sleep, I read books the whole night using a torch; I wanted to complete the task daddy gave me, I wanted to make him proud.

after that night I managed to pay the bills with my parents cards for a few months but  
Seven months ago two red letters arrived at my home.  
they were filled with a lot of black difficult words; basically they said that the bank accounts of my parents were empty. I waited an entire day and night in front of the trapdoor to inform my parents, but when I explained the problem to my mom she said  
"deal with it"  
like it didn't mattered.

I stopped to go to school and began to do anything that could procure me money, I even learned how to pickpocket.  
I amassed money for a whole month and barely managed to pay the bill in time.

I had dealt with it.  
I had been a good boy.

Unfortunately, a night a blackout occurred in my neighbourhood while imotou-chan was sleeping and I was boiling some vegetables. It was dark, fortunately I was used to darkness because I always tried to use lights as small as possible during the evenings, but then dad came out from the trapdoor he was angry.

"please not this, please not this "  
I begged aware which was going to happen

"I hate to see dad angry."  
I said in monotone while a spiral of memories ran in my mind.

the memories of seven month ago.  
of the day

 **I was born**

* * *

*Slap

A hard hand hit my cheek while I was boiling vegetables

"ahhhhh"  
My head started spinning tears came out from my eyes

*Tung

I fell on the floor of the kitchen

"What have you done!  
I TOLD YOU TO DEAL WITH IT! "  
Dad screamed

"Nothing"  
I wanted to say but the word refused to came out from my mouth

"Aren't you enough of a failure already!"

Please stop I have done my best  
I began to sob

"You're useless!"

No, I have done everything, I have been a good boy, why do you say I'm useless.

*clang

I heard a metallic sound then It was a matter of seconds before a steaming pot fell on my hand.

"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"  
I screamed while the kitchenwas replaced by something else.

When I opened my eyes I wasn't on the floor of a dark kitchen anymore, I was laying on the golden sand of a bright desert.

"I'm again here...is it possible to have an hallucination in an hallucination"  
I thought watching that dry land from my younger self eyes.

at that time (and even now)I didn't know how I ended up there  
and frankly I didn't cared,  
I just wanted to give up  
to sleep,  
after all I was useless  
meaningless.

I stayed immobile for a long time, until the light of the sun started to come in my eyes then I lazily rose my left hand to protect them. It took me a while but after staring for a bit to my hand I realized my it had a disgusting scar on its back.  
I felt the urge to vomit.

But then a voice called me…it was a calm voice, a reassuring voice.

"Are you Sad"  
The voice kindly said

"Yeah"  
I responded

"Do you want to give up?"  
he asked

"Yes"  
I responded without hesitation

"Do you want to avert your gaze from this world?"

"Yes"  
again no hesitation

"Then what now?"

"Maybe I'm going to sleep.  
I'm very very tired, even with all the coffee I drink  
you see I have got two eye bags really big"  
I said trying to smile, but my lips refused to work

" Yes, I see, do you want me to help you sleep?"

"Please"

Then a person appeared  
he stood before me.

He looked familiar.

With careful steps he reached my side and leaned forward, his small hands caressed my hair, like my parents did, then he said

"Sleep"  
Clenghing his hands around my throat.

I immediately began to shake like a mad man trying to find air, but I couldn't free myself from my aggressor grasp.  
My lungs started to burn.  
my eyelids became incredibly heavy and tears came out from my bloodshot eyes.  
I knew I wouldn't win that fight,  
still  
I wanted to know who was attacking me  
I claimed every bit of strength left in my body and tuned my head towards my aggressor.

"So it was you"  
I whispered before my eyes closed.

"Yes it was me, me.  
Rest here Nijito, I will go on from here"  
I said staring at myself laying on the sand.

* * *

And that's how I was born  
A person created by another's one death

His road had now ended and mine had just begun.

*step *step  
I walked away from me

"I really am Ni (2)-jito now"  
I thought turning to watch the other me.

He and I looked the same, but he was tired, consumed by his short life, with a hand scarred and the eyes of a deathfish.  
while I was ready to fight.

"Sleep well me"

I said while the desert returned to be a kitchen.

 **That night a part of me died**

 **And a new part of me was born**

* * *

"boy are you okay?"  
asked me the obese woman that had ran me over lifting from the floor

"yes I'm fine"  
I responded taken aback by having returned to reality

"are you sure, you are crying"  
retorted the woman.

"really I'm fine"  
I said finally escaping from the woman grip.

Fortunately I managed to get away from the woman.  
with my eyes still wet I started to walk around the shopping centre trying to bury the memories I just revived.

 _*rrgrr  
_ I grunted trying to ignore the pain to my head and for some reason hand.  
I had to clear my head  
so I took a countless amount of steps making back and forth the whole building many times until my legs begged for rest.

"are you sleeping well Nijito?"  
I whispered suddenly stopping to work

* * *

 _Flashback_

"I ASKED YOU WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!"  
My father screamed.

"Nothing"  
I said with a voice so calm, that I could barely recognize as my own.

"There was a blackout the lights will return soon"  
I continued standing from the floor.

"Oh"  
Said my dad caught with his guard off

"Ah! What a mess! The floor is all dirty now, daddy please move, I have to clean, and while you're here take two instant ramen;  
the vegetables for tomorrow's lunch are ruined"

The day after, while I was watching the morning news a scoop caught my attention; "An Idol with a secret boyfriend". It was a simple scandalistic news that talked about an Idol, Misa Amane, her possible secret boyfriend, and a reward her fans had put together to discover whenever she in a relationship or not. In that moment I told myself "easy money" and suddenly run to search my mom's old Polaroid.

I knew Misa-chan she frequented my same groceries shop, always wearing a plain hat and an old pair of sunglasses.

I began to stalk her on a Friday  
(and no I wasn't the only one, there were many different fat and sweaty guys)  
at first it was difficult; she was good at moving between crowds and she was even better to hide her relationship. However one day after she managed to disappear from all the paparazzis and otakus radar, she went to a cozy café in my city's mall and met her boyfriend, greeting him with a kiss on the lips. Unfortunately, for her I was still following her.

 _*click_

One photograph and Two and Ninsei were born.

* * *

"Boy, boy you have been starring at that table for twenty minutes, are you okay ?"  
A man asked me

"Damn I had a flashback"  
I realized

"Yes sir sorry I was just thinking"  
I said trying to appear normal

embarrassed I moved away from that place, decided not to take any more photos that day.  
I walked beside the shop windows thinking "what to do" until I saw my reflection on a mirror.

I needed a second to understand that what I was watching was my relection;  
I was taller and with my hair longer than I remembered.

"Yeah it's more than a year that I don't have an hair cut, they have reached shoulder length… I could look like a girl, if I wore something else...Idea"  
I muttered studying my figure.

Clanded in my blue t-shirt two size bigger and green trouser nearly to tight, with my long messy black hair I really looked like a boy that had dressed on his own for the first time...  
but If wore something different and tied my hair…I could

"Yes I could create the perfect disguise, I'd be unrecognizable when I snap pictures."  
I said checking my wallet.

One hour later I had bought, a t-shirt with pink and white stripes, a blue skirt, pink leggings and white sneakers, I was destroyed, I mean look at the money I earned disappear in girl's clothes was really hard for me.

but even so I knew deep dow that create another identity was at the moment the only thing that kept me from thinking to that Nijito and me  
to keep me together

Unfortunately I didn't take my investment so well so I repeated myself "It will be worthy, It will be worthy" the rest of the afternoon and when I went to pay the bills... and to do the shopping.

I received a lot of strange stares

* * *

"It will be worthy, it will be worthy"

"Nijito-kun, are you okay"

"Oh yes, just eh… singing a song"

"Okay…so why did you come here for, little boy"

 _*sound of paper coming out from the coolest backpack ever_

"Bills!"

"Eh again, you always pay the bills for your parents?"

*nod nod

"They are busy, here the money"

"Well work is work after all. Sure your family spend a lot of money in bills, here the receipt"

"Thank you"

"so how is school?"

"Akemi-san I study at home you know that"

"Right how clumsy"

"Sorry I have to go , bye bye"

"Hey Akemi, it was still that boy"

"Yes, he is a curious one, isn't he"

"You can say that! he is indeed particular, but he is also very smart you know"

"Really?"

"Yeah the other month he came here to pay his bills and began to read my paper work"

"So…"

"He pointed out my mistakes, he was better than me at doing my job, and he is seven!"

* * *

I returned at home at 6 Pm, very early for my standard, so I put in the fridge all the food I bought, threw in my bedroom the girl clothes and my backpack, checked in the kitchen if my parents had done lunch, apparently no,  
and had a shower.

I still had time before dinner, therefore I came out from my house once more and went to the playground.  
I wanted to meet a few children older than me,  
they were all teppists or bullies, but they taught me many useful things like lock picking or pickpocketing.

"Look who's here, NI it's been a while buddy"

Said K the leader of the group, making turn other six boys in my direction

Façade of the arrogant and confident kid

"Ya now I had been busy doing stuff, and skipping school"  
I grunted

"Aahahaha I like this kid, hey Mochi isn't NI funny"

"Yeah K very funny"  
Discussed two boys around the age of fifteen

"Hey kiddo, high five"

Said the younger brother of K, J  
(yes I don't now, in which criteria the J is after the K but leave it be)

"Yo J"  
I said trying to hit his hand, but he enjoyed himself with stupid jokes so he moved the hand before I could hit it.

"OH COM'ON STOP WITH THIS GAME IS NOT FUNNY"  
I said trying to punch the guy.

Yes Trying

"lil' bro let NI-cchi go"

"Okay Ni-san"  
Said J letting my arms go.

"So any news"  
I Asked

"Nothing that interest you,"  
Said Mochi

"Really why don't you try me?"  
I retorted with a cocky grin

"Cheeky brat,  
if I told you Bakkin found a job"  
He said

"Well it doesn't interest me, but it explains why he isn't here.  
Did that tall asshole begun to deal drugs again?"

"No, he learned the lesson after the cops caught him.  
Now he delivers things for a big shot"

"What kind of things?"  
I asked puzzled

"To what he said mostly letters or small packages, he added that he is being paid 80000 yen at deliver but I don't believe him"

"Being paid 80000 to deliver a letter is insane!"  
I exclaimed hearing the insane amount of money my "friend" made

"I know right, he must have added a zero or two"

"…."

"…."

"Just to know, who's this big shot, he talked about"  
I asked out of pure curiosity...and doubt Bakkin might have started to deal with the wrong people

"I don't remember K which was the guy's name"

" Kori Yukinoshita"

* * *

 **And that's it the prologue of my first fanfiction.**

 **this will be a story very Shounen-like but if I can transimt my ideas in to decipherable words, I think something nice will come out**

 **I apologize if there are a few grammatic errors ,english is not my first language, (if you're so kind to point them out I will correct them or not ahaha).**

 **A few notes about this ff.**

 **First: I messed up with the time lines; the fifth holy grail war, should have been in 2004, now is in 2016, same for the fourth holy grail war that should have been in 1994 and now in 2006.**

 **But believe me time in this fiction is important.**

 **Second the protagonist of the story are 8man (17 years), Sieg (9 years /23 mentaly) and Shiro (17 years), sometimes they may seem a bit OCC, especially the latter two.**

 **Third Hachiman Ex machina, no…and before anyone comments no, he is not almity. I just say he is powerful under many aspects but, both his version, usual and servant, will fight insane opponents (all the other servants) that are ridiculously powerful.**

 **Fourth: why in the hell do I write something like this? Because I want to**

 **Fifth: like and subscribe…no, comment and follow the story if you like it.**

 **Sixth: even harsh comment are well accepted just with cognition of cause**


	2. The sword the Homunculus the Nightmare I

**CHAPTER ONE:**

 **EVENTUALLY THE HOLY GRAIL WAR BEGIN**

(but first a commercial)

* * *

Yes I know what are you thinking...

Assassin you fight awesome battles every day how can your hair be always so perfect?!

the answer...I use **Einzbern regenerate and protect with reinforcement crystals**.  
the new formula of the Einzbern family shampoo protect each hair from the root  
bye bye hair worn by curses and Noble Phantasm.

call now the 800 700 900 to order **Einzbern regenerate and protect with reinforcement crystals** and you will receive the official hairdryer of the Einzbern family with flamethrower incorporated.

I have a Holy Grail War to fight and my look has to be be always at the top.  
So  
I choose **Einzbern regenerate and protect with reinforcement crystals** and you?  
Which shampoo are you gonna choose?

Attention  
the repeated use of Einzbern regenerate and protect with reinforcement crystals can cause:  
Whitening of the hair  
developement of the scalp consciousness  
bad breath  
and  
death  
read carefully the instruction

 **This commercial was brought to you by the Einzbern family official sponsor of the Holy Grail War**

* * *

"how was that Einzbern-san?"

"GOOD HACHIMAN, BUT I WANT TO SEE MORE FIRE, MORE PASSION OH AND EXPLOSIONS IN THE BACKGROUND"

"What !?"

"YOU'RE RIGHT EXPLOSIONS ARE SO DE-MODE...LET'S GO WITH A TIMELAPS VIDEO IN BLACK AND WHITE OF YOU DURING A SHOWER OR SOMETHING"

"I don't want to be monotonous, but What!?  
by the way what's the price of the shampoo?"

"SILLY HACHIMAN, A SOUL OF COURSE EHEHE"

"I'm out of here"

*sound of a slammed door

"WAIT YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT"

* * *

THE SWORD I

"s..ro"  
"shi.."  
"SHIRO WAKE UP"  
a voice called me early in the morning. The air was chilly, and my back was aching

"I have slept again in the toolshed...when will I learn"  
I thought, while my brain slowly returned from the land of dreams.

"SHIRO ARE YOU AWAKE!?"  
continued the voice louder than before.

I struggled to open my eyes and to connect that voice to a face.

"Yes yes I'm awake, difficult to not be it with your screams...Taiga?"  
I said guessing the identity of my human alarm with my eyes still closed

"I'm not Taiga Fujimura I'm REVENGE"  
the voice...I mean Fuji-nee retorted with almighty tone.

"okay...Fuji-nee you're revenge...I 'm going to sleep other five minutes"  
I boredly responded to my guardian.

I didn't want to wake up, today I had no important classes, no part-time and judging from the cool air in the toolshed it was still very early...

"WAIT A MINUTE WHY IS TIGER HERE BEFORE SAKURA"  
I mentally screamed opening my eyes.

something horrible was going to happen.  
I could feel it under my skin.  
the situation itself was too much of an anomaly and that meant only one thing

 **bad news**.

My senses began to warn me of a danger chasing away the all traces of my slumber, my heart began to soundly pound as my blood vigorously flowed in my four limbs.

* _suiiun_  
a strange sound reached my ears.  
something was flying towards me, It took me a second to realize it was some kind of cilinder...four feet long I judged

"FIGHT!"  
screamed Taiga charging at me with another cylinder in her hand

I didn't need to think too much about what to do, my body just acted on its own; with one fluid movement I jumped on my feet and caught the flying cilinder in my right hand.

"It's light"  
I realized slashing my weapon against Fuji-nee's one

*tung  
a hollow noise resounded as our two cylinder clashed.

"Good Shiro! Now show me your power"  
said Fuji-nee with mocking voice while just our "swords" divided us...Actualy those swords were rolled up poster of a 100 yen shop

"What is wrong with you? Assaulting me with a poster in the morning are you crazy...or drunk?"  
I asked confused, angry, sleepy and...I have already said confused.

"AHAHA QUESTION ARE FOR WEAKLINGS SHIRO AND  
NO!  
I'M NOT DRUNK "  
screamed the..."adult" stepping back and gripping the poster like a kendo sword

"really why can't you be a normal person"  
I muttered at the failure of diplomacy .

mimicking Taiga I assumed a fighting stance and rose my poster.  
Apparentely I had to fight for...reasons...I guess

" well at least she didn't attacked me with a metal pipe...again"  
I thought fixing my eyes on Fuji-nee "sword"

(A/N to aliment this no-sense listen to "You say run" My Hero Academy ost)

"WAAAAAAAAA!"  
she roared beginning the battle and slashing her poster towards my left shoulder.

"RRRRRAAAAAAA"  
I responded rising my weapon to parry her attack

*tung  
the posters clashed and incredible but true, I nearly lost the grip of my weapon. Taiga even with a sword made of paper could strike with fearsome power

"Okay the situation might be a little more serious than I thought"  
I whispered dodging and parring all the incoming slashes of the Tiger.

She was like an hurricane. Attacks kept coming from every possible direction and I was unable to do anything else than defend myself and losing ground against this skilled opponent.

*tung  
*tung  
*tung  
*tung  
*tung  
*tung

tens of those hollow sounds echoed in the toolshed as I and Taiga clashed.  
head, arms, shoulder, legs and torso, there wasn't a single part of my body safe from that tiger's fury; her swordmanship was precise and flawless while mine was clumsy and inexperienced. I kept falling in her feints and I couldn't manage to do a proper strike  
It was clear for anybody who saw us that the Tiger had the upper hand, her poster was cutting through the air like a real sword storming on me with an insane amount of slashes and thrusts.

"This is bad I'm getting cornered"  
I thought in the heat of the battle while my poster continued to clash against my guardian's one

"You're no match for me!"  
roared the woman unleashing another storm of attacks

"DO NOT UNDERSTIMATE ME!"  
I responded overly involved in the fight and decided to back off anymore

Swing to the head. Intercept.

To the tights. Dodge.

To the waist, Dodge again.

To the left arm, parry.

To the right arm, parry once more.

Thrust in ribs.

"fuck!"  
I muttered as I failed to keep up with Taiga's hits

Slash to the right shoulder

to the waist

Thrust to the chest.

Taiga continued to mercilessly attack me like a storm.

"ULTRA SUPER DUPER MEGA ALPHA OMEGA TIGER SLASH!"  
spitted out that monster unleashing a devastating comb-

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH"

[CENSORED THE WHOLE SCENE IS TOO BRUTAL]

Then after she had abused of my poor body for nearly two consecutive minutes I fell on my knees heavily breathing.  
my body was aching everywhere, my brain was wondering how a poster made of paper cold hurt so much and my right hand let its grip loose on my trusted sword

I had been defeated.

"do you surrender?"  
Asked me that odious woman pointing her poster on my throat .

"not yet"  
I thought while the image of that demon evilly grinning flashed in my brain

...I was there on the ground she only needed one last strike to end that fight, but no, she didn't just want to win...she wanted to shame me to make me admit I have been defeated by her.

"Shiro Emiya do not play following these rules"  
I told myself tightening my grip around the poster

"your answer Shiro"  
Taiga said again sure about her victory.

"n..t..e.."  
I whispered quietly to confuse her

"What?"  
she asked puzzled

"I said NOT YET"  
I screamed standing and swinging my poster one last time towards my opponent's face.

"the victory is mine"  
I thought looking in the eyes of Fuji-nee.

Unfortunately... my action had been seen through.  
When my last slash started the Tiger was ready.

With a swift movement of her wrist she intercepted my weapon and disarmed me

"Naive Shiro..."  
she whispered making me lose all the hopes I had as the time slowed down.  
the only things I saw at the end were the muscles of Fuji-nee tensed and the empty sound of my lost weapon in my ears

"AND NOW DIE"  
the woman screamed hitting my face with her sword.

"Kiritsugu I am sorry"  
were my last thoughts

before  
"AHHHH IT HURTS DAMMIT"  
the poster bent around my temples

"Oh yes!  
the Tiger of Fuyuki strikes back!  
you're ten years to early to challenge me !"

* * *

(ten minutes later)

"ahahahah you should have seen your face Shiro hahahahahah"  
began to laugh like an idiot Taiga while I was preparing breakfast

"you were all NOT YET! ahahah but I kicked your butt ahahah"  
she continued as small tears came out of her eyes.

"ah ah ah...it's not funny"  
I retorted annoyed and blushing

"by the way it's possible to know why did you come here to assault me?"  
I asked to Fuji-nee while the sound of bacon frying teased my appetite

"IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU ALL THE SCHOOL KNOWS THAT STUPID NICKNAME"  
she exploded

"you mean Tiger?"  
I asked bringing to the table three dishes full of a proteic breakfast on the table.

"YES!  
oh eggs and bacon"  
responded the woman switching mood in front of the food

"Oh that's right, I'm sorry"  
I uncaringly said starting to eat

"Ywo bewwer be"

"please swallow before you talk. But really did you really came here just for a petty revenge?"

"It's not petty, but no I came for another reason"  
said the woman dressed with a green striped yellow shirt and a green jacket.  
(after she had finally swallowed)

"Thank god, I hate when the pieces of food in her mouth reach me"  
I thought

"First :I came here because I'm going to take to the station the exchange student  
Second to tell you to go in the principal office before lunch break for meeting him  
Third to warn you that he will have all his luggages with him so he might need an hand or two"  
she explained sounding mature

but I knew the real reason

"and Fourth to grab breakfast"  
I added viciously

"why you always point this things out"  
the woman muttered puffing her cheeks

Really she was such a baby sometimes.

* * *

After Fuji-nee gave me those information she quickly finished her breakfast. That is a kind way to say she dismembered bacon and eggs like a lion do with its prey. Then she flew away from the house jumped on her scooter and disappeared in a cloud of smoke to reach the station.

"I wonder if she realize that the exchange student is carrying the luggage to live outside home for an entire month"  
I thought hypothesizing how they would have survived on the way to school.

"well is going to be fine"  
I told myself beginning to clean the kitchen to kill time until Sakura arrived.

Today was a cloudy Friday of february and I have to admit I was quite anxious after all today I was going to meet the person I would have lived with for the next month.  
So in my head I was doing a list of things I hoped he didn't do

"chew with the mouth open"  
"sing under the shower (I'm the only one that can do that)"  
"cook better than me"  
[...two hundred things later]

"Oh and he can't be taller than you"  
said Fridge-kun through my hand

"You're right!"

"Senpai who are you talking to?"  
a voice called me...It was Sakura and she was rising an eyebrow

"oh Sakura I didn't hear you coming"  
I kindly said ignoring her question and smiling

"please sit down breakfast is ready"  
I added while in my mind...

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  
When did she get here?  
is she a ninja?  
I should put a bell on her"

* * *

Sakura's mind part 5

"does he know I have arrived since he said  
cook better than me  
Right?

really senpai sometimes remain closed in his bubble of thoughts  
he didn't even realized I took 27 photos of him...*click  
28  
on my smartphone today

maybe it's better if I change my password from 1234 to something more...  
sophisticated

like 1235

Oh bacon!

*click  
29"

* * *

"so senpai today is the day"  
told me Sakura happily tasting her eggs

she had a few leftovers on her cheecks...so clumsily cute

"Yeah I'm bit scared to honest"  
I said while my hands began to search unconsciously for a napkin

the past evening I had what people call a change of mind. "Have a complete stranger that can discover my secret around home for a month...no thank you"  
but I had give my word to Fuji-nee and It was too late now... so I had to go with the flow  
yet deep in my heart  
I..  
I  
I hoped that Taiga's scooter scared the hell out of the exchange student and made him run away

"why ?"  
asked the girl putting her index on her lips

"well first of all it might be difficult to get along and you know while I try to be always polite I have a few quirks that people can find annoying"  
I said with an ironic smile avoiding to introduce the topic "I'm a magus ya now"

"don't worry senpai it's going to be fine. To me even with a few weird traits you're always perfect"  
the kind girl said deeply blushing

"thanks Sakura now all my worries are gone"  
I responded smiling embarrassed and leaning forward.

I and Sakura were seated on two opposite sides of the table and as I began to bend my back towards her Sakura did the same.  
We kept to close the distance between us in our eyes there was some kind of magnetic attraction I couldn't escape.

"A little more a little more"  
I thought while Sakura's face was moving forward...for some reason the face of the girl was progressively becoming redder and redder, but most important why was she rippling her lips ?

"okay now"  
I told myself doing my move

* * *

Sakura's mind part 6

"It's happening  
all neurons ready it's happening

I knew my subtle confession would have worked  
ALL MY NOTICE ME SENPAI HAVE FINALLY WORKED

now give those lips  
GIVE THEM TO ME

wait...what the fuc-"

* * *

"and now you are clean"  
I said passing a napkin on Sakura's face

"you were dirty on your cheeks"  
I explained to a...contritely Sakura.  
her face was kind of paralysed in a grimace while her left eye was twitching; like it was trying to send a message in morse

"point ...line...point  
w-h-y s-e-n-p-a-i w-h-y  
it must be a coincidence..."  
I thought while my cute kohai's brain stopped to have multiple short-cuts

"okay if you have done with breakfast  
I guess we can go to school"  
I happily said

"...not your time yet Sakura calm down, calm down...even the smallest river can carve a canyon"  
the girl muttered following me with mechanical movements.

* * *

 _MEANWHILE_

"Hold tight Hikigaya-kun"

"you're joking right?"

"NOPE"

"I have at least 120...I mean 20 kilo worth of stuff with me"

"SO?"

"..."  
*vroom

"I want to go back in CHIBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

* _DRINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN_

"okay students is lunch pause your free"  
Said Fujimori-sensei my science teacher after a long morning of lesson

"thank God"  
I muttered as my teacher's prophetic words made me reborn from that state of semi-ataraxy I fell into every friday after a whole week of school.

That Friday (if you don't count the unexpected wake up spar) had been an extremely boring day.  
Nothing new happened just the same classes with the same people.  
and don't get me wrong I generally "like" classes and the people of my class but in this period was coming Saint Valentine.  
all the chatter of my class was only about who was going to confess and about who was going to be rejected...  
I was pretty sure people made bets on the latter topic.  
but to me Saint Valentine meant something else...an insane amount of obligatory chocolate from all the clubs I helped.

"Oh no... what a nightmare..."  
had said Issei sarcastically when I exposed the problem  
But he didn't understand one thing their chocolate sucks  
and when I say sucks I mean really, it's disgusting.  
It didn't matter whenever the chocolate was bought or handmade  
it was ALWAYS horrible.  
And even with all the good intentions I couldn't bring myself to be happy about diabetic bars of cocoa or bitter masses of butter.

"But did I ever trash something ?  
NO  
I ate everything because that what true heroes of justice (or people that have just broke up with their boy/girlfriend) do"

* * *

Sakura's mind part 7

"AND HERE WE FUCKING ARE IN THE MOST DANGEROUS PERIOD OF THE YEAR  
do I have everything to ruin the chocolate masses of bitches give to MY senpai

burned sugar  
check  
sour butter  
check  
and my favorite  
lemon  
check.

* * *

Separing myself from the rest of my classmates  
I quietly walked towards the principal's office nervously whistling a tune I came out with on the spot  
(Brave shine)

I was tense, more than I would have allowed myself to say. I knew that with a person under my roof whenever I tried to train I there was the chance of my secret being discovered.

"Maybe I should just resign myself and drop my training for a month"  
I whispered uncertain

I already was a sorry excuse for a mage so the idea of stopping training didn't appeal me too much.  
Many doubts and questions crowded my head when I finally reached the door of office of the principal;

"Okay Shiro com'on you can do it open this simple green door with a metallic handle."  
I couldn't do it, all my instincts just told me to walk away...but no I was going to become an hero of justice so...

"I faced the Tiger of Fuyuki I can accept a stranger in my house"  
I slowly extended my hand repeating myself this spell

Surprisingly it totally calmed me...

"better be discovered than face Taiga?"  
I thought noticing that beside the door there were two blue trolleys and a silver briefcase.  
the exchange student was already here

"Oh He survived Taiga's scooter, god...damn Taiga you had one job, scare the guy was it so difficult?"  
I muttered annoyed

I finally knocked the door of the principal filled with both "curiosity" and "optimism"

*knock  
*knock

"please come in"  
responded the professional voice of the principal Mrs Yurishina...don't be fouled by the appealing surname she was a stocky woman in her fifties

"Good morning"  
I introduced myself entering in the room furnished only with green stuff (...really there were at least 37 different shades) a.k.a the principal's office.

"ah Emiya-san I was beginning to think you got lost"  
said the woman

"I'm sorry"  
I responded politely looking around the office.

besides the principal there were other two people in the office:  
One was Fuji-nee and the other was a boy of my age: with messy black hai-  
"are those twigs!"  
I thought watching who I supposed was Hikigaya Hachiman.

it must have been a tough day for him...his hair were filled with leaves and twigs like he crashed in a bush while his school uniform composed of a white shirt and a black blazer was all crumpled.

"please take seat "  
esorted me the principal

so with slow steps I went to seat beside Fuji-nee and the exchange student throwing to my sisterly figure the "What have you done?" stare.  
that of course she brushed of with a ignorant smile.

"Now Hikigaya-san allow me to introduce you Emiya Shiro.  
you will stay with him for the next month"  
said the principal pointing at me.

acting on reflex I turned my head towards the other boy in the room.

"Hikigaya Hachiman nice to meet you"  
he said slightly bending his neck towards me while our eyes met

the only thought that surged in my mind was "hurray...another Matou Shinji"

"Emiya Shiro the pleasure is mine"  
I responded automatically staring right in the poker face of that Hikigaya Hachiman.

for a moment I felt my breath stuck in my lungs.

He was...strange  
not in the sense his face was deformed or anything, he was pretty ordinary from that point of view he just his lineaments a bit sharper than normal people.  
What made me think he was strange  
were his eyes.

They were like Kiritsuku's  
Dead  
Dull  
And looked like they saw the world as nothing mattered

yet...  
YET

they seemed how can I say different than my latter father's one in a way I couldn't describe...maybe it was just the enormous eye bags he had, sign of countless sleepless nights

"so let's start with logistic information Hikigaya-san as you know[...BORING STUFFFFFFFF ]  
The headmistress began to explain all the information we needed to know about he exchange project.

Hikigaya listened the whole time maintaining an expressionless face, that was quite contrasting respect to his messy outfit.

* * *

 _(twenty minutes later)_

"And for now that's it enjoy your lunch pause"  
concluded the president sending me and Hikigaya out of her office.

both of us came out of the office and for two awkward seconds none of us spoke...

"okay say something...anything...just say it! Emiya!"  
I told myself.

"S-"

"Emiya would you mind to show me the way for the cafeteria"  
the boy said before I could began my brilliant discourse

(He had planned only the first "So")

"Sure follow me "  
I said easy going gesturing to the boy to follow me.

we quickly began to walk for the school hallways while a few students began to whisper as they saw Hikigaya's uniform  
they easily realized he wasn't from our school.  
Nothing out of ordinary here.

Unfortunately Hikigaya didn't seem familiar with the attention of casual students, to someone less attentive to details the bored expression of Hikigaya didn't show any emotion but, while the muscles of his face were pretty much immobile his eyes were carefully studing everything around him.

"tell me Hikigaya do you have any hobby ?"  
I asked me to make conversation, and to avoid that Hikigaya became overly conscious of the other people stares.

"reading, I'm quite a reader"  
he responded with rasping voice forgetting about the other students

"and you Emiya?"  
He asked

"I like to cook and ...  
I think cooking is my only hobby"  
I said uneasy realizing I was really bad at making casual conversation with someone I just met

"Really?  
I suppose I will taste your cooking at least one time during this exchange"

"I think it would be more than just one time...I live alone so I always cook all the meals"

"Don't you live with Fujimura-sensei?"

"Eh...no  
while she is my legal guardian we are not blood related..."

"..."

"she lives in her own house...while I live in my latter father's one  
but don't worry that woman spend more time in my own than her own so it's rare not having her around the house."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to be indelicate"

"don't worry"  
I said concluding the conversation that from casual had become awkward.

"yare yare good grief me"  
I thought entering in the cafeteria

the whole room was filled with students and even with my sharp eyes I could find a single table free.

"Am I forgetting something"  
I thought pointing at Hikigaya the various vending machine for the drinks, the sandwiches and for the meal tickets.

"so what you'd like to eat ?"  
I asked to the boy that was intensely staring at the drinks vending machine

"I will go to buy a yakisoba pan...  
my stomach is a bit closed after...the travel to the school"  
said Hikigaya gradually growing paler

"Fuji-nee what have you done!"  
I wondered watching at Hikigaya's anemic face.

* * *

 **the incredible journey of Taiga and Hachiman**

" Lower you head HIKIGAYA"

"WHAT!?"

*tree branch

* * *

"why don't you go to buy two drinks while I grab the sandwiches?  
Then we can meet here...OH NOW I REMEBER !  
I'm supposed to take you to the student council room for lunch  
so you can meet the student president!"  
I said to Hikigaya that with a simple nod accepted and went on his way.

"Quite the reader, but not the talker uh?"  
I muttered while he moved away

and so I went to buy my and Hikigaya's lunch.  
without even realizing that I didn't told him which drink I wanted.

* * *

after we finally ended to buy our food the two of us headed towards the student council room

"I can't believe it three vending machine for drinks and not a single MAX COFFEE"  
Hikigaya muttered tightly grasping in his hand the yakisoba pan and a generic can of coffee

"wow he must be pretty into that drink to get angry when he can't find it"  
I thought watching a web of veins pulse on his forehead.

"here we are!"  
I cheerfully exclaimed point the student council room.

"thank god we arrived in time"  
I muttered scared of the murderous intent Hikigaya was emitting

"ah Emiya you're finally here"  
said Issei in front his half-finished bento

"Sorry there were a lot of people in the cafeteria today"  
I came out with a plausible excuse

" Well it's not a problem..ah you must be the exchange student"  
stood up Issei walking towards the door

"Nice to meet you I'm the student council president my name is Ryuudou Issei"  
He professionally introduced to Hikigaya bowing a bit

"Hikigaya Hachiman"  
responded the exchange student with a small nod.

without further delay the three of us took a seat and began to eat

* * *

the lunch was progressing quietly

"ah lemonade my favorite drink"  
I thought sipping from my can the sour sweet juice while Issei and Hikigaya were discussing about school related topic.

in this moment Issei was interrogating Hikigaya about his school.  
apparently he came from a private highschool that required to pass a tough entrance exam to be allowed to attend.

"So all the students must be pretty smart"  
said Issei doing the reflection thing with his glasses

"...How did you do that..  
I-I mean actually no...in my school there is plenty of dumb people,  
but they were admitted because they lived within a determined area"  
Hikigaya pointed out with a scoffing grin

"That's so...  
and how is your student council"  
my friend asked hiding behind a polite voice a burning challenge

"It sucks"  
simply retorted Hikigaya after a moment of recollection

"YES! I mean oh...why so?"

"Let's say that this year's election for the student president were a bit...forced"  
Hikigaya muttered cryptically ignoring Issei outburst

"please define"

"please another question"

"..."

"..."

"Fine  
have your eyes got any problems?"

"...and there we go...  
NO  
MY  
EYES  
ARE  
FINE"

"ok...wrong question  
Are you part of any club? besides the Archery club of course"  
resigned Issei

"The Service club and...I'm not part of the Archery club"  
Hikigaya with his usual bored tone biting his sandwich

"WAIT YOU AREN'T PART OF THE ARCHERY CLUB!"  
I screamed overreacting while the casual conversations about archery I prepared during lunch turned out to be useless

 _*Swallow_

"Good he doesn't speak with food in his mouth"  
I thought

(1 point out of 215 check)

"nope I became part of the exchange project because there were no volunteers"  
He said uncaring

"Relax Emiya.  
he is just in the same situation as you"  
retorted Issei about my earlier explosion

"Uh?  
You're not part of the Archery"  
said confused Hikigaya in a diametral opposite fashion compared to me

"Eheheh no...I'm not part of the Archery club anymore  
I dropped out an year ago after I injured myself."  
I explained

"...okay...so you're not the student that is coming in my house next month"  
asked Hikigaya directing his dull eyes towards my face

"No I'm not"

"but you're the one hosting me right?  
let me guess  
the teacher in charge of the project forgot about it...she couldn't find anyone able to host me in time  
and you got caught in the crossfire"  
said Hikigaya while his dull eyes assumed a wicked light

"That's awfully specific...and how do you know it's a she"  
I questioned

"Your guardian when is anxious mutter disconnected phrases,  
when we were heading in the principal office she was pretty anxious...  
I just collected all the pieces of -Bless shiro- and -I forgot... the principal is going to kill me-"  
he said quietly

"That woman ..I apologize for her behavior"  
I muttered ashamed

"switching topics what's this Service club your part of"  
Issei said forcing himself in the conversation

Really that guy hated to be cut out from conversations.

"Nothing special; it's a club that helps people when they come with a request"  
Hikigaya explained drily

"Ah the club right for you Emiya"  
Issei commented

"I dunno maybe"

"Why you say so Ryuudou?"

"Well Hikigaya you must know that Shiro Emiya here is the next door's boy of this school.  
He's the one that repairs all the equipments of all the clubs whenever he has free time"  
the president said like I was some kind of tool exposed in a commercial.

* * *

Eventually the lunch pause ended.

me and Issei headed towards the class 2-c while Hikigaya attending the human studies course in his school had to go in the class 2-A.  
Tohsaka's and Mitsuzuri's class to be clear...

"who knows if she has asymmetrical twintails today."  
I thought about Tohsaka leaning on my desk

"she probably is going to offer to show him around and...  
WAIT IS HE IN CLASS WITH MITSUZURI  
she is going to use him to reach me  
her gremlins..."  
I reflected reaching a terrible truth.

my heart skipped a beat

"naaaa it's not like she is that desperate to bring me back in the club"  
I didn't even know how wrong I was

* * *

 _Meanwhile_

"okay Hachiman you face terrible dangers everyday  
you can decently introduce yourself in front of a mass of dumb teenagers"

"Welcome your new classmate"

*step step

"Good afternoon I'm Hikiman Hachigaya"

 _ **DAMMIT**_

* * *

As my desire to go home grew the classes of the afternoon slowly came to an end.  
I had carefully planned all the school tour for Hikigaya...plus a few excuses in case Mitsuzuti tried to tag along

*driiinnnnnn  
the sound of the school bell gave me the only signal I needed.  
putting all my material in my school bag quickly I came out from my class tagging along with Issei and reached the entrance were I was supposed to meet Hikigaya.

Issei and I had to wait five minutes before he arrived with his back slightly bent forward, silent feet and hands in his pockets, his signature pace in other words

"sorry I'm late"  
he said emotionless like usual

"Lost in the school"  
I joked

"not exactly..."  
he muttered

"What do you mea-"

"THERE YOU ARE!"  
screamed Ayako Mitsuzuri's voice

"forget my question, I get it"  
I said watching the earlier mentioned girl run across the school entrance waving in her right arm...

"Is that Tohsaka!?"  
outbursted Issei interrupting my accurate description

yeah Mitsuzuri was waving in the air Rin Tohsaka like flag

"Tsundere arketype and crazy girl incoming  
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE"  
exclaimed Hikigaya as I saw for the first time show an emotion different from "..."

Without realizing it Issei and I wisely choose to follow Hikigaya's advice and began to run all around the school complex

(enjoy ten seconds of Running in the 90's)

"up the stairs"

"left"

"right"

"down the stairs"  
I dictated direction to escape from our huntress

"Thank God I planned Hikigaya's tour"  
I thought aware that if I haven't revised the layout of the school Mitsuzuri would have already caught us

"Hey Emiya it's not like you have the idea of joining back to the Archery club?"  
Asked me Hikigaya still running.

so Mitsuzuri had really assaulted him

"at this point I even might"  
I responded with nearly no air left in my lungs

"REALLY !?"  
exclaimed Mitsuzuri coming out from the corner in front of me with a green Tohsaka in her right hand.

"AH?"  
"AH?"  
"AH?"  
Issei, I and Hikigaya said braking suddenly

"How did ..."  
"It's a nightmare"  
"What the fuc-"  
was probably the only three possible thoughts in our mind

for ten seconds no one dared to speak until

"Ayako where am I?"  
a nauseated groan of Rin Tohsaka calmed everyone

* * *

"So Tohsaka offered to show Hikigaya the school, he said there was already Emiya for the job but then Mitsuzuri grabbed Hikigaya and Tohsaka seeing the chance to come after Emiya.  
Understanding the situation Hikigaya managed to escape from Mitsuzuri's grasp and reached me and Emiya, but Mitsuzuri had yet to give up and began to chase us.  
I have summed up everything"  
said Issei after the five of us peacefully gathered in front of a random class.

"yeah pretty much"  
agreed Tohsaka

"So...now do everyone agree to show around Hikigaya without training for the Olympics this time"  
I carefully said

"fine to me "  
"I had already offered"  
"Actually I...(intense stares )...oky"  
"It's not like I have a choice"

agreed in their own way Issei, Tohsaka, Mitsuzuri and Hikigaya, he was really a sunray...

* * *

the next half hour we spent it doing the official tour of Fuyuki's highschool  
showing to the new student all the corners of the place while he muttered something about "his new lunch spot".

"we are back at the entrance and so I think that we have done  
Good work everyone"  
said Issei putting the word end to the tour of the school and going to conclude his council president duties

"well I think I shall take my leave as well"  
said Tohasaka turning her heels

" good Idea"  
added Mitsuzuri leaving me and Hikigaya alone...

The two of us bathing in a few rays of warm light took a few breaths.

"So what you think about this school?"  
I asked watching an indeterminated point

"It's too soon to make a fair judgment, but...Nice. It seems a quiet place or at least...quiter than my highschool  
After all there are about half the students here"  
Hikigaya responded staring at the nothingness while a few shades of bitterness coloured his voice.

and so we remained another full minute like that; in front of the entrance kissed by golden light thinking about anything that ran in our minds  
Until

"Hikigaya what are we staring at?"  
I asked tired of that too peaceful silence

"I don't know I was about to ask you the same"  
he responded with bored tone.

"shall we go to take in my home your luggages?"

"Fine...just no more scooters"  
He responded re-assuming an anemic face.

Without saying anything else we turned around and began to walk taking by Hikigaya's request the long way the passed in front all the vending machine of drinks.

"I can't believe that in the whole school there isn't a single can of Max Coffee.  
Why people do not understand its greatness"  
the dark haired boy muttered angrily.

"You're really into it uh?"  
I asked amazed by how a simple drink could influence so much the mood of this boy

"You can say it...I will just buy it in a convenience store"  
He scoffed..giving just a second of his attention

"Maybe it won't even be necessary, usually the vending machines have MAX COFFEE  
it's just a coincidence that there wasn't any today."  
I tried to calm him with a strained smile

"if you say so..."

"yeah yeah besides it's not like somebody stole all the canned coffee of the city"

* * *

"Assassin were have you been?"

"To do the shopping Ruler"

"without your wallet...?"

"..."

"And why there is a truck outside?"

"Master I can explain..."

"Sure you will old man...but first Jeanne please give this Servant a napkin  
he is dirty of coffee"

* * *

"okay we can go "  
said Hikigaya carrying one trolley in each hand plus his silver briefcase under the right armpit

"What are you saying let me give you a hand"  
I exclaimed extending my left arm towards the silver briefcase

"WAIT this no!"  
outbursted Hikigaya

"okay...what about one of the trolley"  
I re-offered smiling and thinking  
"What hell is wrong with him...there must be something very delicate inside."

"..fine..damn riajuu aura"  
he muttered handing over the trolley.

"he doesn't likes to receive help uh"  
I commented in my brain as general identikit of Hikigaya was being formed in my mind.

and to be clear it wasn't exactly positive:

while I was sure he was a smart and polite person  
to me Hikigaya seemed the kind of person that minded only to his own business...not something wrong per se.  
But something that brought him to be a loner. He didn't talk to anyone except if he had to or if it was just common politeness .  
When we passed beside a girl that had just dropped a few books... he completely ignored her while I stopped to help her.  
And last but not least, from a few of the muttered comments Hikigaya did when he thought I couldn't hear him like  
"Fucking Riajuus why this tour is taking so long"  
or  
"Shit I just want to sleep"  
I discovered a terrible thing... Hikigaya was a lazy ass.

* * *

For the next fifteen minutes both Hikigaya and I walked without speaking a single word  
our small journey was quiet, the light of the day had almost faded out and the road was practically empty.

only Hikigaya, I, 6 or 5 kids playing with a ball and a few sporadic cars animated the lonely residential street.  
nothing could go wrong except...

"OH SHIT!  
Hikigaya is my polar opposite in a tons of aspects"  
I realized, beginning to think that maybe living together with him wasn't going to be as easy as I imagined.

"what if he team up with Fuji-nee"  
I thought as my teeth began to tremble and my feet stopped to move...

"Oh com'n Shiro you're just over thinking things, you have known this guy for four hours?"  
I told myself returning to walk.

"just to know is your home still far"  
asked Hikigaya heavily breathing.

"naa we are here. It's right behind this corner"  
I answered easy going

"He doesn't seem to be good at sports"  
I mentally added to my mental identikit seeing Hikigaya on the verge of collapsing.

judging by his face a person could have imagined he had walked all the way up to here, carrying insanely heavy luggage. But I was carrying with me one of his trolley and...it was pretty light

"Maybe I'm just too strong"  
I told myself joking.

Then something I couldn't predict happened.  
Hikigaya and I were just about to turn the corner when the ball of the kids beside us bounced in the middle of the road..  
it had slipped away from the hands of one them.  
A pure coincidence.  
of course the immediately chased it.  
but at the same time a car was passing in the road.  
another coincidence.

Unfortunately those two innocent coincidences were the perfect recipe for a tragedy.

I didn't had to think, I acted out of pure instinct.  
letting go everything I had in my hands my feet began to dash towards that kid in danger.  
my heart was pumping every single cell of blood at maximum speed in my body.  
I had always been a nice athlete and for this reason I was confident about my speed...yet

It wasn't enough...

"I won't reach her"  
I thought while the world around me slowed down

I wasn't enough

"why I'm so powerless"  
I asked myself not ready to see an innocent I couldn't protect

I prepared for the worst.

but fortunately I didn't have to.  
because Hikigaya faster than I ever could threw away the precious silver briefcase and the trolley he held in his hands to run towards the kid.  
his movements were fluid and lightning fast, he dashed between the car and the kid, that couldn't have been more than 8 and

(HE STOPPED THE CAR BARE HANDED PARASYTE STYLE...no)

spinning on himself he caught under his left arm the little girl, put his right hand on the hood of the car and pushed himself away with the kid.  
*tung  
they crashed on the ground with a dull sound

"HIKIGAYA! "  
I screamed reaching him and the girl that had began to cry

"I'm fine don't be so loud"  
he said standing up and brushing off some dust.

I must say that for a moment I was taken aback  
this was the first time Hikigaya Hachiman had talked to me without a quiet veil of politness

"Hey kiddo"  
he grunted shaking the girl in his arms while a small crowd gathered around him.  
the friends of the girl, the driver of the car and a few people of every age that came out from the houses around the street.  
They had probably been alarmed by my scream

" Oi kiddo if you're not hurt tell me where otherwise stop crying"  
Hikigaya asked the child like some kind of general

"waaaaaa"  
responded the child volubly

"okay Hikigaya he was scare-"  
I tried to peacefully approach the situation

 _*dsk ( silence Imotou chop)_

yet I was cut off by the sound of Hikigaya's hand karate chopping the head of the kid

"Ouch oni-san!"  
finally talked the kid still

"are you hurt?"  
asked no...demanded an answer Hikigaya in a strange fashion...it was like he was anxious, but calm at the same time

"N-n-no"  
stuttered the child

"SO why. are. you .still. crying."  
continued Hikigaya making the girl brush hes reddened eyes (that for some reason were always nearly closed) with the sleeves of her jacket.

"good"  
the dead-eyed boy muttered softing his voice to an incredible level...  
for some reason it reminded me of a spoon filled of golden honey, sweet but truly enjoyable only if accompanied by something bitter like dark chocolate

"so what's your name Ojo-chan?"

"Nanaki Moriyama"  
the girl with strawberry blonde hair responded stil sobbing a little bit.

"Moriyama...Moriyama I know this surname"  
I thought trying to connect the surname to a face

"Moriyama...uh it seems familiar"  
muttered Hikigaya as if reading in my mind

(WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
Shiro's internal screams)

"Now Nanaki-chan...apologize"  
Hikigaya intimated with that strange voice of his

"Uh?"  
gasped the girl

"I said apologize to the driver-san he nearly got a heart attack because you chased the ball without thinking"  
he explained while voices of protests raised from the crowd

"she is just a girl"  
or  
"is he serious?"

they said annoying the shit out of the dark haired teenager that was ready to snap

"HEY IF YOU CAN SPAT YOUR OPINIONS NO STOP MAYBE YOU CAN FIND SOMETHING ELSE MORE USEFUL TO DO!"  
I roared dispersing the crowd and leaving on Hikigaya quite the expression;

It was a bizzarre cocktail of surprise, irony and satisfaction that turned out to be the most creepy grin I ever saw.

"Now what are you going to do Nanaki-chan?"  
asked the teen in what I just named "big brother mode"

the girl in response moved aside from my schoolmate and walked towards the driver of the car;  
A tall foreign man with brown hair of medium length and eyes hidden under a pair of sunglasses

"I'm sorry for what happened sir, I wasn't paying attention"  
the girl said with timid voice

"no problem just be more careful"  
responded the man in perfect japanese taking out from his car a yellow can and giving it to the girl

"and take this as my apologize, also I had to be more careful"  
he smiled and moved his eyes towards Hikigaya.

his expression froze for a moment.  
it didn't last more than a blink of an eye, but I clearly saw it.  
that man had seen something that shocked him

"Thanks to you too young man"  
said the man returning to his prius and throwing another yellow can to Hikigaya

"a small compensation for your service!"  
he said turning on the engine of the car.

"that man...He seems familar.  
probably someone I fought against during the last "eggs 50% off day" at the supermarket."  
I told myself staring at him on his black car

"he is strange"  
I thought

that man emitted strange vibes I couldn't define.  
I just know that when his car passed in front of me I heard a telephonic conversation

"we have a Stein Gate problem"  
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE MICROWAVE BRAT!?"

I might have spent a bit more of my time to think what the hell a Stein Gate was, but

"UNIVERSE YOU LOVE ME"  
Hikigaya began to roar raising the yellow can he just received.

It was Max Coffee

* * *

After the suspicious man went away, the situation suddenly became quieter.

Hikigaya send off the little girl with a few little recomandations  
and I went to fetch his stuff

"well let's start with the silver briefcase"  
I said reaching it and...damn I had never observed it carefully.

at first sight it might seems an usual briefcase like all the other used by salary men, but the insane amount of keyholes and numbered rolls suggested otherwise.

"maybe I can trace it and see what's inside  
naaaa it's not my business  
but just a bit of magic...  
No Shiro no"  
I thought fighting against temptation.

once I finally won against my impure desires I leaned forward and took the small luggage.

*ugh  
I grunted ...that thing weighted a ton

"thank you Emiya"  
said Hikigaya snaching that silver atrocities from my hands

"No dude thanks to you...how could you carry that thing since we left the school"  
I asked while my spine reassumed a natural form.

"my masochist side"  
he smirked

"this answer makes much more sense than it should"  
I retorted grinning

"it seems I owe you an apology Emiya"  
Hikigaya said after a small pause

"why ?"  
I asked confused fixing my amber eyes in his stone gray ones

"because I misjudged you"  
he simply said with his bored tone

"I thought you were a filthy Riajuu, goody two shoes, unable to take anybody's side because you're scared of making decisions and... with an endless list of girls that will give you chocolate in the next days"  
he said in one go.

"That's quite an harsh and detailed judgment you came out with...in less than a day"  
I said bewildered by the great amount of scorn Hikigaya had towards me.

"That's why I apologize...I was surprised when you made shut up those guys before...  
I thought you were another Hayama Hayato  
basically the description from before was his one."  
he explained tilting his head

"I'm pleased to see I was wrong"  
he concluded with an half assetted grin

"you really judge fast people uh?  
how can you tell I am not any of the things you said before"  
I asked a little annoyed by Hikigaya's behaviour

"first he insult me...kinda  
and then he speaks like he knows everything about me"  
I thought realizing that he probably was the first person that annoyed me just for his personality.

A feat even Shinji never managed to achieve

"first I judged you in base of my pure prejudices,  
Now I'll judge in base of your actions"  
He said cryptically

"So...this is Hikigaya Hachiman..."  
I said carefully while the whole identikit I had in my head.

the identikit of a lazy boy that passively moved in the world

disappeared

"What do you mean?"  
he said beginning to square me with his eyes

that I just realized were yes dead but...far from dull as I thought  
those grey orbs...they weren't dull, they were sharp, the sharpest I ever seen.

It was like I had just stared at the scabbard of katana until now, without even looking at the blade or its edge

right now in Hikigaya's eyes there was a light I only saw once in Kiritsugu's eyes.  
it was difficult to see it  
but It was definitely there  
a spark of determination covered by the eye bags of countless sleepless nights

"This precise way of talking, your quick wits when you jumped in front of that car and the care you displayed for that girl"  
I began while an ocular katana was pointed on my throat

"those were things I didn't thought you were capable of"  
I explained realizing that just like him I had judged too soon

"I thought you were a selfish loner that acted only for his own benefit...it seems I have to apologize as well"  
I said simply beginning with a sour voice and ending with a plain one

"That's quite an harsh and detailed judgment you came out with...in less than a day"  
he said bewildered by the great amount of scorn I had towards him.

"That's why I apologize...  
I was surprised when you threw away your precious ( and goddamn heavy) briefcase in order to run to save the girl...  
(and because you were fucking faster than me, none is faster than Shiro Emiya)  
I thought you were another Shinji Matou  
basically the description from before was his one."  
I explained tilting my head

"I'm pleased to see I was wrong"  
I concluded with an half assetted grin

"you really judge fast people uh?  
how can you tell I am not any of the things you said before"  
he asked a little annoyed

"first I judged you in base of my pure prejudices,  
Now I'll judge in base of your actions"  
I said cryptically.

"and now we just had the same conversation twice"  
both of us thought as we stood beside the street near my home.

we entered in a stalemate in which none of us knew what to do

for me It was the first time I spoke so honestly to a person I just met.  
I wasn't sure on what to do

"we really likes to categorize people uh?"  
suddenly Hikigaya broke the silence between us

"Yeah it makes easier to act around them"  
I replied aware that for the first time in my life I didn't know what to think about a person.

"wanna start with the right foot?"  
I timidly asked raising my shoulders

"why not"  
he responded raising his hand

"Nice to meet you my name is Emiya Shiro, I like archery, cooking, I'm not good with casual conversation and to remain quiet"  
I said shaking his hand

"the pleasure it's mine, my name is Hikigaya Hachiman I like books, videogames and silence. I'm cynical, a loner and awkward around people... but I also have flaws"  
he said hinting a smile

"And from what I have seen you're good with kids"  
I added

"well after all I'm a world level oni-chan"  
he responded over-seriously

"okay..."

 _ ***growl**_

protested our stomaches

"Hey Emiya I know we're having a moment right now... but I'm fucking starving"

"you raise a fair point Hikigaya"

* * *

and so the bizarre relationship between Emiya Shiro and Hikigaya Hachiman officially began.  
both of them didn't know what think about one another  
none of them could understand if he liked the other or not.  
but  
they were sure of one thing

IT WAS THE FIRST TIME THEY MET SOMEONE SO EASY TO BE HONEST WITH

whenever they ended up getting along or hating each other was yet to be decided.  
still  
as a powerful curiosity pushed the two teens to know each other a small and indestructible string bounded them

THAT STRING WAS NAMED FATE

* * *

" did I just heard an omnious narrating voice?"

"What?"

"nothing Emiya I'm just imagining things"

"ok...now welcome to my home"  
I quietly said pointing at the Emiya household

"..."

"something is wrong?"

"...are you perhaps rich?"

"eh no (until I get unlimited access to Kiritsugu's savings)"

"then how do you explain the Japanese manor you're pointing at"  
he retorted widing his eyes

"do you want to eat or not?"  
I asked slightly annoyed

"please lead the way".

(10 minutes later)

"here is the bathroom, there outside is the dojo and this is your room"  
I said finishing to explain the layout of my house

"I don't like to be monotonous, but are you rich?"  
Hikigaya asked again astonished by the might of my home

"ah finally that all knowing air of yours is gone"  
I thought pleased

"please leave your stuff here and look around your room.  
I will go to get change and start cooking, Fuji-nee...I mean Fujimura-sensei will be here soon"  
I said ignoring the dark haired boy's question.

and so stopping to carry Hikigaya's trolley I took my leave.

"well maybe this cohabitation won't be so bad"  
I muttered reaching my room.

it was pleasant after a long day enter on of the only places I felt as MY own.  
inspiring the familiar scent off my house I lied down on my futon and began to purposeless stare at the ceiling.  
for one blissful moment I closed my eyes and let my brain turn off

"."

".."

"..."

"okay I have to do something I can't remain still"  
I thought snapping my eyes open

"what should I do?  
what should I do ?

Training?  
no still too risky I don't know Hikigaya's habit

Cooking?  
not yet Fuji-nee has to bring the ingredients for the Welcome hot-pot

Relax...

Nope"  
I wondered until an idea came from the depths of my brain.

(twenty seconds later)

 _*pop  
*pop  
*pop  
*pop  
_(to be clear is the bubble wrap)

"this is life"  
I said squeezing my anti-stress.

* * *

"SHIRO HIKIGAYA I'M HERE!"  
Fuji-nee announced herself in her usual fashion...

(the kind of fashion that made your ears beg for mercy)  
"welcome back"  
I said to her coming out from the kitchen.

"I have bought all the necessary to party"  
she exclaimed rising three bags, so full of meat, vegetables, beer and drinks that were about to explode.

"good evening Fujimura-senseeee is there something I need to know?"  
said Hikigaya arriving in the entrance of the home and switching topic at mid-sentence

"Well me and Fuji-nee...I mean Fujimura-sensi thought to give you a welcome party...but"  
I indulged my eyes on the supermarket my guardian brought at home

"Things get a little out of hand?"  
concluded Hikigaya rising an eyebrow.

"I don't understand what you're talking about the doses are perfect"  
complained Fuji-nee

"Aren't we only in three?! all that stuff can feed an army"  
retorted Hikigaya

"I bet he is thinking how much can Taiga eat"  
I thought studying the teenager's face

"The answer is more than you can imagine"  
I muttered taking the three bags with me in the kitchen.

* * *

Separating me from the world of common people I reached my kingdom (the kitchen)  
the only things I could perceive were smell of the ingredients and their texture.  
with precision and speed I prepared the sauce

THEN my cooking knife went

tac*  
tac*  
tac*

as I cut each ingredient in the most appropriate shape: Meats, noodles, mushrooms and everything else my honed skill let no escape to anything.

"No please Shiro-sama, why you do this to us"  
they begged

"...because I'm a chef ingredients-san"

"so that how it ends for us "

"I'm sorry but...yes"

"...will you transform us in a perfect dish?"

"I swear on my honor"

"then go ahead we are ready"

*tac

* * *

"so you're telling me than whenever he cooks or repair something...Emiya begin to mutter in this way"

"Precisely, listen"

 ** _"...will you transform us in a perfect dish?"_**

"...really?"

"really"

"..."

"shall we dress the table"

"...okay"

"Oh I forgot to tell you another person is coming"

* * *

(thirty minutes later )

"finally  
the hot pot is ready!"  
I proudly announced

carefully balancing the the steaming pot in my gloved hands I took on the dining table my masterpiece

"it looks amazing sempai"  
Sakura complimented me from behind my back

"thank you Sakura".

...

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHEN THE HELL DID SHE ARRIVE "  
I internally screamed while my face remained completely normal

"Good job Shiro and Sakura you really had a great teamwork"  
said Fuji-nee rising her inch and winking

"of course!"  
responded sakura patting her left bicipite

"y-yeah we had?"  
I responded uncertain

"what is she talking about...oh it was Sakura's hand the one I nearly cut before"  
I realized while I had a small flashback

apparentely Sakura had arrived soon after I began to cook, she even introduced herself to Hikigaya...and I completly ignored her until now

"God I hope she didn't notice it"

* * *

Sakura's mind part 8

"he didn't realized I was here until now..."

* * *

"ittadakimasu"  
all the people around the table said letting the dinner begin

the atmosphere was lively...so much that even Hikigaya we he thought none was looking conceded himself to smile.

"When you said your hobby was cooking I didn't thought you where so good, (almost Megumi's level)"  
he said after swallowing a mouthful of food

"did I just heard a challenge"  
I thought

"Right Right the little Shiro is the best when it comes to cooking and cleaning"  
exclaimed Fuji-nee with her third empty can of beer in her hand

I hoped she didn't decide to get drunk in front of Hikigaya and Sakura

"also cleaning..."  
Hikigaya asked with a tone between the surprise and the tease

"yes yes have you seen a single particle of dust in this old fashioned japanese house?"  
nodded the tiger

"and Hikigaya-sempai, you have yet to try sempai's cakes!"  
added cutely Sakura

"O-oh r-eally now I'm curious"  
Hikigaya responded uneasy

"well I guess I can bake one, after all I promised to cook Sakura's favorite dishes this weekend.  
What do you think if I do the one with fruit and cream"  
I offered catching the hint my kohai sent me

"yippie!"  
she cheerfully said

"oh and maybe I try to make a sweet coffee dressing for you Hikigaya, you like coffee right?"  
My eyes began to shine while an unlimited number of ideas springed from my cooking genius

"cooking and cleaning  
You truly are the king of house-husbands"  
the dark haired teen told me smirking and bowing his head

"Hikigaya what are you talking about?"  
I asked confused

"all hail to the king of house-husbands"

"don't do a dogeza!  
stop it!  
Fuji-nee you're drunk!"

"My house-husband"

"what was that Sakura"

"Nothing!"

"Time to get my Max Coffee  
have some quality time"

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

* * *

 _SEVEN DAYS AFTER_

"So tell me Emiya it's been a week since the exchange student arrived  
how is he?"  
suddently said Issei introducing a precise topic in that cloudy friday lunch pause

"did Issei just asked information about another human being for a not school related matter"  
an astonished part of my brain erupted.

from the shock I dropped the egg roll I had between my chopsticks (IT'S A SIGN OF INTENSE SHOOOOCKKKKKKKKKKKKK)

"Why you ask that now?"  
I asked trying to keep a normal expression

I repeat "Trying"  
judging from only my expression people might think I had just seen a donkey fly

"Is that strange that I ask news about a student of this school?"  
he retorted angrily

"NO no no ...yes"  
I honestly responded

"...fair  
there have been a few rumors around him in the last week and some of them were quite bizarre.  
I wanted to check, but Hikigaya apparently it's a master at disappearing.  
And out of all people you're the only one that actually know him"  
he explained

"okay now I get it"  
I replied cleaning my mouth with a napkin.

"so what do you want to know?"  
I asked assuming a slightly tense pose

after all in the past week I learned that whenever Hikigaya Hachiman was involved things tended to get...particular.  
by that I don't mean he attracts problems... it's more like he exposes problems people always see but doesn't notice.  
he is the spark that light a bonfire

"Let's begin with your personal opinions"

"Well Issei he is quiet, very quiet, extremely quiet,... he is basically a sloth  
No  
A bear,  
A bear that is ready to go dormant "  
I started with the most obvious thing

"So you confirm the rumor about his dozing during classes"  
He asked me doing that bloody reflection thing with his glasses.

"I didn't know about that...but it sound very much possible  
that man without his drink is doomed"  
I said while a small smirk appeared to my face

"Uh?  
his drink?"  
the student president stared at me with inquisitive eyes.

"You remember that Hikigaya is REALLY into Max Coffee, that overly sweeten canned coffee"  
I began looking at my nails

"yeah..."

" for you see-

* * *

 _flashback_

"THERE IS NOT A SINGLE CAN IN THE WHOLE CITY!"  
Hikigaya's voice roared in a commercial street

I was out for my usual saturday shopping and my new..frien...no no no no no  
no my new acquaintance tagged along to look around the city

"calm down Hikigaya, how can be possible that there isn't a single can of your drink in the whole city"  
I replied holding a bag with all the ingredients for my cake.

"I'd like to know as well!  
I have visited 57 different shops and 5 wholesalers.  
NONE OF THEM HAD A SINGLE CAN!  
I will accuse signs of abstinence soon "

said Hikigaya gripping his head with both hands.

"Oi Hikigaya calm down people are staring at you"  
I muttered with a strained smile

"besides It's just a drink you can survive without it"

...

* * *

"all the max coffee is gone, it's strange so?"  
said Issei

"He couldn't"

"What? he coudn't what?"

"survive without that drink"

"uh?"

* * *

 _FLASHBACK_

"Fuji-nee go call Hikigaya the lunch is ready"

"Aye!"

step

step

step

"HikigayAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Fuji-nee!"

step  
step  
step

" **Shiro why is Hikigaya on the floor**!?"

"How can I know it was you who found him"

"how can you be so quiet  
but most important...Is he dead?"

"why are you so dark?  
and no I don't think so"

"how can you tell?"

"he is drooling on the floor"

* * *

"he did what!"

"you heard me Issei, he fell asleep on the floor of the hallway."

"WHY?"  
outbursted Issei

"well from what I have seen Hikigaya sleep very little and without his daily dose of sugar and caffeine he just..."  
I said uncaring and pointing my index to issei at the end of the sentence

"falls asleep randomly"

"precisely, you have no Idea how many attempts I have done till now to re-create that damn drink in the past few days,  
but Hikigaya is all  
It's not MAX"  
I said opening and closing my hand to imitate Hikigaya answers

"..."  
Issei did a strange expression

"What? "

"you are sending contrasting signals Emiya"

"Uh why?"

"because you just told me, how you try to re-create his favorite drink yet you moved your hand to mock him.  
Do you like Hikigaya or not?"  
Issei asked at his wit's end

"bha I don't know he alterns moment in which he is very kind or really an asshole  
or just is both kind and an asshole at the same time"  
I said rising my shoulders...and yes it mostly the latter

"D-di-did you just insult a person"  
muttered my friend while his face turned white

"if Asshole means what it means yes"  
I retorted rising an eyebrow

"Why...you insult Hikigaya a kinda polite person  
but you don't insult a jerk like Shikji Matou?"  
Issei asked like he was trying to solve an equation

"well because-"  
I started to say but...  
I couldn't go on

I didn't know the answer to that question.

the words in my mouth ceased to exist  
for a moment the air of the student council room froze

"That's right...

 **why?"**

I muttered searching in my memories for an answer

* * *

The first memory that flashed in my mind was the evening of sunday.  
outside was raining and I, fuji-nee and Hikigaya were having dinner, curry and to be precise.  
I had turned on a small heater I used when the weather cooled down during the evening.  
It was cheaper than turning on the whole heating system

"tell me Hikigaya what do you want to do as an adult?"  
asked Fuji-nee trying to make conversation

"I want become an house-husband Fujimura-sensei"  
responded quietly between a spoon of curry and another

"ahaha nice one! No really what you want"  
laughed Fuji-nee overreacting

"I'm serious..."  
retorted the boy without any kind of emotion

"O-oh...an house-husband don't you plan to become I don't know a journalist a teacher or...well you got the idea"  
my sister was caught off guard

"naa to work is to lose "  
he continued uncaring

"Okay...  
kids now days have all weird dreams. Even you Shiro  
didn't you want to become an hero of justice"  
turned towards me that sorry excuse for an adult aware that I was easier to talk with

"Oi don't go around spitting out these embarrassing things"

"when he was a kid he was all so eager to become one, he wanted to make his father proud  
ah how cute you were. The little Shiro aw"  
that woman said ignoring my complains

"well, be hero of justice that's an interesting dream"  
responded Hikigaya closing his eyes

"Don't pay attention to her Hikigaya she is just messing around with me "  
I retorted sour

"yeah...but you didn't negate anything"  
pointed out the boy as his eyes were unsheathed and my attention fully gained

"Being an hero of Justice...  
a beautiful dream, difficult to find someone that genuinely wish to be one"  
he continued fixing those sharp eyes on me.

"..Yeah"  
I whispered while my heart twisted in strange positions

"unfortunately is also a stupid dream"  
He finished sheathing his eyes back

"Well it might be childish but I don't think it's stupid as a dream"  
I said to defend my hurt pride before the stare of a confused Taiga started to move between Hikigaya and me

"then let me rephrase it's not stupid but an ignorant dream."

"because being an house-husband is pure genius"

"well it's not a respected profession but it doesn't have any major flaws; you get an house, money and a family, there are no work shifts or world to save.  
being an hero justice... a person that define himself like one is just deluding himself  
after all justice changes from person to person.  
good and evil may turn in one another through someone else's eyes.  
I can accept being an hero, fight for the weaks and stuff. But being an hero of justice it just mean you assume you will always be right...it's arrogant"  
He explained emotionless

yet I didn't know if it was to me or to himself.

"And what you do then if you have the best intention but end up doing something wrong, evil"  
I asked curious about the harsh yet with an experienced sound opinion of the teen

"You just go on I suppose.  
knowing you might be wrong, continue to question yourself if you are doing things in the right way...  
that's the only thing you can do.  
and if you still have un-answered questions but genuinely feel something is right...  
Just do it"

"and how is that different from do something just because you assume to be right?"

"because this time the choice you make is not arrogant, it's a choice made after getting through doubts and uncertainties... it's genuine"

* * *

"I know my answer"  
I thought while the time returned to move

"Issei I guess it's because I can't imagine what's going on in his head.  
he always has got a strange vision of the world"  
I responded to my friend's question.

I didn't know if I liked Hikigaya or not

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that he is able to find all the wrongs in what I believe is right and all the rights in what I believe is wrong.  
He makes you realize your hypocrisies and explains that he is the same but...  
while he realize and accepted that you have still to deal with it"  
I explained

But I realized that getting to know him meant for some aspects get to know me

"he drags you down to his level and beat you with the experience"  
he summarized leaving behind the whole character developement part

"pretty much,  
if I don't insult Shinji it's because I know why he does what he does  
I understand him"  
I concluded

"I comprend...more or less  
now in regards of all the other rumors... "  
I heard Issei return to the original topic

"Oh right! Which rumors have been going on? "

"well first of all Hikigaya dozing during classes, but you confirmed that already...  
so...did he receive chocolate from the idol of class B Nanami Moriyama?"  
Issei began taking out from his pocket a...notebook?  
something told me there was a certain number of rumors going on

"mmmm...Ah yes!  
he received chocolate and it was delicious"  
I responded after a meticulous reflexive pause

"Interesting"  
muttered Issei scraching words on his notebook

the whole image was creeper than anyone would have ever expected...  
I just the student president's pen did that rapid sound people hear in class during a test and he did the "thing" without hands

"Scaryyyyyyy"  
I thought staring at him

but then he stopped writing and painfully slowly rose his head towards me.

"Emiya how do you know it was d-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s ?"  
Issei said taking off his glasses.

"W-why are you giving me that strange stare Issei? please stop!"  
I muttered as the desire of running away appeared in my mind

"W-h-y Emiya?"

"Monday's-evening-I was-eating-all-the-disgusting-chocolate-I-recieved,-Hikigaya-helped-me-and-shared-with-the-chococlate-he-recieved-from Moriyama-san,-my-mouth was-so-tortured-everything-seemed-delicious-than-we-spent-the-rest-of-the-night-playing-chess-until-morning"  
I said in one go  
my lungs began to burn and my lips felt dry, just looking at Issei in this moment put me under an insane amount of pressure.

"perhaps do you know why Hikigaya received the chocolate in the first place?"

"HeSavedMoriyama'SSister"  
I spitted out without thinking twice.

Issei today was scary beyond imagination, his eyes were hollow and that calm voice he kept using creeped me out.  
I couldn't imagine why he would...oh

"Do you have a crush on Moriyama?"  
I asked forgetting about my fears

the heavy mood in the room suddenly disappeared, like the cookies in my fridge when Fuji-nee is left alone

"W-wwwhat? me! Moriyama, no w-w-hy would you assume something like that?"  
my friend responded caught off guard

"..."

"besides you said it was just obligatory chocolate right?  
Right  
next rumor  
(*restless sound of pages turned on a note book, or for those who lack fantasy frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr)  
here!  
Hikigaya Hachiman caught an arrow in mid-air"  
read Issei trying to escape from my inquisitive eyebrows

aaaaaaa it felt good to have the knife from the part of the handle this time

"Hikigaya visited the archery club, talked off Shinji that "slightly" angered threw on the ground the western bow on the club's wall, it had a arrow nocked, the arrow bounced on the ground, Hikigaya caught the arrow with a cool pose, end of the story  
Returning to Moriyama what do you like about her?"  
I said fast like a lightning in order to tease my friend sooner than I could

For the first time in my life I got to shake the agitated yet composed student president, It was a golden change that happened on time in a life and I must admit that the red shades on his cheeks were...fulfilling.

"her hair...I mean next rumor!  
(*again that lovely sound of pages frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!)  
Hikigaya Hachiamn has got three eyes...why did I write this down"  
 _*Frrrrrrrrrrr  
_ Issei continued

"yeah yeah try to hide behind those pages you want escape"  
I thought staring my prey and controlling the instinct of grinning

unfortunately my control didn't exist so I just began to grin creeping

"I don't care about his one  
 _*Frrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr  
_ okay, found it and it's fairly recent  
Hikigaya Hachiman beaten up Shinji Matou"  
my friend said with a smile...he was a bit too amused by this rumor

"What? noo Hikigaya never could"  
I retorted surprised

"Why do you say so?"

"too much effort"

"Uh?"

"remember when I said Hikigaya is quiet"

"yeah..."

"it was me being polite, he is just lazy, so lazy that he most likely would take a punch and leave rather than fight and win"

"...win? He doesn't look strong or anything...maybe a bit creepy"

"I know! But he is way fitter than you think!  
for example yesterday I caught him reading a book"  
I exclaimed

"Oh...I don't get what's strange here"  
Issei didn't follow

"Standing on one hand"  
I concluded reminding of the scene

* * *

 _Flashback_

"good I managed to do a bit of magic training even with Hikigaya at home"

"good job Shiro"

"Thanks fridge-kun"

"I wonder what that guy is doing now...he is winning our chess competition"

(54 wins Hikigaya Hachiman, 53 wins Emiya Shiro, 63 Stalemates )

*step  
*step  
*step

(sound of a sliding door opening vshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

"Hikigaya you are going down!"

*sound of a surprised teen falling from a zen position...  
it kinda sounded like this "What the fuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh ck!"

* * *

"his face was too damn funny...what was going on? oh right Shinji beaten up"  
I returned from my flashback

"Just to know, standing to the rumor when did Hikigaya beat up Shinji?"  
I investigated

"eh this morning"

"Oh...Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh this is the story going around?"  
I gasped in surprise

incredible how much truth could be twisted in just a few hours, I was astonished and a bit amused; the loner Hikigaya Hachiman the new bully of Fuyuki, I could already see his face overly conscious of the people staring at his unaware self

"Hikigaya did not beat up Shinji, Shinji beaten up himself"  
I opened my tale

* * *

 _Flashback_

(that morning)

"Com'on Shiro it's friday, you can do it, just one day left"  
I muttered dragging my feet in the kitchen

I was still wearing my pajama; a simple long sleeved T-shirt and pants white with vertical blue lines. The kitchen was quiet and warm despite the cloudy weather outside, my chess board was still on the dining table while a few pieces were scatter all around; yesterday night Hikigaya and I played till late night an habit we took after our first matches, the evening I had to consume all the chocolate I received before it could taste even worse.

"YOU REALLY ARE A RIAJUU! SON OF A BITCH WITH AN HAREM!"  
he had said that time.

It took me a long explanation and a few terrible chocolates to calm him down and make say

"...You have it tough eh?"

"You understand!?  
I had responded to him in a mix of joy, surprise and confusion

Now has to be said that Hikigaya never rubbed me off like the type of person who received Valentine chocolate, but...no nothing I couldn't understand why he could understand, until

"Well kinda...I know how it feels to receive unwanted thanks"  
He had summarized the uneasiness I felt about that chocolate

then without another word he seated before me and helped to eat all that disgusting sweets, that time...it was the first occasion in which Hikigaya displayed a natural act of courtesy towards me, I didn't ask for it nor I ever would yet he did the only thing I really needed, I remember he muttered something along the lines of "the first time I would refuse free food" or "Yuigahama is there you".  
that night we talked a lot and learned more about each other until both of us revealed our pride on the chess board, ten minutes later we were facing on a black and white battlefield. We played until morning accompanied only by the sound emitted by the old lights in my house and noises Hikigaya and I did eating the chocolate made by Moriyama-san, I wanted to ask Hikigaya if it was one of those unwanted thanks but my brain was more like "...hazelnuts...good".

concluding to remind the sweet gold day(s), I slowly put away all the chess pieces and began to cook breakfast, at first it was difficult I felt my eyes sticky and all the objects resembled each other but, as my synapses returned to work I started to display my usual prowess.  
Ten minutes later two of the three guests I was waiting arrived

"Hello senpai! how are you today?"  
cheerful as usual Sakura Matou

"Sup Emiya"  
and gloomy as always Hikigaya Hachiman

"good morning you two"  
I responded staring at them.

they were like the sun and the moon: Sakura was dressed in in her school uniform and her hair perfectly in order, while Hikigaya...  
was in his morning mode; wearing a green track suit with hairs pointing in every possible direction and with gloomy eyes.

"Well he already seems more healthy than when he arrived here"  
I thought squaring off the guy.

his eye bags had almost disappeared since he started living here, I thought it was thanks to at least six hours of sleep everyday, he also appeared more solid; if when I saw him the first time he looked like a frail boy I eventually came to notice he was more trained than I could imagine, he had broad shoulders and when his back wasn't bent he was probably taller than me...WHY THE HELL HE WAS TALLER THAN MEEEEEEEEEEE?!

"good morning Hikigaya-senpai"  
greeted Sakura

"Y-yo, Matou-san"  
Hikigaya responded with his usual uneasy tone.

He always walked on tip toes around Sakura. Then for some reason he started to walk around the dining room.

"Hey Emiya have you seen my PSvita?"  
Hikigaya asked me

"you left it on the couch in the living...I guess you were saying something about a **GODDAMN TEMPERED RATHLOS** "  
I boredly said without turning my head away from the food.

*stun  
Judging by the that sound Hikigaya was gone.

"do you need any help Senpai?"  
asked me Sakura hopping beside me like a cute little rabbit

"Sure  
can you cut this salmon in stripes while I brew the tea?"  
I said moving my eyes towards Sakura...that

that was a bit too close to my face, her violet eyes were staring at me with burning intensity, her tiny nose pointed at me and her delicate lips were binding my eyes in a magnetic field.

"Calm down SHIRO!  
Impure thoughts fly away fly away"  
I mentally screamed to get an hold on myself.

"Of course senpai... there is a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g else you want me to do?"  
Sakura said in a strange fashion getting up on her tip toes and putting her index under her lips

"DAMMIT SAKURA GIVE ME AN HAND I'M ALREADY IN A TIGHT SPOT HERE"  
I thought blushing to insane levels.

I had to repel all temptation and so I did the only smart thing I could came out with; I bit my tongue

*mfph  
I grunted as the sharp pain I just inflicted myself relaxed me

"No Sakura, just the salmon is fine"

* * *

Sakura's mind part 9

"O' com on just take a hint already!  
Isn't this pure girl play enough to make you fall!  
I must found a bowl to drench myself with or what?

It's not a bad idea last time I got one of senpai's shirt ahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah"

* * *

"Okay senpai"  
the girl replied with a thin smile

and today I escaped again from a terrible foe...Sakura's lips

"so delicate and pink...  
JUST WHAT THE HELL I'M THINKING"  
I smashed my head against the first wall I saw

the only results: I got a terrible headache and Hikigaya that had just re-entered in the kitchen stared at me, at Sakura, at me again and Sakura...  
and came out of the kitchen muttering  
"this sound like not my business"

*stun

For two awkward not me nor Sakura said a single word, both of were wondering what to do next.  
then Sakura said  
"Senpai why Hikigaya-senpai always acts strangely around me?"

* * *

Sakura's mind part 10

"He saw through my mask didn't he, I saw how he looks at me...  
his guard is too high, I can't deceive him.

I just hope he doesn't dare to say anything to my Senpai...or I will get angry

People  
don't  
like  
when  
I'M

 **ANGRY**

oh senpai is doing his cool pose scratching his chin still in pajama! I have to burn this image in my memory

* * *

"Maybe you remember him someone.  
Hikigaya has got a little sister and he seems pretty...extremely attached to her, he is probably trying to keep distance to avoid strange situation"  
I responded to my cute kohai while brewing some tea.

"Really..."

Ten minutes later Fuji-nee entered in my home with her usual fashion, with my displeasure of my ears.  
seeing the breakfast ready and Hikigaya still missing Fuji-nee did what Fuji-nee do...grabs a poster and runs in Hikigaya's room ready to become REVENGE

I was ready to hear the screams of a suffering teenager coming but...  
the situation went differently

"HIKIGAYA!"

*tung

*swam

"uh? Sensei?"

"Don't hit me, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry "

my eyes widened in shock, my lips began to tremble

"Did the Tiger Just...just"  
I muttered in awe

"lose"  
concluded Sakura for me, barely less surprised than I was.

a few moments later both Hikigaya and Fuji-nee came in the kitchen, Hikigaya was maintaining his usual attitude; bored and disinterested, on the other hand my sisterly figure wasn't acting like herself, her usual shining and cheerful fashion had disappeared, now she was just quiet and silent...

"Bless you Hikigaya magnificient bastard"  
I glorfyed all kami

for the first time ever Fuji-nee wasn't being loud, shameless and wasn't chewing with her mouth open...  
*chom  
I retire the last one.

...

Still an amazing feat.

The rest of the breakfast went on without any problem until...

"Matou, Emiya what did you do to the back of your hand?"  
Hikigaya asked an unexpected question

reaction to his words my eyes were suddenly directed towards Sakura's hand...there was a red bruise

"S-H-I-N-J-I"  
I thought as a magmatic rage rose from my guts

Oh that was it! Shinji could be jerk towards me, could be a jerk towards Issei and Mitsuzuri and hell could be a jerk towards any other human being on the earth but, to his sister...NO  
NO  
and in a million years NO.

"Today is the day I finally snap...and is not even because Hikigaya...tecnically he pointed out the bruise so it's because him but WHO CARES!"  
I told myself moving my hand towards Sakura's one to check her...but Sakura retracted from my touch

"I-it's fine Senpai, I just fell...beside you have a bruise too"  
Sakura muttered lowering her voice and eyes

She was scared, I realized that but

Scared  
of  
What?

"well at least let's bandage your hands"  
said Hikigaya cutting of the conversation.

He had already taken the first aid kit I kept in a corner of the kitchen; a small plastic box coloured in white and with green cross on.  
I was uncertain on what to do, I wanted to ask again Sakura what did happen to her but, she didn't appear conformable with the idea  
Forcing my body to abscond Sakura's wishes I stepped aside and reached Hikigaya, I rose my hand and studied for the first time the red bruise I had on me:  
it was strange I didn't recollect slamming against anything in the past few days but...the form of the bruise was indeed peculiar it seemed like some kind symbol.

"Oi what are you doing Emiya?"  
Hikigaya looked at me with empty eyes

"Uh, letting you do some first aid?"  
I asked confused

"Ladies first!"  
he brushed away my hand and gestured Sakura to come

The girl was caught in surprise, probably she didn't expected Hikigaya to act in that way.  
after all Hikigaya had always behaved overly strange towards Sakura

"Okay..."  
she whispered reaching the dark haired teen

"Let's see what you have here"  
the boy muttered lightly grasping Sakura's hand

"Oh I know what's going to happen"  
I muttered as I saw the future

Hikigaya Hachiman's oni-chan mode

"Nothing seems off but, it's bad for a girl of your age to fall and bruise your hand"  
He said with that hypnotic and sweet voice.

"uumm"  
Sakura muttered falling prey of that charm,

she slightly blushed and lowered her eyes looking at Hikigaya's skillful hands treating her hand, I didn't get what he was doing but I knew that I didn't like the way he was doing it...he was too mature?

(A/N ahahaha NTR)

"Did he just do that magic with a girl over ten years old? "  
I wondered astonished and scared by the power of that mystical art.

"Thanks Hikigaya-senpai"  
the girl whispered flustered once the bandaging was over.

"You're welcome but really...be more careful,  
your hands are strong and frail at the same time, maybe you should think about entrust them to someone"  
the dark haired teen said with his magic voice and moving his chin towards me...for some reason

needless to say Sakura reached new level of redness.

* * *

Sakura's mind part 11

"awawawawawawawawawaw  
Entrust my hands to senpai (Marry him)

...but the Holy Grail  
but senpai  
and  
...

What is Hikigaya-senpai doing with his voice it's...pleasant?

* * *

 _END FLASHBACK_

* * *

"I get it Sakura Matou was bruised, Emiya can you just get to the point lunch break is ending "  
Complained Issei interrupting the narration of my day

"Fine...  
After also my bruise was treated the three of us left my home, we reached school and Sakura got ahead.  
Hikigaya and I went towards our classes and met Shinji on the stairs..."

* * *

"Shinji did you hurt Sakura?!"

"Good morning to you too Emiya and I don't know what your talking about"

"the bruise on the back of her hand"

"That!...oh that, the idiot just fell down the stairs"

"Y-you.."

"Oh are you angry Emiya? but I wonder why, after all I didn't do a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g"

"Just let's go Emiya"

"Hikigaya?!"

"Right follow the advice of your boyfriend and move aside"

"Ah don't misunderstand Matou, I'm not doing it for him, I'm doing it because arguing with you it's a waste of time...  
It sucks have an inferiority complex towards all your friends and siblings uh?"

"You bastard-AH?  
Eh!  
IH!  
OH!  
UH!  
FUCK!

* * *

"So Hikigaya made Shinji feel like a bug then Shinji tried to hit him but, fell down the stairs?"  
reassumed Issei for eventual confused readers

"Yeah basically...  
Shinji fell pretty hard. Think that I have to clean the Archey Dojo to avoid major issues"  
I said

"And Hikigaya is not going to help you?"  
my friend asked

"Nope, after all the whole situation would have been avoided if I didn't talk to Shinji on the stairs"  
I responded easy goingly

"Are you serious it was Hikigaya who provoked Shinji "  
the student president retorted

"yeah but the situation would have eventually ended in the same way."

"you know there have been multiple murders in the past days you can't just remain at school till late and ...what do you mean by the same way  
define please..."  
asked Issei doing the thing

"You said Hikigaya made Shinji feel like a bug and then the following actions leaded to me cleaning the dojo but, if I had followed my plan till the end the result wouldn't have changed"  
I answered looking at my nails

"And which was your plan?"

"I would have pretended to be sorry for arguing with Shinji, then he would have gotten cocky trying to make me snap, since we are talking about Shinji, he would have asked or ordered to clean the dojo in his place, I would have accepted with a smile and he would have started to feel like a bug in comparison with me"  
I explained closing my bento, standing up and concluding the conversation

It was time to return in class I still had a few hours of lesson before I had to clean that damn Archery dojo but something unexpected happened

"ahahahahahahahah"  
Issei began to laugh

"you and Hikigaya are really the same"  
serious voice he said cryptically

"What do you mean I don't believe there are people more different than Hikigaya and I"  
I retorted confused by the comparison

"you know for some aspects you two are like machines...doing things because you have to without a laugh or anything...until something gives you an input.  
and you start to act.  
both of you are really quiet people but your really observant, you notice the same things"  
He continued

"..."

"but you act differently, Hikigaya realizing Shinji's inferiority complex stabbed him were it hurted the most, you on the other hand would have crushed Shinji acting in a superior way"

"I don't get what you mean, Hikigaya and I just wanted to defend Sakura, there is no need to search deeper meanings"  
I said coming out of the room.

"Emiya, Hikigaya you don't laugh like normal people nor you cry like them yet when you're together you act like humans"

* * *

(seven Hours later)

"And now every single millimeter square of this dojo it's clean"  
I proudly told myself

"That's right Shiro-kun you're the best at cleaning, only you know the right movements to polish every single corner of this place"  
said to me sponge-chan

"You're too good sponge-chan, but you're right I'm the best"  
I responed a bit embarassed by sponge-chan praise

"And It only took you four hours"  
told me another (in)animate object

"You're right water basket-kun...Ara four hours !"  
I exclaimed

I rushed out of the dojo and saw a pitch black sky

"damn my perfectionism! I'm too late Hikigaya must be worry"  
I muttered checking my phone

-0 missed call-

"or maybe not"

* _ **CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**_

Suddently a sonic boom resounded in my ears, it came from the school's courtyard.

Now any sane person would have just run away after hearing that sound, but I...am not sane  
So forcing my heart to slow down I sneaked in the directions of the "explosion".  
in that moment each step I took was accompanied by the sound of weapon clashing and battle roars, all my senses screamed me to run away, that I was going in front of something dangerous yet another visceral instinct suggested me otherwise.  
A muscular man wearing a blue armor(?), wielding an ominous red spear and a tanned man wearing a red cape, wielding two beautiful black and white twin swords fighting against one another.  
that was the image I saw when I finally reached the courtyard.

*clang

*clang  
*clang

their weapons collided against one another resounding in the night

It was incredible, they were incredible their speed power and technique.  
the two men fighting in front of my eyes were something beyond human comprehension, they were so fast that my amber orbs couldn't keep up with their movements as shining arcs of death were spread across the courtyard while the red spear and the twin swords each time they clashed roared like a thunder.

then for some reason the two men that had fought on equal ground till now, reached a stand off both of them stopped to move and facing each other they began to talk, I couldn't hear a single word.  
for a moment silence returned to rule over the night but it didn't last long because the red spear of the blue man started to flare up an insane amount of mana.  
Apparently the red man had said something wrong and the situation was going to go south...really south...so south that could be counted as north.  
the mana waves coming from the red spear were absurd I have never felt such a power and so

"what are they?"  
I muttered unconsciously.

Probably the worst move of my life

"who talked!"  
screamed with rude voice the blue man staring at me

(MOTHERF***ER WITH ONE HELL OF A EARING)

3

2

1

SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

* * *

*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step

I was running

*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step

I was running away from something that was beyond my comprehension

*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step

I was running across my school

*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step*step

I slowed down my run to see if I was being chased

*step *step *step

None was chasing me.

*step

I stopped to move.  
I was unable to remember if what I just saw was only an hallucination

"hey there"  
a manly voice called me

*sound of a f***ing gaebolg piercing an heart

"Arg"  
I grunted as my mouth was filled with blood and a painful shock shaken my whole body

I had a spear in my heart.  
my vision began to blurry.  
I felt the spear being removed  
without any kind of hold...I fell on the ground  
warm blood drenched my school uniform.

my eyes started to feel heavy, incredibly heavy...I wondered why, I was just very very sleepy

"today wasn't your lucky day, well now that you have seen me, you have to die, dead men tell no tales, and all that.  
Curse with your dying breath that you were born with no luck and no power"  
Said the same voice that called me before...I couldn't understand what was happening my brain had just stopped working.

and so warmed by own blood I fell asleep

* * *

THE HOMUNCULUS I

"Saturday, I love Saturdays everything that I love the most comes out on saturday: anime, new manga's chapters, my day off at work and I finally have time to play with my nintendo...until Jeanne wakes up... why can't she understand that Pokemons are not blasphemy"  
I thought opening my eyes.

I was in my soft double bed, light cotton blankets were covering my half naked bod- *achooo

"Right still winter... I should stop using the Fullbuster style"  
I muttered passing my index under my nose.

"cold cold cold"  
I endlessly repeated searching for the wool blankets.  
I had goose bumps as my desperate research for the Onepie...for my blanket remained fruitless...*achooo I sneezed again.

My room was too dark, it was early and despite the open curtains the only light shining in the room was the one of my alarm

5:59

"ok still 36 minutes too early to wake up besides I can't move my legs..."  
I whispered while my eyes got used to the darkness

...

6:00

"where is the bloody blanket?!"  
I thought returning to search my treasure

I was seriously beginning to freeze, maybe I should have just gotten up and turned on the light, or wore a shirt...or anything smart, but I wasn't exactly a morning homunculus so my mind didn't work properly. So after another attempt to find my blanket I gave up and remained immoble on my bed while my head sinked in a soft pillow.

6:01

"really where did it fall"  
I muttered as I stopped to worry about the cold and started to worry about the thing that I hate the most.

silence

6:02

for a full minute I ignored the cold and closed my eyes trying to fall asleep again. Yeah trying unfortunately for me my subconscious had other plans

"It's nostalgic uh"  
a voice inside my brain told me

that voice...was like claw made of ice crawling on my back, I didn't want to hear what it said so I just began to roughly inspire and expire the lavender perfumed air of the room.

"This silence"  
the voice continued

* ah eh ah eh  
I respired faster

"this loneliness"

and faster

"it's like your native place"

and faster

"Right S.I.E.G.1"

for some reason all the air stopped to move in my body, I couldn't respire anymore my breath died in my lungs.

"no, no no"  
I grunted trying to regulate my breathing. Unfortunately I just kept switching from hyperventilation to hypoventilation  
"No g-good"  
I whispered while memories of my damn glass prison appeared in front of my eyes,day after day, after day

"Aren't you a replaceable being?"  
the cursed voice in my head continued

"S-s-stop"

"Isn't nostalgic this silence"

"please stop"

"Why are you so afraid of remaining alone?"

and that was it, the voice broke through all my defences, I couldn't stay in this silence anymore;  
I had to get out, hear some music, watch an anime, read something, train ANYTHING I JUST HAD TO ESCAPE FROM THIS SILENCE.  
pushed by my visceral desire of running away I forced my legs to move, but I couldn't...I just realized they were entangled with something. Something slender, smooth and-

" eheh I'm not alone"  
I calmly said making the voice and those awful...frightful...terrible, Boku No Piko (Now you get the idea of how mess up I was feeling) memories stop.

6:03

then like nothing was wrong I turned to my right and extended my arms towards my one and only wife bringing her closer to me,

"So that's were the blanket was"  
I thought while I embraced Jeanne's body...that woman, always pulling away the blankets from me...

"time for the payback"  
I whispered in her ear once her body was pressed against mine.

I couldn't describe how Jeanne's warmth and her lavender perfume calmed my heart. I Filled my lungs with her fragrance and to get a bit of revenge I decided to tease a bit this wool thief, so began to lightly bite her earlobe

"mmmffff..."  
began to mutter the blonde woman pressing her body more against mine.

(Sieg's brain waves MOEMOEMOEMOEMOEMOEMOEMMOEMOEMOE MY WAIFU IS SO MOE MOE MOE  
Sieg's doctor "What the fuck is wrong with this encephalogram!?" )

Jeanne's attractive figure remained completely enveloped in my arms, we completed each other...and by that I mean that while I was only wearing pants she was wearing only a shirt, for a long five minutes I continued to tease my wife's ears and neck enjoying her cute grumblings and the feeling of her soft chest pressed against mine.  
Sincerely said it was a good thing my wife was insanely hot, being an homunculus and stuff kept me from having a strong desire of reproduction or other basal instincts but, with Jeanne being Jeannne I could easily overcome those handicaps...

"NO REACTION... I see this body of mine doesn't want to move"  
I thought after checking that all the skinship I was having didn't make my body more...bonier

"oh well it's still pleasant"  
I muttered hinting a smile while Jeanne unconsciously put her arms around my neck.

"nnnn...ice-cream"  
I heard Jeanne mutter with her usual musical voice.

"That's the holy maiden Jeanne d'arc for you, such a glutton "  
I whispered as that voracious woman started to list an insane amount of foods

it was something that could warm even my dragonic heart, watch this woman mutter about what she wanted to eat, or anything else so trivial; It was the proof that her who had always fought and lived for the others was finally leading her own life

"both of us want to make out the most from the second change have, right Ruler?"  
I whispered gently moving away Jeanne's arms from my neck.

"don't escape donut"  
the blonde woman said hugging tightly my pillow

so like that I got up from my bed

*sqeeek  
"damn this noisy bed"

and came out from the bedroom, while my wife was Biting? a pillow and the first sunrays of the day shaped the shadows of the room.

* * *

The first thing I did after waking up was, switch on the radio for that day I had enough of creepy hallucinating silents. I didn't particularly cared which broadcast resounded in the living of my attic, yes attic those that poor people will never be able afford (A/N Like me!...*depression), placed in skyscrapers, 90% of the walls are windows, all the furniture has some kind of purposelessly roundish design and everything...I mean EVERYTHING is or black or white or is made out of some prehistoric wood.  
THAT kind of attic where everything is so uselessly expensive that only thinking about breaking something makes your wallet cry in terror.

"And that's why Assassin will never buy an apartment again"

With some english song in the background I headed towards the kitchen and prepared my breakfast; a bowl of milk and Cheerios. Then i took a seat on the sofa and searched for an anime to watch, it was an hard decision but I ended up with watching psycho-pass.  
Two episodes, 50 minutes, 3000 seconds, the time I granted myself to progress with this series that I had to dig out from the black hole know as "List Of Anime To Watch".

"Just how am I supposed to keep up with all this new realises"  
I muttered turning off the television

It was 7:10, Jeanne would have woken up soon, so I just did the only thing that saves my artificial body from supplying a beautiful female servant with all my mana...take out from the fridge enough food to feed ten people. Cured meat, eggs, fruit, yogurt, toasted bread, butter and jam, all the things my wife usually have for breakfast were put on the table by my callous hands.

"Okay this can suffice...or not...ehehe, better if I prepare myself to be dried up"  
I muttered staring at that feast that could save from starvation God know how many people, but couldn't fill Jeanne's stomach.

I didn't have to wait for long before my goddess with morning hair came out the bedroom rubbing her eyes, moving her sleepy, naked feet on the floor Jeanne reached my side, kissed my cheek and muttered some kind of goodmorning (ahdgsjfmorning). Morning Jeanne was really a mess uncombed, matted and incapable to speak sentences with complete meaning but, it was when she was like this that I liked her the most; It was the complete opposite of the angelic valkyrie I first met all those years ago, yet exactly because she didn't look like an otherwordly beauty but like the woman I loved, my apathetic heart could still wince at her sight.

"Good morning to you too"  
I said embracing her from behind

Incapable to say anything except bits of words my wife caressed my right hand making our small golden rings tinkle against one another.

"..."  
Jeanne quietly stared at me

"what?"  
I gently asked

she then touched my left hand...the one that sometimes acts on his own...to be clear...was, how should put it, groping her

"fulness... Oh that!"  
I said surprised unwilling to move

"Don't mind it "  
I added sinking my face in her collarbone

Thank my dysfunctional body, I was finally having some Reaction, but after Jeanne's stomach began to grumble...I lost the mood, Dammit. So I released her from me and let her assault the table.  
It was one sided massacre the food had no change of surviving.

* * *

"So Whaw aawe youw plans fwr toway"  
Jeanne muttered brushing her teeth

"grrararararararararar pwa wake up Assassin and scout around the city to find clues about the other servants, almost everyone has already been summoned"  
I responded rinsing my mouth

"Be careful, otherwise I will have to save you like a dame in distress and then punish you for worrying me...can you pass me the dental floss"  
my wife said winking

"aw you're so cute when you go all deredere and favor me in the holy Grail war, here the floss"  
I retorted coming out from the bathroom.

"I'm not all Deredere, I mean I don't favor you in the War, I'm just... "

"being my cute tsundere Waifu"  
I suggested

"YES wait no"

"Yes you are, and we are out of milk"  
I finally stepped away

*step  
*step  
...

*backstep  
*backstep

"By the way...love ya too"  
I excused myself with just my neck in the room

"SIEG!"  
furiously blushed Jeanne, awww she was still so pure.

and so I walked away from my blonde goddess congratulating myself for escaping the troublesome Holy Grail War topic.  
"Now let's find the old man"  
I muttered while all the hormones capable of make me feel emotions disappeared from my bloodstream.

all the feelings that made me smile a minutes ago turned into nothingness and just like that I returned to my usual self; quiet, calculative, empty, sarcastic and ready to spout "it's a mother****ing jojo's reference.

* * *

It wasn't like I was now without emotions, it's just nothing was worthy of them..  
I was like Rei Ayanami, I have feelings maybe smaller than other people ones but they definitely exist, the problem lies in my incapacity of addressing them. practically every person inspire in me some kind of emotion, sometimes it burns, sometimes it's urticating and other times I can't simply define it. Given that it takes me a lot of time to figure out what I'm feeling usually I just ignore them and keep a polite attitude...like the people that work in a costumer care, they don't give a shit about your problem but act politely and do their job; like I do with strangers...I might be cold but at least I don't prejudge.  
Unfortunately my wife and servant do not like I "bottle my emotions away", like my heart was a wine shop, I don't bottle up emotions I ignore them until they disappear...It's easier...and doesn't require a bottle I can't find even on amazon. So to keep them quiet I do another thing, I give a word just one, it's the first step I take to start a relationship...for example Jeanne is LIGHT because she shines for me (corny), it's pure, sometimes blinding...hot and only after you find the right instrument you can discompose her and see all her colours and shades.  
In some way my word giving strategy is a bit narrow minded, after all you can't reduce a person to a single word, but it's a great help when I have to deal with acquaintances or people that to me will never be more than a word.  
I just hope Jeanne and Hachiman Don't discover it, I know they will worry and pretend I get past this naive form of categorization but first I'm freaking nine and second It's really a problem to desire only two or three genuine relationship, I have already a strange father and a loving wife what I can desire more...I wonder if a servant and a homunculus can procreate?

* * *

*tac

I turned on the light switch

"and there was light...a line from the bibble Jeanne would be so proud"  
I muttered entering in my old man's bedroom

It was a small room, (pretty messy in my opinion) it was orange, smelling of old paper and 70% of the furniture were bookshelves or other objects capable of containing books.

Maybe someone haven't realized it yet but...  
Assassin really liked books..(A/N*gasp)...and I liked them too..(A/N double gasp)..it was just that, to me 1300 books in 8 different languages were a bit...too much, who was I kidding! It's definitely too much, he spent tens of thousands yen each month in books; the only thing that stopped me from cutting off Assassin allowance was that... I expended nearly the same amount of money in figures without Jeanne's consent.

Assassin knew it and blackmailed me ...jerk.  
I had already hold back my desire to buy a 1: 100 model of a Gundam.

"Why he can keep his collection of books in his room, but I can't display all my figures in mine"  
I sulked walking beside Hachiman's bed.

the floor was carpeted of news papers and maps, Hachiman had worked no stop to find all the information possible about the Servant that have already been summoned.

"restless as usual eh"  
I said eyeing the siluette of my servant under the blankets of his bed

"okay time to give the cool speech you have prepared for the last nine years Sieg, the scenario is not the one you wanted but or now or never."  
I told myself and so

*shhriinnnnn"  
with a single movement I opened the dark blue curtains of the room, warm sunrays invested the dustyiest room of the attic, Now not even the mighty shield made of wool could hide all that light from Assassin.

"mmmmnnffffffffff"  
he grunted

so I SIEG, enveloped in the light of the morning, while all the dust particles in the room shone like small diamonds, rose my tattooed hand towards the sky. Then in my usual white shirt and black pants I began the best motivational speech ever.

speech program ACTIVATE

"So after nine long years the Holy Grail War has finally began"  
Now clench fist and slowly move it in front of the eyes

"You have trained me and we prepared for this war more than anyone else."  
close eyes with intensity and bend knees like a burden had just been placed on shoulders

"The battle now claim us"  
slowly rise

"So as you one and only Master I ask you!"  
stand proud, open eyes and point at the servant with the hand with the command seals

"are you ready Assassin?"  
wait for applauses, congratulation you have concluded your awesome speech.

"eehmmm yeah...still five minutes"  
Muttered my useless servant

suddenly I felt thousands of capillaries break in my brain

"he didn't hear a word did he..."  
I thought while small tear-drops ran on my face.

[casual watcher eyes-"HE is crying blooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodddd"-]

my pride was hurted, I had worked for a long time on that speech and and...HE DIDN'T HEAR A SINGLE WORD.  
He had offended my feeling...He must be punished, so I did the only thing a sister type characters always do right in anime.

"get out of that bed HACHIMAN"  
Wake up an older idiot

"Brat what the fuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak"

*sound of a servant smashed on the floor by a judo throw"

* * *

(ten minutes later and half hour of Cruel Angel Thesis to calm down Sieg)

"Once more..."  
I said staring to a sleepy old man with a IV in his eyes

speech program ACTIVATE

rose my tattooed hand towards the sky

"So after nine long years the Holy Grail War has finally began"  
Now clench fist and slowly move it in front of the eyes

"You have trained me and we prepared for this war more than anyone else."  
close eyes with intensity and bend knees like a burden had just been placed on shoulders

"The battle now claim us"  
slowly rise

"So as you one and only Master I ask you!"  
stand proud, open eyes and point at the servant with the hand with the command seals

"are you ready Assassin?"  
wait for applauses, congratulation you have concluded your awesome speech.

"yeah yeah, I'm ready... explain me again why we are on top of a skyscraper"  
Assassin responded in a bored fashion while his breath condensed in the air.

"because it's cool"  
I stated in serious voice

"yes in fact I'm freezing let's go to Jeanne"  
retorted that old man still wearing his white with red hearts pajama

"you're no fun"  
I groaned

"yeah things that happens, like being thrown away from my bed to go to freeze my balls early in the morning"  
He said rising his shoulder and moving towards the exit

"AW fine I'm sorry...for not having beaten you up more"  
I retorted annoyed by the dark man with terrible taste in pajamas

"Did I just hear a lack of respect brat"  
Assassin slowly turned his eyes on me, his deadly creepy eyes

"Oh...damn, I triggered him. I must not stare his eyes or I will be under his genjustu"  
I told myself aware that I could start to burn in a black flame in a matter of seconds.

"NOooooooo how could I talk to you without respect"  
I said to save my artificial ass, unfortunately the fear alternated my voice so I sounded sarcastic

for a few seconds the world seemed to have stopped moving, the only sound resounding on that roof was the howl of the wind...and some random dude that was late for work and couldn't find his keys.  
Exactly the time I needed to finish my testament, it was a single line [ I DO NOT POSSES ANY VINTAGE HENTAIS, IF SOMEONE FIND THEM THEY ARE NOT MINE]

*crunch  
Assassin cracked his fists  
I was so dead

"Hey brat I just decided that our daily spar is gonna be hold her-"

"AH-A FOUND THEM BYE BYE I'M LATE"

"Wait Daddy you have to take me to school"

*sound of a car leaving and a potential childhood trauma

"e...isn't that Kawaki's son"  
concluded Assassin after our neighbors shenanigans

"nope that kid down there is the son of miss Saiomi"  
I responded

"no way? he has gotten so big!"

"it's the age they grow up after all"

"your right Master, I remember when your beard began to grow you were so confused ...what were we talking about"

"about the cowboy bebop marathon we will do this evening"  
I lied

"oh riiiight...but one thing first."  
Assassin said putting an hand under his chin.

"what?"  
I asked smelling the perfume of victory, I had just dodged a spar with an angry Hikigaya Hachiman...that had more than 8 hours of sleep...basically an one man army.

"DODGE!"  
He screamed dashing towards me  
suddenly the perfume of victory smelled like shit.

* * *

"ARGHHHH"  
I grunted parrying a powerful punch with my crossed arms.

"a spar fight with Hachiman...Nothing out of usual"  
I thought gaining distance from my pajama wearing opponent

a few steps back , the only thing that I had to do now was step back and assume my fighting stance. It wasn't difficult Assassin wanted to have a "fair fight" so his attack just now was a preventive strike to set the mood. Feet solidly on the ground, knees in tension and fist up, three basic things I spent years to learn properly under the tutelage of Assassin and Jeanne.

"move your right foot half centimetre further"  
told me Assassin assuming his fighting stance.

I immediately corrected, eyeing in the meantime my opponent, no my sensei, no...my SHISHOU. Our postures in this moment resembled each other, both of us had no openings yet I knew we were different, very different.

"Now we shall have a bare handed fight, you are in disadvantage because the sword is you main weapon and so you will unconsciously try to defend more your arms, try to keep that in mind"  
Hachiman said...like he did every single time we fight without weapons

"bare-handed so no magic...this is gonna be tough"  
I thought studying a plan

First the zone; three satellite antennas and nothing else, using the battle field for some kind of strategy was out of questions  
Second escape route; none that didn't imply jumping down the skyscraper also the distance between me and assassin was around five metres too short, he could reach me in a second  
Third the opponent; Assassin was in his IV mode...Isshiki's one, the most difficult to hit among the various mode but also the one that likes to tease more, I could try a psychological attack and find an opening during one of his evasions...that meant I had to fight aggressively

" we will fight for three minutes if you land two direct hits you win"  
Assassin stated concluding the rules of our mock battle

I had 180 seconds...so no time to waste.  
dashing through the small cloud my breath made in the wintery air I started the fight. My first move was roundhouse kick aimed to Assassin's neck, nothing to flashy just an ordinary kick to start the deadly dance of Oroboro the Tiānguó zhī hé de quántóu, the fist of the heavenly river...or somenthing tawdry similar.  
Assassin immediately responded to my attack anticipating my blow, his elbow connected with my leg absorbing my strike and returning another roundhouse kick the third move of Tiānguó zhī hé de quántóu

"First principle of Tiānguó zhī hé de quántóu, anticipate, endure, read the flow of each strike and bend it to your will"  
I reminded watching the foot of my opponent aim at my cheek

"...dejavù wonder how Caules is doing"

To counter Assassin's attack I immediately performed the fourth move of Tiānguó zhī hé de quántóu, I rose my left hand fast like a lightning and let bending it until the right point I absorbed all the power of the strike with minimal damage (my PALM HURTED LIKE HELL), then I shifted my weight on my right leg that had just regained footing after my first kick and with a small spin I closed even more the distance with Assassin. It took me less than a second all the strenght I received from Assassin kick and mine was given back with my fist drove towards Assassin

"Second principle of Tiānguó zhī hé de quántóu never lose momentum each blow must become faster and stronger"

I didn't expected nothing from my punch, Assassin and I were still within the first ten moves of Tiānguó zhī hé de quántóu, every strike was still relatively slow, it was still possible to take a blow without receiving serious damage and most important not me nor Assassin was enchanting his strength; so we needed at least other five exchanges to build up enough power and speed.

the next moments of the fight were just a me and him striking and countering each other raising up the speed of every blow, we were like the rapids of a river, fists, feet, elbows, knees it didn't matter which part of our body we were going to strike with, the other would have already prepared the perfect counter.  
My breathing was intense but regular and all my muscles (and I mean all even those people doesn't think exist) were pleasantly aching a few sweat drops fell from my forehead, I didn't want to back off. Assassin and I reached the fifteenth move in a matter of seconds but then my opponent did an unexpected thing, he let himself be hit by my foot in the centre of his chest and was propelled a few metres backward

"One direct hit,"  
I thought gasping for air,

I was...happy, yes it was happiness, I managed to land a strike yet something was off Assassin didn't even tried to counter my last blow.

"Good job brat now come at me seriously"  
he mocked me with a creepy grin while his hand invited me

It's pretty shameful to say that I fell so easily to his cheap provocation, I acted on instinct, I didn't think too much I just wanted to erase that grin.

"my heart resonates...  
heat enough to burn...  
my blood' beat is razor sharp  
SUNLIGHT YELLOW OVERDRIVE"

I screamed projecting myself in front of Assassin

I began to storm with my fists faster than any boxer ever could yet, I was unable to even graze Hikigaya, he dodged every single punch with bare minimum movements, there wasn't any kind of waste. It was frustrating every time I believed I hit him he just slipped past my attacks

"ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA"  
not even my war shout helped me.

He was playing with me...dressed with that damn shirt full of little hearts, what a sick joke.  
Since my punches had apparently bored him Assassin did a back flip (cool!) creating some distance between us...Good... and then dashed towards me driving his left elbow in my stomach...Bad.

"Ugh "  
I grunted while in my damaged brain arrived a strange conversation:

["HI stomach-chan"

"Elbow-senpai i missed you, it's been so long"

"yeah I missed you too"]

"...Fuck now I ship them!"  
I muttered while Assassin slipped behind my back and performed a german suplex

"oh you gotta be kiddin-"  
I thought before my skull was cracked...weren't three minutes passed already!

A painful shock ran through my body, I could feel my vertebrae hugging each other and a warm stream of blood filling my nose...ehw it was like smelling molten iron.  
the only good thing was that the floor of the roof was unexpectedly comfy and warm  
(A/N actually his damaged brain is just sending random signals, the roof is cold)  
"...Nice I could get used to"  
I whispered deepening my relationship with the floor tiles.

"Hey brat get up you have still a minute worth of sparring and you still have to land one hit in order to win"  
Assassin said with his usual bored tone

"mmmmmmmm don't wanna please help me my proud servant"  
I moaned lying with my bloodied face towards the sky

"yare yare incoming"  
He groaned slowly walking towards my immobile body while a conspicuous amount of blood was accumulated in my mouth

"Do you surrender?"  
Asked me Assassin starring in my eyes from above

"NOW!"  
I screamed in my head resorting to the cheapest trick I could imagine

Spitting blood in my opponent face...not very heroic, but I JUST WANTED TO WIN. For a moment time slowed down, I knew It was the time of a blink of an eye yet I clearly saw my bloody spit reach Assassin's face blinding him, he was very surprised or disgusted I wasn't really good at reading faces. Thanks to God with my dirty move I managed to buy a second, not much of course but, enough to let stand up with a shot of kidneys and drive my left fist towards Assassin's chin

"do not dodge it, do not dodge it"  
I prayed before...that Mother****er dodged my fist at point blank range

"Oh Fuck you!"  
I screamed falling back .

"Spitting blood really? It's dirty and unfair...did I ever tell you how much I'm proud of you"  
laughed off Assassin cleaning his face with the right sleeve of his pajama.  
Now he seemed to have come out from a series D horror movie

"Com'on let's end this"  
I said tired of this morning spar

Starring in Assassin's dead eyes I dirty my left hand's fingers with the blood on my face.

"Oh you wanna end it like this? peculiar"  
He said biting his left thumb and dying his fingers of red too

(SUMMONING JUSTU...nope)

"The snake"  
I began drawing an infinite on my right hand back, exactly on my command seals

"bares its fangs"  
concluded Assassin doing the same.

* * *

Hebi wa sono kiba o hadaka ni suru or for normies the snake bares its fangs.

The only pure offensive move in the whole Tiānguó zhī hé de quántóu (A/N ahaha I switch from japanese to chinese...why I never keep things simple); while all the other techniques of the official martial art of Oroboro are based on counters this one is the purest form of attack.  
Rarely executed outside sparring, this move consists in fifty steps with the purpose of built up as much speed and power allowed to the user body, It's an extremely occasional move that each martial artist personalize in order to make use of skills at best.  
To "launch" the snake fangs challenge is obligatory to draw with blood the infinite symbol of Oroboro on the back of the right hand...what a damn Chuuni thing do to

* * *

"1"  
first step  
"2"  
second step  
"3"  
I began to count in my mind moving my feet and arms in precise position.  
my eyes began to spin as an incredible amount of kinetic energy flowed within my body  
4  
5  
6  
7  
8  
9  
faster I had to be faster: jumps, one hand standings the list of motions I was about to do on one spot would have made run away in shame every break-dancer in the world  
10  
11  
12  
13  
14  
15  
16  
17  
18  
19  
every muscle was contracted and relaxed at insane speed, my lungs felt heavy  
"...Must...regularize... breathing"  
I struggled to think while the world around me was turning in deformed color stains  
20  
21  
22  
23  
24  
25  
26  
27  
28  
29  
30  
Point of no return after the thirtieth step, I had gathered all the power possible while remaining on a single spot, It was time to advance  
31  
32  
33  
the most difficult part of the whole technique, three movement that converted all the spinning kinetic energy in horizontal one  
*crack  
The floor cracked as I concluded the 33th step and propelled myself towards Assassin...not to point out how awesome I was but...I was practically at the speed of sound  
34  
35  
36  
37  
38  
39  
40  
41  
42  
43  
44  
45  
46  
47  
fourteen movements, the last fourteen movements consisting in some steps, a front-flip and two cartwheels, which only purpose was increase my speed at maximum  
48  
"find footing for your left foot"  
I told myself  
49  
"aim your opponent"  
50  
"strike with your most powerful kick"  
I screamed

*bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
a terrifying roar ripped the air around me and Assassin as our legs had clashed, my pants were tore up, I could feel cracks in my bones but, I was optimistic...I had been faster than Assassin I saw it when our kicks collided yet, something went wrong... in the second our blows reached each other...I stared at the fifty one movement

Assassin had not done the usual right ultrasonic kick, he had done a left ultrasonic kick.  
when my blow connected he wasn't searching for comparison of power...he was looking for more power. Unfortunately when I came to this realization it was too late all the power I had gathered, had already been absorbed in Hikigaya's leg.

the next few instants in my eyes were just five things: the Hachiman's left foot soundless cracking the floor, his light spin, that damned right heel of his aimed at my face moving at frightening speed, those all knowing dead eyes and the words  
"anticipate, endure, read the flow of each strike and bend it to your will"

"I'm dead."  
I thought closing my eyes

...

(noise of compressed air*waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm)

...  
"or maybe not"  
I whispered peeking to my side

...there was an heel at two millimetres from my head, suddenly my knees felt weak and I sloped on the ground

(sound of an homunculus that has probably wet himself falling on the ground *tunf)

"I lost"  
I muttered running away from a heart attack, I couldn't move I was too tired

"and can you tell me why?"  
asked Assassin fatherly

"You are too strong"  
I whispered gathering the small amount of air I still had within my lungs

"Wrong..."

"then Wh...y"  
I questioned raising my eyes from the ground to Assassin.

I was without words h-h-he was all bloodied, like he had just ran through a mincer

"What's the principle number zero of the whole Tiānguó zhī hé de quántóu?"  
he responded uncaring of his situation

"he must had reduced himself in that pitiful condition because he stopped the blow before hitting me"  
I thought incapable of staring at Hachiman's blood stained pajama

"Oi brat I asked you a question"  
he roared

"y-you are weak"  
I began with trebling voice

" so the strongs will always start above you"  
continued quietly as I gained more confidence

" yet you will never be defeated if you can turn their strength in yours, evolve, be smart, be creative, be effective and never stop progressing"

"that's right...so next time you have to bare your fangs, not mine or someone elses, it's time you create something on your own"

"you aren't just saying I should come up with my own version of the technique right?"

"who knows"

* * *

"Hey honey..."  
I limped in the attic while Jeanne was getting ready to head out

"Yes Sieg"  
she responded casually giving me her shoulder

"Do you remember that pants I bought on sale last week?"  
I introduced the hot topic

"They are in the second wardrobe"  
My wife said brushing her golden hairs

"ah no I didn't meant the red ones that...what was it...made my butt look tight?"

"my favorites...I mean which pants do you mean the black ones?"  
she asked slowly turning herself

"Yeah I kinda tored them"  
I played it calmly

"what the hell happened!?"  
Jeanne outbursted

I wondered why, it wasn't like I was bloodied, with my clothes tored, a potential cranic trauma and the pants I bought a week ago ruined...I might be seeing her point now

"well it's a funny story actuall-"  
I began,

"morning spar"  
Cut me down Assassin walked in the attic even more messed up than me...surpring enough this calmed Jeanne

"Couldn't you two at least avoid to destroy those pants they were of a good brand!"  
She complained puffing her cheeks

"must supress...the waifu...vibes"  
I muttered grasping my heart...too much cuteness together I had to control

"Sieg are you okay?"  
my kawiife (ahaha get it kawaii and wife together...Sieg you are a damn genius) rushed besides me

"mmmhhmmmmmm"  
I muttered nodding as my wife unconsciously wasn't helping at all

"please stop being cute, just do something like having your stomach growling please"  
I thought leaning on Jeanne's shoulder

"ah he is gonna be fine"  
said Assassin cold as usual.

but as much I hate to admit it, I really felt fine a few moment later, I was sure it was all thanks to Jeanne... not some coffee drinking servant who had just turned in his "I" mode and healed me with his magic...no way  
it was thanks to L-O-V-E

"see all healthy and sturdy"  
muttered him sipping hot coffee from a cup Bleach themed.

"Can't you hold back a bit more?"  
took my defences Jeanne

"Nope"

"I see..."  
returned to prepare herself.

"Really just like that, fight for me more "  
I complained in my head

I grabbed a few sheets of scottecs and began to clean my face planning to take a shower of something in the immediate future.

"then I'm off"  
said my wife opening the entrance door...aww she was wearing the coat we bought all those years ago in Romany

"Where are you going?"  
I asked still a bit dirty of blood

"I'm going to Mass, then to speak with Kotomine Kirei and then to do the shopping...we are out of..."  
she responded counting on her fingers

"Milk, we are out of milk, How about we meet outside for lunch and eat somewhere?"  
I offered scratching my chin

"Saize"  
Assassin said

"NO WE ARE NOT GOING TO THE DAMN SAIZE!"  
"NO WE ARE NOT GOING TO THE DAMN SAIZE!"  
My wife and I retorted to that cheap food loving servant

"fine...fine...I like you two more, when you were in highschool and didn't retorted so badly...sigh"  
Sulked Hikigaya returning to have breakfast

"uff... okay shall we meet at 1PM in centre then decide where to go?"  
returned to the original topic Jeanne

" Perfect, have you enough Mana for today?"  
I asked concerned for her well being

"Don't worry I'm equipped"  
She responded smiling with her beautiful white teeth and taking out something from her bag

It was a package of red gummy bears...if you omit that they were made with sugar, gelatine and my blood, the entire scene would have been pretty cute...naaaa it was still cute even with some gory elements.

"have a nice day"  
I told my wife checking her slender thighs hidden by a pair of blue jeans

"Still NO REACTION...don't I have some kind of fetish to use?"  
I thought remaining disappointed of my biology.

without another word Jeanne left the attic ready to start her Ruler's and wife's duties, I was really a lucky homunculus...take that ever virgin harem protagonists, so as I was out of my blonde goddess field-view I reached my Nintendo on the couch and began to level up my Samurot,  
"Level 100 I'm coming"  
I happily mumbled tapping on the console's buttons

"You have noticed, right?"  
Asked me Assassin quietly

I could feel his "I" eyes pointed on me...I wanted to ignore his question...but avoiding the matter wasn't something I could really allow myself to

"Yeah...She is hiding something"  
I sighed with cold voice

I had known it since she smiled, there was definitely something wrong

"what do you think it is, news about a servant she can't disclose? "  
I wondered stopping to move my fingers

"maybe, standing to the news there have been quite a few murders in the past two weeks...none under seven years old was killed and all the victims seemed _dried"  
_ reported Assassin heading towards his room

"Definitely the work of a servant in need of Mana, the number of murders is too low so It can't be a servant from the three knight class or a Berserker...perhaps a Caster"  
I voiced my thoughts

but after I said so *stun a newspaper hit my head

"No I believe the killer is a Rider, besides watch six offices in the past few days have launched a gas alarm, all the male employees had mysteriously fainted after a light pink gas appeared. It was a precise and indirect job most likely this is Caster work "  
Lectured me Assassin pointing at the title of the newspaper.

"So we have two servant with mana issues...it makes them careless and dangerous for by standers.. is it this that Jeanne is hiding?"  
I elaborated all the information

"dunno, but collecting all the information I could about those two servant I made this"  
said Assassin placing a map on the kitchen table

"what is it?"  
I asked walking towards my servant

"what do you think it is brat, a map of course...see the triangles and the crosses"  
he said pointing his index on the map

It was the latest version of the whole area of Fuyuki, I searched all the crosses and triangles noticing that beside each symbol was written a date...How long did it take to Assassin to do everything, probably he didn't sleep much the past few days. Judging from It was clear that hunt zone of two servants were completely different and that Caster had been summoned way earlier than Rider.

"Now follow my reasoning"  
began Hikigaya drawing a circle around all the crosses with a red pen

"here we have all the places in which Caster harvested Mana"  
said pointing on each one

"The most recent is from a month ago"  
I pointed out, judging from Hachiman's eyes I just said what he wanted me to

"And that means..."

"Caster is dead!"

"...What did I tell you about being optimistic?"

"It will kill me...Caster stopped to harvest mana a month ago. It means he was able to gather enough power to create his bounded field and collect mana in a more stealthy way, right Assassin?"

"Correct Master, see that when you use your brain something useful can come out yet, you have made one mistake...Caster isn't a he it's a she"

"How do you know that?"

"Brat...a pink gas, only man affected, doesn't ring any bell?"

"oh NO"

"oh yes"

"A filter of love with mana absorption properties"  
I said exasperated smashing my palm on the forehead

"Exactly"

"Damn is ancient magic Assassin this Caster can use a potion nobody could distill for more than 2000 years "

" She must be from ancient Greek or from an even older age"

"this really sucks...why do you seem so unaffected from the whole thing"  
I complained lowering my hand.

Hikigaya had maintained his usual poker face all the time, it was suspicious...he surely just wanted to say something cool now.

"because I already tracked her down, you see-"

"she is at the Ryuudo temple right?"

"..."

"It's the most strategic spot and the centre of her hunt zone"

"You couldn't let me do a cool explanation..could you"  
sulked Assassin pinching his nose bridge in his fingers

"Yeah how does it feels to have your cool speech ruined eh Assassin"  
revenge taste was so sweet

"Okay my bad...Caster is indeed in the Ryuudo temple; the increase of people fainting casually around the area is the proof that a bounded field is absorbing mana in the zone, ehm "

"What...what was that ehm for, you always sigh like this when something is wrong"

"Well, Caster servant if provided enough can summon a low level servant..."

"So to beat Caster we might first kill a miniboss, nothing too shocking, we can easily wait for a servant from the three knight class to take it down "  
I said unfazed

"Yeah...about that, the servant Caster summoned is kinda an Assassin and he is interfering with me..."  
told me Hikigaya like he had just found out the zip of his jeans was open...

"what?"  
I blinked multiple times and cleaned my ears

"we must take down this fake Assassin as soon as possible or my existence as a servant will become unstable... or more than already is "

*stan  
Hachiman's words reached me like an hammer, I smashed my head on the table out of...irritation yeah irritation

"You know that means completely discarding our main plan of setting up fights between the other servants and control the whole war from the shadows."  
I muttered with my nose compressed on the table

"Third rule of Oroboro"

"aaaaaahhhhhhhhh make plans until z"  
I groaned rising my head

"that's right. Besides this fake Assassin is a low level servant, I can take it down easily using a Noble Phantasm,hell probably even you can defeat him with the proper strategy... the only drawback is that some information about us will be leaked."  
said my servant being...optmistic...impossible he was going to spat some kind of scary warning, 1,2 ,3 now

"After all if we can't even take down a trash servant like this one, we will brutally murdered int his war"  
...exactly what I was narrating about

"Fine...this afternoon we check all the equipment for the fight...and then kill the guy...you know where this dude is right?...Can we take a pause "  
I said concluding the Caster conversation

I was well aware that I should have mmmm progressed more this topic, maybe discussing a plan or something...but checking the time I realized an anime I wanted to watch started in two minutes, so I just put in order my priorities

"of course Master"  
Accepted Assassin over politely

for a moment my red eyes and Hikigaya numbered ones fixed each other...our second daily battle was about to start. I tensed my muscle turned my head and dashed towards a specific direction, Unfortunately my servant had outspeeded me...he was already on the couch and the TV was tuned on PrettyCure ...I couldn't really complain about that. So putting aside my Master's pride I joined him mumbling the opening song of the anime I was about to watch.

* * *

(25: 37 minutes later)

"Next time"  
said a Maho Shojo on the screen of the tv at the end of the PreCure episode

"Ah turn it off, Assassin turn it off I don't want any spoiler"  
I jumped on behind the couch covering my ears

" Ah you are such pain master"  
groaned Assassin turning off the Tv

"uff save"  
I muttered returning to sit beside my servant.

"good job me even today you dodge spoilers"  
I thought sinking in the pillows of the sofa

Today I had been slow, I had nearly seen the next episode teaser...such a naive mistake.

"I don't understand why you are so obstinate in avoiding, the teaser of the next episode"  
Hikigaya complained standing up.

"Live you with the only person on the earth that knows each anime produced until 2088"  
I threw a pillow towards him.

he dodged it...naturally, It was so frustrating when I forgot how untouchable Assassin was. Following his example I stood up and followed my servant again beside the table of the kitchen, where the map with Rider's movements waited for me.

"You know I'm also the only person alive that knows the end of Berserk right?"  
Hikigaya boasted sitting in his usual spot

"stop reminding me of that...why the narration is still on hiatus, but must important why are you still in that pajama!"  
I retorted while my patience had been worned out by my damn servant.

Trying to return to serious matters I placed my hands on the map. All the triangles on it where places where Rider had attacked, there were 8 marks all of them in east Fuyuki

"So...Rider, what do we know"  
I began eyeing the map trying to find some hints on the map

"apart from its need of mana nothing precise"  
responded Assassin spinning a pen in his hand

"well first things first, Rider's hunt zone is thinner than Caster's one and is focused on residential districts..."  
I said squeezing my meninges

"Rider's servant heavily rely on their Noble Phantasm to fight, without enough mana they are pretty done for...yet is strange..."

"What is strange Hikigaya"

"It doesn't make sense why Rider only attacked in residential areas, attacking a factory in the industrial area would be faster and easier to hide...I mean with the power of a servant is easy create an explosion, a single boom then you slaughter a few workers and the game is done. A lot of mana harvested, less risk to be seen and all the other master would take more time to realize what's going on, even if the factory is placed in Caster's hunt zone"

"...for some reason now I'm happy you're not an enemy, but you're right something is fishy, or maybe it's not"  
I rose my hand towards the sky

"What do you mean?"

"We are thinking too much about the servant, let's focus on the Master, look"  
I robbed Assassin of his pen

with a swifth movement I drew a single line that passed on all the triangles of the map

"Let's assume the master of Rider is a third rate Magus or worse and that he or she harvest mana only in the residential area because the industrial one is too near to Caster's zone"  
I said quietly...

"that would mean Rider's master is the last arrived...he is well aware of how the Holy Grail War works"  
Hikigaya blinked no-stop probably something was in his eyes (A/N no Sieg, he was blinded by your shining genius, that or the pride of a father, choose you)

"Exactly waga no servant...I mean my servant, the master of Rider must be a member of the three founding families, namely Tohsaka, Matou, Einzbern.

"and if we count that Tohasaka and Einzbern are first tier Magi..only a member of the Matou family can be the Master we are searching."  
Muttered Assassin voicing my thoughts

"Now watch between what all the triangles"  
I said drawing a circle around two things

"Fuyuki's Highschool and Matou's residence...I can't believe I haven't noticed before. The master is a Matou brat for goodness sake"  
softly punched his own head Hikigaya

"nice job Sieg"  
whispered my servant rising an hand

"Thanks"  
I said shaking his hand

(A/N Sieg was supposed to high five it)

"today we have done a lot of progress...thanks saturday everything is better with you"  
I thought heading towards the shower while Assassin was finally going to wear something proper.

both of us were still wearing tored and bloodied clothes.

"Hey master I realized I mighy have problem"  
told me my servant wearing a cheap t-shirt

Oh...optmism really was going to kill me one day

"What is it? Please don't tell that even Rider is a problem with your summoning"  
I suppressed my tears

"No I mean **I** might have a problem"  
repeated Assassin like I could understand what he meant just like tha..t ohhhhh

"ah **you** might have a problem, your younger self that...is...in the same...highschool...of..Rider's...master"  
I intended snapping my fingers at first energically and then like I was keeping the time for a funeral choir.

"what are the odds he finds himself in the middle of the war?"  
I asked scared of the answer

"I just say that if the temporal space continuum breaks it wasn't my fault...it was **my** fault"  
responded Assassin raising his shoulders

"Time travel is bullshit!"

* * *

"soooooo, tell me brat when we were supposed to meet gamine"  
Asked me Assassin adjusting his sunglasses

"fifteen minutes ago"  
I responded annoyed

Really my wife was a lot of beautiful things yet punctual was not one of those things. My servant and I were currently in the middle of the shopping district waiting for Jeannne to arrive, we were supposed to meet at 1 PM to have lunch together, yet It was 1: 15 PM and of her not even the shadow. Of course as the caring husband I was, I was ready to wait for her as long as it would take, enduring the cold air of winter just putting my hands in the pockets of my old brown coat. Unfortunately Assassin wasn't of the same advice and since 1: 02 had begun to ask how late Jeanne was every...

"soooooo, tell me brat when we were supposed to meet gamine"

34.8 seconds, tenth plus tenth less

"Always fifteen minutes ago Hikigaya"  
I groaned fixing my eyes towards the servant

He was shameless when food comes in too play, between Jeanne and him I didn't know who was worse...and the worst thing was that I thought Assassin was normal when I was in highschool

"...how many years wasted to understand he was a complete antisocial with poor manners and a rotten personality."  
I thought shaking my head

From outside you wouldn't believe it. After all with all his dark clothes and sunglasses Hikigaya seemed a respectable Japanese man...okay maybe respectable is an exaggeration, let's say a yakuza with businessman traits. Some people could even find him attractive.  
Unfortunately the game changes when people discover in his death eyes and begin to know him.  
Lazy, irritable, awkward and cold, that's what he was.  
yet he could be wise, patient, understanding and warm

"soooooo, tell me brat when we were supposed to meet gamine"

"And maybe it's why to me Hikigaya is the best and the worst person in the world."  
I told myself hinting a smile

"Sorry I'm late, did you wait for long"  
arrived Jeanne slightly panting with reddened cheeks...cute

"No we have just arrive-"

"Sieg is lying we have been here for fifteen minutes"  
said Assassin cutting off my masterfully crafted lie

"really I'm sorry"

"ah don't sweat over it, you're her now that's what matter"  
I said embracing her

at first Jeanne was surprised by my sudden demonstration of L-O-V-E but she quietly let herself loose in my arms, I was...happy to smell her fragrance after a long morning, but I was even happier to disperse the dogs. But who are the dogs? someone might think, well the answers is simple; the dogs are all the stupid humans that start watching my wife around the streets and might dare to approach her.

"Yeah get away, get away you Dogs, this premium article is no longer for sale"  
I mumbled while my left hand wandered on Jeanne's butt.

"Sieg! we are in public"  
muttered my wife blushing

"fulness...don't mind it"  
I said only focusing on my tactile sensations

and I could feel it, I could feel it a REACTION is coming and

*growl  
My goddess' stomach complained for the lack of food...Dammit

"Are we finally going to eat or you two want to rent a room"  
complained Assassin

"ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...let's go"  
I said unable to re-find my mood.

* * *

"Menus how the most wonderful kind of written document. They tease your eyes and imagination before pointing at your stomach...But what does it means when this books instead of food feed you with lies...it means someone didn't do his job properly"  
I thought as a waiter told me the dish I wanted to order was guess what OUT OF ORDER

per se the whole thing wasn't really a problem but, when the same situation happened three times within half hour and that Dog waiter had continued to stare at my wife's chest...I was going to get angry.  
There was no mistake the burning feeling in my belly was anger...and huger, let's say a 80% 20%

"do you want some of my curry rice, or grilled fish or mampo or [...]"  
asked my Jeanne after I ordered the lunch for the fourth time

"No thank you"  
I said smiling and cutting off the endless list of dishes she had ordered

"Really I see your hungry, try this mampo is delicious"  
she raised a spoon full of mampo towards me smiling.

"Don't worry, I'm fine and you have to replish your mana...besides is it normal that just starring that thing my eyes are weeping?"  
I refused calmly

that was close, I had almost accepted hypnotized by her white teeth and violet eyes but, I couldn't really steal food from Jeanne...expecially Mampo, It was beyoind my comprension how she could like a food so spicy so much.

"Are you very sure...please say ahh"  
my wife unleashed an ultimate move

"Fuck...me"  
I mumbled

I couldn't refuse her, so opening my mouth and leaning I headed towards a land of no return.  
"ahhhh"

"and there"  
Jeanne stuffed the spoon in my mouth.

Once the spicy food landed on my tongue I actually thought "No bad", then "ah spicy", "really spicy", "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH". I had never been set aflame before...but I guess the feeling is nearly the same.

"So how is it?"  
she Jeanne asked me in her usual cute fashion

"g-g-goodd...may I have some water"  
I managed to say after the risk of autocombustion was gone

*click  
"And this go in the family album"  
said Assassin snapping a photo with his smartphone

I was about to complain about that but my food arrived before I could. Then hunger beaten anger and the rest is story.

* * *

After my so called "family" finished to eat and came out from the restaurant, the first thing I did was; leave a horrible recension on trip advisor...it was the only Idea I had after

"...maybe I should have just turned the whole place into ashes, a small price for the waiter after he indulged his eyes on my wife."

It was a good thing I learned how to control anger, being an emotionless homunculus and stuff wasn't really a bonus when I had to control emotions I wasn't used to. So many anti-stress ball destroyed.

"so I think I will stop in the library for a while, I will contact you Master later"  
said Assassin disappearing in the crowd of the shopping district.

"Thank god he knows when I want to spend some marital time"  
I thought walking and in the hand with Jeanne

we didn't have a destination we just walked around enjoying each other presence, Saint valentine was near all the alleys were festively decorated it was truly beautiful...for the first ten minutes then the endless array and baby angels made me sick.

"Do you want a coffee or something"  
I asked to my wife, that blissfully ignored me.

Apparently I had first to distract her from a...pastry shop?  
We had literally finished to eat ten minutes ago but, it was a surplus for my plans so I guess it was fine. Still thank God everything she ate turned into mana, I wouldn't dare to imagine what would happen otherwise...chubby Jeanne.  
Unable to resist the urge to accomplish my husbands duties, I gently dragged Jeanne inside the pastry shop, I knew she wanted to enter more than I did.  
Once we made our way inside the shop an old lady I labelled as Cotton, made us sat down in a table for two and brought us two menus.  
...I really hoped at least she knew how to do her job!

"So What does my glutton princess want to order?"  
I teased Jeanne caressing her hand

"MOU don't call me like that...two hot chocolates please"  
she responded hiding her nose beneath her purple pullover.

Fun fact I coud still see a furious blush on her face...too much cuteness

"as you wish Hime-sama"  
I slightly bowed continuing to be the proud knight of the glutton princess

Even more embarrassed than before Jeanne stocked out her tongue in a priceless grimace.  
"You are not funny Sieg"

"But you're the cutest when you are embarrassed"  
I promptly responded winking.

Garnet, Ruby, Crimson yeah pretty much all shades of red were now on my wife's face. Nine years with her have yielded very much.

"we are ready to order...what eh two hot chocolates and an Earl gray tea...yes two chocolates"  
Jeanne searched for a way out using her most trusted ally the food

"I guess I had already teased her enough."  
I thought slighty smiling...my wife knew what I wanted to order without I even told her, she was so caring

(two minutes later)

"So how did the scouting with Hikigaya go?"  
Asked me my wife sipping her hot drink...I was sure mine was better

"A pretty well we know where to find the Caster and Rider servants, now we just need to confirm the summoning of Archer and Saber"  
I responded at ease sugaring my tea

"you have been quick...Did you and Assassin do something illegal to obtain those information?"  
Jeanne looked at me with inquisitive eyes

"define illegal...in the garage we already have enough to be convicted as terrorists"

"Kidnappings, torture?"

"who do you think we are?!"

"Hikigaya and you always came out with bizarre things so I keep myself ready for anything"

"...fair... ehm"

" What...what was that ehm for, you always sigh like this when something is wrong"

"Now wrong is a big word, let's say something is unexpected..."

"Go on"

"Assassin and I are going to fight a servant tonight"

"Oh I see"  
said Jeanne calmly, however it was clear she was anxious... the cup of hot chocolate in her hand kinda turned into pieces...good thing it was already empty

"Jeanne relax, we knew this moment was going to come one day"  
I told her caressing her soft cheek

"yes, I know...it's just it can't be helped, I'm worried"  
she muttered grasping my hand and making our rings tingle

"I know but Hikigaya got my back and I have a trump card up on my sleeve"  
I spat somekind of shounen protagonist no-sense

"Are really you going to use **that card** again Sieg? It will consume you"

"Maybe, but these nine years I spent training have not been meaningless... besides if everything ends up well it will be up to you to consume me"  
I kissed her cheeks and left the shop

Assassin was calling me.

* * *

(A/N I warmly suggest to listen Bad in Back)

*strrrnnn

"hello toys"  
I said while Assassin was lifting a portcullis

"bring only light and useful things, I highly recommend to avoid grenades, half of the servants will probably just throw them back at you"  
stated my surely-not-scary-servant entering in a dark room.

Actually it was just a garage...my garage...the one filled with so many weapon, that could make me be labelled as a potential terrorist, not the one where I kept all my figures..it was the right to the left.

"aye aye I know"  
I responded turning on the lights.  
It took a few flashes of white neons before I could clearly see that crude room filled only with caissons of every dimension and material.

"so where did you go after leaving Jeanne and I ?"  
I casually asked opening a metal caisson

"to the library"  
he responded ordering in front of himself a dozen of different guns

"okay...let's suppose you did not, where would have you gone?"  
I threw him some loaders

"hmmm I'd say to scout the Ryuudo temple when there were still tourists, just to found anything interesting"  
he said loading all the guns in front of him with a round of _clacks_

"interesting uh?... can you pass me my throwing knives"  
I asked before receiving two leather belts filled with sharp pieces of metal.  
I immediately felt reassured as their familiar weight burdened my hands. I acquired them a few years ago during a trip in India, of course they weren't just some random souvenir shop. My knives came directly from the magical gray market...yeah gray...the black market was just for curses and magical creatures' organs.

"hey Assassin in which mode are you going to fight?"  
I inquired tightening the two belts around my hips

"I guess the fifth one. The Silent Coat ( _Shizukana kōto)_ is my best Noble phantasm when it comes to fight an unknown opponent"  
He responded wearing his combat suit

blue particles started to spin around Assassin's body and all his daily clothes turned into his black Oroboro uniform. Each time I saw Hikigaya wear his most beloved head of clothing a ticklish emotion crawled in my stomach...It was envy, I wanted a combat suit like his too!  
I knew it wasn't possible because it would have meant rob Oroboro... probably the closest action to suicide but com'on, looking at how much technology and magic that suit was embodied with, who could resist the desire.

"brat stop staring at me and get your stuff"  
Assassin's voice dragged me away from my stylistic dreams

"Sure...I will have that suit"

"No you won't...and why would you want my suit, you're the one with the dragon blood armor"

As usual he didn't understand the difference between cool and useful, my servant was really hopeless. Yet I ended up doing what he ordered me to and went to get my stuff. First thing was my reinforced gauntlets from Scandinavia, then my greaves and a whole set of flashbangs plus some smoke bombs, I carefully avoided to take grandes...even if it left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth.

"Okay...NOW my proud servant bring my main weapon"  
I exclaimed stepping above a caisson

"get it yourself I'm preparing the rocket-launchers"

"you know I think the relationship MASTER and SERVANT should be a little different"  
I sulked

"Repeat it when your documents don't say I'm your parent"

"You're no fun..."  
I said admitting defeat

So dragging my feet I reached a completely black box big as a guitar.  
"Logic path(Straße)/open(gehen)"  
I poured my mana on the polished box.

With _ftssss_ sound of pressurized air the black caisson opened. Inside it there was a rusty bar of metal...that reminded of anything except a sword...unfortunately it was a sword indeed. I guess a thousand of years under water without any kind of mana did that to a sword...even the mighty Bahalmung

"hello old partner"  
I said staring at the sword

Quick bits of Siegfried memories flashed across my eyes... it was hard for me to grab that weapon, it was a key that easily unlocked the latent instincts, Siegfried left me in his heart. Suppressing the headache afflicting my brain I extend my hand and picked up the sword.

"SIEGFRIED!"

"BAHALMUNG!"  
Two different voices screamed in my head...two words and my head was already split in half.

"Stupid my heart"  
I groaned in pain

It was always like this...I grab the weapon, the weapon call upon itself Siegfried power and I have to avoid that the precious heroical/magical juice in my magic circuits drifted on his own towards the sword...what a pain.  
Focusing as much as I could I suppressed all the heroic mana I had within myself and poured mine in the sword.  
suddenly Bahalmung started to shape shift, leaving aside its rusty outfit and displaying his...oriental one.

* * *

Bahalmung, Gram or Nothung a single sword many names...Why? I asked myself five years ago while on summer holidays Jeanne I and Assassinn were in Germany searching the lost weapon.  
At first I thought it was just because it's name had been translated in many ways during the history, but apparently it wasn't like that.  
Siegfried's magical sword belongs to the family of the _numulariorum formare,_ Shape shifter, that means it's a weapon that inside holds a jewel filled ancient magic, however this ancient magic is free from any kind of attributes, holy, demoniac, elemental...that kind of stuff. So whenever the sword changes its master the ancient magic within it shape and give an attribute to the weapon in base of the user's mana.

* * *

And that was why the elegant katana in my hand was Bahalmung yet it was not. Probably all the names the sword in my hand acquired were referred to the different forms assumed by the weapon through the history. Standing to the info Assassin and I found: Nothung was the dark form of the sword when the evil dragon Fafnir was its master, then there was Siegfried's Bahalmung and Gram well... was still Siegfried's...and much more powerful than Bahalmung. Probably due Siegfried growth as an hero the sword itself changed.

"well it doesn't concern me"  
I said sheating sword in the apposite scabbard Assassin gave me during a Christmans.

In comparison to Bahalmung my sword was pretty pathetic, it didn't give that "I'm a ultra kick ass sword" vibes, nor could unleash an anti-army beam...I guess...I didn't know the true name of my sword so...Its final move could really be anything.  
(Sieg's mind: please be a Stand please be a Stand)

"Hey master I have a problem here!"  
Assassin screamed

How unusual

"What is it Hikigaya?"  
I asked him running in his direction

I didn't know what to expect , the more I approached, more struggling sounds I heard and more empty cans of MaxCoffe were scattered on the floor,

"what did he do"  
I madly repeated

"MASTEEERRRRR"

"Hachiman what the hell"  
I erupted appearing in front of my servant

What could possibly be so wrong to make my servant ask for help...I repeat HIKIGAYA HACHIMAN was asking help...that sound strange even just as a part of the narration.  
He was bent over the ground trying to lift a Yellow and brown can of Max coffee.

" What are you doing? "  
I asked robotically to my struggling servant

"I'm pooping, what in the bloody hell do you thing I'm doing, help me lift this thing."  
He said clenching his teeth

"help you to lift a can?"

"it's not just a can is my freaking Noble Phantasm"

"...please repeat..."

"I said it's my freaking Noble Phantasm, do you remember the one that sustains me!"

"oh that one, you know you have too many trash Phantasms so it's difficult to remember the only one...that...really...matters...FUCK!"  
I rushed besides my servant

"gland you understand!"  
he said while the two of us tried to lift up the can

It was like a boulder.

"UGH!"  
"SORYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"  
Assassin and I grunted using all our strength to pull up that evil piece of aluminium. It took us nearly a full minute plus a lot of effort to finally lift up that thing (A/N of 1 millimetre) and make Assassin able to turn it in spiritual form.

"The Fuck just happened and why your can was stuck in the floor? LOOK AT THAT HOLE IN THE CEMENT LOOK AT IT"  
I said panting and screaming once I had enough air in my lungs

"I have done a terrible mistake... **Imōto no ama-sa** stopped to work properly"

"I have to calm down I have to calm down...define, what do you mean with stopped to work"

"I overestimated the power of this Noble Phantasm..."  
Hikigaya said in self-mocking tone

"How could you overestimate your own magical artifact, an hero must know everything about their weapon!"  
I said exasperated by the lack of direct answers

"Sieg how much do you remember about my weapons"  
Hikigaya deadpanned me

"...ehhh...aaaah..OH! oh...right, before becoming a servant you never wielded any of your weapons"

"correct, so I know only what the Grail told me about their power...do you remember the ability of my can"  
Assassin said trying to make me understand something

"Accumulate infinite Max coffee, turn it into mana or increase your basic stats"  
I said without hesitation, after all I knew all Assassin's skill even the most pointless

" Yup, but I just discovered that after the can absorbs more than 200 kilos of Max... it starts to weight"

"..."

"..."

"so the can now weights 200 kilos or more"  
I stated while my brain stared to shortcut

"yes"

"the odds you can still use it in the middle of a battle"  
my synapses began to burn

"..low?"

"If you drink enough from the can, will it return to its original weight?"  
nervous system ultra nervous

"dunno"

"dear God...Just how much coffee did you pour in it"  
new record of anger level

"Around 250 litres..."

"In kilos"  
approaching breaking point

"300"

"WHY THE # $X? [Sieg's long swearing] did you do that, Now we have to change plans! Again!...You know what! Just in the car and wait for me. Jesus!"  
I outbursted leaving behind Hikigaya and going to take the last two pieces of my equipment.

Just how stupid could my servant be?  
Fortunately I was about to fight someone, I REALLY NEEDED A STRESS RELIEVE AT THE MOMENT

* * *

"Night the perfect time to stay (A/N get it stay/night... yes I'm an horrible person) out of troubles, but not for our heros that would have already the Holy Grail in their hands if the servant wasn't A COMPLETE IDIOT"

"and the Master an homunculus with erectile dysfunction"

"I do not understand how the two things are **Related** "  
I screamed braking sharply

(Sound of a servant face smashed against the dashboard *sbam)

"Dammit brat!"  
Hikigaya groaned holding his nose

"serves you right for not wearing your safe belt, Now get down we have arrived"  
I said coming out from my black Prius

I had just parked right in front of the long, stone stair of the Ryuudo temple. The air was chilly, except the moon and the stars the only light around me came from two lines of lanterns beside the stairs, They seemed to invite me in.

"Okay master do you have everything with you: your sword, the throwing knives, gun, ammunitions, flashbangs, Saber card?"  
Asked me Hikigaya...using the TONE...his parental tone

"Yes old man I have all those things...and the _ost-_ er"  
responded trying to hide from his "I" eyes

"...you kidding right"  
he said raising an eyebrow

"Don't judge me it gives me hype"  
I sulked crossing my arms

"do as you like...the _ost-_ er *tsk"  
he raised his arms shaking his head

"Let's check the plan: you go stealth, I go straight, you remain hidden, I confront fake Assassin, you observe him and switch to the most fitting mode to take him down, then I go away you kick his ass then we party"  
I listed on my fingers

"yeah and if Caster appears we fly away, let's try to not show our best moves"  
Assassin said smoking a cigarette...since when did he smoke  
I wanted to ask, maybe he had always smoked and I've never noticed... if that was the case it would be pretty embarrassing to ask.

"Have you stored enough mana from Siegfried's heart?"  
asked me Assassin drawing an anonymous gun

" Yes 50% of the Mana I have got in my body is heroic one"  
I responded throwing in the air a small flying drone sphere shaped.

"good remember: if the situation get dangerous do not hesitate to use a command seal or the card"  
Hikigaya lastly recommended disappearing

"okay"  
I said emotionless.

And so armed to the teeth I slowly began to walk towards my first real battle.  
Step after step I felt an emotion growing inside me...fear? excitement? I didn't know, but it took me only a second to move aside that sensation and keep rising those stairs...apparently endless.

"a cool sentence to introduce myself, what can I say"  
I wondered staring my feet

"Stop there you intruder!"  
an imposing voice suddenly called me

it came from a Japanese man dressed in Edo fashion, judging from his clothes and hair he seemed to have fallen in a pool of violet and blue...a nice paring but a bit monotonous in my opinion.

*swiiing  
A cold sound cut through the night, the definitely-not-a-servant-guy had unsheated a beautiful nodaci he kept on his back and with silent steps was coming down the stairs.  
for a second the only thought in my mind was "WHAT A DOPE SWORD!"

"Hey Assassin it's him?"  
I muttered in my earplugs, matching the seriousness of the situation

I know... a weirdly dressed man with a dope sword on his back and I dared to wonder if he was a servant...DUH?  
Yet it was far better be safe than sorry

"Yes he is the fake Assassin servant Master, approach him carefully, see if things can be talked out"  
responded Assassin in my ear

"Good...wait talked out? I don't believe things can be talked out at this point "  
I retorted confused

"The best battle is the one you win without fighting... do as you desire kiddo, but if you fight this guy please, do not shout Getsuga tenshou ...like you usually do"  
assassin spouted like he was my spiritual guide or something.

"I won't make any promise"  
I said while the sword fella arrived in front of me

how (Un)lucky he looked dangerous...yippie

"good evening a splendid night isn't it"  
I politely greeted the man

"indeed, I suppose you're here to force your way into the temple"  
the un-named samurai responded composed

"naaa actually I just wanted to take a breath and walk on stairs...endless stairs made of stone"  
darn! I always got sarcastic when I felt in danger.

"your petty lies cannot deceive me"  
said amused the servant

"how bad, well may I ask your name"  
I risen my shoulders and made an apologetic face

"Sasaki Koujiro Assassin servant"  
he responded without hesitation

"well that was easier than I expected...shouldn't servants be more "concerned" about revealing their identities!"  
I thought squaring the guy

I was at complete loss this Assassin didn't make any sense...but it was rude to not give my name too sooooo  
"Nice to meet you...I guess...my name is "

"don't need to know, my blade will tell me all I have to "  
Sasaki stated cutting my presentations

"Okay...such a cool line"  
I muttered stepping back.

The fake Assassin and I with a silent agreement moved to the opposite sides of the stairs and without speaking a single word the Japane man assumed his fighting pose rising his elegant katana.  
Moon...Crescent-Moon that was how I labelled the man I was about to fight: he was quiet, mysterious and his sword shone in the night reflecting the light of the moon.  
Suppressing another anonymous feeling in my guts, I drew "Existence" my sword and assumed my fighting pose.

"Assassin are you watching?"  
I whispered while my view was split in half by Existence

"yes...I got your back"

"good... _ost-_ er ready in 3, 2, 1"  
I said activating my favorite gadget

suddenly the Fairy tail theme bursted through the forest around me.

"NOW SASAKI KOUJIRO I DECLARE THIS DUEL ON!"  
I stated reinforcing my legs and dashing towards my opponent...I was soo Hyped.

* * *

The battle began and so before I even made a single step I had already analysed my situation

First the zone; stairs encircled by wood, footwork proficiency reduced, might make use of it  
Second escape route; No need I'm here to need and Hikigaya got my back  
Third the opponent; Sasaki Koujiro, apart from his power with is sword I don't know anything about him, I will first study him through fighting.

Fast as lightning my feet moved on the ground and I opened the fight with a descending diagonal slash: an arithmetic and calculated movement totally opposed to my earlier speech .

*CLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANKKKK  
my sword roared in the night clashing against my opponent's one.

"This is going to be enjoyable"  
said Sasaki after taking effortlessly one of my mightiest slashes

"Show me what you got Red eyed man"  
he continued pushing me away and starting the deadliest dancing I ever had the displeasure to dance.

Violet and light blue arcs left behind two blades, small sparkles those were the only thing Sasaki and I left behind us, as fought across all the stairs of the Ryuudo temple. slash after slash, swing after swing our blades restlessly clashed against one another, while our feet struggled to remain always in equilibrium on the various stone steps.  
RIGHT, LEFT UP UP DOWN I kept dodging the sword of my opponent by an hair thin space. I had indeed the upper hand in speed and power thanks to the reinforcement magic, but the servant in front of me outclassed me too much in sword technique so I couldn't land a single strike.

avoiding a dangerous thrust to my chest with a backfilp down the stairs, I managed to obtain some distance from my opponent, one breath of relief and I was again parrying a deathly katana aimed towards my throat. A rain of sparkles bursted out the two katanas lighting me and my opponent. I didn't know why but we were both grinning.  
In that moment I was clearly at disadvantage, my opponent was higher position and his mortal attacks kept falling on me like hailstones, I had to use all my swordman-ship and a good amount of reinforcement magic in order to avoid to be cut into pieces

 _*clank claclank clank claclacalclank_

our two katanas resounded matching fairytail's theme...yeah for real.

"ah ah aahaha It's the first fight in a long time that makes me smile like this, two swordmen giving their all to kill each other"  
said Koujiro with an ecstatic expression, the composed man of while ago was just a memory right now

"It's that so...*arf *arf"  
I responded taking a few precious breaths

I didn't understand what made the fake Assassin so happy and I didn't care honestly. I just knew: I had to change the course of the battle and I had already received a great number of cuts from my opponent; none of them was serious but all the blood I was losing was going to become a problem soon.

"well I guess I have already studied him enough"  
I thought while Sasaki's entire fight style had entered in my mind.

"it's time to take this fight more seriously"  
I muttered changing the two-handed grip of my sword to a single-handed one

"Uh?"  
groaned confused the fake Assassin. Apparently my gesture of gripping a katana with one hand left him more dismayed than I expected

"What are you doing?! Are you perhaps gone mad"  
He asked... angry...angry really?... this dude, what was wrong with him I just changed my grip

"Just look"  
I told him neutrally

And so without caring too much I stopped holding back.  
Taking a deep breath I punched the centre my chest with my left fist, suddenly my panting stopped and from within my body a small _tzz*_ sound could be heard.  
In a second I felt my body grow warmer and warmer, as my heart...no Siegfried's heart was finally able to beat without an artificial valve to slow it down.

"Ready for the second round?"  
I asked shooting out small lightnings of light green mana from my whole body (SSJ 2! or FULL COWL choose you) while all the cuts on my body healed in small flashes. Now I wanted to show him what happen when people try to create an artificial servant.

and so as the first part of my fight ended so did the sound in background...leaving space to the second ost of my playlist, also from Fairy tail, Lightning Flame Roaring Dragon

fitting wasn't it

* * *

(MEANWHILE )

"Oh the brat is getting serious"  
said a creepy old man sat on a tree branch

In his dead eyes an amused sparkle of pride was observing his child grown into a warrior.

"Get him Sieg, you can do it, . "  
he was softly clapping his hands

"Still opening the valve...the first time in three years, he might have some control problems"  
Hikigaya Hachiman thought hypnotized by the small lightning his master was emitting

three years ago the the homunculus named Sieg suddenly started to accuse the illness knew as "Mana mutation"... more recognizable as "Yes we need a coffin".  
A simple yet brutal disease that occurs whenever pure mana of a foreign individual is introduced in someones magic circuits; basically it makes the body self destruct, different magus knowing about this deathly sickness created dangerous weapons with the same principle: for example the Magus killer Kiritsugu Emiya and his feared origin bullets.

In Sieg's case the disease was caused by the heart implanted in his chest; that heart originally belonging to Siegfried was starting to mutate the homunculus's mana eroding day by day his magical circuits.  
To avoid the worst the weirdest Master Servant duo emulated Donko of Libra from Saint Seiya; so with the help of an artificial valve they slowed down the heartbeat rate of the Master to the outmost limit in order to allow a slow and survivable alteration of Sieg's mana.

But now as the valve was open the heroic-homunculian mana (A/N damn it sound really bad) was free to flow and his unknown power was ready to burst

(A/N If you feel confused don't worry I just needed to spat out some "tecnical" information so I can add random power ups whenever I want ahahahahahahahahahahh...no really I spent a lot of time on this thing in order to make people say "Oh It makes kind of sense" when REAL fights arrive)

"better be ready if something strange happen..." **Shizuka** "  
muttered the True Assassin servant enveloping himself in blue mana

"Now let me see how strong you have become master"  
grinned the servant as the purple "V" in his eyes glittered

* * *

"I compliment you this power around you is really something, I gladly agree to a second round"  
told me Sasaki Koujiro charmed by my power

This time I didn't waste time with stupid duel declaration or anything similar, 10, maybe 15 minutes, that was the time I could fight while using my mutant mana. The double of compared to the time I could fight with the card's power...Unfortunately with barely more than half of the power output.

Aware of my time limit I just re-opened the fight with same diagonal slash of a few minutes ago, but this time the movement wasn't precise or arithmetical... it was just savage. Faster than before I dashed towards Sasaki and again he effortlessly parried my blow...but this time I had still a hand free. Without any type of mercy I drove my enchanted left fist in my opponent's guts

 _*ugh_  
he grunted spitting blood while his whole body was propelled back.

"Fuck he is tough"  
I said emotionless touching my bleeding left arm

That fake Assassin...he nearly cut off my arm as he was flying away with at least three ribs broken;

"really tough, besides second later and your arm would have been severed"  
Sasaki remarked as Siegfried's glowing scar disappeared from my arm.

That gut he was a monster. Using his sword he managed to tear my skin of my arm before I managed to use Siegfried's Mana to protect the limb, it seemed I wasn't the only one that had stopped holding back.

"what kind of bizarre magecrafth you are using Red eyed man?"  
he asked rising again his sword and charging at me

"Hikigaya switch in 70 seconds"  
I said throwing all my flashbangs towards a single target...guess who.

"Roger"  
my servant muttered in my earplugs as the whole area in front of me disappeared engulfed by white flashes.

 _*aarg  
_ grunted Koujiro blinded by the sudden light...

* * *

It hurted to admit that as a swordman I was no match for this fake Assassin his technique was flawless his footwork admirable.  
In a fair and square duel I doubt I would ever beat him...Luckly for me this was a war.

And I had no scruples to do whatever it took to survive and win.

"Logic path(Straße)/open(gehen)"  
I chanted sending a destructive wave of magic in the ground

 _*CRAAAAASSHHHHHHHHHHHH_

all the stone steps in the radius of four metres around me scattered turning in irregular pillars of rock. my plan was simple: opponent's large katana good with open spaces, opponent's fighting technique good with a solid ground to step on ...I take both away creating a new fighting ground.

It wasn't honorable or anything, it was just the best way to fight, the way Hikigaya Hachiman taught me.

running through the dust I charged Sasaki Koujiro. of course it wasn't a straight dash, It was an acrobatic choreography of steps and jumps on all the rock pillars, that like the quills of a hedgehog pierced the ground.

Flying from stone into stone I approached my opponent, I was just a light green line in the night, he could barely follow my chaotically precise movements. The blade in my hand had begun to shine of a faint blue as I slashed, thrust and swung it from every possible angolation against my opponet.  
If the deadly dance I and Sasaki perforemed before was a refined Valzer then the one right now was a Break-dance demonstration.

 _*tin titn tin_  
our swords clashed, the disjointed ground I created was a terrible opponent for the fake assassin, his precise end elegant swings were just a pale memory; his feet sank in the ground and his nodaci stumbled upon each pillar of rock...he could display only a single drop of his true power. I on the other hand had stepped the game on another level; jumping and dashing on each stone and being able to freely use my left hand I could pull out a tridimensional storm of attacks unpredictable for practically anyone.

"time to shed some blood"  
I thought as I threw a three knives towards the fake Assassin.

and they...they shining of my powerful mana...they...were cut down...just like that, one swing some _craks*_ and done, Sasaki destroyed them, too bad... at least they were just meant as a decoy. Because I the mighty Sieg had already moved to assault my opponent from behind...such a strategist

Only a small detail perturbed my otherwise perfect plan

"Naive"

My action were seen through, so Sasaki turning himself in my direction drove his sword towards my throat.  
Imagining the scene from a third viewer, I could see a clear picture of what was going on: me Jumping towards Koujiro performing a two handed slash leaving a blue tray behind me and then Koujiro just with his sword pointed towards my neck. A multitude of lines were trespassing my head while I slowly fell towards my death, many sounded like "good plan Sieg really good..." or "HIKIGAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA", but all of them disappeared when I realized Sasaki had ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD!

for a second, no less, I activated the saber card hidden in my breast pocket: my hair turned silver, Siegrfied's tribal armor covered my body and Existence shape-shifeted in Bahalmung.

 _swiiiiiin*  
_ re-sounded Sasaki's katana that unable to pierce my enchanted skin just slipped off. Then without hesitation I swung the European great sword tracing a blue and crimson arc on Sasaki Koujiro's chest, the last thing I saw were his surprised eyes.

"arr"  
groaned Sasaki Koujiro when I finally managed to injure him with my sword and his body crashed against a rock pillar.

"Yes"  
I grinned landing in front of him and returning to my normal form.

I felt good, winning felt good, I was...happy, more than happy joyful, after all I just fought a servant on equal footing or nearly. I wasn't going to say "it was easy" or anything like that, I knew one mistake and I would have died even with Assassin backing me up. Still I was so thrilled about the result of my first fight that I didn't notice the _ost-_ er had stopped playing music.

"Now I have just to finish him...yeah finish him...one swing of my katana and one foe less.  
...easy right"  
I thought gripping my sword so hard that my knuckles turned white.

rising Existence I pointed the blade towards the fake Assassin, the tip of the weapon was trebling, no I was trebling... and I didn't understand why. I couldn't move my arms.  
Apparently for the second time since I was created and for first time in my life I was unwilling to kill an opponent.

"com'on one swing, one swing"  
I muttered as Sasaki Koujiro started to move

Nothing to do, my body wouldn't collaborate...then I realized something terrifying

" I DON'T WANNA DIE IN THIS TANK was it?"

there wasn't a single sound around me

and the voice had come to pay a visit

* * *

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"  
I screamed as I lost control of my mana and turned in a green star for a moment

"one sentence, the voice needed one sentence to defeat me"  
I thought falling on my knees

"kukukukukukuaahahahahahahhahaha"  
laughed Sasaki freeing himself from the pillar of rock

"I don't know what happened, but it seems you pushed yourself too hard red eyed man"  
he said grabbing his sword and walking in front of me.

"Since you are the first worthy opponent I had been summoned in this era I shall give you the onor to perish under my mightiest technique"  
the fake Assassin covered in blood rose his sword

"I also like the onor of being let go"  
I tried to say, but instead of words from my mouth came out only blood. Releasing my the valve and using the card had put too much strain on my body.

I attempted to stand up, but there was nothing to do I was too tired...bitterness and pain that was how defeat was like?

"may your soul go in a better place"  
stated Sasaki kojiro Swinging his sword...unfortunately for him 70 seconds had passed

 **"Hiken Tsubame Gaeshi"**

Unleashed his technique the fake Assassin

I could only see three violet lines, before my servant jumped in front of me to save my life.

 _*swiin_  
 _*swiin_  
 _*swiin_

with three distinct sounds the blade of the fake assassin bounced against the real Assassin's white lab coat, Hikigaya's only defensive Noble Phantasm the Silent Coat ( _Shizukana kōto)._

everything happened too fast Sasaki Kojiro didn't even have time to understand what was going on when Hikigaya Hachiman

" Absolute"

as I labelled him, unlashed a white bright fist in the samurai's face

" **SHIZUKA SHINKANSEN"**

 _*BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  
_ an ultra-sonic roar pained my ears and Sasaki kojiro was propelled in the wood at frightening speed.

"So how was your first fight brat?"  
asked my servant while all the white light he had in his fist returned the in lab coat currently pitch black.

"Intense"  
I managed to groan slowly standing up and re-closing my heart valve.

* * *

(15 minutes later)

" what did we obtain tonight?"  
I asked pressing myself in the passenger seat of my black prius

"well you got a first taste of the battle field."  
Assassin answered from the driver seat

"...I can't exactly feel positive about it, we didn't even managed to kill the fake Assassin"  
I groaned hiding my face in my arms

" that's indeed a pity, after all Caster showed up before we could end him, but at least he won't be able to fight properly for a while.  
Hikigaya comforted? me

"yeah...still I can't believe you managed to make your can fall on Caster's head"  
I tried to switch topic from my failures to something else

"that's not that impressive brat after all I just started to jump around the wood while she followed me shooting magic randomly, waited for the right moment and BAM a cranial contusion from a can heavy three quintals"  
Assassin happily tappered his fingers on the steering wheel

* * *

 _Flashback_

"DIE !"

 _*sound of magical exposions_... _babababababababababaammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm_

"why don't you have a drink Caster"

 _*sound of an obese can falling from a tree branch and hitting a flying witch on her head STUN_

* * *

"It's a mystery how she survived though"  
I continued

"what about...magic brat? "

" perhaps...at least we confirmed she comes Greece and not Egypt, have you seen her robe right"

"yes I have seen..."

"..."

"ehm master what happened during the fight with that Assassin?"

"Don't wanna talk about it"

"as you wish...still it wouldn't have happened if you had gotten serious from the beginning, seems like I have to beat in your head still a few lessons"

"Ah?! what do you mean by that?"

"brat you had at least three move to give checkmate to him and besides you did the typical FYHAG."

"FYHAG"

" Forgot You Had A Gun "

"I'm a fucking idiot!"

"plus You are still too proud, you have to accept that during battle to death pride is useless, just spit blood in their face like you did this morning.

"if you say so old man, besides"

"yes?"

"if you don't turn here we are past our block"

"SHIT!"

* * *

"Honey I'm home"  
I entered in my house still with my battle suit sword gun and...my wife was on the floor

WHY MY WIFE WAS ON THE FLOOR!

"JEANNE"  
I screamed rushing beside her

"Assassin quick something is wrong with her!"  
I called for help.

she was cold and her eyes were semi-closed. I embraced her sitting on the floor

"look at me, you're okay right? HIKIGAYA"  
I continued scared

"what's wrong Masterrrrrr oh I see it finally happened"  
arrived Assassin too calm for my tastes

"wait here brat she's suffering from lack of mana"  
he said walking in his room

"lack of mana how is it possible, after the war began the grail was sustain her summoning and I kept giving her my blood"  
I thought while Jeanne slowly started to regain consciousness

"S-sieg welcome"  
she muttered in my arms with a faint smile

"Sssshssshss don't talk now just keep looking at me"  
I said tightening my arms as Jeanne nodded

I waited two endless seconds before my servant arrived with two objects in his hands

"Okay here we have all the stuff I prepared for this situation"  
Hikigaya said putting on the table a silver can and small plastic jar

"Can you explain why in the hell you're so calm and act like you know everything...stupid question of course you know everything what's going on?!"  
I screamed one step away from a nervous crisis

"I already told you she's suffering lack of mana, here drink this"  
Hachiman arrived with the silver can in his hand.

"glugluglugluglu, shouldn't have the problem been solved once the war started?...was that redbull?"

"No and Yes, The Grail didn't consider Jeanne's ruler function useful anymore so her summoning isn't sustained right now, I noticed a few days ago, but when I tried to tell you she used one of her command seals to stop me"

* * *

( _Flashback_ )

"your condition have worsen this much Ruler?"

"yeah the Grail isn't providing any mana"

"well better tell to your Mana dispenser about this thing"

"STOP don't tell him"

"... . . .gamine"

"if he know about this he will give me all the mana he has got, it might be a fatal mistake in a fight."

"Yes...but don't tell him is stupid and dangerous"

"LISTEN! if he knows about this you know what's going to happen?"

"He will become reckless and try to win the war as fast as he could to save you?"

"he will become..."

"..."

"you could tell?"

"...I have raised that child, how do you expect I couldn't tell"

"then why don't you agree with me?"

"first I raised you too in these past nine years, second I'm not enough a hypocrite to stop him"

"you forced my hand Hikigaya **with my authority as a Ruler I command you to not reveal my secret to my husband"**

*sound of red mana binding an Assassin with a "really?" expression

* * *

"and so this is how it went...apparently when you saw her the command seal stopped working, you can't reveal something that is already known uh"  
Assassin explained to me opening the plastic jar and bringing one pill to me

"so what do we do now"  
I asked taking Hikigaya's blue pill in my hand

"We nothing, you have marital obligations and I'm going to sleep outside tonight"  
Hachiman said leaving the attic

" What did he mean...oh I see"  
I said staring at the pill in my hand...it was Viagra

two seconds later i had already princess-carried Jeanne on our bed and gulped another can of red bull.

"Siegfired endurance level A I trust you"  
I said swallowing the pill

* * *

( a few HOURS?! and a BROKEN BED?! later)

"af af man-af replenished for at least a week"  
I said sweaty and unable to feel my legs

"dear God af af"  
my wife resounded in a situation similar to mine

"Fiuuu"  
"Fiuuu"  
we sighed in the same time

exausted, we sank in each other arms on waht remained of our bed...it was the third we changed in the past three months

"I will do whatever it takes to win the Grail Jeanne"  
I said passing her golden hair through my fingers

"please just be careful"  
she kissed my hand

"of course dattebayo I have still too many things to do and chapters of One piece to read"  
I spit some Shounen bullshit to sound confident

"I think you just triggered one or two eh... death flags"  
she tried to follow my nerdy style...so cute

"who knows"  
I muttered closing my eyes

* * *

THE NIGHTMARE I

Fighting  
Everyone fight for something, it can be for abstract things like an ideal, or maybe more things materialistic like an object, money etc the list goes on .  
From my perspective anyone who decided to fight was someone must I respect...  
or at least it was what I thought until ten seconds ago.

"Next Wednesday at the public pool all your favorite Seiyuus will participate to a free swimming lesson for all your children, come on numerous...Again what did you want Two-san to do?"  
I asked putting a leaflet on the table in front of me

"We I'd like Two-dono to take pictures of all the Seiyuus in their swimsuits and we will double the pay if we get a picture while they are changing in the lockers"  
said an Obese man on the other side of the table

"I see...just to know who was from Idol Stream that told you how to contact me"  
I said easygoingly shifting my attention to the BigMC the fat Otaku just treated me.

nothing tasted better than free food.

"The secretary Kirishima-san, she is my cousin, she told me that to contact Two-dono I had to speak with a long haired elementary school grader, you Ninsei-kun, and that you always did lunch here after a delivery "  
the man named...I-don't-remeber-kun continued starting to chew his fries.

" well this explain why he was following me, should I ask Idol stream to fire her...na I don't have any authority "  
I thought .

Today was a usual Saturday for me, I had just completed my weekly delivery to Idol Stream and went to have dinner when this man sat at my table and talked about hiring me...I mean Two-san. Otaku-kun as I decided to call him was apparently the chief of the Seiyuu section of a magazine named "AnimHey!", a terrible name in my opinion, and was searching a good photographer for that pool event.

"Two has finally a reputation, Now finding jobs will be easier ehehe"  
I giggled biting my hamburger.

"Now what kind of facade is better with him, mature...no, naive...yeah but not too much, let's go with a undecided and innocent."  
I thought setting the right speech to manipulate better Otaku-kun

"I-I don't know isn't peeping bad"  
I started pouting

"W-w-what, No! I mean yes, I mean...maybe, that's not the point"  
Began to mutter the large man in front of me

"...then what's the point Oni-san, I don't like to not understand thing"  
I puffed my cheeks as childishly as I could

"Listen kiddo i just want you to talk about this job to Two-san, here is my business card give it to him"  
Rushed away the man before his brain made him realize he was a creep.

well at least he left behind the fries, more food for me LUCKY. Eating alone in that small McDonald just outside the industrial area for the first time in a whole week allowed myself to relax, there were no more bills to pay, people to stalk or photo to deliver and I had finally completed my list of things to do, yet there was still something bothering me...

"I should have asked a happy meal instead of a BigMC, no Nijito you don't need that Pokemon toy you don't need it"  
I mumbled consuming my lunch.

* * *

 _FlashForward_

" **Hey I know you're here! Come out I need you...please"**

 **"ah you're here...on your own... why do you need me?"**

* * *

"And with this I have reached my calories quota for today, thank God cheap food exists "  
I said cheerfully coming out from the McDonald

I didn't had any plans for today, so after eating lunch I began to wonder around the streets of my city with no destination in mind.

"straight, behind, left or right?"  
I said each time I encountered a crossroad in order to decide where I should have gone.

Straight, left, straight, right  
I decided choosing every time the road with less people...I didn't like crowds.  
Unfortunately Saturdays weren't exactly the best days to avoid all the human beings heading out to do their weekly shopping.

"Too many people too many people"  
I madly muttered walking beside swarms of fellows Homo sapiens..

It took me a while, but I eventually grew tired of walking on those crowdy roads and went to seat on the first bench I saw.  
Or at least that was my intention until I saw something a sky scraper in construction on the side of the road.  
Nothing I would usually get concerned about, yet the writing YUKINOSHITA CORP on the side of the building made me remember a conversation I had a few days ago

* * *

 _FLASHBACK_

"Bakkin might be lying boya about all this- Deliver Kori Yukinoshita's secret packs-"  
"Yes, but if he is not..."  
"what?"

* * *

"Yukinoshita corp uh?"  
I said coolly staring at the building

"I feel the smell of a scoop"  
I whispered grinning as I decided my plans for that afternoon

going to my favorite place of the whole city; the public library.

* * *

Why the public library? you ask  
why is that high and old building right before the shopping district your favorite place in the whole city? You ask  
Well the answers are many, the books, the peace the ... who am I kidding  
Air conditioner  
the air conditioner during summer and the warming system during winter.  
those were the reason why I loved the library so much, sure I loved books, but that divine sensation of GRATIS coolness and warmth was irresistible for me.

"Hello Oba-chan"  
I said entering in the library and stopping in front of the old librarian's

"Ah Nijito-kun it's been a while, have you grown taller? oh your hair have gotten so long"  
responded the white haired woman brushing aside her half finished bento

"yeah nearly a month"  
I softly smiled without bothering to raise a facade.

among all the people I knew this Oba-san here was the most harmless, so even if I let her see I wasn't the kind of child people are used to, it wasn't a big deal. At worst she was gonna say something to her nieces like "I met a peculiar boy of your age hohohohohoho"

"What can I do for you"  
she smiled...and she was missing a few teeth

I didn't like how she smiled, but i guess it was just a personal opinion.

"I'd like to read some old news paper"  
I said spreading my arms

" I see you always want to read strange stuff, mmmm how old do you want them"  
she asked as a pair small eyes appeared from under that thick blanket of wrinkles Oba-san had on her face

"eh..from Three years ago when the Yukinoshita conglomerate started to grow "

"that's quite specific Nijito-kun"  
said the woman squaring me

"I need to do some researches for an acquaintance"  
I lied while a small memory flashed in front of my eyes

* * *

 _FLASHBACK_

"A powerful man such as Kori Yukinoshita What can possibly want Bakkin to deliver?"

"Who Knows NI, who knows.."

* * *

I didn't hope to deceive her I just wanted to send the clear message NOT YOUR BUSINESS in the most polite way possible.  
for a moment the Oba-san seemed ready to ask me some questions, but in the end she just risen her shoulder and said  
"I see..."

well follow me "  
the old woman said standing up from her chair with a _squeek_

"Sure"  
I said walking by her side.

As we moved through in the empty library the only sounds I could hear were our steps resounding lonely and the noise of a random cars passing near by.  
enjoying those moments of quietness, I filled my lungs with the paper smelling air of the building; for some reasons I found it incredibly relaxing, each breath was like a weight was taken off my shoulder. Here I could forget for a short time about my family, my job, the future and just lose myself in seas of words.

"let's see news papers, news papers news paper...ah there they are"  
said Oba-san pointing towards a dusty box

standing on her tip toes she extended her arms trying to reach the cartoon box. Unfortunately the box was on the top of a bookcase, so it was a few inches away the old woman grasp. Oba-san tried a few times to reach the box, managing at the end to put her hand on it, however I could see her position was really precarious.

"Oba-chan wait let me grab you a chair"  
I said before something bad happened but...

 _*svraam_  
The law of Murphy was faster than me.

In a second the only acquaintance I never once despised was falling on the ground along with the cartoon box. To that sight my feet moved on their own, in one instinctive movement I dashed to grab the old woman while dozens of yellowed paper scattered through the air.

" are you okay Oba-chan"  
I asked struggling to hold up the librarian that was yes lighter then I expected, but still heavy for a seven years.

"Ohhohohoh I'm fine Nijito-kun, this silly Obaa-san slipped, you can let me go I will stand on my own"  
She said with a strange smile and patting my head

"...Yes"  
I said following her orders  
with great care I slowly let go Oba-san's right shoulder and left arm.

"thank you, you're pretty strong young boy"  
She told me massaging where I grabbed her.

"No what do you say"  
I responded moving my hand in front of my face trying to brush aside the topic

"I'm on..ly av..er...a...ge"  
I whispered struggling to make words come out of my mouth as my eyes indulged on something;

 **Four purple faint lines on Oba-san's forearm**...

"I had grabbed her more intensely than I imagined"  
I thought staring at my hand...fro some reason it was trebling

What had I done?

"I'm sorr-"

"Ah don't bother you wanted to avoid this Oba-san fell on the floor right? Besides is not your fault is just this body of mine that is frailer than it used to be, Ok?"  
She motherly patted on my head once more

"Ok..."  
I sulked staring at my feet

"Good boy, now why don't you read your news paper and stop thinking about this stupid incident "  
Oba-chan moved aside from my eyes a dark hairlock and smiled once more with all the teeth she had left.

I really didn't like how she smiled, but I when she smiled it was nice.

* * *

 **"I-I-I...I want something"**

 **"That's not a surprise also the other one had something he wanted, you know what it was?"**

* * *

"So...from all these newspaper I know that: Kori Tomi became the a possible C.E.O of the Yukinoshita corp, Marrying the daughter of the previous company head, this 11 years ago, eight years later he managed to create a procurement empire worth over a billion Yen"  
I repeated playing with an hairlock

...

"this explain nothing I want to know"  
I pulled my hair crushing on the table in front of me.

Fifteen minutes to pick up all the flying news papers, other thirty to put everything in chronologicaly, two hours of reading and nothing. I found absolutely NOTHING ,I just broke my sacred rule of avoid to work in library for NOTHING worthy of my attention: not a scandal nor an accuse of corruption, just a ridiculous number of building his society built around the city...

"And that was only three years ago by now he must have at least doubled the number"  
I mumbled while the light of the afternoon gently caressed my head.

"Guess there is no, material for a scoop..."  
I whispered rearranging the yellow papers

It wasn't like I had nothing to work on, I had precisely NOTHING to work on.

"A big company like his and not even a rumors is too weird to be true..."  
I told myself starting to put back in their box all the news papers

"the option are two: Bakking was lying or Yukinoshita know too well how to hide any shady business  
In the first case I wasted two hours I could have used to read something more funny "  
I thought lifting the cartoon box and began to walk

burdened by the weight of knowledge I clumsily moved through the hallway of the library, as an ominous thought took shape in my mind. With each step I made the words in my brain, I didn't dare to speak reached my mouth with bitter sensation.

"and in the second...It's not someone I want to mess with"  
I finally said in no more than a whisper

I knew how dangerous people could become to hide the truth or to find it, It was something I learned soon after starting to take my pictures, in seven years of life I had already seen more screaming madmen and women with a random weapon than I'd ever wanted to.  
All of them had something to hide, all of them were ready to do things even worse to avoid their secret leaked...  
I didn't understand them, nor I ever want to...  
Still I was thankful to them, they made me realize that fake people have an imagine to mantain while real people just don't care.  
A simple lesson that allowed me to recognize potentially dangerous people.

"What did I want to get involved with?"  
I groaned breathing heavily

not even the smell of paper seemed to calm me down.

So disappointed from my fruitless afternoon I left the cartoon in front of Oba-san's desk box and got out from the library.  
Outside the city seemed empty I could just see two or three people walking around

"well I guess I have nothing to do until sunset"  
I said with lonely voice putting my hands in my pockets

"mmm what is this?"  
I said feeling something strange in my right hand.

it was something thin and rigid...a card perhaps? With a slow motion I draw the object from my pocket and guess what it was a card Horray! The Business card the fat Otaku gave me during lunch.

"Okay...I already threw away my pride, besides work is work"  
I said after staring at the small rectangular piece of hard paper for a Loooooooooong moment.

* * *

 **"he wanted to sleep"**

 **"wrong...sleep is what he wanted after surrendering, what did he fight for? What did he live for?"**

* * *

After my trip in the library I spent the next few days in complete calm following my daily routine.  
I woke up, I cooked, I ate, I worked, I ate, I worked again, ate again, studied things that might turn out to be useful and went to sleep.  
It wasn't an easy life style, but with its monotony gave me security.

" _it's time to get up it's time to get up"  
_ My alarm started to resound one morning

"Time to get up"  
I muttered with my eyes still closed

With one lazy movement I snoozed the alarm

"OH It is six AM, I have probably SIX WHOLE hours…incredible how long it has been since I managed to do it, today must a great day a great Wednesday"  
I said rolling out of my bed covered in my favorite books

with careful steps and an unnatural smile on my lips I got down stairs, I was really in a good mood I even allowed myself to whistle, of course my parents were nowhere to be seen so was imotou-chan, but really who cared I couldn't begin to sulk over common occurences

"...right?"  
I muttered losing my cheerfulness for a moment

Cooking the usual breakfast for the family I started to hum a simple song I learned at nursery school

"today is Monday and I will do to play  
today is Tuesday and I will go to the bay"

Unfortunately my killjoy brain reminded me of one tiny detail

"today is Wednsday...and ...I have something to do?"

with one hummed sentence all my happiness disappeared...I had to wait three long second before

"I have to go at the swimming pool to work..."  
the cruel reality punched my face.

 _ten minutes later  
_ I opened a small door while a few sweat drops adorned my forehead like tiny gems.

"I don't wanna do it, I don't wanna do it"  
I muttered facing the mirror in my bathroom with my hands full of clothe

"okay Nijito you have to do this"

"but I don't wanna"

"it was your Idea"

"no it was your idea"

"you're talking to your reflection"

"maybe I should sleep more"

"yeah maybe.."

"..."

"just dress like a girl and go to make money"

"FINE!"  
I finally screamed losing(?) an argument against myself

So with slow and mechanical movements I began to change.  
It was horrible, wearing the skirt the leggings and T-shirt I bought nearly a week ago... don't make me start with tieing my hair into two twin tails with two pink hairbands( I mean how can girl do it, it's insanely difficult).  
Sure it wasn't the most traumatizing thing I ever done but it was still in the top 10...no top 5, after seeing an old woman and an old lawyer doing kinky stuff, all the other R rated scenes worth nothing.

* * *

 **"I don't understand..."**

 **"Really... you don't understand your own existence"**

* * *

"Attention please the free swimming lesson is about to begin, if you haven't registered yourself yet hurry!"  
a voice exclaimed loud from a speaker

"dammit why is everything so noisy and crowdy"  
I thought walking quietly in the enormous line of people in front of me.

Arriving fifteen minutes early; a simple trick I used imagination It would have saved me lines, crowds and noise...how wrong I was.  
From the moment I arrived till now the whole swimming pool had been filled by too many human beings. I couldn't understand what bothered me the most the noise, the smell of clorum, the hottness or the smell of sweat, I just knew one thing **it was suffocating**

"Hey stop Pushing"  
someone screamed as I was squashed between a dad and a girl about my age

"... why I couldn't find another job...why did I accepted this"  
I mumbled gripping as hard as I could my PreCure backpack.

"This is probably my most difficult task yet"  
I thought trying to separate myself from the world surrounding me

I did many unpleasant thing for money in my seven years of live, but I had yet to feel so humiliated and overdriven.  
I had already to dress like a girl to enter in the girl's changing room, why couldn't the universe help me instead of doing everything possible to annoy me...

"I'm scared of crowds..."  
I shamefully squeezed my eyes imagining to be in the library,

"yeah the quiet library"  
I said regaining a bit of my cool and finally managing to detach from the world

* * *

 **"STOP WITH THIS POINTLESS CRAP! I JUST WANT YOUR STRENGTH"**

 **"oh finally losing your losing your quiet mask Nijito?"**

* * *

I didn't know how much time had passed since I entered in my personal Nirvana, after what could have been minutes or hours a feminine voice called me

"hello young girl what's your name"  
said a man in his thirties

"YES MY PERFECT DISGUISE WORKED...Still why the hell is voice his so feminine!"  
I joyously thought staring at the japanese man seated on behind a desk

"excuse me Ojou-chan I can't make register you in the free swimming lesson if you don't tell me your name"  
The man spoke again making me realize one thing...

I had prepared everything: the clothes, the school swimsuit, my cameras, but I forgot to think a name

"Ni...shi..n..a? Yes my name is Nishina Karuizawa"  
I spat in the heat of the moment

"Can you write it down there"  
he responded handing me a pen and a paper sheet

"Sure"  
I wrote embarrassed with a few quick movements of the pen

"oh you write pretty well from a girl of your age"  
Said the man impressed by my calligraphy

"I practiced a lot mister Totsu... I can't read the rest of the tag"  
I responded trying to read the man's name half hidden by his hand

"Just call me Saikaku, Nishina-chan, but now you'd better hurry up and change into your swimsuit the lesson is about to start"  
man said with his feminine voice

"Of course Saikaku-san"  
I waved my hand running towards the girls changing room...

"this is going to be tiring"  
I muttered opening the door

* * *

 **"Just stop already what do you want"**

 **"an answer just one answer"**

* * *

"So first thing find the Seiyuus then accidentally bump in them while they are changing and try to take some pictures with the camera I hid in my skirt"  
I planned entering in the changing.

I have to say that at the beginning I wasn't particularly embarrassed, I mean all the girls in that room were about my age and half of them were tomboys, so there wasn't nothing for me to worry about.

the real problems arrived when the girls in the changing room began to mutter behind my back terrible things like  
"look at eyebags they are so weird"  
or  
"Just how old are the hairbands she's using"

I wasn't knowledgeable about the social dynamics between girls and I didn't know if it was a common thing criticize the first person you saw ...but why were they so mean?  
Of course I wasn't offended or anything, I didn't cry, you were crying and for sure I didn't start to aimlessly run found eight naked Seyuus in a private changing room I casually entered into...I just walked away from those noisy girl and entered in a room where by coincidence the Seyuus were changing

(Actually all that stuff totally happened)

"OH Crap!"  
was my first thought when I found myself in front of my targets without any kind of plan

"What are you doing you here?"  
Said one of the young women in before my eyes

She was the tiniest among them and had pink dyed hair.

"Uh...uh"  
I mumbled trying to find the right facade for the occasion

"Okay let's see I'm Nishina I have just been bullied because my eye bags so I guess...I was too excited to met my heroines and didn't slept at all, plus I'm shy so i run away from those girls"  
I tought crafting a new mask on the spot while forcing some tears out of my eyes

"Hey little girl why are you crying, tell it to Chitose One-chan"  
the same Seyuu from before advanced boldly reaching me with a warm smile

It took me a second to recognize her:  
"Chitose Karasuma voice actress from Number One Produce. She is the voice of Yuna, one of the five main heroines in the upcoming anime series Millennium Princess x Kowloon Overlord. She has a positive attitude and high confidence."  
said in my mind remembering all the researches I did in the past few days

"an easy target good"  
I whispered putting my hand on my hidden camera and starting to cough

"All the ...all the...al the girl in that room were talking behind my back"  
I pathetically sighed while some fake tears fell on my cheeks

"Really"  
The girl said embracing me...what a peculiar sensation

"they were all saying look at her eyebags so creepy...it's not my fault if I was too excited to sleep yesterday"  
I continued sinking in her arms while in my mind I was just praying "Take the bait take the bait"

"Oh that's terrible"

"YES! ...I mean yes very terrible"

"Hey you know what why don't you tell me your name?"

"N-Nishina"

"I see I see, Nishina-chan you said you were too excited to sleep because of us right"  
Said Karasuma Chitose pointing her tiny index on all the other girls in the room

"Y-yes"  
I muttered trying to blush...unfortunately it was a technique I had yet to master.  
so I just puffed my cheeks and hold my breath, it wasn't subtle like I hoped but it worked

" Would you like to introduce to all of us one on one"  
The girl asked grinning

"Really!  
... _too easy_ "  
I said as happily as I could

"Sure right girl?"  
Karasuma-san proclaimed confident

"I don't mind"  
"Fine"  
"Why not"  
"Actuall-"

"See all the girls are okay with that, Now follow your Chitose One-sama"  
the still naked girl stated dragging me along.

"Money I'm coming"  
I thought while all the plans I didn't planned worked out

* * *

 **" an answer..."**

 **"yeah tell me for what did the first Nijito fight for?"**

* * *

Roughly 55 photos later I had almost completed my job.  
I'd been lying if I said That I had no problem to introduce myself to a bunch of half or completely naked women, still I managed to finish my task without screwing up and left the Seyuus's changing room with an excuse.  
Closing the room's door behind my back I headed towards the toilettes with carefree pace.

"Okay now the difficult part is done"  
I whispered checking the photos I made after closing myself in one of the bathrooms

many of the photos I took were blurry, but I still had a great number of pictures worth selling

"Good, now I have just to do this free lesson and go home"  
I thought turning off the camera and putting it in my backpack

Then with swift mechanical movement I got changed in the school swim suit I bought for the occassion...Why did my life sucked so much?  
It took me a lot of mental strength and a few tears, but I managed to wear that atrocious piece of cloth.

"this day has officially gone in the top 4 of my most traumatic experiences"  
I groaned coming out from the toilettes.

Now I just hoped to go through the rest of the afternoon without anything else to worry about, unfortunately

"Nishina-chan there you are the lesson is about to start come with me"  
an overly cheerful voice actress caught my arm as soon I came out from the restroom.

"Karasuma-saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn?"  
I screamed while she dashed towards the pool with me still in her hands

 _ **this day is never going to end right!**_

* * *

"Everyone WELCOME TO YOUR SWIMMING LESSON WITH YOUR FAVORITE SEYUUS, I'M CHITOSE KARASUMA AND I ASK YOU: ARE YOU EXCITED?"

"YEEEESSSS!"

"I DIDN'T HEARD YOU!"

"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"

"GOOD NOW LET'S DO SOME STRECHING! JUST FOLLOW ME AND MY COLLEGUES AND MY LOVELY ASSISTANT NISHINA-CHAN "

"YEAAAAAHHHH"

"DO YOU WANT TO SAY SOMETHING NISHINA?"

" _fuck my life..._ I mean LET'S HAVE FUN TOGETHER"

* * *

( _two hours later)_

"At last I'm freeeeeeee"  
I screamed after two looooooooong hours of torture receiving a bunch of weird stares from the people around me on the bus.

I knew I should have remained more quiet but really, I thought that after taking the M rated pictures my worry were gone and what happened?  
I became the Karasuma-san's personal assistant and guinea pig for a whole after noon

"Nishina-chan let's show them this excercise, Nishina-chan why are you so flexible?, Nishina-chan you swim so fast, Nishina-chan how can this be the first time you swam?,Nishina-chan you have a camera with you let's take a picture together.  
Why didn't she just leave me alone already, I'm not good with people giving me attention geez"  
I muttered while the face of the upbeat voice actress appeared in my mind

for a second my lips tunrned upwards, I didn't know the last time I had so much fun

"it's a pity though...making money on someone else's kindness"  
I then thought while my lips returned to their usual position and a sense of uneasiness enveloped my heart.

for the rest of the bus trip I didn't speak ot think a single word, I just tried to ignore the strange feeling swirling in my chest. It was the first time I ever took photographs of people who had been kind to me and...well it was also the first time I thought not to deliver my pictures.  
After all those girls had done nothing wrong, they didn't keep hidden anything terrible...the only mistake they made was trusting me.

After my ride ended I came down from the bus, and still dressed like a girl I headed towards my home.  
With each step I took the uneasiness I felt in my heart grew, swelling like a balloon.  
I really didn't knew what to do in order to ignore that annoying feeling, I was facing emotions I had never dealt with before and incapable to address them I just did the only thing that always get me out of trouble.

 **Put on a mask**

"Some one carefree, someone without an hint of doubt"  
I thought crafting the best persona for my situation

"Wow It's the most embarrassing thing I have ever done"  
I declared playing with my hair and re-starting to walk

"But it was damn worthy with my photos I will make a bunch of money better celebrate "  
I smiled reaching the vending machine in the park near my home

I had worked pretty hard today so I believed it was the case to reward myself with some sleep substitute: COFFEE  
Throwing some coins in the machine I bought a warm can of coffee, then hopping on one leg for some reason I reached a bench and opened the can.

"and here we go"  
I said as the bitter smell of coffee penetrated in my nose

slowly moving my hands up I rose the can to my lips like nothing was wrong in the world, after all it was like that...there was nothing wrong...

"Am I a bad person?"  
I asked myself as my stomach twisted and I became unable to rise the can any further

"Naa I'm a good guy I-I have just a few problems...right?"  
I muttered while my newly crafted mask shattered in a thousand pieces.

suddenly my hands started to tremble and the only smell of coffee was revolting my guts

"Dammit"  
I grunted throwing away the can

"What the fuck is wrong with me? I didn't do anything wrong "  
I started to mutter putting my hands on my head and pulling my hairs still tied in two pony-tails

"I don't do this because I like it "  
I tightened my teeth

"Why do I feel so..."  
tears began to flow and my eyes stared at the metallic can I just threw

 _Guilty_  
In an instant all my emotion ceased to exist

"Oh so that's the feeling"  
I whispered watching the aluminium object

"So I never twist al those can out of guilt...peculiar"  
I said regaining my cool.

* * *

 **"..He...I...Fought for approval"**

 **"very well you start to speak my language now... tell me why"**

* * *

After snapping I remained sat on that bench...for well I didn't know how long, asking myself over and over

"Should I sell those pictures?, is it right what I'm doing? If this is guilt what I have felt until now"

yet for some reason each time I thought those questions the answers seemed further from me.  
I stayed on that bench unable to answer until evening arrived with a wave of chilly air, responding to the change of temperature my bones began to shiver and I felt goose bumps.  
Honestly didn't care too much about the cold, but I was well aware that I could afford to get sick, I had my family and job to look after.

So making recourse to all power of will stood up from the bench, still answerless, confused and broken.

"just another step"  
I repeated to myself while I dragged my feet towards home

Still my body seemed to ignore all the orders I gave and every single step required me an insane amount of effort.  
I was so focused on walking that I accidentally bump into a random dude

* _tun_

"Oh I'm sorry..."  
I said facing the teenager that turned out to be one of my aquitainces...Bakkin

"Look were you are walking brat"  
the boy snapped pushing me away

Bakkin had always been the violent type so I wasn't even surprised when he pushed me with his big hands and I also managed to remain on my own feet.

"STOP !"  
I then screamed pointing my index towards the guy

usually I would have just let him go away without doing anything, after all I avoided meaningless trouble...but this time something was different, because I saw an object that appeared only in my **nightmares:** a orange letter with a red seal on it.

I just had to stare at the letter for one second...and the last spark of sanity in me disappeared

* * *

 **"Because approval was the only thing he ever sought, he wanted to be accepted from his family... by anyone else"**

 **"and that's what created you..."**

* * *

As soon as I exploded my brain stopped to work properly

"GET THE LETTER GET THE LETTER GET THE LETTER"  
was the only thing I could think while I dashed against a confused teenager like an angry animal.

The next second of my life felt like some kind of dream:  
First I ran against Bakkin trying to snatch the letter while my hands tightened like hydraulic clamps around his left wrist and the boy grunted painfully.  
In response to my assault Bakkin recovered from the initial shock, started to punch me with his free hand: one, two, three, four blows stuck in my face breaking my lips and bruising all my cheecks, of course they hurted me God knows how much, but all my useless sensations had been shot down so I just ignored the pain and twisted Bakkin's wrist as hard as I could.  
The teenager groaned again, no this time he actually screamed from the pain I was inflicting him and in order to drive me away he began to kick me with all his might.  
I only managed to endure two of them before the third one collided with my stomach and made me lose the grip on Bakkin's wrist.

 _*UGH  
_ I groaned shamefully falling on the ground.

my mouth tasted of blood and there wasn't a single part of me that wasn't screaming in pain. Rolling on my right side I tried to stand up and re-start my assault, but before I could a powerful kick connected to my ribs

* _GHA  
_ I spitas all the air I had in my lungs escaped

"DO YOU LIKE THAT BRAT"  
screamed Bakkin kicking me again

"JUST WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, ATTACKING ME ?! WERE YOU ASKING FOR A LESSON GIRL?"  
he continued kicking me again in the ribs.

After receiving that blow, I felt a faint spark of awareness return to me

"...Just what the hell I did?"  
I questioned myself while another kick approached my torso.

I tried to dodge it, but I was too slow and Bakkin's foot still managed to hit my abdominal area;

"WAAAAAAAA"  
I screamed while I could literally feel bruises form moment after moment on my skin.

Fortunately for me Bakkin was caught in surprise by my sudden scream hesitated one second to draw back his leg, one second that I used to bit his ankle with all the strength I had left in my jaw...it felt strangely pleasant taste someone else's blood instead of mine

"BITCH"  
The teenager roared drawing a small knife from his pocket.

Realizing what was going to happen I let go Bakkin's ankle and rose my right hand in order to stop a silver arc descending upon me.

"bizzarre...I guess I can't win...but maybe **I** can win"  
I thought while the metallic blade of the angry teenager pierced through my palm.

suddenly the world around me ceased to exist and I found myself in my native land...a nameless desert.

* * *

"So I'm here again "  
I said staring at my bleeding

Around me there was nothing just a dunes of golden sand and a body lying on the ground a few metres away.  
Without knowing what to do I walked for a bit on that dry land, with each step I took I gradually became more aware of a presence around me and at some point I stopped to walk waiting nearly an eternity for the presence to say something.

"Hey I know you're here! Come out I need you...please"  
I screamed once I eventually grew tired of waiting

at first I wanted to sound confident and proud...but I just end up praying for help and in waiting again

"ah you're here...all on your own... why do you need me?"  
a cold voice said behind me

It was a voice that I knew pretty well, after all it was my own, but I couldn't help but shiver listening to those arctic words

"I-I-I...I want something"  
I trembled unable to turn towards the voice

"That's not a surprise, also the other one had something he wanted, you know what it was?"  
asked me the voice closing the distance between us with some quiet steps

Each time his feet moved I could feel my heart on the brink of explosion, so to calm down I put on one of my masks  
I waited a bit before answering, I wanted to be sure to know who was "the other one", but given the place there was only an option

"he wanted to sleep"  
I said calmly still giving my back to the voice

"wrong...sleep is what he wanted after surrendering, what did he fight for? What did he live for?"  
The voice retorted vehement and cold

"I don't understand..."  
I muttered caught aback by it's statement

"Really... you don't understand your own existence"  
the voice mocked at me, shattering my composed mask, making me feel the same...rage I had in me when I was attacking Bakkin

"STOP WITH THIS POINTLESS CRAP! I JUST WANT YOUR STRENGTH"  
I roared turning towards the voice

"oh finally losing your losing your quiet mask Nijito?"  
smiled another me, when I finally faced him

Starring at him I suddenly felt empty, all the anger, all the fury in my heart evaporated and only a hollow sensation remained in my chest.

He was my perfect copy but, I was still disguised like a girl full of bruises and had my wounded while he was enveloped in a white robe and was free from any injuries.

"Just stop with your mind already, what do you want? "  
I asked after humming my dry lips

"an answer just one answer"

" an answer...?"

"yeah tell me for what did the first Nijito fight for?"

"..He...I...Fought for approval"

"very well you start to speak my language, now... tell me why"

"Because approval was the only thing he ever sought, he wanted to be accepted from his family... by anyone else"

"and that's what created you...after all you were like me: a delusion"

"...Like you?"

"That's right Nijito, you were and I'm a delusion, a persona born from this desert that is our mind shaped just to accomplish a desire, "

"...a desire?"

"desire, wish, dream call it like you want, it doesn't change anything"

"...just who am I? who are you?"

"You are Nijito, the second Nijito born to achieve the approval wished by the first one. Think about all the masks you crafted, they were never created out of need... you made them to be accepted from everyone even from yourself.  
And I...I'm Nijito...the version of you that can achieve what you desire"

" **you are Truth"  
"I am Truth"**

"You know what's the price for my strenght...are you ready to pay it"  
He (I) said after I didn't dare to speak anymore

"Yes, I'm ready"  
I responded at last with a calm I mustered only the night I was born

"very well... **now sleep** "  
He (I) said starting to choke me, in the same way I did last time.

quickly my eyes became difficult to keep open

The last thoughts went to all the people I had always approached under a mask...I was kind of sorry to have never showed them my true self, but I guessed it was too late for regrets so I just let myself die in that desert corner of my mind, while someone stronger than me took my place.

 _Good Night_

* * *

From a hot desert with the sun at its zenith to a chilly park with the moon peaking from the horizon. That was the first thing I noticed after returning from my mind

"Nijito...N-I-J-I-T-O, that's my name, but I'm more San(3)-jito at this point uh?"  
I muttered while I regained awareness of my surrounding

At the moment I was on the ground, a knife was stuck in my right hand...and

"Have you had enough Bitch or you want some more"

an enraged teenager was a few steps away from me

"Right still in a middle of a fight... Geez what a shitty situation"  
I whispered standing up from the ground

I thought that I would have struggled a lot to do it after all I had taken quite a few blows from my opponent, Bakkin.  
Yet oddly enough I managed to with ease, I didn't seem I had been beaten into a pulp until a minute ago.  
My ribs didn't hurt anymore, my cheeks werent pulsing; I was completely free from any injuries except for the knife still inside my palm

"well I can remove this problem quickly"  
I thought staring at my hand and then extracting the blade

"What the Fuck "  
Muttered the teenager astonished

"uh that's new...but I guess I have other things to do now"  
I watched my hand's wound heal on its own and then turned towards Bakkin

On his face there was quite the expression; mixture of fear, disbelief and rage"

" Just What the fuck are you?"  
he pointed his hand at me

"I have no Idea Bakkin, but I have an idea about what to do with your knife"

* * *

And now the Local news

Yesterday Aikasa Baki a young drug dealer 17 years old was found unconscious in the residential area of the city, apparently he had been stabbed in his leg with a small knife and then choked, probably a fight between small criminals. He is currently being hold by local police for illegal possession of cannabis.

Another scandal widespread on the web and scandalistic newspaper this morning, the Paparazzo Two strike once more this time to damage eight voice actress of age between 18 and 21."

* * *

Fighting  
everyone fight for something, in my case it's the **Truth.  
** everything else doesn't matter to me anymore, I will whatever it takes  
lying, betraying, hurting, hunting  
I won't stop until I will have discovered all the secrets in this orange letter...  
one time I asked myself if I was a bad person, the answer  
Yes  
I live thanks to people secrets, mistakes and naivety  
I'm a parasite  
but the **T** **ruth**

 **is that I'm fine with it**

* * *

 **FINALLY THIS NIGHTMARE IS OVER (PUN) AND I CAN FOCUS ON HACHIMAN'S POINT OF VIEW  
I HOPE NIJITO'S SIDE QUEST DIDN'T BORE YOU...  
I'M TRYING ****TO CONVEY A DIFFERENT A BIT DIFFERENT FROM THE BATTLE/SHOUNEN OF THE 3 PROTAGONISTS**

 **LET ME KNOW YOUR OPINIONS OR DOUBTS IN REVIEWS OR PMs**

 **As always thanks to everybody who follow this story my beta reader devilnightking100 and sorry for the click bait of ch2**

* * *

 **NEXT WEEK "THE LONER" WHERE THE SHIT GETS REAL**


	3. The Loner I

THE LONER I

"So that's who you truly are sempai"

"I don't understand what do you mean by that, as far as I'm concerned I have always acted as myself"

"STOP WITH YOUR DAMN SOPHISTRY! YOU ARE A MAGUS! _you kept it hidden from everyone... from me, why you didn't trust me_ "

"...Iroha"

* * *

"Fuck... another of those sick dreams"  
I muttered coming out from my not-so-peaceful sleep

Slightly shaking my head I began to re-gain awareness of my surroundings, I was lying on a warm Futon in a place miles away from my home.

"Right Fuyuki"  
I thought as my brain finally started to work properly

* * *

 **The magical adventures of brain-kun epsiode-11**

 _error 404 data not found_

* * *

Standing to my knowledge today was friday, exactly a week had passed since I started : an unwanted exchange project, a **long** abstinence from Max Coffee and to have weird dreams...

Of course by weird,I didn't mean dreams like those in which I turn into a laser-shooting unicorn (those were my favorite), but WEIRD dreams where I was in a burning building, on Chiba's bridge,in an air port or a sinking ship...or other places, doing conversation I never had before with people like: Isshiki, Shizuka-sensei, Yukinoshita, Yuigahama and other I won't bother to list.

"really there is really something off with this city"  
I said leaving my lukewarm nest and stretching my arms

"six hours and ten minutes of sleep every night, this is really a holiday"  
I muttered while my body gradually left aside the morning numbness.

It was a strange sensation...not being sleep deprived and without the need of drinking coffee every three hours.

"Damn if it sucks"

It took me just three days to change my mindset from"ahaha finally I got a vaction, bye bye stupid paper work and reports, I don't have any mission to do, mail to read or clubs to attend, **I'm free** ". To "I'm so Booooooooooorrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeedddd, why there isn't wi-fi in this house!"

and please don't get me wrong I was a great fan of peace, quiet and procrastination, God I was the king of doing-nothing-all-day...but I finished all the books I took with me from home in less than 72 hours, there wasn't a decent internet connection in this stupidly big maison so no animes, or netflix, leaving me only with one option: spend my free time grinding on Monster Hunter with my Vita-chan

"speaking of which, where did I leave it?"  
I said looking around the room.

To be honest, I wasn't exactly comfortable with looking this room, why?  
well because IT WAS OF A DAMN MAGUS!

and if all the time I spent with my family and Oroboro taught me something was that when I touched the wrong object in the room of a Magus the consequences could be atrocious: explosions, curses, summonings, my dad's collection of footnails and God knows what else!

To be fair I had yet to found anything dangerous, but I couldn't lower my guard, after all It could be a trap of Emiya Shiro, the happy go lucky teenager who's hosting me during my exchange project, the same dude owner of this magically protected maison, the same boy that every night train in the use of basic magic failing 99 times out of 100 and cooked all my meals since I arrived here.

"...Naaaaaa, he too good of a guy, really so good he reaches the level of being annoying, besides from what I have seen Emiya barely has enough power to use reinforcement magic...Kyotaka and Ed calls me a Noob magus, I can't imagine their reaction if they saw Emiya at work in his...workshop...I guess the tool shed is his workshop "  
I said brushing aside all my concerns

"Still where the hell is my Vita-chan"  
I groaned deciding it was better ask to the maid of the house

and so I carelessly came out from the room, without my fake skin and still wearing my tracksuit-slash-pajama.  
Really one week of peace and I had already softened that much

* * *

Walking quietly in the hallways of Emiya's household, I headed towards the kitchen, at first I had a few problems orienting in this f***ing big maison, the number of times I turned in the wrong direction or begged the God of travellers, Zoro Roronoa-sama, were more than I could count, fortunately now it was a problem from the past.

"So right or left... _Zoro-sama_ "  
I muttered in front of a fork

* * *

 **The magical adventure of brain-kun episode 12**

 **"** Now Hachiman standing from your memories and Goolemaps you should go...lef...I mean right"  
"you mean the direction where the smell of food doesn't come from?"  
"...right? who said right? I clearly said left"

* * *

"So left"  
I said distracting peaking at my reflexion on a window.

Jeez my hair were a damn mess and my eyes...WHAT THE HECK WAS WRONG WITH MY EYES!, they didn't have the usual pair of black shades under them, was I sick?, was I dying? Was I having enough sleep?

"Oh right..."  
I whispered returning to move in my original direction.

closing my distance with the kitchen I delighted myself with the delicious smell coming out from it. Really I Emiya might sucked in magecrafth, videogames ( I will tell you another time) and theatrical improvisation (I will never tell you...PTSD), but he really knew his way around cookers.  
In my personal list he was under Magumi Tadokoro, above Yukinoshita and... light years above Yuigahama: so Silver medal to Shiro Emiya.

"Sup Emiya"  
I said entering in the kitchen

"Oh good morning you two"  
he responded greeting me and...Sakura Matou

Emiya's personal cute kohai, she was under every physical aspect of a rare beauty, violet hair and eyes, not too tall nor too small, endowed chest proportions and a particularly sweet voice...at first I thought to trade with Emiya Isshiki and her, but that plan of mine was short lived.  
After all Sakura Matou was the most dangerous person I met since coming here

"good morning Hikigaya-sempai"  
She said to me with her sugared voice...that voice that only God knew was what truly hiding

"Y-yo, Matou-san"  
I responded calm as possible looking her while my magical senses began to scream.

* * *

 **Blackness  
** the only thing I saw starring in Sakura Matou's eyes was blackness,

Thanks to my magic I had the ability to see the manifestation of someone's pain just by starring in his eyes and focusing.  
but when it comes to Sakura Matou...

Well,  
she was so filled with pain,  
 **I could see black screaming smoke rising from her and I didn't even need to focus.**

* * *

 **The eyes are the mirror of the soul** a sentence I heard countless time in my life (mostly as a mock in middle school due to my "peculiar" trait), that however it held some truth: While laughs, tears, blushes,grimaces are all things that with the right amount of practice can be mastered and turned into tools to craft the perfect masks, eyes are a direct portray of someone's mind...they can not be trained, they can not be turned into tools.

Sakura did a good job at using expression: she looked amused when she should, she was embarrassed when she should and put her smile downwards when it was needed; To be honest at first glance she even fooled me, a feat even the queen of manipulation Haruno Yukinoshita didn't achieved

(Hikigaya's actual first thoughts about Sakura " aaahhhh her eyes have no fucking pupil, and why does she trigger my OniChan-senses plus my -SheIsADamnYandere-senses" ).

Still it just took me a glance lasting one second at her eyes to see the truth behind her quiet and timid mask.  
Sakura hid a suffering beyond comprehension, I could see it in her cold and empty... eyes.  
Usually the eyes of those who have suffered resembled the ones of a wounded animal: diffident and lit by sparking anger.

Yet such a light didn't exist in the girl's eyes  
Matou Sakura was a girl whose eyes told the story of a child that had and was still suffering  
the story of someone so broken who forgot how it felt to be free from pain  
... so stupidly corny and familiar.

Still, after the watching her eyes for just another moment I realized there was something else in her, something even I couldn't define  
 **A Darkness much deeper and ancient that far exceeded my expectations.**

Sakura wasn't just broken.

 **She was a bomb ready to explode.**

 **She was like a mass of glass shards kept together by power of will and the thing she desired the most.**  
 **EMIYA SHIRO.**

It was evident for anyone that Sakura had a massive crush for Emiya (EXCEPT FOR THE GUY HIMSELF STUPID HAREM PROTAGONIST) and this fact alone reassured me, because it made Sakura not stable, but predictable

"Damn I don't dare to imagine what would happen if Emiya got a girlfriend, Sakura will probably turn in one of the Wivern from Monster Hunter...which makes me remember"  
I thought averting my eyes from Sakura and turning towards Emiya

"Hey Emiya have you seen my PSvita?"  
I asked to him

"you left it on the couch in the living...I guess you were saying something about a **GODDAMN TEMPERED RATHLOS** "  
He boredly said without turning his head away from the food.

"oh Right!"  
I told myself rushing away from the kitchen

partially because I was scared of interrupting Emiya's senpai-time with Matou

"AHRG"  
and partially because activating my magic senses in Fuyuki was the same as smashing my head against a hammer.

" **Mom! Where are you!?** "  
girl cried far away making my brain explode

legs began to shake and I fell on the ground

" **move it's falling down aaaaaaaaaaa** "  
an old man screamed before something silenced him for ever

"Just what happened in this city ?"  
I groaned paralised on the ground while visions of fire and smoke obscured my view

" _ **I can't breathe** "  
_Muttered a child as he alone remained in that blazing hell

Then in one moment all the screams and all the flame disappeared, my powers had re-entered under my control, yet those imagines were still vivid in my mind.

"Ah This is... fucked up, too much negativity for a single city on fire"  
I grunted holding my head in my hands.

For a long minute I remained immobile on the floor, slowly inspiring and expiring unwilling to stand up.

"I'd better do some researches...after all there I have enough free time"  
I told myself once managed to relax

So I sluggishly got up and headed towards the bathroom hoping that a warm shower would have Re-set my terrible morning.  
unfortunately IT DIDN'T; on contrary it just triggered another unpleasant sequence of events.  
To begin with the water coming out from the shower decided to constantly switch from Boiling to freezing, then I realized I had forgotten my bathrobe, so I was forced to use just a towel to dry and cover myself.

* * *

"Cold cold cold cold cold"  
I muttered wandering in the arctic hallways of the Emiya household to reach my room

Really couldn't that damn red haired Riajuu spend more money to warm his damn house, my balls were freezing. My goosebumps had goosebumps and the hairs on my body were bristling like a werebat's teeth...trivia when you are bitten by them you don't turn in a vampire, but in an anthropomorphic mosquito eater.  
when I finally arrived in my room, I wore my fake skin fast as a lightning, I couldn't bear this insupportable cold anymore so I began to tap my shoulders until a small.  
*bip resounded and a mechanical voice said "warming system activated".  
suddenly orange lines started to glow inside the synthetic layer of skin spreading a hot fuzzy feeling through my whole body.

"Oh yes, so much better"  
I started dressing up, finally enveloped by warmness,

"that's right repent cold because I'm not a pyromaniac dragon slayer, but I can still defeat you ahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahah"  
I grimaced re-entering in the kitchen

Where...Emiya and Matou were doing...something I guessed indulging my eyes on the scene before me:  
Emiya's head against the wall, Matou's hand on a knife, wall, knife.  
Probability a enraged Yandere murder was going on? Medium  
Probability some idiotic shananigans from a third tier Ecchi were going on? Medium

"sound like not my business"  
I concluded coming again out from the kitchen

In fact Standing to my accurate calculations whenever, you were dealing with a Yandere, Yuigahama's cooking, Levi's spring cleaning or isshiki's duties retreat was always the best option.  
So whistling like a murder possible at 50% wasn't going on I returned to my room and began to kill time on my Iphone.

" 7 new mails"  
I read on the screen.

"let's see, Komachi, Yuigahama, Yuigahama, Hiratuka-sensei... Yukinoshita-senior, unknown number and Totsuka"  
I scrolled down the phone checking the various messages

Moving my thumb I selected the message with the highest priority and began to read it

* * *

From Totsuka

"Hello Hachiman how are you? It's already been a week since you went away and many people feel you are not around. I was a bit sad you didn't tell me about the exchange project but, I bet it wasn't your fault...

Anyway I hope you're enjoying yourself, call me when you are free"

* * *

"...I didn't warn Totsuka about the exchange project"  
I trembled

"I made sad the purest of all creatures... _I'm a monster_ "  
I whispered ashamed of my own existence.

I had to apologize, to explain to Totsuka-sama the reasons behind my actions, earn his forgiveness, regain his favor.

"Jesus"  
I muttered ready to type the most tear jerking apologize ever

Unfortunately for me an intruder made her way in the room (with the classyest war shout I ever heard ),before I could start

" **HIKIGAYA!** "

"what?"  
Was the loquacious answer I planned to use.

But before I could even open my mouth, the intruder swinged some kind of stick towards my face.  
Acting out of instinct I rose my left forearm to intercept the blow, much lighter and slower than I expected. With an empty _*tung_ the stick bounced off my arms, leaving me the perfect opening to strike back. Faster than my opponent expected I closed the distance between us.

Foe- Unknown, female by voice

Threat-minimum

Counter- throw off balance with a foot swipe, grab with right hand and punch unconscious with a left hook

Time needed -1 second

With one fluid movement I moved my right heel behind the feet of my opponent and swiped them away with a *swam  
 **sense of balance corrupted**

Then with my right hand I tightly grabbed the fabric of her clothes and pulled it towards myself  
 **footing completely threw away**

and moved my fist towards Fujimura-sensei's face...  
 **ABORT ABORT!**

I stopped my punch one centimetre away from Fujimura-sensei's face

"uh? Sensei?"  
I asked utterly confused looking at her distorted face

she was keeping her eyes closed, her whole body was squirming as if trying to escape from my grasp and from her blushing face the only thing coming out was  
"Don't hit me, I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry "  
before she started to just emit meaningless grunts

"OH PLEASE CAN YOU AVOID TO TURN EVERY THING I DO IN AN ANNOYING SITUATION UNIVERSE?!"  
I screamed in my head as I started to calm down Fujimura-sensei  
At first with kind words like  
"are you okay?, I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you"  
or  
"open your eyes, com'on open them ooopen them, really open those damn eyes! Just How old are you five?"

and then when Fujimura-sensei became too uncooperative, I chose more direct words such as  
"Okay is something I shouldn't ask to a woman, but really act your age"  
or  
"no I'm not being rude I'm pointing out that you entered in this room swinging something and expected I just let you hit me"  
and  
"I don't care what Emiya does"

Unfortunately none of them seemed to work so I decided to use the heavy weaponry  
" Really stop to roll on the floor or I will eat your breakfast"

and got reactions

"No my breakfast NOOO!"  
Fujimure-sensei finally got a grip

"Well we have an agreement, now get up the others are waiting for us"  
I said leaving the room with my usual bored fashion

* * *

The rest of morning went on pretty smoothly, I ate a tasty breakfast I did nothing to have and most important Emiya and Matou didn't seem to care about my little fight against Fujimura-sensei.  
Nothing went wrong until I did something utterly stupid...small talks

"Matou, Emiya what did you do to the back of your hand?"  
I asked capted by a few red marks the teenagers had on back of their hands

I believed it was nothing important maybe some dirth or hikeys made in a peculiar position...I never expected such an uproar from the two teenagers in front of me.  
They had two opposed reactions: Matou lost all colors on her face and stopped to breath, meanwhile Emiya's face was like set on fire and his eyes started to glitter of an ominous light.  
They were respectively the epitomes of fear and anger

Without even bothering to control his own hand Emiya immediately, moved to check Matou that, oddly enough, rejected him and muttered  
"I-it's fine Senpai, I just fell...beside you have a bruise too"  
It was clear she didn't want to talk about that bruise behind her hand, so she attempted to distract Emiya. pretty poorly in my opinion

"Okay... the situation went beyond my control scaringly fast...ehm Time to use an adult to quiet down the situation?"  
I thought caught back by the events in front of me, mostly because each time I imagine something similar to happen the one snapping was Matou.

as the roles inverted my mind made a simple reasoning, Matou in emotional shock + emotional pressure from Emiya = Nothing good for me.

Eager to stop whatsoever was going on, I searched for Fujimura-sensei emitting "help" vibes. Unfortunately the woman was nowhere to be found

"What the hell! she disappeared, it's like a lazy author forgot her in a previous chapter and now is just getting along with the flow!"  
I screamed in my head.

Unable to drop the matter to someone else I conveyed it was time I took the reins of the situation

"well at least let's bandage your hands"  
I said taking a first aid kit from a corner of the kitchen

Forunately, it was enough to calm down the two teenagers in front of me  
"...did they perhaps forget I was in front of them."

* * *

 **The magical adventures of brain-kun episode 13**

"It's a question you don't want an answer to"

* * *

Anyway, after calming a bit down Emiya got away from Matou and rose his bruised hand towards me

"Oi what are you doing Emiya?"  
I looked at him with empty eyes

"Uh, letting you do some first aid?"  
he asked confused...really the cavalry was dead

"Ladies first!"  
I brushed away his hand and gestured Sakura to come

"really what a impolite guy"  
I said in my mind slightly influenced by my Oni-chan senses triggered by Sakura Matou.

"Okay..."  
she whispered reaching me with careful steps

"Dammit do not overlap Komachi's imagine on this girl"  
I ordered myself, looming in a mutiny

 _fuck_

"Let's see what you have here"  
I muttered lightly grasping Sakura's hand; it was warm and tough, yet it shivered in my hands like it could crumble in a second

"Nothing seems off but, it's bad for a girl of your age to fall and bruise your hand"  
I said in the same tone I use with Komachi examining Matou's hand.

"uumm"  
Sakura muttered while I was bandaging her... bruise

Still that so called bruise for its unusual pattern and color seemed to me more a washed-out tattoo.

"What the hell is this thing"  
I whispered as I perceived some faint traces of mana coming out from those red marks.  
I wasn't sure though, near Matou my magic senses were uttermost inaccurate.

Thanks Hikigaya-senpai"  
the girl whispered flustered once the bandaging was over.

"You're welcome but really...be more careful,  
your hands are strong and frail at the same time, maybe you should think about entrust them to someone"  
I spit out some "you can make him yours ", bullshit.

It wasn't out of kindness or anything it was just re-directing all attention on Emiya after I showed my irresistible Oni-chan side.

"well now It's your turn Emiya"  
I called him out to bandage his hand too

"oh Right"

"ah you have the same strange bruise as Matou, did you handled a vegetable treated with, I don't know, strange insecticides?"

"Dunno, to me it seems more like a bruise than an allergic reaction"

"Bha until it doesn't hurt or turn yellow do as you like Emiya"

"Is only with this creepy style that you show concern about people?"

"Naaaa just with morons"

"I see...Wait did you just call me moron?"

"I most certainly didn't do not"

"...I hate double negations"

* * *

Subsequently the "great battle in the holy land of Emiya's kitchen" the incredible me and the ordinary Matou and Emiya headed towards school.  
This friday didn't start exactly with a ten but, the sun kissing my skin promised a quiet and easy going day but.

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun episode 14**

"something is starring at us, third building on our right, feeble mana signature, treat unknown"

* * *

Now for those who haven't known the sun for long let me tell you this

 **the sun doesn't keep its promise,  
** **Yeah you heard me Solaire DO NOT PRAISE THE SUN**

" _sun you filthy bastard_...Emiya, Matou, I forgot one thing in my room, I have to go back,"  
I said to the two teenagers turning my back

"Sure no problem, we will wait here"  
responded Emiya while I rushed back and gave my thumbs up

Re-entering inside the powerful magical field surrounding Emiya's house I let out a groan filled of annoyance  
 _*ttttthhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr_

Then after barely managing to keep my cool I inhaled and exhaled until my nerves stabilized.

"Really what the fuck is wrong with this city, first an insane amount of negativity that breaks my head in two, then a terrible romantic subplot and now...something at least on the level of a Death Apostole"  
I whispered entering in my room while glimpses of a woman standing on top of a building flashed in my mind.

Stepping with angry feet on the floor I went to take my emergency silver suitcase, left in a corner of the room. Reflecting the state of peace my mind was in I roughly put my hand on the handle and said  
"8man Rocks"

"voice recognized"  
the suitcase responded opening with a _ftssss._

"Thank god I asked Winry to add the suitcase mode on my drawer all those years ago"  
I muttered taking out from the suitcase a.k.a. The-secret-drawer-in-my-room various object.

First my gun, then a magazines of normal bullets, then one of magically enchanted ones, my dagger and a small Lapis filled with light magic.

"Okay and my insurance is ready"  
I said hiding all the stuff in my pockets and other locations I will never disclose with anyone

Sure I wasn't the kind of person that liked to go around armed, I mean why should risk to have all my blow up my cover because someone saw me with a gun...still it was better being safe than sorry.

"Now let's see if she is on any database"  
I took out from the suitcase my laptop, then rapidly typed the 20 characters password and opened a program named WWML (World Wide Mercenary List)

"a woman...171/ 172 centimetres tall, pink hair...eh wearing a sleep mask? In her middle early twenties"  
I calmly typed all the details I remembered of the one on the roof-top.

* * *

Know your enemy, surely the catch-phrase I liked the most...okay not the one I liked the most, that spot was occupied by " _ **ZA WARUDO!**_ (the world)", but still the catch-phrase I applied the most in my life.  
Knowing a potential or actual opponent, was a head start I always struggled to obtain.

Why?  
well because Name, surname, nickname, nationality, allergies, past works or favorite ice-cream, were all info that properly used could be turned in weapons

Shiro Emiya for example, he is a good guy there is no doubt about that, still in case one day I had to fight him ( and he was actually a treat), I'd be sure to poison all the toffee flavored ice-cream in the whole Fuyuki.

* * *

Unfortunately for me the mysterious roof top woman didn't appear on my database, even after I added the filter "probably not human".

"Not her, not her, not her, this one shot me one time, not her and not her. Really this is just a list of cosplayer of Yuno Gasai"  
I muttered scrolling the profiles of dozens of pink haired murderer and anthropomorphic magical creatures.

With my disappointment I didn't manage to find a single clue and so I decided to interrupt my researches and return to Emiya and Matou.

"Sorry if it took me so long, I couldn't find my pencil-case"  
I said coming out from the house hold and trying to avoid the " **we are going to be late"** stares from Emiya

"Really Hikigaya, couldn't you pay more attention preparing your school bag now we have to run"  
the golden eyed teenager responded annoyed

"Oi give me a break, I said I was sorry. Besides you could have gone on your own I didn't ask you to wait"  
I retorted displeased...did he not know a ominous was observing woman us? Oh of course not!

"Ma Ma stop you two you can argue later, now let's move or we are truly going to be late"  
entered in scene the voice of reason a.k.a Sakura Matou stopping a potential insult fight between me and Emiya

I was a bit sad though I had just renewed my repertory of insults for Riajuus

"Aye"  
"Aye"  
Emiya and I responded, starting to walk in order to follow Matou's example

"Next time next time Hachiman, you will make him repent his popularity another time"  
I thought walking a little behind the auburn and violet haired duo.

"Still I'd prefer that woman wasn't continuing to stalk us"

* * *

" five minutes left, if we speed up a bit we can do it"

"all right Sempai"

"Hikigaya don't slack and move those feet"

"Why you two are so concerned with arriving punctual, it is not the end of the world if we arrive late a few minutes"

"Hikigaya-sempai I heard today Max Coffee will be inside the vending machines"

"GET OUT THE WAY YOU TWO"

"nice job Sakura look how he is running now"

"Thanks sempai I do my best...but maybe I overdid"

"why you say so?"

"GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE GIMMIE MAX COFFEEE"

" just a feeling"

* * *

I can't believe she tricked me  
Seven words, seven words that spoken in furious tone portrayed perfectly my mood after discovering that the school was still without Max Coffee...

"I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE TRICKED ME!"  
I said walking on the stairs of the school beside Emiya

"Are you actually angry? Com'on it was just a prank"  
Responded Emiya Shiro completely ignoring the delicate state my mind was currently in

"Oh yeah joke...THEN IF I STARTED TO MAKE PRANKS USING YOUR FRYING PANS"  
I retorted angered

"Do not touch my kitchen tools"  
he hissed poisonous

"And you don't desecrate the saint name of Max"  
I growled

"Damn this guy is going to make me go crazy"  
we both whispered leaving between us silence.

For a few steps none of us spoke, and I found myself free from stupid social interactions for ten entire blissful seconds.  
But of course Emiya had to ruin the magic starting to speak again

"So what do you think?"  
He suddenly asked without introducing any topic

"about what?"  
I asked since mind reading wasn't one of my 108 loner skill

"About Sakura, I mean that bruise I'm sure you have noticed she was lying about "falling" "  
said Emiya doing air-quote, how old was he seven?

"Of course, its the oldest excuse ever made"

"I bet it's Shinji's fault"

* * *

 _FLASHBACK_

 _"_ Hikigaya he i-"

"The name is Shinji Matou, keep it in mind new guy"

"Fantastic a Jerk"

* * *

"ah Jerk-kun he is Matou's cousin right?"

"brother actually, but it's not the point...I just want to understand what happened to Sakura and how much should I worry"

"Uh unexpected, I believed you were just going to take up the cudgels and assault Jerk-kun, I'm impressed"

"...Hikigaya I'm serious"

"Okay okay my bad, I think it's better wait. I highly doubt Matou will talk or admit anything now, or at least I wouldn't in her situation. The best approach is trying to interrogate her in a few days"

"maybe you're righ-Shinji!"

"Of course I'm righ-aaaannndd there he goes"  
I said after Emiya disappeared from my field of view and rushed in front a guy descending the stairs

The one I called Jerk-kun...MATOU SHINJI HIMSELF!

"why do I keep doing casual conversations it always end badly"  
I scolded myself following my landlord

"Shinji did you hurt Sakura?!"  
Introduced himself Shiro Emiya...with his horrible habitude of not introducing the topic, really the dude should understand people do not read his mind

"Good morning to you too Emiya and I don't know what your talking about"  
retorted Matou senior with a smug on his face

"the bruise on the back of her hand"  
said the Emiya barely containing his anger

"That!...oh that, the idiot just fell down the stairs"  
responded Jerk-kun after losing his composture for a moment

"...My Oni-chan senses are telling me to beat him down"  
I thought while imagining the interactions between Matou (the cute one) and Matou (the jerk one)

"Y-you.."  
Shiro clanged his fists

"Oh please do not start a brawl here...there is none I can make bets with"  
I muttered closing the distance with the two teenagers

"Oh are you angry Emiya? but I wonder why, after all I didn't do a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g"  
Matou grinned and leaned forward trying to make Emiya snap

"Just let's go Emiya"  
I said in bored tone crossing my arms

"Hikigaya?!"  
the golden eyed boy turned towards me surprised

"Right follow the advice of your boyfriend and move aside"

"OH God does he ever shut up"  
I thought watching his confident and grinnning face

Just how insecure he was, to act like this with ,apparently, the only person that called him friend.  
As his Sister Shinji Matou wore a mask, I could see i. Yet it wasn't a mask he crafted to fool other people...the facade he kept going on was to fool himself.  
I didn't know well Matou nor was interest in to, still staring at him I could break apart each part of his personailty...And I hate to admit it but I could empathize with the guy.

* * *

 **None ever expected something from him.**

That was the single reason, the single point where all the arrogance of Matou Shinji came from and the only thing that joined us

 **Trying to convince yourself you are not worthless by acting like you are superior to the others,  
** If Matou and I were ever accused of this crime probably our only sentence would be

 **"Yes judge I'm Guilty."**

Growing as the only "not" magecraft user in my home wasn't exactly easy, my parents never had expectation for me, they just dropped everything on Komachi...for a long time I ignored it yet, I eventually grew tired of feeling worthless and choose to feel different, to feel superior to common people. It was delightful at start with the right mind set I could turn my insecurities in confidence but, keeping lying to myself wasn't healthy; my confidence turned in overconfidence, then in arrogance...and my arrogance turned me into a crazy sliver.  
It was still the early days of Oroboro we were barely five member...Kyotaka, Kasumi, Hiccup, Megumi and I. Arrogant as I were...and partially am still now, I kept organizating missions one more dangerous than the other and if someone asked me if it was too much I just responded

"what are you talking about I'm me after all I can do it"

Yes I could steal precious materials from a Magus hide,  
 _yeah I could continue to heal all my brats bringing their wounds on me  
 **of course I could go head on against a Death Apostole  
** **CERTAINLY I COULD BRING THIS FUCKING WORLD TO KNEE BEFORE ME BECAUSE THAT WAS HOW MUCH I VALUED.**_

(Right...that was kinda my mindset...it still is but now I take proper time to plan each of my moves and don't deliberately try to kill myself and my brats.)

BUT (returning to the original topic) one day I understood I was lying to myself: It was a Tuesday afternoon and Komachi had run away from home, she didn't go far she just arrived at the park near our home, still it was enough to make my parents panic after returning from work. They could just wonder where their little powerful Magus went...patethic, of course the one to find her was me more to calm down my parents than out of brotherly love.

 **In fact until that day I quite despised my own little sister**

After all she was the one who got all the attention, she was the one that mom and dad were proud of, was it wrong to hate her after my life turned into a living hell because my parents only thought about the future of their little powerful Magus?

Of Course the answer was Yes...it was wrong, but I would have never accepted it.

"Oi What are you doing here? mom and dad are worried"  
I asked her that day.

I didn't care for the answer I just wanted to bring her back at home and start a new Oroboro's mission, Yet her response completely changed my life

" I escaped... mom and dad always talk about magic with me, you never give me attention and... and none is ever at home I feel lonely"  
She said with her tiny little teary voice.

For all that time I thought I was the only one to suffer and so I decided on my own that everybody else had an easy life.  
It was a lie I created by myself: maybe to appreciate me more since I was enduring suffering a common person would never feel, or I just wanted hide from my sight my own hypocrisy.

I who was wounded deeply by being ignored by my family, now was ignoring my little sister  
I who bragged to be superior to common people, now couldn't even make my little sister stop crying  
I who decided to be the best, now realized...I was just the worst.

That day I decided to stop to blame others for my shortcomings and to love my little sister as much as I could no-stop, because if I ever stopped one day, I might have re-started to hate her again.

* * *

"Still it's better this guy realise the truth, I'll destroy that screwed up illusion of yours!"  
I thought ready to use my personal version of the Imagine Breaker

"Ah don't misunderstand Matou, I'm not doing it for him, I'm doing it because arguing with you it's a waste of time...  
It sucks have an inferiority complex towards all your friends and siblings uh?"

and Bam I dropped my bomb, it was supereffective, upon hearing my words Jerk-kun snapped and tried to punch me...key word  
Tried

"You bastard-AH?  
Eh!  
IH!  
OH!  
UH!

FUCK!"

He said while attempting to punch me, being dodged and blatantly fall down the stairs...it was Fucking hilarious!

Of course he then started to shout something about lawyers, revenge ect ect and the situation wasn't so funny anymore.  
Thank God Emiya took responsibility for the whole mess and I didn't get punished...or at least that was what I thought

* * *

Being popular, otherwise known as PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT MY EXISTENCE: the base of the school social ladder and the major interest of people around my age.  
I have heard countless times by boy X or girl Y say "I want to be popular" for many different petty reasons.  
However I doubt that the XY couple ever realized one thing... being popular, being known didn't mean be liked as well. And the reason I Hikinvisibleaya Hachiunpopularman knew that was simple

"have you heard...the new guy Hikigaya beat up Matou"

"Really I didn't know, but it doesn't surprise me he looks kind of dangerous and creepy besides Matou..is Matou"

Becuse since This morning none seemed to shut the fuck up about me... and still nobody liked me.

"employee-san this Riajuu popularity I received is defective I don't want it, take it back"

Really it was from the second hour of lesson that annoying whispers had started to run through the classroom.  
I got it I look creepy! Couldn't people just drop the argument already, besides nobody really cared about Shinji Matou or me so they were just rumoring for the sake of rumoring.

"I REALLY hope Lunch pause arrives already"  
I muttered leaning on my desk trying to ignore all the whispers around me.

But of course my ultra trained senses played against me!

"Better not get to close to those two"  
Girl whispered

"Yeah, besides have you seen his eyes"  
A random dude responded muttering, striking my weak point

Why it was always my eyes? com'on at least they could have tried something new like: " have you seen his socks they are so black and uncool" or " his hair are too long"... really anything was better than another comment about my eyes.

"I heard he hides a third eye, deader than the other two"  
and that was it! The straw that breaks the camel's back.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE I IGNORE YOU WHY DON'T YOU DO THE SAME !"  
I screamed...or at least was what I wanted to scream really, really badly.

But since it would have been unsightly, I just bit my tongue and endured another minute of whispers.

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun episode 15**

 **"** stop to bite that point goddamn, you will never taste something salty for the rest of yours life if you don't stop now"

( _whisper from a far)  
_ "Have you seen those eyes"

"NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

* * *

 _*DRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNN  
_ resounded the celestial music of the school bell

"Fucking finally"  
I said standing up from my seat.

"Now I haven't got to listen anymore"  
I muttered taking my bento out from the school bag.

Finally I could get some peace until the voice of the devil called me

"Hikigaya"  
Rin Tohsaka spoke my name

"What"  
I responded drily, avoiding to make eye contact

"Did you really beat up Matou?"  
She asked me inquisitive

"Nope Jerk-kun handled the matter himself"  
I responded tring to move away from the black haired bishoujo  
a.k.a. Rin Tohsaka  
a.k.a. The most dangerous Magus I met since arriving in Fuyuki

Really I believed she and Matou (the cute one) were tied in spot of most dangerous human being in Fuyuki.

* * *

Now For those who are confused right let me explain  
I divided people I met in four separate and clean boxes:  
Those who I care about : **The Friends/Aquitances**  
Those who I don't care about : **The Others**  
Those who are dangerous and can stab you: **The Psychos** (Sakura Matou)  
Those who are dangerous and can summon demons to stab you: **The Magical Psychos**

And ladies and gentleman Rin Tohaska was a prime example of Magical Psycho. why?  
because when I had the masochistic Idea of conversing with Luviangelina Edelfelt, the only thing she could talk about the "pranks" her so called rival Rin Tohsaka pulled off on her, and believe me if half of what I heard it's true...she should have been thrown in prison a long time ago

* * *

" wait Emiya-kun beated up Matou?"  
Tohaska gasped and widened her blue eyes

"What! NO! Jerk-kun is Matou, Matou beaten up himself...but I bet Emiya would have enjoyed punching him one or two times "  
I said doing the nth mistake of the day

Making eye contact with Tohasaka because I remained charmed by those beautiful pools of blue that were her eyes...Just kidding  
No, ahahaha she did have pretty eyes indeed but, the reason why I tried not to stare at her was because as much as I could detect someone's pain through eye contact a Magus could detect another in the same way.

Sure it wasn't like you just stared in the eyes of someone and "look at there a Magus!", no you needed to focus, you needed talent (more than anyone in Chiba had) and hope the other Magus didn't try to conceal his power

"which makes me think why am I not doing it already!"  
I thought trying to keep even a drop of my mana flow in my body

* * *

 **HIGH COUNCIL OF THE 7 RINS, SESSION 1**

"There he is, he is cracking now we'll find out if he is Master who's harvesting mana from the school"

"Hold your horses _ProudRin_ , we can't give for assured he is involved in the war"

"Oh right _InnocentRin_ ! A strange creepy boy arrives in Fuyuki out of nowhere just before the beginning of the Holy Grail War... it must be a coincidence! "

"You and the your sarcasm, now I know why I'm the one we show to other people"

"Girls girls why are you so concerned with this stupid war? Why don't we focus on more important things like Archer's biceps"

" WHO LET _HormonalRin_ OUT!"

* * *

"Then why don't you tell your version of the story"  
said Tohsaka cheerfully while gripping my wrist in order to avoid I broke free from our battle of stares  
Truly her face and her actions were like the night and the day, still...What a grip next time I couldn't open a jar I'd be sure to ask her help

"Too much pain for no results Tohsaka"  
I responded unable to escape from those sapphire eyes that treated to pierce my soul

"Really?"  
questioned me the black haired bishoujo, still feinting innocence and intensifying her stare.

With the result of making me shiver in fear.

"Seriously what's wrong with these girls, at first they look just like two cute teenagers but Geez...they all have a prized collection of creepy smiles, stares and giggles"  
I thought while Tohsaka-san's face gave me goosebumps.

"I mean really! Each time I distract Emiya from Matou or ignore one of Tohsaka's passive aggressive questions, I feet chills run through all my spine..is it sure Matou and Tohsaka aren't related? Because I swear they have the same " **I'm going to kill you in your sleep** " stare."  
I told myself focusing more on suppressing my mana

"yup What's the point in correcting people that have not even the desire to confirm whenever the rumor they are spreading it's true or not.  
Probably it will be over in a few days, just the time they found something more interesting to rumor about"  
I finally retorted freeing me with a rough movement and heading out from the classroom

With a few fast steps I fully immersed myself in the undetectable HIKKI STEALTH, slipping through waves of hungry students, finally taking distance from my classroom, rude insults about my eyes and Rin Tohsaka.

"somehow I managed to fool her"

* * *

"Rin I didn't perceive any mana from him, he is just a regular human"

"So he managed to fool you Archer"

"What? Are you doubting my ability of reading mana"

"Just how you many much energy did you feel swelling in Hikigaya's eyes"

"Zero...oh"

"exactly OH, all human beings have at least a spark of energy in their eyes, Hikigaya did not"

"He suppressed his mana"

"Precisely too much I would add, by trying to hide his power he confirmed its existence to me"

"but most important he knows you're a Magus"

* * *

"Okay at last some peace and quiet"

I said as arrived on a small cement stair right after the service port of the school

"weather, check  
none around, check  
handmade bento, check  
depression because the handmade bento was done by a boy and not my little sister...check"  
I listed falling on my butt as I could enjoy my free meal in my...LUNCH SPOT FUYUKI VERSION!

"ittadakimasu"  
I muttered starting to quietly eat.

To me lunch was sacred part of the day in which I could forget about all my worries and just focus on my next bit. Really what could be more poetic than eating a good lunch in a nice spot sipping canned tea...oh I know EATING A GOOD LUNCH IN A NICE SPOT SIPPING MAX COFFEE!

"Wow I really hope this exchange project ends fast, so I can start drinking my coffee again"  
I said staring at my half finished lunch

"and... "  
I looked around

"get away from two psycho"  
I exaled while the empty smiles of Tohsaka and Sakura ran through my mind.

"I wonder if I should draw up the list of most dangerous teenagers in Fuyuki. I did make a sketch but, it was just to kill some time while Vita-chan was charging."  
I then said resuming to eat my bento.

"Thinking about it, the list I made a few days ago was really a mess born from my soggetive thoughts; I didn't do any research or put any real effort... To begin with I put Matou Sakura on the first place just because she is unstable and I spend a lot of time in her proximity, but to be honest I highly doubt she has got any kind of offensive power."  
I thought scratching my chin

" But if not her, who can aim to the spot of more feared teen in Fuyuki, Emiya? Matou senior"  
I whispered barely holding back my laughs

Really I could beat the living shit out of them with one hand behind my back, one eye closed while singing the opening of Dragon ball Z.

" well the roof woman I saw this morning was indeed strong but I highly doubt she is under 19...And there is Rin Tohsaka who's for sure a powerful magus."  
I put my thoughts in order

 _"Shit_...Not to be monotonous, but just how messed up is Fuyuki? a Yandere, Magi popping around like mushrooms and an ominous mysterious lady... is some kind of event going on?"  
I groaned

"Damn I can totally see it"  
I realized while an announcer voice started to ring in my mind

 **hey you, yes you!  
are you some kind of ****unappreciated** **potential murderer?  
THEN FUYUKI IS THE CITY RIGHT FOR YOU!  
apply now for the event  
A BUNCH OF DANGEROUS PEOPLE!**

 **Edited by Soichiro Kuzuki**

"Just why did I accepted to come here"

* * *

After the lunch pause ended I listlessly returned to my classroom, comforted by knowing that the last hours of the school day would have been Kuzuki-sensei's lessons.  
Not because I was particularly fond of his subject (F*** Math), but because none dared to even whisper in his presence, after all he was damn scary in his own right. Has anyone seen those lifeless eyes of his, heard the rough timbre in his voice or...

"am I similar to Kuzuki-sensei?"  
I asked myself taking seat ready to fake attention for the lesson about to start.

"what do you think brain?"

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun episode 16**

 **"** yes... yes you are, just slap a pair of classes on your face, get an hair cut and look in a mirror to see your ugly face"

* * *

"and so the value of x is"

"Fuck you brain!"  
I unconsciously said directing all the attention of the classroom on me.

For a long moment nobody said a single word, the whole class seemed frozen in time.

"did you say something Hikigaya?"  
asked me Kuzuki-sensei with a tone so neutral that managed to scare me...ME THE GUY WHO FACE KILLERS ON REGULAR BASIS

"Nothing sir"  
I responded entangling myself in a battle of stares with Kuzuki-sensei while my heart refused to beat

"I see but please, avoid to interrupt my lesson again"  
he then said with that terrifying voice of his turning towards the blackboard.

"yes"  
I muttered while the classroom came out from its stasis

Apparently for the second time that day I had managed to drag an insane amount of unwanted attention on me. And of course Rin Tohasaka who took quite the liking in pushing me to the break point threw salt on my wounds whispering

" _psss Hikigaya do you remember that "something more interesting to rumor about" you mentioned during lunch pause?_ "

"..."

" _I guess they found it_ "  
she continued with that scary face of hers aiming her index towards the rest of the classroom

...forty four eyes were stuck on me

"... why can't I just disappear in a corner already and why Tohsaka is so bitchy today? Until today we barely interacted with each other, what did I do wrong to get this treatment?...I have to be sure she never meet Yukinoshita"  
I internally groaned crashing on my desk for the rest of the school day.

* * *

"Master"

"yes?"

"the **Blood Fort Of Andromeda** Just need other two seals to be completed but..."

"But What Rider!?"

"I don't have any mana left"

"And where is the problem? we will just have you eat the soul of someone"

"As you desire, I will take action during the return to your residence"

"perfect...or not...I have a better idea"

"Master?"

"Today I will give you a special target...do you see that disgusting guy crossing the entrance gate"

"yes"

"make him your next meal"

"Master...he is one of the acquaintances of your sister"

"are you daring to object my orders"

"...no"

"Then go and do not fail me"

* * *

 **Must**  
 **get**  
 **away**  
 **from**  
 **this**  
 **school**

six words that together formed a sentence

 **Must get away from this school**

a sentence that endlessly repeated turned in my mindset after the school's bell rang to announce the end of the lessons.

put in a more narrative way

"Must get away from this school,Must get away from this school"  
I muttered after my llllllooooooooooonnnnnnnnngggg school had finally decided to end

Foused only on returning to Emiya's household and relax with my Vita-chan, I let my feet activate the autopilot and began to jog across Fuyuki's streets leaving with each step a piece of my stress behind.  
I noticed when I was seven: jogging calmed me and to a ridiculous level I would add. It was like that monotonous aerobic exercise had magic proprierties...probably I had ran a few hundreds kilometres in the past year just to calm me down before Oroboro's operations.

"Okay I'm calm, I'm calm, totally calm"  
I said concluding my cardio.

"...Now where am I?"  
remembered my feet's autopilot was precise as Apple Maps

"So If the Takoyaki stand is here... and the bank is there, I'm half the way"  
I positively concluded after looking around me...before

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun episode 14**

"mana signature detected...the roof woman is following us"

* * *

my brain made me notice that each time I dared to calm down the universe acted to re-equilibrate my stress level.

"This day is never going to end isn't it"  
I groaned starting to search an isolated alley to deal with my "problem"

"Thank God Emiya remained at school to clean the archery dojo...things would get even more a pain if he was here.  
I hope I can talk my way out...is it too much to ask she just need an indication for the closest convenience store?"  
I muttered turning on a desert side-street definitely sealing my **FATE.**

"Oh I'm sure I'm going to regret this".  
was my last thought before starting to walk in complete silence.

It took me five minutes to reach a suitable spot far enough from innocent bystanders and stop.  
the air around me seemed filled with electricity, my palms were sweaty and to be honest I didn't know what to do.

I mean shouldn't the intimidating woman get an hint and come out already... I moved on my own in a dark-illfamed alley, did she want a glowing sign that said EASY TARGET or what?

"So shall we start or you will just keep playing the ominous and shit woman on that roof "  
I muttered waiting for something to happen.

Dammit this lady had been stalking me for the whole morning and really! I had already had an annoying day. Taking part to this mouse hunt was truly the last thing I wanted Goddammit!

Eventually growing tired of waiting I tossed away my school bag and stripped of my winter coat, remaining with just with Sobu school uniform.  
Then I slowly turned my head and fixed both my dead eyes on the top of the building to my left.

"OI LONG HAIRED WOMAN WITH A SLEEPMASK! I HAVE SEEN! CAN YOU STOP FOLLOWING ME IT'S CREEPY"  
I shouted with all the air I had in my lungs.

Mostly because I wanted to deal with this problem and go home as fast as I could...also to quickly clear two important points:

I knew I had been followed  
and I was pissed off

I let you decide what was more troublesome for her.

"Ara ara ara ara aren't you an interesting prey"  
said the woman I was waiting for coming out from a shadow.

It was the first time I managed to clearly see her...and she was gorgeous (a 9, 8.5 at worst): tall, long purple hair, a...revealing outfit, leather booths, chains and blindfold on her eyes...

"Wait a minute, am I being stalked by an employee of a kinky shop?"  
I narrowed my eyes

"eh may I ask your name?"  
I asked politely trying to achieve three things.

1 understand why she was wearing that outfit in winter  
2 figure out how much of a threat she was  
3 and buy a bit time that always useful in these kind of stand-offs

exactly in that order

"You may not, but"  
she responded jumping down from the ten metres high building and landing gracefully...on heels!

"you can refer to me as Rider servant"

"AH! so you were the slave of some pervert!"  
I outbursted while al the piece of a dirty puzzle came together in my mind

"Wha-WHAT NO!, I mean yes, but NO!...just what do you mean?"

"Don't play dumb with me, chains, Sleep mask, sluttish outfit"  
I said indicating pointing at that kind of micro-onepiece dress this Rider-girl was wearing.

"the option are two"  
I announced while the woman blushed and tried to use her hands to cover herself?...I guess...

(she wasn't exactly doing a good job, with so much skin exposed I doubt even eight pair of hands would have sufficed.)

"or you are a cosplayer or you have just finished some kind of sadomasochistic play...God now I can imagine why you called yourself Rider EHW SICK!"  
I continued trying to buy as much time as possible.

Listening to my ridicolous words the purple-haired beauty was caught off guard and started to mutter incompres

incomprehensible things like "S-s-lutthish" or "is he drooling?"  
however I didn't pay attention to her words, after all I spent my time in more useful ways such as studying her.

Judging from her stance and built she was the quick type fighter: fast and precise, but frail to direct hits and lacking in raw power

"probably her chains are more a tool to move around than fight, but that lives the doubt on how does she use those spikes? as a hooking, weapon, both...definitely both"  
I thought as I rose three fingers and unleashed my last taunt

"and just to be sure do you see under that thing? Rider-san how many fingers?"

" JUST STOOP!"  
Rider screamed launching one of her spikes at me

the throw by itself was just clumsy, cut the power behind it was frightening.  
I managed to dodge it and keeping a passable imitation of calm...but that speed that strength, just what the heck was she?  
I didn't sense any kind of magecrafth activating nor she used a particular technique; that was pure raw power.

"ehehehe"  
Shocked in my very core I erupted in a nervous laugh.

"Okay my bad I let my imagination run wild, I apologize, Still would you please give me more information about yourself...otherwise I might misunderstand something else"  
I said trying to calm down the very-much-insanely-dangerous Rider-san

"NO! ...ugh Why my backup-Master gave me such a troublesome target!?"

"MASTER!?"

"Do...not...dare to say another word"

"Yes ma'm...still Master and target sound a bit off to me, might you...I dunno give me a hint, just to understand in which mess I got involved into"  
I asked mustering all my diplomatic skills...usually they sounded more effective when I had a bunch of scary agents behind my back

"I'm not allowed to respond to any of your questions, still I will tell you this: it's nothing personal, I just received the order to dispose you from my Master, but rejoice you are not the first nor will be the last victim of this Holy Grail War"

 _"SO THERE IS AN EVENT! WHY DOES IT SOUND FAMILIAR?"  
_ I screamed in my head, while quietly saying  
"And I guess I can't talk my way out, right?"  
and drawing my gun.

"No you can't "  
Rider responded dashing towards me with one of her spikes aimed at my chest

"too bad"  
I groaned watching Bondage-san coming

"I hate fighting right after school"  
I whispered in monotone I dodging her spike at blank-point range and emptying my gun on her

* _ba, bam bam bam bam bam bam_

 _"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
_ she screamed backing off after receiving an entire magazine in her guts.

Normally that move would have been the end on the fight. **GG Rider-san**.

Yet with my fear and wonder Rider was still able to stand, she was bleeding of course but, not as much as I expected or wanted.  
It took me a second to realize that all the injuries I left on her were much more superficial than they should.

*tin tin tin  
all the bullets I shot tingled on the ground slowly coming out from Rider's body

"That's unexpected"  
I commented feinting calm while in my head...

 **I was** **considering** **all the options**

"my normal bullets pierced at maximum two centimetres, when they should have trespassed her or stuck into a bone...What did she do? What's up her sleeve?  
Pre-casted magical defences...no  
Extra strong muscles...yes bu they are not enough alone  
Blood manipulation?...yes the blood on the bullets is already coagulated"

"YOU"  
Said the woman touching her wounds and tinting her hand of crimson blood

"What? Why are you acting so surprised , isn't this legitimate defence, from law's the point of view I'm the victim here"  
I retorted switching my guns magazine and assuming my fighting stance

"Now go away or stop Whining"  
I continued as my eyes grew colder and sharper

"I have lost already too much time Rider".

 **Thus the battle began**

 _Bam*bam Bam  
_ Shooting three alchemic bullets I opened the fight respectively aiming at Rider's shoulder, knee and waist.

I knew that she would have been able to avoid one or two of them, but I was sure at least one would injure her.  
Yet the blindfolded Woman exceeded my expectations and dodged all my projectiles with ease, She was more agile than I thought; her movements were so wide and flexible that for a moment I believed I was currently facing a humanoid snake.

"I just caught her off guard before uh?"  
I realized drawing my dagger to parry an incoming strike

* _Clank  
_ my blade and Rider's spike clashed in a shower of sparks. My knees bent and my feet slided back as I was completely overwhelmed by the woman's strength.  
Fuck she was on the level of a Death Apostole.

"let me taste your fear boya"  
Said Rider trying to stab me with her other spike

Barely making in time I avoided Rider's attack jumping back, still paying the price of having my school uniform tored

"strength 7, agility 8"  
I roughly estimated after that first exchange of blows.  
It was a good match up for me since my fight style was based on disabling and redirecting blows, I just had to get more acquitanced with her fight style and then I was confident the fight would have turned in my favor

 **-Scio ubi dolor-**

(I know where the pain is)

calling my magic at forth I discarded my gun and dashed towards Rider. As we began to dance between each other's slashes and stabs the alley was filled by silver arcs, It was a fight of pure agility, we didn't bother to make our weapon clash, Rider and I just continued to attack letting our reflexes handle all dodges...probably we looked like two snakes twisting against each other.  
Thanks to my premonition spell I had been able to stick Rider in this dog-fight. At first I had hard time to slip through the woman's attack and consequently received countless small cuts on all my body. Seeing me all bleeding and sweaty the tall woman had smiled thinking that discarding my gun and choosing a close-fight I had either decided to try the suicidal approach or just weren't thinking.  
Unfortunately for her nothing was more far from the truth. Speed, power, tecnique, time reaction; I learned everything I could with each blow me and Rider exchanged and in less than a minute I started to adapt to her fighting style.  
Every slash, every stab I could see them coming from miles away.  
Moving the bare minimum I avoided all Rider's blows progressively becoming more and more aggresive with my stabs.

"ARGh"  
Rider groaned as I finally managed to injure her on the left hip

"Oh Jesus Christ took an eternity "  
I thought once I at last started to Get Good and backed off from Rider

"this is your last chance GET AWAY"  
I told her calling a short pause from our fight

"ahah is this supposed to be a threat boya, I hope you didn't get so cocky just because you scratched me in this little game"  
Laughed at me Rider intending she had held back until now

"I warned you"  
I simply responded making my mana flow through all my body

 **-Memento dolor-  
** **-Dolorem accipit potestatem-**

I whispered as the uproar of past fights and battles from all the history resounded in my brain. From the depths of my soul I summoned countless injuries that materialized on my body for a second before turning into black smoke.

Now to be honest I hoped that making appear a cloud of negativity and pain would have.. I dunno scared Rider, left her confused or any other kind of reaction, yet she remained completely unfazed.

"ready to resume ?"  
I asked Rider surrounded by a nightmarish aura while the smell of my own blood filled my nose

"Ah ah ah you never chase to amaze me my prey, may I ask your name?"  
responded amused Rider starting to spin her chains

" **you may not** "

I said as I sent seven tentacles of darkness towards Rider

" **But** "

she blocked them with her chains

" **You can refer to me** "

I dashed towards the woman condensing the black mist around me in my fist

" **as Angra Mainyu** "

I concluded slipping through her defence and connecting my dark fist with her face

- **MEMENTO MORI!-  
** (remeber you have to die)

I roared letting all my pain magic burst in Rider's body.

"AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSS"  
The woman screamed as all my black smoke converted into countless injuries with an obscure flash.

Suddently afflicted by my signature spell Rider collapsed on the ground copiously bleeding while the ground beneath her was covered by a crimson pool.  
Watching at my opponent twist on the ground painfully, I let a small grin rose to my lips.  
It had been a while since I used my sure "kill" technique or fought an opponent strong as Rider, so seeing I was still deathly pleased me.  
Sure to reduce her in that state I had to give up the 70% of all the mana I had left and gather the pain of two hundred people...around four times the usual amount, but the result spoke for themselves.

"tendons tored, internal and external hemorrhages and fingers broken"  
I listed stepping on Rider's hands, surrounded by a thin veil of smoke as my injuries healed

"Ugh"  
she grunted

"you will probably die in three minutes"  
I continued fetching all the stuff I tossed around

" _Bastard_..."  
the woman spit poisonous crawling towards me

"yeah I get that a lot, but if you want to survive you'd better stop throwing useless insults and contact that master of yours"  
I told her trying to hide the strain in my voice

"I have to get out of there before any kind of reinforces arrive"  
I thought while I started to feel the effects of using so much pain magic all together.

My magic circuits were on fire and I could only feel the taste of blood in my mouth, standing to my calculation I had around five minutes before the drawbacks of my magic started to appear making me unable to fight properly for at minimum three hours.

"Don't think you have defeated me"  
grunted Rider unsuccessfully trying to stand up

"mmmmmmm no I think I have..."  
I retorted dispassionate walking away from the ally and... just to throw a bit of salt on Rider wounds I added

"Sure you didn't have the chance to make properly use of your agility in this thin ally and if you had managed to land a direct blow with all your power I would have surely died but, the strongest doesn't always win "

How much I regret to have done that..why?  
because once I ended my second-rate-kung fu master line

"Really"  
said Rider's exactly from behind my back before a monstrously powerful blow sent me flying.

* * *

THE GORGON

 **Fear**

fear was what I had never wanted to inspired in people, it was my only selfish desire.  
The only desire of me, Medusa the imperfect gorgon... the only one of the three sisters that would have grown older and eventually died.

I didn't think it was too much to ask, but the cruel destiny didn't have the same opinion.

I who was originally considered to be a princess loved by humans, were one day cursed, stripped of the "faith from each and every person" and exiled to the Shapeless Isle a crude island where only weeds and bitter roots grew.

Banished by those who had adored me  
after all their love had turned into hatred

I still remember the countless night I spent weeping in solitude, praying that none of the humans that now frightened me with their unwarranted resentment would tread on the island.

Yet the destiny made fun of me and let blood thirsty men set foot on my land...They called **me** monster and attacked **me** because they were scared of **me.  
** Actually when they arrived a part of me felt relieved; finally my life would have been put to an end and I'd never had to spend another night shivering in fear.

ready to reach to end everything  
I let those men hit me  
I let those men stab me  
I let those man spit on me while I was crawling on the ground

However when they tried to hurt my sisters, the only ones who had always been at my side, the ones that left aside a life of luxury to join me in my exile, they that were able to cheer me up in my darkest moments.

I snapped  
 **"if they came to hunt a monster then a monster they will get"**

I thought at that time standing from a puddle of my own blood and killing all those men with a power I never knew I had in my eyes.  
I still remember with delight the scared face of the other men when the first one turned into stone.

Eventually other men landed on my island calling **me** monster and attacking **me** because they were scared of **me.**

 **I kill them all  
** **one after another  
until I turned in what they accused me to be  
until the fear I inspired in their hearts I once hated  
turned in my one and only joy.**

until I died there was no man who could face **me** without fearing **me,** even after I was reincarnated as a servant or...at least it was what I thought until I met him

 **my prey**

* * *

" the strongest one doesn't always win"  
I said delighted stomping with my booth on a dark haired teenager

"well I guess this is not the case"  
I added moving my weight on my booth

"ugh what a shitty day"  
groaned the boy twitching under my booth's heel and coughing a bit of blood...dirtying my shoes Of course!

"Geez why I can't never avoid to dirt my stuff with blood"  
I thought observing this Angra Mainyu boy trying to reach his metal spitting weapon.

"internal bleeding, cracked ribs and broken fingers"  
I listed crushing his his hand under my foot

"Oh really! using my words now, can't you do something more original"  
spit the boy like the broken fingers of his right hand meant nothing

"aren't you a little too lively for someone who's going to die?"  
I asked puzzled by this bizarre human as I returned to stomp on him

first he noticed I was tailing him, second he provoked me and my clothing...really was I exposing too much skin? And third managed to injure me to an incredible level

"Couldn't I ask you the same question? Two seconds ago you couldn't even stand up and it wasn't a play"  
he retorted with a casually confused voice

"I'm the one making questions here"  
I outbursted exasperated by this human, who kept ignoring my power and rudely retorted to everything I said

"Oh I get it you stitched yourself with blood manipulation...that explain why the blood puddle disappeared...it must took a lot of energ-ugh"  
he said more to himself than to me before I stomped on him again

"That's not what I want to ear"  
I exhaled staring at the magus

Seriously I was literally crushing him under my booth, couldn't he be more scared or just read the mood a little?

"what do you want me to say? I'm lively because I'm about to die of course...not because I have been peaking to your violet panty for the past minute"

"you what!"

"pushing too hard pushing too hard I'm sowwy I'm sowwy"  
he choked knocking with his good hand my booth.

"Just what is wrong with you! Humans always start to cry or worse in this situations why do you act in this way?"  
I asked in a weird, mix of amusement and desolation...this boy was really just too peculiar

"Because I believe panic is never the answer...jesus add perforated lung to the list of injures, what are those booth made of ?"  
he responded again with calm voice shaking his head

"well it's the end for you young magus"  
I said softly smiling and summoning my divine reins

"any last words?"  
I asked as a sign of respect for a worthy opponent

"Can I see your eyes?"  
he responded randomly

"I said last words not last request"  
I pointed out

"uuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggg and not the name and not the explanations and now not even this! Rider you are pain. You know that! Just throw me a bone already"

"Why would you want to see my eyes?"

"because I'm about to die and the last thing I want to see is the face of a beautiful woman"

"Am I beautiful?"

"are you fucking kidding me right ?"

"..."

"sorry but if you had to give yourself a mark from 0 to 10 what would it be?"

"eh 7?"

"...What the hell are your comparison terms"

"my sisters...they were both a 10"

"ohh... have you perhaps any photos ?"

"what's a photo?"

" Forget it just take off this sleep-mask already!"

"Fine! But you won't like what you see"  
I finally give in to the request of this unreasonable boy...after all he was going to die soon, it didn't matter whenever he saw my mystic eyes and beside his heart would replenish all the mana I wasted.

Looking from above my next meal I removed my blindfold with a swift movement, letting my purple eyes free to enjoy the light of the day.  
Accordingly to his request I fixed my stare in the dead eyes of the teenager and without having to wait that a second the body of the boy began to stiff.

With a bit of disappontment I realized my prized mystic eyes power had really went down drastically since Matou Shinji had assumed the position of my Master...in my peak form I could turn humans into stone in a second, now I only managed to paralyse them...so humiliating

"ahahah"  
the magus laughed for some reason

"what's so funny?"  
I asked watching him force his lips to move and say

"I don't u-understand w-why you said I... w-w-wouldn't like what I saw,  
I li-k-ke your eyes and y...uo know  
 **the eyes are the mirrors of the soul**

 **-Tamashī no kagami-**

(mirror of souls)

and then the world around me disappeared

* * *

Light, darkness, hot, cold, happiness, sadness.

a chaotic storm of contradictions and opposites: that was the only thing that greeted me before I found myself lying on a boundless meadow I had never seen before.  
I didn't know where I was or how did I get there but, I liked the feeling this place gave me.

 **it felt oddly familiar...**

"where am I?"  
I thought standing up on a carpet of soft grass.

exploring with my eyes the surrounding area I tried to answer my own question, yet all my thoughts died when my stare lay on my bare feet; they were so tiny

"uh?"  
I muttered finding myself surprised by how childish it sounded

"UHHHHH"  
I echoed staring at a pair of small hands that couldn't belong that to a six years old girl...oh wait a second they were mine!

"What is going on?"  
I studied the rest of my body  
It appeared my body had somehow returned to the age of six and all my battle gears had been replaced by a white tunic I wore as a child.  
Then before I could question my situation any further a stream of memories ran through my brain and everything became clear: it was that boy's fault.  
He lured me into removing my blind-fold and then used some kind of magic to transport me in this place.

"seriously is this an illusion?"  
I said finally focusing on the environment around me.

It was like someone had taken all the places I loved and squashed them together; a sea of grass that stretched to the horizon, studded with pink and white flowers, where sporadic olive trees stood here and there, and the ancient Greek temples, the playgrounds of my childhood, were at no more than 100 metres from me.

"It's so beautiful"  
I muttered as the sweet memories of my childhood turned into tears in my eyes.

Carefree days, runs through the fields and smiles from those who worshipped me...

"...flashes of what my life had been, what does my prey hope to achieve"  
I thought trying not to sank in a spiral of nostalgia

"better move around and search for a way out"  
I said making my first step since I arrived in that strange place.

I didn't even get the time to prepare myself for what happened next:  
one moment I was rising my left foot and the moment later

 **I was feeling the time itself flow inside me.**

with a quick sequence of painful shocks my legs, hairs, body and arms grew longer, my clothes changed from that plain white tunic to a more elaborate one blue with purple embroidery.

"Ugh"  
I grunted as my body left behind its childish appearance and welcomed an adolescent one

suddenly my head was like slip in two from the pain. If before I had remembered my quiet and peaceful memories of my childhood, now I was reliving all the experiences I faced in my girlhood: The curse from the goddess Athena, my exile, the love of my worshippers turning into hate, and the fear that started to lodge in my heart.  
my legs immediately started to shake as those memories I buried ages ago, now transfixed my mind

"why are you showing me this?"  
I asked to none in particular while the environment around me, as if reacting to my feelings started to darken

the once gorgeous and green grass rapidly turned yellow, all the pretty, fragrant flowers rotted and countless cracks appeared on the various temples.  
It was like the time I got exiled...everything I loved crumbled around me and I couldn't do anything except stare impotent.

Trying to escape from that view I once again stepped forward. My body painfully aged even this time, my clothes changed again turning into dress of rags.  
I didn't even get to properly finish my step that an incredibly heavy obsidian chain came out from my back.

"ahhhh"  
I screamed falling on my knees

"What's happening? "  
I clenched my teeth trying to stand up enduring at my best another storm of horrible memories

*CRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH  
roared one of the temples crumbling on itself.

"DAMMIT"  
I cursed as I managed to move one of my feet forward.

It was a torture: each time I took a step I was forced to revive a part of my life.  
I saw the world around me twist and take darker connotations: what once was a beautiful lawn now had turned in a disgusting swamp invaded by deformed plants and broken statues.

"Just make this hell stop"  
I muttered taking another painful step and feeling a new chain burden my back.

I fell again on my knees unable to endure the weight of the various chains on my back any further

"I'm sorry but this hell cannot be stopped..."  
said a voice in front of me.

 **"after all it is your mind Medusa"**

"WHERE ARE YOU!"  
I roared turning towards the voice

"I'm a few years behind you, just give me a moment"  
The voice...no my prey responded.

his voice sounded tired, very tired and even though I couldn't see him, I felt his presence at no more than two steps from me.  
For one endless minute I waited for him to arrive, I wasn't sure about what to do once I saw him:  
choke him?  
breaking his legs?  
his arms?  
his arms and legs then enjoy the sight of him trying to creep away?

Or question him about WHAT THE HELL THIS NIGHTMARE WAS!

probably the latter, then the fourth and the first.

"sorry for the waiting, your mind is pretty though to break into, you know?"  
said my prey while the word in front of me was filled with cracks.

I couldn't believe my eyes it was like the swamp I was staring at had turned into a mirror about to break.  
then before I could say anything, the cracked reality I was watching fell in thousands of pieces, letting my eyes escape from that swamp.

All my field of view was filled by giant flat mirror of dark water, surmounted by a starry sky.

"Yo"  
Greeted me a bleeding teenager standing between the edges of two words.

he was wearing some kind of half-destroyed battle outfit and judging from his wounds he was having hard time to remain on his feet.

"Apparently this strange spell it is double-edged weapon"  
I thought noticing my prey had attached to his back countless obsidian chains

"took you long enough"  
I said neutral forcing myself to stand up.

"I'm sorry it's always difficult to handle this thing when I'm low on mana, I wonder for whose fault"  
He responded sketching a sneer

"cut this madness, where are we?"  
I asked pondering the distance between me and my prey

he was at no more than three step from me, if I was fast enough I could manage to catch him and put an end to his life, probably making this illusion cease to exist as well in the process.

" Didn't I tell you already that is your mind, and this is mine; with each step you take you can see how it changed as you grew up"  
he responded pointing at the swamp behind me and at the water behind his back

"and these chains"  
he continued tapping on his back

"are just the pain we carry with us, Medusa"  
he finished pointing at mine

acting out of instinct I touched the chains that burdened my shoulders.

"Stheno, Euriale help"  
suddenly a painful memory was recalled in my mind

"aaarh"  
I exhaled on the verge of a panic attack

"tsk I wouldn't do that since you aren't exactly comfortable with your past... after all who would..."  
my prey retorted emotionless

"How can you know that! How you know my true name!?  
I retorted taking a painful step towards that damned boy.

"The basic principle of my spell, connecting two minds"  
he said neutral watching me fall on the ground as I succumbed under the weight of a new chain.

"In this precise moment our inner words are colliding with each other, leaving countless information free to flow from me to you and from you to me.  
and that's why I know your identity: the third Gorgon Medusa"

"ara ara ara and why I don't get any information my prey, I don't even know your name Angra Mainyu "  
I asked feinting calm and struggling to stand up from the ground

"simple, because you can't accept someone else if you can't accept yourself first"  
he responded stepping out from his world and entering in mine

"you have lived your life bounded by chains you didn't want or deserved and turned yourself in what you despised for protect your loved ones"  
he moved effortless even if with each step he made in my swamp new wounds appeared on his body.

"just who are you?"  
I whispered as I stared at that boy

 _I just couldn't understand he was walking towards me maintaining a totally calm expression, still his body was wounded beyond human comprehension, his legs were shaking and the countless chains on his back should have been so heavy to tore him apart.  
_ **Yet nothing, his expression betrayed nothing, he was continuing to go on like nothing was wrong, while the world at his back refused to change and new wounds wanted to crack him**

"Who am I?"  
he said staring in my eyes like no one was ever able to do

for the first time, in centuries I was having a face to face with a person and I realized I didn't know how to react. His death eyes were fixed in mine, I wanted to escape from them, but I couldn't it was like they were piercing in me

"Let me show you"  
my prey extended his hand grabbing the chains on my back and starting to lift them

suddenly the burden I was carrying on my shoulders disappeared and the disgusting swamp I was surrounded by returned to be a meadow; not as shiny and pure like the first one but still beautiful

"if this is my mind when I'm not burdened by pain...I could get used to it"  
I thought looking around.

"follow me "  
the boy said moving towards his own world still holding my chains

Aware that disobeying him meant re-suffer that insane burden I gulped down my pride and reached his side, with my surprise now walking was thousands times easier than before. I still faced a turbulent stream of memories with each step, but it wasn't as fierce as before...was the dark haired boy doing?

"before you get strange ideas, let me tell you the six rules of this place"  
the boy said once I reached his side

"First we can't physically injure each other  
Second we remain stuck here until both of us have reach the borders of our words, then it's up to how much mana I used to cast the spell  
Third once we arrive at the border of your word we're given basic knowledge of the other: name and random bits of memories  
Fourth after we both reach the borders, I can see your mind as much as you can see in mine."

He took a pause as we were in front of the crack that divided our two words

"Fifth if we can completely understand and accept a part of the other's mind we can steal it, modify it, or seal it, for example this "  
he said raising one of my chains

"the fear that comes from being hunted, if I can understand it, if I can accept it...I can take it"  
He continued ripping off from my back that obsidian curse and adding it to his owns.

 **To me it was like breath of fresh air**

"sure, when if you focus enough you avoid I steal or do anything and of course you can try to take it back"  
The boy concluded letting go my chains and crossing the rift of our worlds giving me his back.

Founding myself at the edge of my world I felt an electric shock ran through my spine... then that famed basic knowledge about my prey arrived in my brain.

"Hachiman, Hikigaya Hachiman is his name"  
I thought before flashes of his past ran through my eyes

* * *

"Dad open please"  
 **a boy was beating his fist on a wooden panel until they were bleeding**

"it doesn't hurt it doesn't hurt at all"  
 **the same boy a bit older was limping in a building on fire holding his left arm**

"So what kind of person this Hachiman will be?"  
 **a girl asked to the boy on top of a building**

"we are the one that stand from the ashes of the past, we are the one that endure the night to seek the light of the dawn, we are Oroboro"  
 **the same boy, Hachiman, this time around fifteen and covered in strange tattoos was giving a speech to a crowd composed of young men and women...no they were all to young...they were children**

* * *

"Just who the hell are you?"  
I whispered fixing my eyes on him

"and at last the Sixth rule"  
Hachiman turned towards me

"Until you don't know the six rules we can't start"

* * *

( _One hour later)_

 _"so did you carry out my order Rider"_

 _"yes master I did as you ordered, sneaked upon the boy and beaten him until he wasn't able to stand anymore, then stole the magic jewel he had on himself and used it to replenish my mana"_

 _"You didn't kill him !?"_

 _"Should I had?"_

* * *

 _(59 minutes before)_

 _"Damn that was close! Thank God the **mirror** **of** **souls** worked_

* * *

 ** _AND THAT's HOW 8MAN SURVIVED HIS FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH A SERVANT..._**

 ** _NEXT TIME HACHIMAN VS CU CHULLAIN BECAUSE IF OUR FAVORITE LONER'S LIFE WAS QUIET THIS WOULD'T BE MY FF_**


	4. The Loner II

**Actually Hikigaya Hachiman is having hard time**

* * *

BUT FIRST A LITTLE COMMERCIAL

* * *

"did you ever find youself in this bizzare situation?"

"Oh No! I'm trying to pierce through a teenager with my spear, but there is too much flesh and blood"

"yes? Well now I have the solution to your problem! I'm Cu' Chullain and I'm here to present **EINZEBERN'S WAX FOR SPEARS!  
** With just one application of **EINZEBERN'S WAX FOR SPEARS,** you can say goodbye to the teenagers that refuse to die after a good old thrust

 **AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH(DEATH SOUNDS)**

"thanks mister Chullain"

"Oh don't thank me serial killer dude, thank **EINZEBERN'S WAX FOR SPEARS** at only 9.99"

"9.99 of what?"

"Nothing important, there are 206 bones in the human body right?"

* * *

THE LONER II

*drin, drin*  
"moschi moschi"

"Finally Hikki! I tried to contact you for ever "

"Yo Yuigahama, and it's not ever... I'm barely away from a week"

"Mou! meanie! You didn't even opened my message! And why are you acting so cold now ? shouldn't you be happy to receive a call from your clumbmates"

"Yeah yeah I'm happy. It's just that I'm currently lying on the ground in a dirty alley, after deceiving a mythological monster, that could return to hunt me any time and my legs are refusing to move"

"WHAT!?"

"Just kidding. I was taking a nap and your call awoke me"

"you're not funny! "

"you sure? To me your surprised voiced sounded quite delightful... _wait a second you said clubmates is Yukinoshita there too_?"

"Ah! yes wait, I'm activating the speakerphone. Yukinon come closer...com'on don't move like an ant, come closer. Okay, now say hello"

"Good afternoon Hikigaya-kun"

"Yo, how's it going ?"

"regularly and you ?"

"mmmmm fine I guess"

"you guess Hikki?"

"Yeah I found myself with a bunch of free time I don't know how to use and I kinda started getting bored"

"Are you, Hikilazy-kun, complaining about having too much free time?"

"So he really said that! I thought I just heard wrong! Hikki that gets bored from doing nothing, UNEXPECTED!"

"OI who do you think I'm, of course I get bored when I'm doing nothing I-"

*BAMP BOOM _*sound of a smartphone exploding_

* * *

Have you ever found yourself bleeding on the ground, unable to move after facing a life threatening experience and dared to think: "this day can't have gone any worse"?  
Well I don't know how it ended up for you, but for me...it could...

MY FU**ING DAY MANAGED TO GET WORSER!

"No! nononononononononononono...this can't be happening"  
I grunted rolling on my side

"IPhone-KUN!"  
I screamed staring at my trusted friend

holding back my tears I began to study my fallen companion trying to understand what happened to him: the glass was fine when I took the phone from my pants pocket to respond Yuigahama's call, so were the side buttons

"that means..."  
I turned my smartphone to see its back

"GODDAMIT RIDER!"  
I roared observing the apple on my phone:

It had been scarred, tored apart by a short crack... yeah a short crack that had even managed to hit the battery.  
Geez, during the fight aginst Medusa I had completely forgotten about my phone and didn't even noticed when it got damaged...I was kinda trying to save my ass in that moment though... so I'm going to let this one slide.

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun**

"You know that now you have to get SAFELY at Emiya's house before sending a sos signal to our band of freaks"

* * *

"FUCK THIS CITY"  
I exclaimed rolling on my tummy and watching the battery of my phone sending a few random sparks.

"why did I meddle with Emiya and Matou's quarrel this morning"  
I complained as the events of a few minutes ago ran through my head

* * *

 _FLASHBACK_

"Until you don't know the six rules we can't start"  
I said standing on the almost bottomless waters of my mind

My eyes were fixed upon a woman...a beautiful woman born in an ancient past, that I would have never met if I didn't moved in Fuyuki for an exchange project...AGAIN WHY DID I ACCEPT!  
Ready to start a battle of minds I closed my eyes and extended one hand towards the woman; my gestures by themselves were useless, but damn if I didn't look badass as I let all the knowledge of Medusa's world flow in my head.

The first thing I saw was her most recent memories, scilicet the fight with me and...FUCK!  
In Medusa's head our battle was no more than a kid playing with an ant before smashing it...and to be clear I WAS THE ANT! I only managed to survive because I hit her with one of my best techniques while her mindset still was: "Is something stuck in my hair?"

"really who the hell did I piss off to have a mythological monster unleashed against me?"  
I thought recollecting all the powerful people that hated me

Needless to say there were too many. Still all of them only knew the number zero of Oroboro ANGRA MAINYU

"Just who is your master?"  
I focused forcing Rider's knowledge in my mind

It took me a few second but I manged to find the memory I was searching for.

* * *

"Master"

"yes?"

"the **Blood Fort Of Andromeda** Just need other two seals to be completed but..."

"But What Rider!?"

"I don't have any mana left"

"And where is the problem? we will just have you eat the soul of someone"

"As you desire, I will take action during the return to your residence"

"perfect...or not...I have a better idea"

"Master?"

"Today I will give you a special target...do you see that disgusting guy crossing the entrance gate"

"yes"

"make him your next meal"

"Master...he is one of the acquaintances of your sister"

"are you daring to object my orders"

"...no"

"Then go and do not fail me"

* * *

"Matou Shinji uh? Unexpected...he is a master in the holy grail war...wait a second THE HOLY GRAIL WAR!"  
I muttered as I finally remembered what that high sounding name meant.

Directly from the "Out of sight out of mind" list of Oroboro: the holy grail war a magical ritual that through the summoning of seven heros named servants activated a mystical artifact, the Holy Grail, capable of granting a wish.  
Dammit I had known of this artifact for years , Oroboro's council even thought about searching for it... but due the suspicious events that had characterized the previous Holy Grail War and the fact that apparently no one ever managed to fulfill his wish, I made sure the idea was dropped  
...that grail smelled of monkey pawn.  
Then to avoid any surprises, like some agent taking part in the war, all the info regarding the holy grail war had been sealed in Oroboro's archives. Right now the only way to accede those information is by using the enter password of three member of Oroboro's high council.

"Dammit that what's happen when I try to control dangerous information! I forgot about them and then boom I'm in the middle of it!  
...I really hope that sealing away the recipe for the zero calories mayonnaise will never come to bite me back"  
I thought as the all the actions Rider had done in Fuyuki flashed in my eyes:

Killing people to obtain the mana Shinji couldn't provide her, setting around the school twenty crimson seals to harvest mana from the student and...following Sakura Matou

"something is odd here"  
I whispered

since she arrived in Fuyuki, Rider had constantly watched lil Matou from afar...even this morning she wasn't following me... Medusa was following Sakura.

"just what's the relationship between those two "  
I thought as I realized all the memories regarding Sakura were protected by Rider's will power.

It was pretty common when using the mirror of souls to find memories better sheltered or censored by the mind; for example Rider, that was currently watching through my inner world, was surely having hard time to see the faces of all the people I treasured or to reach the memories of my darkest and brightest moments.

 **It was like an unconscious defense system to defend what you treasure the most  
to protect the people and the moments that made you**

 **you.**

Right now Medusa desperately trying to hide something...something about Sakura.  
Usually when I used this spell on rich people, terrorists, etc I tried to avoid prying too personal memories, but right here, right now **I didn't have the lux to show mercy** , so sharpening my mind like no human should be able to, I pierced through Rider's defences. Suddenly a winding spiral of imagines flashed in my brain, all the dialogues and all the interaction Medusa ever had with Sakura were now clear in my mind.

" It's not the brother the real Master"

I said as pieces of a this puzzle started to fit together

" **Rider said it herself, Why my backup-Master gave me such a troublesome target...**  
 **the real master, the one Medusa is bounded to was Sakura**  
 **from the beginning"**

I understood and I was sure that my heart would have skipped a beat if I wasn't just a projection of my conscience.

"forget about Tohsaka, the most dangerous teenagers in Fuyuki list has all its places occupied by Matou"  
I mentally screamed starting to imagine all the possible implications.

Namely: OH SHIT MATOU IS A YANDERE WITH MAGIC POWER, OH DOUBLE SHIT SHE IS ALSO YANDERE THAT CONTROLS A MYTHOLOGICAL BEING WITH SOME TASTELESS TATTOOS, OH TRIPLE SHIT THE SAME TATTOOS EMIYA HAS, OH QUADRUPLE SHIT I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF A FUCKING MAGICAL WAR...FUCK I DIDN'T RENEWED MY LIFE INSURANCE.

And of course there were many more, but a spiritual ring in my head warned me that the spell had reached half of its duration.

"You know what fuck implications let's start with surviving today"  
I roared squeezing my eyes harder than before and focusing to my uttermost limit.

Like an unstoppable river everything that Medusa was and had been flowed in me:

 **her whole life,**  
 **all her choices,**  
 **regrets,**  
 **desires**  
 **and each second of pain she went through,**  
 **now was in me**

I knew the beginning and the end, the alpha and the omega, all her strengths and all her weaknesses...  
in this precise moment I was both Hikigaya Hachiman and the Gorgon Medusa.

"so are you doing?"  
I said emotionless slowly opening my eyes for the first time in what seemed ages.

"mmmmm, you got quite deep in my mind eh? I'd say a quarter"  
I observed as Medusa stared at me scared

To be honest her state was much more collected than I was used to; Sure Rider's legs were shaking a little, her eyes were trembling and her mouth was unable to move, but still much better than the average.

"Just who...what are you?"  
she asked me finally founding the power to move those lips of hers

"you should have understand it by now, I'm Angra Mainyu also known as Hikigaya Hachiman and I'm a human"  
I responded pointing my index at myself

"a simple bag of flesh and bones, nothing in comparison to a former goddess such as you"  
I pinched my cheek

"I can't understand (accept) it...how can you a mere human go on with all this darkness inside...to not lose yourself? "  
Medusa whispered making rose from my mind's water countless faces in agony

"ahahahahah I just put a foot in front of the other and repeat, nothing more nothing less."  
I chuckled stepping on the rift that divided Medusa's world and mine

I knew that Rider's words weren't a question for me, but a question to herself...  
she couldn't or wouldn't understand why I, who had within my soul much more negativity and darkness than her, didn't turn into a monster like she did.  
Medusa probably had yet to see how many times I was about to cross that line.

"Still walking straight across problems is my way of dealing with the thing."  
I continued playing the equilibrist on the rift.

"it all starts from realizing you aren't the only one suffering"  
I said giving Rider the first hint for the answer she sought

"it all continues to how much you can understand and be understood"

"and it all ends when you whenever accept or reject what you have come to understand"  
I turned towards Rider

she had stopped to stare at me like I was some kind of monster...right I probably looked like some kind of rare animal in her eyes.

"realizing, understanding and then accepting or rejecting, that's the purpose of this place"  
Medusa said like she has come to see something.

"precisely, now let me show you what acceptance can do"  
I said snapping my fingers.

Responding to my call Medusa's swamp world started to crumble, in an instant all the grass, trees, broken statues and the land itself started to turn in silver particles, that aggregating in rivers of light began to form a sphere on my hand.

"STOP!"  
screamed Rider imposing her will to stop the flow of silvers fireflies.

Unfortunately for her within the realm of the mind I was without rivals.  
After all at the beginning I was powerless: a pathetic human being broken to its core that had only one ally...a mind forged in the flames of rage, hardened by regrets and sharpened through time and pain.

"mmmmmmmmmmmmm nope"  
I said brushing off Medusa's screams

Brutal and undeterred I continued to absorb Medusa's world until the only thing that remained was a circle of land surrounded by pitch black nothingness.  
Literally the first five minutes Rider's mind ever experienced, that was that last thing still in Medusa's world.

my opponent's face was blank and her eyes empty, right now she couldn't say, think or do anything, her mind was possibly on the same level of a newly born kid; from Medusa I could only feel a faint energy trying to pull back her world .  
I just needed one last effort and once the spell stopped the only thing remaining from Rider would have been a soulless shell.

"Guess I really can't do this uh?"  
I said staring first at the silver orb on my hand and then to the statue-like Medusa

"When I really understand my opponent, deeply enough to beat him, at that precise moment I begin to love him, don't now where I heard this phrase, but its too damn true"  
I grinned as I remembered for the nth time why I never killed anyone with this spell.

"well you can always turn in a valid pawn"  
I moved in front of Medusa and caressed her cheek

"I just need a bit of photoshop, first I give her this thing back"  
I thought shooting the silver energy on my hand back to Rider's world making it re-appear

"Then I keep all this meaning less pain of hers"  
I muttered turning some silver particles in obsidian chains that went to attach on my back

" After that I seal all the memories about this place"  
I continued confining inside a bubble another part of that silver energy

"and I do some editing about this scene"  
I said staring at the last shiny piece of Medusa's existence in my possession:

The moment in which Shinji Matou orders her to kill me

* * *

"Master"

"yes?"

"the **Blood Fort Of Andromeda** Just need other two seals to be completed but..."

"But What Rider!?"

"I don't have any mana left"

"And where is the problem? we will just have you eat the soul of someone"

"As you desire, I will take action during the return to your residence"

"perfect...or not...I have a better idea"

"Master?"

"Today I will give you a special target...do you see that disgusting guy crossing the entrance gate"

"yes"

"He carries with him a magical jewel, sneak upon him and beat him until he isn't able to stand anymore, then steal the magic jewel and use it to replenish your mana"

"Master...he is one of the acquaintances of your sister"

"are you daring to object my orders"

"...no"

"Then go and do not fail me"

* * *

"Okay better, and just in time"  
I said as a mysterious force pulled me back to the border of my mind

the last thing I saw before returning to the real world was a majestic door coloured of black and white.

"I swear one day I'm going to open it"

* * *

"Okay legs it's like very late and very cold out-here, so we need a bit of team-work"  
I muttered trying to stand

"Com'on Com'on I can do this aaaaaaannnnnnnnnddddddd there"  
I finally managed to stay on my own feet

It was incredible how a simple action such as standing up was always so difficult after using pain magic, my body didn't react to stimulus and my mind felt cloudy and numb, if I were to be attacked now...well I just hoped someone deleted my browser history, without watching it.

"damn now how do I go to school"  
I complained studying the state of my school uniform

"blood, dirt and rips... with a piece of white cloth here and there, really how do I explain it: I fell from the stairs and then into a bin of ketchup?"  
I thought limping around the alley to fetch my stuff

Fortunately for me the fatigue I accumulated during the day stopped me from asking, what is going to happen next?  
So too tired to worry I just wore my winter coat and began to walk towards Emiya's house.  
Favoring my right leg I slowly passed across Fuyuki's streets, at this point I was keeping to move only out of pure will power: each step was agony, I could feel wounds and gashes randomly appearing and disappearing

"How long can I go on before collapsing?"  
I thought as the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth

my mind was foggy...confused...paranoid

"Where am I? Is someone following me?"

The air seemed to be ice in my mouth and fire in my lungs.

" so hot..no cold...hot, cold, hot...hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot hot"  
I began to madly mutter as the temperature around me appeared to be gradually rising

Suddenly my vision began to blur like the world had started to faint. What was going on? Screames drummed in my hears and the scent of smoke permeated my sense of smell. Oh I knew. A fire, it was the same fire I had seen for almost two weeks, a thick cloak of crimson flames that enveloped Fuyuki.

"Oh no please not now, give a break"  
I managed to mutter as I realized what was going to happen

My legs that had for so long endured my weight, decided it was time to give up... **really what a timing!**  
* _tung  
_ announced by a dull sound my knees hit the ground too tired to fight back the latent effects of my power,I just let go and closed my eyes

"eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww I'm supposed to be in vacation"  
were the last words to leave my mouth before I was dragged into a world of memories.

* _slap_

or so I believed

"hey creepy looking Oni-san what are you doing on the ground?"

"Illya-sama don't touch strangers"

"Illya...he could be..ehm...dirty, carry diseases"

"For once Leysritt is correct just look at his faces and clothing he must be a homeless"

"Oi that's Rude! can't you recognize a person who already had a difficult day"  
I said as if the slap I received had awaken me from a dream...more a nightmare.

Forcing my useless body to stand I opened my eyes to see.. **WHO THE HECK DARED TO SLAP ME !**

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun**

"Shouldn't you thank **WHO DARED TO SLAP YOU** , because it saved you from a free ride to trauma land?"

* * *

"I hate when you're right brain"  
I whispered while my stare fell on the three figures in front of me

There were two women, I'd say in their early twenty, late teen and a child no more than ten. All of them had milk colored skin and ruby eyes, but attention not like albino's that look red because the blood vessels beneath are visible, no the eyes of these three girls were pure crimson jewels. Their clothing was particular as well: the two women were wearing beige maid outfits, unfortunately not the Anime/french kind, the:" god look so uncomfortable" kind. Meanwhile the little girl was wearing a full set of violet clothes directly from the early 20th century Russia.

"Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk"  
that was the only loquacious thing I could think as I observed the peculiar trio that interrupted my trance.

Nordic names, check  
Unusual appearance, check  
Clothes straight from late 19th century, check  
A Mystical cup within 60 km squares, check

"probability of being in front of three Einzber's homuncul-"

* _slap_

A tiny hand slapped me for the **second** time

"Illya-sama!"  
"Illya"  
the two older women exclaimed

"What the hell is wrong with you brat?"  
I roared to that evil pale slappy demon

"What? He was spacing out and I hate being ignored...did you just called me brat"  
Responded the tiny girl, Illya I supposed, first bored and then annoyed.

"I think you heard me pretty well"  
I retorted massaging my face.

"...damn kids these days always so violent, stupid television...why do I fell murderous intent? "  
I thought as three ruby stares were trying to set me on fire

"you brute apologize immediately, for have refered to Iliya-sama in such a rude way"  
Said one of the two women dressed like maids from 1850

"Shouldn't you apologize immediately because you let your little ojou-brat here slap me?"  
I retorted completely forgetting who I had in front

"How dare you! You should feel honored to have received the touch of Illya-sama's hand on your face"

"What... Are you nuts flat-chested woman!?"

"Flat-chested!"

"Yeah Flast-chested! Did You think I didn't notice thanks to this strange robe you go wearing? Fool! I just needed to stare to your at twin here to see the truth!"  
I said activating one of 108 skills

 **siblings comparison:** A fearsome ability that through the observation of a relative allowed me to find the best spots to prick a person  
(I don't know how does it work for homunculi but I think the Dna is pretty similiar from one individual to another.)

I usually used this technique on Sora and Kasumi, because they are ugly and their sisters cute.

"Hachiman used sexual harassment on annoying albino maid, It's supereffective"  
I thought as the woman embraced her chest and blushed furiously

"and that's how you shut up a rude person. Wonder why I never used this technique to stop Yukinoshita's insults...oh right! I like living"  
I told myself.

Still how fun was insulting annoying people! it even made me forgot about my plaintive body

"Y-y-you maniac, HENTAI!, Leysritt do something! you are the body guard"  
Spat the woman losing every kind of composure and...was she about to cry?

"why? He said nothing false Sella"

"CRITICAL HIT"  
I thought as I saw the Ps of that Sella girl drop in the red zone

"Just shut him up already!"  
The girl retorted with small tears forming in her eyes

"...okay"  
said emotionless the other maid rising her fists

Really couldn't the universe give me a break?

"No wait Leysritt, it's the first time I see Sella in this state, it's amusing, let them continue"  
ordered the small girl with a cold smile

"Iliya-sama why are you taking the defence of this brute?"

"OI Stop calling me brute, flat-chest it's rude"

"Listen to who's talking now!"

"God were you made to be annoying?"  
I responded on the verge of a nerve crisis

I knew I didn't have time for this bullshit, but really this woman here was just too much of a pain, didn't she have a mute button! Unfortunately in the heat of this verbal sparring I had forgotten a tiny detail...

this girl...Sella was a homunculs so she really had been made to be something.

"actually she was made to bfghfgfhfghf"  
Started to say the other girl, LeysrWhatever-too-strange-of-a-name misunderstanding my question.

Fortunately before the scene:" You know too much now you have to die" happened, the ojou-brat Illya managed to put an hand on her maid's mouth, avoiding reserved information leaked. To be honest the sight was quite funny since the little girl was so tiny and standing on her tip-toes barely reached the lisp of her maid.

"Oh look how dark it is right now we must return at home"  
Erupted Sella aware she had just dodged a bullet.

Then whippy like a snake the artificial woman grabbed the hands of her sister (genetically speacking) and master, and dragged them away.

"well it's been displeasure meet you mister Rude I hope to never see you again"  
said the woman turning one last time to stare at me

"the feeling is mutual Flat-chest san"  
I responded fixing my eyes in hers...and rising my middle finger.

"let's go Illya-sama"

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun**

"you know that you just messed up with dangerous people right?"

* * *

"I'm too tired to care brain"

* * *

"ahaha that was fun"

"Illya-sama?"

"your reactions, it was the first time you blushed, right Leysritt?"

"right...Sella was weird ah...aha..ah... Still"

"Still?"  
"Still?"

"Why did Illya spent so much time to stare at that boy on the ground? And then interacted with him?"

"I don't know too well myself, but...his eyes looked like dad's...it made me curious, Still if I met him another time and he calls me brat again I will have Berserker tear him apart"

* * *

"OH GOD FINALLY"  
I rejoiced entering in Emiya's house after a llllllllllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg afternoon, but given the hour, right now was already evening

DAMMIT!

Limping painfully I managed to reach the kitchen. And to be honest never I'd been happier to return in that Japanese styled room. Sure if Emiya one day told me he found a few cans of Max Coffee this moment would be outshined, but for the time being...

"Okay it's over, today it's over "  
I muttered trying to reach my room

I repeat trying.

* _Sound of a boy falling on the ground and missing a pillow for two centimetres ( aawwwSoftLanding-FUCK!)_

Ok it was official! I had consumed all my energies: all my limbs felt numb, the stench of blood impregnated my clothes, my wounds newly healed wounds were pulsing painfully and most importantly my fake skin after the: "I'm-going-to-stab-ya" treatment gently offered by Rider now was completely ruined.

"Damn...I never needed a...spare...change...before"  
I whispered as my head and the floor became one.

my eyelids were so difficult to keep open

"No...I must...contact the...brats"  
I said commanding my body to move.

Yet there wasn't a single limb, a single muscle that obeyed to my command

"dammit...damn...da..."  
I fell asleep while my only consolation was that Emiya's house was surrounded by a powerful magical field.

"At least I here I'm safe"  
I managed to think before the events of a night, now nearly nine years old engulfed my brain.

* * *

5 October 2007

* _DLIN DLON_

"coming!"

"Winry! just who the hell comes here at this hour"

"someone that can help Ed and Al"

"Oh God not them!"

* _screech_

"Yo"  
"Good evening"  
"..."

"Guys you came here faster than I imagined"

"We were already in Britain for business, to be clear we had to stretch our travel of 70 kilometers, with Kasumi here giving me the wrong directions, Kyotaka unable to decide a goddamn radio channel and local policemen that wouldn't believe we were dwarfs

"Ni-san just wants to say:"I hope it's a real emergency", or something"

"And that he is an idiot for believing that just having a piece of paper saying we were affected by dwarfism, would have kept people quiet..."

"Oh shut up you two, next time try to come out with a good excuse for having a nine years old drive a car...So what's the emergency?"

* * *

"Is that them,?"

"Yes on the right Ed and on the left Al, Edward and Alfonse Elric"

"And they are Magi..."

"Apparently"

"Apparently?"

"Listen I have known them for ever and I never caught any hint...then...Yesterday Ed arrived with his arm and leg carbonized dragging Al that seemed to have just got out from a bone fire...and...you have seen that thing in their basement"

"Yeah..I have seen it...dammit, call here Kasumi and Kyotaka, I need their help to treat this guy, if he can explain us what he specifically did, we can try to do something about the other brother...his condition is definitely worse "

"...yes...can you really help them?"

"I don't know, but I'll do everything in my power"

"Thanks"

"Don't thank me yet, I don't promise you any result"

"Still...thanks"

"...just get the two idiots before your grandmother stabs them with a spoon already...Right now every second is important.

* * *

"Okay Hachiman Kyotaka at three you release your magic and I slap him back to the world of living. One. Two. Three."

- **transfer dolor-**

 **As my will command :** heal

"gggggggggwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaa! ALFONSE! MOM! Where are you!"

* _slap_

"Shut up and listen"

* * *

"So repeat me one last time Elric... you and your brother tried to revive your mother first spending all your fortune for a homunculs shaped with her DNA and then using a combination of alchemy and clack magic to summon her soul back"

"...Yes...that's exactly what we did...but..but our calculations were wrong and and...and then Gaia intercepted our ritual...I don't know what happened next I just saw my mother's homunculus transform and felt my magic circuits flare up...then there was Al and AL ALFONSE WHERE IS MY BROTHER!?"

"Kasumi go to in the car and get me the biggest diamond we have"

"HEY!"

"Kyotaka start charging we are going to need a lot of mana"

"STOP TO IGNORE ME AND ANSWER MY QUESTION!"

"Oh? you are enough lively to stand with your arm and leg Elric... surprising"

"DON'T GIVE ME THIS SHIT WHERE IS AL!?"

"Christ stop being so loud and turn your dumb head, he is right there"

"AL!...God what happened to you...PLEASE YOU HAVE TO HELP HIM"

* _grab_

"Please I'll do anything"

"Do anything? In that state? Just look at yourself ! you can barely stand and the magic circuits in your arm and leg are fry, you'd better amputate them before all your body go in necrosis"

"I don't care about arms and legs JUST GIVE ME MY BROTHER BACK! IS MONEY THAT YOU WANT I WILL PAY ANY PRICE"

"Didn't you say you spent all your money for your mother's homunculus"

"Magus flesh. it can worth a lot of money...TAKE MY ARMS TAKE MY LEGS TAKE EVERYTHING JUST SAVE HIM JUST SAVE AL!"

"ah is that so? you think that because you're ready to pay any price, you can obtain what you want? Don't give me this crap the world isn't so easy, besides look at your brother magic circuits fried on 98% of his body, it's a miracle he hasn't died already...no let me rephrase his body has already died, the only things that still function are heart, lungs and brain, it's just a matter of time before he dies from denutrition...there is nothing you can do"

"No...no... but there must be... at least single way"

"Oh there is...but believe me if you didn't have the right friend your brother would be done for. Now move aside and let the big kids do their job"

* * *

"Okay we need to be precise and quick! I'm going to extract lil'Elric's soul, Kasumi keep his eyes open, Kyotaka you direct the mana flow in the diamond and Elric"

"me?"

"No that chair, of course you dumbass take this"

"A silver pocket watch?"

"After exactly 247 seconds you touch Kasumi and Kasumi cut the eye-contact between me and your brother, one second less one second more and it's game over"

"yes"

"Good"

 **-the eyes are the mirrors of the soul-  
** **-Tamashī no kagami-**

 **AS MY WILL ORDERS: ABSORB**

"246,245,244[...]4,3,2,1 NOW"

* * *

"Oh God that was hard...please Kyotaka, Kasumi can you get me some painkillers It's the first time I did something like this "

"Sure"  
"Sure"

"..."  
"..."

"...is this red diamond...A-Alfonse?

"yes it's him..at least for the time being, if as an Alchemist you worth your salt, you can bound his soul to a phisical object and re-give him touch, sight and hearing, in this way he will last..I'd say ten years"

"What? can't I just use an homunculus"

"Good luck with that, Unless you manage to find an original Einzbern Homunculus suitable for your brother, I highly doubt he would survive for more than eight years with the homunculs bodies you find on the black market nowadays"

"...Then I will make it on my own, I will create him a new body"

"And how I ask you?"

" I don't know YET, but **I WILL FIND A WAY** "

"mm interesting...I like your drive kid"

"don't call me kid, you are not older than me"

"really?"

"really I'm eight"

"ah sucks to be you! I'm nine...still let me be honest you won't find a way to give your brother a new body as you are now"

"What do you mean"

"you are weak, without resources and if you really believe you can learn how to make human bodies in less than ten years you're just a fool"

"..."

"That's why I'm going to offer you a deal, but first are you ready to sacrifice all your life up until now?"

* * *

"Thanks again Hachiman, I don't know what would have happened if it wasn't for you"

"Rockbell don't worry about it, just give me a 60% discount on my next order"

"Impossible"

"you cheapstake...still you and Elric owe me and the others a big one"

"believe me, we will repay you"

"Oh I've made sure of it..."

"What do you mean by that?"

" Nothing I just taught someone that there is no such a thing as a painless lesson, they just don't exist. Sacrifices are necessary, you can't gain anything without losing something first. Although if you can endure that pain and turn it in your strength, you will find that you have now an heart"

"an heart?"

"yeah..."

"Ed when did you got dow- **Where is your arm**!"

"an heart strong enough to overcome any obstacle, an heart FullMetal...Hikigaya I accept your offer"

* * *

"OH Dammit I hate flashback dreams"  
I said escaping from my sleep.

Really couldn't I just relax my dreams?  
What a stupid question of course NOT, after all it wasn't like I was on vacation for goodness sake! I could indulge myself reminding of the good old days when a eight years old kid ripped his own arm to show resolve

"...I have always knew I should have opened a cafe instead of Oroboro, I'm not the leader type"  
I muttered while countless faces that relied on me ran through my brain.

"Just what should I do once I turn eighteen...do my job"

"or indulge myself a little more time?"  
I said reminding about a particular competition I had yet to win and a date I wasn't giving up on.

"ahahaha I should have known better than affectionate myself to a stupid clubroom ahaha so unprofessional."  
I laughed off my concerns rolling on my back.

"Okay I guess I have already spent to much time lying on the ground for today"  
I stared at the ceiling feeling my body still tired of course, but completely healed.

I was just about to stand up, when the sliding door of the kitchen suddenly opened. From my carpet-like-pose I could only see the socks of the new individual entering in the house (Stupid dining table!) still from the "delicate" fragrance of dead rat I could only assume it was Emiya.

" _aawwwSoftLanding-FUCK!"_

"yup definitely Emiya crushing on the floor like I did before"  
I thought listening to the epic sound of a suffering riajuu...oddly satisfactory.

"Yo Emiya"  
I grunted bored

"Hikigaya...why you on the floor?"  
he responded emotionless

"I could ask you the same question"

"I just say rough day"

"Yeah me too..."

"..."

"..."

"Hikigaya, I don't feel like cooking tonight"

"...Should I call 911?"

"no...ye-no...no..nono...I was thinking about pizza"

"mmm that's sound nice, is Fujimura-sensei eating here?"

"nope, just you and me..."

"It's seriously creepy when you say it, you know"

"...I think it's more creepy you thought about my words in the creepy way...you creep"

"don't call me creep you filthy riajuu"

"..."

"..."

"ahhahaaha"

"ahahahaha"

"okay my bad..."

"soooo what about the pizza...I'm seriously starving right now"

"there is a calling card near the landline phone"

"...is this supposed to be a kind way to order me a to go order the pizzas?"

"a vegetarian please"

"...go to hell"  
I concluded our conversation finally healthy enough to stand in less than ten minutes

Fortunately I still had on my winter coat so it was impossible Emiya noticed the traces left by fight with Rider, I just had to move away before he could smell the scent of blood, yet before I managed to come out from the kitchen...I realized something

 _*sniff_

 _*sniff_

all the kitchen was engulfed in the crimson fragrance of blood and...it wasn't only of mine

"the Fuck did happen to him"  
I thought, as what remained of my blood froze in my veins

the situation was pretty obvious if you could see it from outside: I was injured, Emiya was injured, we both didn't want to let the other know and too afraid the smell of blood could gave off our, so called, secret, we ignored it and avoided to point it out. I only noticed something was off because I could distinguish the smell of my blood from someone else's one.

"I guess today was nobody's lucky day"  
I whispered walking towards the exit door of the kitchen.

"Emiya..."  
I called him giving the boy my back

"Yeah..."  
he responded tired, really tired, yet trying to sound happy.

That was one of the many thing I hated about him, always using a voice that only sounded like,"I'm fine don't worry ", it was like he was pathetically trying mock me. "Dude it's obvious that you aren't fine" I wanted to scream, why? because...I cared about him, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH no, not enough at least, it just really pissed me off how he was trying to hide something so poorly...amateur the silent treatment is always the best option!

"How's your bruises?"  
I asked feinting disinterest

"Uh?...Oh normal I think, they didn't change, nor started to hurt"  
he answered

"Ok"  
I said leaving the kitchen.

"God I hope Emiya isn't some kind of mind master able to deceive me! Before he didn't seem to be lying, maybe he doesn't even know, that those bruises are a full set of command seals...naaa he can't be this clueless...right?"  
I thought putting aside the dinner matter for a moment

"Well, if that's the case I have no idea about what will happen next...still this is a problem I will face after having called a fucking army ready to Nuke the first servant who ruin my afternoon of laziness "  
I whispered poisonous entering in my room.

* * *

After re-entering in my nest exactly 123 seconds of pure silent conflict... before a new hell broke into this GODDAMN FRIDAY.

But let's go in order.

-123-

Arriving in my room I quickly discarded my winter coat on the floor and run towards my suitcase

-120-

"8man Rocks"  
I said mechanical

"voice recognized"  
answered the silver suitcase opening in a* _ftssss._

-118-

then a bit slower than I usually did my hands reached my laptop and activated it

-111-

"Okay now I just need to write...to write something"  
I muttered while my hands seemed to have turned into stone.

they felt so heavy and difficult to move, it was like my hands were specifically refusing to move. And I didn't know why.

-99-

or maybe

-98-

I knew

-97-

after all they were always the same reasons

-96-

"if I drag Ororboro in this war, how many will die if a servant finds them...how many operations will blow up because I requested support and this to how many deaths will lead to?"  
I whispered stopping to breathe

-90-

"yet how many can die if the grail ends up in the wrong hands?"  
I asked myself tored apart

-85-

Dammit

I had too little information on any potential foe and too much to lose. A wrong decision and lives could be lost for ever... I had to be precise, I had to request a precise number of operative agents and equipments. Keep the risks and the benefits balanced.

-80-

"hypothetically speaking I need at least: my battle suit, 58 jewels filled with mana, a rocket launcher...better two rocket launchers, enchanted chains, plus a lot ammunitions then two high ranked operative agents, one from the medical squad, three spell casters and Kasumi...that right now doesn't want to talk to me, unless I change or something... Fuck"  
I bit my tongue.

-68-

"if I can employ Rider maybe I can reduce the number of people I need"

-62-

"if I request androids support by Blank? No they will eventually ignore my orders and amass the whole Oroboro"

 _*tling *_ _tling (bell sounds)_

-46-

"I request the support of Diamond armor...no...Ed re-grafted Alfonse's soul in a human body two months ago, last week lil'Elric was about to awake in his new body, but of course it will take ages before he can return to be an agent...I need more options"

-19-

"Nuke the Holy Grail? yeah...If I knew its location and taking the helicarrier here didn't meant moving one third of Oroboro staff and half of the budged of the whole organization"

\- 16-

"guess I will just request the information about the holy grail and some equipment from Winry's grandmother"

-10-

"then I will come out with something"

-9-  
-8-  
-7-  
-6-  
-5-  
-4-  
-3-  
-2-  
-1-

 _*crash_

the paper wall of my room broken

" Hikigaya RUN!"

* * *

"Hikigaya RUN!"  
a red haired boy crashed in my room with his left ankle bent in a horrible way and a glowing poster in his hand

"Emiya ! "  
I scream seeing him with his school uniform stained of blood

So that's what he was hiding all this time that was one hell of a stab wound, he must have nearly died from it

"You have to run!"  
my land lord said unable to stand up while his consciousness seemed to fade away

"Oh there is another"  
A voice I didn't know announced the arrive of a tall blue dude

I didn't have to even think about it, this Seriously-dangerous-looking-man was obviously a servant

Dammit  
my heart was beating to an insane speed, and the gun in my pocket was out of ammo

"Yo servant-San what I can do for you"  
I said burying all my emotions, I had to keep my cool and search for a way out

"Ah? You know about servants, are you a Magus? "

"Mmmm Kinda...can you please tell me why you are trying to turn my landlord into a kebab?"

"He saw something he shouldn't have, like you..."

The man said kindly informing me that diplomacy was useless

"Oh what a pity"

I said doing the only thing I could think of

Throw the first thing I had under my hand a.k.a my laptop. It was a desperate and naive action, but it was the only decoy I could use in my current situation

"useless"  
Said the man impaling midair my computer with a spear

"Where did that come from !"  
I thought dashing towards the man calling every drop of mana I still had in my body

"I JUST NEED A SECOND OF EYE CONTACT "  
I mentally screamed closing the distance with the man as much as I could

THE EYES ARE THE MIRRORS OF THE SOUL  
I chanted focused to win with only a move

The blue dude's red eyes were just behind what remained of my laptop, I felt like I could do it

"Tamashi no kaga-ugh"

unfortunately my feelings were a bit of today  
I didn't managed to finish my spell  
My opponent's fist hit me before I was able to complete my chant or to do anything else

"Fast"  
Was the only thing I could think as my body flew across the room

That dude's fist was like a cannon ball and had at least cracked four of my ribs

"Agh"  
I groaned crashing in a wall

"Ahaha that was a nice move kiddo you surprised me"  
Said the spearman surpassing the semi-conscious Emiya on the floor

" that's how you react...when someone surprises you?...guess nobody throws a surprise party for you uh?"  
I muttered while a my mouth felt metallic and in pain

"Pffff nice reaction bozu, but it won't save your life "  
said the man lazily pointing his spear at my chest

"Really? Well at last I will go out as a badass"  
I said grabbing his spear with my right hand and sinking it a bit in my flesh

 **-Dolor meus et fortitudinem-**  
I chanted channeling half of the pain magic I had left in my left hand

Using my reinforcement spell on my hand I forcefully turned all my flash in a crystalline looking obsidian claw .  
Making resort to all my power of will I sank more this dude's spear in my belly and pierced his fore arm with my black Claws

I knew it was just for a moment, but by blocking this Spear dude weapon and arm I could buy my semi-conscious landlord a bit of time to escape

"Emiya run !"  
I ordered him with a voice that accepted no buts.

Unfortunately for some reason I have yet to understand Shiro Emiya decided it was wiser to run with his poster against me and the spear man , instead of running away.

I knew I could have been more specific but when someone say run, the away is implicit dammit!

"Woooo"  
Screamed the boy swinging his glowing poster like a bath towards this Lancer's head

Doing...absolutely nothing! the poster just bent around the blue dude's forehead

"Oh for goodness sake!"  
I groaned as Emiya was astonished and lancer was rising an eyebrow

"I meant run away, fucking moron"

"Gosh this sight is too pathetic bozu listen to your friend advice here, Start running I will finish him off and then chase you again"

"H-hikiga"

"Go dammit!"  
I screamed tightening my grip around Lancer's forearm, but judging from his expression I wasn't hurting him or anything

Really this dude wasn't reacting at all couldn't he at least pretend to be in pain

"Shir shit shit "  
said the boy finally running away

"geez was it so difficult!"

"Hey he tried to help you"  
Said the man effortlessly freeing his forearm from my hand

"no he was wasting the time I tried to buy"  
I grunted

" don't sweat over it he will eventually die, your efforts are meaningless at the end"  
He said trusting his spear in my guts and then retreating it

needless to say it hurt like a bitch

"Fuck you"

Was the last thing I said as he left the room

1

2

3

"Caecis iter dolor"

(the way of the healing is pain)  
I chanted making my wound started to heal,

"Thank god he didn't understood I was directing his spear away from vitals points, damn the spear was cursed, it's fucking difficult to heal "  
I whispered crawling towards my suitcase and drawing four objects:

a jar of plastic,Two syringes, two finales of a blue liquid and a small box with a post it on

"Prototypes of Oroboro MCA, don't use them at full potential or they will tear apart your muscles  
Winry

Without waiting for even a second I filled the two syringes with the blue liquid and shot it in my veins, forcefully replenishing my mana, then ai opened the box wore six bracelets.

" Emiya resist a minute I'm coming "  
I said opening the plastic jar and swallowing eight pills of stimulating

4 times the mortal dose

"Really if I die at fifty after this stunt, I deserve it "

REINFORCEMENT FULL COWL LAST SECOND

* * *

 **AND HERE IT IS THE CHAPTER 2 OF MY FF WHERE OUR UN-LOVELY 8MAN MESSED UP WITH RIDER'S MIND, ENCOUTERED ILLYA + MAIDS (THAT ARE MORE SIMILAR TO THEIR KALEID COUNTER PARTS), HAD SOME FLASHBACKS ABOUT ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS EVER EDWARD ELRIC AND FINNALY MET LANCER...YEAH HIKIGAYA HACHIMAN IS REALLY HAVING HARD TIMES.**

 **I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE CHAPTER...I KINDA WROTE IT BETWEEN A TEST AND ANOTHER SO IT MIGHT BE A BIT SLOPPIER THAN USUAL...DAMMIT HIGHSCHOOL!**

 **AS USUAL LET ME KNOW YOUR OPINIONS, THANKS TO EVERY BODY WHO READ THIS MADNESS OF MINE AND TO THE NEXT CHAPTER**

 **THE SWORD II**


	5. The Sword II

**A/N DUE MY LACK IN SKILL FOR THE USE OF ENGLISH I WARMLY RECOMEND RE-READING THE LONER FROM THE PROLOGUE**

* * *

THE SWORD II

(Rin POV)

"Archer, follow Lancer...if we don't learn at least his Master's face none of this will have been worth it"

(sound of a servant dissolving in a cloud of mana)

"Rin this is your responsibility. Lancer pierced him with his spear... if the heart was hit, there is no way to save him. "

"..c-cc-cold"

"I'm sorry, I'll sit with you until your time comes"

*tshhhhhhh(sound of a body delicately rolled)

"ah...arf...arf arf..N-no,Don't do this to me...why are you here? Why did you have to pick this hour on this day to be here? How am I supposed to look her in the eye tomorrow?"

.

.

.

.

"there is still a way"

* * *

(Shiro POV)

"being an hero justice... a person that define himself like one is just deluding himself  
after all justice changes from person to person.  
good and evil may turn in one another through someone else's eyes.  
I can accept being an hero, fight for the weak and stuff. But being an hero of justice it just mean you assume you will always be right...it's arrogant"

"And what you do then if you have the best intention but end up doing something wrong, evil"

"You just go on I suppose.  
knowing you might be wrong, continue to question yourself if you are doing things in the right way...  
that's the only thing you can do.  
and if you still have un-answered questions but genuinely feel something is right...  
Just do it"

"and how is that different from do something just because you assume to be right?"

"because this time the choice you make is not arrogant, it's a choice made after getting through doubts and uncertainties... it's genuine"

* * *

"Dad, I'll become an hero of justice for you"

* * *

"is it...is my desire genuine?"

* * *

"ARhhh arf...afr"

Spear, pain, blood, warmth, cold, a voice

"ARG...what happened?"  
I muttered awaking on the floor of my school

my head hurt, my chest hurt...my everything hurt. Just what did it happened to me, I remembered a spear, pain then blood...lot of blood and then nothing...just a faint red light, it seemed so far away. It was like that light was calling me, asking me to catch it.

"shit"  
I whispered as my head began to spin like a spinning top

Trying to calm myself down, I started to breathe deeply, yet with each inhalation and exhalation my situation seemed to get worse. I was struggling to keep my eyes open, with each breath I believed I was going to puke and I felt cold...really cold.

"arf..."  
I exhaled observing a small cloud of steam from in front of me

Out of instinct I moved my arms to hug my shoulders, I was trebling and...my chest was wet.

"U-uh"  
I grunted staring at my uniform...it was stained of blood.

"So I didn't dream it...I was about to die...no I died, I was killed"  
I said emotionless while my breathing stabilized and I regained something similar to calm

"No...not yet...I have still things to do"  
I tried to stand up...It was hard...insanely hard .

Still forcing out all the strength I had left in my legs I managed to do it, then with the swinging step of a drunkard, I slowly moved a foot in front of another and began to walk. I knew it would have been a long way to my house and that if I dared to stop I might have collapse again...Yet as I hardly managed to move in the cold school hallway a small red glitter caught my eye.  
I didn't know why, but I immediately felt the irrepressible desire to take it. Enduring a scorching pain running through all my body I kneeled on the floor and extended my hand towards the source of that small crimson glittering.

It was a jewel, a ruby to be precise...it was cold, yet in my hand was like made of fire. With a rough gesture I moved the ruby in my pocket... doing nothing different than following my instinct.

"Okay com'on Shiro one step, and then another"  
I muttered starting my journey

* * *

"Okay I'm literally arrived. that's the door and that's the kitchen"  
I thought as I used my last bits of conscience

Having concluded my mission to return at home, I mentally shook my hand:  
"Good job Emiya-san"  
"Oh please call me Shiro, Emiya-kun"

and conveyed I could take a pause, or put in other terms, I collapsed as my energies were over...completely over...like any kind of cookie/sweets in my kitchen after Fuji-nee comes for breakfast. (A/N GASP!)

Before I realized it my body had began to fall. Using all the power of will left in my body I directed my head towards a random pillow I left on the kitchen's floor this morning.

" _aawwwSoftLanding-FUCK!"  
_ I grunted while my nose missed the pillow for two centimetres and crushed on the floor...and to be clear I definitely wasn't crying.

Yeah I was sweating from my eyes!

"dammit, this was really a nice day! First Sakura got hurt and refused to let me help her, I had been under interrogation for all the lunch pause, forced to clean the archery dojo (... I like cleaning though) and then...encoutered those two the red and the blue men"  
I thought rolling on the floor while the memories of those two flashed in my eyes.

their power, speed, weapons everything was so vivid yet so fuzzy in my mind. I was struggling to remember what I saw precisely...still the feeling of inferiority and powerlessness I felt standing beside them was branded in my mind.

"who were those two? They were no ordinary humans"  
I whispered inaudible, while a strong smell of blood tickled my nose

"Yo Emiya"  
a voice suddenly said from the other side of the kitchen table

"...Oh God there is a thief in my house with a creepy voice!...AND KNOWS MY NAME TOO, oh wait is Hikigaya"  
I screamed in my head

"Hikigaya...why you on the floor?"  
I asked trying to hide my fear and fatigue

It what a stupid question, the one I just made, the answer was obvious; he must have had accused the usual symptoms from lack of sucrose and caffeine: sudden fainting!

"I could ask you the same question"  
He responded kind of annoyed...really this dude

Why didn't he accepted the surrogate of Max Coffee I did for him, it was the best solution for both of us: Hikigaya drank coffee and became happy, I helped someone and became happy, WIN-WIN...the fact I didn't have to clean the stains of saliva made by an uncoscious teenager was just a side benefit.

Still, I had to distract Hikigaya so he didn't notice the smell of blood and the only way right was saying something credible and detailed

"I just say rough day"  
In my head my response sounded more clever.

"Yeah me too..."  
but it seemed to convince Hikigaya..that must have had a really rough day ahahahah at most hardcore hunt on Monster Hunter.

For a few awkward moments not me nor Hikigaya spoke again. As usual my inability to make small talks put me in tight spots, right now Hikigaya didn't seem prone to move from the kitchen and with each second I could feel the smell of blood growing stronger, it was just a matter of minutes before the dark haired teenager noticed something was off.

"Okay Shiro you have known this guy for a week, how can you possibly make him do something he doesn't want to do...Food!"

"Hikigaya, I don't feel like cooking tonight"  
I said leaking my a bit of my fatigue in my voice

"...Should I call 911?"  
responded the teen with his voice a little alarmed...was he so surprised?

"no..."  
I retorted while all my kitchen tools screamed  
"Are you leaving us alone!"

on a second thought  
"ye-"

psychoanalysts cost to much  
"no...no..nono..."

"I was thinking about pizza"  
I offered putting a side for a moment by dubious mental health.

"mmm that's sound nice, is Fujimura-sensei eating here?"  
he asked

"nope, just you and me..."  
I responded happy that I just had to hide my blood stained uniform from one person

"It's seriously creepy when you say it, you know"

"Was it?"  
I thought trying to understand a double meaning and...ewwww

"...I think it's more creepy you thought about my words in the creepy way...you creep"  
I groaned with a twisted face

"don't call me creep you filthy riajuu"  
Hikigaya responded annoyed

"..."

"..."

"ahhahaaha"

"ahahahaha"

It was fun interacting with someone I could be rude to

"okay my bad..."  
I whispered offering a truce, fighting Hikigaya in a verbal battle was probably a suicide

"soooo what about the pizza...I'm seriously starving right now"  
the creep retorted signing the armistice

"there is a calling card near the landline phone"  
I said setting my trap

"...is this supposed to be a kind way to order me a to go order the pizzas?"  
My trap was immediately noticed! But I could still win

"a vegetarian please"  
I tried using a cheerful voice, expecting no results

"...go to hell"  
grunted Hikigaya standing up and going out from the kitchen

"...It actually worked, is it my birthday? Well maybe I don't actually the date of my actual birth...aaaaahhhhh positive vibes positive vibes, my plan worked that's what important"  
I muttered astonished

"it's possible I'm still dying at school and this is an hallucination?"  
I thought

"How're your bruises?"  
Hikigaya suddenly asked with bored voice

"Uh?...Oh normal I think, they didn't change, nor started to hurt"  
I responded taken aback by the unusual amount of concern he was displaying.

"Ok"  
he then said leaving the room.

For a few moments I remained speechless, unable to address the current situation, first I got nearly killed and now Hikigaya was bearable? The whole thing smelled fishy.

"Just to be sure"  
 _*pinch_

"oway it hwrt, this is real"  
I said clenching my left cheek in my hand

"What a day...it was the second time I died uh?"  
I sighed drawing from my pocket a crimson gem.

Staring at my reflection on that jewel I felt a sense of uneasiness, when I was stabbed someone came to help me, I clearly remember a voice...it was: feminine, familiar, pleasant and had a bitter-sweet timber, I didn't understand why but...Listening to that voice...to her voice, I could ignore the cold spreading through my body.

It was almost funny the second time I died and again I was unable to do anything.

"I suppose I should thank you...Tohsaka"  
I said lifting above my head the crimson jewel

"Hikigaya was right if you remain in fetal position, while fainting you recognize the voices of the people around you...I can't believe it actually works"

* * *

(A day ago)

"Emiya for dinner I think it's better fish than meat"

"Okay!...Wait, how do you know I couldn't decide between meat and fish? I discussed this topic with Sakura while you were droolling on the floor"

"Ah a trick I learned in middle school if you faint... or want to sleep on the desk, keep your ears and respiratory tracts free and you get a bit of awareness in your sleep"

"...it sounds like bullshit"

"Oi did you just insinuate I'm a liar"

"you aren't?"

"not the point"

"so let me get this straight it's like you are awake and sleeping at the same time"

"no it's like I'm sleeping but I can hear what's happening around me, my prized loner skill number 48"

"...Sure..."

"Thanks for having stepped on me by the way"

"How you know that too?!"

"You really did! I was just messing with you!"

* * *

"still...what should I do now?"  
I muttered supporting my body on my elbows and staring at the ceiling.

I was in a tight spot, I didn't know what's going on, who trust and if I was safe...no I was safe, after all my house was protected by a powerful magical field a friend of Kiritsugu made, so I was sure my home was a safe place.

"besides if something was wrong a few bells would resound"

(A/N LUCK E Activated)

 _*tling *_ _tling (bell sounds)_

Of fucking course!

* * *

It was matter of seconds.

first some azure sparks, then a red spear and to conclude a ripped blue man, if I had to condense these three factors in one sentence I guess it would sound

"OH SHIT!"  
like this.

abandoning every form of thinking and relying only on my instincts, I forced my numb legs and arms to move and pushed myself out from the red weapon's trajectory. Without any kind of grace I rolled on the dinning table and crushed on the other side of the room out of breath.

A weapon I needed a weapon, everything was fine, but it had to be sturdy and powerful, like my kitchen knives!...that were currently behind the blue man...the same blue man that had already killed me once today.

DAMMIT!

Lacking of options I grabbed the first thing I saw lying on the floor, a.k.a. Fuji-nee's poster, not the best choice or a choice at all since there was only an option, but still better than nothing.  
Just gripping it I felt my hands trembling, I was scared...not for me...but for an innocent acquaintance of mine that had nothing to do with this whole mess and could be the next person to become a kebab this night.

DAMMIT AGAIN!

"One thing at the time"  
I muttered standing up with the poster in my hands

this thing, this upcoming fight was nothing different from my morning spars with Fuji-nee.  
I had to widen my legs, bent my knees, rose my arms and grip harder my weapon, it was easy, four movements I had done thousands of times. In a second my hands stopped to tremble and my eyes became sharper... this thing was exactly like a morning spar with Fuji-nee, the only difference was that the stakes were a bit higher.

"aha, I was trying to be considerate, figuring it would hurt more, if you saw it coming"  
grinned cocky the red eyes spear man moving his red dispenser of death on his shoulder

I looked at his weapon and then looked at mine, I couldn't survive more than a minute like this

"stuck killing the same person twice..."  
he continued darkly amused

I had to come out with something, I was too tired and too slow to escape, besides last time didn't end up well, I needed a better weapon to fight, a weapon that could give me a chance to win...like those beautiful swords the red guy was using.

"But I doubt they will appear in my hand" (A/N not now at least lol)  
I thought wondering if dying here quickly would have saved Hikigaya's life

"I guess the human world is a bloody place no matter the era"  
spit my opponent doing a few tricks with his spear at great speed and assuming a fighting stance.

It was a wide and aggressive stance, I didn't know enough about spearman-ship to comment better, still even I could see how deathly and experienced this man here was with his weapon.  
I never Thought about it, but this was the first time I could square my opponent: he seemed to only follow a silver and blue color pattern, I mean his armor and hair were blue, while his shoulder straps, ear rings and the finishing on his armor were silver... there were only two things that looked out of place, his eyes and his spears both scarlet like fire...I hated fire.

"think Shiro think what would Kiritsugu do?...Kiritsugu his origin bullets"  
I thought while the imagine of an old dusty suitcase and a old gun appeared in my mind

If I managed to reach the toolshed I might take this guy down.  
Sure it was a desperate plan, with too many unknown factors, but right now it was my best shot (A/N pun intended!)

make it or brake it.

" **TRACE ON** "

* * *

One spell, one aria and a dream.

There was everything I got inside those two words that after leaving my lips activated my magic circuits.  
Blue lines of energy spreaded on my arms and then on the poster in my hands. For a second the dark grin on my opponent's face disappeared and was replaced by a spark of surprise, he didn't expect I wouldn't immediately flew...yet observing an amused almost excited smile spring on the blue man face, I realized my actions had piqued the interest of a beast that was better asleep.

I nearly regretted using magecrafth and running for my life.

"Find you way to the other side this time, boy"  
said the spearman doing a few side steps to study me.

mimicking his action I was tempted to respond "no thanks i'd like to live a bit more", but I had more urgent matters to deal with now.

"strengthening components and materials"  
I said mechanical to complete my reinforcement magic.

Fortunately for me my spell worked properly this time, so the paper poster didn't exploded in a bunch of confetti and turned hard as metal. I could do it, I could survive this night and this guy!

with a swift movement the blue spearman I labelled as Lancer-san, thrusted his crimson weapon against me... It was so fast. I barely managed to deviate Lancer's blow with my poster, but it wasn't enough, the crimson spear ignoring all my efforts left a deep gash on my right arm.

Aware I just avoided another stab on my heart, I barely reacted when a scorching pain began to pulse on my arm...the only thing that made me wince was the cold of the blade as it pierced through my flesh and skin.

"Oh?"  
grunted Lancer lowering his spear

 _"precious seconds to breathe"  
_ I thought pressing my new wound to slow down the blood loss

"that's an odd style"  
he commented my basic kendo stance

" _Step back Shiro out from his spear's reach"  
_ I continued keeping to think...I had to remain calm,lucid

 _"_ ahah it's faint, but I sense mana. So that's why you're still alive after having your heart skewered"  
Lancer said...leaving in my mouth a bitter after taste mainly for two reasons

first because my magic was so weak that this dude thought I said "Trace on " Like... some kind of random mantra?  
And second because he believed I healed myself from his other attack...sure it kind of flattered me he thought I could achieve a self-healing spell, but this also meant he will make sure to permanently kill me this time.

" _Step back Shiro step back..._ "

"This might be fun after all"  
Lancer concluded the conversation and rose his spear again

" _NOT FOR ME!_ "  
was my last thought as I moved my poster to intercept a new incoming blow

Good news I managed to block it

Bad news the blunt power shot me out of the kitchen.

Flying in the air like not-very-graceful bird I collided with one of the external walls of the house. Just how strong was Lancer?  
After landing it was like my entire body had been under a roadroller.

"Dammit"  
I grunted biting my tongue making warm blood splash into my mouth.

I couldn't afford to remain on the floor so I self-inflicted pain to distract myself from my aching body. All my muscles and tendons screamed in protest as I stood up and trudged the hallway. My plan was simple and crazy: ideally I would have broken a window of the hallway with a shove, ran in the tool-shed, found Kiritsugu's gun and survived...a plan with 1000% success probability.

Yet an unexpected factor overturned my plan: the skinny silhouette of Hikigaya projected on a paper wall facing the hallway.

"Why is he here! he should be in the other side of the house ordering our pizzas"  
I screamed in my head making me do the worst thing possible in my situation

 **hesitate.**

What happened next was only a collection of phonograms my brain memorized.

Lancer's leg aiming at my ribs

my poster moved to protect me

the sound of metal bending

the air in my lungs forcefully expelled

a thin wall tored apart

my ankle bending into a wrong angulation.

Yet again I could nothing against Lancer, I was too weak, too slow, too myself.

Still yet again I refused to give up and then did the only thing that could still help someone else: **SCREAMING**

"HIKGAYA RUN!"

* * *

(Meanwhile)

"Hang on..."

"What is it, Rin?"

"When Lancer's Master learns the witness they thought they'd killed is still alive..."

"he will probably Lancer back to finish the job"

"Archer...let's go"

* * *

One time Kiritsugu said to me that pain was my friend...because it taught me what I could do and what I couldn't do, it always reminded me I was still alive.  
Unfortunately my dad never told me how to react when even pain started to fade away.

"you have to run...Hikigaya...run"

 **like in this case.**

After crushing in Hikigaya's room everything around me seemed dizzy and shapeless.  
My sight wasn't working properly, in fact inside my eyes confused color stains and black spots were the only things to be seen. My head was spinning as if my brain had decided to go on a roller coaster.  
Was I standing? Was I sitting? Was I lying on the floor? Sure thinking logically it was of course the latter, but standing to my senses I was doing all those things at the same time.

"Oh there is another"  
I heard far away

"Yo servant-San

 _Hikigaya..._

what I can do for you?"

 _why was he so calm...no he wasn't calm...his voice was too flat, he was terrified..._

"Ah? You know about servants

 _servants?_

are you a Magus? "

 _Hikigaya a Magus?_

"Mmmm Kinda...can you please tell me why you are trying to turn my landlord into a kebab?"

"What the hell is going on?"  
I thought as my sight resetted and returned to work properly...kinda

Maybe I was still seeing strange things: the Hikigaya standing in front of me seemed to have fallen from the stairs and then into a bin of ketchup, I mean his clothes were all tored and dirty of blood...did I hit my head harder than I expected?

"He saw something he shouldn't have, like you..."  
said Lancer darkly and as much as it hurted to admit it was official

We were both dead...

"Now who's gonna feed Fuji-nee"  
I thought bitterly while my guts twisted

"Don't give me this crap...it can't end like this"  
I tighten my grip around the poster I still had in my right hand.

I could still fight, I still had to fight. I just needed a moment in order to have my stupid body return to work properly.

"Hachiman please stall this game for another bit"  
I thought trying to stand up one last time.

"Oh what a pity"  
Muttered the dark haired teen while his eyes left aside their bored look and usheated a cool and lethal sharpness.

It might have been only me, but for a second I saw Lancer's face freeze. What happened next was a flash:

the first thing I saw was Hikigaya, emotionless as usual, throwing violently his laptop at Lancer.

"A move free of any purpose"  
I believed as Lancer pierced the pc with a single movement.

Yet I had to change my opinion when my eyes noticed the dark haired teenager dashing at insane speed towards the blue man. From my position I couldn't hear anything but I was sure Hikigaya was muttering a spell as his left and right eyes turned in a pit of whiteness and blackness.

" he can do it "  
I thought full of hopes, before...

"AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH"

* _Crash (sound of an over confident teenager getting splatted on wall)_

all of them turned into dust.

"Ahaha that was a nice move kiddo you surprised me"  
Said Lancer surpassing me

" that's how you react...when someone surprises you?...guess nobody throws a surprise party for you uh?"  
Hikigaya whispered poisonous...I didn't know, but in my opinion taunting the person that was about to kill you didn't sound too smart

"Pffff nice reaction bozu, but it won't save your life "  
as I wanted to prove

"Really? Well at last I will go out as a badass"  
responded the teenager totally in the grip of a delirium forcing Lancer's spear inside himself.

"The fuck is he doing? He has gone crazy"  
I grunted putting even more effort than before to stand up

I felt so powerless as I was barely lifting up my body while my...friend, yes friend, had completely lost his mind, what he was hoping to do blocking Lancer's spear with his own body?

"That sick bastard!"  
I exclaimed as I realized that was his intent

 **-Dolor meus et fortitudinem-  
** Hikigaya said while a bit of blood came out from his mouth.

"A spell"  
I whispered as the left hand of the dark haired teen started to transform.

It happened pretty fast but I clearly saw Hikigaya's hand be covered in thousands of injuries: cuts, burns concussions and many others I couldn't identify, before turning in a pitch black claw.

"Emiya run !"  
He screamed blocking Lancer's arm

"you're joking..."  
I grunted finally obtaining a decent footing and dashing towards Lancer.

"AS IF I WOULD LEAVE YOU BEHIND IDIOT!"  
my brain screamed while I swinged with all my might my poster on Lancer's head

I refused to be saved again this night, I refused to be just a victim that had to be protected I wanted to be an hero!

... **yeah**

 **a  
** **hero**

* * *

*tun( sound of a Poster doing absolutely nothing)

"Oh for goodness sake!  
I meant run away, fucking moron"

"Gosh this sight is too pathetic bozu listen to your friend advice here, Start running I will finish him off and then chase you again"

"H-hikiga-"

"Go dammit!"

* _shit shit shit (sound of a limping auburn haired boy realizing that the gun plan was better than the poster one)_

* * *

"Fuck Fuck and FUCK again"  
I grunted limping in the back yard

Everything was wrong too damn wrong. I was supposed to be the one that sacrificed himself and let the other escape

"Dammit"  
I cursed slipping and falling on the ground

"AAAAAAAAAA"  
I cried as there wasn't a single part of my body that wanted to move

 **STILL I REFUSED TO END IT IN THIS WAY**

I was about half of the backyard I could still do it, I could still do it

"C...OM'N"  
I whispered sinking my left hand in the ground

starting to crawl like a worm towards the toolshed I felt my eyes sting, all my face was covered in dirth.

"Please please don't die yet Hikigaya"  
I started to use also my chin to move faster.

From outside my sight must have been pretty pathetic...no very pathetic, but I couldn't waste time thinking about pride or anything useless at the moment. I still had change of victory. I couldn't give up, I mustn't give up.

"get Kiritsugu's gun, get Kiritsugu's gun"  
That was the only thing I thought...probably in a small corner of my brain I knew all my action right now were meaningless, but when you had only a hope (dream) to grab to how was it possible to just let go.

"G...e...t Ki...r...i...tsu...gu's...ugh ugh...dam...mit"  
I choked in the dirt as Lancer appeared beside me.

"End of your run boy"  
the man whispered with a complicated expression.

 _*Thrust_

 _"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"  
_ I cried

It hurt God how much it hurt, my left leg had been pierced by Lancer's spear...but did it matter? I wasn't using them to move right now, it was fine **IT WAS FINE I COULD STILL MOVE!**

" **I...can.. go... further"  
** I whispered to none in particular ignoring the pain and keeping to move

"...You're really going to make me do it like this uh?"  
Lancer asked me using a bitter voice and rising his spear again

I was sure that this attack would have been the last one, Lancer had already played enough and now wanted just to conclude his hunt.

"WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAA"  
I roared desperate.

* * *

Everything was like in slow motion, Lancer's red weapon descending, my body rolling on my back and the poster I still held firmly in my right hand spreading

* ** _DWAAAAAAAMMMM_**

a blinding explosion engulfed my backyard as my brave poster managed to block a crimson spear, but paying the price of turning in a bunch of confetti.

"Pff you're really a piece of work, you know that"  
Laughed the blue man bitterly before kicking me with his super human strength

"uuuugggggggggaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"  
I moaned afflicted by an intense attack of motion sickness before crashing in the tool shed

(memo for me do not get kicked at speed sound anymore).

* * *

pipes, old domestic appliances, boxes and everything I had kept in order with maniacal care in that shed for years, in less than a second scattered around...

"mmm tha's what would have happened if I ever let in Fuji-nee for more than ten minutes"  
I darkly thought from the box I landed on as the whole scene in front of me embodied perfectly what this day had been for me.

A human sized arrow that suddenly destroyed years of precise unchanging order.

 **It was over, wasn't it?**

"Checkmate... that last move of yours was pretty surprising boy, still It's time to end this little game, you played well but you couldn't win from the beginning...it's strange though, both you and your friend thought fast with you feet, but none of you was nothing more than hopeless, you with your half-backed reinforcement magic and the other guy with...whatever was that claw thing I could feel his magic circuits pop all over his body. Maybe one of you were meant to be the seventh...Well even if you were it doesn't matter now, just stand still and let me give you a less pathetic death."

" ...Hikiga...ya"

"Who?"

"the other boy..is he d-d"

"death? No, not for now at least...he managed to sway my spear away from any vitals, clever of him, still he had already lost too much blood before even meeting me, I highly doubt he will survive more than, 3, 2,1 now"

FUCK

"Bastard..."

"yeah swear as much as you like kid...there is nothing left you can do now"

SCREW THIS

MY LIFE WAS SPARED

MY LIFE WAS SAVED

I COULDN'T DIE SO EASILY

I HAD TO LIVE AND FULFILL MY OBLIGATIONS

* * *

(Flashback)

"Oh for goodness sake!  
I meant run away, fucking moron"

"Go dammit!"

* * *

...

"who am I kidding, from the very start I couldn't save anybody"  
I thought staring at Lancer's red spear

"Maybe if I just gave up from in the kitchen I would at least saved one life"  
I continued remembering a small chess board that now none could play with me on

 **why it is over like this**

 **it can't be over like this**

(A/N Luck E)

(A/N Luck E*)

(A/N Luck E+)

(A/N Luck E#)

(A/N Luck E§)

(A/N Luck E&)

(A/N Luck EX)

 _ **BAM BAM BAM  
**_ Three shots resounded loud and clear; Three comet like violet bullet that rushed against the man that had already killed me once today.

 _twin twin twin  
_ the three projectiles exploded in a shower of sparks before touching Lancer

"OH COM'ON is it possible that bullets never works on the likes of yours"  
in the backyard...an annoyed voice erupted from outside it was like thousands of people whispering,

"Uh?"  
groaned Lancer slowly turning himself

"a life of convictions just turned into ashes, Bullets hurt people easy, why today this rule seemed to have stopped existing"  
the voice belonging to a humanoid being coated in black smoke and blue lightnings continued

"And now who are you"  
asked Lancer rising an eyebrow.

"would you believe me if I said I'm the pizza delivery guy?"

"...What's a pizza?"

"I see...I'm just an observer, this guy's death serves no purpose for the Holy Grail War, let him go"

"If I said No?"  
Asked Lancer parrying with his spear an obsidian tentacle coming out from the side wall.

"I'd convince you"  
said emotionless the smoke human...before he and Lancer disappeared in a sonic boom

* * *

What defined one's power?  
What defined skills?  
What defined genius?

I'd ask myself those three questions each time I met a wall I couldn't surpass, it didn't matter whenever the wall I was facing belonged to the magical or athletic field. I would always ask myself those questions.  
To be honest I never reached an answer...but if I had to picture it, it would be the scene before my eyes.

Two beings beyond human comprehension fighting against each other doing everything possible to win.

From the tool-shed the only thing I could do was watching a dark blue, silver and red line clashing against a black and electric blue one, two confused lightnings going on rampage in my backyard, they were so fast I could only see them clearly when they came in contact with one another.

 **BAM BAM BAM  
** I listened emotionless to countless sound explosions roaring a few metres from me as show I couldn't describe with words was on the stage.

I had to literally focus as much as I could to get a barely-clear vision of what was going on. From one side there was Lancer making use of all his prowess with his crimson spear and from the other side there was the mysterious smoke-man, who was keeping to create black and roughly shaped spikes, swords and daggers: they were made of some kind of obsidian crystal and even if they looked pretty sturdy, they could only clash one or two times against Lancer's spear before exploding into a thousands shards.

Looking from outside it was clear that Lancer had the edge in both power and speed, yet the smoke-man keeping his movements to a surgical precision level was enduring Lancer's merciless assault.

"Too slow"  
Shouted lancer suddenly speeding up and thrusting his spear faster than any human could... faster than the smoke man could dodge

* _ **swaaam  
**_ The crimson weapon pierced through the smoke man's left hand and came out from the elbow with a wet sound.

"Oh I was aiming heart, you have some nice battle senses Smoke, still this is the end for you scream while you still can"  
grinned Lancer

"...Nope"  
responded Smoke with his thousands voices.

apparently he was totally unfazed by having his left arm nearly mutilated, and instead of screaming, grunting or anything else he just whispered a few words  
" **you're going to scream".**

As soon as Smoke stopped to talk a dark flash erupted from his forearm, then hundreds black arms surged from his wound and rushed against Lancer. For three long seconds an unstoppable hurricane of obsidian fists stormed on the blue servant , who on the other hand stood still unwilling to lose the grip on his crimson weapon.

"Amusing"  
commented Lancer once the hurricane had ended while a little stream of blood was coming out of his mouth

"Magical defense...?"  
asked smoke annoyed not to have beat Lancer into a bloody pulp

"default ski- _*puf_ defaul- _*puf_ default skill of the Lancer cla- * _puf STOP ALREADY"  
_ inspired Lancer while several smoke tentacles kept coming out from the smoke man's body and continued to dissolve before they could land a hit.

"TSK worth try"  
muttered Smoke creating a dagger in his healthy hand.

It was incredible that dark man really didn't want to give up, with a snake like movement he moved his newly made weapon to stab Lancer's eye, yet the fearsome servant grabbed the black wrist of Smoke with ease before the blade managed to reach its target.

"So you aren't a servant after all... you're too weak to be one, yet I admire your guts "  
muttered Lancer tightening his grip until Smoke's wrist started to crack

I expected to see a fountain of blood starting to splash all over the place, but with my surprise only a dark mist came out.

"mpf"  
grinned Smoke with a silver smile visible even under the smoke cape he was enveloped into.

In a second, I saw all the black mist coming out from his wrist flow in the crystal dagger he was holding. Suddenly the small dagger's shape changed turning into a sword that like a lighting made of darkness fell towards Lancer's eye

"RGHA"  
grunted the spearman avoiding to have his left eye taken, but losing his ear instead.

"Tricky bastard"  
Lancer roared furious kicking Smoke away with all his might.

Having experienced on my skin what meant receiving one of those blows, I couldn't help but feel chills run on my back as Smoke crushed in the one of the lateral wall of the backyard, still with the sword in his hand and the spear embed his other hand.

"Ku Ku KU Ku I see the magical defense is only of level B, you are unharmed by my magic when it's not condensed or too little, but with the right quality and quantity. _I. CAN. HURT. YOU. AHAHHAHAHHAAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAH_ "  
Whispered Smoke with a voice not short from the epitome of madness.

"Just die"  
said the unarmed Lancer tracing with his index four blue runes in the air and thenshooting them as fire bullets

 **"Not yet"**  
 **-Pura ei tormentum-**

(pure agony)

Muttered the smoke man still stuck in the wall releasing barrage of obsidian bullets from all his front...they were crystral like agglomerates of condensed smoke

 _*Twooo_ _*Twooo_ _*Twooo_ _*Twooo  
_ Blew up Lancer's runes against Smoke's crystals

"He won, there's no way he could dodge them all."  
I thought staring at dozens of black comets flying against Lancer,

Yet my believes were proven wron as all the crystals one they entered within a metre from Lancer were deflected by a mysterious force and scattered all over my backyard.

"It's useless Smokey, you can't get past through my protection from arrows"  
grinned cocky Lancer, while a rain of black cystals was falling on the ground

Defense from ranged attacks and magic wasn't this blue dude unfairly safe from too many threats?

"ehehehehehehehehehheheheheheheheheheh is that so?"  
Retorted Smoke still stuck in the wall

"It seems I have to change strategy" **  
UIAM** **NIGRUM**

 **(** Black Maze **)  
** He screamed with his thousands voices.

Suddenly all Smoke's crystals that had falled on the ground started to grow like dark bramles turning the backyard in a maze of spikes. A true labyrinth built with a shapeless mass of black and sharp crystals

"ghaaa same trick doesn't work twice"  
grunted Lancer twisting in mid-air to dodge all the black vines incoming.

"It wasn't supposed to, I just wanted a bit of environmental advantage"  
Responded Smoke dashing out of the wall leaving behind only a crimson spear and his black sword that was now turning again into smoke.

(A/N recomend listening the 13 op of Gintama "Sakura Mitsutsuki" from the 58 seconds)

In a fraction of a second the humanoid being surrounded by a thick black mist began to run and turned into a lightning looking speed demon.  
He was so fast that I couldn't see his siluetthe anymore, my eyes were only able to follow a blinding line of light darting in the backyard dancing through the maze of crystal bramles.

I needed a moment to realize that the battle Lancer was winning across the board, had now changed its flow. The black maze Smoke had created was the perfect trap to limit Lancer movements and to increase the fighting abilities of Smoke that was currently using all the black vines in the backyard as rebound points to keep his movings unpredictable.  
Like a mad lightining he kept dealing an insane amount of blows against Lancer, who remained trapped by all those the black vines that kept moving to get in his way.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
Screamed Smoke...no more Lighting now, speeding up again

"uhg dah rrgg"  
Groaned Lancer while his face torso legs kept were hit at insane speed

"COME !"  
He then shouted to someone

"No not someone something"  
I thought seeing his crimson spear fly towards him through the black maze like a red rocket

" NOT SO FAST!"  
Roared Lightning drop kicking away the weapon in mid-air before it could reach his Master

"pff this bait always work"  
Grinned Lancer dashing towards Lightning.

unleashing an unheard of brute force the blue servant broke through all the black bramles in his path, crimson streams of blood started to run across all his body, yet he didn't care, in that momemnt he only had eys fro his prey.

"YOU'RE OPEN!"  
the spear-man screamed moving his fist to punch with the same power of a tank Lightning

"that makes two of us"  
Responded Lightning receiving the devastating blow on his right shinbone.

 ***CRACK *PASHH  
** Two distinct sounds responded in the backyard, the first was the noise of Smoke... I mean Lightning's right leg's bones shattering, while the second was the sound of his left heel smashing against Lancer's face.

To be honest I forgot to breathe when I saw the humanoid being covered in smoke and lightnings, tank Lancer's punch and use its power to perform a spinning left heel kick

"DAMMIT!"  
cursed Lancer crushing against the last untouched lateral wall of my backyard.

"ahh ahh awaaaaaa"  
volubly responded Lightning shamefully landing on his back on the ground.

"do...not...go...bersek"  
he muttered beginning to throw up blood on the soil beside him.

Lightning, Smoke or who ever he was had reached his limit, I could see it; the lightnings of mana around Smoke's body now were nothing more than a few sparks and all the black crystals maze he had created was turning into smoke. Besides Lancer's last attack had left quite the mark...I just say I nearly threw up when I saw the bloody pulp Smoke's right leg had turned into.

"No get up, get up "  
I grunted seeing my nearly-saviour defeated on the ground

"Double Origin"  
suddenly said Lancer stuck in the wall

"now I remember how your breed is called Smokey, Double Origins a bunch of narrow minded people able to perform only spells related to a precise concept with No matter the lineage little mana reserves. At first they are all so weak and useless that they fall behind even against the most mediocre conjurer..."  
The servant continued breaking free from the wall and reclaiming his red spear.

"Yet once they understand that they're different from other mages, once they realize that their power doesn't come from mana, but from somewhere else, they can grow enough to become a threat even for a creature like me"

*clan *clap  
clapped his black hands Smoke still lying on the ground

" ahahahahaha Nice!, you seem to have done your homework! That's right Double Origins like me have a defined amount of power confined in a different dimension, we can make that power grow forever, but it's up to over low mana reserves open a breach in this world's reality and let us materialize our magic, that unless normal magecrafth is only controlled through mind and body... Magi said it has side effects, But I DON'T THINK SO, **YES I THINK SO, _No I tHink AHAhaHaHaHAhAhAHAHAHAHAHAH_** "  
exploded Smoke in a mad laugh...I guessed that double origin had its fair share of side effects

"pff you must be an incredible human to have endured a fight against me this long...I could feel it, all your magic circuits were constantly exploding and regenerating, because your magecrafth is too strong for your body and those bracelets around your wrists ahahah, your muscles had kept tearing and re-sewing together. It's almost amusing see the state you have reduced yourself into"  
grinned Lancer slowly moving towards Smoke

"fuck "  
I thought angered as all my body still felt numb and insensible

I knew I had to do something or another person would have died in my place tonight, but what could I possibly accomplish in my state?

"dammit"  
I bit my tongue while all my impotence condensed in a few tear drops...why was I so weak!

"ahhahahahaha you think my state is funny you should have seen yourself without magic resistance! That would have beeeeennnnnnn Funny You Knooooooowwww"  
Started to say Smoke with the tone of a maniac covering the entire ground of the backyard by a black mist.

"Why it would have been funny ?"  
Asked Lancer vaguely puzzled advancing in the mist while his magical defense avoided any of that magical black veil arrived closer than fifty centimetres from him.

"because I'd first messed up with your reflexes, and now let's be honest, when you go at you maximum speed the only thing you see is a bunch of colour stains: the only way you had to avoid all my blows at blank point range was by using insane reflexes. So using my black mist I could have switched your feeling of pain from the left to right side and defused the pain from one spot to multiples ones ahahahahah AM SO SMART!"  
Explained Smoke nearly black from his black smoke

"So you plan was fooling my senses to make me favor the most injured side of my body and letting you strike the same spot until it turned in fatal weakness: for example keeping to hit my wrist in order to damage a ligament, consequently making unable to perform properly parries and then...Damn you're a scary one"  
Responded Lancer realizing he avoided a dangerous situation.

In a moment Lancer began to nervously tap the tip of his spear on the ground, Listening to his own words His face twisted in an expression I couldn't quite read, it was a weird mixture of fun, relief and curiosity...he was like me when I went to see sharks at the aquarium for the first time.

"They were cool, mysterious, scary and harmless from behind the tank"  
I reminded before I noticed a black tentacle of smoke entering in the tool-shed and crawling towards me.

"But Smokey do you really believed a cheap trick like that could have defeated me?"  
Asked the blue man while the black tentacle had reached me and begun to heal my wounds.

"...wow"  
I muttered amazed as breathing didn't hurt anymore and my limbs returned to move, but then my forearms began to tickle and then burn.

 **before I knew it six words were engraved on my skin.**  
 **CRAWL**  
 **UNDER**  
 **SMOKE**  
 **ESCAPE**  
 **EAST**  
 **WALL**

"Of course not Lancer, it'd be stupid even think I could beat you with only a physical confrontation, sure... if not for you damn magical resistance I'd have made you see everything you ever feared, AND before saying "I fear nothing" or other similar bullshit just think about **Connla** "  
Said Smoke completely hid by his own black mist, while my eyes noticed a few long bullets on the toolshed's floor

"what did you just said"  
Froze Lancer

"Kukukukukukukukukuku I hit a soft spot didn't I? Connla your illegitimate son, the one you killed"

"DON'T SAY HIS NAME!"  
dashed Lancer stabbing the point where his opponent was...just to kill a bunch of nothing

"ahahahaha so easy to break, I can't believe it and I didn't even mention Fand the fairy you forgot to love"  
Smoke laughed from an indeterminable place, it was like all the mist in the backyard was talking with his voices

"RHAAAA"  
Roared Lancer tracing red arcs of death with his spear dispersing all the smoke in a three metres radius from himself.

"Ops maybe you remember her now that you're a servant, how sad Sétanta, or should I call you Cu Chullain, the hound of Culland holder of the cursed spear Gay Bolg...ahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahh I said GAY instead of Gàe"  
Smoke provoked the servant while his voices now surely came from west

"BASTARD I'LL KILL YOU!"  
Slashed Cu Chullain in blind rage through all the west side of my backyard

"What a breaking news"  
Retorted sarcastic Smoke nowhere to be seen.

It was incredible as a person so near to die could still be so shamlessly sharp. I could feel it through Lancer's voice, each word Smoke had said was more painful than any blow.

"and these how much pain have caused Kiritsugu"  
I thought holding a few origin bullets in my hand as the cuts on my forearms began to burn.

It was like they were ordering me to stop grabbing projectiles and starting to crawl already.

"I know, I know, these might be useful"  
I "conversed" with my cuts

"Yeah I saw he his bullet proof but I can...ehm stab him with these"  
I thought pushing all the origin bullets I had found in my pocket and starting to crawl under a thick blanket of smoke.

"COME OUT!"  
Shouted Lancer after having dispersed nearly all the smoke in the west side of the backyard...and I was barely halfway.

"dammit Shiro why you always go wasting the time people buy for you"  
I mentally cursed myself as mist statues screaming "Cu Chullain" started to rise around me and went in the blue servant's way.

"This is all crazy"  
I thought speeding my pace until I heard a noise.

no a voice humming a strange song  
"oh crap I made him angry, I made him angry, if only I had a spell to stop him, wait! I got it thehrhehhehehe"

 **senseris?**  
( _do you hear it?)_

 **senseris?  
** ( _do you hear it?)_

 **Hoc carmen est quod perdidi  
** _(this is the song of what you have lost)_ **  
**

 **Qui numerus est reliquerunt  
** _(this is the rhythm of those who abandoned you)_ **  
**

 **non revertetur quia olim meminisse  
** _(remember the past because it will not come back)_ **  
**

 **Relinquitur ergo quod accipit  
** _(accept the present because it is what you have left)_ **  
**

 **nunc convertat intuitum, ut in posterum  
** _(but now turn your gaze to the future)_ **  
**

 **et ego ostendam tibi quid quid  
** _(because that's what I will show you)_

"Okay...I really hope that was the thread of laundry to speak"  
I thought trying to ignore whatever that creepy humming was and focusing on more important matters.

LIKE SURVIVING.

Judging from the tiles on the ground there were still five meters between me and the wall.  
I just had to keep going on for other five meters, how difficult could it be?

* * *

A LOT THAT'S HOW DIFFICULT IT WAS

I could feel my heart trying to burst out of my chest. Just why? Why Smoke had to provoke Lancer this much! There wasn't a second in which I didn't hear the blue servant on rampage breaking something  
first my wheelbarrow, then the little fountain of the garden and now my flower vases.  
It was atrocious, I could accept losing Hikigaya, but not my winter flowers dammit! I had grown them with so much love... reinforcement magic...and not exactly legal compost, besides I could sell them for 10000 yen each!

"com'on Shiro your life first, then flowers ones, in Kiritugu's room there are still a few hundreds of those seeds for blue flowers, everything is fine" (the ones in fate zero)  
I repeated myself as I had finally crawled in front of the east wall of the backyard.

 **I could now escape!**

"Smoke bastard Come out and die as a man before I destroy the entire block"  
screamed Lancer while his spear was enveloped in a red aura.

 **Or not**

"BUT THAT'S CHEATING"  
retorted Smoke standing up a few inches away from me with a black sphere in his right hand

"He was right next to me!"  
I mentally screamed realizing he was trying to escape the whole time

Was he using my flowers as decoys? Was he so Ruthless? (A/N Shiro's multiple head traumas and blood loss allows him to have clear rational thoughts)

"Were you trying to escape? ...talk about pathetic, don't you now that each man must pay for his words"  
Growled Lancer as he readied to throw his spear charged of mana

"Like a contract?... every day the first five hundred words free and then 5 yen each? or... **LAST** **SECOND REINFORCEMENT START** "  
said Smoke speaking like a fool and then dashing as a bullet of lightning towards Lancer, way faster than he had been through all the fight up until now.

Pushed back by a boiling hot gale I only had a moment to see my creepy ally run into Lancer's crimson weapon launched at the roar of

" **GAE BOLG!** "

There was no way he could avoid that blow this time it was really over

 ** _*PAWWWWWWWWW  
_** An explosion resounded in my backyard as the Gae Blog stuck Smoke's chest with a red flash

"ugaah"  
he grunted grabbing the spear with his left hand while from all his body towers of smoke were rising up into the sky.

"Don't even bother to try healing, an heart pierced with the Gae Bolg can't be saved "  
said Lancer with an evil grin on his face.

"don'...t...eve...n ...tr..y he..s..ays"  
Responded Smoke with just a single dry voice.

It was strange, but I lost my breath when I heard him sound so human

"a...n h...ea...rt...th..at...can't...be...healed he says"  
Continued Smoke while the black mist surrounding him was absorded by his body slowly ... revealing

 **a screaming silver skeleton**  
" AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA BUT I DON'T HAVE AN HEART RIGHT NOW"

"what the fu-"  
Tried to imprecate Lancer yet he couldn't finish his sentence.

because the skeleton rose his right hand and shot the black sphere in it while all Smoke's thousands voices resounded once again for one last spell.

 **RESONARE AUTEM MEMORIAS  
** _(echo of memories)_ **  
**

with a _*TWWWIIIIIUUUUUUUU_ sound the black bubble bursted enveloping Lancer in a black mud like substance

"Dah"  
Roared the blue servant struggling against that shapeless mass of blackness.

unable to do anything else, I stared with grotesque splendor at Lancer being completely imprisoned in a dark orb chained by eight horizontal rings of light"

"...Cu Chullain, You were strong enough to defeat me... but have you got the power to defeat the regrets in your past?"  
Whispered the silver skeleton taking out from his ribs the cursed spear and falling on the ground

"So is this the end?"  
I asked to my saviour slowly standing up.

I needed a moment to find my balance, after all my legs felt still weak from my encounter with Lancer and to be honest, I already thought it was a miracle I was able to remain on my two feet after the stab I took.

"For now, my spell is pretty tough, but I doubt I can keep it on for much longer. Boy... now you'd better run to Fuyuki's church as fast as you can, there you ask for protection and be safe, or at least safer than you were before"  
the skeleton responded turning his skull towards me.

"just...who are you?"  
I said carefully stepping towards Smoke, Lightning or how ever he wanted to call himself

"I'm Number Zero and from now on you owe me one"  
Zero answered looking at me with his empty eye cavities

"...yes"  
I nodded aware that I would have died tonight if he didn't have shown up

"Good, now grab this and start running"  
he threw at me an half-carbonized bracelet with a small blue stone on top of it

"What is it?"  
I caught the object intimidated

"An amulet filled with reinforcement magic, with six of these I kept up with Lancer, but something shortcut in this one during the fight, so there is still a bit of mana inside it. Say GOTTA GO FAST and your legs will be empowered"  
he answered rolling in fetal position

for the first time since I saw him there was little to nothing smoke to cover his body, so I was able observe his clothing: he was just wearing a pair of tored black pants, while the rest of his body were a bunch silver bones kept together by tongues of black smoke which seemed a disgusting rip-off of the Ghost Rider.

Staring at him I felt my guts twisting in guilt: skull,femurs, radius, tibia, sternum, 5 ribs and 8 vertebrae, a complete assortment of bones Zero cracked and broke protecting me...

"why am I always the one protected?"  
I bit my tongue averting my eyes from Zero.

* _Fuuuuuuu  
_ I deeply inspired in order to calm down

"...Thank you, but what will you do now?"  
I said wearing the bracelet and... feeling it more heavy than it physically was.

"me?, ahah I will keep the spell going for a bit and then escape"  
Laughed the skeleton

"I see..."  
I muttered, seeing through his lie

Zero wasn't going to escape, probably he wasn't even able to move anymore, he was just keeping his spell on until he just fainted or worse.

"Another person dying in my place uh? Well Fuck all of this"  
I thought expressionless grabbing the Zero and placing him on my shoulder like a wounded soldier.

"Wa! Emiya! BOY What are you doing?"  
softly punched my back the skeleton

"I'm taking you with me, I'm not letting you alone just to save myself"  
I responded starting to move

"you are totally discarding my noble sacrifice here you idiot...oh fuck"  
he insulted me while his limbs suddenly stopped to move

"What?"  
I asked " **slightly alarmed"**

"run... run you... moron, I... have no mana left"  
he whispered while a thin layer of flesh was starting to appear on him and his conscience was fading away

of course I had only the time to realize what he just said before the world decided it was time to kick me between legs again!

"SSSSSSMMMMMMOOOOOOOKKKKKKKEEEEEE!"

Using an angry demi-god perhaps ...truly wasn't I lucky?

"This is officially the worst day ever!"  
I exclaimed since...

it was only the sentence I could express without breaking into blasphemy.

(original script "that son of a ç$%£&/° with a &%°$£ as a father and %&/&& £$32%&%$ for face")

* * *

(Meanwhile the rescue team)

"Archer why you keep going left! we have been going in circle for five minutes! TURN RIGHT NOW"

"Yes Master... _dammit Lancer you have one job_ "

"Did you say something?"

"No Rin... _why is Lancer taking so long to kill a teenager?_ "

* * *

"WAAAAAAAAA WHY I HAD TO SEE THOSE MEMORIES? I HAD TO KILL A SINGLE TEENAGER! NOT EVEN FIGHTING ARCHER WAS A TORMENT SUCH AS THIS!"  
shouted Lancer in rage breaking out from his prison (...that had lasted like two minutes?)

Staring at his face I couldn't see anymore the proud warrior that had taken my life, I only saw a beast with: an ear half tored, gritted teeth, veins pulsing on his face and bloodshot Keyes  
To me Lancer looked like he had been stripped of all his sanity; I could feel it in each of his breaths, they were like filled of a trebling agony and from his eyes malicious crimson tears were coming down forming some kind of tattoo.

The blue servant was probably still accusing some effects from Zero's spell, apparently he hadn't even noticed me, so listening to my survival instincts I started to move little by little towards the east wall trying to avoid to make any noises.

" _rìastrad suppres the_ _rìastrad"  
_ Lancer put his hands on his head while the red tattoos under his eyes slowly disappeared.

(A/N the rìastrad is the battle frenesy trade mark of Cu Chullain that makes possible to compare him with the bersekrs warriors...standing to wikipedia)

"just keep walking, keep walking Shiro-kun"  
whispered all the inanimate objects in the backyard.

I knew it was probably just an half baked part of my brain doing its work poorly, but it was only thanks to those tiny voices that I avoided to just keep staring at the blue servant being enveloped in a blaze of purple mana...

"maybe I don't need a psychoanalyst after all"  
I dared to think reaching the gate of salvation, a.k.a. the hole Zero made crushing in the wall.

Unfortunately

"Stop"  
a red spear flew beside me...just when I thought I got away with it.

"you couldn't just go away right?"  
I asked delicately putting Zero on the ground.

"you have to keep going eh?"  
I slowly turned hardening my amber eyes in Cu Chullain's red ones

"Oh? that's rich coming from you bozu, if you had died the first time I could have spared myself all of this"  
responded Lancer visibly tired and angry, yet still with a grin on his face

damn if I hated that grin.

"Listen since this whole killing you has gone way past my expectations I will offer you a deal: you give me that smoke bastard and I will spare you"  
said Lancer pointing his hand towards Zero

"mmmm really"  
I responded staring at my saviour, that had now lost his skeletal appearance and now looked like a swollen teenager.

his face seemed familiar but there were too many bruises and the nose was crooked, so I couldn't quite understand if I knew him or not.  
Upon hearing Lancer's words I had immediately decided to refuse, still wasn't I just throwing away all the efforts Zero made to save me? Zero had already made up his mind to sacrifice himself for me in the first place and at this point I couldn't escape from Lancer, that was for sure.

"I can accept and sacrifice his life and save myself, or refuse and die together with him"  
I whispered putting my hand in my pocket grasping all the origin bullets I had put in.

"That's right, or one dies or two die, there isn't much to think about RIGHT"  
Lancer said tightening his fists

"yeah there is NOTHING TO THINK ABOUT **TRACE ON** "  
I screamed letting out all the rage I had bottled up this night

Up until now I had just run, run and run again, I had tried to fight just to Fuck everything up, but this wasn't about winning or losing anymore, it was about doing what I felt was right regardless if it wasn't smart or the best option.

 **This Night Wasn't Over Yet And I Still Wanted To Protect Everyone I Could.**

Letting flow all the Mana I still had stored up in my magic circuits, I started to apply projection magic to all the bullets, electric arcs of power danced around my right hand lighting up the words engraved in my forearms. Words that had ordered me to escape now symbolised my burning desire to fight.

reacting to my magecrafth the ammo that contained a part of my latter father mold into one.

"You really don't now when to give up brat"  
said Lancer observing me draw a roughly shaped stiletto from my pocket

"I take that as a compliment"  
I responded reversing the grip of that giant sized bullet.

it was curious as this strange weapon with its weight and bronze handle filled with explosive powder relaxed me, it kinda reminded me Kiritsugu's hand.

"Be sure to not regret your choice brat because it's to late to change you mind"  
said Lancer readying a direct right.

"I won't"  
I fixed my eyes on my enemy

" **LAST** **SECOND REINFORCEMENT START"**  
I said repeating the words Zero used.

Suddenly I felt pervaded by a shock of energy, as I expected those three words were a command to bring forth a last explosion of reinforcement magic. All the Mana left in the amulet Zero gave me ran through my muscles enchanting their power and then as if it was the most natural thing in the world I charged at Lancer.

For a moment all the world around me turned in a confused mess of colours, my ears closed and I felt my muscles rip apart, it was incredible how Zero had endured five of these things. At the speed I was moving I couldn't see Lancer clearly so I just swung my stiletto in a wide arc aiming to the blue stain in front of me.

"Now please don't dodge and just block the blade, I know you like to feel superior Lancer and toy with me **so just Grab the damn blade!** "  
I begged in my mind while my thumb was ready to press a primer at the bottom of my weapon.

"Nice try"  
Cu Chullain commented stopping my stiletto in mid-air.

Due to its nail like shape Lancer didn't even bothered to grab my wrist he just blocked the blade bare-handed, exactly like I wanted.

"Yeah you too"  
I said before pressing the primer and igniting all the gun powder inside the handle.

 ***PAAAAAM  
** Exploded my stiletto sending sharp bronze shards in my right hand and sending the long tip out of Lancer's hand

"AHH"  
he grunted as the conglomerate of bullets left a bloodied line on his left palm.

I couldn't help but grin like a mad-man and taste every instant as I saw Lancer grit his teeth in pain, it was really good being on the other side of the knife for once.  
 _*tunf_  
with a deaf sound I fell on my knees drunk of a mixture satisfaction and sadness.  
Now it was really over, yet if I had to die now I was sure I'd done everything I could...sure I felt like crying at the idea of leaving this world behind without achieving my dream, but damn if looking Lancer holding his pulsing hand in pain wasn't pleasant.

"Here I have lost and I will die once for good"  
I whispered more to myself than anyone else.

"Bastard"  
Roared Lancer calling his red spear and moving to stab me

" STILL LANCER REMEMBER THAT WOUND WHEN YOU WILL PAY THE PRICE FOR KILLING PEOPLE LIKE ITS NOTHING"  
I screamed with all the voice I had left in my lungs, facing without blinking the death itself.

everything was going to end that was my FATE...yet as my left hand shone in a flash of red light an armored woman came at my aid;  
With an invisible slash she saved my life and rewrote my destiny

apparently I could STAY alive another NIGHT. "

"grha, the seventh servant!"  
growled Lancer pushed away by a mysterious wind before disappearing in a cloud of blue particles.

"It appears Lancer has been summoned somewhere else."  
commented the tiny woman who just saved me giving me her back

"saved thrice...today was really both my luckiest and unlikiest day ever uh?"  
I chuckled finally free from Lancer, while that woman slowly turned towards my face.

She was probably the most beautiful being I ever saw, a painting that combined the pure golden hair and emerald eyes of an angel, with the straightforwardness of a knight.

 **"Now then I ask you.**  
 **Are you my Master?"**

* * *

(FUYUKI'S CHURCH)

"Welcome back Lancer"

"Master!?... I see you used a command seal"

"I conveyed it was the case since. the seventh servant was summoned and... *smirk you aren't in your best condition"

"screw you"

"Now then why don't you report me the events of this night, I'm looking forward to hear a nice story"

"you know...you're pretty insane Master"

"Insaniy? Is that how you perceive my excitement for new variables in this war"

"No is how I perceive that smugging smile on your face, I can see you're far too pleased by something"

"the wound on your hand "

"come again"

"you wanted to know what please me, the wounds on your hand, I recognize the energy coming from it..."

"So?"

"So an old aquitance of mine might appear in this war...and the thought *grin electrifies me"

"Sure..."

* * *

(SOMEWHERE IN FUYUKI)

" After ten years your plan has finally started Avenger...I'm curious to see how the pieces you have prepated will move, try not to bore me, none has ever survived the wrath of the king of heroes"

" **Believe me you won't be disapponted Ghilgamesh, now take a sit"**

 **THE HOLY GRAIL WAR HAS BEGUN**

* * *

 **EXPLANATIONS CORNER  
**

a few notes. For those who missed it... Zero is the teenage 8man. I hope you all remember that in the prologue I wrote about 8man Oroboro's tattoos: he had Angra Mainyu wrote on his back and the number Zero on his front.  
In fact every member of Oroboro has in fact got a battle name they choose and a number that rappresent when they joined.  
in Hachiman case he being the founder took the number zero and choose the name Angra Mainyu due the fact that his strength lies in pain and negativity so ALL THE WORLD'S EVIL.  
To keep up with Lancer 8man used the amulets intoduced in the prologue, plus a powerful drug that will appear in future chapters.  
In regard of the skeleton form our protagoinist displayed, it's a transformation that occurs whenever 8man's magic goes out of control, like it happened in the prologue.  
Still it has to be said that 8man didn't just tanked a gae bolg and survived out of luck, he already knew about the cursed spear's power so 8man let his magic go on rampage and turn him into a heatless skeleton.

And lastly the new spell he used RESONARE AUTEM MEMORIAS (echo of memories) it's another reality marble spell that has the power to block positive memories and loop bad ones. The purpose is to break someones mind, but in this case it nearly triggered an alter trasformation for Lancer

* * *

AND THAT'S IT FINALLY I WROTE THE DAMN 8MAN VS LANCER AND THREW IN THE GAME SABER, I HOPE YOU LIKED THE CHAPTER, I TRIED TO PUSH SHIRO FURTHER THAN EVER, MAKING HIM QUESTION HOW MUCH GOOD HE ACTUALLY DOES FOLLOWING BLINDLY HIS IDEALS AND REFUSING TO BE JUST THE SAVED ONE AND NOT THE SAVIOUR.

AS ALWAYS THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO FOLLOWS THIS STORY AND BE READY FOR THE **HEIRESS I** CUZ RIN NEEDS SOME SPOTLIGHTS


	6. The Heiress I

***I DON'T OWN A THING***

ATTENTION RIN MIGHT BE A LITTLE OUT OF CHARACTER

* * *

THE HEIRESS

There were many things I wanted to try in my life: McDonald, Burger King, playing guitar, touching my nose with my tongue, slapping Luivia's chest until turned into nothingness, buying a Sephora palette for cosmetics, holding the holy grail and say "AH I'm the fluffing best"... and other teenage stuff

Being princess carried by a hero from legends, wasn't on the list of things I wanted to try, nor I ever expected to live the experience itself, but WOW.  
I loved the feeling of the wind kissing my face, the starry sky above my head and the strong arms of an hot gu-...a fairly attarctive guy with a built that intended a conspicuous amount of physical training holding me...

Sure the whole thing could have been more pleasant if my mindset had been different from "OH GOD SOMEONE IS GOING TO GET MURDERED" and "ARCHER WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR A SNACK"

 _Bbbbbblllllrrrrrrrrrrr  
still on a second thought_

* * *

"... mmmm I love chestnuts, Okay Rin my girl let's think what can happen when we arrive: 1 we find Emiya-kun already dead...again, 2 we meet Lancer and Emiya-kun, we save him and Hiroshima Lancer one for all, 3 everything is fine and we were just being paranoid"  
I thought flying with Archer across Fuyuki eating a few emenems

"4 we stop to that McDonald, have some Mc nuggets and forget about the dumb-Emiya guy"  
my servant told me telephatically leaping on a roof.

"Don't pry in my thoughts Archer"  
I mentally responded trying to sound as cold as possible.

"yeah sure, it would be a pity waste another command seal"  
he retorted with a smug grin

"don't tempt me Archer"

"okay okay, still, sure about McDonald? I saw how you were looking to that boy's happy meal"

"OH SHUT UP!"  
I exploded in furious blush...damn that stupid tease

" **ein Weg** " (one way)  
I muttered using a spell to temporarily, to modify the mental connection between me and Archer.

Now only I had the power to transmit thoughts, meanwhile the douche could just listen.  
I really couldn't help but smile at the idea of an annoyed Archer keep shouting to cover the sound of the wind just to say something like "We have nearly arrived my master" ahahahaha... if I was lucky something would fly in his mouth.

I just needed to wait for Archer to say something.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"any moment now"

"..."

Dammit why didn't Archer speak already? And why was he keeping to turn left?

"Com'on Rin, just remain calm eventually Archer will try to tease us a little more an then BAM sweet revenge"  
I told myself observing my servant keeping to eat emenems.

yet I noticed something strange...

"Hey Archer why do you keep eating only the blue and red ones?"  
I telephatically asked puzzled by the lil'quirk of my servant

being picky on food wasn't he? Well maybe it was a good sign: a symbol of his memory coming back.

For a long moment I waited for an answer,constantly keeping my eyes fixed on Archer's face, the seconds flew turning into minutes and the only reaction of Archer was his features tightened into a frown.

"why is he taking so long, is his memory coming back?"  
I thought expectant to hear my servant answer's, until I realized something...

"Ah! By the way Archer I cut our mental connection you have to speak with your mouth, if you're trying to say something I didn't hear a thing"  
I communicated while a thin smile surfaced on my lips

"WHATHHHH EHM EHM EHG"  
Shouted Archer surprised just in time to have a fly fly in his mouth

"YES REVENGEEEEEEEEHHHHH EHM EHM EHG"  
I Roared proud of my accomplishment...just to suffer the same fate of my servant.

"ehw! is this the taste of a fly it's gross! God if it's gross! it's like pepper and garlic"  
I thought disgusted.

Half choking I, the proud Rin Tohsaka, started to tap my chest realizing a terrible truth...the insect was still moving in my mouth! That was too grrrrooooooooooossssssssss, I had to spit it away.

"Okay I can do it, Rin just relax"  
I told myself suppressing the urge to scream.

"On three"

"one"  
"two"  
* _gulp_

 _"_ thr...FUCK!"  
I screamed in my head interrupting my mental counting

"Oh God I eat a bug! It's, it's...actually better than I imagined"  
I thought while Archer's chest started to shake.

"Uh?"  
I rose my gaze puzzled by that action.

With confusion and curiosity I stared at my servant puffing his tanned cheeks, barely able to hold a laugh back.

"Oh no...Did you saw everything?"  
I telephatically asked biting my lower lip.

*nod

.. Oh it was perfect! As my already undisciplined Archer needed other things to tease me with, like the poster of Edward Callen under my bed wasn't enough.

"it was just a phase dammit!"  
I whispered reverting the mental connection between me and my servant back to its original state.

" **Rundreise** "  
(roundtrip)

"So how did it taste?"  
mentally greeted me that white haired devil with a smile

that perfect shining smil-AAAAAAAAAAAhhhhh

"awful"  
I retorted sealing back my hormones.

Oh the situation nearly turned bad, very bad. Fortunately the self created Tohsaka Rin's Rule number 16 "Puberty is not a Magus thing" kicked into gear saving me from a land of no-return.

"Archer we will never talk again about this"  
I communicated to my servant with a "voice" that didn't accept buts.

"Sure... but I would remember this moment if I were you, after all insects are the food of the future"  
he "told" me speeding up his roof-running

"Are you seriously making a joke out of this?"  
I asked trying to convey a: REALLY? with all my facial features.

"Yeah...a joke...it's not like I'm speak out of experience and have endured a Entomophagic diet until the revolution of ham started"

"Sureeeee...just to be safe no more National Geographic for you for a while"

"Master, I believe it's appropriate to say you're being unfair...by the way the answer is because they remind me of something nice"

"What?"

"The reason why I only ate Red and Blue emenems"

"Your memory coming back?"

"I don't think"

"I see...Archer Didn't we already passed that kid eating an happy meal five minutes ago?"

"...nnnnnnnoooooo"

"...WE HAVE BEING GOING IN CIRCLE!"

* * *

"Okay here we are"  
said bitter Archer after landing in a small street

"GEEZ WE HAVE FINALLY ARRIVED! THANKS FOR TAKING THE LONG ROUTE ARCHER"  
I exclaimed furiously slipping out from my servant's arms.

Kicking my feet on the ground I started a mad rush, keeping my light blue eyes fixed on a single thing: a huge Japanese styled maison

Why this week wanted to screw with me so badly, first I summoned an Archer instead of a Saber and Shinji-creepy Matou asked me out...how disgusting. Then the transfer student, Hikigaya, nearly fooled me pretending to be an ordinary human and tatarata great final the only friend of my sister died in front of me.

"GOSH If the boy next door dies again I have made Bingo at the lottery of failures, I already wasted my most powerful gem to heal him the first time"  
I dashed across a tiny street in Fuyuki's residential district while my red coat was fluttering in the wind.

"Rin this isn't your burden to bear"  
Said Archer remaining immobile in a barely illuminated corner of this block.

his face was unreadable a complete mixture sadness, disgust and...nostalgia I'd say.

"sorry, but after what it cost me to save him, I'm not about to let him die"  
I gritted my teeth.

the Mana in the air was in fomentation, not even when Lancer fought with Archer there so much energy was flowing around...DAMMIT ALL THIS!

" Archer, Lancer's here, be ready !"  
I said telephatically readying a lapis filled with light magic.

if I managed to stun him even for a second Archer could get a clear shot and maybe, I repeat maybe, this night and my gems won't end up wasted.

"WAIT RIN, I'm sensing more than one servant"  
Screamed in my brain Archer

"... WHAT!"  
I shouted turning towards him.

Another servant! that totally reversed the list of risks- benefits, I carefully calculated. A new servant with unknown class and skills, if he or she turned out to be hostile the whole situation could turn from bad to horrible in a matter of seconds.

"RHAA"  
Roared a feminine voice behind me.

"Speaking of the devil"  
I thought as my field view was filled by a blonde woman swinging...nothing?

"Master!"  
dashed Archer moving me away.

Summoning his twin blades he engaged the new servant in a sharp and deathly dance. Orange and fiery sparks flew in the night like hundreds of tiny fireflies, as always a battle between servants was breath taking still to me it was clear: the two heroic spirits in front of my eyes were barely showing any of their real skills, all their movements were sure precise, but they lacked of killing intent.  
This "fight" the two servants were having... it was nothing more a conversation, a way to test the opponent's power.

Unfortunately the test's result seemed to tend in a precise direction: Female Servant with invisible weapon prevailing over Archer.

"She... she must be the Saber class servant"  
I thought petrified on the asphalt.

This was the worst scenario possible, Archer was a long range fighter, Saber a close range fighter and Archer couldn't obtain distance from her because I was in the way thus...we screwed up.

"That's what I gain for being merciful...I should have never let emotions get in my thinking process"  
I whispered aware that or a miracle arrived or the price for my actions...was going to be pretty salty.

I had to come out with a plan quickly... I could run away then teleport Archer with a command seal and escape...No it would mean lose another command seal and have Archer fight Saber for too long.

"Why fortune never helps me."  
I grunted rising my arm in order to unleash a storm of Gandrs.

I knew that the spells at my disposal were pretty much useless against a Saber's magical defense of level A, but if I aimed correctly my black orbs I could create one or two blindspots for Archer to exploy, yet before I turned in the magical equivalent of a minigun the miracle I ordered a few minutes ago arrived.

"SABER STOP!"  
screamed a voice I recognized

"OH God it can't be him"  
I thought blinking repeatedly

"Are you mad, Shiro, I could have defeated them handily, yet you ordered me to stop."  
responded the blonde woman paralysed on the spot.

"Oh dear it's actually him"  
I mentally palm-faced undecided between being reviled or utterly disappointed.

Did I really saved the life of an other master without obtaining something first? Archer was going to annoy me until I snapped, geez I could already hear him "Nice work Master, thanks to your timely intervention, we now have still six masters to deal with".

Yet I forced my self to see things from a different perspective, I believed something good could still be obtained out of this situation.

"if I chose carefully my words and use my a bit of charm, I'm sure can get a proficient alliance out of this...Emiya Shiro uh? He summoned the Saber servant so he must be a competent Magus"

"Hold on Saber, there is no time for an other fight and I still don't understand anything about this, if I'm your master you should at least fill me in"

"Or maybe not"  
I thought as the universe sent a punch of injustice right into my guts.

Did really a casual high-school boy summoned a servant from the most powerful class of Holy Grail War OUT OF LUCK!

"Oh this is bullshit"  
I whispered standing up filled with a boiling anger.

"Rin...I know what you're thinking and please don't"  
Archer telephatically told me, probably trying to avoid my...anger issues had the best of me

"Fine"  
I responded forcing my facial muscles to contract in a smile.

one breath, two breaths and I was ready to play the diplomatic. I had to sound confident, controlled and since I was sure Emiya-kun was a M, maybe a bit sour.

"Ah, so that's how it is my good novice Master"  
I said with amused voice forcing my way in Emiya-kun's and Saber's conversation.

suddenly a pair of golden and emerald eyes were fixed on me with intensity. I could feel them square every inch of my body

" Com'on Rin you can do it, open the diplomatic path"  
I told myself keeping my strong facade and tilting a bit my neck, boys couldn't resist it.

"For starters, good evening , Emiya-kun"

* * *

"Wow this house is too cold"  
I exclaimed following Emiya-kun inside his habitation.

The whole hallway was invaded by an arctic breeze, brrr I had goosebumps. Why in the Rooth Emiya's house was so wickly icy? Couldn't he turn on the heating system or something!  
Still leaving aside the temperature problems of this house, the hallway was a mess! Overturned furniture and ripped piece of paper walls were scattered all over the place.  
If I hadn't been sure it was Lancer's doing I'd said Emiya-kun had thrown one hell of a party.

"So what do you want to know?"  
asked the auburn boy turning his face towards me.

for a moment my blue eyes fixed in his golden ones, I had noticed some times ago: Emiya-kun had a nice pair of eyes, they were: smart, bright and gave off a somewhat warm feeling, yet right now I saw none of those things.  
Emiya-kun's stare was empty, cold, it was like I wasn't even in his field of view.

"...for starters what happened here"  
I said pointing my finger towards a broken windows and a few stains of blood on the floor.

" some collateral damage from when I got attacked by that Lancer guy"  
he responded with a dark chuckle

"Wait. you fought him on your own until you summoned Saber"  
I said appaled, turning towards the knight woman who was watching my back.

"No...I wasn't on my own and it was more like a one sided massacre"  
Emiya-kun responded moving his stare on a wall of paper completely broken down

suddenly I felt my lips dry and the urge to move away from the hallway...Oh no

"Emiya-kun what...happened?"  
I whispered forcing a few words out of my lips

 _*gulp_

 _"..._ When Lancer arrived there was also Hikigaya Hachiman with me...Lancer...well I don't think you need other words to understand happened"  
The boy said clenching his fists until his knuckles turned white.

"Fuck"  
I muttered biting my lips

In a second my ego was nearly split into two, one part of me felt guilty for having arrived too late, while the other was just taking in account the death of someone as numeric factor.  
To be honest I wasn't sure what bothered me the most.

"So someone really had to die tonight uh?"  
I thought bitterly.

my actions had saved a Shiro Emiya's life, but indirectly lead to the death of Hikigaya Hachiman, it was sad

 **yet I couldn't feel bad.**

Hikigaya Hachiman was an unknown factor I would have eventually had to deal with.  
Shiro Emiya was a person I couldn't let die.  
And the traumatic events Emiya-kun went through this night could be used to manipulate him into dropping out of the war.

So there was no need to be bothered...it wasn't my fault, I didn't fail anything or anyone, I was just acting like a Magus.

"it **was** n't my fault"  
I told myself on the verge of starting to tremble.

"Shiro I don't want to sound rude, but..."  
suddenly spoke Saber sticking her head in the paper wall's hole

"But what, Saber?"  
asked Shiro staring at his servant a bit puzzled

"Did your friend meet his end against Lancer in this room?"  
said the servant puling her beautiful face out of the wall

"...Yes why?"  
responded uncertain my school-mate

"There's no body"

"Wait what?"  
I said confused

I know it was supposed to be Emiya-kun's job to ask that question but...

"Afsh ...wh..ftsfs...wh-at?"  
the Shiro. exe program had stopped working

 _Dlin Dlon_ **  
**the doorbell rang out of nowhere

"Pizza delivery!"  
a voice shouted outside completely ruining the shocking revelation moment.  
OH really! Shouldn't someone invent a "DO NOT DISTURB" cartel that starts to glow whenever a cool stand-off moment is going on already!

"INCOMING!  
EMIYA IF YOU'RE NOT DEAD MOVE YOUR ASS THE PIZZA ARRIVED! where's my wallet?"

* * *

Did you ever felt like the universe itself was trying to mess with you?  
well I know for sure I had that feeling when in front of my eyes Hikigaya Hachiman, a.k.a the person I thought had died literally twenty seconds ago entered in the hallway of Emiya's household limping on his left leg just wearing a pair of tored pants and bunny shaped slippers.

I mean it was like the world had gotten up today and had said "I'm going to turn Rin Tohsaka's day into a roller coaster of fights, random deaths and revivals"

"goddamnit universe if you had to turn my life in an episode of Drangonball at least you could have let me summon a tailed alien capable of blowing up planets on his own "  
I thought having reached the limit of my ability to accept oddities

Archer talking to his swords when I wasn't looking was thing, but what happened to Hikigaya was way too weird to accept: where did his frail looking torso and curved back went? How the hell were they replaced by a muscular and straight chest covered in a web of cuts and scars? Did Hikigaya Hachiman had a twin brother that worked as a personal trainer for razor spiders?

I hated those creatures: when I was a child, Kotomine Kirei, my legal guardian kept a few of them in basement and they spent all their time cutting into pieces my teddy bears...Bastards!

"H..Hikigaya, ahah I guess I can't get rid of you so easily"  
Muttered Emiya while a strangely captivating grin started to sprout on his lips...why was it familiar?

"Oh good you're here, give me your wallet, I had mine in my pocket while I was patching myself up and is all gory... I don't tell you how the money inside looks like"  
Hikigaya-kun said waddling forward and holding a bottle in his hand...completely ignoring Saber and I.

"Sure, I'm starving...you survived in the end uh?  
responded Emiya-kun over casually...

why was he taking it so casually! A second ago he thought Hikigaya was death and acted all gloomy! Now there was no happiness, joy or any other emotions that appear in movies in similar situations! Just what kind of rotten relationship had these two guys?!

"yeah still kicking, not thanks to you by the way,...the next time you have guests like the blue dude please tell me first, I'll go to find an hotel for the night"  
retorted the dark haired teen gulping down the liquid inside the bottle.

"It wasn't like I invited him you know. Plus you have a few questions to answer and...is that the spirytus I use to knock out Fuji-nee?"  
said Emiya-kun relaxed while a few veins started to pulse on his forehead.

"okay, okay, I will answer your questions, but I also have a few of them myself, first of all WHY THE HELL THERE ARE OTHER POTENTIALLY LETHAL GUESTS!"  
exploded Hikigaya pointing his index towards I and Saber

So he had noticed my presence after all, good, otherwise I'd made his existence a living hell, none ignores RIN TOHSAKA!

"Oh right meet my servant Saber and you should already know Tohsaka. Saber he is Hikigaya Hachiman"

"pleased to meet you Hachiman"

"no the pleasure is mine wait...HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET A SERVANT!"

"Saber a simple advice, when he starts to run his mouth imagine he's just saying numbers it makes A LOT easier to deal with him."

"OI hey I made a question harem protagonist of series C"

"Yeah so I did creep!"

"Aaaaaaarrrrrr it's impossible to deal with you! Yes it's your spirytus I had to disinfect my injuries"  
groaned Hikigaya before sipping a gulp of 96% pure alcohol.

"Wait are you drunk?"  
Asked Emiya the most stupid question possible

how could a person not being drunk from drinking pure alcohol, no the problem started before, How could a person drink pure alcohol to begin with!

"No I'm not drunk, just differently sober"  
answered definitely tipsy Hikigaya

"I see...Tohsaka, Saber would you mind go in the kitchen and wait for us to arrive with our dinner, Hikigaya and I have to **sort out** a little argument"  
muttered quietly Emiya-kun unsheathing a cold smile towards me and his servant.

"as you wish"  
Said polite and timely as usual Saber

"Oookay"  
while I responded more uncertain, taken aback by Emiya-kun's face

"That's new, I never thought mr handyman could act differently from stupidly kind and permissive... it feels weird, but also kind of refreshing. Emiya Shiro uh? Maybe there is more than I expected packed in you"  
I thought vaguely amused, by this unexpected situation.

"Thank you, it's the first door on the left"  
told us Emiya-kun warming his smile...did the hallway suddenly become hotter.

With small and careful steps Saber and I made our way in a plain japanese styled room. It was a close and domestic dining space, very different from the enormous and tidy dining room of my house.  
I liked the warm feeling this room gave off through all the signs of a familiar routine: a few posters scattered around, a black board with the chores turns and first aid case covered in blood...

"What did Hikigaya mean exactly when he said he patched up himself?"  
I thought a bit troubled by the amount of Red blood cells in my field of view.

"Shall we take a seat?"  
demanded Saber completely unfazed

"Sure"  
I agreed

"ehm miss Rin, I'd like to pose a question"

"yes?"

"Are you aware of the nature of the argument between Shiro and Hachiman Hikigaya"

* * *

 _*Punch_

"FIRST YOU MAKE ME THINK YOU'RE DEAD AND THEN YOU GO TOUCHING MY COOKING STUFF!"

* * *

"No, but I don't think it's anything serious"

* * *

"AND WHOSE FAULT IS IT! I DIDN'T ASK TO GET STABBED BY AN OVERSIZED SMURF ARMED OF SPEAR WHILE AN IDIOT KEPT STARING AND NOT RUNNING AWAY "  
*punch

* * *

"I see...are they comrades or friends?"

* * *

"GOD! Pause you got my nose, damn it hurts, I think it's broken...ouch yes definitely broken"

* * *

"Probably? I'm not actually sure, they seem completely different people"

* * *

"Okay Emiya Listen to me, hold your nose between your hands, like this look at me, yeah okay, now straight it up with one movement"

 _*snap_

* * *

"interesting"

* * *

"RRRgHHHH is my nose all right now?"

"ehhhmmm a bit too towards left maybe? come here"

 _*punch_

"HOLY SHIT"

"now it's perfect, like anew, no need to thank me"

"Fuck you"

* * *

 **(ten minutes Later)**

"hey Emiya can you give me a napkin?"

"here, mmm what did you order? "

"an ultracheesy"

"wanna trade a slice?"

"hell no I chose this pizza because it was the one I wanted to eat, not the one I wanted to trade"

"damn if you're annoying"

"So are you two going to explain what happened here or I have to guess it on my own"  
I asked massaging my nose bridge in front of a cup of green tea

It was completely disarming, these two guys had kept eating their dinner for the past five minutes like nothing was wrong in the world...did they forget how close to dying they were less than an hour ago!  
Without counting that after Emiya-kun and Hikigaya "sorted out" their argument they have returned in the kitchen with all their faces swollen.

"okay let's see, Lancer arrived, beat the crap out of me, then sent me flying in Hikigaya's room"  
Began Emiya-kun between a slice of pizza and another

"A defined flying object a.k.a Emiya landed in my room, followed by a blue dick, who impaled me...mmm I could have chosen my words better, eh where was I? Yeah then I got stabbed and screamed to this red haired idiot to run"  
continued Hikigaya remaining attached to his bottle of booze.

"How is he not in alcohol coma already?"  
I thought in mixture of disgust and scientific interest

"Hey Hikigaya, aren't you forgetting something?"  
Asked the golden eyed teen throwing a sharp stare to his...friend? No...no...acquaintance

"Oh yeah, how silly I forgot to mention I survived, found Emiya's smartphone on the floor, here by the way, and ordered our pizzas while someone was screaming GAE BOLG outside"  
responded Hikigaya forcing out a smile dripping of murderous intent.

hell if it was creepy, I would have bet a shark's grin was less disturbing than this one.  
I didn't know if Hikigaya Hachiman planned to pass unnoticed, but the "SHUT UP EMIYA!" message he was trying to convey his sharp teeth, kinda reached all the people in the room, actually Saber that had spent all her time silent in a corner of the room, seemed ready to jump at the aid of her Master.

"oh perfect I was wondering where it was...wait you still didn't explain how you survived!"  
Said Emiya totally unfazed by Hikigaya's fangs."

"...Luck"  
the dark haired teen tried to respond

"Oh you really think you can bluff your way out? I know you are a Magus"  
I said condescending resting my elbow on the table

"I see...what gave me out?"  
asked with an unexpectedly lucid and sharp Hikigaya Hachiman

"except the timing you arrived in Fuyuki, your appearance, your circumspect attitude in my presence and the fact you survived the spear of a servant? Nothing"  
I shrugged

"Oi 3 of those things doesn't have any ties with me and being a Spell caster"  
the dark haired teen retorted annoyed

"Wait so you knew Tohsaka was a Magus"  
entered the scene Emiya with one his always clever questions

"Dah? She drips out of mana and has got the surname of an ancient Magus family how could I not know... Wait you didn't ? Oh geez are you really this much out of the world Emiya? Not knowing about Tohsaka It's like saying you expected me not to hear all your imprecations in the middle of the night when you train (and fail) with your magecrafth."  
responded Hikigaya rising an eyebrow

"Y-you heard?"  
shook a bit Emiya

"Dude you were like a wood cutter who chopped down his own hand, I wouldn't be surprised if the entire block knew you're a Magus by now. Besides...I'd wash my mouth with soap if I were you"

"Okay guys please you can chitchat all you want later, now we have business to deal with"  
I reclaimed their attention

"What happened seriously Hikigaya?"  
I asked drawing a small mana symbol under the table.

it was ANSUZ the rune of truth, a simple spell that emits a little mana wave when it detect a lie, disappearing in the process. If I remeber correctòy it was of the third runic spell I learned. Per-se it wasn't difficult to cast or draw (literally three lines), but Ansuz due to his purpose had to be as stealty as possible: not something always possible. Still I was confident in my skills thus nobody in this room would notice the rune until it was activated.  
I didn't trust Hikigaya and I wasn't allowed to even leave him the chance to deceive me, I wanted the truth.

"Nothing different from what I said before, Lancer stabbed me, I used a spell to slow him down, Emiya finally started to use his brain and Lancer left me bleeding to death in my room, after that some kind of magical black smoke appeared and healed my wounds enough not to be life threatening"  
Explained the boy while my rune stayed still.

"a smoke shaped spell that heal wounds odd, all the healing spells I know have got light attributes...mmmm must be the work of a servant, still I think I heard from someone about a smoke able to close wounds...urg I can't remember who it was. Okay black smoke questions later, I have to keep looking at the matter currenyly under hand"  
I thought analysing all the information

"Why did you omit that before?"  
I asked sharpening my voice.

"because someone saved me tonight and if this Holy Grail War will make him find you in his path, I hope he wins. Giving you less information as possible it's the only thing I can do right now to help him"  
Responded Hikigaya brutally honest decreasing the contents of his bottle again

Geez this boy was really a dispenser of free hatred and spite, how could Emiya-kun bear him?

"I see..."  
I retorted to the jerk unfazed, peaking at the rune I placed under the table.

It was still there.

"Damn he must have noticed it"  
I thought aware Hikigaya had chosen all his words too carefully

 **For the past week Hikigaya Hachiman had been a tiny and annoying ring in my head: a reminder that unknown threats could hide anywhere.**  
 **I didn't know him, I couldn't read him and that made him dangerous.**  
 **but**  
 **most important he was hiding something**  
 **and that made him even more dangerous**

"well I'm done here have fun, I want to sleep"  
Said the dark haired teen standing up from his seat leaving on the ground his bottle...now completely empty

"Wait where do you think you're going?"  
I retorted grabbing his arm.

Damn it was more muscular than I expected and...the mana flow inside it was weird, really weird: if the mana inside a normal magus was like a river, Hikigaya's one was like a light rain, no something more soffused, mist for example.

"to sleep, I said it like now... can't you see I had a long day?"  
the Hikigaya pointed a crimson mess of skin and strings near his belly button

"are you a Master?"  
I asked leaving him no way to escape.

This was the moment of the truth, a direct answer to a direct question: that was the only option Hikigaya had.  
if he tried to beat around the bush it was like admitting he was a Master and if he tried to lie ANSUZ would activate

Hikigaya Hachiman had no way out and he knew it.

No matter what he did the whole "I'm an innocent bystander" bluff was going to be called off.

"No I'm not"  
 _*Sound of Rune doing nothing_  
unless he was an innocent bystander to begin with

"tsk all smoke and no roast"  
I muttered disappointed to have wasted time and energy doubting of someone not related to the Holy Grail War.

"Today I was really fated not to accomplish anything useful right?!"  
I thought letting out a deeeeeeeeeep sigh

"Happy now miss prodigy?"

"Actually no, I still don't trust you"

"nor I do, so that makes us even... Still I if was a Master, what would you do Tohsaka? Kill me without thinking twice?"  
Asked the boy leaning forward with the sharpest stare I ever saw in my life

"Yes"  
I answered glacial before _*twiinnn_ ANSUZ the rune that reveals lies activated

"...W-what? I didn't lie...right? Discarding mercy to achieve victory...didn't I made up my mind already?"  
I thought unable to breathe properly.

"pff maybe you're still a decent human being...interesting. Well I'm out you three have fun"  
grinned Hikigaya freeing his arm and moving to leave

"Hey I still have questions for you"  
butted in Emiya-kun

"yeah but none cares because they'd be stupid"

fair point

"eeeeh? How can I be sure you didn't lie when you said you aren't a Master just now, seems a clever question to me"  
Retorted the auburn boy definitely confirming Hikigaya's statement

"Oh no...you didn't even noticed the rune...not even all the plot armor in the world can make you survive this Holy Grail War"  
palm-faced the tipsy dark haired boy

"that's mean I guess? can you define plot arm-"

"God! Let's put it in this way: I'm not a Master because if I was I'd have already killed you three times"

"no, you wouldn't "

"Pardon?"

"you're not being honest, wouldn't kill me or anybody else"

"and why do you say so?"

"Being the judge, the court and the executioner? Too many risks, Too many consequences. Not your style."  
Responded Emiya-kun fixing his eyes in Hikigaya's ones

"Ah! Everyone likes to run their mouth today... but I guess you're right, I'm more likely to cut off your tattooed hand; making you disappear would be too much of a pain"  
Concluded the dark haired boy limping on his left leg out of the kitchen.

"Hikigaya one last thing?"  
spoke again the red haired Master

"What do you want Emiya?"

"Here, I forgot to give it back to you"  
Emiya-kun tossed to Hikigaya some kind of charred bracelet.

"mpf...thanks"

"to be clear tomorrow we will speak again and we will reach the BONE of the matter"

"...as you wish, horrible pun by the way"

OKAY...what the hell just happened **, IS THIS MALE COMPLICITY?**

" and Tohsaka, I bet you have already guessed it, but I'll tell you the same to avoid unnecessary doubts, my magic circuits are the **spider's web type** , having a familiar would be a suicide for me.  
spoke Hikigaya Hachiman one last time as he left the kitchen for good.

* * *

"Archer...you still on the roof?"

"Yeah"

"Give me a pro con list about blowing up this house right here, right now"

"Pro: Take a Master down, take a servant down, take a possible foe down. Con you remain for sure involved in the explosion, the force field of the house will warn the people inside of my incoming attack and if Saber unleash her noble Phatasm quickly enough I'm pretty much done for, she'd been keeping her guard high all this time, If I start charging an attack she will notice.

"Okay remain on stand by and I want your eyes on Hikigaya don't lose him for a second, Master or not he is too much of a wild card to leave him to his own business"

"as you desire but Rin..."

"what?"

"Do I have to really keep watching him, even now?"

"yeah why?"

"he is currently throwing up in the backyard"

"you're an heroic spirit, can't you withstand a gross sight for a moment, he's just expelling the massive amount of alcohol he drank."

"Rin first it's not just gross, it's incredibly gross, and second what he's expelling it's like a combination of pizza, blood and a weird blue liquid... Oh God, not on the flowers not on the Flowers!"

"Fine do as you want don't let him do anything strange, besides it's winter he won't resist the cold long in his "minimal outfit""

"Oh it's freezing the thing that came out from his mouth it's freez-"

" **ein Weg** " (one way)

* * *

"disgusting disgusting disgusting disgusting why you did this to me Archer?"  
I thought squeezing my eyes unable to erase a disgusting picture in my mind

"Toh...ka"

"Just what the hell's going on with the people in this mansion?

"Tohs...a"

"They're all too weird and relaxed given their situation and their unpreparedness to it"

"Tohsaka"

"What?"  
I asked staring the direction where an annoying voice came from

"interrupting other people thoughts, how rude"  
I thought while my eyes fixed on two amber orbs.

ah right, I was still in front of Emiya-kun.

"are you okay? You've been spacing out for the past few minutes"  
Asked the boy with concerned voice and look.

"ah nothing"  
I said brushing away his worries with a hand movement

"I just had to get over Hikigaya's attitude"  
I continued studying with meticulous attention Emiya-kun's face returning to normal.

mmm... he kinda looked like a puppy when he was worried and those golden eyes of his seemed to shine only for me.

"Good thing I never had puppies otherwise it'd more difficult kill you if you turn out to be a threat"  
I thought softening my gaze upon Emiya-kun and smiling a bit.

I wasn't acquainted too well with him, but Emiya-kun appeared as a fairly nice person, the kind of guy who never says no to someone in need of help, and despite his ignorance in regards of the Moonlight world he seemed a smart guy: so I just had to choose my words well, make him realize the dangers of the Holy Grail War and take him to Kirei in order to complete my plan.

aha, It was almost hilarious, **ANSUZ** was right, I couldn't kill a person without second thoughts, I had to think other ways that didn't involve death first... I was sure this will made the war harder for me, but I had the resolve to end a life, anyone who doubted it... had just signed his death sentence

"Com'on I have to be a bit more positive, I'm sure after tonight I won't have to deal with Emiya-kun anymore... and why not, with a bit of luck I might even obtain Saber, she look incredibly powerful and graceful"  
I concluded my reflection sipping a bit of green tea and peeking towards the knight woman.

Yeah I NEEDED HER!

"Oh yeah Hikigaya's really a piece of work, but don't worry he usually has all the best intentions...it's just that he execute them in the worst fashion possible"  
Said Emiya-kun voicing his thoughts.

"I see... by the way what did you toss him before?"  
I responded emptying my cup of tea.

"ah ehm oh... a present from his boyfriend he lost when Lancer arrived"  
snapped his finger the auburn boy

Hikigaya in relationship...wow the world was really a variegated plac-  
"Wait what! Is Hikigaya like that!?"  
I spreaded my eyes leaning forward

"Yeah, I mean totally, this house has thin walls and when it is night he's always talking about this Totsuka guy and how much of he's a pure angel or how he likes go on dates with him."  
Started to nod excessively passionate Emiya-kun

"mmm I didn't see that one coming"  
I commented

"Just listen to him singing under the shower: his falsetto will clear all your doubts"  
retorted Emiya-kun clenching his lips to avoid laughing.

"the more I discover about him the more I'm confused"  
I laughed covering my hand with a hand.

"that makes two of us"  
He said with a long sigh.

we remained in silence for a bit, and as the time passed the light mood we created in the room turned heavier and heavier. There were still many things both of us had to ask and to answer, try to delay the unavoidable was just a waste of time, so I'd better take the lead

"Emiya-kun please tell me what happened after you left Hikigaya's room"  
I asked putting a bit in order my twin tails.

"..okay, after Lancer stabbed Hikigaya I was...running away, of course it wasn't like I had any real chance of escaping it was just Lancer that wanted to play a bit more, my wounds eventually got the best of me and I couldn't move anymore, Lancer arrived and skewered me here and there"  
responded calmly the auburn boy... maybe a bit too much calmly.

he reminded me of a machine as he spoke so emotionless about a close death experience, sure there was also the possibility he was still metabolizing the whole thing but...I don't know the whole thing sounded wrong in my hears.

"then you summoned Saber"  
I hypothesized making two plus two

Lancer was killing Emiya-kun (again), Saber was the only being able to stop Lancer and Emiya was still alive, didn't take a genius to figure that out

"Actually no"  
Retorted Emiya-kun concurrently throwing out of the window my deductions and obtaining an interest gaze from saber

"Then what happened ?"  
I asked definitely not annoyed by having made a mistake

"Remember the smoke Hikigaya mentioned before, the one that healed his wounds... well the man who controlled it arrived to rescue me and fought Lancer, I didn't have the chance to see him too clearly but, he was some kind of skeleton enveloped in a black mist "

"It might have been the Assassin servant"  
Said Saber interrupting her silence

"Right I have read that all the Assassin servants summoned in the previous Holy Grail wars were always members of the Hashshashin, the ancient persian sect of assassins...their outfit was a black cape with a skull mask..."  
I agreed with the blonde knight woman

Yeah there was definitely feeling between us, she was definitely going to become my servant, great personalities attracted each other...well I just hoped she wasn't some kind of battle maniac, in that case she would stick with Emiya: one night and he had already met half of the servant in this war...I couldn't and wouldn't try to beat such a feat.

"No... he wasn't wearing a mask he literally a skeleton and...even though I still don't know what a servant exactly is, Lancer said he wasn't one"

"Pardon?"  
"Pardon?

"calm down you two, I'm the most confused among us but, standing to Lancer's word the skeleton, that introduced himself as Zero, was not a servant but a...Double Origin, do you know what does it mean?"  
said Emiya-kun with staring at me with determination

"Well Origin is the starting point that defines one's existence and directs one's actions throughout life. It is the driving force that comes from within the Root that has managed to stream out of the Source and take on material form. Under the system of Magecraft, Origins are used to describe precise details about a magus, while Elemental Affinity indicates one's general alignment. Magi with an Origin that is strongly expressed outwardly are sometimes removed from the normal alignments and there are times that the origin itself becomes the alignment. Most of those magi exhibit their talents as extreme specialists, allowing them to potentially reach higher grounds than normal magi. Even those without an Elemental Affinity are sometimes still capable of casting spells simply by following their Origin. When a Magus's origin and allineament overlap they're called Double Origin and their powers are even more specialized, yet they are extremely rare and let's be honest a modern Magus facing a servant in a one on one battle sound pretty ridiculous"  
I gave a text book explanation.

"Well ridiculous as it might sound I saw this man go against Lancer, sure it wasn't a fair fight, Zero really pulled out a bunch of disgusting tricks but...he a mere human being faced Lancer and survived...I want to know...how did he attain such power"  
Emiya-kun spoke with trebling voice.

I could feel in his words a dense mixture of admiration, fear and...jelausy did Emiya-kun desired power so much?

"I don't think I can provide you a satisfactory answer, after all there aren't many data on Double Origin: they are the exception among the exceptions"  
I carresed my chin watching Emiya assume a pensive expression.

A potential Master with the power of facing servant, I couldn't describe with words how bad the situation could become.

"okay Tohsaka...still from what I saw, Zero is a Double Origin Magus with powers particularly suited for combat. He kept creating some kind of black smoke able to heal wounds and condense into crystals, doesn't tell you something, really anything "  
Asked the auburn boy with a sharp and cold voice.

It gave me chills, it was like winter wind came out of his mouth instead of words

"rrrhhh I repeat I don't know, I never met a Dual Origin before and it's difficult to do any conjectures without witnessing that Zero guy's powers first"  
I retorted annoyed, really Emiya stop pressing the wrong buttons... I hated admit I didn't know something.

"Fantastic now I'm sure I won't sleep tonight until fill this gap in my knowledge...UHG I will pass an entire night on books. I swear if get eye bags, Lancer will be the last of your problems Emiya-kun"  
I thought tapping my fingers on the table rhythmically.

"...you okay Tohsaka?"

"YES I'm perfectly fine, do I look different from perfectly fine!?"

"...ye- I mean No, of course not"

"Good, now leaving aside Zero, Lancer matters, How much do you know about the Holy Grail War and the servants?"  
I asked returning to the topic I had mean to talk about from the beginning.

"ehehe"  
Laughed nervously Emiya-kun staring first Saber then me

"Actually ...what's the Holy Grail War?"

"...you gotta be kidding me... WHY DIDN'T YOU ASKED IT BEFORE!?"

"Tohsaka calm down, don't throw the cup DON'T THROW THE CUP!"

 _*crash_

* * *

"Okay to be blunt you have been chosen as a Master"  
I said with a thin smile while Saber was bandaging Emiya-kun's head after a cup of tea...slipped from my hand. Okay it didn't exactly slipped, but could anyone blame? A person shouldn't be so casual talking about matters such as a mystical war fought by legendary heroes!

"have you noticed a brand somewhere on your body?"  
I asked professional

"You mean these ?"  
Responded Emiya-kun pulling up the sleeves of his school uniform now reduced to little more than a bunch of tatters.

with careful movements my golden eyed school mate revealed six words engraved on his forearms, CRAWL UNDER SMOKE ESCAPE EAST WALL.

"Uh they have already healed"  
he commented studying his scars.

" She was referring to the command seals, Shiro"  
said Saber stopping to treat Emiya-kun's head and moving towards his hand.

"...t-this red tattoo"  
responded Emiya reacting weirdly to the touch of his servant...was he blushing? Oh he was!

"the one that Hikigaya said he would cut off"  
he continued freezing his expression while a sweat drop formed on his temples

"ehm...hehe Tohsaka-san please keep talking"

Oh! Finally! some survival instinct had started to kick into gear, it was to make a low class magus out of this war.

"Yes those red tattoos mark you as a Master, they are also spells to control your servant, so as long as you have those, you can control your servant"

"That's why your friend mentioned cut them down, it is the way with least bloodshed to eliminate a Master from the war"  
muttered Saber returning in the corner of the room while taking from the table a cup of green tea

"I see...and I doubt Hikigaya can be defined as my friend"

"Emiya-kun focus, we have already lost too much time, Command seals are absolute orders. They force your servants obedience even if it means bend their will. Saber broke off her attack before, remember? However you only have three absolute orders, try not to waste them. If you use all of them you'll probably be killed, so again be careful using them."

"So...in this war Masters have to compete against each other...right?"

"You can say it like that. There are seven Master each with one servant. Once only a Master Servant duo remain they will win the Holy Grail, wich can grant any wish."

"...is the Holy Grail that Holy Grail, the cup touched by the blood of Christ, the one King Arthur and the knights of the Round Table searched?"  
asked the Red haired boy spreading his eyes amazed

"ehm ehemehmehmeheemhem"  
Meanwhile his servant started to cough madly over her cup of tea

"Saber! what's wrong was the tea too hot?"  
reacted immediately Shiro losing his attention, again

"no it wasn't the case, I, I..I'm not accustomed to the taste of green tea, I have always drunk black one in my life"

"I see, do you want me to brew some for you"

"I respectfully decline, and don't worry Shiro this tea is very delightful, I was just caught unprepared for the new experience"  
said the servant blushing a bit (Dear God she was adorable!)

"Oh yeah don't mind me, it's not like I already spent half of my evening here wasting I don't now how much time!"  
I thought observing the Master servant interactions.

taking a deep breath I collected myself and continued the speech

"No the Holy Grail it's not the actual cup. Long story made short you have been dragged in a magical ritual, one called the Holy Grail war, fought by seven Masters, a death battle among Magi"  
I spoke cold like an ice dagger.

I wanted to pierce through Emiya-kun, with my words, I wanted him to become scared and insecure, I wanted him to drop out from this war.  
Unfortunately my hopes didn't find fulfillment: everything I said wasn't shaking Emiya on contrary...it was steeling him. His eyes were growing stronger brighter like embers that are ready to set off a fire

"...Tohsaka what the hell are you saying"

"I'm simply laying out facts, you should know it better than me, after all you nearly died twice alrea-"

"I'm not talking about that! I'm talking about that tattoo on your hand I'm talking about the fact you consciously joined a death battle between mages"  
Emiya-kun erupted as his eyes shone like burning flames

"excuse me?"  
I retorted confused

"are you saying you got dragged in this like me?"

"NO I'M NOT THAT STUPID! I KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING "

"really isn't more stupid entering in a death battle than being dragged into it?"  
Asked Shiro running his mouth like an impertinent ignorant teen

"wh-what do you think you know? besides what's the reason do you even care!"  
I retorted livid.

how dared he to worry about me, me! Between the to of us I was the one that knew what was going, I was the one with a kickass family crest and advanced training. Why did he think he could judge my choices? I wanted to know what was running in Emiya Shiro's empty head.

"Do I need a reason?"  
Emiya responded with a voice crystal clear

"Yes, No, God I can't understand who's more troublesome between you and Hikigaya!"

Damn I didn't know how to react, Shiro was so naively pure he disarmed me! Why the people in this house had to be so honestly kind or jerkish, it was annoying. why couldn't I deal with some superficial idiots it's way easier!

...why was Emiya-kun so silent?

"..."

"..."

"Emiy-"  
I tried to call him

"Tohsaka, retire immediately that last statement"

Oh he was offended by being compared to Hikigaya...well I guessed that's fair, but I had no intention of apoligizing

"yeah whatever, the point is: you are part of this Holy Grail war now, the grail has granted you a servant to fight in this war, think of her as a Familiar"  
I continued ruthlessly ignoring Emiya complains

"She doesn't seem much of a familiar to me"  
he said after eyeing his servant and was it just me or he studied her chest for quite a bit

"it was an example Baka, she is actually a superhuman, an hero from legends"

"Saber is that true?"

"yes Shiro"

"So I really fought (A/N got beaten into a pulp) by the true Cu chullain the irish demigod!... that's... that's awesome I have to create a dish with potatoes to celebrate! Saber, does she like potatoes, what am I asking everyone likes them. I can do a sup, then some fries, a flan and for irony sweet caramelized potatoes on a spit! Are you guys in the cupboard ready to aid me?...perfect!"  
Erupted joyful Emiya before realizing something

"Ara?...did I say everything out loud?"

"Nooooo dumbass" was what I was about to say but

*blurrrrrrr

*blurrrrrrr  
my and Saber's growled making any other word useless.

"I'll take that as a yes"  
Responded Emiya going to fetch some snacks...I still had some emenems with me though

* * *

The next hour of that night, went on pretty calmly, I kept explaing Emiya-kun about all the unbelievable threats of the holy grail war and discovered quite a precious information: Emiya couldn't supply mana to Saber, she was sustaining with her mana her own summoning.  
(ehm ehm Grail-kun can you again explain me why didn't I get her, instead of this damn red haired hack!)

"all right I will still push for with the plan: FEMALE KNIGHT JOINS MY CREW and the janitor moves out of the way...and if (in a remote possibility) it doesn't work Saber will eventually grow weaker and weaker. I'll win it's just a matter of time "  
I thought hiding my amusement behind the cookies Emiya kept bringing

Truly, he was probably the most hopeless magus I ever met, but he really knew how to cook! The biscuits were awesome, an harmony of dried and dehydrated fruit...geez I didn't want to imagine how many calories I have had tonight

"Probably I should do more push ups than usual before going to sleep. "  
I thought fighting the impulse to eat more...

it was pretty difficult

Fortunately for me before my hand developed its own consciousness and started to stuff my mouth with delicious caloric bombs, Saber claimed all the biscuits on the table with a storm of quick movements  
she kinda reminded me of a squirrel as her cheeks started to inflate.

"hell just how many biscuits she can swallow at once!?"  
I muttered astonished

"So ultimately, I'm a Master, Saber is a hero, you are a master and the red man with you"  
said Emiya-kun in low voice like he was weighing every words

"Archer"

"is a hero too and we are all part of a death battle"

"yes "

"and I thought Fujinee's inability to get a boyfriend was the most troublesome thing I would have the displeasure to deal with...that and the stains of saliva Hikigaya leaves on the floor"  
He smiled a bit.

probably he was trying to overlap ordinary facts of his life on the impossible situation he was put in: A simple way to accept the reality bit by bit.

"oh now I understand where that suspicious colored spot came from"  
I responded playing to his game.

I needed him to remain as calm, but aware of the dangers he was going to face. I didn't dare to imagine what could happen if he freaked out with Saber ready to follow his orders.

"Oh that I had tried to clean it for three days!"

"pff I can see you doing it... Emiya-kun I told you what I could about this war, but you have to receive more detailed information from the man who overviews the whole ritual"  
I said standing and moving to grab my red coat

"there's an overviewer?"

"yes he knows everything about the Holy Grail War. I'm sure you don't want to remain forever ignorant"

"no of course but you want to go now? It is really late"

"So you won't go? Too scared to have a moonlight walk with a pretty schoolmate? Well if that's your call okay, what about you Saber "  
I teased Emiya-kun

of course he immediately took the bait and stood up blushing furiously.

"Eheheh too easy."  
I thought

"Don't go around saying things like that, and leave Saber out of this, don't try to strong arm her"  
he said flustered, ooh he was kinda of cute all red and embarrassed.  
Again thank God I never had a puppy

"Oh so you really think like a Master...you don't want me talk to Saber"  
I covered a little my smug face.

"Why would I care?"

"ahah I love when everything progress forward as I want"  
I told myself while Emiya-kun tried to regain his composure avoiding to make eye contact.

"Anyway Saber is an hero from the past right? So she won't be able to make a sense out of the modern world"  
My schoolmate outlined a fair point to back up his reasoning.

"this isn't true, Shiro. Servants adapt themselves to whatever era they're summoned in, as such, I'm quite familiar with this time"

"Really?"

"Yes after all this is not the first time I've been summoned in this era"

"No way! What are the odds"  
I intervened in the speech

"Well, Rin where are we going?"  
the servant totally ignore my question

...I forgave her only because she was awesome.

"the church in new Fuyuki...Emiya-kun you're coming or not?"  
I said opening the kitchen's door

"Okay you win just let me change from this bloody uniform and remeber Hikigaya to not touch my stuff while I'm away...ehm Tohsaka just one last question: How are masters decided"

"Well or you specifically try to summon a servant or the grail chose on its own, I think with a combination of meritocracy and how much willing to fight you are... Why do you ask?"

"I was wondering why I became a Master instead of my annoying roommate, after all he knew about the Holy grail war was and it's probably more trained in the use of magecrafth than I'm"

"I'm not sure, but I guess it's because of his magic circuits"

"pardon?"

"remember, he said it before, Hikigaya's Magic circuits are of the spider web type"

"...let's say for hypothesis I don't know what that means"

"geez you're hopeless Emiya-kun. You are aware than magic circuits are similar to nerves right?"

"yes and in base of the number and the quality of their magic circuits Magi have more or less mana and power"

"precisely, now spider's web magic circuits are a rare mutation that make all the magic cirucits in a person's body divide and divide until they resemble more capillaries than nerves. Can you imagine what this leads to, don't bother to answer. It leads to the creations of individuals with an immense number of magic circuits of the lowest quality; They're extremely susceptible to all the variation of the Mana in the air and, unlike normal Magi, they're able to release mana from every part of their body. The problem is that every magi with spider-web magic circuits haven't got much Mana and the use of any type of magecrafth is extremely difficult and dangerous for them to perform"

"Why?"

"Because they need to focus to insane levels in order to direct the right amount of Mana in every single magic circuit, otherwise...they literally fry, I wouldn't be surprised if all the scars Hikigaya has, were caused by his magic running out of control. Taking control of a familiar and create a magical contract makes a person's magic circuits more unstable than usual...So for Hikigaya Hachiman... it would be like suiciding himself. "

"So he wasn't choosen as a Master because..."

"He knows becoming one would lead ot his death

* * *

 **AND IT'S OVER THE HEIRESS IT'S FINALLY OVER IT TOOK A MONTH AND MHE THE PLOT MOVES FORWARD, WITH THIS CHAPTER RIN FINALLY ENTERS IN THE MAIN CAST.**

 **IT COULD BE DISAPPOING THAT AFTER SO LONG THIS CHAPTER IS SOME KIND OF FILLER, BUT I WANTED TO GIVE A FEW INFO SUCH AS WHY WASN'T 8MAN CHOSEN AS A MASTER AND MOSTLY WHY HE WAS REJECTED BY HIS FAMILY OF SUMMONERS, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY I WANTED TO PUT SHIRO IN A POSITION OF ADVANTAGE, SINCE HE REALIZED 8MAN IS ZERO AND THAT 8MAN DOESN'T WANT RIN TO FIND OUT.**

 **AS ALWAYS THANKS FOR READING REVIEW AND BE READY FOR AS MUCH JOJO'S REFERENCES YOU CAN IMAGINE WITH "THE HOMUNUCLUS"**

 **SPECIAL GUEST YUKINOSHITA HARUNO**

* * *

HOLY WAR THREAT LIST

MASTERS Servants

Sieg A++ Assassin (8man) S+

Illya A+ Berserker SS

Rin A Archer S+

Kirei A++ Lancer S+

Shiro C+ Saber SS

Shinji C Rider S

Soichiro B Caster S- (with bounded field S++)

Assassin (Koujiro) S-

Ghilgamesh SS+

Bonus

Hachiman- (?)

Nijito - (?)


	7. The Homunculus II

**FINALY COMPLETED CHAPTER**

 **AND SO FOR THE LAST TIME THE SAME HORRIBLE FRIDAY BEGIN ONCE MORE FOR THE THIRD PROTAGONIST**

* * *

THE HOMUNCULUS II

aaaaahhh nights of peaceful sleep: a familiar well-being that heralds a beautiful day. It was such a pity I have never had a peaceful night of sleep for the past nine years because between my heart, my servant and Madoka Magica all my dreams could have put on the run Freddy Krueger.

* * *

" _Angra Mainyu to all the squads in the areas B and D retire, Clock Tower has set an ambush, repeat Clock Tower has set an ambush. All the other Squads within the area A provide cover, I'm talking to you Dynamite I want you to set fire to the rain"_

 _"Squad Teta to Angra Mainyu : roger, and terrible moment to make a musical quote"_

 _"Squad Epsilon to Angra Mainyu: roger and we agree with squad Teta"_

 _"Dynamite to Angra Mainyu, you should really read the mood better_

 _"Angra Mainyu to everybody, Fuck you and do your damn job! over and out"_

"Ehm Ehm, Okay, the operation Damocles was a flop, otouto-kun, Kasumi you and the rest of our squad retire, I will act as a decoy until you're a kilometre away then... **I'll go all out** "

"Nii-san don't. You're saying you will go alone against an army of Golems and Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg, h-he is the user of the Second Magic"

"Nice Kyotaka! Tell me something I don't already know...Listen: Clock Tower employed much more power and equipment than we expected to stop us, a mistake from our part. It's already miracle none died...I'm the leader I take the responsibility"

"Bu-"

"please stop Kyotaka... I know it's disgusting but leaving Hachiman alone is the only chance we have to win. Except you, me and the rest of the squad there aren't any other allies in a kilometre radius..."

"If I don't have anybody to worry about I can release at full power three battle oriented Marble spells. It will drain all my and the jewels' mana, but I can shot down all the golems and force Zelretch to retire: he might be able to draw energy from other dimensions, but my energy output is bigger than his."

"that's not the problem, the true is that you'll go berserk after releasing so much power, last time it happened you turned in a mindless skeleton for a week!"

"We don't have time for this... Ayanokoji Kyotaka, Chigusa Kasumi retire immediately...That's an order"

"yes...sir"

"hey Hachiman please...Don't die"

"Don't worry Kasumi it's not on my plans, still, delete my browser history if anything bad happens"

" just do it yourself idiot"

"Never a time in which you left me the last word uh?"

"only because you always start talking like a wimp in critical moments. Just show to Clock Tower who the hell Angra Mainyu is and turn this place into ashes...your browser history can wait"

"pff you brats will be my ruin, but you're right the moonlight world will know why the head of Oroboro must be feared!"

"Finally you speak my language...you might want to dodge those spells though"

"...OOOHHHH SSSSHHHIIITTTTT"

 **BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM**

* * *

"And another night burned in battlefield flash backs...Dammit old-man!"  
I thought waking up from another episode of "the dangerous life of Hikigaya Hachiman"

"I wonder if he can still pull out spells like that"  
I scratched out of my eyes the imagine of an entire kilometre square destroyed by the wrath of a dark god.

"7:30 mmm I woke up again later than usual... replenishing Jeanne's mana every night kills me"  
I muttered staring at the alarm after realizing that for the senveth morning this week I couldn't feel my legs.

"Okay first thing first"  
I said pulling a diary, a pen and reading glasses out of the bedside table.

 _Hachiman's flashback number 2427  
_ I began to write with elegant calligraphy

 _I would like to debut on this page with a proud statement... I FINALLY SAW WHAT HAPPENEeD DURING OPERATION DAMOCLES! AH SUCK IT ASSASSIN! All those half assetted stories I have heard in nine years about this mission were fake! There weren't wiverns, flying whales or killer marmots, only a bunch of Golems, ordinary wolf-like familiars and thousands harpies of the Himalayas (...now that I'm writing it down it sounds kinda of disappointing). The mission started at 3 AM near liverpool and employed around the ninty percent of Oroboro's personel. The objective was simple assaulting the sailing ship of Clock Tower and kidnapping a few vips as decoy, while four stealth teams broke in the secret harbor of Clock Tower to_ _tamper with the largest load of magical ingredients in modern history.  
_ _at 3:45 AM the sailing ship was under Oroboro's control and a distracted agent very much "casually" let a prisoner send a SOS signal. 4_ _:10 the harbor had only half of the personel left. 4:25 all the four teams infiltrated. 4:35 the loead of magical ingredients is much smaller than expected, someone had moved it away. 4:40 the sailing ship suddnely blows up injuring 59 agents 6 severely. 4:41 The Fullmetal Alchemist does the admiral Ackbar and orders the retreat of all the agents afloat. 4:46 the Helicarrier arrive to retrive the agents. 4:47 Hachiman orders the retreat in the harbour. 4:59 Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg and the twelve lords of Clock Tower appear on the escape route of the ground teams. 5:03 an army of disposable Golems and familiars, goes down on the battlefield ( personal theory the army was summoned with the load that was supposed to be in the harbour). 5:06 the twelve Lords retire from the battlefield. 5:15 Hachiman is left alone...5:26 Hachiman releases a combination of **Nox fulminis nuntiat** (herald of a night of lightning), _**_mortiferum terrae_** _(deathly ground),_ ** _somnus assiderante_** _(glacial sleep).  
_ _I don't know what happened next must investigate._

I closed my diary and put all the other sruff back in its place...It was nearly incredible. Nine years together and there was still so much I had to discover about my servant, slash, fatherly figure, slash, pain in my butt.  
Sure the fact that I summoned Assassin with the rare offer: pay one summon eight was an important factor... (geez I think I have seen the Easter of 2035 six times) Still Assassin lived truly a freaking insane life: he had founded a secret organization at eleven, trained those that have becomen the most dangerous people on the planet, manipulated the world to make it move like he wanted and... well he went on until the end...never refusing to pay the price of his actions.

To be honest I had quite a hard time at first seeing Hachiman memories and stuff was scary. See all the darkness he had encountered and absorbed to get stronger, yet most important to me it felt wrong to pry into his mind... the only place he really felt safe in. After all Assassin was a broken person, no, not just broken, he was a pulverized person that kept himself together through pure power will and some help here and there from those who loved him.

"you've always been a hopeless idiot Hachiman always extending your hand towards someone else, always pushing away who wanted to help you...If I didn't see it every day, I wouldn't believe you managed to change"  
I said standing up from my bed as the smell of a nutrient breakfast stimulated my appetite.

or at least trying to stand up: as I tried to move my feet on the floor two ropes bound to my ankles tugged me on the mattress.

"Right, yesterday's play..."  
I muttered leaning forward to free my legs.

For the past week, since my fight with Sasaki Koujiro, every night I have been ehm... focused to satisy my wife's needs, mana needs and I can truly proclaim it's an enjoyable activity, Still it squeezed me dry, hell sometimes I woke up and had so little mana and sugars in my body that Assassin thought I was dead!  
But it does not end there! Now thanks to my "peculiar body" (A/N coff coff E.D. coff) I needed particular attentions to "work" properly and so my wife came out with the idea of experimenting various scenarios to understand how to raise my proficency...AND TO BE CLEAR BEING WIPPED DOESN'T HELP ME IN ANY WAY!

"...hell It's depressing, I need to discover a fetish of some sorts."  
I grunted avoiding to think to much about my masculinity...and definitely not crying

* * *

Getting down my bed immediately a bunch of craps came to greet my sore body, since now I had to start every day with half of my normal mana reserves and my magic circuits tried to replenish themselves absorbing energy from my body.

"Damn in my next life I want to be the protagonist of some trashy Isekai to have an easy life full of power fantasies"  
I thought imitating a background actor of The walking dead.

"Uh Good morning"  
I said walking in the kitchen with my eyes semi-closed.

Gosh there was too much light difference between my room and the kitchen, I could only see random stains of color and evem moving with the whippy pace of a tortoise I couldn't get a clear sight of anything. undecided about where to go I headed for a blurred thing in my field of view that smelled nice

"...probably the dining table."  
I told myself grasping it was suspiciously warm

"Good morning Sieg, how a're you feeling?"  
Said the dining table with my wife's voice once I reached it

"...tables shouldn't speak"  
I thought realizing I had probably done a mistake

"hey Jen, still a bit sleepy"  
I answered moving my arms to perform a hug and sink my face in Jeanne's back.

"Coconut, She has changed Shampoo"  
I thought while my sense sight returned to work properly.

"pff, I can see you have still to wake up properly"  
Responded Jeanne while a light-pink shirt I've never seen before filled my field of vision.

"...hell no, this isn't Jeanne"  
I muttered as an adrenaline rush went through my blood stream.

"Brat, what did we say about explicit affective demonstrations"  
Said the croaking voice of ...Assassin, damn this friday was going to suck

"We are manly men, we don't display feelings"  
I squeaked in high pitch voice paralyzed by fear

"right, then unglue away from me before I spill my coffee and I'm forced to kill you"  
Whispered my servant posing very convincing arguments.

Moving like a tin soldier I mechanically escaped by Hachiman and reached the true dining table. There Jeanne surrounded by the usual buffet was barely able to suppress a laugh puffing her cheeks and covering her mouth with a hand. Apparently this morning I had won the prize for the early morning fool ousting the nine-time champion Jeanne and her morning hairstyles.

"wow today is going to suck"  
I told myself taking a seat

"So...when did you return at home Hachiman, last night you went in a hotel right?"  
I asked buttering a slice of bread and trying to find a comfortable spot on my chair.

"let's buy furniture of design" said Jeanne and Hachiman while we were furnishing this attic... the result: everything save for the sofa was too damn uncomfortable. Next time Ikea.

"I returned a hour ago brat, you were still sleeping while gamine...was already assaulting the fridge"  
responded Hachiman sipping his morning cappuccino.

"you promised not to tell him"  
Erupted Jeanne still in her celestial night gown.

Red like a tomato, my wife faced me and moved her hands to hide herself starting to mutter things like "it's not like that, I was just having a morning snack".

"I guess the champion still holds her crown"  
I thought while the "heheheh Kawaii" feeling was bubbling in my chest

"Good Lord you're such a glutton"  
I said leaning forward to kiss her forehead.

it was quite the challenge... I kinda had to slalom between boxes of cookies, empty plates and bowls where sugary cereals were melting before reaching my wife.  
(yes Jeanne's part of that un-holy faction of people who must wait until the sugar of the cereals melt in the milk before eating them).

"S-sieg"  
She muttered as my lips touched her

"By the way she also ate the Ichigo's mask shaped pancakes you and I cooked, left from the shounen jump night"  
Informed me Assassin with the usual "I don't give a f***" vibes

Suddenly I felt my lips becoming dry and really if I have had a sharingan my eyes would have begun to shine of red...sadly as it is I was quite acquaintanced with this sour emotion, it was annoyance

"Jen you know that I love you"  
I nearly singed with calm voice

"Y-yes"  
she responded vaguely worried

"BUT... _what did we agree about my otaku stuff?_ "  
I asked glacial like an iceberg.

"Do not eat them"

"So..."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll do the dishes for the next month"  
Jeanne's reaction was immediate

"...good. (even though we have a dishwasher)"  
I responded quieting down on my uncomfortable chair.

There were three things none could mess up with: my otaku stuff, my sword and my wife...maybe not in that specific order.

"okay Assassin has Oroboro done any movement in this area?"  
I said moving onto more pragmatic topics

"As far as I managed to investigate the past few days, Not yet. Yesterday I stole across Fuyuki all the radio beacons hidden in the shadow companies of Oroboro."  
Responded Assassin taking out from under the table a gym bag filled with weird antennae.

"we must still disable the young you's phone and pc otherwise we risk to have your entire organization involved in the war"  
I commented eating butter and jam

"not necessarily the entire organization. He probably just need: his battle suit, 58 jewels filled with mana, a rocket launcher...better two rocket launchers, enchanted chains, plus a lot ammunitions then two high ranked operative agents, one from the medical squad, three spell casters and Kasumi Chigusa"  
responded Hachiman emptying his cup of coffee

"Kasumi Chigusa, Kasumi Chigusa...Number 2, the sniper right?"

"right him...unless this was the period of time in which we didn't talk to each other"  
scratched his chin Assassin while the purple "III" in his eyes glittered playfully

"...okay not important right now, we have still to do everything possible in order to avoid your past self enters in this war. Jeanne as a Ruler can you prevent someone is chosen as a Master?"  
I asked considering various possibilities

"unfortunately no, if the Grail sees Hikigaya Hachiman as a worthy individual nothing can stop him from becoming a Master"  
Responded Jen making me discard plan one

"I think we should be worried more about the old me getting involved with a Master than ending up chosen as one."  
Said Assassin

"why?"  
asked my wife

"Well the Grail is literally a wish granting artifact and as such it's heavily influenced by the desires of the people it sees as potential Masters: for example when Sieg summoned me the wish dwelling in your heart was to live a genuine life, the Holy Grail reacted to that wish and gave him the opportunity to fulfill it summoning me to be his servant because I was the most compatible with that desire...The past me is not so linear as a person, everything he desires it's the diametral opposite of what he wants."

"Assassin I can't understand"  
I butted into the converastion

"efff when I was younger (and even now) I wished to become a house-husband:a life surrounded by familiar love and no worlds to worry about...Yet if the chance to have this wish fulfilled fell into my hands, **I would throw it away,** my desires embody the luxuries I could never or wanted to obtain. if when I was twenty five ended up becoming a house-husband...hell I don't want to imagine how many would have died because I was more worried about some curry than the riots that exploded before the Ham revolution. The point is: the grail won't give **me** the possibility to achieve my dreams because I don't desire for it, it'd be a useless temptation.  
And of course there's the fact that the young me with his magic circuits and negative powers would have hard time sustaining a servant"

" okay but let's make this assumption: with a good reason would the young Hikigaya Hachiman become a Master? "  
I inquired

" I don't think even in that case, sustaining both a servant and a costant healing spell to suvive would reduce the young me mana reserves of the 70 percent"

"..."

"..."

"eehhhhmmm...I don't see your point here what's the deal with being low on mana?"

"entrusting my safety to someone else. Brat you have known me for nine years, do you seriously believe I would trust the first spirit that pops out of a magical circle?"

"Okay I said something stupid, let's move forward, Youngchiman won't become a Master that's positive. We still have to avoid he inderectly joins the battle...any ideas"  
I scratched my eyes

"What about we directly speak to him and convince him to leave Fuyuki?"  
Offered Jeanne, always the pacifist

"that's probably the easiest way, but to convince him I'd have to reveal my identity and disclose different information, it would affect the future and likely also my already unstable summoning"  
retorted Assassin.

"define affect Hachiman"  
I asked captivated by this new option that involved some back to the future plot twists

"entire versions of me that could suddenly stop to exist"  
Commented drily Assassin

"...so your number of Noble Phantasm would decrease, tsk that's bad , but wait wouldn't this let your summoning be more focused and stable?"  
I snapped my finger positively.

this was a very good solution, not only it could decrease the number of troubling concerns I had to face, but it could also improve the general performance of Assassin in the war. No more times in which Hachiman is unable to return from his spirit form, where his eyes start to glow like a in rave party and he begins to have convulsions, or when he suddenly calls out his wives names in the middle of night.

"Reducing Hachiman's lives, why I never thought about it"  
I told myself elated, but then Jeanne's hand reached my shoulder

confused I stared at her shaking face and sad amethyst eyes...I know the look in those eyes, it was the "why don't you understand" stare...what was I missing

"probably it would be for the best but...Sieg...Master, I don't want to forget any of them, I want to remember all my lives, all my families"  
Whispered my servant while the numbers in his eye seemed to fade away.

For a moment I must say I felt a red-hot scream rise from my throat and I didn't have to reason to know it was rage: "we are your family" I wanted to shout with how much breath I had in my lungs. Weren't we enough for him, speaking about his wives his children, didn't Hachiman see Jeanne and mostly I were like his children... did he forget it was us three against the world?

still it was just a moment because I managed to see a rare side of Hikigaya Hachiman...the weak one, the part of himself he kept hidden from everyone, the one he tried to leave behind by moving forward all his life.

"Com'on Sieg, what's wrong with you, he said he wants to remember all his families...it's natural would you throw away entire lives for people you met just nine years ago?"  
I told myself while an attack of nausea hit me.

I couldn't quite catch what kind of emotion I was feeling: it reminded me sadness, but it was more bitter and less delicate...like a hard blow on the head.  
unable as usual to easily identify new emotions I boxed them up and left them in a corner of my mind. I'd try to understand them another time.

"okay then we stick to what we have done until now: observe, from our researches Hikigaya Hachiman is currently living with Shiro Emiya in the residential area of Fuyuki right?"  
I massaged my nose bridge

"Right Master, we have already kept an eye on Emiya for a while now, we confirmed he possesses magical circuits, but he is too much of a novice to be chosen as Master. At least the past me won't have the Holy Grail War directly fought in the house he's staying at"  
responded Assassin leaving the table to wash his cup.

"I guess we must be content of this for now. Let's just hope he doesn't meet random servants or piss off any Master"  
concluded our meeting Jeanne moving out of the table what remained of her buffet

"...knowing myself it'll be hard. Oh right Sieg the special package we ordered the other day arrived this morning"  
chuckled Assassin helping Jeanne to put a few cereals boxes on the higher shelves

"Finally! Now we can confront the other servant at open face, but most importantly stop to delay the re-match with Caster."  
I rubbed my hands wickedly.

the package I ordered on Maguszone the last month (delivery in one day, MY ASS), the last piece in my machiavellic plan to win the Holy Grail War had at last combined with my paraphernalia MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH

"Sieg.."  
muttered my wife slightly worried by my ominous aura

"Oh don't worry sweety, Assassin and I won't Leroy Jeggins all the servants we encounter"  
I said in with my best smile trying to make my Jeanne relax

"Good, but don't you dare to die on me or I swear I'm going to take you back from hell, kill you again for having died on me and bring you back once more "  
She pointed her index at me with a grim look

hell she was too cute, when she pretended to be angry: a dimple always appeared on her left cheek.

Unable to suppress my urges to release all the Moe I was absorbing from the air, I stood up to face her, then I hardened my facial expression as much as I could and said solemn  
"you know that even with annoyed voice you're cute"

"SSSIIEEGG I'm trying to sound serious and intimidatory"  
she retorted puffing her cheeks

"I know, I know...hey Hachiman I'd like to go with our morning spar after breakfast, after my fight with Sasaki Kojiro Siegfried's muscle memory kicked into gear more strongly than usual, I want to toughen my reflex before they get corrupted by Siegfried's ones."

"AAWWWW I wanted to read this morning, but it's okay. If your body returns to think you're a tanker instead of the quick and deathly type I don't want to imagine what will happen to all the techniques I taught you. Let's meet in the gym of the fifth floor in twenty minutes"

* * *

(twenty minutes later)

"Old man I'm here, I brought my bokken"  
I said entering in a wide room with the floor covered in rubber and two walls covered by wide mirrors

Assassin was in a corner doing push ups with his earphones plugged near all the gym equipment piled up

"Damn he never hears me when he uses those things"  
I muttered reaching him, what the hell was he singing

" I came in like a wrecking ball  
Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung  
Left me crouching in a blaze and fall"

"oh please this is ridiculous"  
I groaned raising my bokken on his head

"All you ever did was break me  
Yeah, you, you wreck me  
Yeah, y-  
 _*SWWOSH  
_ **FUCK** "

"yeah I wreck youuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUU...really Assassin I thought you went past your Miely Cyrus phase, I mean leaving aside your body your mind is what fifty?"  
I exibited an awesome falsetto

"Thirty-nine actually"

"Suurreeee you've been saying you're thirty-nine since the first time I met you"

"don't sweat over details brat. Start doing warm ups, today we won't fight much we are re-getting through all the basis"  
said Assassin standing up.

Something was weird with him today, Hachiman was way quieter and less violent than usual, Sure he was in his mildest mode, Yuigahama's one. Still I felt something was off with him.

"well better make out the most out of this situation"  
I told myself starting to stretch my arms

"Hey Assassin do you know what I dreamed tonight?"  
I asked in the most casual way possible

"Please tell me it's not my honeymoon"

"WHAT? NO! Hachiman God I have tried to forget the events of your love life for years now, EEWWW Dammit I always look at you as an asexual creature"  
I erupted totally blowing up my casual facade

"Brat I had been young too you know."

"Yes I know, I saw him the other day"

"ahah right, then what did you dream about my past?"  
Asked Hachiman warmly giving me a fillip on my forehead

"Oww It hurts! I dreamed about your fight with Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg, I never knew you fought against the head of Clock Tower"  
I said massaging my forehead, hell Assassin was too strong it was going to remain a bruise

"Two times actually. The first time I lost and the second time...well I'd like to say I won, but N1 Kyotaka Ayanokouji had already done all the job by the time I arrived, ahahahahahahahahahahahahahah I still remember the face of the old vampire when he got tied and thrown to my feet "  
Hachiman laughed snapping his back and neck

"All I got to see was you giving some orders and then an explosion"  
I lied doing few jumps on the spot to warm up my legs.

If Assassin din't know how much **I** knew he'd be less hesitant to reveal embarassing details

"I see, so you missed the part where I got my ass kicked"  
responded my servant caressing a scar on the back of his neck

"How did it happen?"  
I asked pretty amazed it had been so easy.

"err it was during operation Damocles...everything went south during operation Damocles. Wait do you know what the operation Damocles was "

"yes I know...ew I-I, I mean of course I know! For all the first year we were together I believed a guy named Damocles would come to kidnap me if I didn't brush my teeth!"

"hey how many times did you have to go to the dentist in your life? three that's how many, you should thank me for your perfect white teeth and for being such a skilled parental figure."

"Yeah not going to happen"

"unrespectful brat, well the story is: I had to block around a thousand units composed by golems and familiars, plus Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg. I waited until I was the only person left from Ororboro's side and then unleashed the strongest battlefield rape spell I had to my disposal, gosh it was the first time I released so much power at once. I manged to wipe out all the Golems, but Zelretch used two strange mystic codes named Ruby and Sapphire and protected himself with an incredibly powerful barrier. Totally out of mana I went berserk and fought until my body was literally falling into pieces... I was at his mercy, Zelretch started to shoot random spells and well I don't know how many wounds he left on me. I guess that was also the first time I went so close to die on action..."

"..."

"..."

"AAANNNDDD"

"And then nothing. I was bleeding to death on the ground, Hiccup went down with his jet on Zelretch like if it was a oversized rocket. Then the Elric brothers showed up and turned the battlefield in a maze of rock towers creating the ideal area for Levi, Kyotaka, Kasumi and Ashua to attack Zelretch with all their might. Megumi, who was supposed to handle the cover fire, went to rescue me and Hiccup with the help of Winry...who should have remained in stand-by.  
In the end Levi managed to cut down Zelretch's mystic codes forcing him to flee.  
After that operation I stayed in intensive care for two weeks, Hiccup lost a leg while all the others had hard time too and worst of all Blank had total control of Oroboro for an entire month...I spent years to discover and eliminate all the financial holes that those two created. I have told them a million times: "Oroboro won't sponsor the developement of Half Life three it's just a fake news!" "

"it's surprising you can talk about that so easily"  
I spoke genuinely impressed by how calmly my servant could tell me the stories of his near-death/ proof-of-incompetemce experiences

"Time Sieg, give everything the right amount of time and attentions. That's the trick to recover from every wound...Now let's start with your training"  
concluded the conversation Hachiman all warmed up and ready to train me.

"yes"  
I responded hinting a little smile...

"Time heals all wounds uh?"  
I thought unconsciously touching the scar above my draconic heart and Assassin's neck

"Hachiman why you lie to me... we both know that's not true"

Today there was definitely something off about Hachiman.

* * *

"Okay I think it's a good time to develope your own version of **the snake bares its fangs** "  
Said Assassin materializing in his hand a short sword.

It was the Noble Phanstasm of his mode number three: **Connection** ( _yui_ ) a paloscio 75 centimetres long with a slightly bent peach-coloured blade, guard less and with the handle covered in red strings.

"oh dear what's in his mind now?"  
I thought squaring my servant dressed with black shorts and technical t-shirt of the same color

"sorry old man but you always say that **the snake bares its fangs** is a move with little practical use and the most advanced among all the techniques you created...how can this be a revision of the basis?"  
I asked tapping my bokken

"brat **the snake bares its fangs** is a very personal and unique technique that can only be performed by those who have mastered all the base movement of Oroboro's fighting style based on the idea of bringing out all the power inside yourself. True it's unpractical as an attack, but it's perfect to fully understand your body's strength and weaknesses."  
Explained Assassin stepping beside me

"In this way Siegfried's muscle memory will stop to modify mine..."  
I said uncertain

"I don't think it's a process that is going to stop. Until that heart keeps beating in your chest you'll always have a part of Siegfried that tries to resuscitate inside yourself. All the seals Ruler put on you and the valve around your aorta have avoided your mind memories and mana got corrupted by Siegfried, still his existence lies within you and none of us can predict what's going to happen"

"wow such reassuring words Assassin..."  
I retorted letting my sarcasm gene free

"better a harsh truth than a reassuring lie"  
concluded the conversation Assassin assuming his fighting stance.

it was a bit different from the usual since he was using a weapon.

"Okay brat, first I'm going to show you how I perform the bladed version of the Snakes's fangs"  
Said Assassin starting to do slow motions.

Following Hachiman's orders I immediately focused on him and before I knew it I had turned in some kind of snake hypnotized by a piper. Greedily I studied every detail of my servant's moves as he performed the first thirty steps of that fearsome technique.

To be honest when the first time I saw Hachiman performing the **the snake bares its fangs** at rallenty I thought... he looks like an idiot. And actually even now he seemed just an ungraceful dancer that makes a juggler with a sword to a casual watcher, but to me...well, I was amazed by the control of his my servant was displaying. Executing a technique developed to accumulate speed without accelerating was incredibly difficult and tiresome.

"the old man is in great shape today"  
I thought after he urged me to mimic his movements.

Needless to say I failed worse than Vegeta when he tries to kill a main villan in Dragonball. I just managed to follow the first five steps before tripping into my own feet like an idiot.

"Ouch"  
I grunted as my nose collided with the ground

"pfff nice job Brat, this goes directly in the album little Sieg's fails "  
chuckled Assassin taking a picture of me on his smartphone

"Why do you always take pictures whenever you can?!"  
I asked rolling on my right side (my best side) sticking out my tongue

"A skill I acquired as a kid that I kept owning. Now get back on your feet, per se I can see you have grasped how to charge speed even with a sword in your hand, you just are too inexperienced to do it so slowly... That's why you will keep doing these steps until they're perfect"  
Snapped his fingers Assassin giving me the signal to repeat all the steps of the technique.

Swallowing my pride I did as my servant wanted performing over and over the same thirty steps. After the twentieth repetition my arms began to ache under the weight of my bokken, yet I just clenched my teeth and kept dancing over the same steps again, again and again. As the time progressed I felt my movements get more more fluid,it was like my body was eliminating the rough and hard style of Siegfried and replace it with my swift and serpentine one.  
I was once again affirming my control over my existence. I was Sieg and Sieg was going to fight like SIEG wanted...wow using the third person was so much fun.  
Doing a few changes to Assassin's movement I adapted all the thirty steps to my fighting style achieving after 134 repetitions perfection.

"good job Master you learned the first steps in only an hour... nine years of training must have worth something. Now then we are going to test a few variations of the last twenty steps of the technique in order to find what's the best way to land the strike...let's see if you are more proficient with a descending cut, a salient one or a thrust.  
Don't worry about the first thirty steps though, I'll give you a hand"  
Said Hachiman first clapping his hand a bit and then pouring mana inside his sword.

"what are you doing?"  
I stood up on my feet

"Do you know **Connection** 's powers brat?"

"connecting two or more people spirits and...plagiarize Bleach when you call its true name"  
I responded combining my homunculus and otaku natures

"for the last time I'm not plagiarizing Bleach only because the blade turns into peach petals! Besides those petals can't cut anything the opposite, they make thing fuse together "

"so you're plagiarizing both Bleach and Crazy Diamond from Jojo part four..."

"Give me a single reason not to beat the living shit out of you in this precise moment"

"I'M EXTREMELY SORRY ALL YOUR WEAPONS ARE ORIGINAL AND TOTALLY NOT RIP-OFFS"  
I went dogeza as my barely functional survival instincts kicked into gear...I just hoped I didn't sound sarcastic, other wise _*gulp_ it was going to hurt

"Nice"  
said Assassin bringing me back on my feet

"Ara?"  
did it work?

 _*Stab_

"ah I knew it"  
I thought while my servant's blade sank into my stomach  
oddly enough I didn't feel any pain, just a warm fuzzy feeling

"okay now we are connected for the next twenty minutes"  
told me Assassin while a red string appeared around my wrist, it was exactly like those around the handle of his weapon.

"how are we connected ? I don't feel any difference"  
I said as the pink sword came out from my body without leaving traces

"I wouldn't be so sure"  
muttered Hachiman punching me too fast for me to react.

like an harmless imotou-chan I remained immobile seeing the incoming fist aiming to my face, yet before a world treasure was ruined my right hand unconsciously dashed to block Assassin's attack.

"what the hell just happened"  
I said shocked holding Hachiman's fist in my hand

"the spiritual connection on physical plane I created between us: unconsciously you knew what I was going to do before I did it."  
Answered in monotone my servant while his death eyes were fixed in mine.

"pretty cool"  
I whispered letting go Assassin

"yeah I know, ready to create your own finishing move even if it is going to be useless in a fight?

"until it's cool...YES, YES YES YES! (Jotaro's voice)"

"perfect now move here "  
Said Hachiman tracing an X on the floor with a plaster... where did he pull it out from?.

"Okay"  
I said without a hint of hesitation...okay maybe a bit of hesitation.

Hachiman always took revenge on people in the sickest way possible: exploding phones, super glue inside the socks and other similar things. The signature of all his misdeeds was a X on the ground you "casually" stomped on the moment right before Hachiman striked. Just a few days ago a person who stole Assassin's coffee (I don't want to make any names _ehm ehm_ Jeanne _ehm ehm)_ walked upon one of those Xs and received a shower of quick-setting cement and mandrake resin...it took me three hours and nine circular saws to free her from that shell.

"assume the defensive pose number eight"  
commanded my servant moving a few steps behind me

"yes"  
I responded grasping my bokken with only the right hand.

With surgical precision I moved my left foot and arm forward, lowered my knees, brought my right arm bent to eighty-four degrees back at shoulder height and shifted my weight forward.

"okay now?"  
I asked vaguely anxious

"now we are doing the two manned version of **the snake bares its fangs.** I charge speed with the first thirty steps and pass it to you then, try let's see what you will come out with for the next twenty"  
responded Hachiman starting to gather kinetic energy.

"Sure, wait sure my ass! how am I supposed to do it?"  
I squeaked ready to have a panic attack

"Trust the connection between the two of us and your instincts...just avoid to trip at sound speed. 3, 2, 1 GO!"  
Retorted Assassin dashing towards me at mad speed.

"STOP STOP I don't want to do this any moreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

In the blink of an eye Hachiman precisely pushed the back of my right arm and the low left side of my back transferring all his kinetic energy to me, propelling me forward

 _ ***CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**_

And sending me to crash against a wall...needless to say I was knocked out for good

* * *

When I regained consciousness I was still stuck in the wall, thank God I managed to reinforce myself before I turned just into a stain.

"thirty minutes you fainted for thirty minutes brat, I'm disappointed "  
Greeted Assassin turning the page of Fuyuki's news paper without even stare at me.

"that long?"  
I asked coming out of the wall.  
 _ **Ouch**_

my body was aching everywhere, yet I didn't have any serious injuries only a lot of bruises and split lip.

"what was that for?"  
I asked limping to fetch my bokken that had flow in a corner of the gym.

"the blow on my head before"  
responded Hachiman continuing to read his news paper

"weren't you fine with that?"

"I was but **I wasn't** "  
said Hachiman facing me staring in my eyes.

"Oh not that number! Please tell me it's a joke not her not now!"  
I grunted pulling my hair.

"she entered in the building when I was ready to pass my speed to you, **Connection** deactivated, you and I weren't in sync anymore so you couldn't anticipate me and well...I let myself go. Not sorry by the way"  
muttered Assassin pointing at the cracks I left in the wall

"That's why I hate your seventh mode, your already thorny personality becomes... becomes... dammit you become so annoying I can't even do a proper syllogism "  
I groaned watching the "VII"s in my servants eyes

"Master stop whining, you won't be able to handle her if you don't steel yourself"  
reached me Hachiman offering his shoulder as a crutch.

 **"uff the seventh mode the kindest and the most annoying "  
** I thought accepting his help.

And so with the happiness of a dead-man I limped with my servant towards the elevator...I hoped none entered in the gym before I fixed the wall

"Ready to put on that mask Assassin?"  
I asked him once we entered in that metal cabin

"...yeah I can face her, after all I'm the only one who ever managed to keep her in check"  
said Hachiman wearing a black balaclava

Suddenly his face started to become more european, his body turned skinnier while his hair and eyes turned white and red. In a second my servant had transformed in a homunculs butler.

*DILN

the elevator stopped, the metallic doors opened and before us a beautiful japanese woman appeared in front of our eyes.

"Sempai!"  
She exclaimed overly joyful

"Haruno. WHAT. A. PLEASURE. TO. SEE. YOU."  
I forced out a smile while only one thought afflicted my mind

"is it too late to return in my wall?

* * *

Apparently it was.

Finding myself face to face with Haruno Yukinoshita while completely unaware of **why the hell was she here!** Was a situation so unpleasant that every single cell of my body seemed to scream "this must be a nightmare"

"Sigh sempai it's been so long, how are you?"  
Smiled my Kohai acting way overly cheerful.

"I felt fantastic until I saw you and drop that nickname it's horrible"  
I responded imitating the happiness of the girl in front of me

"oh how meeeeaaannnn! Aren't you even a bit happy of seeing me"  
Tried again Haruno acting like a spoiled child

"Oh God this's getting ridiculous"  
I fixing secretly the skin colored glove I always wear to cover my command seals  
...damn I really hoped Jeanne was wearing her blue eye contact

"No, because when you are this cheerful you want to drag me in some mess"  
I said displaying my real emotionless voice and deadpanned face.

"Oh you know me so well"  
told me the Yukinoshita dropping her facade

"so why you here?"  
I asked coming out from the elevator while Hachiman followed me disguised as a butler.

"To offer a proficient deal, but why don't we talk about it inside your home with Jen sempai while your doll makes some tea"

 **"Yukinoshita Haruno: age 20, birth day 7 July, labelled in personal classification with the word Bet"**

* * *

 **What should a person do when faced with a potentially lethal danger?**

"Here is the tea for my Master, two for his Lady and there on the floor jug of apple juice for the bitch"  
said Assassin disguised as albino butler

 **Fight?**

"Artificial butler-san I see you're still a defective product, why don't you go trash yourself"  
responded with her passive aggressive gaiety my kohai Haruno Yukinoshita.

 **Run away?**

"I don't see how can I be considered defective my only purpose is delight my masters and their guest, in fact I choose an apple juice to satisfy the childish tastes you're secretly fond of and appeal you with the epithet of bitch in order to pleasure your inner masochistic nature...by the way stop to emit hormones of arousal it's making me uncomfortable."

 **Or play a fun game me and my wife called "what's less threatening than this".**

* * *

"juggling with burning sticks of dynamite"  
I whispered in Jeanne's ear starting to play

I was really tired of paying attention to the flirty and threatening interactions between my servant and his future...or maybe past wife, well it didn't really matter right now but I was pretty sure that if they went on for other ten minutes or Haruno tried to stab Assassin with a tea spoon, or they started to make out on the table... hopefully the first one.

"swim among the sharks dressed as tuna"  
Jeanne accepted my challenge, wow today she was creative!

"stealing Assassin's coffee"  
I retorted moving on the next level our game

"Going against british army brandishing only a broom"  
my wife launched the counter attack

dammit I was losing ground I had to use one of my secret techniques  
"Touching Jotaro Kujo's family"

 ** _ahah I have won!_**

"leaving my signature on the Death Note"

 _ **Ara?  
**_ * _blinkblink_  
"Sweety, did you just said what I think you have said"

"you always declaim praises of the show so I thought I could give it a try while you and Assassin were fighting the other day...by the way L best boy and I win"

"...have I ever told you I love you?"

"1459 times now"

"you counted them?

"N-noo... that would be too weird...right?"

"I love you when you look embarrassed"

" 1460...Dammit"

"aahahahah, by the way should we stop them?"

"not yet, you now how troublesome Haruno is if Hachiman doesn't tire her out enough"  
muttered Jeanne observing the Yukinoshita losing bit by bit her playful and sharp attitude.

"I can almost pity her..."  
I said with thin voice as my servant with another sarcastic yet extremely precise description of Haruno's hobby of peeling the faces on fruits before eating them.

"you know I'm pretty curious about how their marriage managed to work out... "  
confided to me Jeanne right before Yukinoshita Haruno couldn't endure Assassin verbal abuses anymore and tried to impale his eye with a tea spoon.

and just to be clear **I called it!**

"Okay I guess Hachiman has completed his job"  
I thought while a bubbling feeling known as amusement made me rise my lips into a thin smile...then my smile immediately dropped down as my Kohai realized a spoon wasn't exactly the mightiest among the weapons at her disposal.

"Haruno-chan not the tea dish of my best service!"

 ***crash**

* * *

"Okay I sent our butler-dono to do some chores"  
I said after accompanying Assassin out of the attic and secretly high five him.

Really the fact Hachiman had fifty years on his back worth of experience to deal with Haruno Yukinoshita was truly a blessing. A. N. D. I could sincerely say that because my last year in highschool for multiple reasons (that definitely didn't involve me making easy cash selling fake Yu-gi-ou cards) I entered in a business relationship with a casual Kohai of mine... a.k.a Haruno and spent a lot of energy and money trying to figure out how to interact with her without being manipulated; until I discovered she was one of my old man's wife...Then I received some tips.  
For example I didn't know that when Haruno winks with her left eye instead of her right one, it means she's doing something she doesn't want to do.

Ultimately I liked Haruno Yukinoshita, she was one of the few people I genuinely considered a friend despite...the unorthodox ways she display affection and all the masks she crafts to keep every person she deals with in check. After all even while I was going to the engineering university we met every Tuesday. Why? BECAUSE it was time to D-d-d-d-duel.

Still since whenever I have to unexpectedly interact with her every situation turned into a **BET** that could only lead me towards great profits or towards the loss of my magnificent artificial ass: I usually and wisely employed Assassin conjugal experience to debuff Haruno's manipulatory skills in order to avoid to get dragged in some messes.

"so now that her health bar is red... let's hear what the hell is she going to offer this time?"  
I thought while in front of the laments of the weak Jeanne's One-chan mode activated

"Haru-chan calm down and breathe Sebastian is not here anymore, let your One-chan spoil you a bit to relax"  
Said my wife giving a light message to the stiff shoulders of my Kohai... suddenly I felt envious

When it came to massages Jeanne had really magic hands... I mean literally her fingers were like a C rank healing spell...yeah I could still remember the awkward high school skin-ship after the two of us had after my trainings.

 _geez my back now felt seriously stiff._

Oh and yes Sebastian was Assassin's butler name because... how else was I supposed to call him when he was dressed like an aristocratic penguin.

"okay... I'm calm, I'm calm, sorry for the dish Jen-chan...wow your really good at this"

"eheh I know, want me to go on for a bit longer?"

"please...it is just GOD I can't deal with your butler! it is like he do everything he can to to to"  
muttered my Kohai blushing a little...pfff I was pretty sure there were four maybe five people in the world who knew how an embarrassed Haruno Yukinoshita looked like.

"completely annoy your soul and speak out loud your most embarrassing secrets, yeah our butler is like this"  
Completed the sentence Jeanne

"yes, it beats me why you two still keep him around"  
said Haruno finally letting her shoulders loose

"well that's a legitimate question"  
I butted in the conversation scratching my back... _matte it has very seriously became sore_ _very seriously_ _now!_

"But you now which question is even more legitimate?"  
I asked forcing out a smile

"Why am I here?"

"Why are you her-...Dammit Haruno why you always ruin my cool moments"  
I erupted after that viper turned my incredibly intense question into a terribly anti-climatic moment.

" because it's funny, Sempai you always act emotionless and get worked up only if someone insult anime ooooooooorrrrrrrrrrr"  
responded mischievous Haruno rising both her index towards Jeanne

"when someone interrupt a **_cuuuru_** scene you imagined differently in your mind"  
winked my wife

 _*SILENCE  
_

"...I suddenly remembered why you two should never stay in the same room"  
I muttered holding my face and staring my feet.

for those who didn't understand it, I was completely depressed... _how could_ _I be so easy to read?_

"Com'on Haru-chan apologize, now my poor little husbando is going to be sad all day and won't prepare me his special hot chocolate... _unleeeeeeess amazon prime doesn't have some special edition figure with_ _same day delivery hhhhmmmmm"  
_ Jeanne shook gently Haruno before muttering something incomprhensible.

"and already that there are parts with explanations is almost noon"  
I said finding the strength to look those two devilish women in the eyes

"Fine, fine, I'm sorry Senpai for having teased you too much"  
joined her hands and bent a little forward that pain of a female

"aaannnnddd"

"and for the various explanations I want to take you two in another spot"

*dubious stare (or geeeeeeeeeee for the **weeeeeeeeebbbbbbbbb** )

"Com'on I'll treat you lunch"  
continued Haruno winking with her **left** eye.

exhaling deeply I stood up, cursed that double-edged sword called feelings and gave my wife the " _She's in trouble_ " stare. Then I waited until Jeanne amethyst eyes started to glitter with her usual "can we keep it?" stare. (Back in Chiba we had like five cats because not me nor Assassin could do anything against those eyes)

"dammit... let me grab my jacket, but remember I want some to eat in some classy place, take me to a Saize or anything similar and...Jen say something intimidatory for me "  
I grunted massaging my nose bridge and moving to take my and Jeanne's winter coats

"I'll bore you to death explaining why Reboot of Evannnn-Evan... How was it yeah Evagelion sucks in comparison to the original "

"Yeah... wait did I bore you to death?"

"What? nooooooooo I had candy crush on my smartphone to help me _in that occasion_ "

" oh! That's what those sounds were"  
I realized going behind Haurno's chair reaching my wife's back.

then as true gentleman I helped her to wear her usual coat.

to be honest normally I would have just thrown the coat to her, yet since Haruno was present I showed my gallant side.  
why? You might ask  
well the answer is simple...because it pissed off my Kohai seeing couples doing lovely-dovely stuff. AHAHAHAHHA that vixen despite she being the **I** **can have all the boys I wish under my foot** , actually never had a boyfriend lol! Yeah I knew it was a personal choise most likely dictated by the fact that Haruno knew herself, her personality pleasant as an alarm clock at four in the morning and didn't like to let anyone close enough to understand her whole nature; still once I noticed the "subtle" spite/ jealousy / IDon'tKnowI'MNotInHerMind my Kohai felt for couples, I as a Homunculus grown under the attentions of Hikigaya Hachiman couldn't ignore that weakness to annoy her back.

In fact while Jeanne stretched her arms to let me put on her the coat, I swept her feet with a delicate kick and stole her lips in improvised caschè.

"ten points Husbando obtained"  
I thought tasting my wife's lip stick... _I see cherry_

"Dear...surprise attack are not fair"  
my wife puffed her cheek not bothering to move from my arms, since she was fully aware of the game I was playing

 _now I just had to see if I got any reaction_

"Senpais you're so sweet... please stop, you're giving me diabetes"  
snorted Haruno

"mission complete"  
"mission complete"  
Chorally chanted the Servant-Homunculus team instinctively high-fiving

ladies and gentlemen maximum level marital complicity.

"sure, I can't still belive it took you all highschool to start dating, now let's go Sigh senpai if you have to tease me at least let me avoid your butler"  
groaned the Yukinoshita

"...did Haruno just admit a weakness...?"  
I thought widening my red eyes

"can you repeat please, I don't think I have understood well"

" _I can't belive I'm doing it_... now let's go Sigh senpai if you have to tease me at least let me avoid your butler"

 _oh I understood well the first time_

 _..._

 _..._

 _... **FFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK**_

"Haruno... what the hell is happening"

"I suppose you two know what the Holy Grail War is, right?"

 **...God why do hate me so much?**

* * *

Nearly a hour later I was seating in the most expensive restaurant in new Fuyuki, a place that I've tried to reserve for a month accomplishing no results. I should have been happy no joyous but unfortunately after Haruno mentioned the war and refused to add details about that slightly concerning Murder death kill battle (.cit) my stomach had shrieked to subatomic level and even in front of a prime class filet I couldn't find appetite

"Dear please relax a little"  
Said Jeanne with concerned voice while I was cutting my steak

"what are you talking about honey?"  
I asked emotionless continuing my task

"Senpai you have cut your filet and the dish under it in half, if you keep going you'll split the table"

"wha-Dammit!"

"Jen-senpai just to remind you I'll treat you lunch, not all the... extra damage"  
clapped her hands Haruno while I tried to hide from the inquisitive eyes of a waiter

"oh shut up you filthy Kohai and just start talking"  
I erupted enraged

"Sigh senpai you're sending conflicting messages here"  
retorted the girl touching all the right buttons to piss me off

 _"Breathe Sieg breathe._ Just explain why you came here before I consider the hypothesis of binding you and let you in the basement for the next month"  
I said keeping my cool for miracle.

"Senpai since when are you in Kinky stuff? Did Jen-chan attach you one of her fetishes?"

 _"Uh Nani? really Jeanne has that kind of passion? and wait fetisheS there are more?"  
_ I erupted since all the late-night whippings started to make much more sense.

unfortunately before I could get in the depths of the topic my wife "kindly" reached my hand and squeeze it until it turned red as much as her cheeks.

"Dear you probably are going broke somethin- Ah You're breaking something, You're breaking something"  
I grunted high pitched voice trying to free myself from that iron grip.

"Haruno enough with these games. If you want help just be honest"  
hissed coldly Jeanne fixing her her contact-blue eyes on Haruno

"Sweety what did we say about the Honesty topic with Haruno"  
I tried to smile giving up on my unnaturally blue hand.

 **Apparently my dear Jeanne D'arc had forgotten a tiny detail**

"Honest ahaha really? that's rich coming from you two...pfff you speak about honesty, yet Jennete Dubois and Sigurd Satou are still the only names you let me know"  
Retorted the Yukinoshita unsheating her worst smile... the enraged one.

 **We never told Haruno our real names...**

" _Ooooohhhhh shit, trust issues storm incoming,"  
_ I thought fathoming the mental manual about how to communicate with Haruno I had in my brain  
...it was right next to the box of suppressed emotions and above the file cabinet of easy recipes to cook when I was home alone. _  
_

"Dear Kohai how many times we had this conversation? 29 "  
I started as Oni-chany as I could

"28"  
she responded

"with this 29. My wife and I have a secret. You know we have a secret. This doesn't prejudice our relationship. Case closed"  
I exposed while my hand was at last set free...and had begun to inflate _Fuck._

Fortunately my words had the wanted effect and Haruno calmed a bit down, she just rolled her eyes in annoyance and snorted like a child  
"you know one day I'll extort those information from you right?"  
my Kohai then whispered playing with her fork

"yeah... I wouldn't expect not less from you"  
I smirked lightly, the environment had finally calmed down

"Pfff you know senpai in the last time I met a guy with dead eyes that's jerkish just like you, One day you have to meet him"  
Laughed Haruno putting a hand in her handbag

"well no thanks"  
I responded staring intensely Haruno's hand, with an almost sensual fluid movement the girl exposed a card depicting a person tied to her knees.

"Now let's talk about business, this is **the Avenger card** and I need your help to activate it"

* * *

 _(That afternoon in Sieg and Jeanne's attic)_

*clank ( _sound of a door being_ _closed with depression)_

 _"_ Sieg..."

" **WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THAT WOMAN ONLY BRINGS TROUBLES!"**

* * *

 _(the same afternoon in a dirty halley where a servant and a Loner teenager had just finished to beat the living shit out of each other and were currently)_

 _Drin Drin_

 _*swishshs(sound of a pocket being searched inside)_

 _"moschi moschi"_

 _"ah Oni-chan you finally picked up you I tried to reach you for ages"_

 _"eh, sniff* sniff* sorry Komachi, are you missing Oni-chan?"  
_

 _"not at all, with you far from home I have less things to worry about...besides don't use third person it's creepy"_

 _"ah-sniff*- ah-sniff* you hurt my feelings imotou-chan"_

 _"ssuuurrre wait are you crying did you miss me that much?"_

 _"no baka it's been just a week right not ten years, it's just that something got into my nose"_

 _"okay, also did you get a cold your voice is like way deeper than usual, you sound older"_

 _"yeah in fact I'm a future version of your brother that's currently looking your real brother who's engaging a battle of stares with some sort of...bondage slave"_

 _"what? "_

"Nothing, more importantly are you keeping up with your studies the entrance exam is gonna been soon"

"of course, oh and right! Mom and Dad said in the city you're staying there is a magical ritual in course don't go out at night"

"okay (even though it's kind of late for that)"

"bye bye Oni-chan and seriously eat some honey or something to turn your voice back to normal you sound like..."

"an Assassin"

"yeah, Komachi OUT"

"...mmm I guess my luck should be F a servant so defenselss yet I can't take her down because she's connected to my younger self...dammit! Well at least let's get this phone out of the way...Sorry Hachiman, but I can't have you interfere with this war"

*swiiiirrzrzzzrr ( sound of a phone getting stabbed by a knife)

*swushshshshs (sound of a damaged telephone put back in a pocket)

"because not you nor me are ready for what could happen"

* * *

 **AND THAT WAS THE HOMUNCULUS II WITH THE ARRIVAL OF HARUNO. I HOPE YOU ALL UNDERSTOOD THAT SHE WAS DIFFERENT FROM USUAL BECAUSE UNLIKE IT USUALLY HAPPEN SHE WASN'T IN COMPLETE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION. ALLOW ME TO REPHRAISE IN MY OPINION HARUNO IS A MISCHIEVOUS THRILL LOVER PERSON, WITH SEVERE TRUST ISSUES THAT PUSH HER TO HIDE ALL HER WEAKNESSES BEHIND MASKS CRAFTED TO KEEP UNDER CONTROL EVERYBODY (HERSELF INCLUDED). HARUNO IS NATURALLY BOTH SCARED AND ATTRACTED BY THE PEOPLE SHE CAN'T DECEIVE WITH HER MASKS BECAUSE THEY MAY BE THE ONLY SHE CAN REALLY TRUST (ex Sieg) OR HATE (ex butler 8man)** **  
**

 **Tiny remainder about Assassin's modes:**

 **When 8man was summoned by Sieg, the grail had problems to grant him a physical manifestation because Hikigaya Hachiman existed as an heroic spirt in multiple future timelines and since all of them were equally possible The grail couldn't just summon one version of 8man.**

 **in order to aggirate the issue 8 Hachimans were summoned as a single Rider/Assassin servant with a seal that keeps divided his egos and trash Noble Phantasms(that embody the relationships with the people 8man loved in his life). Thus creating 8man's eight modes numbered from 0 to 7**

(The Max coffee can it's Komachi NP and convert Max coffee in mana and enchant physical power)

0 -Still unknown powers EMBODY THE RELATIONSHIP WITH: ?

1- pain magic, mysterious axe shaped stick, Max coffee can EMBODY THE RELATIONSHIP WITH: ?.

2- one handed japanese sword with ice powers, Max coffee can EMBODY THE RELATIONSHIP WITH Yukino

3- **Connection (** european hunt sword) connects spirits and objects, Max coffee can EMBODY THE RELATIONSHIP WITH Yui

4- Still unknown, Max coffee can EMBODY THE RELATIONSHIP WITH Iroha

5- **Silent coat (** enchanted lab coat) defensive and offensive empowerment, Max coffee can,EMBODY THE RELATIONSHIP WITH Shizuka sensei

6- still unknown, Max coffee can EMBODY THE RELATIONSHIP WITH ?

7- mask that hides identity, Max coffee can EMBODY THE RELATIONSHIP WITH Haruno


	8. warning Commercial

THIS IS A TINY WARNING

* * *

BUT FIRST A COMMERCIAL

* * *

" Hello Everyone I'm the chief engineer of Oroboro Winry Rockbell from FMA and this is **ARM GEARS** _(_ _sponsored by the )  
_ today we are going in a inter-dimensional hospital to interview mechanical prostheses users"

...

 **"Can you state you full name?"**

"Captain James Hook"

 **"From where do you come from?"**

"Neverland"

 **"oh where it is?"**

"Second star to the right then straight on till morning"

" **Right... what kind of** **prosthesis do you use"**

"I always used simple hook model Filthy-kid-cut-my-hand-off, but now I just replace it with a hook "1000 gadgets plus one" MK-4... I saw it the other day on a magazine and I fell in love with his simple yet functional design"

 **"** **wowowowowowowowowowowow do you know this model has the most precise chronometre in the whole multiverse activated by vocal commands"**

"pardon?"

 **"yeah look mk-4 chronometre start"**

*tik toc tik toc

"CROCODILE EVERYBODY RUN!"

*crash (sound of window shattering)

" **DAFQ'S WRONG WITH HIM! OI THE INTERVIEW IS NOT OVER YEEEETTTT!**

 **...**

 **"Can you state you full name?"**

 **"** Joseph Joestar age 67"

" **from where do you come from?"**

"Newyork City"

 **"oh a real place this time good...** **what kind of prosthesis do you use?"**

"A mechanical hand manufactured during world war II... you will now say "incredible it's really old!" "

 **"incredible it's really old!** **uh!** "

"OH GOOODDD I love doing this trick, ehehem unfortunately young lady this is just a replica, my original prothesis was destroyed a few years ago, you see I was doing a trip in Egypt.

" **i see..."**

"But design is still the same as the original, true German tecnology"

 **"oh that why there's a swastica near the attachment to the arm"**

"What?"

" **yes here"**

"oh I never noticed...but now it's kind of disturbing though"

" **cheer up it's not like you held your babies on the nazi's symbol**

"OOH SSSSSHHHHHIIIITTTTTTTTTTT"

* * *

HOMUNCULUS II finally complete (check the ch 2.75 (-: ) and THE NIGHTMARE II is nearly ready to go


	9. The Nightmare II

THE NIGHTMARE II

 _recap (dragonball soundtrack)  
_ last time Nijito in his endless quest to make money went to investigate about Kori Yukinoshita and then disgused as a girl infiltrated in a swimming lesson to snap some scandalistic photos. Accomplishing valid feats in only the latter quest the boy found himself going through a mental breakdown as the weight of surviving through other people's disgraces was slowly crushing his coscience and to add more fuel to the fire a punk named Bakkin messenger of the Yukinoshita patriarch stumble on Nijito and everything ends up in a brawl. severly injured the boy sacrfices his current self to create a version of himself strong enought to overcome the obstacle, in this way he defeats the punk... and now the after match.

* * *

"what a hell of a day"  
I muttered crashing on the sofa.

Wow I barely managed to reach it. Gosh I was all sore and tired and well... I guess it was a miracle itself I managed to open my house's door.

* * *

In my hand I was holding a letter like my life depended on it drunk of mixture of joy and hate.

"Okay from now on there's no going back"  
that... That was the only thought running through mind as my tiny child hand caressed the orange paper of the letter I stole from Bakkin after choking him.

* _thum thum_

My heart was still resounding loud as a thunder from this afternoon:

 _thum thum_

hell it was so annoying I even tried to suppress the noise under a tower of pillows of the sofa, but no matter how many pillows I used that drumming sound was still there. With each beat I couldn't help but revive again, again and again the events that came right after my **birth.  
** My body healing on its own  
myself slashing through Bakking thigh  
and...  
my hands clinging around his throat while he kept punching and kicking until he faded out.  
It was weird I never thought I could...could explode so violently; snap in that cold fighting frenzy, it felt like I had a glacial flame burning inside my chest...while...everything except obtaining that letter had become meaningless, right: when I was attacking Bakkin I didn't bother to avoid his punches I nearly welcomed them, as if all the pain I suffered just made my inner flame shine brighter.  
I still remembered an elational shock running through my spine as I started to payback Bakkin with his same coin, as I made him scream inpain

 **...dammit**.  
 **it felt good"**

with just a few slashes and cuts I managed to reverse on that teenage drug dealer all the anger, all the shame and the disgust I felt towards that damn orange letter that turned my life in a mess and towards myself: Sure it wasn't fair or nice, after all I had arbitrary turned someone in my personal punching bag

 **yet I could tell**  
 **...**  
 **not Approval (Nijito)**  
 **...**  
 **nor the Original (Nijito)**  
 **...**  
 **had ever felt so light.**

"mouuuu uh! I can't let this become an habit,I'd better bottle up this side of me before it gets out of controll again; I took to many risks at once, it's a wonder I won _*fuuu, No._ More. Thoughtless. Decisions. For. Me. like ever again"  
I muttered finding the strength to get up and go in the kitchen.

Lethargic like a bear in winter I lazily left the letter orange on the kitchen table and went to take the chocolate bar I kept in the fridge for special occasions (after all I wouldn't dare to spend precious money for something petty as sweets...too much bills to pay).

Proper victories deserved proper rewards. Am I right?

" _*mnom *mnom_ chestnuts _mnom mnom*"  
I hummed pleased wondering what to do next._

As I was dirty of chocolate, still dressed like a girl, bruised, tired, sweaty and a bit bloodied, I decided upon refreshing myself before starting to study that orange nightmare I went through so much troubles to obtain.

I mean the last time I acted recklessly (an hour ago) things went south scarily quickly: so playing my cards with the better safe than sorry strategy didn't sound too bad...

Probably taking bath was the best thing.

* * *

While I was slowly walking towards the bathroom to live up to my project, I felt my eyes unconsciously linger on my right hand; at first I didn't understand why but after thinking for a second I realized that was the hand Bakkin pierced: my pupils were like searching for a proof it got stabbed yet...there wasn't even a scar.

"If I didn't know for sure it happened, I wouldn't even imagine I got injured"  
I whispered holding the pommel of the bathroom while an uncomfortable emptiness grew in my stomach.

"Incredible healing speed and that electric feeling...there was definitely Mana dwelling inside all my wounds... Did I healed myself? no, there's no way, I don't even know how to cast a spell forget obtaining a result so clean"  
I thought trembling slightly.

Just what the hell was going on within me? It was like as I replaced Approval (Nijito), my body tried to keep up... to reset as well.

"UHG LIKE I NEED MORE QUESTIONS NOW!"  
I grunted finally opening that door.

"Nijito com'on relax, first thing first right? Right"  
I managed calm down and started to undress myself.

I only wanted to focus on removing a piece of cloth at the time, unfortunately as I was stripping a terrible realization ended up in my hands: my girly clothes were all ruined...

 _*inhale,  
*exhale_

"And there goes my invetiment... all those precious yen...1,2,3, 4,5, tears and a bit of blood, not all mine by the way, uuummmmm definitely beyond repair, I'd better get rid of this things"  
I thought opening the water to fill the bathtub.

I really needed a bath, I still smelled of chlorine from the swimming lesson with the Seyuus and all my various scratches were itched, they really had to be cleaned up.  
I really **wanted** a bath... just to sink under hot water for a long time and forget about everything, it didn't matter if it was only a for a single moment... I wanted to live an instant in a world were there were no bills, no photos, no letters, no parents, no sister, no Nijito.  
Only my shapeless existence floating in the water until the tomorrow came to claim me...

"Right, tomorrow"  
I muttered while my warm shining utopia was obscured by a dark cold cloud named reality.  
"I've to deal the voice actresses photos"

If my calculations were correct the pay of the work would have been enough to give me the financial securty to spend some time dealing about the letter issue. I still felt slightly bad for profiting from those voice actresses kind-...no naivety.

 _"mais c'est la vie,_ everybody win sometimes, everybody lose sometimes and **who I need to use as a tool will win or lose second of what's more advantageous for the undersigned**."  
I said clutching my girl's clothes until something hard inside them obtained my attention.

"right...speaking of tools"  
I searched inside the clothes' pockets

"I must decide what to do with these things"  
I grunted drawing other three objects I stole from the unconscious Bakkin.

Per se they weren't nothing much: just Bakkin's wallet ( _don't give me that look money always come handy_ ), one of the many balls of nylon and marijuana the teenage drug dealer was carrying and the knife he and I used to stab one another...and it covered in strawberry marmalade...who was I kidding it was still dirty of blood.

"wow, thank God Bakkin never stopped with drugs "

I thought hiding the illegal weed in the medicine's shelf, now if I ever found myself lacking of scoops could create one.

"otherwise the cops I called phone booth wouldn't have held him for more than a day, but with all the grass he had with him... I won't have to worry about him for a while"

I checked the content of the wallet...only 1000 yen, the business card of a chinese restaurant and oho! **Y** **eah jackpot!** a point card of ice cream parlor with almost all the stamps.

"Even so, I could have definitely played my cards better, like following him and knocking him out with a stone when he didn't expect it"  
I concluded entering in the bathtub.

Calmly immersing myself in hot water I began to add soap into the water until a myriad of bubbles invaded the surface (YESSS BUBBLEES I LOVED BUBBLESSSSSSSS). Then as I was soaking to my heart content I started to also wash Bakkin's..no my knife to erase all the DNA remains.  
The water was coloured of disturbing pink, yet an extra dose of bubbles helped to hide the problem.

"Perfect all clean and shiny, mmmm maybe I should start carrying it around, if I conceal it properly probably nobody will notice"  
I told myself diving in the depths of the bathtub.

That knife was cheap, truly an object of poor quality, even I realized it and I was no expert, yet it was sharp and as my hand could confirm was able to penetrate smoothly into flesh.

"A tool with no name that anyone can get rid of in any moment... hey knife are you sure it isn't fate that brought us together" (A/N NO IT'S NOT! TAKE LOOK AT THE TITLE OF THIS DAMN FANFICTION!)  
I let out some bubbles under water imagining potential scenarios.

If I ever found myself in a situation with no way out I could take a hit or two then start crying and wait for an opening to stab my aggressor to cause mayor blood loss.

"well...I'd better re-read an anatomy book or two so I avoid to screw up"  
I grunted emerging and staring at my reflection in the blade.

"..."

"...must. Suppres. The. Temptation"  
I grunted slowly pushing the knife under water

Oh well F*** it!

"BRRRR this is the super duper submarine, Captain Nijito on the bridge!"

(acute) " _aaaaa there are terrible teenage sharks with_ _chainsaws as teeth attacking what do we do captain!?"_

"TO THE BATTLE!"

* * *

Once I was all clean and wasn't covered in blood...of someone else, I came out from the bathtub grunting during every movement, multiple parts of my body were aching. Apparentely the adrenaline flowing in my veins had run out and all the pain that I kept in a corner of my brain now was invading every part of my body, I never thought wearing my bathrobe could be so hard

"Even this is getting tight"  
I muttered walking before the bathrooms' mirror

"Bakkin really kept struggling till the end, luckily he was too scared to do anything useful... Uhmu what's this?"  
I muttered noticing a purple spot on my cheek big as a mandarin.

With childish curiosity I got closer to the mirror and touched my cheek, **(** **Ouch)** Oh it was a post fight bruise... and wait, there were more; ehm 4,5, ah! With these many bruises I was really easy to notice... mph everybody in city would notice a face like this

...

"FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKHHHHHHH Oh no, oh nononono this is really bad, why they're so visible! Anybody with functioning eyes will see them! What if someone makes questions?What do I say?"  
I began to freak-out while breathing heavily

"I fell from the stair? NO IT'S TOO OBVIOUS OF AN EXCUSE! AAAAAAHHHHH, and Oh God there are scratches on my neck! That means... double OH God MY DNA IS UNDER BAKKIN'S NAILS _*Pant * pant_ _I left a trace behind me I should have never left a trace behind me... I made a mess I wanted that letter too much I let my feelings go and and... **THAT'S WHAT HAPPEN WHEN I FOLLOW EMOTIONS, I DO SOMETHING STUPID STUPID STUPID...**_ "  
I muttered, trembled, screamed towards my reflection.

Why was I in this situation?

Right because of myself... because of my stupid self that didn't know how to control or wink with the left eye, YEAH YOU HEARD ME **ME!**

" **you (I) had to screw up, didn't you (I)"  
** I hissed against the me in the mirror letting all my frustration build up in my left hand.

I wanted to crush that stupid face in the mirror, I wanted to erase it, I wanted to begone **begone BEGONE!**.  
wait no I wanted to make it begone, yeah the reflection not myself  
not  
Myself  
I couldn't just stand the imagine of me on that mirror, the image of Nijito  
...really I felt annoyed, enraged by his sole existence

What he (I) had been was a reminder of the disgusting weakness that brought forth to my birth.  
The struggles he couldn't overcome  
The wishes he would never accomplish

Those things were my backbone.  
Basic componets of my person.  
I didn't ask for them yet

 **The despair after seeing Nijito's hopes shatter**  
 **The hope Nijito needed to escape from despair  
were two opposites that kept dwelling inside my soul.**

Apparently until I was myself things will never become easy

I guess that's the **truth**

"the truth... "  
I whispered stopping my fist a second before it went crushing against the mirror.

"aaaaaffff what am I even doing? Com'on it's unlikely someone will check under Bakkin's nails and he is way too dumb to think about it... again Nijito, you must never act under the effect of emotions"  
I said massaging my temples thinking what I could have done better

"Bakkin was knocked out for good right, if I had immediately noticed he scratched me I could have spent a minute of my time cleaning his nails, maybe with a napkin and some alcohol...yeah alcohol like I had the habit of always carrying some with me. Given the fact I had a knife the best solution would have been cut off his fingers and fed them to a stray dog" (A/N dark!)  
I conveyed putting in order all the options I had available at the time

"...mmm nope I don't think I'd have the resolve to do something as efficent as that."  
Immaging to really cut off someone's finger, no not my style too ruthless

"Com'on Nijito my buddy let bygones be bygones and start searching mother's trousse, inside it there is that eyeliner... fard uh, whatever useful to cover bruises"  
I told myself slapping my own cheeks.

OUCH

 _right still injured better disinfect everything_

* * *

After I managed to polish and clean that a riot of purple and red which was my face, I found myself to face my greatest challenge yet: Applying makeup... yes, I'm serious. I'd never imagined using those...things...could be so difficult, just to find the fard with the same colour of my skin I went half mad and God save me I spent an entire hour trying to obtain a homogeneous result. What had started as an experiment to see if covering my injuries with makeup actually worked, turned out to be a merciless battle between me and that damn palette that wouldn't make me prettier! I mean...ehm make me look more anonymous.

"Okay...I guess nobody will notice anything tomorrow if I put on the same make up...still everybody who saw me even once will notice all my skin turned magically darker"  
I muttered studying my face in the mirror.

My eyebags were gone under layers and layers of make up, my long black hair all sorted and far from the eyes... I seemed a normal kid who needed an haircut, to be fair I barely recognized myself, I looked so quiet so relaxed. This boy in the reflection wasn't me, it was just another mask that covered my face instead of my mind.  
If I had added a few touches of color here and there, a fake beauty spot under the eye and maybe a tiny scar on the chin  
 _puff  
_ Not even I could have recognized myself

"mmmm well at least out of this shitty situation I learned something new!"  
I mumbled slightly smirking towards the result of my first make up session

True, I needed to improve and I could have done better, yet...I could have done worse, so it counts like a victory right?

"mmmmmmmmmm"  
I made a few grimaces: puffing cheeks, crossing eyes, sticking out my tongue, that kind of stuff.

... why I kept wasting my TTTTTTIIIIIIIMMMMEEE

"World's calling Nijito. World's calling Nijito. World's calling Nijito, time to play is over. Reality wants you back"  
I whispered like a sad meowing

And so gulping down my hesitation I wore my pajama and went in the kitchen to face my orange enemy made of paper.  
Now it was only me and that letter.  
Breathing deeply I grabbed that orange curse, my heart was beating fest as if I was holding a poisonous snake. how was it possible that I, **I** could fear so much a piece of crumpled paper and a weirdly untouched red seal of wax.

This had to be the least dangerous thing I did today, but God I had suffered so much to obtain this damn letter and while I wanted to know the truth behind it so badly it hurt doubts such as: "what if I made a mistake, what if I just directed the attention of dangerous people towards me!" were springing in my mind like flowers

 _*sssssssiiiiiiigggghhhhhhh  
_

 **Calm down I had to CALM down.**

Nothing good would happen if I approached this matter without having **freaking calmed down** first... OOOHHHHHMMMMMMM peace of mind OOOHHHHHMMMMMMM peace of mind, peace of mind peace of mind peace of mind, _peace of mind peace of mind peace of mind peace of mind peace of mind peace of mind,_ peaceofmindpeaceofmindpeaceofmindpeaceofmindpeaceofmindpeaceofmindpeaceofmindpeaceofmindpeaceofmindpeaceofmind

"Calm, so now what can I do to use my Homo sapiens brain to stop the Murphy's law from striking"  
I said staring upon the orange piece of paper doing my best Buddha-like face.

To be honest I wasn't sure about what to do: opening the letter was out of question, since that action deleted the option of delivering the letter myself.  
Why would you deliver the letter yourself Nijito might ask someone.  
well logically thinking, it was improbable that all the answers I was seeking could be inside this letter, and most importantly it was IMPOSSIBLE that a man careful as Kori Yukinoshita would use Bakkin to deliver messages above a certain level of sensibility, let alone magical matters...So to me the contains of the letter mattered little in comparison to the traffic of information the letter could give me access to if I used it properly.

Bakkin must have been one of the rats Yukinoshita used to spread information among other rats: a pawn that he could discard at any moment, while the piece of paper in my hand: nothing more than ordinary orders.

"Still let's see how many secrets can I reveal out of you"  
I muttered searching for a torch.

It took me a couple of minutes, then without rest I turned it on behind the orange paper; the artificial light penetrated through the letter delineating in transparence a single page with just a handful of characters on.

"Regards..sec-sectio-section chief, I want the v-the veeeeeeeeee, ehm the verbal ready for...next monday"  
I slowly read narrowing my eyes

"and that's it?"  
I asked myself biting my lower lip confused.

That couldn't be **it!** I mean the message was just sentence a totally unsuspicious sentence, just a simple request to an employee. Why would anyone even bother to use a messenger for something like this! Couldn't Yukinoshita use telephones, faxes or e-mails to send messages like this!

"Employing a highly paid messenger to deliver 11 stupid words...very suspicious"  
I groaned while my guts kept troubling, there was something more I had yet to find.

"If I was a rich, influential (most likely) Magus.. I wouldn't have any problem in my life...bad thoughts Nijito, bad thoughts"

"Again. If I was a rich, influential Magus why would I use delivery boys? To keep the level of secretiveness as high as possible? No first rule of scandalistic news, more people know something more chances there are that someone speaks too much.  
mmmm I'd use delivery boys to send messages in places I can't reach through any safer mean... so continuing this line of thoughts Yukinoshita must be working with ordinary men that stay in places where there is no field, like sewers, tunnels or other places far from the center. Or he's simply a paranoid that uses street childs who won't refuse easy money and are easy to make disappear, to deal trivial messages... **that must encrypted to avoid any leak of information** **with a invisible ink or any other technique!** "  
I said holding my nose bridge

I was an idiot

How could I have not thought about encoded messages immediately! I had stalked at least a dozens of illicit couples that used meaningless words or lines to decide rendezvous point or to pass any kind of messages: **Saying everything while saying nothing...** hell I wasn't even sure the message Bakkin was carrying wasn't just a part of a bigger one.

Yukinoshita Kori was meticulous and probably wouldn't really trust anybody, if he decided to use street kids as delivery men he must have had for sure a perfectly logical reason, balanced in risks and benefits  
Sewers  
Tunnels  
Street kids  
encoded messages

It was obvious  
Yukinoshita was making moves on a very large scale, probably the whole city.  
He was using as pawns (messengers) kids he could easily dispose off, to arrive in places he couldn't reach alone  
all the pawns must have been habitual goers of the various areas so none would bother to notice them near the delivery points.  
And even if one of those pawns was caught no important information would leak from carefully encoded messages.

 **this was game across all Chiba  
with all its parts hidden in plain sight.**

* * *

It seemed I was going to get involved in something much bigger than me

how troublesome

* * *

That night I went to sleep not out of will but out of necessity, I barely had the strength to clean my face from the make up.

"Need. More. Canned. Coffee. In. Fridge. Have. To. Increase. Waking. Hours"  
I muttered sinking on my bed's pillow.  
I was too tired, I could feel conscience being dragged deeper and deeper down in a sea of slumber by all the fatigue...  
The last thing I remembered before drifting away from this world was the omnipresent scent of the books scattered around my room

I really hoped that at least in my dreams I could find some peace and quiet...but unfortunately reality hated me more than I imagined.

* * *

"etto...Where am I?"  
I asked

"standing on a road silly"  
responded a sweet voice behind my back

"Thanks mom I can see that, but why am I standing on a road?"  
I asked once more as the defined silhouette of my mother appeared besides my left side

"because we are taking a walk, why are making so many stupid questions son? I thought you were the smart one this house"  
Retorted another silhouette popping out from my right

"waa Dad don't appear from behind me like that! you scared me! Besides we never take walks so my insecurities and questions are perfectly explainable"  
I puffed my cheeks startled and embarrassed

"Dear don't be such a tease Nijito is just excited to spend some time with us, right Niji-chan?"  
laughed a bit Mama

"...yes"

"Is that so? Well I guess it's fine, why don't we start to walk again"  
said my father gently pushing my back

"Sure"  
I smiled harder than I ever did before

"ahah Oni-cwaan hooowlld me"  
A tiny hand tugged my clothes

"mmm as you wish imotou-chan"  
I grinned lifting up my little sister

"Now you two start walking or we will leave you behind"  
my parents said at the unison extending their hands towards me

"yes"  
I roared trembling like an autumn leaf

I-I-I was going to be with mom dad and my sister, I could really obtain the only thing I really wanted, **I just had to step forward, take a single step and I was going to** **be together with them.  
** _*arf arf_  
my breathing was heavy I could feel my heart pound loud as a firework explosion

"com'on I have just to move my foot"  
I whispered while imotou-chan's weight seemed to disappear from my arms.

suddenly the world around me started to blur  
What was happening?

 _ ***thwon  
**_ An ominous sound started to echo from every possible corner of the world distorting all the images I could see.  
I was starting to lose my parents sight.  
I couldn't see my parents clearly anymore.  
nononononononononononononono  
don't leave me behind  
 **don't leave me behind**

"DAMMIT ONE STEP, one step one _step"_  
I tried to rise my foot, yet I seemed made of stone.

I couldn't move  
I couldn't m- _ ***thwon**_

* * *

 ** _*SSPPPLLAAAAAAASSSHHHHHHHH_**

"awwlalwalw ehwm ehme heme graaahh A POOL!? Where am I"  
I coughed and screamed emerging from chloris water.

why was I in a pool?  
Why was I again in my Nishina swimsuit?  
Where were Mom, Dad, imotou-ch...uh?  
what was I talking about?  
where were who?

"Nishina-chan wow you can hold your breath for really long!"  
a cheerful girl called "my" name

"eh Chitose-san why are you here?, no actually where am I"  
I asked to the voice actress I yesterday totally lost.

what the hell was going in on here?

"Uhm... learn to swim with your favorite Seyuus?"  
she responded sounding confused.

wait it was a question or an affirmation?

"Is that a question of an affirmation?"  
I voiced my thoughts

"what? An affirmation of course"  
Chitose responded flustered

"you sounded weird"  
I rebuked aggravating the embarrassment of the voice actress

"just because you're acting weird"  
she said annoying my ears

 _what did she say! I wasn't weird AT ALL_

"OI I am not acting weird, it's the swimming lesson that should have ended hours ago!"  
I puffed my cheeks reddening at frightening speed,

I wasn't weird was I?

"UH Are you Okay Nishina, you have become all red, did you stay under water too much?"  
muttered Chitose moving in front of me and bending froward

"NO, and don't touch my forehead I do not have a fever"  
I shook trying to escape from the tiny cured hands of the girl

"if you say so..."  
the girl pouted before trapping me in a surprise hug

unwanted physical contact unwanted physical contact unwanted physical contact MAYDAY

"Chitose-san let me go"  
I struggled to free myself , or at least pretended to struggle..I liked this warm  
maybe this physical contact wasn't so unwanted, maybe I liked being hugged

"oh I know what can make you return normal"  
the voice actress thought in loud voice

"again I am perfectly normal no-"  
I protested, but

"want to go play with me and the others"  
Chitose striked a soft spot

suddenly I felt shyness pervade my heart and squeaked a  
"...can I?"  
in low voice

"sure just one thing "  
responded the Seyuu sounding a bit strange

no she didn't sound strange just a lot colder than normal, practically emotionless.

"..yes?"  
I asked vaguely troubled by her change of timber.

something felt wrong, terribly wrong.  
incredibly anxious I tried to calm my worries searching for Chitose Karasuma's kind eyes,  
yet as I rose my eyes to stare directly in the voice actress face I found no iris, pupil or horny just two dark holes in her skull

" **Nijito why did you take those pictures**?"  
whispered the eyesless woman before exploding in a storm of photographs.

* * *

mom dad where are you ?

* * *

 _Chitose...what did I do to you?_

* * *

Why did they leave me behind ?

* * *

 _Have I to always hurt people?_

* * *

 **Nijito  
(first one)**

 **Nijito  
(second one)  
**

 **...  
get out from my dreams  
remain in that desert  
you're already dead  
**

 **TRY REST IN PEACE  
YOU HAVE ALREADY SUFFFERED ENOUGH**

* * *

as you wish  
 _as you wish_

* * *

"...Fuck rest not even in my dreams..."  
I said waking up all sweaty

everything around me was dark, yeah there was close to no light in my room, what time was it?  
5:27  
... pff I didn't even let my alarm ring.

"really I didn't even sleep five hours. _*fuuu_. Okay it isn't so bad, today I have a bunch of things to do, better waking up before than after..."  
I muttered still a little stunned.

crap I went to sleep yet I remained very tired talk about injustice

"Definitely need some coffee"  
I complained slipping out from my bed.

geez five hours and ten minutes weren't enough to recover all my energies and as if it was not enough my hair were a mess: really I resembled an annoyed hedgehog and so repeatedly brushing my long hair with my hands I tried to calm down that ferocious mane on my head...with no results.

"okay I give up"  
I grunted losing against my hair-locks and leaving the room.

first thing to do was breakfast so I rapidly made my way towards the kitchen throwing quick stares at the bedrooms of my parents and sister: they were empty of course. Damn I didn't even know why I dared to hope something would have been different today.

scratching my back I opened the fridge and gulped down my usual morning can of coffee, conspicuous amount of sugar and caffeine began to flow in my bloodstream reactivating the parts of my brain left on the pillow.

"Okay better now I'm definitely better, neuroreceptors activate activate activate yourself and OKAY I'M DEFINITELY UP"  
I crumpled up the can and tossed it in the trash bin

After that I cooked the breakfast for my family in my usual 68 seconds put it in the secret elevator behind the basket of fruit picture, Uh I barely needed to stay on my tip-toes, I had grown up! Yeah, oh wait I had grown up I needed to spend money to buy new clothes...dammit.

"I will buy something this evening if I have time left"  
I said going to dress up.

Today I had to move quite a bit and was going to stay in centre, so among all the clothes in my "wide" wardrobe I chose the most anonymous t-shirt and trousers in my possession, then went to prepare my back pack for the day.

"So usual equipment aside I need to have my new knife, my emergency cash, extra batteries for the camera and maybe a map of Chiba"  
I thought putting everything I was going to need inside my cool PreCure backpack.

subsequently I reached the bathroom and (God why you forsaken me) wore my make up, fortunately given that this time I already knew how I wanted to look like it took me less time to cover all the bruises, sure the overall work could still be improved, but I was pretty delighted by the result: I nearly looked like a person who gets eight hours of sleep every night.

"I'm heading outside"  
I said to no one in particular before well...heading outside.

it was still pretty early, the sun had just started to peak above the horizon and there wasn't a soul around the street, Lucky! I hated crowds or being in a place with many people in general, yet today I needed to hide this weakness why? Well because after I'd delivered the Seyuus photo's to AnimeHEY! (still an horrible name in my opinion), I was going to talk with very shady individuals.  
why? someone might ask again  
and again I'd say, well because on the letter I stole there was no address so I didn't know where it was going to be delivered and I had no idea where Yukinoshita gave all his letters to the various minions: in a few words I didn't have a single clue about where to start my investigations. Sure I'd eventually came out with something, but more time passed and less meaningful the letter in my possession become: for that reason I had to move as quickly as possible and that meant...I definetly needed some help.

"I'm sure the informers are going to make me spend all my money in a way or another"

* * *

"e-e-xcuse me miss"

"..."

"excuse me miss"

"..."

"EXCUSE ME MISS!"

"Uh, who? what? when? where? why?"

"Excuse me miss, No, no **not up there** , yeah! I'm down here, hello ... _fucking finally_ "

"oh a little boy? uhm what can I do for you?"

"I've an... an appointment with Shuwa-san"

"Really? are you his niece or something?"

 _Me? that fat Otaku? related? Hell no!  
_ "N-no actually, etto I'm here to deliver a few pictures"

"a few pict- pardon my impudence you must be Nikuji, the delivery boy of Two-san"

"y-yes it's...it is me"  
 _fantastic the fat pervert not only is fat and a pervert, but has a wide mouth too!_

"wow I thought it was a joke but you really are a delivery boy who's six yea-"

"nearly eight! I mean I-I...I'm not six I'm almost eight years old."

"Oh sorry I'm not really good with children"

"N-nothing"

"please go in the third room on the left, that's Shuwa-san's studio he's waiting for you"

"thank you"

* * *

"This is going to be very taxing on my patience"  
I thought walking through the corridor of the AnimHey building

again what a terrible name.

I was placing step after step with surgical precision, trying to incorporate my body language with the indecisive and innocent facade of Nikuji, one of my many alias. Playing the part of a dumb child first in the morning uh! What a pain! Fortunately I just had to leave a few photographs take my money and flee, I didn't think I'd be able to hold up my mask for too long in this smelling, moldy building.

I mean this was for sure the most unprofessional newspaper headquarters I ever seen: it was way past 8:30 and half of the staff had yet to arrive, the coffee machine was out of coffee, judging by all the tense faces everybody was behind their schedule and various poster with the name of the magazine were lying on the ground. Out of curiosity I looked at those poster and dammit who the hell designed them: seven anime girl with disproportionate assets and flashy hairs that wouldn't attain those colors not even after experiencing radioactive fallout, lifting up the writing "AnimHey"... okay for the last time really who even came up with something so stupid, God if I were the one in charge of this place I'd have already fired him.

"Okay Nikuji-kun it's your time to shine, remember be shy, unconsciously sharp, indecisive and show immediately the only spicy polaroid picture you have: more Otaku-san's distracted by boobs less attempts to trick you he'll do"  
I told myself crossing the door of the smellyest and most full of figure office I ever had the displeasure of be in

 _"I'm doing it for money I'm doing it for all those precious useful money_... G-Good morning Shuwa-san"  
I announced myself

"Uh _*sluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrppppp_ Nitami, nitari _ehm_ Nikuji-kun you already here, sorry if I'm in this state I thought you were going to arrive later"  
said Shuwa-san, a. k a. Otaku-san literally slurping down an entire mug of coffee.

Oh now I knew why the coffee machine was out of coffee this pig took it all for himself, and this scent? Ah just perfect! From his breath Otaku-san had definitely been drinking... getting drunk on the night before a working day, talk about sadness. Oh well if he was still a little uninhibited this sale was going to be easier than I expected.

"I bro-brought the pictures you asked for, Two-san took 18 pictures 9 of them requires an M rating, here is a s...sample"  
I said keeping up my facade and throwing on the table my trademark Polaroid photo.

it was a simple close-up of Chitose Karasuma turned at three quarters while taking off her bra, leaving aside the lewd context aside I was pretty proud of that photo because I had caught the young voice actress completely immersed in a faint light that outlined her delicate frame.

"ohhhh Two-san knows his stuff, this sample is... is"

 _"beautiful, amazing, a piece of art, com'on Otaku-san praise my superlative job"_

"fapping material of first class"

"yes I kno-WHAT!? Fa-? WHAT!?"

"a no nothing little boy I said **Fantastic** material of first class...yeah first class"

"...sure, so we have a deal the memory card with all the pictures for the agreed price"  
I muttered resisting the urge to scream against the...eh sweaty and red Otaku...Oh God he was aroused

"yeah yeah, take the money, take them, here now sorry I've to use the bathroom"  
said the man giving me a envelope full of yen before running away from the studio

I doubted I ever felt so disgusted in my life

"I swear if he tried to trick me I'll set This place on fire"  
I thought already studying the first step in my pyrotechnics career

Fortunately (for him) all my money were in their place

* * *

"gross gross gross gross, I'll never accept another job from these people, sure the pay was awesome in comparion to how easy he job was, but still I had a bit of pride in my craft, I don't pretend approval on moral level, but com'on my skills are a real deal. "  
I told myself coming out from the AnimHey building

Gosh I really just wanted to put more distance possible between myself and this place.  
"can't belive people actually buy the garbage that comes out from this Dumbster, ah dumb ster nice one Nijito"  
I mentally high-fived reaching a bus-stop, standing to my Pockemon watch I had just to wait five minutes before my ride

So I took out from my back-pack my usual black notebook plus pen and draw a line above the writing "Deal Photos". Well well the first thing on my list of chores had been completed, now I had only other seven million things left to do...yeeeeee... why did my life suck so much?

"okay let's see I have thirty four contacts to check half of them are homeless that usually stay in places near Yukinoshita's building, the other are half are professionists and are more scattered around the city...I guess that before lunch I can at least talk with ten or twelve"  
I thought reading all the notes I had at my disposal.

Ever since I started working with the alias of Two I realized that unless I found a way to gather as much information as possible in a short time, my photographer career was going to be short lived. Newspapers and TV news could only give me information that were old or close to useless , so one day I took the map of Chiba encircled the places where people that wanted to hide were more likely to go and searched for homeless that frequented those zones; then I just had to use a bit of money, medicines or other stuff and managed to obtain new sets of eyes and ears.

Locally in order to mantain active all my contacts every two weeks I went to meet all of them and delivered various goods; plus I daily passed in front of innocent places such as convenience stores or a bus stops to check if there were any squares drawn with dirt in precise points, Why? Because that was the signal that indicated something interesting had been noticed by one of my homeless spies. Let me explain, it's a rudimental yet effective method: each of my additional set of hears and eyes has his own spot to mark if they want to contact me, when I found such a mark (the square to be clear) in said spot I reached a predetermined rendevouz point at a predeterminated hour and using adequate exchange goods I bought information. **Simple and practical.**  
Sometimes if I searched for precise information or had to follow determinate people I did the same thing, went in a precise spot draw a triangle with dirt, moved to the rendevouz spot at noon of the day after and then made requests.  
Sure the news I obtained in this way weren't always useful, in fact sometimes they were utterly useless, but in every case they helped me to "be" everywhere in the city.

To be honest I spent a lot time and energies to select the right people for the job: first I had to list all the homeless that staied in places of relevance, second eliminate from the candidates subjects who made regulary use of drugs, weren't smart enough or just didn't take me seriously (dumb choice), third individualize the most perceptive, elusive and sad ones, fourth discover what could control them: sigarettes, medicine, food, a person...

 **If I found a single string that could turn them in my puppets**  
 **they were what I needed for the job**

"Oh perfect the bus is here, today I will do everything on time"

* * *

"And now the Local news

Yesterday Aikasa Baki a young drug dealer 17 years old was found unconscious in the residential area of the city, apparently he had been stabbed in his leg with a small knife and then choked, probably a fight between small criminals. He is currently being hold by local police for illegal possession of cannabis.  
Another scandal widespread on the web and scandalistic newspaper this morning, the Paparazzo Two strikes once more this time to damage eight voice actress of age between 18 and 21.  
Continues the investigation of the traffic lights failure in the west part of the city that yesterday caused over two dozen of injured.  
to you the line Yuikiji-san"

"Already on the news? I didn't expect that trashy magazine to work so fast"  
I said stopping in front of an domestic appliances shop that had a window filled with televisions tune in on the news.

"Well Two-san has gained quite the popularity in the past few months, he has many eyes on himself, he's practically a local news himself it doesn't really matter what he does, what's important is that he did it"  
Told me a man in his mid-thirties dressed with greasy clothes and with a thick scarf despite the warm weather

"..Omoi, I was searching for you"  
I muttered without making eye contact and peering for short at the oxygen bottle he carried with him

"I know little boy"  
The homeless responded

"Spying on me?"  
I asked activating the facade number 15 named, **I'm tiny but mess with me and I will do a "loves me not loves me" with your fingers,** or how I liked to call it Tsun-Tsun

Basically I just acted like myself but exalted my tough guy nature and hid how much rotten I was inside

"I wouldn't dare... I just saw Haruka begging two blocks from here, she had a new asthma inhaler, I imagined you were around"  
he said inhaling a little air from his can.

Omoi Satou, the fourth homeless of my net I met today, he was a "particular" guy who usually lived around the centre of Chiba that always kept his eyes on the news; he was one of my most active informers and I often used him as an example for all the other homeless of the net: I sometimes gave him more flashy rewards to push the other informers to imitate his productiveness. To be fair I genuinely liked him: he was smart enough to be useful, laughed at my horrible jokes and, thanks to his belief that the Government poisoned the air of the cities to manipulate its citizens, he was extremely easy to control

"Here your insulin"  
I said drawing from my back-pack a refrigerated plastic box

"Oh perfect I'll ask the owners of the restaurant on the corner to keep it fresh in the fridge for these two weeks, sorry I don't have with me your other box I didn't expected to meet you today"  
Muttered the man carefully taking the box from my hands.

"You know if you just stopped to waste your money on all those useless cans of oxygen you wouldn't need me to bring you a life saving medicine every two weeks"  
I said faking a concerned expression.

I mean sure I was holding someone's life in my hand and it was quite a responsibility, Bbbbuuuttttt hell I had a ever fatithful puppet in exchange. Put in simple terms Omoi was crazy and would have never changed his mind: he actually ended up on the street because he wasted all his money on oxygen and **it wasn't my problem** he made his choise.  
And speaking of choises he decided to entrust his safety to me, reckless, but it benefitted me so again: **it wasn't my problem.** I asked sporadically why he would continue to waste money just to keep appearances and see if his loyalty was beginning to waver

"Ah my sweet ignorant boy, how can you say such foolishness. wasting money _au contraire_ I'm making an investment, when all of you shall become mindless puppets of this society after the venomous influx of the gas they're spreading I'll be the only one who'll remain himself"  
Omoi said with wide gestures.

well his loyalty was definitely intact

... _smart, laughed at my jokes, but definitely a freak_

" yeah yeah, try to survive your diabetes before the poisonous gas, would ya? Two-san can't make any use out of a death man"  
I eyed the man with a sharp gaze.

" As our kind pathron Two desires...so little boy what brings you here today?"  
said the man indicating a secondary alley where to speak.

"A letter"

"Oh which letter? A, B, C, D, F"

"Not that kind of letters! You skipped the E by the way"

"To confuse the Government!"

"What? It doesn't make sens-okay you know what? I give up, ugh! When I said letter I meant a paper one"

"Oh? I see a letter letter"

"Yes a letter letter for the past few months many orange letters sealed with red wax, such as this one"  
I whispered taking out from my awesome back pack the orange curse

"Have been circulating around the city, Omoi do you know something about this precise topic"  
I handed to him the letter

"Let me think...I might have heard a rumor or two, something about easy money, and I think I have seen the symbol on the wax seal before"  
Omoi muttered studying the letter and the seal which represented a hand holding a gear.

...Now that I thought about it I realized never studied the symbol on the seal...was I dumb or something?

"Does it remind you of anywhere in particular?"  
I asked trying to hide the visceral thirst I had for information

"Mmmm no...right now no"  
he gave back the letter

"...I see, for now I need you to keep an eye open around every Yukinoshita building in your area: letters carryer are likely to be pretty young, pass close to those buildings and direct towards the industrial area. Also keep your hears open for any rumor regarding orange letters"

"Peculiar it's the first time Two-san bothered to send you to directly contact me just do deliver such _vague orders"_

CRAP! He has realized that something was wrong

"ehm eh...rrrrr Two-san... Knows something big it's happening, yet there are still too little information"  
I spitted trying to come out with something credible

"Oooooohhhh this sounds promising"

Wait it actually worked?

"I suppose the conditions are the usual: observe don't interact and report"

"Yes... but this time you have to be extra careful and any valuable information will be rewarded more than normal"

"Is that so?"

"Yeah also the day after tomorrow there'll be a meeting in the usual place and...please share all the information you recover with the others,faces of letter carries, hot locations, Two-san wants all the pieces of this puzzle"

"Mmmm it think it's the first time Two-san acts so... frantically"

AH! Another sharp comment! Have to play along, have to play along

"...You're right...Two never moved on such wide scale without some signs before"  
I commented trying to reabsorbs the cold sweat dropping on my back

"Is it possible that Two-san is personally involved in this case?"  
Said Omoi unknowingly stabbing my soul with his cold words

"...Maybe"

"I'd say it's not my business than... it's just...in comparison to the detailed instructions Two-san usually gives. Ehm right now there's practically nothing to work on"

"Well not my fault, see you the day after tomorrow"  
I waved off,

Really, today Omoi seemed more perceptive than usual, I'd better move out before I let something ungraceful slip through my lips

"Leaving already little boy?"  
asked the homeless breathing a bit of his oxigen

"I need to deliver the news to the others around here"  
I began to rush away

"I see No wait! Little boy don't bother searching for Nanase and Kyota, none saw them in a week"  
Omoi jumped to block my shoulder

"NANI!"  
I roared suppressing the visceral instinct to punch him, I hated being touched!

"Yes they disappeared like this _puff, just_ last Wednesday"

"Dammit and now who will cover their areas?"  
I widen my eyes as my perfect net had been suddenly holed

(A/N for those who never realized when you hole a net there are less holes than before... SHOCKING TRUTH!)

Shaking my head I began to madly repeat  
"Oh this's bad, now what do I do, this is very very very very ba-"

"You might ask to Amakura"  
Interrupted me the oxigen freak

"Amakura, like Amakura the cat obsessed Amakura, the one with that shiny ring Amakura?"  
I asked rising an eyebrow while the face of a juvenile drunkard popped in my mind

"Him and he prefers to be reffered as Neko nya-nya lover"  
Confirmed my thesis Omoi

"Sure... but he doesn't stay in this area, he handles the west one"  
I said skeptically

"Didn't you heard the news young boy? Yesterday there was an incident that caused many injured"  
Snapped his finger the homeless

"Wasn't just a traffic light failure?"  
I rose even more my eyebrow

"Not standing to Amakura..."

 _what was that supposed to mean?_

"..."

"I don't know the details but apparently something blocked everything that was electronic and then bunch of people fainted together"

 _sounded like something magical_

"Really?! I mean it's Amakura we are talking about so he might have been lying"  
I tried to get away from the speech.

 **I didn't want to believe another problem was crossing my path**

"Possible yet..."

 **I didn't want to believe it**

"Something definitely scared him enough to make him change area"

 **but how could _I_ reject the truth**

* * *

After parting away with Omoi I walked in search of Amakura for a while metabolizing the information at my disposal:

1-There were rumors of the orange letter going around  
2-Amakura _unknown surname_ age twenty-one gray hair additction to vodka had been scared by a magical fenomena  
3-Nanase _unknown surname_ and Kyota _unknown surname_ disappeared

For the first two points there wasn't really something I could add without further investigations yet with the third I could make some assumptions: Nanase and Kyota were two women around their fifties, incessant smokers and didn't like to change their routine, they were far from attractive and their life had close to zero relevance in the world so it was improbable they were abducted of something...

"I guess those two got involved in letter trafficking, so I can imagine that someone got rid off them after they discovered something or (less likely) they ammassed enough money to leave the street"  
I said walking near to a shady alley full of trash bags.

In both cases they must have left behind some evidences so there was a chance this so called "tragedy" could turn out to be a good news... for me of course

"Dammit now I have to: check those two usual hide-outs, figure out what the hell happened, search for Amakura and complete my other errands. As if my schedule wasn't already full enough. If another thing dared to pop in my way I swear I'm going to explode"  
I thought while a sudden head-ache split my brain in two parts SO MANY THINGS TO DO!

please nothing extra today universe no more problems

"Oi oi oi look who we got here"

* _internal screaming_ **I hate this world so much**

I recongnized that voice, it was K the leader of my teppists "friends".

"Shit the situation is going to become annoying"  
I thought preparing my facade and my mind to intact with that petty criminal

God why the hell was he around these parts? Leaving aside the idea he should have been at school, but seriously why the fuck was he here? Now I had to wait for him, talk to him, **get away** from him and dleay further my oversatured schedule!

"Besides why is he taking so long, his voice sounded close"  
I turned myself realizing K was nowhere to be found

Ara? Well that was weird, I guess I was just imagining things... I should've probably slept more this morning

I was just ready to go on my way but  
"K who's this guy I have never seen him here before?"  
Another familiar voice spoke and this time I was sure it came from thew shady alley full of trash I just passed

Oh good news I wasn't going crazy.  
Bad news K and his right hand Mochi were near by

"Why these two are in this part of Chiba?"  
I thought flattering myself against the alley's wall to check what they were doing.

Okay there were Mochi, K standing and a man around his twenty against a wall, he looked vaguely drunk, he seemed familiar.

"Mmmmmm I'd say those two intimidating someone before rob him, well not my business, bye bye stranger sucks to be you"  
I told myself before turning my back and _adieu_

"He is that freak that lives surrounded by cats and do card tricks near that disgusting Chinese resturnat Bakkin likes so much"  
grunted K

Freak, Cats...( **swearing suitable for no rating** )

"Oh Goddamit Amakura!"  
I dranw from my back-pack Bakkin's knife and hid it in my sleeve

"Ah now I rember him, OH. MY. GOD. WHAT. IS. THAT? K look at this freacking homless neck?"  
Said Mochi while I was thinking about what to do

"If it's some strange pimple I don't wanna see it"

"Naaa those things are only on the back of ya granma, look at that freaking ring he got there"

"No shit that things must worth a fortune, did you stole it mr Cat freak?"

"... _Nwo twat's mwine...I cowuold Go for some wine_!"

"No? This prick said no Mochi"

"How shameless, he thinks he can fool us"

"Do you think you can fool us?"

"... _nwo?_ "

"What?"

" _Nwoooooooooooooo_ "

 _*punch_

"AARR"

"Have you heard Mochi he wanted to fool us again"

"How stupid and now look! He's crawling like a worm, he wants to escape what shall we do K?"  
Asked Mochi pointing at Amakura crawling on the ground and bleeding from the nose

"teach him a lesson?"  
proposed K raising his foot

"What a **kick** -ass idea"  
responded Mochi

wait was that a pun?

 _*kick_

"Aaaahhhh"

 _"_ ouch! that must have hurt, sure not as much as the a pun still _... *kick_ ouch _"  
_ I thought while those two psychopaths were ruining my employe

Sooooo was it better wait oooorrrr come on stage, mmmm well if I waited I'd leave unscarred and without corrupting my connection with the teppists gang, but paying up with Amakura's proficiency with his work  
*kick kick kick  
"Aaaaaaahhhh my liver that's already destroyed on his own!"  
On the other hand if I were to step in the alley the situation would become terribly annoying, I would have to use diplomacy, see diplomacy fail, use violence and if it didn't work use **more violence** just to save Amakura... was it worthy?

"please don't touch my ring it was from my family"

 **Oh fuck everything!**

"K, Mochi stop"  
I stepped in the alley standing proud and fierce with my PreCure backpack

"Uh Ni?"  
"Oh look who's there Ni-cchi, wanna join us teaching this piece of trash a lesson?"  
Greeted me in their own way the two teppists

"No thanks K, he works for my same boss, just leave him be"  
I said closing the distance between me and the dirty man lying on the ground... A. k. a Amakura

"Well we'd like Ni, we'd really like, but this guy here disrespected us right Mochi?"

"Right K"

"Oh please, at least try to be believable, I heard everything and I'm sure you two assholes were already aiming for his ring, so stop this act"  
I rose my arms theatrical

my plan was simple: I wanted to take the attention upon myself, distract them as long as I could, give Amakura get precious time to escape,and then run myself easy

"Oh hi there kiddo did you bring me some Tuna, also I'm bleeding do you have any tissue?"

 **But that frigging idiot was distracted by my actions tooooooo!  
** What was the deal with that guy for crying out loud! They were beating him into a pulp at least he could act accordingly GODDAMIT!

"Shut up you" *kick  
K silenced Amakura

"ahaha the tiny man is talking big K, he wants a lesson too"  
laughed Mochi snapping the knuckles...did he think it was cool?

"Calm down Mochi maybe our little friend here, let his tongue run a bit loose"

"urrggghhh please you two, he did nothing wrong,plus I'm sure that ring is even fake"  
I said discarding all diplomacy and directly taunting them...it was time to switch to plan B

"okay okay I understand"  
Smiled K advancing towards me

Jesus that was the least convincing act of "I'm a good boy" I ever saw  
"GoooOOooooOOoosh, Brat you, have really grown since I taught you how to pick-pocket. Right Mochi?"

"Wait are you seriously givin-"

"RIGHT Mochi?"

"Y-yes"

"Now you even speak back to me, unbelievable. Right Mochi?"  
Smiled even more K stepping closer and closer to me

"Yes.. "

"Okay maybe this plan sounded better in my head"  
I thought tensing all my muscles

"but you know what Nitami"  
whispered K lowering his face to my level

" IT DEFINITELY SOUNDED BETTER IN MY HEAD NOW HE IS GOING TO PUNCH ME! HAVE TO DODGE AND STAB, DODGE AND STAB"  
I thought while a storm of doubts was raging in my head

Why did I step in this alley?

"know what K?"  
I prepared my hidden blade

"I never gave a shit about what people say"  
He said punching my right cheek

 **And.**  
 **Here.**  
 **We.**  
 **Go.**

Suddenly it was like time slowed down and that cold flame I felt against Bakkin returned to burn in my chest. I could feel the adrenaline flow in my veins as I kept staring K's fist.  
"Not yet. Not yet. Now"  
I thought moving my neck fast enough to let that K's punch only graze me then slip away on the greased makeup all over my face.

Phase 1 surprise **check**

"Uh?"  
Stuttered the boy leaving me an opening

" **you're mine** "  
Without any kind of hesitation I traced a silver arc with my knife leaving a long cut on K's face from the centre of his left cheek to under the ear.

Phase 2 scare **check**

"Waaaahhhhhh!"  
Screamed the boy while a crimson gush splashed from his face

Caught by an instinctive fear K backed away holding his wound

"Waaahhh the fucker has a knife!"

He was surprised, and scared I could see it in his eyes. Never understimate me! Abandoning whatever emotion similar to pity or mercy I dashed towards K and grabbed his head.

Phase 3 secure **check**

He tried to free himself but before he could I smashed his face on my knee 1, 2, 3, 4 times making two scarlet rivers pour out from his nose

Phase 4 stun **check K's down**

 **Plan ssss complete!**

Okay the tough one was down

"K!"  
Screamed Mochi charging at me

Now I there was only one asshole left

"yeah come get your girlfriend"  
I mocked Mochi (lol!) tossing aside the half stoned K while doing the "com'on" gesture

"The Fuck you said brat?"

"Ah retarded **and** deaf sucks to be you Mochi, God had only to give you a small dick and... oh wait he did"

"I'll fucking kill you!"

"perfect now he's in my range"  
I grabbed the closest trash bag and throwing it against Mochi

"throwing things like a monkey now!"  
Grunted Mochi blocking with both his hands the trash bag I sent flying straight towards his face.

"No, like someone that kick your ass"  
I roared dashing straight and Mochi's guard hidden by my garbage decoy.

"Thank God for giving me such a tiny target"  
I sent my elbow crashing on his crouch

"Ugh"  
grunted Mochi before I went behind him and slammed the hilt of my knife on his collar bone

 **and two down**

" _Holy shwwwwwiiiiit you actually won_! That's a surprise I didn't even thought you'd come out to help me"  
Clapped his hands the bloody Amakura switching from a drunken speech to a sharp one

"You saw me? Wait are you sober? No not the time Forget it and run. If these two stand up and take me seriously we're dead"  
I brought the man back on his feet

"can you walk?"

"Aye sir!"  
Responded Amakura smiling overly cheerful give his face covered in crimson

"Good"  
I said intimating him to move

"Wait Kitties we're moving out! Nya nya"  
The Homeless screamed calling out from trash bin at least eleven cats

"Okay now we can go kiddo"

"I hope all this mess was worthy"

* * *

(ten minutes later)

"Mochi... Mochi, Mochiiiiiiii my head hurts"

(Mikey mouse voice)  
"K...Fuck you"

"Not after that hit"

"..."

"Mochi...why Nisami had Bakkin's knife"

* * *

 **AND THAT WAS THE END OF THE NIGHTMARE II**  
 **TOOK ME LONG ENOUGH! SORRY IF I FELT A BIT RUSH TOWARDS THE END, BUT IT WAS RUSHED...**

 **WELL AGAIN THE STORY PROGRESSES WITH TINY STEPS AND I GUESS FOR THE MENTAL SANITY OF EVERYBODY I SHOULD REALLY SPEED UP EVERYTHING.  
THIS CHAPTER WANTS TO ADD A BIT INTROSPECTION ABOUT NIJITO'S MIND AFTER HIS SECOND "DEATH", OUTLINING HOW HE GREW COLDER AND VIOLENT, WHILE STILL REMAINING CHILDLISH.  
PUZZLE PIECES OF A MYSTERY START TO POP UP, WHAT'S KORI YUKINOSHITA PLAN? WHY THE HELL THIS SIDE STORY EVEN EXISTS? WILL NIJITO EXISTENCE AFFECT 8MAN OR ANY CHARACTER ANYONE REALLY CARES ABOUT?**

 **I'LL JUST SAY THAT NOW NIJITO WILL NEED AN UPGRADE AND THAT AMAKURA IS GOING TO BE A CHARACTER FROM OREGAIRU EVERYBODY HAS SEEN, BUT NOBODY WOULD EXPECT (JK IN A CHAPTER IT WILL BE OBVIOUS)**

 **THANKS TO EVERYBODY WHO KEEP READING THIS CRAZY STORY OF MINE LET ME NOW EVENTUAL OPINIONS IN YOUR REVIEWS AND SPECIAL** **THANKS TO SEVENTH MOON FOR THE PROLOGUE SUMMARY (LOL)**

 **NEXT TIME...I ACTUALLY DON'T NOW IF START WITH THE HOMUNCULUS OR THE SWORD... THERE'S GOING TO BE JOJO'S REFERENCES AND A RAGING BERSERKER FOR SURE, JUST TO DECIDE WHENEVER IT'S BETTER START WITH THE SERIOUS OR STUPID CHAPTER**


	10. The Homunculus III

**THE HOMUNCULUS III**

* * *

 **BUT FIRST A COMMERCIAL**

" **Ultra Cornflakes Einzbern Holy war** "

"What's your favourite cereal?"  
" **Ultra Cornflakes Einzbern Holy war!** ".

"Which cereal replenish your mana?".  
" **Ultra Cornflakes Einzber Holy war!** "

."That's right! And everyone likes Ultra Cornflakes Holy war! Even our mascot Medusa Gorgon-San".  
"That's right I love...I love. Which was the name again?".

"CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUUUUUUUUT!  
"Medusa, My dear, My splendind Rider it's Ultra Cornflakes Holy War. Did you read your script?".

"Uh ehm I'm sorry Einzbern-san, the Assassin servant from the first commercial spilled his coffee over it and well... no I never read it"

"Wh-What!? Someone give her another script!".

* * *

Take 2

* * *

" **Ultra Cornflakes Einzbern Holy war** "

"What's your favourite cereal?"  
" **Ultra Cornflakes Einzbern Holy war!** ".

"Which cereal replenish your mana?".  
" **Ultra Cornflakes Einzber Holy war!** "

."That's right! And everyone likes Ultra Cornflakes Einzbern Holy war! Even our mascot Medusa Gorgon-San".  
"That's right I love the Ultra Cornflakes Einzbern Holy war: they're the only cereal that are not only tasty, rich in fibers and hypocaloric, but also filled with nourishing mana that comes from the over 30 human fingers squashed among the pralines of chocolate in each box ... _wait what?_ "

Crunch-squak  
* hand put inside the ceral's box

"OH GODS!"

* * *

"CUT CUT CUT CUT CUT CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...T! MEDUSA MY DEAR WHY AREN'T YOU PRASING THE BRAND"

"There are human fingers in those cereals!"

"DUH?! HAVEN'T YOU EVEN WATCHED THE BOX IT'S WRITTEN TWELVE TIMES!"

"you do know I'm wearing a blindfold and I perceive evrything around me through mana scanning"

"...didn't you just read the script"

"It was Braile! I'm out of here"

"Ah but you can't your Master already accepted the fifty boxes of Ultra Cornflakes Einzber Holy war as up-front payment"

"Matou Shinji is not my real Master"

"I wasn't talking about him"

"..."

* * *

 _Emiya residence_

"Senpai I brought a box of special cereals, wanna have some for breakfast"

"But... but Sakura I like cooking breakfast, my tools like cooking breakfast"

"Only for today senpai.. pppllleeeaaassseeee"

"uh I can't say no when you do that face"

"Ah ha Victory, now just pass me a bowl"

"Here"

"There go the cereAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH another ring for my collection of surprises"

"SAKURA THAT RING IS ON A FINGER!"

"yeah... where else it's supposed to be"

"BUT THE FINGER!"

"Oh senpai wanna try one? Thery're delicious I ate like thirty yesterday"

* * *

AND ANOTHER RETARDED CHAPTER BEGAN

* * *

Did you ever wanted to avoid a conversation very badly yet had to go through it no matter what?  
Well I guess that someone will say no.  
And.  
I guess someone else will reminisce about that time when he/she wanted to dump his/her girl/boyfriend and didn't know how.  
Or that time when he/she had to explain to his/her parents why an entire credit card has been dried up on Fate Go.  
Or that other time when he/she had just got dirty from head to foot in blueberry juice and suddenly the police knocked on the door investigating a murder that took place 15 minutes before beside his/her home.  
(Yeah stuff like that happen).

Well let me tell you this in total honesty: **nothing** you experienced is close as bad as telling to a heroic spirit (able to snap your neck with his eyes closed) that his future wife was messing with magical artifacts meant to defy reality itself.

I mean really! I'd gladly watch a marathon of trashy hardcore yaoi anime in order to avoid it... Unfortunately life ain't that easy

* * *

"So let me get this straight Haruno asked you two to help her to activate an Avenger card"  
Said Assassin massaging his temples.

"Yes" "Yes"

"...By patrolling the city and warning her when a servant dies"

"Yes" "Yes"

" And it's likely she wants to use the same artifact Yggdmillenia produced nine years ago to restart the servant cards project"

"Yes" "Yes"

"Fuck"  
Groaned my servant squeezing the VIIs in his eyes while repitely slamming his forehead on the table of directive operations (for normies the kitchen table)

"Wow I never seen the oldman so desperate"  
I thought while my wife was trying to stop my servant with kind words like

"Assassin calm down we're here for you" or"please stop you will get brain damage"

but eventually ending up with

"Hikigaya Hachiman fucking calm down, if you dare to ruin MY forniture I swear you'll never be able to stand again!"

And (oddly enough) it worked, Assassin regained his cool

"Okay I'm calm, I raised 300 brats I can do this... okay let's see: does that psycho woman know that the greater Grail is under the Ryuudou temple? And by that Literally under Caster"  
He asked definitely still worried.

"Apparently" "It seemed so"  
"Sieg we went out of sync" "Ah sorry let's try again"

"yes" "yes"

"A _nd I thought the Homunuculs was the only weirdo. I'm too old for this... B_ rats you did tried to stop her right? like telling her how dangerous her idea was, or how stupid or fucking sucidal. HELL THAT WOMAN AND HER PLANS EVEN THE SALSA LESSONS FOR MARRIED COUPLES WAS LESS IDIOTIC THAN THIS!"  
Snapped my servant leaving me and Jeanne...interdicted? What was wrong with Salsa's lessons?

"Kinda we tried but..." "She didn't want to listen"  
Responded first my wife and then I leaving the oldman's HP in red

"Yeah I can imagine...always doing what she wants ah ah ah. Both of you're sure the card was the real deal, not some worthless copy"  
Hachiman asked as he leaned on the table like an old cat (a deadly one though)

"Yes" "Jen nearly activated it on the spot"  
We said regaining quickly the attention and energy of Assassin

"Come again?"

"Sieg I thought we agreed about the "NEVERMIND plan"

"Sorry dear but with your already delicate condition I'd like to avoid any surprises... the last time you hid something I kind of found you getting more acquainted with the floor"

" 1- 0 for the Homunculus ball in the middle"

"Assassin you're not helping"

"I'm not supposed to, I'm siding with the brat, now Jeanne Hikigaya D'arc the **hell** happened"

"Uh Nothing! All the cards are naturally drawn closer to heroic spirits' mana, when Haruno told us to examine the card I touched it and it started to absorb a bit of energy from me "

* * *

 _*FlashBack_

 _"_ Haru-chan is this thing supposed to shine?"

 _*SSSIIIIIIIWIIWIWIWIWIWIIOW_

"uh noo..."

"Jen, my dear, sweety, that thing is starting to tremble make it stop"

"I don't know how!"

"Oh right if it starts shining there has been a failure of some sort and the card is about to expel excess energy...oh fu- Jen-chan throw it away!"

"It's full of people here!"

"Good thinking my wife! Haruno help me grab a few of them we'll use them as shields!"

* * *

"Yeah, just took a bit of energy from me..."

"Okay Ruler... while holding the card did you feel something? Like: tastes, sounds or smells"

"smoke, I think smelled smoke"

"I see, Sieg did you notice something unusual?"

"Uh no too busy grabbing people"

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing I didn't see anything unsua-, ah no wait Jen eyes turned yellow for a second, but I'm not too sure: I just caught a glimpse under the colored eye contacts"

"Alter form... You just dodged a bullet Arc"

"Uh my servant: what's the alter form?"

"A negative representation of a summoned spirit. Technically speaking the mirror image of a soul, generated by a composition of negative concepts such as: anger, betrayal, fear... let's call it a spirit's shadow"

"An accumulation of dark energy?"

"Close enough. See the Alter transformation as the natural creation of a vengeful spectrum starting from a harmless ghost"

"So a balanced vessel that absorb negativity until it turns in an unstable monster"

"Bull's eyes. My guessing is that the Avenger card coming in contact with our dear Ruler tried to fuse with her. Still since Jeanne's D'arc historical records do not permit the generation of the blueprints for a Jeanne D'arc Avenger servant, the card must have attempted to Alter Jeanne's psyche until the Avenger form became possible"

"The highlighting of my dark sides to suit the Avenger role... But Assassin why did I smell smoke?"

"The Alter form can be triggered from a spirit's darkest moments..."

"My execution?"

"Likely, unless you have experienced other fire related moments oversatured of negative emotions "

"Don't think so...except that time you two set on fire my collection of Church's catalogs from all over the world"

"It was Assassin's fault! ehm... old matters aside. Hachiman what's going to happen to Jeanne"

"I dunno, right now do you feel different gamine? Like you feel more susceptible, have mood swings... well basically are you on your period?"

"Hikigaya your speech is ill mannered, rude and disrespectful, you know that as a servant I can't go through that state"

"...Master my thesis is confirmed, Ruler will be emotionally unstable for the next week "

"I'm not emotionally unstable!"

*Table crushing sound

"You were saying gamine..."

"Okay my bad... any other changes coming?"

"I imagine your "bad girl" action will be elevated to square"

* _GEEEEEEEEEEEE (two servants staring at an hominculus)_

"uh? Nani? What did I do?"

"Ruler...Jeanne, dear daughter in law... Don't wip the brat too hard"

"Daga kotowaru" (A/N who got the reference got the reference)

"I didn't say to stop just not too hard"

"Define too hard"

"Wait stop stop stop, why do you know my wife fetish! Why everyone know my wife fetish"

"brat who think taught her the wrist movement? suggestion me"

"You still need to teach me the proper inclination to pour wax"

" I already told you it depends from candle to candle I prefer 43,7 grades"

"LALALALALALALLALALALA I'm not listening Assassin is asexuated and does not teach my wife how to do S/M stuff LALALALALALA I'M GOING TO FIX THE GYM THERE STILL MY FACE ENGRAVED IN A WALL!"

* * *

"Ruler do you think he is far en*eghyfggg enough?"

 ** _Swdawdewsseswedsewwdv (mana disruption sounds)_**

"... yeah Assassin"

 _Tweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (Mana exaustion sounds)_

"I'm going to collapse in about 40 seconds, you?"

"Now"

 _thun servant falling on the floor_

 _"Can you pass me my blood candies?"_

"Sure here "

"thanks *gnom gnom, I should put more sugar next time"

"Once you have done please give me a hand, things are about to get ugly"

"How ugl-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

 _thum sound of a second servant falling on the floor_

* * *

" **Neuzusammenstellung von Materialien.  
Stärkung der Grundstruktur.  
Schaden zurückgesetzt**

 **(** _recomposition of materials. strengthening of the basic structure. damage reset_ **)**

"Okay that's it! Now my beautiful features are finally gone from this wall"  
I said proud of myself

After five long minutes of precise work I finally managed to remodel the wall of the gym and erase my face engraved in the bricks. (even though It made the whole room prettier)

"Job done, now the great **I** shall return with Assassin and Jeanne"

I proclaimer smiling, yet a tiny part of my brain reminded me the nature of the conversation those two were holding.

my face immediately distorced in horror

"no no no too soon to return close to the perverts, better listen to the local radio news from my smartphone"

I whispered robotically while sweat drops kept falling from my forehead

With hindsight turning on the radio wasn't that great of an idea: there were close to zero news, I just kept hearing an endless repetition of the the same three boring commercials. "Buy this new tooth paste" "The car of the future is here" " Bandages with the offer 3 for 1 at every shop of our chain"...Wait the third one could have been really nice this morning after I nearly become a bloody stain on the wall...

THANKS ASSASSIN YOU DAMN FREAK!

God how could I have spent so many years to realize he's crazy. I mean really " **T** **he snake bares its fangs"** was one sick technique, And Hachiman actually spent years to create it. you know why? JUST because he wanted a cool sparring move!  
NOW tell me if it's normal because in my opinion it's not normal! LIKE AT ALL! He could already spam Marble spells and be considered as a living tactical nuke when he was a teen, BUT NOOOOO HE DECIDED HE NEEDED A MARTIAL MOVE THAT COULD LITERALLY CRUSH A DEATH APOSTOLE'S SKULL INTO PIECES!

(well that sounded kind of cool, like a fatality from mortal combat)

"Dammit Hachiman..."  
I slightly laughed imagining the face of my stupid old man dozing on the sofa.

He had always been my example, even if he had many, no thousands of defects, yet recently a part of me had began to harbour a complicate feeling towards him

* * *

 _Flashback_

"probably it would be for the best, but...I don't want to forget any of them, I want to remember all my lives all my families"

* * *

"You really don't make sense!"  
I screamed letting my voice spread into the gym like a thunder rumble

"You're all about proficiency and precision yet you develope an utterly useless move, yet you refuse to break away from all those futures that keep weakening you!"

An explosion of rage engulfed, and as they were lava all the words I couldn't say straight in front of Assassin's face erupted out of my mouth.

 **"Isn't the present not enough for you!** "  
I roared falling on my knees while from deep within my veins a wave of red energy flared in the room.

*crash crash crash

The gym's mirror shattered into thousands pieces.

"...fuck again, it has been years since the last time it happened "  
I bit my lower lip until a tiny stream of blood began to flow.

"I let my emotion slip out of control. Dammit I believed I was past this phase!"

I brethed deeply in order to restore the emotionless mindset typical of all Homunculi.

The red energy I never thought I'd see it again. Sometimes when I faced particulary negative emotions powerful crimson mana I wasn't acquaintanced with, started to surge from my body and destroy everything within a metre from me: in my opinion it was like a release valve to avoid my mind was poisoned by too many emotions at once...but I wasn't too sure.  
I was only sure that, that thing had a nature similar to Siegfried's energy;  
How could I say: Siegfried's power was like a tornado, this crimson energy was like a volcano, both of them were indomitable, spontaneous and aggressive.

I opted not to reveal Jeanne and Hachiman about this condition of mine because it was a problem that resided in my emotional sphere ANDDD that precise topic was the one I tried to avoid as much as an Harem protagonist avoids meaningful romantic confessions.

" Relax Sieg everything is still fine nobody saw what happened"  
I told to myself compressing my emotion in a corner of my brain like usual

 **Schaden zurückgesetzt  
** (damage reset)

A single wave of magical poer and all the proofs of the mess I just made disappered

All the glass shards went flying from where they came from and the mirror was like anew, for a brief moment as the cracks disappeared I remembered the first time I used magic to escape from my tank in Yggdmillenia castle. I had really grown up from those days, I had become stronger, smarter, met people, made friends... Yet I had the painful awareness that I have never accomplished something on my own, I always followed Assassin's footsteps, I always had Jeanne ready to hold my hand.

I didn't like it, it was like I had somehow tarnished the choice that made me survive nine years ago: when I stopped being S.I.E.G.1 and became Sieg.

Could I be **me** by emulating someone else? By always relying on other people..

No...I had to be me, I had to trace new footsteps.

"Create something mine and only mine."  
I muttered reaching for the bokken I left on the floor

"Well every journey starts with a single step...I should at least try to come out with my version (even though this move is usess)"  
I thought looking my reflection in a gym's mirror

"So I can trust I'm not just the mirror copy of someone else"  
I said assuming the pose of the snake finishing move.

"I reallu hope this is going to serve some purpose"

And then for the 135th time that day I performed **the snake bares its fangs.**

* * *

"198 attempts arf arf and I'm not arf arf a fingle step closer, dammit"  
I collapsed on the floor

"God I feel pathetic. Mph suddenly I feel like I can understand Shizuka sempai"  
I rolled on my left side.

For now I knew the first thirty steps of the snake attack and had adapted them to my fighting style, (good) but I was sure something was missing... like some kind of spark, an energy to make the technique truly mine. (not so good)  
Shit... Doing something the best you can but, never reaching quite the result you expected was... like the hiatus of HxH or Berserk, Yeah it was frustrating.

* * *

 **"Oh it kinds of reminds me of you... a doll that was made to become a new hero, yet decided to remain a bag of flesh with no control over the world around itself.**

* * *

"Hey Siri increase the music"  
I said to cut down my inner voice

There was no mysterious voice in my head it was just my brain still a little damaged by the wall crush.

"music increased Awesome Artificial Human"

perfect

What was I doing yeah my HxH, I mean frustrating results...that maybe weren't only frustrating but also disappointing like the ending of Bleach and Fairy tail and Ersad and I'm losing the point here... Jesus why I didn't even managed to complete all the fifty steps

"this really sucks unless I come out with an Idea to get the sword out of my way for the steps from 31 to 49 I'm never going to create an useful version "  
I muttered pulling my hair back with a hand.

Existence, my sword was too long to allow me to built up speed while moving forward. So the option for me were two:  
1- I changed weapon  
2- I came out with a high speed levitation spell or something along those lines

Since the option one implied throwing away a Noble Phantasm, I'd really preferred the option number two. But of course there was a problem, I didn't know levitation magecrafth actually I only knew battle oriented spells, base and suggestion ones.  
I never really bothered to learn spells that could be easily replaced by mystic codes properly programmed. Besides I already had my hands full trying to master my Heroic Mana and surviving Assassin's training.

"Mmmm if I'm not wrong in my work-shop I still have a couple of remote control talismans from the **phoenix lotus flower** I prepared to kill Sasaki Koujiro, I might be able to implement them with Existence if I force it to shapeshift in Bahalmung"  
I whispered between me and me.

I came out from the gym and without surprise didn't meet anybody, all the condos of this palace were lazy asses, they only went in gym to snap a few picture for instagram and then And OH GOD THE WEAPON I ORDERED HAD ARRIVED THIS MORNING! I TOTALLY FORGOT

* * *

 _meanwhile_

 _"WAAAAAAAA"_

"HACHIMAN!"

"R- _ruler_ a hand please it still weights too much I can't lift it"

"Lift what?"

* _max cofee can materialization_

"Right, **ugh** dear lord how can this thing be so heavy, RRRRRrrrrrrrr okay I'm here, try to hold up your neck. Com'on Assassin. Perfect now drink!, tiny sips"

"Rghhhaaaa I... h ha have to drink like... 100 litres"

"... you serious?"

"Terribly"

"For crying out loud, chunk this stuff down like that champagne bottle at my wedding, you alcoholic servant"

"Are you still blaming me for that?! It's your fault if it was so damn goo-" _*wawawawawawawawawwawawawawawawaw_

* * *

 _ **Returning to the work-shop**_

" _password required"_

"Shut up"

" _password accepted"_

" Sate Sate sate let's see what I can do now"  
I said opening a hidden wall-like door inside my figure garage.

 _sniff sniff_

 _"it still smells like new car"  
_ I muttered moving inside my provisional work-shop

It was a small room around 8 metres square illuminated by a blue light where I kept a bunch of stuff a.k.a my personal projects, unlike the weaponry garage this room was for ME and ME only, because a man needs a place where he does man stuff...and definitely doesn't watch hentai with arguable plot to review for his youtube channel, eh, ehm. Back to the original topic! Here I worked on my personal mystic codes that per se weren't really revolutionary or very innovative, but they were extremely powerful since I made them by combining runes, hieroglyphs, cuneiform characters, magic circles and many other techniques from different cultures and ages.  
Traveling around the world for nine years with Jeanne and Hachiman I managed to come in contact with so many different realities and tried to learn the best parts from each of them; did you know that spells of Egyptian origin use mana frequencies complementary to those of Babylonian's one? And that if you chant in latin Scandinavian rituals the effects get doubled?  
I didn't and as far as I knew the rest of the Moonlight world still doesn't.

"The phoenix flower, the phoenix flower,"  
I whispered searching in the drawers under a work table

"Why do I always forget in which drawer I put the important stuff"  
I thought avoiding the micro arrows of a living Arwain figure (from berseker) that I kept secluded in that drawer since summer ended.

"Dammit I should really destroy that defective mosquito killer"  
I grunted before finding the right drawer.

"finally"  
I exclaimed laying my eyes on the most powerful mystic code I had made in a while.

It was a pink crystal shaped like a lotus full of crimson symbols from different alphabets, with a careful movement I took it from the drawer and slip it in my pocket.

"There we go. Now this bad guy comes with me and Oh here are the remote control talismans, good thing I bought a few extras...in case I messed up...like last time"

* * *

 _flash back_

EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE RUN EVERYBODY RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

* * *

"Uh it's a miracle Assassin never discovered I accidentally let a phoenix feather explode...I'd never hear the end of it, don't play with fire Sieg gne gne gne said by the man who gave me my first gun, talk about no-sense"  
I rose my shoulder grabbing the two stone talismans.

"Now now now, Hachiman said that the package from Maguszone arrived this morning soooooooooooooo, I need the **thing** "  
I said turning around my work-shop

Unfortunately the **thing** was nowhere to be found and I didn't really recollect where I put it exactly... Shit, why I was so messy when it came about mystic codes, didn't I learned anything after burning three apartments, one school, two public baths and that burger king.

"Think Sieg think, were did I leave the sphere to accumulate mana, alias the **thing** Caules made. Fuck I can't remember what would you do Goku"  
I prayed towards the figure/lamp that lit up the room of Son Goku.

It was one of my favorite figure extremely detailed and portrayed my hero charging the Genkidama sphere.  
Wait a minute! That wasn't the bloody Genkidama sphere! It was the **thing**... riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight I used the **thing** as a light bulb to cut bills. Damn I was really a genius

"Thanks Goku I don't know what I would ever do without you in my life"  
I thanked the only hero who never deluded me, before snatching the ball and coming out from the work-shop

Now it was time to upgread my toys

* * *

 _ **In the meantime our lovable servants**_

 _"awawwwawawwawa* ah, o_ kay stop stop Stop already I'm fine gamine I'm fine!"

"Dear Lord I can't believe you actually drank all that stuff, my arms are stiff from holding you and that can for so long..."

"yeah sorry 'bout that"

"Don't mind it, now stay here on the floor until you feel better I'm going to powder my nose... ugh"

"..."

"ugh!"

"..."

"ugh!"

"Gamine you can't stand up can you?"

"ugh nooo, the mana in the blood I ingested before is not in circulation yet"

"Guess you're stuck with me for now..."

"...yeeeee..."

*awkard silence"

"Sooooo Hachiman wanna talk about something"

"not particularly..."

"Okay...*sniff *sniff"

"Oh that's a low blow Ruler you know I can't stand the sad voice, dammit FINE let's talk "

"Yippie you se-"

"Not about clothes, churches, food, or those trashy soap works you're so much fond of"

"you're no fun... but okay, well before how much mana did you use to stabilize yourself"

"More than I ever wanted, if I had Sieg do it on his own he would have probably died"

"Since when your situation became so unstable?"

"I guess since the fake Assassin was summoned or since the younger me arrived in this city, I'm not too sure, after all I've always been a bomb ready to explode... you instead how did your situation get worse so quickly I estemed you'd be more stable with the brat's pe...periodical treatment?"

"The Avenger card, in the moments I had it in my hands... it absorbed more than a bit of mana"

"...so quickly?"

"Yeah...It was already set on my mana frequencies. A dark version of myself already resides in the card"

"How's possible? The card has yet to be activated"

" I don't know, but I'm sure that artifact has devoured a catalyst bounded to my spirit"

"Not to be monotonous but how?"

"Again I don't know, but I'm sure that if the Avenger card is fully awakened a terrible foe will appear, imagine all my defensive abilities converted into offensive one"

"Shit she'd be a force of nature...unstoppable...but wait can we have Sieg tame her?"

"What?"

"Can. We. Have. Sieg. Tame. Her?"

"Define tame"

"You know, if there is a person that can keep you under control, that's the brat. I mean you were practically drooling after Sieg ten minutes after you saw him for the first time"

"Are you suggesting me to have my husband cheat on me with me!?"

"kinda?"

"No"

"It would be a lot eas-"

"Absolutely not, I am **not** making my man do lewd stuff with the first slut that comes out from the Holy Grail"

"Even if it's technically you?"

"Expecially if it's technically me"

"It doesn't make sense it's not cheating in the strict term if he is always doing it with **you"**

"Not the problem Hikigaya! What if she lets Sieg keep all his figures in the bedroom, what if she is some deviant who enjoys doing it under the eyes of plastic anime girls with revealing outfits! I may get outclassed!"

"Well that said by a pedophile who locally has SM sex with a nine years old homunculus is truly enlightening"

"I thought we were past the age issue..."

"Naa it's just that I keep my best weapons ready to shoot only in crucial moments"

"Shut up, Sieg's mind and body are those of a grown up man"

"And may you bless your God it's in this way, my dear master would be dead otherwise"

"What do you mean"

"Gamine for the last two years you have squeezed dry the brat every two days, if not for a mystical blue pill and A level dexterity he... BOOM dead"

"Now you're making me sound like a nymphomaniac"

"...deny it"

"... Not my fault I need mana, besides my husband doesn't seem to be bothered"

"you speak like you never saw him crawling on the floor begging for water after a night session"

"...should I give him a break?"

"Right now? No you're already too weak... but maybe after the war, slow down"

"I thought frequent coitus were the mayor interest of males... and I always tried to be close to perfection for Sieg"

"pfaahahahahahhaha you? perfect? Ahahahahahahahhahahahahahah?"

"Hachiman stop being pointlessly mean"

"ahaha Gosh do you think the brat married you because he believed you're perfect?"

"Am I not the ideal gorgeous woman"

"Fair point... but utterly meaningless for anybody who has spent at least a week with you, Gamine you know you have plenty of flaws and so do Sieg, no maybe he see much more flaws in you than you can imagine, but he has found something he loves so much about you that all those flaws disappear"

"that's deep"

"I'm stating facts, otherwise I can't explain how would he put up with you and your more disgraceful habits"

"Hikigaya Hachiman fuck you"

"Between the two of us I'm not the one who needs to"

"pffffhsahahahahahahaha"

"ahahahahahahahahahahah"

* * *

 _ **BOOOOOOOMMMMM**_

Upgrading a weapon.  
An extremely cool sentence made of three words able to double the testosterone in a man and was like dirty talking for pro-gamers.  
In collective imagination upgrading a weapon can be something fun satisfactory, but in reality it's a pure hell: an endless sequence of attempts and experimentations that could lead to massive explosions.

I mean there were countless things that are funnier to do, even I a Homunculus could emply my free time to do something less... _spiritually taxing_ ;

(Really the irritation after each failed attempt was the worst...God it made me just want to play Yandere simulator and kill everybody in my line of sight...)

But what do you want to do if there is a Holy Grail war to win you have to have the best equipment possible. Just imagine some dumb child swinging around wooden sword in a battle among heroic spirits, how stupid would that be?

Still.

 _ ***boom**_

 _It appeared that for today my upgrades weren't going anywhere._

 _"dammit_ Attempt two failed"  
I said emotionless after a blaze of blue flames stopped coming out of my katana.

"Results: talismans are over, so no more attempt for a while and"  
I licked my thumb and forefinger.

"my eyebrows have been burnt down"  
I extinguished the last embers above my eyes.

*tsssss

Perfect not only I failed a project but even gave Assassin a new thing to tease me about. Dammit why I couldn't install a frigging remote control spell in my weapon without everything exploding!

I didn't even know where to start to solve the problem: Existence and Bahalmung rejected the talismans because the energy fluctations inside the core were too powerful and so talisman couldn't last. It didn't matter if I managed to merge there was always going to be a boom within a minute.

...well at least the weaponry garage was sound proof, gosh I could imagine all sorts of unpleasant conversation if it wasn't like that:"SATOU GODDAMIT STOP PLAYING THOSE GAMES WITH EXPLOSIONS INSIDE THAT GARAGE OF YOURS!" "AH I AM SORRY LANDLORD-SAN" " IF YOU ARE SO SORRY THAN GO TO TRASH THOSE DISGUSTING COMICS WITH NAKED GIRLS" "THOSE ARE HENTAI'S AND THEY'RE ART!"  
* _uff  
_ Some people really were uncultured swines unable to appreciate the anatomical attention doujin authors put behind an ahegao.

"ahahaha ah... Today yet another failure."  
I chuckled at my own fiascos sarcastic.

"first Haruno, then the technique and now my sword, everything really doesn't want to go in my way uh?"  
I put my katana back into its black trunk.

*fuuu  
"I did everything I could? But is never enough. Never enough"  
I exhaled and leaned against a tower of caissons filled with explosives.

All my body had become gelly... I was truly depressed. The Holy grail war: the event I spent all my life preparing to was right upon me but all the training the plans and the resolve I built up until now seemed meaningless; Jeanne's problem with mana, Haruno being around the city and the fake Assassin at the temple were three factors I'd never been able to predict and that managed to shatter every possible expectation I had about the war.  
I really didn't know how to move, sure taking down that Sasaki Koujiro was my top priority at the moment but then who was next?  
Caster? Rider? Berseker?

I wasn't sure I even cared, Jeanne's time was getting shorter and shorter I didn't have the lux to be careful.

"I will win should the hell freeze."  
I thought regaining a bit of vigor.

"After all the **thing** works perfectly, it doesn't matter if I didn't manage to power-up Existence (as much sad as it sounds), with the **thing** ready Hachiman will be able to fight on par even against a servant from the three knight class."  
I proclaimed grabbing a the silver suitcase containing the **thing** in the corner of the garage.

"And I should be ready to take the matter at **heart** when the times are mature"  
I gasped letting Siegfried energy run through my arm.

"even if it's going a road with no return."

* * *

Once I returned in the attic I found Assassin and Jeanne on the floor starring at the ceiling, they laughing about something, usually I would have asked what they were grinning about and then cringe hardly after hearing some dumb pun those two loved, yet since the nature of their dialogue before I came out around two hours prior was still in my mind I wisely avoided investigating and instead made a brilliant joke.  
"oh look the palquet has become two perverts, this must be the work of an enemy stando"

Yeah got them!

"Hey dear, how did the repairs go?"  
greeted me my wife turning her head towards me.

Oh my God her cheek was pressed against the floor...* _DokiDoki_ it was way too cute for my heart, _*DokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDoki_ okay that wasn't normal... DokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDokiDoki Oh shit I had to restore some Moe balance in my blood pumping organ before it was too late! I needed something ugly.

"Brat why did it take you so long?"

Doki

"Perfect! Thanks Hikigaya Hachiman! Blessed your existence able to erase all the excesses of cuteness in the world with your dead eyes"  
I thought while my pulse calmed down after meeting the eyes of my servant.

"The repairs went well sweety, I just had some problem erasing all the blood scattered around the room and old man...IIIIIII took so long because I went to prepare the last thing for tonight, while you...what did you do exactly Jen and I were with Haruno?"  
I said exhibiting the silver suitcase containing the **thing.**

"Brat pay respect I bought the groceries for a week and since this woman right here eat like a starved bear, you can imagine how heavy those bags were! Oh right I also destroyed my past-self phone and put a disturber near Emiya house-hold we won't have to deal with Oroboro in this war."

"How dare you Assassin we both know Jeanne doesn't eat like a starved bear... I mean it should be three or four of them."

"Siiiiieeeeeggggggg!"  
smiled dangerously Jeanne.

"D-d-dear it was only a comment... just to show appreciation to the old man for the groceries and WAIT...what did you do to your past self?"  
I stuttered before realizing what I just heard..

"Brat listen on the first time people speak, I said I cut all the connection my past-self could use to contact Oroboro."  
Repeated Assassin with the usual Fucking duh attitude.

" How?!"  
I blurted out.

"ehehe that's the funny part I kind of met me while he was messing around with a servant's mind..."  
Laughed my servant saying something outrageous.

Okay that was it! Today could literally not get any worse.  
(A/N muahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!)  
"The fuck?! Are you telling me He, you lasted a week, a single week, before getting entangled with the most dangerous battle of the Moonlight world."

"You speak like it wasn't already a result."  
He shrugged totally unfazed.

...fair point.

"please tell me it wasn't the Rider from the Matou's family, it is the only servant that requires mana instantly so it's the only one that after meeting a not Master-Magus won't give up until it consume his mana."  
I massaged my eyelids.

"..."

"Assassin!"

"why are yoiu screaming at me I didn't cause this mess!"

"yes you did, I mean him, that is you...you got the point."

"yeah yeah, but hey now we know which servant attack after the fake Assassin, isn't that positive?"

"Optimism you?"

"...pff I didn't sound believable even to my own ears, well Master we can't change the past, the mess is done, **period** now we can keep under control the backlash."

"You speak like this only because it's technically your fault if all our plans can go screw themselves."  
I deadpanned my servant as he was trying to BS his way out from a tight spot.

"when did you become so perceptive?"

"from the moment a grumpy old man taught me how to read between lines, now Go. In. Your. Room."

" You don't tell me to go in my room , I'm the parental figure here!"

"and I'm the master that can order you to strip yourself and run for all Fuyuki Now. Go. In. Your. Room."

"fine... you used to be so nice."

"No I didn't."

"yeah you did not."

* * *

After Assassin crept away from the living room I was left alone with Jeanne that for some odd reason was trying to avoid to face me. At first I believed it was just me but as I saw her literally rolling on the floor when I tried to get closer... you can say I got all the clues I needed.

"Jen? What are you doing?"  
I asked raising an eyebrow.

"I am rolling."  
she muttered with her face squashed on the parquet.

"I can see it, but why?"  
I inquired once more.

"You said I eat like multiple bears"  
she pouted explaining nothing.

"and so?"

"It's a sensitive topic! Do you believe I like eating so much?"  
She shouted starting to became red.

"You don't?"  
I said clueless, how could she don't like food.

"Yes after a life passed first working in the fields and then on the battle tasting only cheap meals of course I love eating tasty food like the ones in this age."

she rebuked totally making me lose the logic behind all her complains.

"Sorry I'm not following your reasoning."  
I deadpanned my wife who was still lamenting on the floor.

"I'm just sad you make fun of me over a thing I have no control over."

"Oh...and that's bad?"  
I searched for confirm to my deductions.

"...yeah it's bad."  
Jeanne replied grim.

"Even if from a pure scientifical point your diet and that of the bears are pretty much similar in the amount of calories in-take."  
I started to take mental notes.

"especially for that reason."  
she exclaimed blushing furiously.

magenta, scarlet, ruby her cheeks colored in a plethora of reds...Oh my god it was way too cute, but I still needed the crimson shade.

"..."

Why wasn't she blushing anymore?

"..."

I had to do something.

"Chubby-Jen"  
I said to my wife dealing the last blow.

Now here it comes the crimson.

"Siiiieeeeggg- wait now you're doing it on purpose."

"tsk good bye to my daily Moe-flustered Jeanne."  
I muttered while my plans went up in smoke.

"You rude, sneaky, homunculus!"  
Snapped Jeanne jumping on her feet and pushing me on the sofa.

Tiny, but very relevant detail... my wife was a servant, so by pushing I actually meant.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Sent flying.

*Ptoin  
I crushed against the pillows of the sofa and odd enough with all my bones still intact, COOL! But I couldn't move...less cool.

"Now is my turn with the teasing."  
whispered seductive Jeanne reaching my immobile body with slow steps.

Apparently I had fallen in the lioness' nest anddddddd was it bad if I couldn't decide whenever I was scared or excited?

"Quick question who's on the other side of the knife? In. This. Precise. Moment."  
She asked firstly placing her knees on my thighs and then blocking my wrists above my head with her hands.

"Me?"  
I responded completely at her mercy.

Okay now I was legitimately scar...exci... you know what I'm going to take another moment to decide.

"Correct and do you know what am I going to do?"  
She gave me another question pressing her well endowed proportions against me.

"NoIDon'tKnowButMyBodyIsSendingConflictingMessages."  
I said while my spine and...the you know what, were hardening.

"Then close your eyes and you'll know, but don't worry you won't lose any mana."  
She whispered in my ear.

OKAY THAT WAS IT! I FUCKING GAVE UP IN TRACING A LINE BETWEEN FEAR AND DESIRE, THIS WAS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO UNDERSTAND!

Gulping down my saliva I did what Jeanne said and waited, to be clear this was torture: she couldn't possibly activate rickety lust and say "you won't lose any mana" screw that! Take all the mana you want dammit!

*Gnom  
My wife bit my neck.

"Eh Ah Stop, Stop"  
I groaned while the slightly painful, hot and wet sensation of Jeanne's teeth on my neck made me squirM (A/N yeah with the M you pervs!).

And for five long minutes the show went on until Jeanne's stomach started to complain and she decided to stop before everything ended with cannibalism.  
We decided to have dinner, yet since it was pretty late I just prepared a cold meal for all us plus Hachiman. Assassin and I ate quickly as tonight we were going to solve the unfinished business with Sasaki Koujiro.

"We're leaving."  
I said on the war way transporting with me the **Thing's** suitcase.

"Don't be reckless."  
Told me Jeanne sending me off.

"I won't, and you don't fall on the floor when I'm not here."  
I replied winking.

"I promise."  
she smiled before slowly closing the door.

"Ready Master?"  
Asked me Assassin liting up a cigarette.

"yeah let's go."

* * *

"Repeat me one last time your plan."  
I said driving my black car towards the Ryuudo temple.

"Master is not difficult I said: you remain in the car, I go stealth booby trap the area around the entrance of the temple, then I reach the spot Beta make everything explode and snipe Koujiro from afar with my Mater key, then you pick me up."  
Explained Hachiman playing with the tiny axe-shaped rod of his "I" mode.

"And if it doesn't work?"  
I asked tapping on the steering wheel.

"You turn everything in fire and blood with the Phoenix flower, I switch in Yukino mode and go all out with my Hatsuyuki (first snow) sword."  
Hachiman replied cold.

"And Caster?"

"Fire and Blood brat, I have studied Sasaki Koujiro style if I don't hold back I can kill him in less than a minute."

"You'll reveal information about you to Caster."

"If I'm quick enough the worst she can discover is that my Noble Phantasm suck and I'm very dangerous."

"Okay..."  
I sighed.

"Brat what's wrong?"  
said Assassin as if he was trying to squeeze the words out of his throat... he probably thought he just kicked a bag full of scorpions.

"I don't know, I feel a bit undertone, all the Haruno and Jeanne messes, you know Haruno is a wild card, the moment I lower mt guard she could discover or do something bad, Jeanne on the other hand force me to be as proactive as possible to end this war quickly... If I do a single mistep everything built until now could crush in my hands, so I feel like I have to fight this war with an arm tied behind my back".

"I see... you indeed find yourself in a pretty shitty situation Master."

"Don't speak like it doesn't concern you too, if I don't win you don't get the grail."

"guess you're right..."  
Grunted my servant.

"Hachiman, old-man why do you seek the grail? And please be honest in nine years you never gave me a straight forward answer."

"At the moment? Actually nothing."

"What!?"

"Don't look so surprised, since I was summoned as your servant I've had nine years free from serious problems. I managed to achieve all the tiny wishes I built up in my life: I saw the world without worrying about drug traffic or potential apocalypses, I become an house-husband (not in the stict term) and opened my own cafe."

"That is still intestated to my name."  
I cut off my servant's corny words, before taking a tight curve in the mountain roads of Fuyuki.

God it was too foggy!

"Don't ruin the moment brat, the point is at the moment I have only two reasons not to ditch this war and those are CAR!"  
Screamed Assassin while a vintage car darted out of the fog.

"AAAHHHHHHHH!"  
I screamed rolling the steering wheel.

Thanks to some kind of miracle I avoided a frontal accident, yet my car lost the side mirror and a lot of the paint on the side.

"OI!"  
I roared braking sharply and coming down from my car to have a talk with the driver of the other one.

"that criminal was driving at 100 Km/h on frigging mountain street!"

* * *

" Leysritt I told you two hundred times in Japan they drive on the LEFT!"

"Sella...I ...Forgot... Illiya said...to move... fast since she spent... too ... much time playing videogames...and she wanted to... freak out...the red...haired ...boy properly ...tonight."

"I SAID THAT BUT NOT THAT I WANTED TO DIE BEFORE WE EVEN GET THERE!"

"Illiya-sama what do we do?"

"I don't know! Use suggestion magic!"

"Isn't that not morally correct."

"I'm going to fight a war where people murder each other and you speak about morality NOW?"

"You... don't make... sense Sella... Get a grip."

"Illiya-sama Leystitt."

"Sella just... just go."

"Break.. a leg... Sella"

"Oh you know what I'm going to break(muble mumble)."

* * *

"Lady do you know how fast you were going?"  
I shouted towards the maid-dressed woman who just came out from the car.

"Yes I'm terribly sorry, our driver will receive the **Proper** punishment, was anyone injured"  
Responded the woman.

Damn there was too much fog around I couldn't see her face.

"No we are all fine, and in your car everything's okay?"

"we have not suffered any damage, again I will personally punish the driver"

"yeah yeah, listen have a very busy night so let's just go through the accident report and have the insurances do the rest"  
I said closing the distance with the maid.

"Hmm insurance?"n  
she stuttered.

OH FUCK...

"...please tell me you do have a car insurance"  
I muttered while a blood vessel in my head had probably popped.

"N- I mean yes of course I have an insurance... that thin-"

"Hey why did you stop talkin-"  
the maid and I stopped mid-sentence as we were finally close enough to see each other clearly.

For an instanct we both froze and "Homunculus" was probably the only thought in our mind as our red eyes met each other.

"Fuck why I didn't wore my contacts"  
I thought unable to decide what to do next

For the first time in my life I was in front of a true pure breed Einzbern Homunculus, it was like I saw a relative... and oddly I found it plesant, yet if this woman was here it meant Illiyasviel von Einzbern was in that car.

"G-good sir wait here just a second I'm going to take the various documents."  
Said the maid turning her heels and running towards her car.

 _*step step  
_ step step step step

""Illya-SAMA!"

...

"Dammit she regained her cool before me."  
I grunted rushing to Assassin.

*toc toc toc  
I knocked on the car's window

 _fzzzzzzz_

"Do you need the insurance's cards?"  
Asked my servant emotionless

"Assassin change of plans we fight now!"  
I screamed

"uh Why!"  
he rose an eyebrow

"Berseker!"  
shouted a tiny voice followed by a

"RGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
Emitted by the most muscular thing I ever saw in my life

"Oh...that's why"

* * *

"Brat get out the way!"  
Roared Assassin pushing me away from the car.

Suddenly I was sent flying, while a monstrous being tall two metres and half charged against my car like an american football player. The sound of broken glass and metal curling up filled the air, in the fraction of a second I saw my Prius being lifted off the ground and flew over the guard rail and falling into the void.

"Assassin!"  
I screamed with all the air I had in my lungs landing on the asphalt.

But then a dark flash exploded in the car and Hachiman's voice said  
" **Master Key 3d maneuver gear** "

*pwam  
The car's door was brusquely kicked open, my servant jumped out from the falling vehicle with a sword in each hand and other gears around his hips.

"Rhaaa"  
Roared Hachiman shooting two black hooks from his gear.  
Whistling like two arrows the hooks pierced through the guardrail while jet of high pressure gas projected my servant upwards. *shuuummm  
In a single moment Hikigaya Hachiman transformed from a falling bag of meat into a black shooting star: Using his equipment my servant created on the moment a giant slingshot to shot himself in the air above the road.

"Graaaaaaaaa"  
Grunted Berseker as Assassin flew in front of him and became a black stain in the starry sky.

 ***CRUUUSSSSHHHHHH**  
My car landed somewhere.

"Let's see what you got mountain of steroids"  
Whispered sharply Assassin in mid-air as he started to release mana from his whole body.

 **"Memento dolor"  
** Chanted my servant covering himself in hundreds of wounds before **  
** **"Dolor meus et fortitudinem"**  
converting them in black smoke and then reinforcing his blades with it.

Suddenly those straight sharp swords that remembered two cutters got darker and arched, like the fangs of a demon. Then releasing another jet of gas Hachiman propelled himself towards Berserker spinning like a death whirligig.

"RRRRR"  
Loquaciosly responded the colossus, dressed only in a leather skirt, summoning in his hand a gigantic stone sword.

With the power of an hurricane Berserker swinged his sword to crush Assassin like a fly, yet my servant, Absolute, as I labelled him, shoot one of his hooks in the trees right next to the road and pulling himself out of the trajectory of the stone blade. Berserker attack failed shaking an unbelievable amount of air while Assassin reached the tree he previously hooked, released the third stream of gas and flew towards the giant calves.

*slassssh

A wet sound engoulfed my ears as Hachiman's twin blades cut through the muscles of Berserker and the pain magic he filled his weapons with bursted in the colossus body creating countless wounds of various nature.

"AAHHHHHHHH"  
The servant's screams pierced the night.

Given the amount of energy Hachiman used Berserker should have fallen down on the ground like a dead leaf, but still that unknown Heroic spirit was way stronger Assassin anticipated: ignoring all his wounds and the blood streams running on his body the colossal servant spinned on his right foot raising his left leg. Assassin didn't even conclude to land his attack, Berserker adapted too quickly to the new situation and dealed one hundred pound rotating kick to my servant.

" **D** **olorem accipit potestatem"  
** Grunted Hachiman crossing his blades as guard and summoning a wall of black smoke.

With incredible response time Assassin couter re-adapeted to the unexpected turn of events, yet both his defences and swords shattered in front of the pure raw power of that monster.  
"ahhh!"  
In a matter of milliseconds Hikigaya Hachiman was sent flying towards me.

Fortunately shooting his hooks on the road he managed to land standing at my side, still, he was breathless and bruised. Hachiman had been clearly outmatched in both speed and strength

"Fuck this is a tough one"  
He whispered poisonous

"Any plans Assassin?"  
I asked him activating my magic circuits

"Don't know which weapons have on yourself?"

"Gun, throwing knives, Phoenix flower, Saber card and the ost-er both Existence and the **thing** are still in the car"  
I said drawing two throwing blades from a secret pocket.

 **"** Okay then we go with the scheme 5"  
 **"Master Key Mamba shotgun"**

Communicated Hachiman before using again the power of his Noble Phantasm and turning his shattered twin blades in a shotgun with three barrels.

* * *

MASTER KEY

The physical embodiment of Hachiman's relationship with Oroboro. It was both the most versatile and the weakest Noble Phantasm in my servant possession: a tiny axe-shaped rod able to become any tool, vehicle or not-magical weapon Hikigaya Hachiman ever owned in his life. But hold on if it seems awesome don't be fooled due to its high mana consumption this Noble Phantasm was virtually useless against most servants since the amount of energies and the time needed to summon a weapon able to obliterate a heroic spirit was absurd; without even mentioning that fuel and bullets had to be created with mana.

Ultimately pros and cons were not balanced

* * *

"Master Berserker is not moving, I can only see his silhouette with all this mist"  
Stated Assassin loading his black shotgun

"That Einzbern must have ordered him to wait until the maid and the driver got out from the danger zone"  
I responded reinforcing my eyes with a special spell

" **thermische signatur** "  
(termic signature)

"yeah as expected"  
I said observing two red stains moving away from the area and more little one getting closer to Berserker

" **Deaktivieren atmosphärischer Agenten** "  
(disabling atmospheric agents)

Chanted a tiny voice making disappear all the moisture in a radius of ten metres.  
Suddenly I could clearly see everything around m: the forest, the city Fuyuki right under the hairpin bends plus of course a little girl no older than ten with silver hair and that monstrous humanoid being known as Berserker who just planted his sword on the ground.

"Good evening"  
Greeted the little girl bowing in her violet winter outfit.

"Yo" "Yo"  
Greeted back Assassin and I totally emotionless.

"Beautiful night to kill right ?"  
She said creepy.

"Dunno. Question of points of view"  
"I would rather be on the sofa at the moment"  
I responded meanwhile Hachiman acted like... Hachiman.

"Pfff if you two say so. Please allow me to present myself: I'm Illyasfiel von Einzbern, and judging by your appearance I suppose you're the cheap imitation who has survived too long... S.I.E.G.1"  
Laughed Illiya pointing her eyes in mines.

In the moment we made eye-contact I felt a shock run through my spine and the urge to swallow seemed irresistible: this girl was challenging me and I, I wanted to fight.

" _Master I need you to stall this game for 75 seconds, if I have to fight with this monster here without the **thing** I need to built up ammunitions and pain energy_"  
Mentally communicated Assassin as a thin veil of darkness started to flow in his weapon.

"Oh I see my reputation precedes me, I'm flattered that the young Master from the Einzber family knows about me, yet I must correct you my name is Sieg not some worthless acronym and... really cheap imitation is kind of offensive"  
I told the girl theatrically trying to buy more time possible for Hachiman to develope an effective way to fight with Berserker.

 **I had to choose my words carefully, remain calm and**

"Oh you do have feelings? I'm surprised I'd never expected a cheap imitation to have ones, maybe those thieves of Yggdmillenia did a better job than I expected, still an imitation remain a fake that puts shame on the Einzbern's name and it must be erased"

 **That brat provoked me... she did it on purpose!**

"...OI rude loli, can you stop that annoying mouth of yours?"

"Why cheap imitation? Am I bothering you cheap imitation"

"A little, you know it's irritating being insulted by a doll that's only envious because while I'm a grown up man, she'll remain a brat forever. What your creators decided to cut expenses on clothing and theatres! Congrats you will pay the ticket with reduced price until you die, you must be pretty damn happy brat"  
I exploded spouting a hail of sharp words, with every single syllable leaving my mouth Illya seemed to receive a punch and ,in lack of a more befitting way to say it, ...I DAMN WRECKED HER.

1-0 for the homuculus...wait we are both. 1-0 for the awesome one.

"What did you call me cheap imitation?"  
Asked the girl gritting her teeth while OH Geez I could see a few veins pulse on her forehead.

"brat, didn't you hear me, perhaps your hearing is malfunctioning as it is your personality?"

"You talk big for someone who's going to die"  
Grinned madly Illya before ripping from her head a single hair thread.

Suddenly the silver hair thread began to glow and became a bird shaped familiar that projected itself towards me and so without thinking twice I immediately threw one of my knives imbued with destruction energy.  
In the time laps of one second my green blade and Illya's silver familiar covered the distance that separated them, then they clashed releasing glowing sparks all around, yet there was no game: Illya's bird was tore apart like if it was made of butter while my knife kept flying forward like nothing happened.

"Now tell me if this imitation is cheap Einzbern"  
I thought while my blade nearly reached the face of the girl...  
yeah nearly.  
Just a moment before the knife reached Illya, Berserker moved his hand to protect her.

"Tsk"  
I snapped my tongue as my weapon hit a target different from the one I wanted.

"rrrrr"  
Grunted Berserker while the magic in my knife was released in his hand and literally shattered his middle finger.

"Berserker"  
Cried the girl in horror as she realized her odds to win this battle were less than she imagined

"M _aster I'm ready, taunt her again just enough to make her completely snap. Once Berserker charge activate the card "  
_ Told me Assassin via brain waves

 _" Roger, if it doesn't work we go with plan D-1-0"  
_ I thought checking that the card in my breast pocket was fully charged

unfortunately my idea was exactly appreciated by my servant  
 _"...you're joking right?"_

 _"Nope"  
_ I reeeeaaaaally wanted to use that plan.

 _"But it's retarded"  
_ Tried to argue Hachiman.

 _"Especially for that reason none will expect it"  
_ But I was the master and I took final decisions.

 _"You_ _watch too much television"_

 _"Your fault! AND NOW LET'S ROLL"_

 _"... what am I ever going to do with you?"  
_ Mentally sighed Assassin before dropping the mental connection.

* * *

*clap *clap *clap  
I clapped my hands letting sarcastic sound waves echo in the air.

Illya was staring at me with eyes filled of some indefinable emotion, Rage? Fear? Surprise? I didn't know, but most of all I didn't care, she wasn't a person right now... yeah she was just an obstacle on my way.

 **and what do you do with obstacles?**

"I must compliment you Illyasfiel von Einzbern: creating a living creature so quickly and so easily, you truly are a prodigy in creation magecrafth. Unfortunately for you, I specialize exactly in the opposite field"  
I smiled cold letting green energy flow across my right palm.

"And let me tell you this"  
I created four small spheres.  
"Against me you don't stand a chance"  
and then shot my magical projectiles against the abbandoned car of the Einzbern making it explode in an orange blaze.

* **BOOOOOOOMMMMMMM**

 **you crush** **them.**

"So tell me brat, are you ready to face a cheap imitation?"  
I asked with the face lit by the flames of the vintage car.

"You can bet I am"  
Frowned the girl summoning other four familiar shaped like swords this time.

"Then prove it"  
 **INSTALL SABER CARD SIEGFRIED**

 **"WITH THIS COMMAND SEAL I ORDER YOU BERSERKER  
** **murder them** "

* * *

An erupting volcano, For short Eruption that was the world I decided to use to label that red mass of muscle and rage Berserker was.  
He was physically superior anything I ever saw: the moment Illya completed her command he immediately disappeared with his sword leaving behind only a cloud of dust. It was difficult to say how much time passed before Berserker covered the distance that separed us: cents of second? milliseconds?  
Well it didn't matter that much, actually the only thing important was that a gigantic sword-axe appeared suddenly in front of me and the only action my instincts screamed to do was guarding myself with my arms crossed.

There was only a tiny detail my instincts forgot: Yes I had indeed installed the saber card and thus gained Siegfried's armor and powers, re-thus obtained the Armor of Fafnir able to deny any attack of rank inferior to A class. BUT The attack incoming was definitely of A class or above!  
Said in a nutshell If I dared to tank it... I'd have been tore apart.

So suppressing all my instincts I forced my body to remember all my training. In the fraction of a fraction of a fraction of... a fraction of a second I gave up on defence and focused on deviation.

"anticipate, endure, read the flow of each strike and bend it to your will"

Before it was too late I landed an upercut reinforced at breaking point with **Prana burst** and **H** **eroic Mana** right under the stone sword of Berserker; The sudden force upward made the colossal weapon's edge change its direction. That blade passed a hair thin space away from me, razor sharp wind lashed on my face and the amount of adrenaline in my blood stream skyrocketed.

"Com'on give me some distance"  
I thought after the strike imagining that I'd be propelled backwards with all that air moving.

Unfortunately Berserker's slash had been so fast it actually left void space and as result I was sucked closer to the servant.  
"You gotta be kidding"  
I grunted smashing against the beast's calf, that bracket was still all bloody from Assassin attack... ew.

" **Logic path(Straße)/open(gehen)** "  
Still I couldn't dare to lose even a second, so I immediately suppressed the disgust and tightened my grip around throwing knife I held in my left hand before stabbing Berserker.  
"What the hell is he made of metal?"  
I thought while I could barely pierce the flesh of the servant even though my blade was reinforced with high level destruction magecrafth.

" SIEG I'll make an opening!"  
Mentally screamed Hachiman shooting with his shotgun.

 ***booom**

He wasn't aiming towards Berserker but on the road: the **Mamba shotgun mk-78** Assassin was using was an heavy weapon that tried to combine power and speed through shock absorbers able to completely absorb or leave unaltered the recoil of the shotgun.

Assassin de-activating the shock absorbers shot away half of the road close to his feet and in the meantime propelled himself towards the face of Berserker. Straightening his posture in mid-air my servant performed a flying kick covered in black smoke, when his heel nearly reached Berserker's face, the mad warrior's instincts kicked into gears and he managed to moved his head away before Assassin could land the blow.

" _GET HIM_!"  
Roared my servant before using again with his shotgun.

 ***booom**

An explosive sound drummed in my head while Hachiman pushed himself right behind the nape of our opponent.  
" _I trust you brat"_  
Whispered him in my thoughts.

I couldn't believe my eyes when Hachiman abandoned all defenses and still flying began to release a destructive rain of alchemich bullets on Berserker's skull.  
 ***booombooomboomboooom booom booom  
** Still no modern weapon could be lethal for a monster such as the mad servant: all the projectiles just couldn't penetrate through Berserker's thick cranium. My Old man knew it yet he kept shooting and shooting to gather all Berserker's attention, really the big guy probably had even forgotten I was on his leg,

" He is crazy"  
I thought getting away from Berserker's calf while Hachiman was still emptying his shotgun on the other servant's face, completely ignoring the fact that the latter was moving his axe-sword to cut him in two.

That idiot first plagiarized Aladdin with the trust line and then he expected me to save his ass in a situation like this? Jesus! TOO much responsibility at once!  
Gritting my teeth all the world suddenly slowed down and before my heart could even beat once my energy and Siegfried's one flared up. The Saber card power rushed outside my body materializing a phantasmal version Bahalmung, like in my first fight with Jeanne, and then faster than a lightning

"GESTUGA TENSHOU"  
I traced a green of pure draconic power through Berserker's torso severing in half his body.

 **TWOOOONNNNN**

"One servant down six to go"  
I hissed watching Assassin land safely.

Then I immediately concluded my transformation otherwise my mana would have ended before I even realize it; activating the card and unleashing Bahalmung's power so quickly without proper preparations had really burnt a good 30% of my stamina, if I have had at least Exsitence with me I could have saved more energy. Well now it was time to deal with the little girl... Wait how did I exactly deal with her? Take her as an obstage, leaving her on her own, killing her?

There were many different options, but I was sure each of them would end up giving me great head-aches.

"Better start with beating her unconscious"  
I thought while a sudden light bursted near to me.

I didn't even get the time to think "Nani" I only saw Assassin jump on me and turn into a meat shield before a giant fist could hit me. A wild force abruptly lifted me and Assassin from the ground sending us to crash against the guard rail.

"uuahhhh"  
I emitted a deaf sound along with a spout of blood.  
My bones crept in places they weren't supposed to go, my mind became confused and I couldn't see straight.

Berserker and Illya were standing in front of me, but it's impossible I killed Berserker just a few seconds ago, I felt his spine shatter under my blade how could he be still alive.

"Hey Einzber didn't I kill him, how's your servant still alive: Senzu beans? Hashirama cells? Crazy Diamond?"  
I asked in a pathetic rattle still trying to sound confident and not like I was on the edge of passing out.

"I don't know what are you talking about imitation, but I will answer your question if you survive this!"  
Laughed the girl sending against me her sword familiars.

"Tiny bitch"  
I thought making my magic circuits work like desperate and keeping eye contact with the two glowing swords.

"Defined familiar magecrafth codification  
 **Engel Note: Angel's Poem,  
** shape  
 **Degen,  
** purpose  
 **automatic search target  
** principle  
 **Thermal research of beings with body temperature between 34 and 40 grade celsius**

 ** _Hacking_**

 _* #§_

principle  
 **Thermal research being with body temperature between 100 and 500 grade celsius"**

Directly chanting the words in my brain I put in resonance my od, the raw energy tha lies within a soul, with the familiars' ones. modeling my power in the time a normal person would usually blink, I messed with the basic commands that controlled the phantasmal swords and redirected their attention towards something different from me.

To be precise the Einzbern's car I set on fire a few minutes ago.

"So I'm listening Einzbern how's he still standing?"  
I muttered while the two familiars did an U inversion, flew away from me and went to vandalize more Einzbern's car.

For five good seconds Illya didn't open her mouth, she was too astonished her spell failed her,then she gulped down and whispered emotionless.  
"...cockroaches are really coriaceous"

"I'll take that as a compliment"  
I grinned enduring the pain from my lungs, probably that was the least insulting thing this girl was ever going to say about me.

"It was meant as one, how did you do that?"  
She asked ripping another of her hair and studying it between her fingers.

"Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, answer for answer"  
I answered quoting the code of Hamurrabi trying to get out some reaction from Illya; maybe Berserker came from Mesopotamia.

"...Berserker posses multiple lives that's his Noble phantasm, God Hand"

"GRIFFITH!"  
I screamed out of pure reflex spitting a bit of blood on the violet doll.

"What was that for!"  
Screamed the girl cleaning her cheeks in disgust.

"ops...my bad, sorry we were talking about Berserker, then the God Hand came out and... It was a reflex"  
I apologized...wait why was I apologizing? This was a death battle for goodness sake.

"You're very lucky, I want an answer from you otherwise you'd be a stain on the road by now"  
Illya stepped closed to me of course remaining outside my arm reach.

"Good she doesn't know I've a gun"  
I thought humming my lips that tasted like metal.

"you're not exactly giving me good reasons to speak right now"  
I commented pointing out the logic: I don't answer I live.

"But you said answer for answer"  
She retorted with the high pitch voice typical of a child who just lost in a game

"Did I? I don't remember"  
I played dumb

"Yes you did"

"No I didn't"

"You liar"

"I'm an adult, I'm by contract a liar"

"Ah so you admit you were lying"

"I don't know what you're talking about"

"WAAAAAAAAAA Berserker tell him something!"

"RHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"EWW droll of servant in the mouth, pause pause, ew it's disgusting, did this guy ever cleaned his teeth, his breath is so bad it could be a noble phantasm"  
I kept fooling around while my right hand slowly crept towards my gun.

Other ten seconds and this night's battle was over.

"Imitation give an answer now or your servant dies now"  
Illya imposed herself pointing towards the person lying at my side I completely ignored until now.

"A-Assassin"  
I stuttered turning my head in his direction.

A sudden attack of nausea bursted in my stomach; Hachiman was barely conscious stuck in the guard rail, with his face completely drenched of blood and his chest bent in a strange way, all his ribs had probably been shattered by the punch he tanked in my place, his magic was automatically healing him but this... was way beyond any injury he sustained in the past nine years.

In a single moment all the calm I struggled to maintain while talking before disappeared. Hachiman... Hachiman, he oh God no no, this couldn't be happening.

"The shape shift! The shape shift"  
I said in hurry as the pain I felt in my lungs seemed now meaningless

"Your familiars are able to shape shift after you create them thanks to an input you transmit in the air with your od. I exployed this weakness to modify the internal protocol of that sword"  
What was I doing playing my cards all at once, was I stupid, Did I have a death wish?

No... I was only terrified of losing my family in front of my eyes... It's scary the power despair held.

"That's impossible all my spells respond to me only, and even if you knew the correct frequencies your mana signature is still too different from mine to work"  
Argued the silver loli.

"False. Scientifically speaking magecrafth works through the resonance setting of multiple dimensional layers that are bounded together by the only thing able to travel among them... mana. All these dimensions have their own physic and rules, if you know how to interact with precise loop points mana signature and other similar formalities become meaningless."  
I disclosed one of the most precious secret Oroboro and ergo Hachiman disclosed to me.

"No... no what are you saying magecraft is the artificial reenactment of Mystery, It is the ability to bring about what is possible through science with supernatural means... There's no scientifically speaking. The process of Magecraft is considered a miracle, the end result is not. Everyone knows that, don't you dare to manipulate the dogmas of magic just to hide a petty trick."  
Belittled me Illya while the fundamental of knowledge that accompanied her all her life just got shaken.  
In her crimson eyes I could see a faint insecurity, a microscopic crack in her armor made of convictions. And unfortuantely for her I wasn't the kind of person that would ignore a weakness like that.

Illyasfiel von Einzbern from all the information I gathered was just a name: the final product of the Einzbern family their last masterpiece a Magus with 70% of her body made out of magus circuits. I didn't know anything else about her, yet I felt some kind of affinity with her, both of us had been created to achieve a purpose, but for some reason we both had an ego that differentiated us from the normal stiff doll-like homunculi. We weren't human and we weren't truly homunculi. We were just ourselves alone in the world. For this precise reason the things we treasured the most were constants: people, objects or facts that were there for us in every possible scenario.

So in the same way I freaked out seeing my old-man so close to die, Illya was losing control of herself in this moment as the seeds of doubt invaded her knowledge.

" Miracles and Miracles! How can anyone be satisfied with an answer like that! There's no such a thing as a Miracle, magecraft is just another science!"  
I proclaimed speaking loud and clear while blood kept appearing in my mouth and I decided to switch my attention from the gun to another weapon in my pocket.

One that would make both me and Assassin get out from this situation.

"Every spell from every school use determinate dimensions to actualize a domino effect that generate a response in our reality. Nordic Runes for example, they interact with 30.000 dimensions in a given section of all the possible dimensions, in base of the amount of mana used a certain amount of these dimensions is activated, and in base of personal skills the most effective ones are activated or not. Since it's close to impossible activate all the dimesions matched with a type of spell there are always blind spots that can be exployed, especially with spell's that can change their own nature through remote controls"  
I explained without breaking eye contact with the girl.

"Actually at the end of the day magecraft is like ripples in a lake and all magi pretentious kids that keep tossing stones in it without understanding a damn thing!"  
I finally reached my secret weapon now I had just to put Illya in a corner.

"Is kind of sad that you and I are products of something this stupid"  
I whispered finally seeing the insecurity in her red eyes burst and her face crack.

Belittling her existence by belittling her creators, truly a blow under the belt for a homunculus, but it's not like I've ever cared about being fair, the important was winning... God how many yu-gi-oh battles Haruno won because I indicated her the cards of the opponent with our secret gesture alphabet.

"...You're lying mom wasn't something like that!"  
Muttered Illya with an expression difficult to read.

Mom? I was missing some serious back story here, eh how could an homunculus have a mom, well it didn't matter the girl had been destabilized enough it was time to slope off.

"well allow me to show you my thesis. **Feuer,** **teine, ignis, fotiá, אש, hariq,** all these words means fire "  
I grunted forcing my self back on my two feet while dozens of tiny flames appeared all over the place.

"each of them triggers a base spell from a different magical culture thus affect different dimensions"  
I tossed in the air my secret weapon: a crystal shaped like a lotus.

"... **IMAGINE IF THEY ARE COMBINED, PHOENIX FLOWER RANDOM PROTOCOL"  
** I roared grabbing Hachiman and jumping down from the guard rail while a ball of fire enveloped the road.

* * *

("Ah EH IH OH UH FucK fUCk fuck ah dammit dammit dammit ouch"

I kept swearing rolling down the mountain road.  
By the way I was also trying to shelter Assassin with my body so all the rocks, branches and funny stuff you could smack your butt against in this funny ride were all reserved to me... yeeee.

"Oh tonight was supposed to go much more differently"  
I exhaled crushing in the trashed remains of my car.

"Assassin how do you feel?"

"mhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

"hang on"  
I said climbing in what remained of my car and...mentally cursing Berseker.

With a few difficulties I opened the dashboard and took out a metallic box filled with a red cross on, the supposed first aid kit, still instead of plaster bandages or other stuff there were only a bunch of tiny ametysts filled of healing magic. I put in my mouth four or five of them and enjoyed the pleasant power repairing the damge inside my body.

"say ah"  
I shoved inside Hachiman's mouth a dozen of crystals and then forcefully opened and closed his mouth chew them.

Purple lines started to appear across all his body while the various injuries disappeared. Good now I had just to buy some more time until he woke up...possibly within a minute or we were screwed.

" **P** **honeix Flower:  
** **Remote Access:** initializing  
 **Password** : jqstw009prs  
 **General info:** mystic code number 387, Owner Sieg Hikigaya.  
 **Sealed** **shape:** lotus crystal (not in use)  
 **Active** **Shape:** 60 bird units (48 assault, 12 control and coordination)  
 **Current setting:** Random protocol.

 **Switch**

 **start:** **pure** **control activation"**

I chanted filling my voice with mana before my sight was merged with the one of 12 different observes generated by my mystic code.

* * *

Have you ever seen those video on National Geographic where some man with a barely cured beard explains you flies see?+ If your answer is yes good you can understand how I saw the world after activating my mystic code... otherwise GO GET SOME CULTURE DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW HOW FLIES SEE UH? UH!

TV entertainment tastes aside.

My vision split in thriteen different perspectives, twelve of them allowed me to see the road I was risking my life just a few moments ago and the remaining one an old man healing... Guess which was more depressing?

By the way on the road Berserker was sheltering Illya with his massive body while a flock of 48 fiery orange birds was flying randomly tracing lines of fire in the air.

"Perfect, just as planned"  
I muttered as my decoy was working pretty decently:The orange assault units were swarming fast and deadly all over the place making an area of about 40 square meters impassable, any homunculus or human would have been burnt crisp in a second, in fact Berseker was impossible move away from Illya without letting her roast. We had reached an impasse Illya was stuck until I maintained the spell and I couldn't harm her until Berseker was her meat shield. I moved the control units around to see if I could find an opening, but there was nothing to do Berseker was curled up around his master like an impenetrable barrier, plus I couldn't dare to let my opponent notice that the twelve control units looked a bit darker that the assault one; If Illya saw through that detail she may understand that I could operate so many semi-familiars at the same time because I had 12 tiny repeaters that controlled four units each, with the right timing and luck it was possible shot down some of them and thus drastically reducing the number of assault units.

"Now what do I do?"  
I thought sending a control unit high in the sky.

From up there I could gasp just how far I fell from Berserker, to be honest I was almost scared: I rolled down from quite the distance. Still escaping wasn't a possibility, my range with the phoenix flower was around 800 metres and if my attacks were to be dispelled Illya and Berserker would resume their assault in an instant.

"Unless I discover how many lives that monster has left there're too many risks"

"See the bigger picture brat, if you can't break their bodies break their spirits"  
Groaned Assassin with refound awareness.

"Hey Assassin still alive?"  
I asked while the corners of my lips were itching into a smile.

"I'm breathing"  
He got more comfortable on the rock I left him on

"good, what were you philosophize about?"

"her servants"

"THERE ARE MORE HEROIC SPIRITS"

"NO! The maid and the driver they must be still around, if we can lure them out we get useful hostages or decoys"

"Right, I'll scan the area"  
I held two fingers in front of me focusing on the control bird I sent above as a scout.

Illya was in the same place , we were still here and

"Oh.."  
I turned towards my left and shot two bullets in the bushes

*Pam Pam  
"AAAAHHHHH!"  
A woman screamed  
"One"

"Sella!"  
"and Two"  
Another female Homunculus, dressed like a maid, jumped out of the bushes from the opposite direction charging with a halberd.

*swwwam  
She brutally lowered her weapon towards my head.

"Weak"  
I stopped her attack with one hand grabbing with reinforced fingers the space right behind the edge.

"Uh"  
She squeaked confused.

"Nice try fellow homunculus, but that's how far you go""  
I slightly bowed before

 _*pam pam pam  
_ Releasing four alchemic bullets in her guts.

She could only emit a "bruha" before having blood seeping out of her mouth and collapsing on the ground.

"L-l-leysritt, Leysritt"  
Begged the other maid crawling towards her comrade.

"Even though I shot through her knees she keeps moving... impressive"  
I thought before silencing her with the back of my gun.

"Assassin we got our hostages"

"Kukukuku quick and precise, nice job brat, grab your sword and the **thing,** I want to teach that tiny Godzilla he messed with the wrong servant."

* * *

MEANWHILE ILLYA

"Com'on, com'on, please work before I end up bald"  
 _*FTZ (sound of a magic hair frying)_

"RHAAA"

"I know it's hot Berserker, but keep in mind: I'M THE ONE THAT'S DRENCHED IN SOMEONE ELSE'S SWEAT"

"RHAAA"

"I'm working, I'm working, but the design for the defensive familiar isn't working, it requires emotional codes I rarely experienced in the past ten years"

"RHA"

"Excuse me !? you had to think about it first? How could I know you wouldn't be enough to solve the problem"

"RHA RHA"

"Yeah it's your fault, you should have been able to crush any issues, but look at us THE ISSUE IS CRUSHING US! "

"Rha"

"Eh? The Issue stopped?"

"Illyasfiel I've come to bargain!"

"rRhhhggrr"

"thanks...I could tell we got company Berserker"

* * *

"This is crazy, this is crazy, this is crazy"  
I kept repeating like a mad man climbing back on that Goddamn road.

How many times I nearly died in thisthat place 5? 4? Standing to my politique it was already 5, 4 times too much.

"And you're not helping"  
I frowned against the motionless body of a maid I was carrying on my back.

"There. you. go."  
I tossed the body past the guard rail.

"And here I am, finally a flat surfice"  
I drew my sword and caught the silver hair on my humanoid package

"Illyasfiel I've come to bargain!"  
I screamed stopping my fire birds and pulling up the package's face.

"Bargain?"  
Asked with a proud Illya coming out from her flesh hide.

Pff hilarious, her voice was totally in contrast with her sweaty and burnt clothes.

"What could you possibly offer cheap imit-"  
She stopped mid sentence realizing what I had to offer.

"Leave her now!"  
Illya screamed summoning one of her bird familiar.

"As you desire"  
I let go the maid's hair making her face smash on the road.

"Bastard"  
She launched her bird

"...this girl she never learn"  
I sighed destroying her familiar with one of the fire bird I was keeping in stand by all over the road.

"no no no, that's not how bargains works"  
I stomped on the head of my hostage.

"I make a propose, you make a counter propose and then we search an agreement that's how bargains works"  
I put a bit more weight.

"You want a propose Berserk-"

"Ah ah the moment Berserker moves my birds will roast you and if that is not enough Assassin is here too"

"..."

"Good now let's talk this out like mature people, I'll give you this girl tonight in exchange for the true name of your servant, for the other one you'll have to retreat and tomorrow I'll leave the her in front of Fuyuki's church."

"You are talking big cheap imitation, why would I disclose such important information? Sella and Leysritt are only two servants made to protect me, they're ready to be sacrified for my sake"  
Spoke emotionlessly Illya.

Her voice was cold, she was just repeating a sentence she learned by heart.

"I'm sure they're otherwise they wouldn't have tried to set an ambush. Yet I wonder are **you** ready to sacrifice them?"  
I asked removing my foot from the maid's head and staring directly in Illya's eyes.

"Of cours-"

 _*Swinnn  
_ I stuck my sword in the asphalt a centimetre away from the maid's throat leaving Illya paralysed

"Dilated pupils, hyperventilation, accelerated beats: obviously lie. Illyasviel von Einzbern you're like me, a being that struggle to understand the concept of love or affection, but that would never abandon what it really treasure. You can't sacrifice your servants so stop pulling out that useless proud mask and make a choise before it's too late"  
I pointed at her making all my semi familiars spin around the two of us.

And so as the two of us were enclosed in a wall of fire I asked.  
"Do you accept?"

"Counter offer, I give you only the region of the worlds where Berserker comes from and I ignore you for the next three days, we could even met in the middle of another unrelated battle and I wouldn't make a single move against you"

"How do I know you'll keep your promise?"

"Right back at you how do I know you'll respect the agreement and leave Leysritt at the church tomorrow?"

"Feeding people is expensive and if I was to starve her I would have straight up killed her...saves time, besides it's meaningless for myself direct all your anger on me by not honoring my part of the deal"  
I said diplomatically

"Fair point"

"Deal?"

"Deal"

"First the region, then the girl"  
I said drawing a gun different from my usual one and pointing it towards the maid's head

"Persia, Berserker comes from the ancient Persia"  
She lied with a straight face, or with something close to straight face, her eyebrows twitched of a millimetre giving out she was lying... In comparison to three seconds ago she already made significant progress at deceiving people.

"Wow this girl really doesn't give up... mha I guess that's fair after all I got a surprise for her too... at least now I know Berserk is not from Persia"  
I thought lifting the maid and tossing her in the air

"Sella! Berseker catch her"  
Ordered Illya resembling more a survivor of the walking dead than the doll she was at the beginning of the evening.

With a swift movement I aimed my unusual gun towards the female body flying in the hair. The weapon with its silver body and futuristic design warmed up in my hand while a glowing blue sphere placed instead of the hammer shined of blue. Yeah the thing in my hand was the **thing** , an highly advanced mystic code able to shoot highly condensed bullets of spinning mana, I called it the Rasen-gun.

"Assassin time to shine"  
I shot the mana bullet towards the maid's body.

*swin  
The energetic projectile hit the body leaving behind an azure trace.  
The second after Berserker caught the falling body, yet the eyes of the servant didn't meet two crimson orbs, but a pair of purple II.

* * *

"So you'll play the unconscious maid with Haruno's Noble Phantasm and create an opening"

"Nope you'll create the opening, I'll use what you can give me just use the **thing** properly so I can switch mode in mid-fight"

"Rasen-gun"

"I refuse to call it like that"

* * *

Like a cold winter breeze a single word left Hachiman's mouth  
"Yukino"

*sszzzziiinnn  
and with the blade that appeared in his hand he severed the head of Berserker.

"Round three little lady"  
Said Assassin jumping down the decapitated servant and sticking his sword, Hatsuyuki, in the asphalt .

Suddenly a pillar of light enveloped Berserker resetting him to his original state, yet he didn't even had the time to roar, grunt or even think for what I knew, because a giant paw of ice surged from the road and sent him flying across the wall of fire I created.

"Berserker!"  
Screamed Illya as her servant was blown away by a...

 **"** **Hokkyoku gādian"  
** (Arctic Guardian)

a

 **"PAN-SAN!"**

 **a colossal Panda made of pure ice**

"Now  
fear me Berserker  
because I have faced challenges bigger than you can imagine  
Because I had to search for every limited edition of a damn puppet for over 50 yeas of marriage!  
If you think that sword of yours is enough to beat me you're FUCKED!"  
Shouted my servant in a "this is Spartha" fashion, charging at Berserker on the back his Noble Phantasm

... yep that was it an ice golem shaped like a panda.

* * *

"You lied! Where are Sella and Leysritt?"  
Screamed Illya reinforcing her lower libs to jump above the fire wall that surrounded us.

"Did't I already tell you: I'm an adult I lie for contract, besides your attention should be focused on more pressing matters"  
I commanded my assault units to attack the tiny girl.

"Damn you!"  
She ripped a dozen of hairs summoning swords and birds.

The second she landed our respective spells started to clash filling the air with explosive noises and energetic sparks. With my surprise Illya proved herself more tenacious than expected, in the brief moment of her jump she smartly came out with a plan to counter my attack: She made spin around her all the sword familiars to act like shields while sending around couples of birds bounded by a thread to cut down the number of my tiny phoenixes.  
I have to admit I was enjoying myself, a combative grin appeared on my face as I was pushing Illya more and more on the defensive; from a pure statistic point my familiars were more powerful: every single of them could in fact pierce through Illya's birds shatter her swords with two directly impacts, what balanced the game was that Illya's spells were more versatile than mine and she could add new familiars un til she had hair on her head.

*Bom bom Pow

Crimson and blue explosions kept growing in number and intensity around the violet doll. According to my estimates Illya had lost fifteen swords and thirty-six birds, still for some reason her mana resources didn't give any sign of drying up, she was keeping to rip her hair and create familiar like her reserves were unlimited, the whole thing made me anxious; the number of my phoenixes had decreased of ten meanwhile Illya was slowly crawling her way out from the corner I drove her in before. If things just progressed in this way I may end up cutting off her legs with Existence to assure my victory.

"Com'on Einzbern fail, I have to hurt you just the minimum necessary"  
I thought while stupid emotions went to ruin the precise and logical gears of my mind.

Unconsciously I made slow down my blazing assault and Illya, immediately noticing this change, ripped off another of her silver hair and created a familiar I had yet to see.

" **Speer"**  
She chanted turning her hair into a glowing javelin and sending it towards me: It was a silver dart composed of pure raw energy, it didn't have any feature of pilotage, it was just a spear shaped bomb.

" **Bahalmung** "  
I said channeling in my blade the last bits of Siegfried's energy I still had in me. Existence immediately shape-shifted in the broadsword of the hero of the Netherlands and with a bluish arc I sliced through Illya's attack.

"dammit"  
I grunted as I accidentaly released a beam of energy towards the girl. I didn't want to kill her!

Pure terror ran through Illya's crimson eyes as she was surrounded by a flock of fiery phoenixes from left, right and behind and had a condensed mana laser coming for from the front.

" **Schildglocke** "  
She dived laterally and trying to summon a defensive magic...yeah trying a bell shaped shield began to form around her, but it suddenly shattered before being completed, letting Illya defenseless in front of my phoenixes.

"WAAAAHHHHH"  
Her right arm got scorched and her crying voice resounded all over the place like a shattered window.

"narrowly escaped"  
I sighed relived that the violet doll survived... this war was going to spill already too much blood at least I wanted to avoid ending the existence of fellows homunculi.

Responding to the voice of his Master Berseker immediately abandoned the fight with Assassin and to protect Illya jumped right in front of her. His condition was terrible: Berserker's chest was a riot of cuts, frozen blood was all over his face and weird pieces of ice were moving around his body leaving new injuries; his sword hand had been almost amputated. Still the mad warrior seemed nowhere near to be defeated, the moment he landed he cut down five of my phoenixes with one movement of his sword.

"Tsk those things are precious"  
I hissed retiring the other units above my head.

"RHGAAAAAAAAAAAA"  
roared the big guy, like an animal defending its territory.

Berserker looked like a lion protecting its child, he was trying to incute fear in my heart with his thundering voice and menacing stature to keep me away from the trebling Illya who holding back the tears and hugging the burned arm...I hate to say it but it was working Berserker was fucking scary.

"arf arf... I appreciate a pause, but arf... arf you have to get back here Steroyd-san arf... arf I seriously want to end this fight"  
Said Assassin wrapped in the cold mist reaching my side.

Like Berserker, Hachiman had really seen better days too: his battle suit was torn in countless points and had as many injuries scattered on all his body; the only thing that kept my servant away from mayor blood loss was all the ice he used to seal his wounds.

"Are you okay?"  
I asked watching his state.

"I'll be better when I won't have to worry about his guy anymore"  
Chuckled Hachiman rising his one handed Japanese sword.

 **"Saisho no yukigafuru"  
** (The first snow falls) **"**

Suddenly all the ice remaining on Berserker expanded sealing the monster into an armor, no a coffin, a panda shaped coffin.

"Rhhaaaaaaaa"  
Berseker twisted himself trying to get rid of the ice, he scratched, punched and bit every that was freezing around him. Yet even his herculean (A/N Sieg get a grip!) strength was enough as from each of his wounds crimson ice started to bloom as well.

Illya's servant ended up confined in crimson and cobalt pandish sarcophagus, meanwhile Hachiman fell on his knee from the great amount of mana he was consuming, yet he kept his sword up and continued to pour his energy in it until the blade began shining, Assassin wanted to release the true name his Noble Phantasm.

 **"SNOW"**

countless pillars of ice grew around the arctic coffin.

" **MAIDEN"**

(yuki no otome)

and then pierced through it along with Berserker.

Fountains of crimson blood tainted the ice, that immediately shattered the third pillar of light resetted Berserker once more, Just how many lives had this dude.

"GRAAAAAAAA!"  
Screamed Berserker charging against us.

"Just Die ALREADY **Saisho no yukigafuru"  
** Railed Assassin forcing the ice glittering around Berserker to wrap around his left leg.  
" **SNOW MAIDEN"  
**

Again sharp ice spikes ran through the mad servants body filling his leg with holes, yet he didn't even winked and kept advancing in a neck breaking rush.

"Master Decoy and mode switch"  
Ordered me Assassin dashing towards Berserker.

"Oh dear, Oh dear, Oh dear if Berserker doesn't go down for good with this life a tactical retreat is the only solution"  
I thought sending five fire birds in the mad servant's eyes to do my part as Decoy.

Assassin was now in Berserker's sword range and in normal condition would have been tored apart by that stone blade within the blink of an eye, yet since the mad servant had been blinded by my flames Assassin obtained a precious second he exploited to summon from the ground his ice panda-golem.

"RHA"  
my servant grunted using the panda as a stepping stone to jump above Berserker's head. I immediately aimed the Rasen-gun towards him and shot a mana bullet. A stardust cloud was created as the blue projectile hit Assassin; the IIs in his eyes became two Vs and all the ice in the area disappeared at once while the Silent coat manifested itself on Hachiman.

"Get him old man"

"Heanvely blow that bring discipline"  
 **SHIZUKA SHINKANSEN**

Hachiman drove his fist coated in white light on Berserker's skull.

*DROOOOOOMMMMMM  
A rumble of thunder echoed above Fuyuki.

*Crush  
Berserker's knees crushed on the asphalt. Thick blood started to flow down his nose, but the mad servant keeping faith to his name ignored his cracked cerebral bone and swinged his sword against Assassin.

"Shit"  
Spat Hachiman backflipping on Bererker's head an instant before the stone edge reached him and things went ugly.

"RHAAASSAAAASSSSSSSIIIIIINNNNNNNN"  
The mad servant broke his vocal cords in the closest thing to a word he ever pronounced before leaving behind his sword and engaging Assassin in a fist fight.

"pankrátion"  
I muttered while Berserker assaulted Assassin with a martial art that resembled modern boxing.

"God No way"  
Gasped my servant while pressing his fist on Berserker's one.

" **SHIZUKA SHINKANSEN,  
** Assassin re-directed the mad servant's raw power from the arm to the rest of the body, and managed to spin on himself and drive his light coated elbow in that monster arm. Tiānguó zhī hé de quántóu counter move number 13.

*crack  
Berserker's forearm bones gushed out from his skin.

"Master run !"  
Screamed Assassin escaping from Berserker while his eyes only conveyed the "we're fucked" message.

"It's Heracles"

"OH SHIIIIIITTTTT *thuuuummmmm uh! Assassin what are you doing! Drop me I can run by myself!"

"FASTER THAN HIM?!"

"RHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"On a second thought... RUN RUN FOR OUR LI-AHAHAHAHHAAVES!"

"HOLD TIGHT WE'RE GOING IN THE WOO- GUARD RAIL!"

*jump

"AH I BIT MY TONGUE"

* * *

And so a daring escape on Assassin's shoulders began

* * *

"SOOOO he is Heracles like Heracles Heracles?"  
I asked while limping on my servant's back and shooting my phoenixes.

"No the hair dresser in OF COURSE IT'S FUCKING HERACLES! Street"  
Responded vaguely agitated Hachiman keeping to slalom around trees and bushes at frightening speed.

I didn't know how much longer he could keep up, maintaining focused the white reinforcing magic of the Silent Coat in his legs must have required an insane amount of concentration to Hachiman, without mentioning now that he had switched mode all the ice sealing his injuries from the previous fight with Berserker was gone, so Assassin was also losing quite the amount of blood.

"BERSERKER GET THEM"  
"RHAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAA"  
Screamed the other master servant tandem closing distance.

"Just go break someone else's balls for God sake"  
I shouted drawing my normal gun and emptying the magazine on Berserker's face.

Dammit that monster was feeling more the wind slashing on his face, than my bullet breaking those fangs he had instead of his teeth.

Still I had a doubt crowding my mind in this life-death situation.

"Assassin why the hell is Berserker's noble phantasm multiple lives? It doesn't make any sense, couldn't he have, I don't know, a strength boost, or the Nemea's lion fur?"  
I said trying to put together all the information about the servant.

"Beats me! But I bet that monster won't go down unless we kill him twelve times"

"Why twelve?"

"It's the only number that strikes my mind when I think about Heracles myth!"

"but that would be broken"  
I shouted covering the howling wind.

"Said the Homunculus with an heroic spirit heart!"  
Responded Assassin with his usual sass.

"... I hate you"

"Branch"

"OUCH! Dammit Assassin, say it sooner"

"don't whine for everything BRANCHES"

"OUCH! MOTHER FUC-OUCH! Can you tell me at least where we are going!"

"Where we left the two maids! we use them as decoy and then D-1-0!"

"... really?"

"Really"

"LET'S ROOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL"  
I shouted while an hestatic bolt run through my spine.

I couldn't believe it we were going to do the D-1-0.

"Jeanne will never believe it!"  
I thought while a stupid smile sprouted on my face and my fire assault on Illya and Berserker became more fierce.

"CHEAP IMITATION!"  
Roared the little girl blocking all my attacks with her silverish swords that now were spinning like chain saws.

Her eyes were lit by a crimson light that resembled lava coming out from a volcano, and even if her burned arm was limping on her side I could still see her scorched hand closed into a bloody fist. Now I was wondering who was the real berserker between master and servant.

"Master prepare the **thing** we will reach the maids in 5, 4"

"I told you it's called the Rasen-gun"

"2, 1 Hold tight!"  
Shouted Assassin as he jumped in a small clearing with a tall pine in the centre, where Illya's two maids were lying under.

"this is going to be epic!"  
I screamed in my draconic heart before all the white light in Assassin's legs focused on his feet tips.

Now Illya had just to take the baith

"SELLA LEYSRITT!"  
Cried the Homunculs focusing all her attention on them.

YEAH!

"GO ASSASSIN WE ARE ALL GREEN"  
I cried as my servant jumped on the pine planting his luminous feet tips in the bark and starting to run vertically.  
*ta *ta *ta *ta *ta *ta *ta  
Small wooden chops fell down from the tree with each step, meanwhile Illya against every logical decision jumped down Berserker and went to check her servants... **exactly as planned.**

"Edge of the tree in 3,2,1 NOW"  
Said Assassin jumping from the tip of the pine.

Like a shooting star he traced an arc of light in the night with his white feet, and once he reached the middle of his trajectory he left me in the void.

"D-1-0"  
I grinned shooting with the Rasen-gun my servant that was soaring the sky right above me.

*thinnnnnn  
The blue bullet of mana hit Hachiman.

"And now let's see this retarded plan at work. Oroboro"

In a moment Assassin lost his coat, the purple Vs in his eyes became two Is and a thick veil of smoke surrounded him.

"Brat go!"  
He raged throwing to me the axe-shaped stick known as Master Key.

Unable to suppress it any longer a mad laugh bubbled out of my lungs.  
"It's happening!"  
I thought catching the Master key.

I turned to watch Illya and Berserker checking the two maids, my lips felt dry the wind was slashing painfully on my bruised face but GODDDAMIT NOTHING WAS GOING TO RUIN THIS MOMENT.

I reinforced my whole body, shot down half of my remaining phoenixes, extensted Assassin's Noble phantasm towards the ground and opened my heart to it.

" **M** **aster key  
** **R  
** **R  
R**  
 **O**  
 **O**  
 **O**  
 **D**  
 **D**  
 **A**  
 **A**  
 **A**  
 **A**  
 **R**  
 **R**  
 **R**  
 **O**  
 **O**  
 **O**  
 **O**  
 **L**  
 **L**  
 **L**  
 **L**  
 **L**  
 **A**  
 **A**  
 **A**  
 **A**  
 **D**  
 **D**  
 **D**  
 **D**  
 **A**  
 **A**  
 **A**  
 **A**  
 **A**  
 **A**  
 **A**  
 **A**  
 **A**  
 **A"**

"My Jojobrothers and Jojosisters I did it"

and so I slammed on Heracles with a road roller weighting a ton and half.

* * *

Rejection, anger, depression, sadness and acceptance are the five phases every person go through to deal with the mourning.  
Uh? Uh! UH! UUUHHHH and AAAAAAAHHHH are instead the five phases that accompany an event known as the "OMG a road roller is falling on me".

As It's easy to imagine Illyasfiel von Einzber went through the latter five when she realized what was happening above her head.  
To be precise in this way.

"RRRROOOOODDDDDDDDAAAA"

Uh?

"RRRRRROOOOOOLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAA"

Uh!

"DDDDDDDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

UH!

*TUWWWAAAAWAAAAANNNNNNGGGGG (transformation sounds)

UUUHHHH

"WWWWWWWRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Keep in mind thought that this whole absurd situation was obtainable only because Berserker, a.k.a Heracles, had his sword arm completely ruined by Assassin counter (so he couldn't grab the road roller and throw it into the oblivion). Plus I was kind of blinding him with ten of my remaining twenty phoenixes.

At this point Illya Watching first me then her maids threw herself on the unconscious women, like a XXXS meat shield.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! **you won't touch them** "  
She ripped for the nth times one of her silver hairs.

" **Schildglocke** "  
Cried the little master summoning the same defensive spell she failed to activate on the road while fighting me.

Still this time the spell appeared to worked properly and a bell shaped barrier appeared around her and the maids.

I didn't know why the outcome was different from her first attempt and I honestly I didn't care. BUT I was slightly bothered by a tiny yet fundamental detail: in my mind Illya would have just pushed her maids eh.. 50? 45 centimetres away from where they were so the road roller wouldn't land on their legs, then I would have landed on Berserker, jumped down my meme of transportation and knocked out Illya.

Easy.

Unfortunately that brat decided to defend instead of evading and I couldn't even imagine what was going to happen.

"Was I going to crush the legs of three homunculi?"

"Was that shield going to endure my mortal reference?"

Or, wait I didn't care I'd win in 99% of cases screw hypothesis.

"Too late to worry, Too late tpo change plans"  
I rose my shoulders preparing for the impact on Heracles.

 **CRAAAASSHHHHHHHHHHH**

"Rhwmwmnso"  
The monster sunk in the ground unable to stop the heavy machine with just one arm.

"One down"  
I rejoiced before noticing a something...Bizzarre

"Uh!?"

A glowing balloon filled with three Homunculi was right in front of my face...what the fu-Oh the barrier had a small part pinched under the road roller and the pressure was moving the defensive familiar like in tiddlywinks"

...Wait, Oh shit!

*Pop

With the sound of a champagne cork the silver shield, along with the three artificial ladies, shot into the sky like a comet, making its way through the branches of all the trees. And to make matters worse they...raced in full Hachiman who was still falling.

"Holy shit"  
were the only two words I could pronounce as Hachiman, Illya and her two maids flew away like a screaming bullet in the night  
" **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA** AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH _HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH_ hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

"..."

Unable to profer any more words I just stared at the sky like a complete idiot hoping that something would break the stasis I found myself into... luckyly a sound reached my ears.

 _Drin* Drin*_

* * *

"Mochi mochi"

"HI Sieg"

"Jen"

"Do you know where are the AAA batteries?"

"Look inside the indian pot"

"the blue or the red one"

"blue"

"Thanks I love you"

 _Tuuuu_

* * *

"The fuck just happened?"  
I muttered while all my facial muscles had stopped working.

Awkwardly I still remained immobile on the road roller with only the silence of the forest as companion.  
"What am I supposed to do now?"

The whole situation was too stupid I couldn't make any straight thought exept for "Wtf" and geez thank god I was till lucid enough to make a song start from my smartphone before my head's voice came to pay a visit.

arf* arf*

I had to think, collect my thoughts, come out with something. ANYTHING now that there wasn't any immediate threat.

*GHHOOOOO

...

OH FOR FUCK SAKE. Why I keep triggering death flags, I wasn't look for trouble when "I'm walking on sunshine" started on my phone.

*GHRROAOAAA  
Other beastly sounds creeped out of the ground and then Berserker, wounded in unspeakable manner, overturned the road roller laterally.

"Dammit dammit DAMMIT"  
I groaned as I fell with my butt on the ground.

In the blackness of the forest I couldn't see many things, but thankfully I immediately realized the Road roller was going to squash me.

"Return"

In an instant I braced myself and using all my will power I managed to make the Master Key return in its original shape

Even today I didn't become tasty homunculus omelette.

But I guess it wouldn't really make a difference to the guy in front of me if he decided I was on his menù for today.

"GGRRAA"  
Berserker crawled his way out from the soil and safter that he did the usual: shout to his heart content.  
"RHAAAAAAA"  
His voice crushed all the quiet and peace of the forrest, like an elephant stomping on an ant. But then he suddenly stopped and started to look around for his Master.

He watched towards the front, right, left, behind, but nothing his little Master was nowhere to be seen. Understanding this fact Berserker stared in my eyes (Oh I didn't notice one of his eyes was yellow and the other red), hold up his sane hand and did the tiny gesture, then of course.

"GHHHAAAAAAA"  
Roared.

My blood froze, apparently he wasn't going to murder me instantly...he was trying to communicate. Since the coversation wasn't going to be much serious if a "I'm walking on sunshine woooooo" kept resounding in the air I stopped the music and looked at the servant's hand.

"What?"

"GHHHHAAAAA"  
He pushed his hand towards me.

"Illya?"

"RHA"

"ah say it sooner"  
I laughed awkwardly trying to keep control of my urinary system.

"There"  
I pointed the hole she made in the tree branches of the forest while flying away.

"Gr?"  
Heracles tilted his head puzzled.

"She. Flew. Away. In. A. Ball. And. Hit. Assassin."  
I spelled with various gestures.

"RRRR?"  
He pointed the hole I showed him before.

"Yeah truly"

"... Rarrarrrin?"  
Asked the colossus pushing down the skin under his eyes

"I already told Assassin got hit and now is flying somewhere with your Master"

"Rhag Rhag Ra"

"I know it's really seems a cheap way to switch ambientations"

"... Grr"

"I don't wanna re-start killing each other"

"Rha"

" I know you haven't anything better to do but- "Nigerundayo"- **MASTER KEY COBRA BIKE!** "  
I turned my heels and activated again Assassin's Noble Phantasm.

Gathering nearly all the mana I had left, I summoned the power of the Master Key to manifest Hachiman's motorcycle; The effort nearly made me faint, but I couldn't let the fatigue have the best of me, not during my last desperate attempt to remain alive.

VRRRRROOOM  
Thundered the black motorcycle as I gave gas. The wheels vibrated on the ground, blue particles ame out of the exhaust pipe and a instant before Berserker could catch me I became a dark bolt in the woods.

The sudden acceleration made my neck snap back with a painful shock across my spine, I felt the wind pressing on my face so strongly I could barely keep my eyes open and the number of times I nearly crushed on a tree was way bigger than I could ever count.

"Shit Shit Shit, why can't this thing go faster"  
I swore when I realized Berserker had begun to chase me and that he was going to reach me.

A sense of loss grew inside my chest and formed a thick lump in the throat.  
"God please if you really exist I need a miracle"  
I prayed giving more and more gas to the phantasmal vehicle.

Drin _drin  
_ My phone rang.

* * *

"Mochi mochi"

"BBBRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"

"Hey Assassin how are you?"

"TTTTEEERRRIIIBBBLLLEEEEEEE"

"Good me too, where are you?"

"ABOVE FUYUKI!"

"I see. Listen Berserker is chasing me, I'm going to use a command seal"

"NO BRAT WAIT, ENDURE A MINUTE EINZBERN IS GOING TO SUMMON BERSERKER TO CATCH HER, RESIST ANOTHER MINUTE!"

"you'll be alone then!"

"I CAN ESCAPE, BESIDES THE MAIDS' WOUNDS WILL RE-OPEN WHEN WE LAND, THEY MUST BE TAKEN TO A HOSPITAL OR AT THE CHURCH"

"...1 minute"

"53 SECONDS"

"see you in front of H&M"

"AHHAAHAH SURE HACHIMAN AND MERCHANDISE! MY BEST SHADOW COMPANY!"

* * *

 _53 seconds later_

 _*TSUUUUUIIN  
(sound of a servant disappearing)_

 _Oh god oh god, I couldn't believe it_

"I-I'm...I'M STILL ALIVE MADAFAKKA! SUCK IT HERACLES, SUCK IT ILLYA AND SUCK IT EVRYBODY ELSE EVEN YOU ASSASSIN THIS EVENING WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH EASIER IF I COULD HAVE JUST SHOT THAT BRAT IN THE FACE!"  
I the homunculus who survived, rose my fist into the sky and let my joy and irritation involve the trees.

... ( sound of a vegetal crowd in raptures)

"ahahah... oh right Assassin"  
I muttered stopping the motorcycle and dialing quickly a number on my phone.

*tuuuu * tuuu *tuuu

* * *

"Mochi mochi"

"Assassinnn"

"Yo"

"Berserker has disappeared"

"RHHAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"Really? I couldn't tell...Oh don't throw the mini van, the mini VAAAANNNNNN! _*CRUSH"_

"I don't like your sass my servant"

"And I don't like dodging cars, but hey NOBODY GETS WHAT HE WANTS"

"Want a command seal?"

"NO DON'T WASTE THEM! Can you hold on a minute, I 've to deal with a problem"

"suit yourself"

" _Hikki stealth"_

 _"Where did he go! Berserker destroy that building he went in that direction"_

 _"Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh?"  
*slip_

 _*crunch_

 _"FUCK"  
_

 _*thun_

 _"FUCK"  
_

 _*taan_

 _"AH"_

 _*crack_

 _"EH"  
_

 _*splat_

 _"DAMMIT"_

 _*shatter_

 _"JESUS"_

 _*booom_

 _"UH"_

 _"He escaped, good job Berserker uh couldn't you move a bit quicker?  
No I'm sorry, it's just that it's been a long evening. Let's... Let's just take Sella and Leysritt to the hospital they have lost too much blood"_

 _"..."_

 _"..."_

"Assassin are you okay?"

"I slipped..."

"on which floor"

"Seventh"

"Any broken bones?"

"Uh 3, 4, 5"

"Can you stand?"

"Maybe I'm stuck into someone's trash bin"

"...Nice really nice old man"

"Shut up, let the old me rest for a moment, I've burned too much mana in one night...*fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Brat... What about we retreat for now? We discovered the identity of a servant, bugged the maids I think it's already a good feat"

"..."

"...Sie-"

"Are you stupid?"

"...What..."

"We know were she is going, she has two meat bags to protect and Berserker is too injured to properly react, an unexpected bullet placed in the right place and we can make her tetraplegic or at least put her on a wheel chair, she'll drop the war"

"...Sieg she is just a child"

"...She is older than me, I'm ready to lose all four limbs in this war, I don't see why she wouldn't be"

"..brat"

"Don't brat me, every day we lose Jeanne gets weaker, I'm not letting go a golden opportunity to take down a Master like this"

"..."

"...Now chunk down that coffee of yours and switch to your seventh mode. I order to follow them, I'll reach you after putting back together the car"

"As you wish Master"

* * *

 _*TSSSUN (motorcycle disapperaing)_

 _"Phoenix flower, last ten units return in crystal form"_

 _..._

 _..._

 _..._

"Assassin you're stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! Retreat. Are you crazy! Let go Berserker. Are you even more crazy! That girl could make an ally any moment and He suggest to let her go! He is an idiot idiot idiot idiot IDIOT!"

 **"you're right truly an idiot"**

"Oh not you too get out from my brain or I swear I'll hear every single song of the One Direction until you're done for"

 **"Ahahah that would only hurt you, I'm just here to commend your work so: Good job Sieg. Nice speech"**

"Shut up you're just a voice inside my head"

 **"And you're just a doll made to become someone else"  
**

"So?"

 **"So to you I'm not real because you belive I'm"just" a voice, and to me you're not real because you're "just" a doll that refused its purpose"**

"The single fact that you exist only because you're in my head makes me already more real than you"

 **"Real like all your not lethal attempts to stop Illyasfiel von Einzbern"**

"..."

 **"OH SILENCE SUCH A BLESSING, after all these years of trashy songs used to keep me away from your head finally some peace and quiet."**

"..."

 **"Ok silence is boring just admit to yourself following Assassin's methods is stupid"**

"...what?"

 **"Oh Com'on we both know you could have killed Illya in ten seconds if you had really tried. Hell you didn't even open your heart valve** **"**

"... I followed Assassin's instructions"

 **"BUT WHO'S THE MASTER!?"**

"...I am"

 **"AND WHAT'S ILLYASFIEL"**

"...an obstacle"

 **"SO. WHY. IS. SHE. STILL. BREATHING?"**

"...Killing is wrong"

 **"PFAHAHHA that's your excuse, people die every day what's the matter if you increase the number of one, Assassin's philosophy not to kill is pure hypocrisy, yes he never killed with his own hands, but that doesn't make them clean besides, do you really think that spilling the bare minimum amount of blood you'll win the Holy Grail?"**

"...y-yes"

 **"Oh Please you only repeat that to yourself, because Hikigaya Hachiman told you to, not even a fiber of your body agree with that statement"**

"But I trust him"

 **"Oh no you don't trust him, you trust the security he gives you, you trust the idea he'll only do what benefits you, but look at the reality you're just one of the many people he rescued and never give a damn about"**

"You're lying"

 **"Then why didn't he accept to sacrifice at least one of is multiple lives to strengthen himself? Two modes less and with all the energy spared, he could have topped Berserker. Three mode less and he could have crushed the son of Zeus"**

"..."

 **"Accept it, he doesn't care about you as much as you care about him.  
Accept it, Hikigaya Hachiman is limiting your chances to save who you love  
Accept it, to you he is ABSOLUTE only because you needed someone to blindly follow  
** **Accept it,  
you never  
left that  
Tank  
You just  
switched its shell.  
Acknowledge it,  
You refused to  
become Siegfried  
To remain a bag of flesh kept under check by someone.  
Open your eyes  
You're alone  
you can only rely on the power  
within  
you"**

"...who are you"

 **"I'm the spirit that lies in your blood, the energy that day after day grew stronger in your body after the heart of the dragon slayer began to beat in your chest, I'm an ancient soul that merged with yours  
I'm the part of you that isn't bothered by petty emotions  
I'm your potential  
I'm power "**

 **"** what an awfully long introduction... I just wanted to know if you're the responsable for the red energy that dwells inside my anger"

 **"...I am"**

 **"** Perfect. Then show me the might of Nothung and help me slain my enemy, ancient dragon" **  
**

 **"as we become one I proclaim"**

* * *

 **INSTALL SABER CARD FAFNIR  
** INSTALL SABER CARD FAFNIR

* * *

Rage... Rage... Rage...

Within my chest there was only rage: a wild anger I never experienced so strongly before, a frustartion so deep I could only see red in front of me.

What was happening?

I could feel the air around me scorching the ground, my nails grow sharper, my teeth turning into fangs thirsty of blood, a pair of horns sprout from my fore head and my whole back being covered in scales.

To calm myself I tried to grab Existence in its shead right at my side, yet once I reached the handle I could only feel for a second the familiar sensation of my weapon before it shape-shifted in something else.

Responding to my new power Existence became the cursed blade Nothung: a long sword colored in black and red.

Pratically a bleeding shadow.

Nothung looked more like Bahlmung than Existence: so it was an European broadsword maybe a bit shorter than Siegfried's. The magic jewl from the time of Gods, source of Nothung power glowed of a malicious orange light, the grip was completely covered in a dark reptilian skin of some sort, the guard was completely made of an obsidian metal that kept remodelling itself like the water of a river, while the blade looked like a crimson cristal corrupeted inside by the veins of a black cancer.

"arh ha ah...God this feels even less natural than Siegfried"  
I groaned with a voice way deeper than usual as my mind stabilized

Finally I could again discern my thoughts realizing the confusion inside my brain have been caused by this new transformation.

Horns. Check

Claws. Check

Fangs. Check

Unnatural anger. Check

Acid reflux that's actually fire. Check.

Okay it's official I was in dragon force.

"And...oh heat sword"  
I commented testing Nothung in the empty space around me.

It was different from any weapon I ever used before, I felt like cutting the heat around me: Nothung's edge in the second I started to swing it around became red hot and ruby columns of thick mana began to source form my body.

"heat, neat... why is none around when I'm so funny" I shrugged while admiring Fafnir, no I guess my red power swirling around me.

So that was the energy dragons wielded.

"Seems soap"  
I thought manipulating the its flow around my hand to see its properties.

This red mana was tanglible: an energy more material and structured than anything I ever seen before, for some reason it seemed passive, how can I explain instead of a condensed lighting ready to explode, this power reminded me of magma placidly flowing around.

" **Reinforcement** "  
Suddely all the energy I gathered around my hand glued together and took the shape of a claw.

"Oh that's weird, I don't feel enchated at all, how's this thing supposed to work?"  
I muttered studying the dragonic aura around my it seemed more like an illusion than anything else.

Was I even a bit empowered?

To rub away my doubts I punched the first tree under my watch.

*punch

...

*punch

...

*punch

...

"ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA"

Nothing, my fists did absolutely nothing, it was like I had baloons instead of fists.

"Is this a joke? that's what a power of a dragon can do?"  
I groaned clawing the tree I tried to punch through.

I sighed deeply and just turned my heels, this was no-sense all the energy I spent to activate this spell had been useless, I mean really? Shouldn't Fafnir be an high tier dragon with insane powers?

"What's this shitty reinforcemen-*THUUUUNNNNNNNN... t"

"I retire any previous statement"  
I blinked multiple times realizing that the tree I was assaulting had been split in two from my claws. Dear god this power was slow to built up and long lasting in the time, truly the diametral opposite of Siefried's energy.  
Ironically sensed.

" **Did you like the tutorial flesh bag?"**

 **"** I'd give a six out of ten, but"

I cut down with Nothung four trees like they were made out of butter.

"the game seems promising"

" **And now?"**

"And now I take out a Master from this war"

" **Shall blood run on our cursed sword"**

"...Shall Hikigaya Hachiman learn my strenght...By the way with how much power I can surround myself with?"

" **More mana is condensed in a single place more difficult is to keep together, there're no defined limits though, it's just up to your strenght** **"**

"Good, can I make things like... wings for example"

" **...Flesh bag no"**

" _REINFORCEMENT_ _to infinity and beyond!"_

 **"No no no flying is advanced stuuuuuuuffffff"**

* * *

 **SUPRISE THIS FF HASN'T BEEN DROPPED... YET HORAY  
A WACKY AND EXTREME FIGHT BETWEEN THE STRONGEST MASTER OF THE H.G.W. FINALLY HAS STARTED**

 **(R.I.P. SIEG'S CAR-CHAN)**

 **I HOPE THAT WITH THIS CHAPTER I MADE CLEAR JUST HOE OP SIEG IS AND HOW DAMN SKILLED IS HACHIMASSASSIN TO SURVIVE AGAINST BERSERKER IN A HEAD-ON FIGHT.**

 **NEXT TIME THE LONER**

 **DRUNK HACHIMAN STRIKES BACK**


	11. The Loner III

THE DOLL

Cold cold cold everything in this stupid city was so cold. Just to help everyone visualize better: it was like iced water had replaced all my blood, I was freezing slowly and painfully... Truly, it was all fault of Fuyuki... and of that cheap imitation that burned into a crisp half of my clothing along with a portion of my arm.

Right my arm...

"Sella have to wake up quickly, and heal me..."  
I groaned looking at my left arm.

Dirt, blisters pieces, of my violet shirt; all those things stiked on my limb in a disgusting mix that distorted my guts.  
"At this point I might as well replace this useless thing with a piece of ice"  
I sighed deeply.

Since landing in Fuyuki with my defensive familiar, chasing away the Assassin servant and beginning my journey towards the closest hospital (Yeah I had an eventful night), all I could do to distract my mind from the painful chills coming from my elbow, was focus on the cold around me and on the tiny vaporous puffs of my breath. In this way all the pain that wanted to put me on my knees just became a frosty stream of shocks across all my spine.

To be honest it sucked as well but... at least I could keep walking.

"Berserker how are your wounds"  
I asked my servant.

"Rhaagg agggaaa"

"Yeah can you articulate your grunts a bit more?"

"..."

"Don't give me that stare, I just heard your wounds are.. Ehm "Cat crispy and poisonous""  
I puffed my cheeks outlining how speaking with a legitimately crazy servant could be... difficult.

"GRArrga"  
Berserker responded carefully putting one of his finger under his upper lip.

"Careful careful careful there is Leysritt on that arm"

"Rhgga"

"I'm watching but what am I supposed to seeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Where are your teeth!"

"Rooorha roorgha"

"The road roller that psychopath dropped on you broke all you teeth?!"

"HRG"

"Berserker...I'm sorry...all of this... all of this it wasn't supposed to happen"  
I said trebling as all the anxiety and fear I had built up broke out.

Between a flash of those phoenix familiars and another of that great sword cheap imitation wielded, a gush of molten lava rose up from my guts and before I even realized I was bent on the ground letting disgusting acid pour out of my throat.  
*bwaa

What was I doing why a single fight was enough to crush me so much. It wasn't the first time I found myself in a life threatening situation.

"arf * arf* that imitation was stronger than me...stronger than me, but I'm perfect I should be the last great homunculus. Why"

It wasn't the first time I had been pushed past my limits.

"Why I couldn't win"

But it was the first time I ever felt so helpless.

"Why I wasn't enough?"

It was the first time I realized that there was someone better than me. I had seen how Cheap imitation fought, I had seen how all his attacks lacked of killing intent, but most importantly I understood that he had enough power to turn me into ashes if had really wanted to.

He wasn't a Master, he was closer to a servant than anything else.  
The only thought of him made my bones chill and, let's keep in mind, I lived the first 18 years of my life secluded in a castle (without double glazing) placed on a mountain!

I was ment to be the best I was the best... yes past tense apparently that throne didn't belong to me anymore... or maybe it never belonged to me in the first place.

"it's unfair..."

The second those words left my mouth tiny droplets of water started to pour out of my eyes; Tears...no I couldn't belive I was crying for something like this, I spent ten years of my life without indulging in something so pathetic and now I was crying?

"What are you doing Illiyasfiel stop acting like a brat and get back on your feet"  
I told myself scratching away from my face the tears.

There was not time for feelings, only for pragmatic thinking.

Priority one treat Sella and Leysritt, then do something about for this arm and after that retire back in the castle"

"How far is the hospital Berserker?"  
I asked to my halting servant.

"Rha rra"

"Good I can still reach it with my legs... but I'm scared"

"gha"

"There so way they can treat them in less than a night, if we remain in a single spot too long we'd be an easy target."  
I said finally putting aside personal feelings.

I knew the hospital was the closest aid-centre from the point I landed and all my thinking energy had been directed on "helping Sella and Leysritt", but that was the reasoning of an animal that just followed his instincts I had to be more sophisticated and less impulsive.

"Berseker I have to ask you a favor"  
I said ripping a hair and gesturing my servant to lower his head.

With my good arm I caressed his wounded face a few times, his skin felt hot and hard like leather.

"Please"

I transformed my hair in a sword.

"Die for me"

And then without any hesitation I pressed the glowing tip of my familiar in Berserker throat. He didn't react, not even a blink, he just lowered his head more to have the sword dig deeper and deeper in his trachea; a moment later the light pillar of the God Hand surrounded him restoring his body and strength to their peak.

Too many lives lost in a single night.

"Berserker change of plans we go to the church, the hospital will take too long to heal them"  
I proclaimed climbing (with one damn arm!) on my servant shoulder, near to both Sella and Leysritt.

If I was going to take my maids till the church, avoiding any more fights I needed the fastest ride possible and right now only Berserker could be that ride.

"Grr"  
Suddenly grunted him quietly.

...and there he went with the reproof.

"I know, we are going to meet at least a Master at the church, but if you buy me just a minute of time I can get inside and then no servant would threat me"

"ro?"

"Of course I can do it, now Berserker go and you two... Hang in there"  
I said as the muscular servant began to run across the streets of Fuyuki.

I barely registered the sudden air direction; in the matter of a second Berserker had left behind the road I was previously walking on, the wind began to howl in my ears and my hair wip around in the void.

"This is faster than I expected"  
I thought while all the flesh on my cheek started to be pulled back and I was forced to strain a smile.

The lights of the city for me looked just like tiny lines that appeared and disappeared as I blinked. My heart was pulsing wildly, but for a moment I let my ind drift away and stare up to the sky: it was like being under a rain of shooting stars.

"ahaha almost hilarious if shooting stars really granted wishes the Holy grail war, would have never existed"  
I chuckled childish while passing beside an artificial lake.

Then a miracle, the cross on top of Fuyuki's church suddenly spire in front of my eyes, YES just another moment and my plan was going to succeed.

"pff I did it"  
I slowly relaxed my tense back.

Sella and Leysritt were going to be fine, this night was going to be an happy ending... or at least that's what I believed until a weird light was reflected on the lake near Berserker and I.

A crimson comet fast like a lightning appeared above us. I only had the time to see a humanoid figure inside it before Berserker planted his heels in the road slowing suddenly and summoning his sword Nine Lives to protect me from was about to come.

" **YOR TOOL SHUL"  
** From the red comet a voice that sounded old like the world itself, filled the air.

And then a colossal fire ball engulfed all the sky.

BOOOOOOOOMMMMM

With an ear ripping explosion the ball collided with Nine lives and sent Berserk flying.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH"  
I screamed with all the breath I possessed as my servant spinned in mid air to avoid I and the maids got squashed under his weight.

CRUNCH

Berseker smashed on the asphalt while I Sella and Leysritt got propelled barely the road on the edge of the artificial lake. My head felt fuzzy warm blood was flowing on my forehead and I had no energy left to fight.

"who's attacking another servant"  
I thought while the red comet slowly lied on the road.

The asphalt under it immediately began to melt and as the humanoid figure inside all that crimson light became more defined I only felt the urge to scream.

" _ahahahahahhahaha you thought you'd escape from me"_

It was the cheap imitation, but he had horns, claws and teeth that looked more like fangs.

"you"  
I hissed trying to get up in vain.

"Yup me, I came here to end what I started"  
He said with a smile of pure glee that didn't fit with the emotionless homunculus I fought before.

His presence was stronger than before, its wildness almost reminded me of Berserker and the sword he was wielding..ugh seemed forged out of the flames of a nightmare.

"RGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
Roared Berserker standing up from the asphalt and beginning to charge towards Cheap Imitation.

"Get out of my way"  
Said the demon-like homunculus summoning what remained of his flock of fire birds, however they looked different.

At first all those tiny phoenix had a swallow-like design, now they were bigger and looked like more like kites... something was definitely off.

"Berserker NO!"  
I shouted while my opponent pointed his red and obsidian blade towards my servant.

Unfortunately Heracles ignored my order keeping to charge straight, and then it happened an ominous scarlet aura engulfed the sword of that demon: Heat waves warmed the entire area, half of the fire kites began to spin around the blade and soon after  
" **MAGNA YO** **R TOOL SHUL"**  
a cruel sun even bigger than before was shot against Berserker.

Before my eyes everything became fire, I could barely discern my servant crossing sword with the homunculus in that raging inferno, yet a detail immediately pierced through my mind: Berserker's left arm was gone. At that point I nearly re-started to cry, after all I didn't want anyone else I loved to suffer, but after taking a closer look I realized that even without an arm the one leading the fight was still Berserker. Up, down, right, left Nine lives kept appearing from direction to attack the demon Master who had lost his cheerful face and now kept just his teeth clanged trying to dodge all those strikes.

"... Go you're the strongest servant"  
I whispered with weak smile as watched my servant out power the Cheap Imitation.

That's right even if the world fell into pieces Berserker was going to stand for me, It didn't matter if he had received that powerful powerful fire ball at blank-point range, he was still the most powerful servant in this war and nothing was going to stop him.

*twiiinnnn

After the nth exchange of blows Cheap imitation lost the grip on his sword. The end was finally here.

"That's no good"  
Commented my opponent while Berserker rose his sword for the final strike.

Still before the attack could land an enormous dragon claw appeared from the ground and sliced away Berserker's remaining arm.

"Oh to be clear, That's no good was meant for you "  
Grinned the demon turning his hands in other claws and then dashing forward.

*Slashhh

Crimson lines ran through my servant thigh and as soon as a stream of blood began to spray out of it I realized... another limb had been severed.

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !"  
I screamed trying and failing again to stand up.

my whole body felt weak terribly weak more than I ever experienced before, and that sensation of hopelessness invaded every fiber of my being.

"Ah Ah Ah ahahhahahahahah have you seen my power old-man"  
Roared the Homunculus walking away from Berserker past all the flame he himself had created.

In his eyes a glinting madness was sparkling as if to cover a deep and cold sadness. I could see he was more tired than he expected from the fight with Berserker, that Imitation could barely walk and both his horns and fire birds had started to shrink.

"And now let me fight this war as I'm supposed to do"  
He whispered staring at his feet. Apparently he was talking to somebody who wasn't even here.

"I'm not ready to lose, so please understand I have to win"

"... _what's he talking about"_  
I thought while that half mad demon placed himself about ten metres from me.

"...Illyasfiel von Einzbern will you surrender your command seal?"  
He asked me aiming towards my face his last five fire birds.

"...I'd rather die than surrender"  
I responded grasping all the pride I had left.

If this was the end for me, I'll die paying respect to what I have always been: the last heir of the Einzbern family.

"As you desire"  
Without thinking twice...that cheap imitation... no Sieg shot his fire projectiles.

A pentagon of orange light... that was really the last thing I was going to see... well it could have been worst.

With a last breath I pronounced what I suppose were going to be my last words.

"But I'd have truly liked if it haven't had ended so quickly, sorry Sella, Leysritt, Berserker, that's how far my fate let me go"

In my last I decided to close my eyes... I didn't want to see the end coming: it might sound silly at this point but I was scared and I really hoped that if I just tried to close my eyes I'd discover this was all a dream.

"yeah a dream"  
I muttered peacefully and slowly closing my eyes. Unfortunately my fate had yet to decide when my story was going to finish.

*tun

In front of me a figure covered in a black coat abruptly landed, In each of his hands there were three black keys grabbed like they were claws.

"...D-d- dad?"  
I whispered and trembled recognizing the coat that man was wearing.

Suddenly time seemed to have slowed down: I heard clear and distinct an emotionless voice say "Eliminate. control unit." than the dark man dashed towards the tiny phoenixes and pierced through the one that flew on the highest spot.

The second after that fire familiar had been cut down the other four drifted away randomly crashing on the artificial lake... I... I was still alive.

"Hey brat, unconscious Flat-chest, unconscious whatever-your-name-was, fancy meeting you here"  
Quietly said the coated man turning his eyes towards me.

Those dead orbs... He, he.

"you're the boy kneeling on the street"  
I said without thinking.

"yeah but please"  
He said drawing from out of his coat a crumpled cigarette.

"Call me Hikigaya"

And saying so he lit the tobacco with his still red hot black keys before dashing to fight the other homunculus.

* * *

 _ **(a little earlier)**_

 **THE LONER III**

"So we are going t-"

 _*Bleeehhh_

"We are going to "

* _Buhhaaaaaa_

"we"

*Bleeeeaahhhhhh

"Have you done?"  
Asked Emiya standing on the entrance of the bathroom while I was getting to know the toilette better.

Geez! The dude had no respect, couldn't he see my situation.

"Yeah, I'm done"  
I said cleaning on my bare arm the slimy remains of my dinner I had on my face.

"Finally, Hikigaya, Tohasaka and I are going ou-"

Suddenly my guts twisted again and the urge to puke invaded my body.  
* _buhaaaaaa_

"Com'on you said you had done"

"Ugh shut up it's your fault if I'm in this situation"  
I groaned struggling to get up from the floor. Abusing psycho active substances to speed up my brain and then consume pure alcohol to slow it down... Hadn't been the greatest of my ideas but, well it was still better than having my brain collapse after the excessive amount of information it had to process.

* * *

 _the magical adventure of brain-kun_

p is 3,1415926535 8979323846 2643383279 5028841971 6939937510 5820974944 5923078164 0628620899 8628034825 3421170679 8214808651 3282306647 0938446095 5058223172 5359408128 4811174502 8410270193 8521105559 6446229489 5493038196 4428810975 6659334461 2847564823 3786783165 2712019091 4564856692 3460348610 4543266482 1339360726 0249141273 7245870066 0631558817 4881520920 9628292540 9171536436 7892590360 0113305305 4882046652 1384146951

* * *

Exactly.

To be fair I was already lucky my regenerative powers could handle multiple lethal doses of that drug:"Mind Blow".  
"Every action must be paid, but at least this idiot is still alive, and I'm whatever I've always been"  
I thought reaching my landlord.

God I could barely walk and what was going on with the floor? It kept changing inclination.

"Careful"  
Sudeenly grabbed me Emiya while my footing failed to sustain me.

"eh ehe the gravity is so bizarre here"  
I commented as Emiya started to put his hands in weird places.

The hypothesis were two: he decided I needed a human cane or the lack of death in my eyes had finally revealed my awesome features at the world.

* * *

 _the magical adventure of high-brain-kun_

The two.

* * *

I knew it!

"oi oi oi where are you putting those hands? I'm not into guys!"  
I immediately panicked under the unwanted physical contact.

Unfortunately I was still too drunk to project Emiya out of the window with a throw, so I just started to choke him with my arm.

"help, help he wants my purity"  
I shouted while the auburn guy's face started to turn of a bluish color.

Faint Emiya! FAINT!

"Hikig-ah-y-ah"

...Uh why wasn't he already unconscious? Just how weak was I?  
Slowly I began to realized how all my action lacked power and energy: I mean really at this point Emiya should have been drolling on the floor but instead.

* _thun_

He managed to sink is elbow on my kidneys.

"Ouch"  
I painful shoks ran on my spine.

Before I knew it I lost my grip on Emiya and after Iknew that a hook landed on my face.

"Dammit! I should dodge those things with my eyes closed"  
I thought slamming against the wall.

"Hikigaya calm the fuck down"  
Intimated me Emiya massaging his throat.

"Okay I might have gone a bit overboard here"  
I slowly pushed myself away from the wall.

"Okay I'm calm, I'm totally calm, just no more assaults to my purity"

"Assaults to your what? It's disgusting"

"Hey how mean, I'm cool you know"

"Oh please, you're barely passable"

"Asshole"

"Creep"

"Filthy Riajuu"

"Guys"  
Said a sudden voice disturbing our "friendly" conversation.

"What!"  
"What!"  
Roared Emiya and I turning around just to see... Saber?

Good lord what was she wearing? A yellow rain coat?

"oh Saber, sorry what do you need?"  
Asked Emiya completely by that atrocity his servant was wearing.

"Rin wanted to know how long she still had to wait before our departure"

"Departure wich departure"  
I asked feeling like that one child that wants to play together with the other kids, but doesn't know the rules of their game and is left alone...

(why did I always open old wounds?)

"I was trying to tell you, Rin and I are going to Fuyuki's church so I can learn more about this situation"  
Said Emiya hinting a smile and scratching his back...

In a second I felt at least four blood vessels break inside my head. I swear the only thing missing was a glowing sign with "trap" written on. How could Emiya trust someone so readily... Did he need me to point out Rin Tohsaka was a participants of a murder death kill tournament that implied her killing him on the right occasion?

"You're going AT THIS HOUR to new Fuyuki?"  
I rose an eyebrow while the anger slightly helped me to sober up.

"Yeah, better now than later"  
"You have to beat the iron when it's hot"  
Responded the Master servant duo confirming my worst fear.

They were a couple of IDIOTSSSSSS!

"I'm sorry but shouldn't be better visit the church during the day... you know there that rule, the one that says no fight when the sun is up in the sky... that rule that prevent any major trouble when the city is more lively so that you can't be ambushed by let's say an Archer while returning at home?"  
I started to do wide gesture to emphasize my logic.

"oh I see Shiro, Hachiman is worried about your safety since Rin might try to back-stab us, don't worry he is in my capable hands"  
Said Saber solemn beating her fist on her armor.

Oh dear God the situation was worst than expected.  
"She is...a muscle head!"  
I whispered in horror.

Now it has to be said I knew close to nothing about Saber, in my personal agenda she was blonde knight girl, with a magic sword and a pretty face. I expected her to be some kind of valkyrie: a goddess of battle or some other shit, but even though her aura totally outmatched both Lancer and Rider, I wasn't too sure she could handle both Archer and Emiya at the same time.

"Ehm let me get this straight. You think you can protect this guy, who already nearly died once today"

"actually twice"  
Emiya rudely cut me mid-sentence.

"THANKS EMIYA! Actually two times today from a long ranged opponent and a Master that could beat the living crap out From Emiya with just a spoon?"

"Yes"  
Responded the knight girl with a confidence so pure I found myself at loss.

She truly believed in her power and in her resolve...Now I seriously wanted to know who was this one.

"Hikigaya I know it sounds reckless, but I have to know"  
Said Emiya with eyes hardened by his resolve.

I couldn't stop him uh? Well thinking about it maybe it was more reckless let this Emiya-idiot in the dark of the events surrounding him any longer.  
I acknowledged he put thoughts in his decision and I decided to respect that.  
"Okay I understan-"

"Besides I trust Tohsaka"

And there goes my respect.

"Sorry? You trust that girl, when you know precisely that she can back-stab you any moment to ensure her personal gain? I mean sure she's still enough human for a Magus, but isn't trusting her like this a bit incautious?"

"Nope. I know I can trust her, she won't kill me, she doesn't have enough reasons"

"Earth to Emiya, Earth to Emiya, mystical cup that can grant any wish, doesn't ring any bells"

"Hikigaya stop! I make my decisions and you can't contest them"  
Snapped Emiya in one of his rare flash of anger.

"Fine"  
I shrugged and scoffed, there was no winning in this battle.

"Then good night, see you tomorrow"  
Sighed deeply my landlord before turning his heels and moving towards his servant.

Now he had really done it, he had just decided it was time to dig his own grave, and you know what it wasn't my problem yes sir, everybody do their choices and its their responsibility only dealing with the aftermath.  
I truly believed that, but for some odd, stupid, retarded reason my body acted on its own and I found myself grabbing Emiya's arm.

His golden eyes immediately pointed at me and he was ready to tug himself out of my grip, yet against any sense of survival.

"I'm coming with you"  
Pronounced six idiotic words.

* * *

A few seconds later my heartfelt declaration of common idiocity to Emiya I found myself stumbling back in the room where Lancer had nearly killed me.  
Just what was wrong with my brain?! For the nth time Why? WHY my masochistic instincts and my incredible propensity to avoid sleeping always had the best of me? WHAHAHAHAHAYYYYYY!. Really I was so stupid, stupid , stupid, stupid. Leaving alone my sweet futon at this hour uhg! Lancer must have killed my last good neurons.

But hey the neurons to listen to bullshit, the blue dick left them unharmed.

You don't believe me?

"What the hell is supposed to mean "I'm coming with you""

"That I'm coming with ya, Emiya, I thought the message was pretty straight: like people die when they are killed... Ah there are my socks"  
I responded wearing my footwear without noticing I had put it on the wrong side.  
"uh? I remembered the pattern differently"

"Ehm Hikigaya to turn over the socks...No not in that sense, just give them to me"  
Said Emiya snatching the socks from my hand.

I'd like to say I didn't need his help, but I would have probably spent all the night on those things. So having Emiya act like my mom definitely saved me from hours of pointless work.

"There you go, now you can wear them...NO Wait! you can't wear them and you can't come with us. You're still drunk end of the discussion"  
Proclaimed the auburn boy treating me like I was Fujimura.

But if speeches like that were enough to stop me I would have never survived Yukinoshita... or Ayanokouji. Who does he think he is telling me not to create speculative bubbles.  
" Re-start of the discussion ,I'm coming because 1 I'm still better than you even in this state, 2 if another servant come knocking at your door when I'm alone who will I offer as sacrifical lamb? 3 if Tohsaka asks other questions I can't have you to screw up my secret"  
I pointed my index at Emiya strafing him with facts and logic.

With all the offense possible for my Riajuu acquaitance: **He** was bad at lying. And **I** had already enough shit to deal with without **Tohsaka** actively trying to kill me.

But of course karma hated me so...

"Which secret?"  
Asked Saber making her way in my room...and she was still wearing the yellow thing, God I felt bad just looking at her.

Suddenly I found myself facing a difficult choice: was more dangerous letting know an heroic spirit I could be a threat, or lying about being a threat and risking this decision backfiring?

Given that Emiya already knew my secret the safest choice was saying the truth with a bit of editing, besides inhibited like I was I'd probably have several problems lying effectively.

"The secret..."  
I began steeling myself

*thun  
AH! a step in the allway, fourth presence approaching!

"is that I think Tohsaka's thighs are fat"  
I spitted realizing that the tiny ring I felt in my since I tried to save my purity from Emiya, hadn't been triggered only by Saber.

Actually I just percepted Saber's massive energy, all the background noises must have been Tohsaka.

"Well I usually don't like insulting people behind their back, bbbbuuuuuuuuuutttttt I'm going to enjoy this."  
I thought planning my tiny revenge on the twin tailed magus.

"Plus she wear those high socks, what does she think? That those things outline her legs? Please at best the socks make her legs look like sausages hanging in the "last day before expiration" offer compartment of a komibini store. Then her hair, I mean twin tails is she 8 or what? And don't make me start with her red coat [...]"

Like an unstoppable river mean words kept coming out of my mouth and all the stress I had built up today was just fueling my creativity, at one point I even forgot to keep controlling if Tohsaka was still hidden.

But apparently she hadn't moved an inch...no wait: sighs, suppressed inspirations ah! She was crying.

God now I felt bad... but seriously that girl's sneaking skills could use some work when she tailed Saber I could have confused her with a rhino. Still what's was more confusing here was that I was the only one who noticed Tohsaka in the first place; leaving Emiya aside, shouldn't Saber have been able to detect Tohsaka? Or that rain coat was so ugly it blocked sounds... Nope that thing could barely block rain, probably she just trusted that magus more than me.

"Okay Hikigaya stop with the insults, we all know you're still drunk, actually **too** drunk to leave the house"  
Emiya sighed deeply massaging his nose bridge after five good minutes of my uncontrolled ranting.

"That's true back in my day people could get hanged for speaking like that of a lady"  
Gasped Saber probably surprised by all the synonyms for "ugly" I came out with.

Then something unexpected happened Shiro Emiya nodded at me...he had understood what I was doing.

"Listen Hikigaya, I know you don't trust me"  
Began the red haired boy placing his hand on my shoulder.

Corrective interruption.  
"I trust your inability to be trustful"

Now he could go on.

"But if you really want to come with us you have to answer one question..."  
His hand started to sink in my shoulder...ouch, ouch OuCH OUCH OUCH Damn, what did he want to do carve his nails inside my flesh?  
"What. Is. Wrong. With. You?"

"Ara?"  
I said caught a bit off guard by this reaction more active-than-passive-aggression.

"Which man doesn't appreciate full-bodied thighs and cute twin tails?"

"...wait wha-"

"Answer me! which man?"  
Grunted my land-lord pushing his face dangerously close to mine.

"O _ne that's making up stuff to crush a Tohsaka's pride, do you think I'm retarded? I know she's hot"  
_ I whispered moving my eye balls in an indicative direction.

"B _ut sausages? Man that's too much I heard her crying"  
_ Responded him before giving an ok signal to Saber who was ready to jump between us.

" _Her fault for having_ _an earthquake under each foot_ _"_

 _"Still, have some tact"_

 _"Oh I'm sorry does my face look like I give a shit about her feelings? If you want do the valiant knight and defend your crush"_

 _"Wah you know?"_

 _"I'm insulted you think I did not ugh...for now focus on playing along with_ me...HOW DARE YOU FILTHY RIAJUU TO DEFY MY TASTES IN GIRLS, JUST BECAUSE YOUR POPULAR IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN CRITICIZE MY OPINIONS!"  
And so I started to shout to send Tohsaka a clear message " We're talking about bullshit don't waste time here"

"BUT IT WAS FINE FOR YOU CALL ME UNCULTURED SWINE WHEN I SAID "SO JOJO IS A YAOI?""

"OH NOW YOU GOT MY BAD SIDE EMIYA PAY HEED TO MY WORDS... Tohsaka's gone we can end this"  
I dropped the act and pushed Emiya away from me. Thankfully his trashy Harem protagonist skill activated and he fell directly in Saber's arms.

Lucky bastard.

"Oh finally my throat was sore from all the shouting. Saber the so called secret is that it was Hikigaya who kept busy Lancer until you were summoned"  
Said Emiya letting out a world class new with the same emphasis he use to read the back of the cereal box.

Widened eyes, breath dying in her throat and almost dropping Emiya on the floor, were the most glaring reaction of the servant who needed a few seconds to elaborate the information.

"How's that possible?"  
Asked her impaling my face with her emerald stare.

I could feel some weird energy in her voice and before I knew it I was forced answer her honestly.  
"With pain magecraft and a bunch of reinforcement amulets... "

Now that was terribly scary. I knew spirits possessed some sort of psychological presence able to influence other people but this... this energy was unmatched. Saber was a potential threat I couldn't underestimate.

"mh now that's some pretty trick Saber. What is it Charisma? Yup definitely Charisma were you a queen, general? "  
I said trying to force on the defensive the sword lady, but I quickly realized it was useless.

This Master Servant duo was the only one I could trust not to backstab me. Emiya was a good guy, and Saber didn't seem the type of person who would go with underhand maneuvers.

I'd never opened with somebody so easily but... for some odd reason I believed it was for the best.

 _"_ _In for a penny, in for a pound._ _Saber,_ Emiya my power allow me to convert injuries in power and mess with my opponents' mind, Lancer was powerful but his identity was easy to figure out and from it any potential mental weakness"  
I explained giving an extremely shrieked version of my fight with Cu Chullain.

That whole battle had been a terrible challenge in which I tried to survive, let Emiya escape and extract painful memories from Lancer's mind: I had to grasp his personality, understand completely his fighting style and which buttons press to bait him where I wanted and then cast a powerful spell to break his mind.

"When I managed to block him however I had already lost too much power. I had been defeated, but then Emiya summoned you Saber and I sneaked out while you two weren't looking"  
I concluded my micro story leaving some holes here and there.

"By the way what gave me out Emiya"  
I immediately asked to avoid extra questions.

For a moment Emiya remained silent and with his amber orbs he just looked at me before saying.  
"Nothing I was bluffing. I suspected you did something since you weren't dead, so I just tossed the bracelet and hoped for a reaction... "

* * *

 _the magical adventures of brain-kun_

"LMAO HE TRICKED YOU AHAH AHAH AHAHA AHAHA"

"by extension he tricked you too brain, do you know that"

"oh... now I wish to die"

"we both do"

* * *

Mind gamed by Emiya...BY EMIYA FOR GOODNESS SAKE!

"Oh, ah ah nice move"  
I commented screaming inside.

"I know right?"  
Smiled bashful that filthy Riajuu.

"Now shall we address the Saber issue?"  
I asked pointing at the knight servant.

Being suddenly called in cause the girl assumed a confused face.

"What do you mean Hikigaya?"  
Asked Emiya eyeing his servant.

How could this guy be so blind!

"She looks like yellow punch in the eyes"  
I spelled as slowly as I could to make my landlord understand my statement.

Oddly enough Saber hearing my words became vaguely conscious of her appearance and well, she just started to grab her coat, grimace and swing her foot.

"But she seemed pretty to me"  
Retorted Emiya rising an eyebrow.

Duh...

"Thanks for the news genius. Look at her face she's always pretty"  
I ranted pointing out the most obvious think in this room.

As if he was forced to, the auburn haired teenager moved his face towards Saber.  
* _sssttttaaaarrrreeeee  
_ "Fair"

I bet he just pictured her in different outfits.

"Don't you have any change of clothing?, something Fujimura sensei left here?"  
I asked offering a peaceful replacement to that abomination.

"I don't know, if there is something is in this room, where there's Kiritsugu's wardrobe, let's see if we can find something for her"  
Said the guy scratching his chin as Saber sigh in relief... maybe she was more conscious of her appearance than I expected.

"Good, now please Saber change clothes that rain coat is physically hurting me."

* * *

"Okay let's see what we got here"  
Said Emiya throwing all his torso inside the old wardrobe of my room.

The same wardrobe I never opened because I was too scared of summoning a demon of some sort, or finding some mummified devil hand that would grant my wishes but steal my soul (Monogatari reference)

"We have a lion pajama, Kendo uniform, old school uniform, and that mimetic jacked Fuji-nee never wore because it was too tight around her chest"  
Muttered my land lord tossing around various clothes.

"That's quite the variety"  
Commented Saber captivated by the lion pajama.

"Indeed"  
I agreed trying to picture Saber in Fujimura-sensei's old school uniform.

"Tiny frame, big eyes, ahoge...sword girl is excellent imotou material"  
I mumbled holding in one hand the school uniform and sending quick stares at Saber.

She definitely could reach the third place in Imotou list: right under the first place Komachi, and the second place occupied by Ashua Chigusa and Shiro She-doesn't-have-a-surname.

As sad as it sounds Saber gave me more little sister vibes than Megumi Tadokoro and Winry Rockbell. Not because they weren't cute enough or other things, but Megumi let out more motherly waves and if I ever dared to pat on Winry's head she'd make sure I would need one of those prosthetic arm she builds.

Besides those girls were my favourite drinking buddies, they held up alcohol good enough to have a long evening, but not so good to put up an all nighter like Ayanokouji Kyotaka and Levi Akerman... with those guys I have had the greatest hangover of my life.

I couldn't still believe I nearly got banned from Jamaica.

But I'm digressing. Saber of course smaterialized her armor and chose the mimetic jacket, yet immediately after that Emiya threw to me an old black coat that smelled vaguely of tobacco.

"Uh Emiya, I belive this is a male model"  
I commented studying a few bullet holes that had been sewed on the coat.

"That's for you Hikigaya, your jacket is a bloody mess and unless you want to attract attention on you or get pneumonia I suggest to wear this"  
Said the auburn boy coming our from the wardrobe a bit dirty.

"uh well thanks..."  
I mumbled uncertain...people usually weren't very nice to e so these acts of courtesy made me feel kind of uneasy.

"Don't mind it"  
Emiya brushed off my concerns.

"Now put on a shirt or something and get out we're already late"  
He told me leaving my room as I realized I had been shirtless since dinner.

By the time of a sneeze also Saber was out of the way and I... just felt terribly stupid.

"Figures..that's why I was cold."  
I thought smacking my forehead with the palm.

Unfortunately my sudden movement made fall from the old coat an crumpled package of old cigarettes. Well that explained where the tobacco smell came from.

"I guess Emiya's old man was a pretty heavy smoker"  
I said noticing that the cardboard of the opening was pretty still in a good condition even after years of enclosure in a wardrobe, but inside the package there were only a cigarette and a tiny picture.

He smoked at least six in as ingle sit every time.

"I wonder why there aren't any photos of this guy hanging around"  
I thought reaching for the picture rolled inside the package.

With a quick movement I revealed a very tiny family portrait, there were three people: A baby, a gorgeous homunculus woman and...the magus killer.

Who was wearing this very same coat.

"oh... Didn't see this one coming"

* * *

All suited up and equipped with two hidden guns I reached the entrance were Tohsaka, her Archer, Saber and Emiya were waiting for me, I'd be lying if I said I was ready to leave, after all I nearly fell after every step, but what did I want to do back off now?  
Ah I might actuall-NO no no I couldn't, I had to go along with these guys or I risked to miss some serious plot developement progresses.

"Okay I'm here sorry for the waiting"  
I said in monotone trying to hide how messed up I still was.

"Took you long enough jerk"  
Greeted me Tohsaka with high pitched voice.

"yeah yeah, not sorry, I still have to understand why you couldn't wait until tomorrow"  
I simply brushed off that Magus words with nonchalance obtaining a pretty neat murder glare.

I had truly pissed of this girl uh, but I didn't think I should have worried about that fact, in fact Tohsaka's servant, Archer had immediately restrained her arms before she couls attempt to get physical.

"...Archer right? Hikigaya Hachiman pleased to make your acquaintance"  
I said extending my hand towards the tanned servant.

"Uh? Yeah same here"  
Responded the muscular guy took by surprise by this corporate slave approach of mine.

We shaked our hands, yet something tickled me off... I had already met this guy...or at least one of his brothers in arms.

"Tanned skin, silver hair, deadly aura of someone who sees death like his own reflection, he got all the features of a Counter Guardian"  
I thought as my group left Emiya's house.

The night was chilly and the roads were all desert, the only noises I could hear were some cars far away, a stray cat or two jumping around dumpsters and Tohsaka's foot stomping on the ground like she hated it.  
*Thun Thun Thun

"Jesus she's too damn noisy"  
I thought suppressing all my urges to shot in her legs.

First because I thought it would have been excessively violent from my part, and secondly because Archer would have killed me.

For roughly twenty minutes the five of us kept walking quietly. I spent most of the time silent over hearing some conversation among Saber and Emiya, the two of them were bonding I guess. My landlord had started to speak making some innocent remarks about Fuyuki, places were to eat, parks, bus lines basically the same things you would say to a relative that is going to come living with you for a while, Saber on the other hand had been quite passive at first, just nodding or responding to Emiya's elaborate indications with monosyllables, but then she gradually began to ask questions on her own pointing at anything that piqued her interest (restaurants mostly).  
I wasn't sure how old the sword girl's mind was, but to me she looked like a kid that had tried to grow up to fast; She acted and moved like a hard leader steeled through discipline and battles, yet in her eyes there was still a spark of wonder a childish light that painted everything around her of brighter colors.

"I wonder were I have seen this scene before"  
I muttered with a thin smile.

Emiya and Saber reminded me of a young Hikigaya Hachiman and a little younger Kyotaka Ayanokouji walking around Chiba before their first so called mission. Knowing we were risking to lose so much very soon made us decide to try everything the city had to offer, we watched a Pockemon movie, had Takoyaki, Ramen and many other things. Then Kasumi appeared out of nowhere with his rifle started to shoot at us and we barely made it alive, buuuuuuutttttt that's another story.

Uninhibited as I was, I let that sweet nostalgia get the best of me and spout some corny no-sense.  
"Tomorrow I'd really like to try that cafe you work at Emiya"

"Right Copenhagen re-open tomorrow, I don't have a shift, but I guess some going out to eat a Sigmund-special cake isn't a bad idea"  
Agreed the red haired boy mentioning a weird named cake.

"Okay...if it's special the taste can be bad right?"

"Shirou what's this cake you're speaking about?"  
Asked Saber with genuine curiosity that broke through her cool front.

"A five layer cake with 6 different chocolates in it, it's amazing the old Nijito himself came out with recipe"  
Responded Emiya.

For me time suddenly stopped... Nijito... No there had to be a mistake, it wasn't him, he was dead, he died a long time ago.

"It's just a name"  
I told myself while the taste of blood suddenly invaded my mouth.

Ah Perfect just perfect! The rebound effect of my pain magic was coming a minute and random wounds will start opening and closing, maybe all the alcohol I had in my body would make more bearable what was coming.

"Tohsaka by the way want to come with us tomorrow, my treat?"  
Said my landlord in a pretty smooth way.

If it wasn't for his hand shaking behind my back I'd have truly believed he asked his crush out without a hint of shame.

"E-e-emiya-kun!"  
Blushed madly the girl realizing that the guy who definitely appreciated her thighs asked her out.

(By the way Emiya kept checking them every...3,4,5 yes five seconds.)

I didn't understand why she would make that big of a blushing deal, he offered a snack, he wasn't confessing or something.

Luckily Tohsaka had a functioning brain and my same reasonament went through her head.  
"I thank you for your offer, but keep your focus on the current matters, you can talk about cakes... _or anything that assaults my_ _glycemia,_ later."

"..o, okay"  
Muttered Emiya.

"Oh no the Riajuu got shot down... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA"  
I grimaced putting a hand in front of my face to hide my grin.

Oddly enough I found myself near walking beside Archer who was in my same pose. How dared he, I was allowed to laugh at Emiya thanks to my loner status he was awesome tall and muscular, he didn't have any right to have fun from others failure.

"what's so funny Archer"  
I asked with my best Yakuza voice.

"Nothing, awkward kids always make me smile"  
Responded him casual.

Dammit he answered honestly... how I couldn't sass him.

"And you what are laughing about"  
He asked trying to initiate the first true conversation we ever had.

"Watching Emiya is like staring at the nice little brother I never had, it makes me realize how many times I would have kicked him for being so naive"

"Oh is that so?"

"Yeah if I actually cared enough about Emiya, I'd truly try to harden him. He is kind, but the world isn't and as far as I can see one day he will mess up his life very badly trying to help someone"  
I puffed stretching a bit.

For some reason Archer didn't say anything else after my words, he just stared at me then at Emiya and once again at me.

"Hardening, no even just working on something that's already broken in pieces is useless, you know"

"Only if want to have those pieces in their original shape. Something it's called broken when it can fulfill its role anymore. If they are used for another purpose who can tell what those pieces can become, Archer"  
I said while random wounds had finally started to open. Fucking Dual Origin rebound effect.

My mind immediately became fuzzy while my legs too weak to hold my weight.

"Where am I?  
In a road.  
Yeah a road.  
God my leg hurts so much.  
Fucking Lancer.  
What am I doing?  
Focusing on putting a feet after another.  
Right.  
Avoid to faint.  
What I want to sleep, if I faint I faint.  
Wait until I got to the church.  
I'm tired.  
Keep moving.  
Towards what?  
The church.  
Ah Sure maybe there I'd get some treatment for my wounds.  
Or a coffee.  
I'd really kill for a coffee right now.  
Or perform unspeakable deeds for a can of MAX.

"Uh Tohsaka it's not like you have a can of coffee lying around do you?"  
I asked as my body started itching and my vision to blur.

"No why would I have a thing like that with me, but more importantly why would I give it to you?"  
Asked the tsundere just a moment before Emiya turned towards me.

"Oh God not again with his abstinence"  
Dashed the boy spreading his arms.

"Because I'm a little tireee-"  
And then the nothingness embraced me.

When I woke up, I was being carried by someone.

* * *

(Moving towards the church)

Not walking: what a wonderful thing, I mean really why I move my feet along with those peasants, Emiya and Tohasaka, while I could use as means of locomotion the back of Archer, or at least this guy here should be Archer... I didn't know between the effect of the drug I used, the rebound of my magic and the alcohol my senses were tuned to negative one.  
Really I only saw a oscillating stain colored of brown and red in front of me... wait a minute this wasn't Archer...with this posture ah he was Emiya... when did I jumped on Emiya's back? No more important when did he get tanned? No even more important why there was also a not tanned Emiya? No even more ultra importantly I was bored.

"hey have we arrived?"  
I asked leaning out of the shoulders of my biped mule.

"No Hikigaya"  
Responded Emiya, the lighter one, without even looking at me...how rude.

"Now?"

"No"

"Now?"

"No"

"Now?"

"Yes"

"Really?"

"No"

Debated Emiya and I.

Until Tohsaka butted in like the pain in the ass she was.  
"Oh shut up you two, Hikigaya you are prohibited to talk until you sober up"

"NO fuck you"  
I immediately retorted giving my middle finger to that damn tsundere who dragged me out of home at this hour.

After my response the girl remained silent, probably she didn't expect me answering back... or more likely the fact that Saber blocked her after she tried to jump on me with her fists reinforced with magic...both valid options.

I was still bored though and so I decided to delight myself with the noble art of singing.

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"

* * *

"What is he doing Shiro?"

"Don't know"

"No seriously Emiya-kun why he is SSSSSSing"

"Truly I have no idea"

* * *

"Somebody once told me the world... the world Chocolate Emiya is your turn"  
I began to sing trying to involve al the crew.

My mule immediately stiffed

"What did you call me?"

"Chocolate Emiya"

"Why?" "

"Because I mistook you for Archer before looking at your posture and realizing you were tanned Emiya"

"...You don't make sense **I am** Archer"

"That's what a chocolate Emiya would say"

"Don't call me that"

"then sing"

"no"

"Buu chocolate Emiya lose points, go vanilla Emiya"  
I said disappointed by my cocoa means of transport.

"am I supposed to be vanilla Emiya"  
Asked vanilla Emiya

"Yup now sing"

"no"

"please"

"no"

"I'll tell matou your Pc's password and since you can't delete your chronology I bet it's going to be funny."  
I decided it was time to use threats.

"..."

"..."

"you're bluffing"  
said Vanilla Emiya with sweat drops on his forehead.

"prettyGoldenEyes98"  
I rebuked like a champ ready to put his hand on a trophy.

"I hate you so much"  
Complained vanilla before submitting to my authority

"ahaha"  
Grinned my first prey.

"Don't laugh chocolate Emiya if you don't sing I could threw up on your back"

"You wouldn't dare"

"Bitch you have no idea what I would or wouldn't dare to do"

"... You're creepy"

"Natural talent"  
I grinned as Chocolate and vanilla were now part of the crew.

"the course is: me, Chocolate, Vanilla, Tohsaka, Saber"  
I proclaimed pointing at every member of my team.

But of course someone, ehe, ehm Tohsaka, had to annoy me.

"No why do I have to be dragged in this, besides Archer-"

"Chocolate Emiya"

"uh chocolate Emiya is here from a few days and for some reason knows the song but Saber just got summoned here"  
She complained blushing for some odd reason.

"First Tohasaka you kept staring at the ice cream duo's asses all the way here and crept the hell out of me so I demand your voice as repayment"

"You noticed!?"

"Actually I was bluffing, BUT WAIT really?!"

"No! I'll sing I'll sing now shut up, but please spare Saber at least one of us "  
She complained...uh again didn't she have a mute button?

"Tohaska there's no way Saber doesn't know the song"  
I dead panned.

"Uh?"

"True the Grail granted me unlimited knowledge in regard of what you call memes, the song Hachiman want us to sing had been forced in my memory...and I'd feel excluded if I wasn't the only one who's not joining this merry song"

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"

* * *

"And there he goes, I have to make disappear all the alcohol from my house"

"I can't belive this is actually happening"

"Why am I being forced to do this by a drunk classmate?"

"I haven't sung in ages"

* * *

"Some body once told me"

"the world is gonna ruin me"

"I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed"

"She was looking kind of dumb"

"with her finger and thumb"

"in the shape of an L on her forehead, all together or my threats will become real"

" **Well the years start coming and they don't stop coming**  
 **Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running**  
 **Didn't make sense not to live for fun**  
 **Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb**  
 **So much to do, so much to see**  
 **So what's wrong with taking the back streets?**  
 **You'll never know if you don't go**  
 **You'll never shine if you don't glow**

 **Hey now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play**  
 **Hey now, you're a rock star** "

"Pause pause pause Chocolate Emiya I feel sick let me go down down down"

"Are you kidding? After the disaster you have done an hour ago it's physically impossible you have other stuff in your stomac-"

 _*bleeeehhhhhh_

 _"MY COAT!"_

* * *

"For the one hundred and ninety seventh time, I'm sorry chocolate Emiya I didn't mean to dirt your cool coat"  
I apologized from Arch- Chocolate Emiya's shoulders.

"For the one hundred and ninety eighth time, I'm sorry Chocolate Emi-"

"Stop, just stop calling me **that** I accept your apologize Hikigaya now for everybody's mental health shut up!"  
Snapped...Not-Chocolate-Emiya.

Uh he was mad at me...how sad.

"For the one hundred and ninety ninth time, I'm sorry Not-Chocolate Emi-"

"WHY ARE YOU STILL GOING ON?!"  
Screamed him.

"because your didn't really accept my apology!"  
I retorted only because I was drunk, wounded and partially drugged it didn't mean I couldn't recognize a lie.

"If I kicked Vanilla Emiya would you accept it properly?"  
I then whispered realizing that I could do only one thing to make peace with my means of transportation.

"...probably"  
He whistled back.

"Good in this case move closer to the harem group"  
I commanded reading my good leg.

With quick steps Chocolate Emi- oh wait he's Archer, Archer closed distance with Emiya, Saber and Tohsaka who were all minding their own business.

(translation Emiya was checking the signs for the church, Tohsaka was ACTUALLY looking at his butt and Saber was strangely captivated by a Burger king advertising poster)

"sudden spasm"  
I said casually before digging my foot in Emiya's back.

"Hikigaya what the hell"  
Groaned the teen massaging the spot I hit.

"sorry my leg sometimes moves on its O.W.N."  
I responded kicking the damn Riajuu other three times.

"S-S-Stop what is wrong with you"  
Muttered him pathetically trying to block my kicks.

"This guy how did he managed to survive this long?"  
I asked myself in pure wonder.

But then the universe responded.

"Hachiman I believe your behavior can be quieted down a little"  
"Hikigaya-kun as fun as beating Emiya-kun can be stop"  
"yes ma'ams"

Yup the answer was Rin Tohsaka, the magus that could become a pretty great pain in my back, and Saber, the gutsy knight-girl that would put in shame every man in a balls competition. Seriously these tiny girls had the same intimidatory aura of a grizzly with chain-saws for hands.

* * *

 _the magical adventures of brain-kun_

"wouldn't that be quite the sight"

"I know righ-"

"MANA SIGNATURE DETECTED SOMEONE IS SPYING ON US"

* * *

"What!"  
My eyes widened as an unannouched energy touched my nerves.

My whole body stiffed, I rapidly turned my head around trying to spot someone, but it was useless my senses were still too weak. Fortunately the sudden danger ignited in me a sober spark that allowed me to think about the whole situation in an effective way.

"Archer, Saber did you feel anything?"  
I asked to the most powerful beings around.

"Finally remembering my identity uh?"  
Giggled the mule servant.

"yeah yeah gloat all you want, but seriously am I the only one who perceived something around us?"  
I asked again to confirm my worries.

"I don't know what are you talking about I have had this whole area under my attention this whole time and didn't perceive anything unusual"  
"Same goes for me"  
Responded Saber and Archer.

"Hikigaya I told you it was a bad idea coming with us, you already fainted once and threw up twice"  
Pointed out Emiya using a condescending tone.

I must suppress the urge to kick...or maybe not  
*kick  
"Ouch!"

much better.

"You probably reacted to the bounded field of the church, look it's right there"  
Said Tohsaka pointing at the holy building.

Thank God we had finally arrived! Now I was closer to reach my utopic sleep. Still I knew someone was spying on me and the sole fact I was the only one to have actually reacted was pretty scary. For a moment I just closed my eyes and ignored every meaningless sensation: the chatter of Emiya and Saber, Tohsaka's footsteps, the slow pace of Archer and all the smells of the sleeping city.

Nothingness around me there was nothing, only empty whiteness and black pain. Obsidian sparks of power slowly replaced the every living thing around me; I lost the capacity of seeing streets, buildings and plants, but in exchange I obtained the power of feel all the negativity around me.

To be clear like ,pretty much all my skills, this one sucks as an ability, it's only useful to track down ghosts, wounded comrades, if I have to obtain a basic gasp of the animals and people inside a given area, I have to remain immobile all the time I'm searching around.

The criteria of the power were pretty simple: bigger the blackness equal a wider pain, purer the blackness equal a deeper pain and more shaped the blackness equal greater awareness and understanding of the pain.

For example if I studied myself with this skill I'd see a pitch black tree tall like a skyscraper.

But the guys around me didn't joke either: Archer, Saber, Emiya and Tohsaka apparently quite an emotional baggage with them. Inside all of them there was a shard of pure and cold negativity.

Judging from the size and from the intensity Tohsaka was the least messed up of the group, her pain looked like an pure obsidian hand surrounded by a grayish sun. The girl had definitely gone through pretty heavy stuff, but there was only a defined part of her pain completely pure and that she fully understand. The only problem was that I didn't understand what the hand meant at the moment: someone didn't grab her hand in a moment of need or she didn't stretched out her hand when it was the moment?... but it could also be something more literal like a physical hand lost because of her.

(Ed Elric had in fact his pain shaped like an arm and a leg.)

Then there was Archer who was the person with more pain inside among those four; all his negativity looked a sword made of pure darkness and well that was it. I mean he was a fighter, sword embody battles ergo Archer suffered from all his battles, not that much of a scoop.

When I moved on to Saber however the situation was different: the servant's pain was "inaccurate", it didn't have a fixed shape, it kept changing, first it looked like a rock, then a crown and at the end a cup. What however caught my curiosity the most wasn't Saber's vague understanding of her own pain, but a golden net that kept trapped all the darkness.  
I had never seen something like that before, it looked like pure energy from the faeries a power that his the pain under the light of a...dream yes, an ever distant goal that banished away insecurities and darkness.

"well that can narrow down my suspects about Saber's identity"  
I thought.  
"But the real question here is why that golden thingy is bounded to Emiya"

In fact the golden net that surrounded Saber had a glowin thread that connected her soul and Emiya's one, but that wasn't the only weird thing. First Emiya's pain was still shapeless even though its intensity was pure enough to make all that negativity seem a mass of metal, for me it was odd that a person with a pain so intense inside his soul never tried to understand it... But hey I wasn't Emiya so not my problem. What was my problem however was the second light inside my land lord's pain...yeah he wasn't just bound by a golden light with Saber, he had also a second orange thread that connected him with...an ever burning blaze at the centre of Fuyuki.

"I really need to get rid of that thing"

I had known for a while now: in this city there was the remnant of the pain of a thousand people burning in a great fire, the problem was that the so called great fire of Fuyuki hadn't been natural or artificial, no that thing was the result of a dark power capable of trapping an incredible amount of souls for 10 years.

Once I was again in full possession of my strength I'd to go to absorb that hell blaze. Still I had yet to check for that presence I felt a moment ago.

"Com'on reveal yourself to me"  
I thought pushing my scouting power to its limit.

Unfortunately before I could find my target a hand patted on my back.

* * *

"Uh!"  
I muttered snapping out of my trance.

"Hey there sleepy jerk, get down from my servant we have arrived"  
Said Tohsaka shaking my head with all her might.

Now please someone tell where is considered a good idea shaking someone that could throw up in a second WHERE!

"ehhhhh ehhhh ehhhh Emiya tactical support, tactical support"  
I begged as the continuous movements were having the best of me.

"Okay Tohsaka stop before the situation gets ugly again"  
Arrived in rescue Emiya stopping the twin tailed magus.

Oh God another second and Archer would have needed to materialize a new coat again.  
" We are finally at the church, good, this walk had been endless"

"Hikigaya you spent half of the time asleep"  
Pointed out Emiya when I jumped off from Archer.

"That means you are a terrible company, but do not worry I forgive you... only because you are not bad as a singer"

"You know, I wonder if you are just annoying or you just enjoy pissing off people"

"... should I even bother to say it's the second or the tiny hamster inside your brain can make move some gears?"

"Emiya-kun, Hikigaya-kun can you stop for a moment this... thing you have going on between the two of you and just get inside the damn church so we can all go sleeping?!"  
Asked , no commanded Tohsaka leaving me and Emiya stuck with a surprised Pikachu face.

This girl had made fairly compelling remarks.

"Okay, but you two get inside first, I don't want any third party with me when I'm going to talk with the administrator of this war"  
I said pushing the two teens towards the church's entry.

I couldn't dare to have Tohsaka learning more than she already knew about me. Luckily my landlord understood that and yawning a bit he said  
"Fine but, avoid to get stab again while I'm not checking you"

"Yeah and you try not to do something stupid for once"  
I grinned fully aware the idiot was going to make a mess.

For a moment I just remained silent as Rin gave the last indication to the two servants telling them to wait outside. It was odd how my peaceful month of holiday had become a battle royal of heroic spirits in just a day.

"Wow my luck is really rotten"  
I muttered recalling how positive I felt at the beginning of this exchange project.

Yup optimism was going to kill me one day.

* * *

 _the magical adventures of brain-kun_

"Unless the same person who's spying on us before and now do something first.

* * *

"Thanks brain you always know what to do to break down my cool"  
I thought while the strange presence came to visit me again.

Both Archer and Saber didn't have any reaction so it was like I imagined, somebody wanted to talk with me.

"Hey Saber, Archer, I'm not feeling to good so I'll go in one of the alleys we surpassed before and... you know bleeeeh, in this way I should avoid any... issues inside the church"  
I said moving away from the two servants and starting to walk towards the first alley I saw.

"let's see who I'm dealing with"

* * *

"So have you done stalking me?"  
I asked once I reached the depths of the alley

The presence I have felt since a few minutes ago was near, closer than ever, where was he... how did I understand it was a he? I didn't know but I felt in my bones it was a male and someone that I was familiar with but who? Kyo? Levi? Ed? No his aura was similar with mine, incredibly similar with mine. And I only knew a person that could resemble me so much... it had to be him.

"Hachi Hachi Hachiman always with your guard on aren't you?"  
Said a young boy with long hair and dead eyes coming out from the shadows.

Yes it was him... Fuck.

"Yo Nijito... it's been a while, I thought you had died ten years ago"  
I hummed while the blood in my veins froze...

How could he be here? It was impossible.

"How outrageous. Me dying before you, if it was a joke it didn't make me laugh"  
Smiled the boy letting me see his eyes: one pitch black the other milk white.

First servants and now him, christ Fuyuki was a horrible place.

"You didn't aged one day"  
I commented scratching my chin pretending to be as calm as possible.

"and you reached puberty so what?"  
Retorted Nijito with a deadpan.

"Nothing it's just that you can't be real... so what are you? An illusion in my mind, an astral projection, or just a ghost?"  
I asked bored.

"Who knows? You know directly touching the rooth made my existence quite the mess: at the moment I could be real, fake, a projection from the past, from the future or even a servant"  
He shrugged disappearing in the alley and then popping out behind me.

"You know being a servant doesn't suit you very much... you know it's not like you have any heroic quality"  
I rose an eyebrow while Nijito started to pout his cheeks.  
"how mean I could be a wonderful Assassin"

"You're fitter to be a Berseker actually"

"Am I? Well I guess I have always been the mad one in your eyes uh? But hey hear me out, what if I was the only sane person in this world and all the other people are actually the mad ones, and what if I have to take revenge upon this world that trashed me"

"Yeah sure Avenger-san we both know you are too petty to just blame the world for your shortcomings, you always needed more tangible targets... so stop with these games and tell me why are you here?"  
I said emotionless breaking through the playful mask of the kid.

"why? Stupid question Hachi I'm here, of course, to do the thing I do the best: selling information"  
Nijito sharpen his eyes moving in front of me before taking out a dossier of brown leather from nowhere.

"What you got?"  
I whispered

"A nearly complete list of masters, servants, with my personal opinion of them, and records of the previous wars"  
Said him dead serious.

Now that was something I could have liked

"... I want a sample"  
I glared Nijito from top to bottom.

"Caster"  
He threw a polaroid photo of woman dressed in a violet mantle.

"Real identity Medea of Colchis, currently located in the Ryuudou temple, the place itself is protected by a natural bounded field and now she added her dominion, for the past month she had been gathering mana and summoned a proxy servant to guard the temple. As far as I know her master has yet to appear on the battle field"  
Told me Nijito conveying quite the number of sensible information.

"Sounds troublesome"  
I sighed studying the servant's photograph...she was hot.

"She is troubles indeed also meticulous, ruthless and ready to do anything to reach the grail"

I had my worries confirmed.

"Weaknesses? "

"Only the one you can already imagine: close-fight proficiency par to zero and"

"Love sick"  
I exhaled as the myth of Jason and the Argonauts began to roll in my brain.

"Bingo if you crush who she wants to love, you break her"

"you make it sound easy"  
I grimaced

"I make it sound efficient"  
He copied me.

"I see what about the masters"  
I asked throwing back Caster's photo.

"Sieg a high grade homunculus, master of the Assassin servant, he is... interesting"  
I received another one this time portraying a young man with red eyes.

"define interesting "

"Ohoh no that would spoil the fun... let's just say you wouldn't stand a chance if you both went all out "

"Scary... weaknesses ?"

"Physical only after he fights at 100%, Psychological a few, luckily he is open to dialogue, if I were you I'd start a partnership with him, he is by far the strongest Master"

"Even more than the Tohsaka girl behind the corner?"

"Even more than her and let's not talk about the red hair, you should leave him on his own"

"Ditch Emiya? Nope I can't, the moment I leave he is good as dead"

"Not if he resigns the war."

"Believe me he won't, he kind of has a quirk to put himself in dangerous situations"  
I laughed bitterly.

"It reminds me of the two of us"  
Chuckled Nijito.

"Please don't remind me. What do you know about the Assassin servant?"  
I asked to circumscribe the threat represented by this Sieg.

"More than you can imagine, but I won't tell you a thing until I'm sure we have a deal "  
Rebuked Nijito

"It depends what's your price... I doubt you just want money"

"No I don't, I desire something more valuable your help"

"My help..."

"Yup I need you for a project of mine"  
Said the timeless child holding up his right hand.  
"What do you say Hachiman, do we join hands in this war?"

"Nope"  
I slapped back his hand  
"Too soon to become a pawn on your chessboard"

"Mph I imagined you'd say that"  
Nijito turned on his heels  
"But know that the offer is always open"

"yeah, no thank you"  
I began to walk away from the alley

"Hachiman... how's Amakura, no Kamakura _god your naming sense is really poor_?"

"Fine that powerless Nekopata just spends his time dozing around the house, he lives the life I always wanted"

" I see... Good for him, well good luck Angra Mainyu"  
Send me off the boy before disappearing

"To you too Angra Mainyu"

* * *

 **TAN TAN TAN FINALLY I WROTE A RELEVANT PART TO SAY WHY THE HELL NIJITO WAS IN THIS STORY.  
** **I THANK ALL OF YOU FOR READING THIS CHAPTER THAT I ENDED BEFORE THAN I EXPECTED CUZ I WANTED THIS CONVERSATION BE THE FINAL NOTE.**

 **THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL STILL BE FROM 8MAN POV, IT WILL BE EXPLAIN HOW IN THE BLOODY HELL HE JUMPED TO PROTECT ILLYA ARMED WITH BLACK KEYS AND MOST IMPORTANTLY THE FIRST BATTLE BETWEEN PROTAGONISTS.**

 **I HOPE YOU ENJOYED DRUNK 8MAN LET ME KNOW YOU OPINIONS AND TO THE NEXT TIME !**

* * *

Omake

"Hachiman you're telling me that with this computer device Shiro gave me I can search whatever I want in an unlimited library"

"You got that right Saber, here there is the search bar, then here the favourite pages so you can reach the internet pages you use the most more quickly and now you're free to look for whatever you want. I'll be back in a hour and then I'll need the coputer for school, but in the meantime have fun"

"Thanks".

1 hour later.

"Now I open the chronology and... Top ten food stands in Fuyuki, Best Ramen restaurants, bla bla bla useless oh Bingo! Where the Fuck did Merlin go, the knights of the Round table, England after King Arthur, Excalibur... I can't believe figuring Saber out has been so easy... and this is uh? EXTRA hardcore bondage... never thought Emiya would be in that stuff"


	12. Loner IV

Trust: simply the worst currency in the world.  
In my whole life I have never found something so difficult to give, so hard to obtain and so easy to lose.

Have trust in someone, in something can be the most relieving thing possible, it gives people security, it undresses the future of its unknown... it just gives you a thing less to worry about, it lets you know your back is covered.

I... I have never trusted many people. I hate the idea of letting someone close enough to stab me in the back, I'm scared of bare myself to another person... I'm utterly terrified of just watching who I trust disappear from my life.

The only people I allowed myself to trust were: Komachi and the Oroboro members. Why? Because they're my family. Because I can ashamefully say I love all of them from the bottom of my heart. Because I feel the need to trust back all the support they give me or most likely... because I just understand them completely.

That's right I trusted, I trust only who I can understand.

But that's not enough, after all the world is a big place and I simply can't understand everybody... so, instead of trusting people I began to trust what's inside them: desires, loyalty, fear, pain, rage. I trusted what I could comprehend what I could anticipate.  
At first

I didn't trust Yukino Yukinoshita, I trusted her brutal honesty.  
I didn't trust Yui Yuigahama, I trusted her desire to bring happiness.  
I didn't trust Iroha Isshiki, I trusted her selfishness.  
I didn't trust Saki Kawa...saki, I trusted her love for her family.  
I didn't trust Yoshiteru Zaimokuza, I trusted his passion for writing barely read able crap.  
I didn't trust Shizuka Hiratsuka, I trusted her will to guide me in a precise direction.

... the fact I used the past tense for these sentences, it's probably closer to a miracle than you might imagine. For some reason those people carved in me the need to trust them, the pathetic idea of stability that will not lead them to hurt me.

And as much as I hate to admit it right now in Fuyuki I'm missing someone to trust. Right now I feel lost I have none to rely on and none that relies on me.

I'm caged by this lack of ties and for the first time in a long time I truly am alone and with none to trust.

I don't trust Sakura Matou, I trust her obsession for Emiya.  
I don't trust Rin Tohaska, I trust her skills.  
I don't trust Shiro Emiya, I trust...that he trusts me, his naivety, his selfish selflessness, all the parts of him that are like mines.

The need to show something to ourselves and the lack of survival instincts that makes us run in front of any danger because someone's crying.

I don't trust people because I can't understand them.  
I trust my family and friends because I understand them.  
I don't trust myself, I don't trust Emiya Shiro because I understand too much.

* * *

"...First servant, then Nijito, now what a group of idols that wants to save their school? I'm too damn sick of Fuyuki"  
I said coming out from the dirty alley where I just had a pretty complicate conversation.

The situation was messed up. With this exchange project I fell right in the middle of a magical battle and to date I had already collected enough data to say.

FUCK

First there had been Rider, a.k.a. Medusa, I repeat freaking MEDUSA who's master is none other that SAKURA DAMN MATOU the same SAKURA DAMN MATOU that cooks breakfast at Emiya's place.  
Then I met a bunch of Einzber homunculi who will have some sort of beast servant for sure.  
After that I had a fight the blue dick Cu Chullain otherwise known as Lancer.  
Subsequently I had dinner with the sword girl Saber and her master Emiya... fucking Emiya the only magus in this city that shouldn't be able to even summon a servant guess what got the strongest class.  
Let's not forget Chocolat... Archer and her master Rin Tohsaka, the funny girl that needs just one more step to attempt to murder me.  
And icing on the cake, my old friend...ehm nope that's not right? other version of me... _too ominous and chuuni_... WELL Nijito the person I fear the most and believed dead is in Fuyuki and GOD BLESS ALL OF US he is scheming something.

"Jesus I'm the least person that has any business with this war, but I bet I'm the one that has met already more servants, four in a day single day. And now I know this Sieg is the strongest master and caster the most organized servant"  
I muttered tripping on my own feet.

"RGHHH"  
I grabbed the closest street lamp before falling. Dammit dammit dammit my muscles had all tored and saw back together in a second.

My tendons were on fire and my legs...well one hurted the other...the one Lancer hit, just hanged there.

"At this point he might as well have cut it off"  
I said punching my left leg just to feel... nothing at all.

Apparently my providential luck had striked again and I couldn't even try to heal myself, after the last trick I pulled off to track down Nijito I was done, all my fuel was gone. The single fact I was conscious... and drunk enough to ignore the rebound effect of my power could be count as...uh luck.

"so am I or am I not lucky?"  
I thought regaining a bit of confidence in my footing.

The only problem now was...I could perceive a thing... so is someone was still tailing me.  
I was Fucked.

"hey is anybody here? NO AM SERIOUS COME OUT FROM THE FUCKING ALLEY"  
I shouted like the paranoid I was.

* * *

 **the magical adventures of** **brain-kun**

"ah it's like when girls pass near you then they start laughing and you're worry they laugh of you"

* * *

Brain why do you hurt me?

ANYWAY my clever bluff proved itself useless since there was actually none in the alley.

"This is actually more uncomfortable than being tailed"  
I thought agreeing with myself to shout "come out from the alley" every three minutes.

"Time to me the priest, one, two Chiba and if I don't faint now I won't faint ever again"  
I whispered beginning to limp in the direction I came from.

I'd like to say every step was agony, but it was worse, it was like seeing Emiya being dense with Matou over and over again. Such a terrible feeling that corroded from the inside.

I was ready to give up, sit near the road and write a sign "don't wake me up until lunch", yet something unexpected happened a light in the night, a beacon of hope caught my attention.

"No way"

It was, it was an old, trashy vending machine that sent casual flashes, but not an ordinary old, trashy vending machine that sent casual flashes, it was an old, trashy vending machine that sent casual flashes with a can of MAX INSIDE and a bag of chips.

"OH YEEEESSSSSSSSSSS"

* * *

*crunch

"Yo Saber, Archer what did I miss?"  
I asked walking in front of the church after my snack pause.

Max was truly a divine nectar a sip and my leg returned to work... THANKS placebo effect!

"Uh you finally came back Hikigaya"  
Responded Archer with a grin after studying my limping walk.

Damn that guy had some shocking white teeth. Really he could star in a toothpaste commercial... wait what was the feeling burning in my guts jealousy? Yep definitely jealousy, Archer was for sure a damn Riajuu in life and now that I was mildly less drunk I could see clearly he was awesome.

"...he is pissing me off"  
I thought as the basic spite of a loner towards a popular guy invaded my mouth.

"Yes I'm back, apparently you got functioning eyes, nice Archer."  
I smiled condescending eating another chip.

 _*crunch_

 _"_ Uh did I say something wrong?"  
Tilted his head the chocolate servant.

"Yes... no... UH! Listen I'm tired, just tell me if I missed something and let's get this over"  
I groaned gulping down a long sip of max to calm down my mind.

Making an enemy out of a servant was one of the few stupid things I'll never do, Like taking salsa lessons.

"ooookay. Nothing worth of notice happened, at worst two squirrels quarreling."  
Shrugged Archer finally giving me a decent answer... stupid unproficient Riajuus.

"I see"  
* _crunch  
_ Another chip ended up in my mouth.

"Hachiman... is it wise to introduce more food in your body after you just freed your stomach?"  
Asked Saber squaring my chips bag with ravenous eyes.

Out of instinct I sheltered my food under my back and searched for the closest escape route.

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun**

"Okay, right, left, take a taxi, jump down after a mile and take a search for a boat, then sail towards Equador"

"What if she can follow our scent"

"...we're fucked, try with a diplomatic approach"

"But brain I like my chips"

"I know but or this or we are screwed"

* * *

"S-saber want a chip"

"Oh don't mind if I help myself"  
Said the sword-girl stealing from me many precious potatoes.

This bitch, I saved her from an horrible rain coat and she repayed me in this way. SHAME SABER SHAME.

"Hachiman why there is blood on this fried treats?"

"Oh that? aha you see I just had 100 yen with me and both my coffee and the chips costed more"

* * *

 _flashback_

"MAAAAAAAAAXXXXXXXX!"

*punch

* * *

"So you punched an hole in the vending machine?"

"Precisely Archer"

"you're weird"  
Rose an eyebrow the tanned servant.

"And you give diabetes, what's your point chocolate Emiya?"  
I retorted emptying my can of coffee.

Suddenly a vein appeared on Archer's forehead.  
"Don't"

"Call me that, yeah yeah you don't like this nickname, then don't spit opinions on me and we're fine okay? Okay.  
Now Saber...you have crumbs on your face."

"Really?"

"Yes, also are the two idiots still inside?"  
I tossed in the closest trash bin my can.

"Shiro and Rin?"

"How many idiots do you know?"

"Depend, should I include you?"

"ah! Deserved one"

"Rin and Shirou are still both inside, but they I guess they will come out in the next few minutes"  
Said the sword girl hinting a smile.

Urg she couldn't do like this, first a playful roast and then a heart-melting smile? I was going to fall for her if she kept going like this.

Give the situation I decided tactical retreat was indeed the best option.

"I see, well I guess I'm going to get in, maybe I'm still in time to listen Emiya burn all Tohsaka's hopes"  
I chuckled brushing my hair, Now I just needed to get away AND

"Hikigaya"

Dammit!

"What are you saying?"  
Growled Archer rising an eyebrow.

"Don't play dumb with me, you're well aware Tohsaka pushed Emiya out of his house, at this hour! To exploy the fact he is still "supposedly" traumatized. She wants him to drop out from the war"  
I stated exposing the not-so-subtle master plan.

" Hachiman, Shiro isn't just supposedly traumatized, he has all the reasons to abandon this battle"  
Whispered Saber fixing her emerald eyes in mine.

There was great power in her eyes, but also some bitterness. She truly believed Emiya should have just dropped out of the war, but she knew that meant she'd become the servant of the first magus who set its eyes on her.

"He risked his life. He thought you had died.. He"

"is not going to resign"  
I cut down her worthless argumentation.

"I know you met Emiya...an hour ago? Maybe more... anyway once the genius realize that the grail can be used for some so called "evil" stuff I bet he'll stick to this war like a chewing gum under a shoe...Listen Emiya doesn't value his life much: if he thinks he can spend it to save even a single person... he won't think about it twice. So remember when I tell you he is not traumatized, he is not bothered by risking his own life, at best he would be worry of unconsciously dragging me in this mess, but Hey! I already have a target on my back after surviving Lancer so doesn't change too much for me."  
I shrugged figuratively throwing at Saber the manual of the small suicidal Emiya.

Her pupils immediately got wider and her breathing stopped for a second.

Had I been too honest?  
Didn't she expect her Master to be a self sacrifing idiot?  
(A/N right back at you buddy)

I couldn't answer those questions in my current state, but seeing Saber's emerald pits darken was a slash through my heart, it was almost as I had kicked a puppy.

Oh dammit time to cheer her up.

"Hey Saber look at the bright side, you still have a Master AND not one that plans to use you as a tool! Isn't that positive! Of course is positive am I right Archer?"  
I said forcing myself to act optimistic... God if it felt gross.

"The boy won't provide you any mana and you will die, or be forced to eat human souls"  
Responded the tanned servant ...Christ what a dick! Couldn't he at least try to avoid crushing my cheering attempt with his realism...

"On a second thought I like this guy. He is still a dick, but one that I can respect."  
I thought as acting out of my character had left me longing for some brutal realism.

People hoped their lives would turn out like fairytales and that just acting positively will improve their situations? Fools! Higher your expectations greater the disappointment!

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun**

"But if you act only negatively, you'll be a pain in the ass for the rest of the world and if something good happens you'll only think about the bad stuff that will come later"

* * *

"BRAIN WHAT DID WE SAY ABOUT ANALYZING OUR LIFE CHOICES? WE SAID BURY EVERYTHING UNDER HOURS OF ANIME AND DON'T THINK TOO HARD ABOUT THEM!"

* _Sbaaam_

Luckily the frontal door of the church was suddenly slammed open before I got depressed, and then an high pitched voice tore apart the air.

"Now you have done it! From tomorrow we are enemies! WHY? JUST WHY you remained in this war! You're barely considerable a magus!"

Nuuuuu I had missed Tohsaka's "I Fucked up" face.

"Tohsaka calm down, I didn't mean to anger you"  
Arrived also Emiya's voice sounding at least seven times less worried than he should have been.

"You didn't mean to?!"  
Shouted the twintailed Magus as the veins on her forehead were pulsing dangerously.

"Yes"  
Stated my landlord keeping (God-knows-how) a straight face.

After that Tohsaka's face started to-to kind of glitch, her expression passed from: angered, to extremely angered, to I'm going to shoot your arms and legs, to I'm calm.

"Okay it's fine"  
She then said leaving all the people around the church, servants included, confused and startled.

And so we all went.

"R-Really?"  
"What?"  
"Nani?"  
"Hachiman can you give me another chip... thank you _*crunch_ "

But of course.

"NOOOOO! IT'S NOT FINE. Now I'm going to leave AND YOU are going to stay out of my way. Otherwise the situation will become unpleasant."

"Why? It isn't already messed up enough?"  
I interrupted the two teenager unleashing my best deadpan.

Upon hearing my grumpy voice both Emiya and Tohasaka snapped their neck towards me...Didn't they see me approaching them?

"How long have you been standing there?"  
"How long have you been standing there?"

Yup didn't see me at all... am I really this invisible? COOL.

"an hour"  
I responded eating my last chip, wait just how many Saber ate?!.

"An hour!?"  
"Are you serious"  
Responded the two teenager alarmed.

"I've mastered the art of standing so incredibly still I've become invisible to eye, watch"  
I said raising very very very very slowly... my middle finger.

"Are you messing with me"  
Asked Emiya rising an eyebrow.

"Duh, by the way Tohsaka you ain't going anywhere"  
I stated piercing her skull with my stare.

For a second she paralysed under my cold glare, but then she bit her lower lip and walked straight against me.  
"I can and I will Hikigaya"

Shoving her shoulder she tried to push me away; fortunately the alcoholic percentage in my blood had already lowered enough so I side stepped to avoid her body and grabbed her left wrist.  
As my fingers wrapped around her pale skin she immediately tried to free herself, but no I wasn't going to let her go.

"Tohsaka, you have the Archer servant and I wouldn't trust you in a million years, so since I don't like ambushes you remain here until I say so."  
I said putting more strength in my hand until I saw a tiny pained grimace on her face.

" And. May. I. Ask. Why?"  
She suddenly tried to hit me with her free hand.

Attack- basic Kempo palm strike.  
Direction- throat  
Power-medimum  
Threat- Medium/high (given physical condition)

Foe: Rin Tohsaka

Counter- Deflect Foe's right palm with left forearm. Pull Foe's already grabbed left wrist. Foe move closer to self. Negate potential kneeing on genitalia. Steal first valuable thing in Foe's pockets with left hand. Push away with low strength.  
Time: 2.50 seconds.

Result- bargain material obtained.

Like breath of life, my battle instincts shocked my whole body and a deadly glance started to shine in my eyes.

0.5

My lull mind finally was returning to work; with a single serpentine movement I pushed away Tohsaka's palm.

1.0

Her facial features twisted in surprise, but then she immediately calmed down as I started to pull her closer.  
Uh she had gone through some serious training react so quickly.

1.5

As expected she rapidly understood her situation and improvised a sex change operation for me, I barely managed to dodge the knee directed towards the Hachimans.

2.0

Rapidly I exployed the opening Tohsaka left with her kneeing, robbing her of the two objects she kept in her right pocket and at the end pushing her away.

2.5

Plan complete! Now I had her keys and... shell cell phone?

"Who use this stuff anymore"  
I thought vaguely confused.

Was Tohsaka poor or something? Regardless now I had some material to force her to do what I wanted.

(A/N PERV!)

"Do you want to know why Tohsaka? Because I got your keys, and I could sent weird photos to all your contacts...wait do you have seriously only six contacts?"

"Wha-you, I'll...ugh just go in the damn church before I decide to make Archer blow up this whole place"  
Sighed Tohsaka suppressing the urge to destroy me to the atomic level.

"Gland we arrived to an agreement have a phone"  
I tossed her the cell phone.

"and the Keys!"  
She complained barely catching her communication device.

"After I have renewed my faith in God"  
I commented finally entering in Fuyuki's church.

* * *

Pushing open the thick wood I recalled the last time I entered in a holy building, I believe it was five or six months ago long story short a certain idiot ehmehemhemeghm Hiccup trying to buy some ancient dragon bones got himself caught by a group of Executioners, and that group of Executioners had been followed by a group of Dead Apostles.  
A church burned down, bullets were shot, blood and A LOT of sweat shed. After that I passed an entire night under a anti-radiation shower.

Why an anti-radiation shower? Good question. Vampires are so strong and etc because two powerful interdimensional metals strengthen all their atoms, the problem: one metal can create an incredible photoelectric effect even if it is hit by little light that has got a wavelength equal to green or shorter making photoelectrons run like crazy inside a vampire body messing with all the molecular bonds. Before he or she knows it: the proteins fall apart, all the water in their bodies starts boiling while the second mystical metal react to the free electrons generating tons of X rays.

Ergo vampire hunters die young because they all have cancer by their thirties.

The point is when I go inside churches or the situation gets bad or really bad, and given how wonderfully unlucky I had been in the past 24 hours I wasn't exactly optimistic.

Still I didn't have many option; the music was already playing and now I could only dance.

"In the name of the father, son and holy spirit"  
I whispered making the cross sign.

Now supposedly there was a priest in the church, I could only see a ominous looking building lighted only by a few fake candles. The air was even cooler than outside and everything was immersed in a faint ghostly glow.

"...this place is creepy"  
I muttered advancing in the central nave hoping to find this fantomatic priest.

My steps resounded hollow and NOBODY was showing up.

"EHM excuse me, I'm a lost lamb that is going to end up slaughtered in a mystical fight between heroic spirits, can the person in charge come here and do his damn job?"  
I asked after losing all my patience.

Not to be melodramatic, but odd as it sounds I like living.  
For another good minute the only companion I got at my side was silence, then a shadow made its way out of the sacristy and for some reason I felt the temperature drop even more.

"This priest has quite the presence, 193 centimetres tall, moves without effort but his arms only go through three trajectories, he has weapons on himself, most likely black keys...dammit I can't understand how many, I'm too weak right now. I'd give him about fifty years maybe a bit less. Definitely an ex executioner"  
I thought squaring the man in front of me.

"Welcome in the house of God young man, I didn't expect another visitor at this hour"  
He said with a deep voice devoid of emotions.

"ah? Tohsaka and Emiya didn't mention I was out there waiting for my "private" consultation"  
I asked rising an eyebrow.

"I believe they might have forgotten.."

"Tohsaka stormed out the moment Emiya didn't resign"

" She indeed did"

"Figure.. regardless I'm Hikitani Hachiman and due to unpleasant circumstances I got caught up in the Holy grail war."  
I said laying out clear and simple the reason why I was in a church instead of my sweet bed.

"Two in one evening, that must be an event worth of notice even for a mystical competition such as this one"

"Spare me your sass...uh"

"Kotomine Kirei"

"Spare me your sass Kotomine Kirei"

"As you wish mr Hikitani"

Okay first of all I have a revelation to do, after talking with this priest for exactly 34 seconds I could already say I didn't like him. Everything about him was suspicious: his voice, his posture, the fact another person was currently hidden in the sacristy, and most of all the disgusting feeling of death that surrounded him.

For some reason Kotomine Kirei didn't stuck me as a person, he reminded me more of a walking corpse.

"Now then shounen can you please describe me the events that lead you to the door of the Lord."  
Said the priest stepping towards me, as he moved closer a terrible feeling of nausea attacked my insides.

Pain, his whole existence bathed in pain, like a crocodile in the mud, but he... he enjoyed it.

My lips immediately dried, and I had to fight with all my strength to suppress the instinct to draw my gun and shoot until he stopped being a threat.

"Calm down, calm down Hachiman, no emotions, no hesitation, no mistakes"  
I told myself before I let the whole situation go south.

"Well there is nothing much to say, the Lancer servant attacked Shiro Emiya's house where I'm currently living; a few things happened and I became a human kebab"  
I said briskly showing a spear wound I recreated with my pain magic.

Having healed the original one I had to use y pain magic and simulate a new one so that Emiya wouldn't suspect I was the black skeleton. Unfortunately Emiya still managed to figure out my identity and worst of all the curses of the Gae bolg that were still hanging around in my body regrouped in proximity of the wound I self-inflicted.

In common langauge: "I screwed up"; the fake injury had become as threatening as the real deal.  
I could deal on my own with the side effects of my magic and the drugs I used, but with this wound... I would need at least a month to return back on my feet properly.

"Well that's quite the injury you got, but I must praise the medical aid measures you have taken, the stitches are almost perfect"  
Commended Kotomine finally face to face with me.

"You can tell they're self done?"  
I asked surprised by his eye for not-magical medicine.

"The inclination suggested to me, yet it's surprising, usually the pain, or the painkillers compromise the precision of the treatment. Do you endure well pain or the pain-killers"  
He asked hinting an unhealthy smile under his stone mask.

"Who knows... Now can you please do your damn job and heal me!?"  
I finally snapped, this priest really couldn't get a damn hint!

"Your temper do not please me"  
Retorted gesturing me to take a seat.

"And it doesn't please me nearly dying, so deal with it"  
I said seating down on one of the many benches.

Kotomine then asked me to undress my upper body so he could start the treatment, I hesitated a second because normally I would have had my reserves before showing to a complete stranger my scars, but I couldn't avoid it so I just went along with his request.

"Rhh your hands are cold"  
I grunted as he started to chant with low voice the healing spell.

"Be silent. I need to concentrate, your body is way more damaged than I expected"

"Tends to happen when you encounter a servant who's not friendly"  
I whispered as painfully hot and cold jolts of mana left Kotomine's hands to enter in my body.

UGH! He was the worst healer ever! I barely managed to keep a straight face while my muscles were sewed back together and various curses decomposed inside my veins.

"Have you ever heard of delicacy"  
I asked after a pained groan betrayed my face.

"I do prefer efficiency"  
Not even the time for a sassy retort and the painful shocks increased of intensity.

This asshole was enjoying every moment, wasn't he?

"...not on my watch"  
I thought recollecting myself .

"So since you prefer efficiency, explain how does the protection method of the church work. I'm mildly interest in this matter"  
I started to talk sealing all the pain away from my facial nerves.

"Only mildly?"  
Asked Kotomine increasing once again the number of jolts.

"Yeah I prefer being in charge of my own security, but I'm always up to discover benefits I can obtain"

"The system is simple: for all the length of the war at night you get transferred inside the church which is a territory that bans all servants"

"The ban is Magical or legal?"  
I questioned.

"The church expect all the participants to follow the rules"

"So the church is useless"

"Once you obtain the wrath of a servant, few things are useful to avoid a bitter end."

"So the church is definitely useless"

"... Basically"

Oh fantastic so if I ever decided to spend a night here I'd be protected by a piece of paper, wait as far as I know nobody signed anything... I'd be protected by nothing. This whole supervisor thing was complete bullshit!

" What's your job again?"  
I said while the cold reality was proving itself much more painful than any healing spell.

"Record Master servant and events of the Holy Grail war, protect those who have abandoned the war or that have been caught up in the cross fire and set bounties."  
Responded the priest stopping to release mana.  
I still felt like trash, but this was probably the best treatment Kotomine could do to heal me.

"So you're an overly glorified notary that sets bounties...what kind of bounties are we talking about?"

"If a servant goes out of control I shall inform all Masters that who ever defeat said servant will obtain an extra command seal"

Hearing those words a passage of a report about the Holy Grail War flashed in my mind.  
"... at the end of every Holy Grail War all the remaining command seals are collected by the supervisor, there should be around 30 seals still around and the current holder is...Kotomine Kirei. Holy shit this man has under these stupid priest robes mana worth of a tactical nuke"  
I thought while the possible level of threat that Kotomine Kirei represented grew exponentially.

"I see"

God. The more I discovered about him the more I feared him. Kotomine Kirei was a wild card in this war as much I was, if he decided he wanted a servant I highly doubted anyone could get in his way: with so many command seals he had A LOT of mana and if he was half as skilled as I though he was, and surprise attack was part of his vocabulary... He could have already took down a Master before the start of the effective Grail war.

"And who tell me it hasn't happened already"

In a second this doubt ignited all my paranoia.

* * *

"I have treated all your physical injuries at the best of my capabilities, but I couldn't do much for your magic circuits, I suggest various days of recovery"  
Said Kotomine as he went to switch off all the fake candles of the church.

"I don't know how much rest I'm going to get, I bet the next days will be pretty intense"  
I muttered observing the shadows of the church grow wider.

Out of pure instinct I moved my left hand on my perfectly concealed gun; the cool metal and the familiar weight immediately helped me to calm down, yet I could feel it in my bones something was terribly off.

"Even though, you must not over strain your magic circuits, otherwise your demise will be almost assured... You're a spider-web type aren't you?"  
He asked starting to walk around me like some kind of predator.

"Please, don't ask questions you already know the answer to"  
I retorted trying to focus on the third person inside the church.

He or She had made use of the growing shadow to come out unobserved from the sacristy, unfortunately the smell of an unisex perfume of some sort had betrayed him... or her.

"I know this fragrance it was with this week number of Motorbikes plus"  
I thought while the time I spent to read magazine unlawfully in a kombini store yesterday flashed through my brain.

"...the perfume is really cheap and intense, only someone gaudy and with little taste would use it"  
I whispered after Kirei had finally stopped to prey around me.

" Hikitani Hachiman, you're a sharp young man, and I appreciate your predisposition to avoid meaningless courtesy. As you said I realized the moment I started to heal you the nature of your magic circuits"Said the priest oddly elated.

"actually that's the only reason why you survived the curse of the Gae Bolg. Yet I can't help but think that only our good lord can know how much it must have hurt: all your mana screaming before being corrupted by that dark energy. It must have left youbbegging for the swift relieve of death." This guy enjoyed pain.

"It was actually less intense than you would expect, but... you know,I never mentioned the spear that injured me was the Gae Bolg."

Alarm sirens resounded in my head: **EMERGENCY EMERGENCY.  
** Without a second thought I draw my gun and shot one, two, three bullets aiming at his lungs and where I believed his hands would be after drawing his black keys.

 _*bang bang bang_

My metallic shooting star flew against Kotomine, this was supposed to be an end move, but before my eyes two of my bullets got sliced up in a _**TIIIINNG**_ exploding in a shower of sparks, while the last one merely tored his left sleeve.  
Shit!

"What the hell! He took out six black keys in less than half second. His reaction time is way too fast"  
I thought as the priest threw six holy blades in my direction.

This guy was more than a former executioner... he was too strong, meanwhile I could reach the 80% of my maximum strength at best and was out numbered.

"Dammit!"

Forcing myself to keep a decent composture, I let my battle hardened instincts do their job. Speed, Trajectory I processed in the blink of an eye those information: 4 black keys were aimed towards my joints while the last two at my throat, without hesitation I released four bullets shattering all the black keys directed against my arms and knees, then I dashed towards the remaining two. I didn't have the time to dodge those blades safely and I couldn't allow Kotomine to team up with the other person hidden in the church, so discarding all fears and doubts I charged straight and dived under the black keys a moment before they stuck me.

"oh"  
Exaled Kotomine as I rolled on the floor and immediately resumed my neck breaking rush against him.

Again the priest readied his holy weapons, yet before he could make any use of them I destroyed them with all the bullets I had left. Many magical shards pierced the priest cheeks forcing him to close his eyes for a second.

If this was the closest thing to an opening I could get then I had no choice but launching a sure kill attack. With all my might I propelled myself forward and performed a flying kick.

To be fair this move was suicidal at best: any executioner worth his salt could easily anticipate my trajectory through sound, dodge and then break my leg with an elbow, but actually it was what I counted on.

Hinting a smile the priest shifted his weight and dodged my incoming foot with ease.  
"Shounen. You're too impulsive"  
Reinforcing his elbow Kotomine striked my right leg with all his strength.

* **CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN**

But I knew it was going to happen and the moment the priest hit me, I had already twisted myself. The raw power that should have cracked my bones made me spin in mid-air and shot my left heel Kotomine's nape.

"URGH"  
"Shit"

Hurt by the respective blows we both fell on the floor. Kotomine lost from his grip the handle of a black key. I grabbed it. And then I only know I had put a blade under the priest throat, but guess what: He had done the same.

"I suppose this is a tie"  
Commented the priest studying the blade I created from the black key.

"you suppose uh? Like you supposed the Gae Bolg was the spear that stabbed me"  
I retorted looking straight in his bleeding face.

"A Master has already died by having her heart tored apart by the Lancer servant, as a supervisor of the Holy Grail war I tend to note down these kind of information and elaborate them."

"A Master is dead already? The last servant it's been summoned tonight how's that possible?"

"The Lancer servant must have found that his first Master wasn't worthy of him and provided to erase her life"

"Everything you say sounds like lies to me priest"

"I have spoken with enough atheists to have heard this line too many times shounen"

"A joke? Really? We are about to slit each other throats and you do a joke?"

"Irony does help to avoid making rash decisions, like shooting inside a holy building"

"Or try to stab me with black keys"

"..."

"I noticed your time reaction was too fast when I shot for the first time, you already had the intention to attack me before I even started."

"Your eyes are sharp shounen"

"More like used to psychos"

"ah that's indeed true I planned to attack you to test if you were worthy, but you truly surpassed my expectations. I see a wonderful technique and battle mindset have you received any formal training as a church operative?"

"self-taught... and worthy of what exactly"

"I'll tell you the moment you lower your blade"

"Like hell"  
I said forcing myself to remain in that stall position.

If I dared to move there was no way I knew what he cheap perfume user was going to do: I had to have the priest life under my blade to avoid anything funny happened. Even if it meant risking my life.

Besides I shot an entire magazine of bullets Tohsaka and Emiya must have heard and are now coming to rescue me.

...

Right now.

...

Now.

...

Any moment.

...

...

"So, the church has a sound erasing spell or just very very thick walls?"  
I asked staring in the oddly amused eyes of Kotomine Kirei.

"Both"

"Well, GG priest you win"  
I said lowering the black key.

"You've done the right choice shounen"  
He did the same.

"Now what am I worthy of exactly?"

"Of the chance to suffer longer and fight for your life in more battles"

"Pretty ominous, what are you going to do? Give me these pretty black keys ?"

"You can take them if you desire, but first I'd like to introduce you to a certain person"

"I don't like where this conversation is going"

"As I said before: once you obtain the wrath of a servant, few things are useful to avoid a bitter end... can you guess at least one?

"..another servant"

"Please grant us your presence Heroes king, Gilgamesh."

"Wait wha-"

"Kirei, I truly hope you know what your action are leading to"

"Of course my liege"

"...I see, then I don't mind playing along. Good evening mongrel"

" yo first Riajuu, terrible perfume"

* * *

*TUN (church's door closing)

" An eighth Master in this Holy Grail War... what made you take this decision Kirei?"

"I do not know precisely my liege, I'd say because he reminds me of the person I wanted to crush the most or... because the black heart that beats in my chest told me to "

"His existence is repulsing. His entire soul is nothing more than the filth of this world compressed in one point. He is a vulgar beast that transcends the forbidden"

"you just don't like his guts"

"Perhaps, I however adimt he can be a formidable ally or a formidable foe"

"He is definitely well trained"

"I'd say you could defeat him with your 29 command seals, but if both of you were to fight a stronger opponent... the mongrel would be the only one to survive"

"why do you say so?"

"...his soul, is more powerful than any mortal being"

"...I see"

"..."

"..."

"..Kirei is my perfume bad?"

"..."

* * *

"Okay I'm still alive"  
This was definitely my first thought after coming out from the church and have somehow survived the encounter with the progenitor of all shitty popular guys.

"This was supposed to be a vacation, this was supposed to be a vacation"  
I muttered spasmodically closing behind me the two wood doors of the holy building.

Dammit dammit and again dammit, now there was no going back.

"Hikigaya finally! It took you an eternity"  
Greeted me Emiya the moment he saw me.

"Sorry my body was more messed up than I imagined"  
I said reaching the unlikely crew of weirdos I was stuck with.

"...Man are you okay? You look dead pale"  
Asked my land lord putting an hand on my shoulder looking...worried.

Oh dear Emiya, is he pitying me?

Fuck he was! No no no I was in a desperate situation, but I still had my dignity.

"I don't want any filthy Riajuu compassion"  
I thought shoving away the red haired teenager's arm.

"Yeah yeah Emiya I'm fine. I'm just coming to terms with the fact the church is useless, that I'm stuck with you and that my life insurance sucks, mostly becuase I didn't renewed it!"  
I grunted shaking my head.

"Kirei roughed you up with his sweet words?"  
Asked Tohsaka hinting she felt twisted pleasure in looking at my suffering.

"You can say that!"  
I exclaimed.  
"That man has got the cheerfulness of a grave and the delicacy of a butcher, just look what he did to my hand while he "treated" me"  
I rose my arms up and showed everybody that my right hand had been enveloped in multiple layers of bandages.

"He said the Gae Bolg curse directed itself in my hand made and the flesh go in a pseudo necrosis, wanna look it's all blue, yellow and gray"  
I said starting to undo the bandages.

"No"  
"No!"  
"I'd like to avoid"  
"Gross"  
Immediately responded Tohsaka, Emiya, Saber and Archer stopping me from removing any sterile cloth.

"Ah pussies."  
I grinned admiring the distorted faces of this unlikely team.  
"Luckily once I started mentioning lawsuits and other crap I managed to extort six black keys from the priest"

"Can you actually use them?"  
Asked Archer puzzled.

"Can I? With this hand I'd say: probably"

"Is your hand going to return normal?"  
Inquired Saber peering me from head to toes.

"Agaib probably, I can still feel it and move it"  
I closed and twisted my hand as demonstration.  
"But for the next month I'd better keep it sealed."

"I see"  
Retorted the sword girl.

"Okay now that everything is settled Hikigaya give me back my bloody keys"  
Smiled Tohsaka revealing her prized "I'm going to kill you in your sleep face".

"Fuck no! Until I'm not in my sweet bed you can forget your keys. I'm not handing them over, how can I be sure you won't order Archer to make rain an hail of arrows and slaughter me?"

"Believe me the longer you hold my possession more I'm tempted to make you pay for all the time you made me waste tonight"

Okay that was scary. Like Yukinoshita level maybe I should change strategy.

"Dammit Tohsaka Liste-"

"Calm down you two, nothing good comes from quarrelin-"  
Cut me down my landlord: How rude

"Emiya shhhhh! The grown ups are talking. Listen Tohsaka if I know give these keys to you can I trust you won't stab my back?"  
I asked drawing from my pocket Tohsaka's house keys .

"No you can't trust me, but I'm too tired to start a battle at this hour and I want to go to sleep as much as you do"

"...okay close enough"  
I shrugged tossing her the keys.

At once four pair of eyes gave me a weird look: Archer, Saber, Emiya and Tohsaka herself stared at me in confusion.

"What?"

"You gave the to her just like that?"  
Asked Archer crossing his arms and rising an eyebrow.

"Uh yes? Can't argue with her logic"

"even if you have acted all edgy and wary the whole night?"  
Joined to discussion Emiya in the same pose has Archer...

...mph oddly similar.

"Emiya I don't pretend you understand my deep reasoning, but IT'S FOUR AM! NOBODY WANTS TO DO ANYTHING AT FOUR AM unless it's a snack..."

"He got a point"

"Saber you're not helping"

"Then it's decided we go home and we grab something at the closest 24/24 fast food"

"Hikigaya that junk is not entering in my kitchen"

"We'll see about that!"  
I said starting to run now that I had a reason different from "hey there is a secret eighth servant" To get the hell away from the church.

"Stop running you jerk and don't you dare to buy any of that trash! Saber help me restrain the creep!"

"On it"

"you know Archer if I think the Holy Grail War is supposed to be a noble fight between experienced Magi, I can might start to cry."

"Relax Rin, we'll face plenty of formidable foes in due time (probably in five minutes)"

"..."

"You want to go at the fast food too don't you?"

"No _*growl_ Maybe, * _groooooowwwlllllll,_ I wouldn't mind grabbing a bite, it's been a pretty stressful night"

"You just want an happy meal."

"STOP READING MY MIND!"

* * *

Walking away from the church a surreal calm had surrounded the whole area: no cars, no people and only a few lights in my path, actually there was so few artificial lights that as I passed close to Fuyuki's human made lake I nearly lost myself in that starry mirror. Finally I felt like my horrible day had finished, I could finally relax and eat something!

"So standing to my memory we have to surpass the artificial lake, go over three road junctions and we'll be in front of the 24/24 McDonald"  
I said after having escaped from Saber, convinced Saber to change faction and forced Emiya to obedience.

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun**

"He couldn't stand Saber puppy eyes don't be proud of yourself"

* * *

FORCED EMIYA TO OBEDIENCE.

"Have you seriously memorized the location of all the fast foods in Fuyuki"

Forced him to obedience, but not to silence, There was still room for improvements.

"Oi Hikigaya I've made a question"

"Yes I have Emiya! Stop judging my guilty pleasures"  
I retorted completely annoyed by my landlord.

Couldn't he see that Saber and I have reached an agreement and were actually going to create a bond, how dared he to get in my way of my ANTI-SWORD-GIRL-THAT-STABS-IN-THE-BACK plan. For short ASGTSITB plan... it easier to pronunce while drinking something.

"At least you can be useful for once"  
Said another unwanted voice at my back.

Okay my shitty day was still far from over!

3,2,1 deadpan on.  
"Tohsaka, I know I said I wanted to keep my eyes on you and etc, but why are you still here?"  
I asked shooting my deadest eyes on the twin tailed Magus. Didn't she wanted to go home very badly until a minute ago?

"I was hungry"

... suspiciously possible, but I needed a sharp comment to see if it was truly the reason. What could I do? Remark her weight. Nope definitely a deathly result. Some teasy comment about her not being able to stay away from me. No from Emiya! Two annoyed people at the price of one definitely my deal.

"I se-"  
 **BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM**

Suddenly a ball of fire lighted the area leaving behind a massive roar.

"Servants"  
Said Tohsaka and I at the unison.

In a second everyone's heart beat increased, the false sense of security we all kept tight on our chest shattered. We were in the middle of a war, calm , especially at night, was only a passing illusion.

"Shit"  
I gritted my teeth drawing my black keys.

Who ever was fighting right there had some serious fire power.

"Could it be Caster?"  
I thought unable to see far enough to answer my own question.

" Tohsaka what do we do?!"  
Asked Emiya alarmed.

"For now..."  
Hesitated the girl glancing back and forth to Emiya and the other side of the lake.

For now what woman? If you have to say something say it or someone more experienced will have to take the reins...Oh geez.

"For now let's analyze the situation. Archer give me a report: width of the lake. Number of people fighting. Tell me if any Masters, Sevants are visible, no attacks until I give the order.  
Saber Establish a perimeter don't let anyone or anything come closer than 50 metres.  
Tohsaka prepare gems and to read the stats of any eventual servant.  
Emiya don't do anything stupid, hold my dagger and guard Tohsaka."  
I said taking command.

Not to be rude, but Tohsaka was too inexperienced to decide whenever attack or retreat in a situation like this, both the servants had too much to lose to be objective and Emiya...was Emiya. With that being said I remained the best choice to coordinate this bunch and take decisions.

Still for some odd reason I only received blank stares after giving orders.

 **BBOOOOOMMMMM.  
** Another explosion.

"Hey are your ears just for beauty? You have orders MOVE! GO GO GO!"  
I screamed finally getting reactions.

Saber summoned her armor and started to guard the rest of us. Emiya grabbed the dagger I tossed him with a surprisingly not-terrible reverse grip and put himself in front of Tohsaka; the girl a bit sceptical did what I said extracting two gems from her sleeves. And finally Archer directed his enchanted eyes towards the battle.

"what do your elf eyes see Legolas"  
I thought summoning from the handles of my black keys six mystical blades.

"300 metres from here, 2 women and a girl down, man in his late twenty fighting against a servant with a single arm, definitely a Berserker."

"any distinctive features?"  
I asked while two terrible assumptions started to form in my mind.

"The three girls are all homunculi, and the man...has some sorts of demonic traits: horns, fangs, I can't tell if he is a servant or not"

Okay terrible assumption 1 confirmed. the Einzbern team I met his afternoon was on the other side of the lake.  
Let's hope assumption 2 was wrong.

"Why can't you tell if he is a servant?"  
I asked as the flames raging on the battle field nearly blinded me.

"Fights with a sword, uses fire familiar as decoy or quick attacks and he is highly proficent in close combat. We know he can't be a Saber, while no common Assassin, Caster or Rider can fight so well in a close fight."

Oh Goddammit assmuption 2 confirmed, it was that Sieg, wasn't it. After all Nijito said he was interesting, and by that guy standards I was sure an homunculous able to fight a servant was labelled as such.  
...And to be honest it was interesting indeed. which magical creature's organ or which artifact could empower an homuncolous to that extent? Ah NO TIME FOR FAN-BOYING!

"Who's winning?"  
Asked Emiya doing a childish yet fundamental question.

"I can't tell Berserker is injured, but he still retain the edge in both speed and power, meanwhile the other man never goes for the kill, he keeps too much time on defense waiting some sort of perfect opening and just do some minor damage on Berserker's leg"  
Responded the white haired servant.

"Something stinks"  
I grimaced.

"He might be waiting for reinforcements, stalling Berserker as long as he can while an ally comes"  
Said Tohsaka definitely on the edge.

That was bad would be bad. Yet If Berserker won then he and his Master were going to retreat, but if the mad servant lost... I couldn't tell what's going to happen.

"For now we assume the worst. The demon guy is a Master. He is going to win and there could be a incoming servant, No we suppose it's already lurking around."  
I stated before taking a deep breath.  
"Saber! feel anything?"

"No presence detected, but if it is an Assassin servant we're talking about I can't be sure."

"Okay than act like there is definitely an Assassin servant around"

"Hikigaya. Aren't you acting paranoid"

"No! A mystical psychotic kid told me the demon homunculus guy had the Assassin servant". Would had been my answer under normal conditions, but since it would have disclosed quite a few sensible info I went for a far more composed  
"Better paranoid than dead Emiya"

Okay having shutted up my harem protagonist landlord I could finally think.

"A way out of here. I need to decide which is the best course of actions to get the hell out of this fight zone. Think Hachiman Think! First Berserker is too damn injured. Second Sieg-guy shot two massive balls in rapid succession and Berserker survived. Third standing to Archer Berserker keeps getting small injuries on a leg. Fourth homunculus brat, Flat chest and Leys-whatever weren't moving so they were injured..."

"I got it! Berserker has some kind of damage based Noble phantasm. That Master knows it and just wants to cripple him, you have both seen those fireballs from before, at blank point range those things should be able to blow away even a servant's head "  
I said putting together the dots.

"Hikigaya, we servants are heroic spirits there is no tell how far our resistance can go. Your assumption is risky"  
Said Saber raising a good point.

"Yeah, but given the dangerous approach of Demon Master and the fact all the homuculus girls are moveless I think the winner is already decided."  
Whispered Emiya giving proof of... being smart?

* * *

 **the magical adventure of brain-kun**

"Someone switched with him... I make the call "It's the Assassin servant" and I then add let's shoot him!"

* * *

Without giving in the eye, I immediately got prepared do to a check-stab on my land lord as his, actually correct, words worried me.

And to be fair I wasn't the only one.

*stinnnn(sound of an hair ripped)  
"ouch! The heck Tohsaka!"

"Sorry, you sounded way too smart for someone who didn't drop out from the Grail war fifty minutes ago."

"Hey that's Rud-"  
"Shut up you two! Demon-master got disarmed and... **The Leg**."  
Archer cut down Emiya imposing his presence with deep voice before just interrupting himself at mid-sentence.

"What? The leg what Archer, speak dammit I told you to give me a report not half assetted sentences"  
I snapped, all this tension was killing me.

"Demon-Master has cut off Berserker's leg, now he's going towards the homunculi"

* * *

 _Inner Shiro  
Called it!_

* * *

"Oh crap...the situation is going south, everything is going very very south"  
I whispered trying to figure out how to manipulate the people around me into doing what I wanted.  
"Ugh! I go with reverse psychology, pride, shame and common interests"

3,2,1 Loner skill number 100 **vacuum cleaner seller's voice**

"Okay Saber, Tohsaka, Emiya and Archer pack it up you're leaving now."  
I said with an odd combination of anxiety and cheerful-ness.  
"And before anyone can complain just a tiny remainder. YOU, masters and servants, tonight are obtaining an indirect victory that cost only the life of a girl **that** you'll eventually end up fighting against. Am I right Archer?"  
I smiled making a wide gesture towards the servant of the bow.

"...that's correct"  
Retorted him in low voice avoiding to make eye contact with me.

...Oh dear moral conflict... chocolate Emiya was way less ruthless than I imagined. Perfect!

"Then no need to talk any longer, let's get going, before the Assassin servant decide to try its luck on us."  
I said dematerializing my blades, then framing with my fingers the fight and Saber.

Good I now had set the right atmosphere.  
Time to prick the co-stars with a simple and cruel question.  
"Am I right, Emiya Tohsaka?"

"..."  
"..."

Oh gosh no response. Com'on guys I hadn't been too convincing, if they had some objection they could use their mouth and speak!

"I-I want to help her"  
Finally Emiya! Okay good we were making progress, now I needed a cold shower of reality to avoid he goes out of control. Tohsaka on stage in 3,2,1.

"Don't be stupid Emiya-kun, saving another Master like this will eventually to hunt back both you and me, that Demon Master... THING has single handedly taken down a Master, a servant and two guards, I won't get in his way unless I have a plan"  
Snapped the twin tailed Magus as her rational thoughts defeated the emotional ones.

And in this precise moment the lead actor steal the scene.

"Wise words girl, wise words, so has logic suggest you get the hell away from here"

"Hikigaya, I'm not goin-"

"Yes you fucking are, otherwise both Fujimura and Matou are going to kill me, so take Saber and go, meanwhile... I'll do something stupid"  
I stated concluding my play and stretching my legs.

Wind speed; check.  
Einzbern team; still kicking.  
Distance; 300 metres, I could handle that so check.  
Trampoline;  
"Hey Saber toss me on the other side of the lake!"  
Check.

Kicking the ground I started to run like an absolute mad man towards the sword girl who was still patrolling the area.  
The moment she heard my voice visible surprise painted her face, however she quickly collected herself and aimed at me the an invisible something?

"oh too late to worry"  
I thought jumping against Saber.

My feet collided with some sort of wall made of wind, and honestly it felt pretty cool, really all the cold air was freezing me.

 ** _TWOOOOOOOON._**

In a second furious gusts of air shoot me in the sky like an arrow.  
I went flying so fast the only words I could say were.

"Emiya if I die don't touch my stuuuuuuuuuuuufffffffffffff!"

* * *

"..."

"..."  
"..."

"That incoherent bastard! He tells me to retire and he rush in the face of the demon guy! The more I know him the less I understand"

"Emiya-kun. Can Hikigaya actually survive against the demon Master?"

"Probably? I don't know. I'm inclined to think everything just said and did was just to force all of us to take action"

"Shirou, you're saying Hachiman indirectly asked for our aid?"

"If he is sure he can't win, yes"

"And if he thinks he can? If the Hikigaya kid thinks he can win?"

"Archer I don't kno-"

"That Asshole!"

"Uh Tohsaka?"

"We are his decoy, He wants us to act as his decoys if the demon Master's servant was already keeping us under control!"

"Tohsaka... Hikigaya isn't that much of an assho-"

*Bang Bang Bang  
(gun's shots)

"Shiro get down!"

"ARGH my arm!"

"RIN!

"Okay HIKIGAYA IS THAT MUCH OF AN ASSHOLE!"

* * *

Wind, wind pushing me from behind and wind slashing me up to my face, this was a combination of events I had experienced only after trying out a gigant air-soft cannon, but while the first experience had been admittedly funny, this one.

"How do I land? How do I land? How do I land? How do I land? How do I land? How do I land? How do I land?"

Less.

Finding the quikest way to get through Fuyuki's artificial lake had been easy enough, so leave behind some mytical meat shields to get out from my way the Assassin servant.

I expected the hard part to be stalling the fight with the Sieg dude and learn how to trigger Bereserker's noble phantasm, but I didn't take in account the hardest part.

Slow down from Saber's savage strength!

"Dammit dammit, I'll reach the target in seconds! Think Think Hachiman"  
I thought spreading my limbs to lose speed while keeping an eye on the demon like homunculus.  
He was charging his last five fire familiars.

That was really bad he was going for the end game I had to think faster.  
"No magecraft yet I'm not sure how strained are my magic circuits, eh if I amortize with a somersault, it will turn in at least ten somersaults and I'll be an easy target, unless I'm pushed back by the explosion of one of those familiars!."

Gifted by that sudden idea, I landed in front of the Homuncoulus brat. My momentum was insane the shocks across my spine even more; the soil was compressed under my weight the heat of the fire birds was scorching my face. Yet at once everything disappeared, everything except the familiars had become meaningless. I had to destoy them but how.

 **Familiar Type:** Remote control  
 **Power Source :** Pyro crystals combined with multiple magecrafth schools.  
 **Patter:** Move in pentagonal shape...Fractals? No. A coordination unit.

* _twwwiiiin  
_ I summoned my six holy blades form the black keys' handles.

 **Plan:** Identify control unit, the darkest one, the highest one.

 **Exectution:**

"Eliminate. Control unit."

As I finished to process all the data, my left momentum pushed me forward like a shard, the timing was essential, a single precise slash, that was everything I had to do.

0,4 0,3 0,2 0,1 0,0

* _slash  
_ with a movemnt that was the complete marriage of grace and violence I pierced through the fire control familiar.  
Explosive heat ran through my blades, I could feel blister forming on one hand and the smell of burnt bandages from the other one. After that I felt all the raw power of the bird push me back erasing what remained of Saber's energy.

The word returned around me .

Okay my plan had worked, but gosh my hands hurt like a bitch!

"arf arf"  
I panted making eye contact for the first time with the demon Master.

With Sieg.

Awe, shock, fear, curiosity. Countless emotion I'd never belived to see on a homunculus flashed in the crimson eyes of my opponent, he seemed to recognize me and I was 90% sure it wasn't agood thing.

I was planning to hold back and then do some serious damage going all out unexpectedly... my plans now needed some lighting overworking, but first I had to introduce myself to my audience.

"Hey brat, unconscious Flat-chest, unconscious whatever-your-name-was, fancy meeting you here"  
I said quietly staring at the Einzbern faction.

(I was sure I truly looked like a badass)

..their conditions were pityful, all of them were severly injured and only the brat seemed to be conscious. In part that relieved me because it meant the battles between these two Masters have been going on for a while, thus Sieg must have lost a lot of energies already.

* * *

 **the magical adventures of brain-kun**

"The fact this guy still managed to cripple a servant to that extent after spending great amount of energy isn't reassuring at all! Nijito was right if both go all out he'll win"

"More reasons to do some serious damage now that he is weakened"

"Genius you're weakened too"

"..."

* * *

"...I guess this is going to be a battle of who break up first"  
I thought studying the homunulus little girl to understand if she was just going to be a dead weight or not.

She was in shock her eyes were wide open and her mouth was trembling. I had definitely arrived after she had gave up...Fuck now she needed at least three minutes to return to be useful.

"Speaking of useful I need a cigarette shot or I'm going to have a nervous break-down tonight, Sieg-guy still in confusion state, if I don't add any stimolus he won't react for other few seconds."  
I thought blessing the old cigarette package remaining by the smoking vice of Emiya's father.

I didn't know how old that last cigarette was, but I couldn't care: I was definitely going to do more dangerous things tonight than smoking an expired roll of tobacco that had stood next to micro photo for God knows how long...

"Wait a minute, let me see this picure"  
My guts immediately twisted.

Oooooooohhhhhhhhhh no no no no no no no, It was a lie.

"you're the boy kneeling on the street"  
Said the homunculus tiny girl definitely-not-a-carbon-copy-of-the-woman-standing-near-the-magus-killer-a.k.a-Emiya's father.

"Yeah"  
I mumbled drowning under this sea of dangerous coincidens that could imply many many things I didn't want to deal with.

God! Now I truly needed to smoke, drink or do anything else to calm down my neurons.

"Too much character background in one shot"  
I thought as I rapidly draw the last cigarette and conluded to introduce myself with a.  
"But please call me Hikigaya"

One problem... I didn't have a lighter.

* _fshhhhhhh  
_ (red hot balck keys sound)

Well it was close enough.

With a shap movement I ignited my cigarette, breathed a bit of cancer and at last started to assault opponent.

* * *

Cigarette tight in my teeth, muscles tense and eyes cold like an ice sword.

Those were my mayor features as I dashed against my still confused foe: Sieg. I didn't know what was going through that guy's head, but wasting an opening like this was stupid beyond belief, even if I had planned to stall this battle until Berserker managed to help me.

"RHGAAA!"  
Grunting like a predator I covered in the blink of an eye the space between me and Sieg.

Still leaving behind my holy blades red traces, I dived against my opponent and slashed my six burning claws towards his throat; reacting to the sudden danger the homunculus bent his back back-wards doing a bridge and dodging the black keys.

"Nice reflexes"  
I thought flying above him...Uh!  
"Too good reflexes!"  
I added after this guy immediately noticed the opening left on my chest and unleashed a ribs breaking kick.

Shit. he was trained well!  
As fast as possible I moved my right foot forward to cover my defenseless chest.  
* _thun  
_ With a deaf sound Sieg's foot and mine collided, all the power of the homunculus' blow reversed inside my leg; in a second all that strength pushed me upwards, far from my opponent.

The ground beneath me receded at a frightening speed.

"1 metre, 2 metres, 3 metres, 4 metres high... This guy has enough power, speed and reflexes, to send me so high. What a beast"  
I whispered breathing a shot of cigarette before all the momentum forced me to twirl in the air.

Dammit I was going to give him my back the moment I landed. I couldnt let him out of my sight!

"GHA"  
making recourse yo all my will power I twisted myself the last moment before landing, and without giving the homunculus a moment of rest.

"Throat, shoulder, chest, knees"  
I shot at him my six flaming holy blades with three jab and cross movement, like I was a boxer.

Yet in a instant. No faster. In a fraction of instant Sieg: pushed his body in the air with his arms, revolved around himself before touching the ground and landed in the start position of olympic sprinters.

"RHHAAA!"  
Roaring like a mad monster he started to run.

* _Thuuuun  
_ With each step the earth under his feet shattered, stones flew all over the place and red dragonic claws grew on his hands.

Like a crimson meteorite he dashed against the blades I threw him, there was no fear or doubts in his eyes just a cold pragmatism... that sounds familiar. Anyway at blanc point range, Sieg slipped under my projectiles and resumed his rush like nothing happened.  
Fuck he anticipated my moves, how could have he learned to read me so quickly!

"Shit"  
I swore creating six new blades to parry the incoming strike aimed at my right side.

 _*TWIIIN  
_ My holy weapons and his red spell clashed little above my forehead. Explosive heat ran all over my face, sparks lit the night and a very hot/painful jolt pushed back my right arm after I deflected that first scorching crimson slash.

This bastard had taken this battle into close quarters, he had notice the my black keys didn't protect me from the heat of his attack. Clever, but if he dared to think this was enough to stop me he had made a huge mistake.

"HWOOOO!"

Directing the energy left in my right arm towards my legs, I made use of Sieg's power to kick him in the guts; my righ foot flew precise an violent against him, yet before I could connect the homunculus rose his right knee and absorbed the impact.  
What could have been a truly painful strike had now tuned in a simple push that allowed my foe to gain two metres from me.

The only thing I obtained from that attack was a moment to breathe, before he dashed back at me and we started a deadly dance of slashes and thrusts. Holy steel and red power flashed between us like lightnings, the spark explosions that followed each strike looked like tiny fireworks and the sweat dropping out from our foreheads spherical diamonds. Our footwork was frenetic, precise and thirsty of victory, all sounds except the one we made had stopped to exist for us, the only thing that mattered was the blow incoming and the one after, and the one after and the one after and the one after.  
With nearly maniacal dedication we tried to outpower, outspeed, and outsmart each other, still we remained in a status of stasis: I was too slow and weak to land a blow, Sieg instead had is magical power grow weaker and he... he was lacking something more fundamental I couldn't quite address. Aggressivity? Experience?  
I didn't know.  
But I had sure understood something: the situation was different from what I imagined. This Sieg guy wasn't just some powerful magus with martial art knowledge: he was just on another level, there was character in each of his blow, sure I could see that that draconic magic he was using slowed down his muscle memory, but still his fighting style was carefully crafted and personal. He was able to anticipate, endure, read the flow of each strike and bend it to his will.

"Oh shit"  
I realized.  
"Oroboro's martial art, Tiānguó zhī hé de quántóu"

Suddenly in my eyes, all my opponent's moves I have had much difficult to follow started to fall into common patterns I had created myself. My lips dried, the half smoked cigarette I still had in my mouth filed my palate of bitterness.

"Who the hell are you?"  
I thought slowing down for a second my movements.

If I'd never done it.

The hesitation that had followed my discovery made me lose one beat: Sieg immediately notice that and with pure brute power he snapped all my six holy blades and kicked my chin with a back flip.

A blazing pain bursted under my jaw, my back bent backwards and my teeth nearly tore the cigarette's filter.

"Damn It isn't the time to make question, it's time to beat the living shit out of this dude and **then** make questions."  
I thought returning into a combative mindset.

Bracing myself, I outstretched my nape towards the ground and put my fists on it.  
"Pay back time jerk"

The moment Sieg landed I performed a spinning handstanding sending my heels to clash against the homunculus's face.  
I had finally landed a proper blow.

Unfortunately after Sieg received my strikes, he let himself be transported away and thus gained enough space to prepare whatever attack he wanted.

"Oh no no no"  
I thought jumping back on my feet, summoning yet another set of holy blades and dashing towards my opponent.

But it was too late. Before my eyes the homunculus whose lineaments seemed to be turning in those of a dragon grinned madly and pronounced three words.

 **"YOR TOOL SHUL"**

Out of pure instinct I crossed my black keys and poured in them all the mana I could; They grew thicker, wider and I manipulated the holy blades to have them cover also the space before my forearm. they seemed more like jai alai gloves.

For an pure blissful second I felt nothing, but then stream of flames assailed me. Unprecedented force started to push me back, I felt the holy metal becoming hotter and hotter, until the smell of burnt skin and flesh started to fill my nose.

"AAAAHHHHHH"  
I screamed in pain as the black keys became to glow red hot and my pain magic automatically began to heal my hands before they got carbonized .

Oh com'on com'on I had to push forward! My weapons were barely covering me from these flames if I got pushed back the flame radius increased and it was going to be over for my torso.  
Sure using my magecraft I wouldn't die, but at that point this battle would be lost.

"uuuf ahhhh"  
I took a shot of tobacco...damn the cigarette was sticked to my lips now.

* * *

 **The magical adventure of brain-kun**

GET YOUR PRIORITY IN ORDER DOUCHEBAG, WE HAVE A DRAGON HOMUNCULUS SPITTING FIRE AT US!

* * *

" Okay okay, One step...urrrrrgghhhhh"  
I began to walk closer to the source of the blaze that was trying to roast me.

"Hot hot hot hot shit shit shit!"  
I repeated madly as every single step I took to cover the few metres between me and Sieg made me use countless energies.

Putting a foot after another, I arrived close enough to Sieg to see how his face was getting deformed: black scales were covering his nose, the horns and fangs that at the start of the fight I could barely see were now big and visible.  
Whatever power this homunculus was using... it was corrupting his body... and his mind.

The opponent I had fought until a minute ago wouldn't have kept wasting mana with a useless flame that aimed to break my defense using brute strength. he seemed the type to shoot fire bullets and exploy my lack of protections...  
On second thought thank God this dude was having his mind corrupted!

Now there just a few more steps and I was going to make this homunculus eat my blades.

 **"MAGNA YOL TOOL SHUR"**

Unless of course he didn't have more power.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKK"  
I screamed while the sudden increase in fire pressure pushed me back from were I started and made white cracks appear on my black keys.

Bad, terrible,horrible batehorrible!

"Were the fuck is BERSERKER! Shouldn't the ojou-brat have fixed him or something at this point!"

* * *

"Berseker can you move?"

"Rha.."

"Yeah me too"

* * *

"Godddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaamiiiiiiiiiiiiitttttttttt"  
I shouted putting all the strength I could in a desperate rush against my homunculus opponent.

The power this Sieg wielded was insane, my blades were going to shatter, to shatter, they were ready to explode in a storm of magical shards!

Only a miracle could save me

... wait a minute.

I didn't need a fucking miracle.  
I just needed a thing  
I needed to  
"MOVE MY DAMN FEETTTTT"

With one last desperate effort I closed the distances between me and dragonic homunculus. I was one step away from him. My black keys were a yellow hot mass covered by infinite white cracks, but finally I got to win this round.

With a swift movement I unhooked from the handles the black keys jumped  
*thun  
and kicked the whole scorching mass in my opponent face.

"AAHHHHHHHHHHH"  
he screamed.

And then what remained of my holy blades exploded sending us flying in opposite directions.

* * *

Time began to flow more viscous, after the sudden change of pressure, I lost any form of balance and just hanged there a few feet above the ground surrounded by scorching shards and flames.

Oddly enough in this mist of metallic ashes I found myself at peace and managed to put in order my thoughts.

 **Immediate threats** : eight shards.  
 **Strategy** : Block with legs and heal later, shards still red hot, painful, but the immediate cauterization of the wounds won't make me lose blood or reduce excessively my overall performance.  
 **Time** : 0,05 seconds

"Ouch these things burn as fuck!"

 **Secondary threats:** Landing  
 **Further analysis:** Approaching the ground at medium elevate speed, overall direction same as the location of the Einzbern team  
 **Strategy** : None, protect vitals as much as possible and endure the impact.  
 **Time:** 3,00 seconds.

"Well isn't that an awful long time to wait"  
I thought as my eye lingered towards the homunculs who was in my same situation.

 **Foe:** Sieg.  
 **Race:** Homunculus  
 **Threat:** Indefinible.  
 **Strength:** Indefinible. Possesses elevate level of melee prowless, on par with Oroboro's operative agents, even with his mind under corruption. Further investigations required.  
 **Magecrafth:** Indefinible. Draconic in nature and seems to revolve around fire spells, apparently corrupts thinking process, body and possibly soul. Further investigations required.

Gosh I had truly found one heck of a riddle tonight. Nijito said he was open to dialogue, let's hope that once this story was over, I could work-out some kind of truce.

Oh look ground!

Oh... yikes,

"this's going to hurt."

* * *

"LaannnndinGH! Ah! Eh! Ih! Oh! Uh! Stone in the shoe! AH"  
I grunted crushing on mother earth while confirming my previous statement.

It was official kissing the ground at elevate speed and roll for several metres without proper planning was painful!

"UUUUHHHHAAAAA... still alive...*coff suck it world"  
I groaned after ending my painful earth sliding.

Damn everything hurted, my legs had pieces of steel in them, all my bones were roughed up and my head...was actually on something relatively fluffly.

"Eh what is this?...oh hello there brat"  
I said realizing that I had reached the side of the tiny homunculus girl I had met this afternoon.

Crimson eyes scanned me with curious and some how annoyed.  
"First it's Illya, Illyasviel von Einzbern, not brat. Second who are you? Why are you helping me? Are you okay? Where did you take that coat?"

"That's an awfully long second, do you know that brat?"

"I said"

"yeah, yeah Einzbern-chan complain when I'm not saving your butt. Questions later. For now I just say I don't like people dying under my watch: you were going to be killed, people die when they're killed, ergo I saved you, be sure to repay me."

"Are you a Master?"

"Nope"

"So this whole situation shouldn't matter to you"

"Definitely"

"yet you're here"

"I think I already told you the reason"

"you're weird"

"And you're an Albino small girl who's probably older than me, state your point. Am I weird becuse I'm tall and show my age?"

"...no because I can't get what's your deal and...your hands are smoking"

Oh right my auto healing spell... ugh I was supposed to keep my act of incompetent spell caster.

"My hands are what!? Ah! it burns, God if it burns, the pain ooooooohhh it's unbearable"  
I began to roll on my hands until my burns had completely healed, and the holy metal shards expulsed by my legs.

Gosh my right hand's bandage had been almost broken. I had to be more careful.

"Okay they stopped, good, ah it was fault of the black keys' handle, my bad"  
I brushed away the issue with maestry.

"Again you're weird"

"Do I have to leave you here? And just to let you know I'm really tempted."

"...I'm sorry, you're just a bit odd"

"I'll go with that, can you walk?"

"No"

"Your servant over there?"

"He is without an arm and leg"

"Duh... I can see that, but if he is still kicking, sorry that came out bad, and the other guy didn't kill him means your servant must have some Noble Phantasm that activates upon damage, am I right?"

"..."

" Am I right! Speak before the demon dude comes back to hunt us!"

"Yes! Berserker regenerates upon dying"

"Okay, now I take you on my shoulders, reset the big guy and we retire with your maids. How's their condition?"  
I asked forcing myself on my feet.

"They were both bleeding"  
She said in weak voice as I went to check their pulse.

 **Tolle** **tuum** , **ne** **me** **pondus  
** _(let me take your burden)_

"They're weak but the bleeding has stopped"  
I said absorbing sneaky their wounds and then healing them on myself.

Thank God the faint light and the black coat hid all the smoke. Now I had only to endure the rebound and * _ **TWWWWWEEEEEEENNNN**_

Dammit brain split in two brain, split in two!

" _Gha_.. arf arf, brat, how's your arm?"

"Still there"

"Okay, wait I have a healing ointment, close your eyes, it's corrosive for them, but your arm will return utilizable "  
I ordered building up most of the mana I had left.

The girl closed her eyes and I began to massage her tiny arm.

 **Tolle** **tuum** , **ne** **me** **pondus**

Her skin twitched under my touch, but as she started to heal she calmed down. Perfect now I had one thing less to do.  
Everything was going as I planned...until three new servants showed up.

"...fuck"

* * *

Everything happened incredibly fast. I thought only the term "Chaos incarnate" was an apt description of what's going on at this battlefield.

The moment a black coated man landed a few metres from of me...It was like I had my face slapped.  
I could immediately say he was a servant, but unlike Rider, Lancer, Saber, Archer, Gilgamesh or Berserker his presence didn't stand out. How could I explain... all the other servants I met so far seemed to fire brand their existence in this reality; once you set your eyes on them you couldn't stop watching, they were a beacon of energy that outshined everything around them.

This servant...Assassin was the exact opposite, he seemed to be an hole in the space-continum, a tear in a reality that was trying to resew up itself.

He was in front of me yet he wasn't.

Needless to say he made all my senses go overdrive, he genuinely scared me. I saw him stare at me and Einzbern for a second, but before he could do anything an hail of red arrows fell from the heavens against him.

"Archer!"  
I thought while Assassin dashed away from the impact point.

* _BOOOOOMMM_

Ground and dirt were sent everywhere while a thick cloud of dust obscured my sight. Gha! my cigarette went off... uh this thing was still in my mouth!

Rhg MIND SET ON BIGGER PROBLEMS HACHIMAN!

"So Assassin has actually taken the bait I left for him, if everything has followed my plans he went to attack Archer after Emiya and Saber tried to chase after me. Saber/Emiya return to back-up Archer since the latter is a long ranged fighter, and they rough up Assassin together. Said servant then recognize shitty situation goes fetch his Master and runs away."  
I thought shielding Einzbern with my body from all the dust.

Yet why did I have the odd feeling my plans were going to be screwed up?

"Assassin!"  
Screamed Saber's voice sweeping away all the dust with her magical winds.

"Hello Assassin desu"  
Responded gloomy the dark servant waving in the air a pink-bladed sword.  
He seemed completely at ease.

* _Tiuuuuuuuuu  
_ Two other crimson arrows appeared from nowhere to decapitate him. Again he remained completely not bothered by the matter and dodged the two magical projectiles just two movements of his neck.

"Nuuuu, that's what E luck does Archer, try to get closer next time"  
Said Assassin profusely taunting Archer who stood roughly 300 metres away.

The dark servant probably grinning under his mask in this moment.

"Honor the battlefield you brute!"  
Shouted Saber charging against him with a dash of prana.

"When it will be more efficient"  
retorted the servant of the assassination drawing a gun and starting to shoot at Saber.

* _bam bam bam  
_ Three bullets flew towards the girl's eyes and shoulder.  
Using her invisible sword as a shield Saber deflected all bullets, unfortunately she understood too late they were just a decoys, by the time the bullets had stopped invading her field of view Assassin had rushed against her. Like a snake he slided under Saber defences then regained his footing and landed a devastating upper-cut on her kidneys.

"UGH!"  
Gasped Saber from the sudden blow before receiving Assassin's pink sword's pommel on the cheek.

"This wasn't in my plans"  
I shivered observing the dark servant dashing towards Berserker while eluding multiple assaults from both Saber with invisible sword and Archer who was now using a set of ying-yang twin blades.

"Brat don't forget your damn sword"  
Screamed Assassin throwing at his Master a God-knows-how-heavy great sword lying close to Berserker.

"Thanks it slipped from my hands,...Ugh this thing is heavy!"  
Responded Sieg jumping up from the ground looking much more sane than a minute ago.

Oh God other shit incoming!

"Don't die until I'm back!"  
Commended Assassin before placing a bullet between Berserker eyes.

Suddenly a pillar of light regenerated the crippled servant making him rose up and start chasing after Assassin with a massive.

"RRRRRRRRRHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"Follow me bitches or the twin tailed one blows up!"  
Waved off Assassin disappearing in the streets of Fuyuki followed by other three servants.

"and bye bye to all my plans...Einzbern do you have a lighter?"

"No"

"...Gosh I have to wait until Emiya gets here"

"Emiya!?"

"Yeah Saber's master... wonder what's taking him so long."

* * *

"RUN TOHSAKA RUN!"

"HOW DID THE PUT AN EXPLOSVE CLOCK ON ME!"

"DON'T KNOW BUT OR YOU DO 10000 STEPS IN FIVE MINUTES OR YOU'RE DONE, SO RUN TOHSAKA "

" WHY ARE YOU RUNNING TOO!?"

* * *

"I bet he is flirting with Tohsaka, let's hope they're not too mad"

* * *

"HIKIGAYA I'LL KILL YOU"  
"HIKIGAYA I'LL KILL YOU"

* * *

"Well there are more pressing matters now"  
I said inspiring deeply... I was definitely going to burn all the mana I'd left in a matter of minutes.  
"Brat, now listen carefully once I'm bout to start fighting again you start running towards where the two servants arrived, you'll meet a boy and a girl about my age, tell them Hikigaya sent you, oh also say to the boy **castling** he'll hopefully understand"

"What about Sella and Leysritt?"  
Asked Illya worried.

"I'll protect them... and then have Flat-chest weave my praises, ahhaha that'll be fun... ehm you know what? Just go when the round two begins"

"And when is this supposed second round supposed to begin"

"Your speech is repetitive"

"..."

"Well I guess when he launches a preventive attack, and then we are both ready to break each other's bones"  
I said in the same moment a thin arc of fire darted above us.

"Speaking of the devil"  
I thought raising what remained of my cigarette to lit it once again.

Ding ding match two.

* * *

"Yo, Demon-Homunculus-Master-san, here to continue?"  
I greeted my opponent stepping away from Einzbern.

"Actually I'd be fairly propens to just go home, of course if you peacefully handed over to me Illyasviel von Einzbern"  
He said slowly walking toward me holding in one hand a red and black crystal-like sword.

Hooray this mini-boss had another phase... How lucky.

"Given how you tried to roast her a few minutes ago...no, you know I don't like grilled lolis."  
I retorted blowing some smoke towards the homunculus.

He looked way more human than in our first round: his horns, fangs and claws were way smaller now and his eyes were a lot more clear. It was like the last scorching blow I landed on his face restored his sanity...Nah it was probably the sword.  
Still why wasn't his face burned to a crisp? He kept looking awesome... how unfair.

"Yeah...nobody likes grilled lolis. Ehm how can I say I messed up. Used a new power, followed a voice's bad advises and stuff."  
Told me the homunculus very informal, it was almost like he knew me.

Oh wait I knew he knew me!

But did he know, that I knew that he knew?!

This is getting confusing.

"Have you got everything out of your system?"  
I asked condescending trying to test how susceptible he was.

"Probably."

Ok It didn't work this guy was like Emiya with girls: He didn't take a hint!

"Can we like introduce ourselves, and return to fight? Tomorrow I'm planning to re-watch Trigun and I'd like to start early, so the fastest we get this over with the better"  
He said emotionless raising... fairly reasonable points.

"Oh, I didn't think you were a man of culture, I'm genuinely surprised"  
I gasped blinking several times... Didn't see that one coming.

He in respond breathed deeply, stared in my eyes and said emotionless.  
"There again only because I'm an homunculus I can't have any interests. You damn racist"

"Wohoho slow down, I was just making a random comment without any racial prejudice."  
Damn I was feeling guilty, I was losing the psychologic warfare.

"...it was a joke... I know you weren't"

Ara?

"Were you being sarcastic?"

"yes, was not evident? I believed I've attained mastery over my "it's a joke smile""  
He blinked confused.

"Dude...your mouth remained a straight line"

"...uh... the nerves aren't responding.. even though I used a regenerative gem just now...that's not good... "

"No good indeed!"

"Oh God... my wife is going to kill me if I stop smiling in pictures!"

"Tsk...Sucks to be you mate."

"... I know..."

"Listen...let's just...uh shall we do the introduction thing or just start battling again."  
I said trying to create an opportunity to launch my newly invented plan that guess what started the moment me and this guy started fighting while Einzbern ran away.

"Fine, fine, risking severe injuries will help distracting me from this mess"  
He said planting his sword on the ground and stretching his neck.

"Brat if you feel like running now's the moment"  
I whispered to Illya realizing this was the perfect moment to actuate my back-up plan known as "survive this evening without anyone dying".

Now my first plan would have been better but thanks to someone ehemehem fucking Assassin servant, I had to come up with something new on the spot, and the success rate might have been a little lower.

"Okay"  
She agreed in low voice.

Without hesitation she pushed her feet on the ground and started running. It would have been kind of cute if not for the burnt clothes and the other blood stains... Einzbern looked like a secondary character of some trashy horror movie.

But then... nothing happened she just kept moving further and further away.

"Uh you're letting her go like that?"  
I asked totally clueless to Sieg while he kept doing his stretching.

"Yes, she was just a bait to make me show an opening and let you shoot me with the gun you keep in that coat of yours. It's very pretty by the way. I bet you also told her something misteryous make her think you had a different plan. Don't worry it would have worked 9 times out of 10, but here I can still take as hostages her maids and I expected some rotten trick from you Hikigaya Hachiman... so you can say"

"You saw that coming"

"Precisely. Now here me out there are two options for you: 1 we can waste energies and fight until Assassin comes back or I defeat you. 2 You can get away."  
Said Sieg pointing his ominous sword at me.

"You sound awfully confident your servant will survive a 3 vs 1"  
I retorted intrigued by this homunculus.

He seemed emotionless yet he made jokes and apparently had a wife. He should only act through logic, but believed in his servant incredibly. But most importantly... wait he had a **wife**?! Can Homunculi can feel any carnal or sentimental desire to push them to find a partner? Sure as far as I knew an homunculus has like zero defences against carnal pleasure so they are... Sluts... but really a 3D WIFE?

"What's this guy's deal?"  
I thought widening my dead eyes.

"Ah ah ah... if Assassin has lured three servants behind him he has got a plan"

"Oh I did have plan too... look! It's still running away"  
I deadpanned pointing at Illya.

"...Yeah but as I already told you I saw that coming Hikigaya Hachiman"

"Oh right how stupid of mine forget it... Well it seems I have to solve this the ol' way"  
I retorted to the homunculus clicking my neck.  
"And then discover how much you know about me Sieg-san"

"...you know my name"

"Didn't see this one coming"

"No... I didn't see it at all"

* * *

Sieg and I kept exchanging glares, the tension between us could be cut with a knife, both of us were definitely aware of how dangerous the we could be for one another; so to be the better man I threw far above my head all my six black keys handles and said.  
"I lay the situation clear, you're out of energy, I'm out of energy, but I'm going to all out from now on. And if you're half as smart as I believe, you know you won't beat me unless you do the same"

"...My mana reserves are way wider than yours why couldn't I just stall the game and let you waste all your power?"  
He asked sharpening his eyes.

"Because we both know you're going to break down soon."

"..."

"I don't know what power are you using, but you're borrowing it from somewhere and using your body as a catalyst, the sword is now mitigating the effect, but I can tell you're going to collapse soon"  
I faked a smile since my suppositions were like, totally baseless.

I only counted on the fact no idiot in the world would mix dragon dna and human one while making an homunculus. With that being said, Sieg must have been using some really dangerous artifact. Also if I count we have been fighting for a several minutes already and he must have had quite the match with Einzbern and Berserk: or he was going to collapse soon enough or the dragonic thingy he was using had already merged with his soul and all the energy he has used so far was the excess product of said merging.

"...wait a minute so or this fight is pretty suicidal or is very suicidal"  
I thought maintaining a straight face for miracle.

"pff. ah ah ah ah ah ahah... you're really Hikigaya Hachiman"  
Laughed awkwardly Sieg raising his sword towards the sky.  
"Then this will be an all out fight, but to be clear, since you have reinforces incoming I'll beat you so badly they'll be forced to retire, please don't blame if you lose one arm."

"Right back at you"  
I hissed poisonous as the black keys were falling down against me.

"RHAAAAAAA!"  
"RHAAAAAAA!"  
Releasing a war cry we flared our power.

* * *

Blue bolts of mana sourced from thousands of points in my body, they moved to catch the six black keys that surrounded me and then massive amounts of holy metal wires started to appear forming a cluster, no a spider web around me.

It was time to step up the game.

... uhm where should I start to explain what I was doing?

Probably from the beginning.

Spider web magic circuits: an ultra ramification of normal magic circuits that causes their subsequent massive expansions and lack in quality.  
That was the book definition of what most people would call my personal curse; a terrible mutation that turned all the efforts of my magical bloodline in worthless crap.  
I soon realized that when it came to magecraft, for everything I needed twice the time to achieve half the results of anybody else, and it truly sucked, yet after years and years of training I discovered some nifty and unique techniques available only for the likes of mine.

Manipulating the holy steel I placed the six black keys on my skin in different places of my body, then the metal that they poured in exchange for my mana ran on my fists and forearms to form two long gauntlets. Thin wires moved under my clothes and covered like a net: my spine, neck, chest, arms and legs, even my shoes got reinforced by a silverish layer of magic metal.  
This armor like strategy was the same I implemented against Lancer: envelope myself in my own power to boost my mobility and defence. Usually I used my black smoke because it was easier to use, more powerful and versatile, but on the short term black keys cost less in mana terms, so it was okay.

In the same time I got ready, Sieg's whole body got surrounded by a magic circle while all his demonic features disappeared in red lightnings that got absorbed by his red and black crystal like sword. He had probably stopped to use his body as a lightning rod for that crimson energy and condensed all the power he could in the sword before cutting the supply line. Smart he stored a lot of energy and stopped to have his mind corrupted.

"Mind becomes clearer, but his fight potential remain bound to the sword, I disarm him I win"  
I thought staring at the homunculus...gosh he was insane! now I understood why Archer couldn't tell if he was a servant or not.

"Done with your preparations?"  
I asked creating metal spikes on my knuckles.

"Sure"  
Retorted Sieg making his sword shine like a burning ember.

"High level mana compression you avoid wasting energy in heat and remain with pure crimson magic... Impressive Sieg-san. You must be very experienced in mana transferring"

"You have NO idea... so many beds broken"

"Pardon?"

"Nothing, you on the other hand...uh a black key's full covering, only a person with experience and spider web circuits could attempt something like this without ending up in a metal coffin Hikigaya. Does it have name?"

"I don't think it deserves a name, just know that in this form.  
My body is made out of swords."

 _( Karada wa tsurugi de dekiteiru )_

"Ominous"

"Half of its charm"

"What's the other half?"

"You're about to know"

* * *

 **Boooommmmmmmmmmmmm.**

Leaving a sonic boom behind, Sieg and I dashed towards each other, earth scattered around. A blink of an eye and we were face to face. Our stares crossed. Then it began: a restless storm of fists and slashes.

"Keep the power flowing Hachiman"  
I thought struggling to avoid my magic circuits fried.

Letting my mana flow along with my body, I used my holy steel armor to transcend human limits, punching, kicking and dodging faster than the beat of a hummingbird's wings. Sieg however was no less impressive, enchanting only his junctures and brain he managed to keep up with my newfound speed trying to use the advantages of his longer weapon.

Unlike our first round the physical differences were slimmer, but so were the mental ones. Sieg and I still couldn't land a blow against each other, yet this time around the air wasn't tored apart by the screams of our blow clashing. On contrary the whole area was absorbed in spectral silence; only the the sound of our breaths and movements could be heard as we kept chasing each other's residual image.

Up, down, left, left, right, down.  
Apparently we could anticipate each other's all moves uh?  
But what about.  
Down, right left, left, down, up.  
Okay all moves still anticipated... time to play dirty.

I manipulating the black keys on my legs, I jumped back leaving a hole in the ground; in mid air produced two long metal quills.  
"Rgh"  
And with an half assetted grunt I threw them against Sieg.

"Fucker"  
Grunted the homunculus studying my attack.

He immediately lowered his stance in order to have more balance and slashed both of them with his great sword. A scorching arc erupted out of the crystal like blade, still before the magical weapon could even reach my quills they split up and enclosed the sword's blade in a steel vice.

I knew he was going to break through that attack, and actually I counted on that.

"Programmed magecraft"  
Muttered astonished Sieg while metal hooks shot out from my sword handcuff grounding the great blade.

"FUAHHHRRRG"  
Landing from my jump I instantly dashed back towards Sieg.

Hands, feet, I used both of them like an Olympic gymnast to charge power. Focusing my mana in the two black keys' handle I had hidden on my legs, I performed five front handsprings leaving behind a blue trail of power. Once I was close enough I pushed myself in the air with my arms and directed my right heel at Sieg as a holy blade a meter long enveloped my leg.

I like a snake on his prey I brought down my blade, leaving only a whistle and blue line behind. I was going to severe Sieg's connection with his sword, and maybe an arm of two if he was stubborn.

Still before I could connect.

" **Morgendämmerung des Drachen** "  
(Dawn of the dragon)

The homunculus flared his crimson magic enveloping himself with a giant dragon head.

The sword handcuffs got smashed into bits and my blade stopped by the phantasmal jaws of the dragon head.  
"Too much extra effort. You're really new to this power, you're more used to quick and explosive magecraft than constructive one"  
I commented ejecting my leg blade to push myself away from the homunculus.

"Yes I've started tonight"  
Responded Sieg letting his crystal sword re-absorb the red power.

The blade I left there started to fall, however before it touched the ground Sieg began cutting hit in tiny pieces with his sword.  
"but I'm a quick learner"

As he said that all the shards that composed my leg blade got enveloped in ruby like crystals, they hung in the air for a second and then flew at me at absurd speed.

"THIS'S WAY BEYOND QUICK LEARNING!"  
I thought joining my hands to prayer.

The metal around my forearms spreaded to form a round shield with a diameter of six feet.

* _trtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrtrt_

Around two dozens of crystals slammed against my shield before bouncing all over the place. Rapidly me and my dented shield found ourselves taken from behind by crimson stars, still no matter how pretty it appeared I immediately sensed something was off. Barely the time to convert my shield in two arm blades and all the rubies blossomed like lotuses shooting the shards inside them.

An attack inside an attack!

Breathing as much air as I could I spinned myself and began to slash, slash and slash down all the metal projectiles leaving Sieg's rubies.

* _Tintintintitintintintintititn  
_ Azure arcs of mana followed my hand swords' edges I was truly become one with the blades.

Still I suddenly felt a presence charging silently behind me and then everything became clear.  
"It was a decoy!"  
I thought forcing my body to turn back.

* _THWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!_

My eyes filled with Sieg's red-black sword.  
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
Roared the homunculus letting out all his raw strength out to slam down his broad blade.  
"DHAAAAAAAAAAA"  
I shouted back keeping crossed my hand swords to parry the blow.

The ground beneath me shattered, I fell on my knees under all that power and I finally got too see Sieg's eyes again.  
They were shining like fire and I could tell it.

He was having fun.

Why you ask?

Because I was enjoying myself too.

Breaking out a mad grin I spit on the homunculus' right eye what remained of my still lit cigarette. Out of reflex he closed his eyes letting the burning tobacco left overs only parch his eyelid. Sieg lost his concentration and strength giving me the time to regain footing and push him several meters back.

"You know the smoke is bad for your health"  
I snorted converting my arm blades in daggers and assuming my usual fighting stance.

"Hikigaya, not even after nearly scorching my retina my eyes would be as ugly as yours"  
Hissed the artificial human scratching his eye while his crystal sword shined ominous.

Uuuuuuu this guy knew how to talk me back... I seriously needed to beat the living shit out of him.

"You fight well for a flesh bag who taught you to"  
I asked **REALLY** struggling to avoid start shooting metal blades until the homunculus looked like pincushions.

"An old relic always ready to complain about my excessively high grades in math."

"IIIIIII... I don't see any logical reason why something like that would happen"  
I rose an eyebrow definitely lost.

Sieg used Oroboro's fighting style, but out of 300 Oroboro's executive none was over his 30's and none would complain/ care about school.

"ah... seven years and still no answers"  
Mummbled the homunculus leaving me more WTF than ever. If I was lost before now I was tied and blindfolded in the back of a van. Not a funny experience I can assure you.

"This Master of yours sounds like a douche"  
I voiced my opinion.

"...the greatest of all of them"  
Nodded Sieg dropping his neck excessively down.  
"But he taught me many things"  
Added the homunculus flaring his magic.

"and what would they be?"  
I did the same.

"oh too many to list, but the most important one is "Don't waste time"  
Having said that Sieg bent his knees while his eyes began to scan all the zone.

Jumping points, natural obstacles, I could see him process all those data in a blink of an eye, apparently he wanted to resolve everything with a running fight. However I couldn't see why. With my armor I had the edge in mobility and agility, Sieg however with his large sword was going to be way less efficient in continous movements.

"...he has a plan... and he must have figured out how to cancel my armor by now"  
I thought throwing a quick stare to the two unconscious homunculi behind my back.

What was going through that artificial brain? Was he trying to take hostages? Direct me in some booby trapped zone?

I didn't know what to think. But then I saw three people in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"..shit"  
I muttered while Sieg stared at me with challenging gaze.

"You know what people say Hikigaya? Keep friends close, enemy closer, and incompetents as far as you can"

The only thing I saw after he pronounced those words was a red line dashing towards Emiya, Tohsaka, and Einzber.

"Mother-"

* * *

"Tohsaka, last twenty steps!"

"O-oh God, I can feel my lungs killing me from the inside"

"Com'on don't give up"

"I can't tell when my skin end and the sweat begins arf arf...Emiya-kun... catch me"

"AH! Don't drop limp just like that...*diving teenager sounds...fuuu by a hair"

"Thanks, I *arf I need a moment to rest"

"Okay don't worry, now just focus on breathin-. Is that a tiny girl running towards us"

"* _glance..._ yes..."

"What do we do?"

"...yes"

"Dammit Tohsaka! Uh hello there little girl"

"...* _arf... arf.._ Hiki- _arf_ Hikigaya sent me... he said castling"

"..uh? Castling?"

* * *

"-Fucker"  
Pushing my legs to their breaking point, I chased after Sieg.

Cold air slashed across my face, and unconsciously I bit my lower lips until It started bleeding.

"Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit! Tonight nothing went as I planned!"  
I thought closing distances with the Homunculus coated in a scarlet aura.

Everything was just so wrong. Assassin and Sieg were factors way more unpredictable than I thought. I cpuldn't plan against them they always were a step in front of me; Sieg didn't fall for my Einzbern bait and now I had to avoid Emiya and Tohsaka got injured too, Assassin made use of my plan to lure away Berserker and strip me of a powerful ally.

They could read me far better than I believed possible, and I was able to imagine only three things that could lead to such situation...let me tell you, all of them freaked the hell out of me.

* * *

" RHHAAAAAAAAAAAA"  
With one last desperate effort I threw my steel dagger at the homunculus who was...Naruto running?

I aimed at his cervical... it was an attack meant to severe nerve joints... an attack to make my opponent, Sieg, tertaplegic forever. In my life had done something like this exactly three times and it has always been awful. I had burn into my eyes their glassy stare as the perceptions of their limbs faded.

"Desperate times call for desperate measures"  
I repeted myself while my silverish blade travelled towards the homuculus.

I didn't want to watch, I didn't want to see myself ruining another life. But I had made that choice, I had to see through the end and accept whatever will come out of it.

I stopped breathing.

My dagger came closer to Sieg's neck, and then it pierced through.  
 _*Thiiiiiiiinnnnn  
_ It pierced through a crimson crystal...

"WHAT?"  
I gasped.

The homunculus a moment before he got stabbed, summoned a ruby fang big as man from the ground and used it as a ramp!

Like a dolphin breaking out from the water Sieg back flipped on his crystal; His face was calm, his eyes of crimson stone and his sword shining of raging power.

"He outsmarted me. He dashed away the only moment I couldn't draw my gun quickly enough, and put me in a spot where I couldn't get time to reflect"  
I thought realizing how easily I had fallen for his trap.

Damn I was rusty... Years of overly planned missions and high level tactical support had weakned my battle senses.

* * *

What happened after was too fast for me to react properly; Sieg flew like a red comet above my head whispering.

"Roar, guardian dragon"

He landed behind me skewering in the ground his sword, and then everything became a mad jungle of red crystals.

" **Nothung"**

* * *

Situation  
Hateful  
Incredibly  
Troublesome

Otherwise known as S.H.I.T.

Yup there was a massive S.H.I.T. around me, and not a common S.H.I.T. oh no no no no my luck wasn't that good.  
A Noble Phantasm S.H.I.T. named Nothung, The cursed sword from the ring of the Nibelungs. A weapon worthy of a servant, but most importantly a weapon aimed at me!

"How the hell did he managed to get that sword"  
I thought while countless crimson spikes rose from the ground aiming at me.

Realizing how badly I was going to get skewered, panic filled my throat, even with my metallic armor there was no way I could handle so much damage at once. The only option I had here was to send in overdrive all the black keys, drying up all my power and somehow protect my vitals.

"If I use all the keys I'll remain defenseless, and I bet Sieg didn't pour all his strength in this attack... yes... it must be a D level Phanstasm at best. A mere drop of that sword's power"  
I told myself studying the red spikes' pattern.

In a few instants I divided the ground around me in sectors, A,B, C etc.

3 crystals from sector D, 2 from sector A, 1 from sector C and so on: at first it seemed they popped out causally and that all their ramification were random, yet under the desperate desire of saving my sweet ass, I realized the crystals didn't grow casually at all.

"Sector E 5, sector B 3..Yes!"  
I could predict where the crystals where going to appear, I knew their pattern...they followed the basic algorithm of creation magecrafts.

God the Homunculus had really began using this power tonight. Changing the manifestation pattern of any wide area spell from any kind of creation magecraft was the basic of the basic; Really lesson one "focusing and spreading"

"if that crystal in sector F goes there and the other three in sector G in those points...I can survive using only 4 black keys, I just have to hope that crystal at my left barely out of the control grid won't grow more than 28 centimeters... Or now or never "

 **black keys overdrive** **quam chrysallidem  
(**chrysalis **)**

* * *

Short sad story; I managed to shoot around myself four black keys and force the magical metal to protect me, however that crystal... the one at my left...ugh... grew of 29 centimeters.

So... Now I had two belly buttons...and one was several times larger than the other.

* * *

"RHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

With a scream that lacerated my throat I was propelled backwards enveloped in a cloud of crystals, metal and wooden shards. I felt my stomach on fire and in the meantime crimson lines began spreading all over my belly starting from where I got injured.

 _Dragonic curse!_

My mouth was filled by hot blood and all my magic circuits were randomly turning on and off. I couldn't see a thing just the scarlet jaws I barely escaped from.  
 _gha..  
_ I tried to breathe but I only managed to choke with my own blood.

Ugh! No... No it couldn't end like this... I had to land on my feet, I had to return fighting now that Sieg had just unleashed a powerful attack.

"Now that he's going to show an opening."  
I mumbled on the verge of fainting.

Dammit I needed air! Calling forth to all my will power I manipulated the black key left to protect my neck like a collar, I created two thin tubes to pierce into my trachea, immediately two gushes of blood came out, but luckily now I could breath freely.  
" _aaaaahhhhh"_  
I spitted away the blood left in my mouth.

"Okay"  
I thought.  
"Now feet on the ground black key used to protect spine in han-#!"

Before I got to end my list of good intentions, the ground reminded me that reality doesn't wait for cool lines, or anything else.

 _*crack  
_ The sudden impact with mother earth dislocated my left shoulder, a painful blaze shoked my whole body, I wanted to scream, tear the air with my voice, however all the air never reached my vocal cords, it came out from the holy metal tubes. so the only thing that came out was a dry gasp.  
"hhggghhh"

It was over... I had lost.  
It was question of seconds before I passed and all my efforts got trashed away, most likely Emiya and Tohsaka were going to get out of here unharmed, but Einzbern...Flat-chest... and Leyswhatever were done for.  
I didn't manage to protect them.

My vision blurred, I wanted to close my eyes, yeah close my eyes, I truly needed some sleep to forget this horrible evening.  
"Uhmmhmmm. This is what always happens when... I make...rushed...decisions"  
I told myself, sealing the two tubes before losing consciousness.

"Ah Hikigaya!"  
correction nearly losing consciousness because Emiya's voice had to called me out from my reflexive pause.

"EMIYA YOU'RE NOISY GODDAMIT I'M HAVING A MOMENT WITH MYSELF, SHUT UP!"  
I screamed snapping my eyes open.

"Ah! Well fuck you too, I'm sorry for worrying about your crazy self after you crushed near us with a hole in the stomach"  
Rebuked the red haired teenager staring me from above.

Nuuu this was humiliating I was unable to stand up while Emiya could assist in the first row.

"...Is he still alive"  
"Given how much he was screaming definitely is"

Oh perfect there were also Einzbern and Tohsaka, Ugh now I had to say "everybody run" or something like this showing how all my plans had gone up in smoke.  
"Oh you three are all here good, now run."  
I said calm moving my neck.

 _AH THE METAL WAS COOOOLD!_

"Uh what?"  
Asked the usual genius, Emiya.

"Yes Emiya running, that funny action you do with your legs...rrrrhhaaa"  
I retorted trying to suppress a painful shock coming from my chest.

"Listen, I couldn't defeat that Master over there...so please...run"  
I grunted struggling to reach a sitting position.

"Run...run of course!"  
Exclaimed Emiya drawing from his pocket the dagger I gave him.

Uh? What was going on?.

" **Trace on**...The move where the tower rushes in the place of the king"

No really, what the hell! Why Emiya was describing the castling move...Oh Christ.

"Castling"

"Emiya, no I meant run a-"

"RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"-way"

* * *

Looking at Emiya charging like an idiot towards an opponent he didn't have the minimum chance of defeating, I could only think two things.  
"NOT"  
"AGAIN"

Why? Why in the bloody hell that freaking retarded couldn't understand the implied "away" when I ordered him to run.

"That idiot"  
I rasped standing up, only to fall again on my knees.

Shit my shoulder was in the wrong place... I had to fix it...

"Uh Thank God, Oroboro's training program impose to have everybody watch Lethal Weapon"  
I thought slamming my shoulder on the ground.

 _*CRACK!_

"Don't overstrain yourself"  
Squeaked Einzbern rushing at my side cheching my newly fixed shoulder.

"Ugh Dammit, Tohsaka please stop Emiya do something, anything, that Master over here is not someone he can deal with"  
I begged starring the twin tailed magus intent to bite off a toy watch made of green plastic from her wrist... was that thing was on some weird reddish stain or it was just me?

"Tohsaka OI! Don't ignore me and stop playing with that toy"  
I grunted trying to get her attention while Sieg had noticed Emiya approaching.

"Relax, we have at least five minutes look the other Master is underestimating him"  
Replied the girl.

Underestimating? Underestimating! It was a miracle Emiya survived this long, none was underestimating anybody!

"a massacre is coming"  
I thought looking at the two Masters.

Before me, with a nearly lazy movement, Sieg discarded his sword and dashed towards Emiya bare-handed. The homunculus stance was tired but his eyes were clear and focused, he drawed Emiya's attention making glow his left while he prepared to strike with his right one.  
I could see it a fist aimed at the forearm: basic defensive move of Tiānguó zhī hé de quántóu. One hit and CRACK! Emiya's arm was broken in two and the dagger in Sieg's hand.

I wanted to scream Emiya to look out, but my voice died as I saw my dagger invaded by bluish lines and caught a glimpse of my landlord's eyes. He knew it was a feint.

*FHUM  
Tearing the air Sieg's fist pointed at Emiya's arm, yet.  
* _dodge  
_ Emiya actually dodged the arm breaking blow by spinning on a heel and sweeping aside the homuculus.

Sieg and I spreaded our eyes until they nearly bursted out of our skulls, while the red haired teenager caught this moment to attempt a stab on the homunculus shoulder.

Reacting to the danger Sieg's instincts kicked into gear and stopped the dagger's blade between his medium and ring, but not even this movie like move helped him as emiya landed a solid kick on his face.

"What the..."

"I told you Hikigaya, Shiro's been understimated."

* * *

"Okay first what the fuck, second what the actual FUCK! Third Shiro? Fourth Really what happened? Fifth STOP BITING THAT THING ITS DISGUSTING."  
I said without mving my eyes from Shiro..,ehm wow that felt gross, from Emiya and the homunculus.

It was astounishing the red haried teenager was actually holding his ground against Sieg's martial arts; His stance and footwork were flawless, it was almost like he had practiced against a mirror for 10 years. And yes I say a mirror because Emiya was clearly not used to fight. Don't get me wrong it was a miracle the how he kept dodging and anticipating the various blows, but he remained too much on the defensive, his bladeplay was staright-up poor and his moves way too repetitive: Basically he was some noob playing Tekken that kept spamming the same base combo.

"Emiya had the initial surprise effect and Sieg has the post-Hikki effect, but this is getting ridiculus"  
I thought looking Sieg divert Emiya's dagger with the back of his hand, and then push my land lord away with a powerful punch on the ribs.

That idiot won't last more than three minutes. Tohsaka. Answers. Now."  
I incited my classmate ignoring another painful jolt from my belly.

"I don't know what to tell you exactly. After you jumped away Assassin attacked... but I suppose that was part of your plan"

"...In my defense I didn't believe any servant would dare to attack Archer and Saber like that."

"...God it was really part of your plan...you're a fucking sociopath!"

"Tohsaka focus. You can take the ticket for the list of who wants to punch me once we are done here"  
I retored emotionless looking at Emiya trying to cut Sieg's forearms.

I knew those movements, Emiya was moving just like me... if I was retarded and high as balls... but yes the moves Emiya was using were indeed all mine.

"The question doesn't end here Hikigaya. Anyway Assassin started shooting with some kind of rifle, he managed to slightly injure Archer, then he stuck on my wrist this watch and attacked Saber; she had just moved to protect Shiro and couldn't swing her sword properly without getting him hurt, Assassin noticed that and went for the throat with a pink sword"

"Please don't tell me Emiya meat shielded her"

"..."

"OH Com'on!"

"He threw himself in front of the sword, but he parried the strike with the dagger you gave him and exchanged enough blows with Assassin to let Saber and Archer re-group."

"How?"

"I don't know, he said something along the lines of: it's not me using the dagger, it's the dagger that's using me. The mayor problem was that Assassin told us this clock was a bomb and it would detonate unless I did 10000 in five minutes or he gave a remote signal. He began running chased by Saber and Archer, haven't seen them since"

Hearing those words... I blinked... and blinked again.

"You fell for his bluff"  
I deadpanned so hard my face could be put in a dictionary instead of the word deadpan.

"WHICH BLUFF! This thing emits mana and is sticked to my arm"  
Retorted Tohsaka blushing in a mad rage.

"THERE IS WRITTEN MADE IN CHINA ON THAT PLASTIC THING!"  
I said exasperated, wasn't this girl supposed to be smart

"What?"

"Look on the side there is written :"Boom Boom clock" made in cina"

"Maybe it started as a toy but I repeat It's sticked to my wrist and has a mana signature"

"Oh for fuck's sake, smell the watch"

"what?"

"Smell the damn watch"

* _sniff_

"This is..."

"Blood and glue, basic trick of relics fraud. Blood release mana, glue corrupt blood's identification and it stick, that thing is harmless and probably have been made less than an half hour ago"  
I said patting away Einzbern.

"He fooled me"  
Gasped Tohsaka while her face froze.

"He didn't want to fool you, he wanted to trick Archer and Saber"  
I stated moving from the spine to my hand one of the two black keys I had left.

"But why? Assassin grouped together Archer, Saber and Berserker he can't beat them alone"  
Whispered Einzbern.

"Unless he has allies"  
Responded Rin Tohsaka staring at her command seals.  
She was pondering if summoning back Archer or not.

"No... no it can't be, the whole battle between Assassin, the other Master right there ,Sieg, and I started casually."

"Are you sure brat? Can you tell me you are 100% sure he won't have any allies?"

 _"...don't call me brat,*mumble* creep_ *mumble*... I mean no.. I can't be sure"

"Well, we assume he has allies. Don't summon back your servants, it could turn this whole situation in a one sided massacre, if you can, just tell them not to get past Fuyuki's central station."  
I commanded building up what little mana I had left.

Summon a servant back in this precise moment would be too great of a gamble: I had no guarantee the servants left behind won't be ambushed or that once Sieg had been defeated by Archer or Berserker, their respective Master won't try something funny to eliminate another contestant in this war.

And to avoid the idea even crossed their minds I had to immediately sway their attention.  
"What about Assassin any idea about his identity, have you seen his stats?"  
I asked starting to seal the hole in my belly with holy metal.

Hearing my words the two girls immediately shocked and their eyes glittered in a mix of surprise, curiosity, disgust and excitement.

Fun trivia; the combination of an intellectual challenge and gore is the perfect method to distract a Magus.

"ah easy like staring at Yuigahama's yuigahamas...God remove this shit is going to hurt"  
I thought while tiny blades sewed my skin together.

"I didn't have the time to check them, Einzbern, you have seen Assassin longer, did you get any of them?"  
Asked the twin tailed Magus.

"I managed to see them, but every single stat seemed wrong... they were all too... average. In regard of his identity I wouldn't put my finger anywhere, he seemed Asiatic, however he kept using modern tools or other things that to my knowledge don't belong to any mythology"  
Retorted the tiny girl leaving two grave thoughts in my mind.

1 Assassin could have been a servant born within the last 50 years.  
2 Assassin had already been in this time long enough to adapt to current technology.

The second one was more likely, but it was also the most worrying. I didn't want to deal with an heroic spirit that understand how explosives works!

* **BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  
** A blazing explosion roared in Fuyuki.

Still if the truthful hypothesis were to be the first one... I had exactly 27 suspects.

"... Assassin might be a snake..."  
I whispered pushing myself back on my feet.

"A snake?"  
Said Einzbern slightly tilting her head; it was kind of precious how she managed to look so child-like even with her clothes burned and stained of blood.

"Hikigaya, what are you saying"

"Nothing... just talking with myself..."  
I grunted to the two girls shifiting my attention on Emiya and Sieg.

* * *

From the moment I had lost my focus on the fight of the two masters, the situation had progressively got worse, as I had predicted Sieg had quickly adapted to the amateurish blade-play of Emiya. The red haired teenager that at first managed to even land a few blows now was barely holding up against the homunculus; various bruises painted all the face of my landlord while his overall foot-work and stance had become a terrible imitation of what they have been.

"Tohsaka do you have a clear shot with any of your spells"  
I asked after Emiya received a hard blow on his ribs.

"No, I might end up hitting Emiya-kun"

"Didn't you started calling him shiro? Uh FOCUS HACHIMAN FOCUS. Einzbern same question do you have a clear shot?"  
I questioned the other magus present after nearly losing myself in a trashy sub-plot.

"nothing quick enough to be useful"

Perfect these two were useless!

"dammit I hate dealing with this stuff..."  
I sighed leaving them confused.

"fuuu"  
I Closed my eyes for a moment, _*thun_ and for a blissful instant * _thun_ the beat of my own heart was the only thing that mattered.

Sharp

Understanding my will the black key on my neck flowed on my right hand, while the other on my left one started to pour out little amounts of holy metal.

Lethal

In a few seconds three thin blades formed in my left hand and on each of them a complicate pattern of runes covered their surface.

"...I really hope this one is the right pre-casted code"  
I thought opening my eyes again.

However after I returned to stare the outer world, I was immediately tempted to close them back. Why you ask? Well becuase in the time of what? 30 seconds? Emiya's situation had gotten even worse than before.

At this point Sieg was simply overwhelming my landlord, he saw through any move Emiya might have attempted to make and even the slightest opening was enough for him to land some hard blows.

Like right now! Emiya's guard was off of a few centimeters.

* _punch_  
"Ugh!"  
* _kick  
_ "GHA!"  
 _*headbutt  
"Christ"_

 _Uh three consecutive strikes that must have hurt!_

"Hikigaya throw those damn things, Shiro is getting crushed"  
Roared Tohsaka in an emotional rush of worry and anger... pretty sure Emya caused the first emotion and I the second one.

"Not yet"  
I whispered back emotionless as Emiya suffered other six blows to his joints.

Luckily enough Sieg wasn't trying to kill him, but every single hit was meant to damage bones and tendons... probably now Emiya was just standing out of will power.

"...AH I'm going"  
Shouted Tohsaka unable to keep looking that one sided massacre.

Fucking teenagers. Without any hesitation I forthwith sent my elbow crushing on the twin tailed magus nose.  
* _crack  
_ "AH!"  
A gush of blood came out from her nose while she fell on the ground.

"Do. Not. Move. Your. Ass. Get again in my aim line and I break your ankle next time"  
I grunted as menacing as I could without bothering to look at her. I already knew how spite looked like.

But I didn't care.

"If you want emotional decisions don't do it when it will get yourself killed... If you can't stand something close your eyes, if you can't look Emiya suffering move your gaze away and if you can't stand that idiot dying do not get in my aim line."

If I had to be the bad guy to achieve the best result.

"Now fall back and prepare your best defensive spell, same goes for you Einzbern if that freak decide to use another spell of of high magnitude we're screwed"

I wouldn't mind become **all the world evil.**

"..."

Still.

"I know you don't trust me"

Just being the bad guy won't ever be enough.

"I know that right now I'm the dangerous unknown"

I learned that at dear precise, much more times than I wanted.

"but just this once believe me "

Sovereigns wish to be loved or feared.

"because"

I don't.

"I'm going to believe in you"

I wish to understand and be understood.

"my life is in your hands"

I wish to trust and be trusted.

* * *

Twisting my muscles with all the power possible, I threw the blades in the exact moment Sieg had finally pushed Emiya on the ground.

Three bluish arc painted the night as I kicked the ground with all the strength I had left. The cold metal that sealed my belly and throat made me shiver, however it was those chills that kept my mind clear as I got closer to Emiya and Sieg step after step.

And now it was all or nothing.

"Emiya scheme forty six"  
I shouted doing a terrible act of faith.

I was throwing away my surprise effect and a lot of precious air to make a bet: Emiya had been able to extract memories from my dagger, but how deep was this process?  
Well I _was about to discover it the hard way.  
_ Upon hearing my words Emiya's golden eyes half covered in blood widened, I couldn't tell if it was a good or a bad sign, yet at this point I could only hope for the best and convey one last message moving my lips:

 _I trust you_

To be fair I wasn't sure Emiya was able to lip read, but after his eyes nearly popped out of his skull, and he performed an half assetted nod... I got my answer.

"Oh I'm going to regret this."

With their sharp whistles my blades caught Sieg's attention making him immediately jump away from their trajectories.  
*THIIIN THIN THINNNN  
The three sharp pieces of metal sunk in the ground tracing a sliver line between the two Masters; now I had the second I needed to start the scheme 46 otherwise known as the "Who the hell thought this thing it's crazy! Let's never add it to the schemes list even if it means go from 45 to 47". What can I tell? Extreme times require extreme solutions and given Sieg's training I supposed this one... was the only maneuver he wouldn't know.

With a wide jump I reached Emiya. He outstretched one arm. Our stares crossed. Gold and silver irises mirrored one...then I grabbed my landlord's hand and threw him like an oversized olympic hammer.

"EMIYA GO!"

Gasping a surprised  
"what the He-"  
Sieg barely ducked under a flying teenager armed with dagger.

Ahaha scheme 46 a very bad idea that consisted in throwing an ally at the enemy ,hoping he doesn't get sliced, shoot, punched or abused (yeah the crush test of this scheme were quite a show) and then begin a two sided assault.  
Needless to say it was 9 out of 10 suicidal... but this one time, that damn 9 could screw up itself.

After surpassing Sieg, Emiya landed perfectly and in the blink of an eye he charged at the homunculus.  
"IT'S ACTUALLY WORKING!"  
I mentally screamed doing the same rising my metal covered fists.

We had caught in a vice Sieg, we got the high ground now there was one thing left to do... beat the crap out of him.

* * *

(8man)"ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA"

(weebmunculus) "MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA MUDA"

(normie) "...what are shouting these two"

* * *

In a mad rush of punches, kicks and slashes Emiya and I engaged Sieg in a merciless assault. Finally we managed to land some hits on the homunculus, sure none of our blows was a winning one, but it was only question of time: he was tired and unable to move away.

Or so I dared to believe.

"Com'on harem protagonist one last push"  
I thought observing and adapting to Emiya's pattern.

Neck.  
Stomach.  
Knee.  
Hip.  
Hip.  
Neck.

Goddamit! He was far too naive! All those strikes could be anticipated without even looking!  
No seriously, Sieg had even stopped looking at my landlord... he ducked all his damn blows like they were nothing and focused only on me.

"Stupid overtrained artificial riajuu!"  
I cursed speeding up my assault.

RHAAAAAA! Scapula, ribs, trachea, sternum, trachea, humerus, other humerus, radius, patella, carotid artery; each of these body parts became a target I had to crush.

GOSH THIS DUDE'S SKILLS MADE ME FURIOUS!

...I I had a plan of course, but I truly wanted to finish the fight here without further machinations. I wanted to beat this ass and prove once for all he wasn't truly trained as an Oroboro member.

Yet he kept deflecting my blows with perfect startegy and danced through Emiya's slices like they weren't even there...

On a pure martial level Sieg was among the best foes I ever faced.

"No...Sieg's simply the best."  
I realized while time slowed down.

I couldn't believe it.

"even with all the sign were in front of me."  
I thought looking Sieg dodging the nth Emiya's thrust.

Levi's raw strength, Kyotaka's efficiency, Kasumi's sensibility, Ashua's speed and my ruthlessness.  
All the best qualities of the most skilled fighters in Oroboro were intergrant part of this homunculus.

I could see the it clearly as he: punched Emiya's chest fracturing a few bones, avoided of a paper thin space a throat stab, striked the pressure point on my landlord's forearm to disarming him, erased his footing with a low kick and grabbed his face saying.  
"Shiro Emiya, you're too implusive, inexperienced and repetitive try more low slashes"

Yup there was definitely some Hachiman in that realist senseish speech.

"Or simply give up"  
*throw

"And There's a lot of Hachiman in throwing him at me!"  
I metally screamed looking at my beat up lanlord flying towards me.

Projectile: Emiya Shiro (ally)  
Target: me  
Strategy: Dodge.  
Result: Shitty harem protagonist on retreat route, possible pants revealing fall, creation of enough material for a doujin.

...  
*ABORT*

New strategy: Redirect Emiya towards previously thrown blades and hope the idiot will figure out what to do once the precasted spell activate.  
Result: victory 45%, loss 51%, 4% draw.

"...Ugh I should have truly renewed my life insurance"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAA"  
Screamed the auburn teenager while I grabbed and tossed him away like a baket ball.

"Sorry Emiya"  
I whispered as he rushed on the ground and Sieg dashed to kick my face.

Diving laterally I barely avoided to have my jaw broken. I fell in the dirt my muscles ached like there was no tomorrow in my head doubts and refelctions crowded my already oversatured mind.  
At this point I was 100000% sure Sieg was like an Oroboro, but I had to ask a question. How? How was it possible he was at a level so advanced of skill. I can imagine information leaked for some reason and that someone tried to learn Ororboro's fighting style, but Sieg's skill had years of practice... the whole orgainization didn't exist until 9 years ago and all the techniques had been constantly renifed through the years.

Even if Assassin was to be... to be one of my misfits... there'd be no time to train this homunculus to such a deep extent.

"This whole situation doesn't make sense"  
I thought stading up from the ground and landing an uppercut on my opponent's ribs.

"Gah!"  
He coughed a bit of blood and stumbled away from me.

Christ we were both a bloody mess. It was difficult to breathe and the metal in my belly hurted, but from somewhere deep in my guts a bubbling smile surged and cracking out on my face it forced me to ask.  
"Hey Sieg-san...Brat, Rookie, Ultra, or High-councilor?"

* * *

 _Now to overdramatize this last stattement let me explain in Oroboro there are 4 general levels: **Brat** , **Rookie** , **Ultra** **High-c** **ouncilor.**_

 _(Those with I.Q higher than 2000 have realized this system acronym is **B.R.U.H.** )_

 _ **Brat** is the ultra-base level, someone that just got scouted starts running through tests, training and reaches an univeristy degree in something, in all the mission he or she takes part to are supervisionated. Also to "level up" An entire month of training with me is required. _  
_**Rookie** is the normal level, training is over, you're a full fledged member of Oroboro with tattoos and access to all facilities, missions can be done in solo._

 _At this point there's the jump in quality_

 _ **Ultra** is the experienced level, basically you're now the boss: shadow companies, facilities, operation and scouting can be run by you and with "can" I mean MOVE YOUR ASSES I WON'T PAMPER YOU FOREVER! _

_And then... **High-councilor.** To reach this level you must be the best in something, enstablish a new branch of Oroboro or wait for the councilor of your expertize area to die. It's known as the most thankless work ever._

 _You only get to deal with the most troublesome st_ _uff and have to clean after an entire organization of problem children..._

 _To summarize if Brats can organize a terroristic attack, Rookies a revolution and Ultra start the third world war... High councilors can win it._

 _So people on High-council levels are basically living doomstay devices._

* * *

" Technically a Brat... I never got the tattoos"  
Gasped the homunculus catching breath.

"I see... and pratically?"  
I grunted throwing a quick stare behind Sieg...

"Good...keep going, you're good with that thing right?"  
I thought relieved since for one damn time tonight one of my plans was going to work properly.

"I'd say High-councelor"

"Aren't you overstepping a bit Sieg-san? You can put on fight, but High-councelors are not someones that can only raise their fists"  
I remarked scratching my chin...Uh I needed to buy a few seconds extra.

"... first time I heard 'bout that...I always thought you guys put in power those with the most dangerous ideas"

"Wha!?... You build one vulcano base and everybody thinks you have dangerous ideas, is it my fault if the air conditioning system gets too cold and some genius decide to open a window!... So much equipment burned"

"why there was a window in the first place might be a good question?"

"Shut up! What do you know about dealing with problem childen?"

"A problem old man and wife are also valid?"

"No at best they can ask you how to use Facebook"

"Taiwan, two months ago"

"...Holy shit... that was you? How did you stuff that safe with expired cereals?"

"To be fair I'm not sure, I remember the evening, the morning and then different incriminating selfies... I guess that's what always happen when my wife gets drunk."  
He shrugged like the outrageous words he just prononuced weren't his own.

This guy nearly caused an international crisis! Ara? Why was my hand going up for an high five? Stop Stop! Okay Good back in business.

"...you're by far the weirdest homunculus I have ever seen"  
I stated half chukling, Nijito was right... this guy was interesting... the kind of person you'd share a tea with talk, discover his waifu is trash and start to hate forever... yeah exactly that kind of guy.

"I'll take that as a compliment"  
he replied emotionless.

"Oh it is a compliment, better weird than a sentient coffee maker"

"Your sweet talk could use some work"

"So your personality"

"I wasn't supposed to have one"

"eh... dammit... you can't just use these painfully honest remarks, give me something to insult you back with"

"...why? You aren't creative enough to make new insults up"

"see that's what I'm talking about, and just to let you know I'm soo creative your shoulder will hurt like a bitch in a second."  
I said pointing at the homuculus.

"Wha-*sunk AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"  
An arrow suddenly pierced though Sieg's left shoulder.

"Look, that in your shoulder is my creativity, the result of acting as a decoy while a fucking Riajuu took all the glory"  
I said looking several meters behind the homunculus where a the bloodied and breathless teenager that was barely able to stand holding in his hand a silverish bow that randomly sent around sparks of power.

Just wow not only I had dared to use yet another cheap trick to win, but I even had to implement Emiya: the three blades I threw before were a pre-casted spell meant to become a bow and an arrow. They were my back up plan if Sieg had released some kind of spell to send me or Emiya flying during our close ranged confrontation...

God I was almost scared that I had needed the back-up plan without Sieg using some magic... Besides wasn't this guy supposed to faint? I mean he was exausted when we began fighting and now he was still going?

"THAT'S BULLSHIT, THIS DUDE IS PULLING A NAMECK HERE!"  
I thought dashing towards Sieg.

All the ground shattered under my feet, in the blink of an eye reached my opponent and then with all my strength I sunk my elbow in his stomach.  
"Gha..."  
He gasped forcefully expelling all the air he had in his lungs.

Breathless and hurted the homunculus instictively tried to step away from me, but he was too slow. Restless as an hurricane I striked, striked and striked again the homunculus with my metal covered fists.

His clothes were tored apart, blue bruises surged on every single part of his body and countless drops of saliva and blood reached my face.

"You know why you're an Ultra at best?"  
I asked landing a direct on the face.

"You lack envy, you lack fear, you lack humiliation , you lack every disgusting aspect that forces me to enter in your mind and understand why do you fight. For who do you fight. How desperate you can get. And... How ruthless you'll become... Homunculus you're strong, but that strenght never let you feel the taste of the mud"  
I said smashing into bits Sieg's ribs, thick blood fell off his mouth and with just a leg swept he crushed on the ground.

(*thiiinnnn  
 _a quiet sound escaped from Sieg's chest but I didn't bother.)_

"You don't understand how's the bottom"  
I whispered looking him from above, using a voice that... that was almost pitying the artificial human.

"And that's why you'll never reach the top"

 _fuuu*_ I forced the metal around my right hand to become a spike and without no more words I just thrusted it in Sieg's belly.

*waaa  
With a wet sound my weapon pierced through the homunculus' guts, I expected him to scream, to attempt one last explosive spell to carbonize my arm; but instead he...  
"ah aha aha"  
Chukled dry.

"I don't know how the bottom is?"  
Asked Sieg emotionless while his face twisted in an expression between rage and mirth.  
"I have never tasted the mud?"  
He asked again as all the blood on his clothes and even on my face started to glow.

"What's going on?"  
I thought trying to retract my metal arm.

Yes trying, before I could break free Sieg He had grabbed my forearm. His hand had begun to carve the holy steel and his crimson eyes seemed to glow. Our stares crossed, I knew bad news were coming, yet as the homunculs started rising up his torso even if it meant have my spike sink even deeper in his flesh, I found myself unable to move oddly capted by this bloody spectacle.

Sieg's mouth reached the level of my ear, his breathing was horrible and his whole body was shaking.  
I almost missed the first few words he pronounced.

"Don't give me this crap"  
He said so softly it was barely udible.

"For the last five years I lived with the awareness one day I'd have to fight this war"

All his blood started to glow even brighter.

"For the last year I woke up every day scared that the person I love the most would just disappear"

Crimson bolts of mana began to surround us.

"For an entire life I knew I didn't have a purpose, that every breath was a blessing and that I'd never meant something important to the person I respect the most"

An incredible amount of energy accumulated around Sieg.

"This's bad this's bad"  
I thought piercing the homunculus's belly with another spike.

"if that doesn't taste like mud"  
He kept speaking as if I didn't just pierced his stomach.

"I don't know what it does"  
" **Morgendämmerung des Drachen** "  
(Dawn of the dragon)

* * *

The ground under my feet shattered to make space to a colossal pair of crimson jaws, all Sieg's blood drops I had on my face began to boil, it hurted, hell if it hurted, I immediately began pulling to set free my arms, but the homunculus kept me immobile sinking his magically reinforced fingers in my forearms.

"Shit shit shit"  
I muttered franatically while burning pain exploded all over my limbs and the crimson jaws were getting closer.

AH Help anyone I needed help, I didn't want to become a really awesome snack for some stomachless dragon head!

Emiya's voice suddenly bursted in my ears.  
"Hikigaya!"

...yuppy...Emiya... ehm AH Help anyone (possibly not Emiya) I needed help, I didn't want to become a really awesome snack for some stomachless dragon head!

"No, com'on it can end up like this I have still too many thinks to do like...uh...ah wow my head is completely empty"  
I thought expecting to see my life run in front of my eyes...just to receive some error 404.

"How disappointing"  
I whispered ready to explode in a shapeless mass of pain magic and stay in the skeleton from for...a week, maybe two.

Geez I really hoped all the civilians were going to be moved out before I reduced everything to ashes... or met a servant able to take me down.

The last second before I remained trapped in that colossal bear trap two thin arrows pierced through Sieg's wrists. Crimson drops filled the air, while a voice surrounded by blue bolts ran all the way to my ears.  
"DON'T DIE ON ME YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE"

"Dammit Emiya... I can never get a break around you"

Making use of the opening Emiya gifted me I disassembled the metal spikes around my arms and pulled with every single ounce of strength I had left.

*QUANC

With a wet sound ripped out Sieg's grasp my forearms leaving behind various chucks of flesh, at this point the pain should have been unbearable, yet I was so focused on staying alive (ah ah oh ye) that I only felt the warmth of my blood flowing out of my body. I pushed my feet on the ground trying to jump out from the jaws, however as tired as I was... I wouldn't have been able to make it out in one piece.

"Which foot do I hate the most, left or right?"  
I asked myself thinking about how much fun Winry was going to have to make me an Automail.  
I was going to decide, left because it was the foot that was more likely to smash against the furniture.

Yet while I was jumping away from the homunculi two silver birds bind a string around my wrists and carried me away.

"Einzbern familiars... that little she lied! I believed she had nothing so fast"  
I whispered staring at a tiny girl far away from me.

Enveloped in half burnt clothing and nearly unable to stand Illyasviel von Einzbern was controlling these two creature pushing hwr concentration to the uttermost limit. She had to make the familias strong enough to carry me yet delicate enough not to tore apart my arms.

"Christ why am I getting so much help today"  
I said landing near Emiya who had collapsed on the ground.

The sleeve of his left arm was all broken and casual bolts of mana kept popping around.  
"Emiya what have you done?"  
I asked putting my right arm under his to have him stand.

"I Projected other two arrows, but air gradation wasn't enough so I had to improvise"  
Retorted the auburn boy barely able to hold up his own weight.

"Have we won?"  
Asked him throwing a quick glance to Sieg that was slowly standing up as well.

The homunculus kept coughing blood as he moved his hands on the two metal spikes I had left in his body.  
"Logic path(Straße)/open(gehen)"  
Releasing a tiny amount of simple blue mana manipulated the Holy steel I had controlled until a second ago, to shape it in the perfect way to keep functional blood vessels and organs.

"No we haven't won at all, we have to run!"  
I said shoving Emiya on my shoulder and starting to run like a person desperate to survive.

Who I was oddly enough.

The scenario I wanted to avoid the most was arriving.

Sieg was healing and completely defended by the dragon head around himself, Emiya was practically down, I was injured and Nothung was just a few steps away from the homunculus.

That meant a single thing.

"NOBLE PHANTASM INCOMING, TOHSAKA EMERALD BARRIER OR SOMETHING! EINZBERN TURN THERE BIRDS IN SOME KIND OF DAGGERS"  
I shouted like a mad man throwing Emiya in their direction while Sieg created a red tentacle out of the dragon head to grab his sword crystal sword.

"Shit shit shit. That's a the last change I got!"  
I thought turning my heels while the two little birds around my wrists turned in to two little swords.

"Oi I asked for daggers not short-swords!"  
I grunted disappointed

"I can't improvise a design on spot!"  
Pouted the girl.

"Whatever"  
I said in the exact moment Sieg got his hands back on Nothung.

At this point Sieg was around a hundred meters away from Tohsaka and co. while I was about 20 meters from them. If everything played out as I expected Sieg'd try to take all of us down at he same moment unleashing his noble phantasm, given how fast this dude improved I'd say this time the power was going to be around level C- and that meant there was no way Tohsaka and Einzbern could endure the assault of those crystals for more than ten seconds.

"So there's only a possible solution"  
I said stopping turning my heels to look the homunculus the eyes.

* * *

"What the hell is he doing! Why isn't he taking cover? Tohsaka why isn't he taking cover!"

"Shiro calm down, Hikigaya isn't taking cover because there's no cover"

"What?"

"So you realized it yourself, Rin."

"Girls what are you two talking about?"

"Hikigaya asked Rin and I to prepare defensive spells, but"

"We can't handle for long what's coming so..."

"... he'll try to pass through that maze of crystals, while we stay here"

* * *

"Okay 80 meters of death, nothing more, nothing less...again why the hell I didn't do something smarter than coming in Fuyuki? Like shooting my foot...that would have been thousands of time less painful... right rags of my forearms?"  
I asked lowering my legs.

If I wanted to do it right I had to be fast, incredibly fast ridiculously fast and start moving only after the attack had started otherwise he could focus only on me and I was as good as dead.  
With a deep breath I squeezed out the two black keys on my arms the last pieces of holy metal to completely envelop my arms. The tiny twin swords Einzbern made for me were probably going to last a few hits at best, probably the best thing would have been tossing them as throwaway weapons, but I wasn't sure how many basic laws of physics worked on them... so no flying blades.

"One last time... surrender"  
Said Sieg making the dragon head around him, turn into a chinese like dragon that began to dance around Nothung.

...

* * *

 _the magical adventure of brain-kun_

"He progressed faster than expected"

"..."

"We are screwed"

"..."

"Like way more screwed than before "

"SHUT UP!"

* * *

"...For the last time... Fuck you"  
I retorted trying stay more coherent than smart.

"as you wish GHA!"  
Suddenly screamed the homunculus as a greenish-blue scar began to glow on his chest and face.

"...uh ahaha! FUCKING FINALLY spamming all those spells finally activated some draw back, dammit took long enough"  
I grinned like a mad bastard watching as while the natural power of the homunculus rebelled against the dragonic one.

Many types of magecrafth could coexist in the body of a Magus however if something when said types held great power there was the risk that they started to clash against one another. Usually Magi tended to specialize in certain areas that were more or less compatible: Alchemy and Reinforcement for example, yet when a Magus dared to use dragonic magic, or any particular magic bounded to a race or to spirits... then he or she had to pledge all his life to that one type of magic.

"Trying to use more is a suicide"  
I whispered under Sieg's screaming.

"GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

The homunculus bent backwards releasing blue and crimson bolts all over the place, Nothung began to shift back and forth to the form of another great sword I didn't recognize, while a glowing rectangle of the dimension of a card stared to glow of pure white on Sieg's chest.

To be fair I wasn't exactly sure this was supposed to happen, I expected something less flashy and more sheer heart attacking... because not to be picky of course, but it seemed Sieg possessed another crazy type of magic able to equal out the dragoinc one... and since that would be incredibly lucky for him and incredibly terrible for me... I truly hoped to be wrong. I mean how many chances there are that two powerful and opposite energies resided inside one body... ehe that would be over plot-armor, it would be like Ichigo at the end of Bleach.

An insane cocktail of powers that weren't supposed to mix between one another.

"ahah there's no way it's going to happen here and now"  
I said terribly slowly feeling a bitter taste in my mouth.

My life truly sucked.

* ** _TTTWWWWWWWAAAAANNNNNNNN_**

With a thundering sound red and blue lightnings fused in violet mess, the shape of a dragon and of a man started to dance around Sieg spinning faster and faster until they looked just like a glowing ring.

I had no idea of what was going on, and after looking at the astonished faces of Tohsaka, Einzbern and Emiya I realized I wasn't the only one.

Something big was going on here and probably the most natural course of action here would have been runnig away, yet I couldn't move the electric signals of this violet light show was overcharging all my senses grounding me on the spot.

I couldn't move even if my life had depended on it.

Sieg's screams suddenly ceased and all that power got sucked inside the white rectangle on his chest. Nothung shattered in thousands of pieces and returned back together in the shape of a katana.

Maybe it was finally over.

"arf arf... God I'll make those two pay a rent"  
Groaned Sieg before the rectangle hidden in his clothes began to glow again this time of deep purple.

 **"INSTALL SABER CARD**  
 **SIEGFRIEND**  
 **FAFNIR"**

Or maybe not?

* * *

Multiple feelings crossed my mind as Sieg returned to look like a demon... no it was nothing like before. When I first met him the homunculus looked like a mad beast, now he seemed more collected: his skin was tanned, a glowing scar covered good part of his chest and face, while horns fangs and claws looked less stubby and more sharp than before.

"ffffffuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkkk"  
I groaned overwhelmed by the magical pressure of this dude...he... he truly looked like a servant.

A servant a bit cringy since he looked like some dragon-surfist-hybrid.

"Sorry for the wait, run into some technical issues"  
Exhaled Sieg making a conscious effort to speak every word.

Trebling he held his katana in front of his chest and let purple bolts envelop the weapon until it began dividing in two separate swords.

They were smaller than before, but I could still recognize one of them: it was Nothung.

With bolts of purple power were swirling around the homunculus it seemed like he was ready to explode... he had to get rid of all that energy before it became to unstable to hold.

The tiny Nothung began to shine ominous the chinese dragon had returned to dance around the blade and at this point I was pretty sure the next attack wouldn't have been less than a B level.

... Hikigaya Hachiman last wishes: Komachi-chan please delete my browser history, Oni-chan always loves you, Dad Mom some shady guys will arrive and burn my room let them do it, there's too much confidential stuff in that tiny place.  
Kyo, don't touch my stuff, Levi don't touch my stuff all Oroboro don't touch my stuff just put everything in my grave. Thank you.

P.S. Ashua I'm the one who stole your shampoo sorry I had too many split ends.

"Fucking consecutive power ups!"  
I groaned looking at my opponent he was ready to leave all of us half dead.

 **Roar,**

"Now what am I supposed to do? Maybe I can dodge but the other three are screwed, think Hachiman think dammit"

 **guardian dragon**

"...arf..there's no other way"  
I whispered glancing at the three Masters behind my back. They were scared, hurt, but most importantly i couldn't ditch them otherwise I'd feel bad.

Dammit I have to stick to the original plan win...geez what a good freaking grief.

"I know that it might overstrain your little brain"  
I said surrendering to my fate.  
"But please come out with something to do after I survive or die, think of it like chess, this time you're the king and I'm the sacrificial pawn."  
I had to risk everything.  
"Oh and before I forget it, Einzbern don't kill Emiya, apparently you don't like him, but give me a break please"

And prepare my last back-up.

 **Nothung"**

* * *

Slicing empty air Sieg summoned his noble phantasm. The dragon moving around Nothung suddenly grew to the size of a bulldozer and started to fly towards me with its mouth open. Everywhere it passed, crimson fangs of crystal surged from the ground and from them a swarm of scarlet bullets.

The pattern used by the crystal was always the same, however the speed was completely on another level and the bullets reduced my mobility.

"Dammit"  
I thought slashing through all crystal projectiles coming in my direction with Einzbern's familiars.

Silver arcs and red shards flew all over the place, the whole set of crimson bullet wasn't that dangerous per se, the trajectories were easy to understand and there wasn't any real power to push them, I suspected they weren't even meant to a form of attack. However their presence stopped me from running and most importantly kept weakening Tohsaka's emerald shield and Einzebern's...weird glowy thing?

At this pace we're all doomed. Or to be more precise I was going to be seriously messed up and the other three were sooo dead.

"Com'on brain think about something!"  
I thought cutting in half a crystal.

* * *

 _the magical adventures of brain-kun._

"Don't you dare drop this on me, in these cases all our folders say "BLOW EVERYTHING UP!" BUT NOOOOOO you had to fuck up all your magic circuits, and dry up all the mana."

"So..."

"So! you expect a solution different from "and everybody died" after hearing what I said?!"

"That would be the plan"

"I hate **me** so much... two options: Go berserker and hope everything works out, or see what that guy wants."

"Guy? Which guy!"

"That one that is trying to break in your head since you wore this coat"

"...Ara?"

"You didn't notice?"

"I wasn't exactly in my top condition..."

"Do I let him in?"

"yeah.. it's been a while since we last had a pained spirit, serve him tea or something"

"Aye"

"What's the guy's name?"

"Kiritsugu Emiya"

"Oh..."

* * *

"Uhuhahahahahahahah. Now comes the final cut-scene"  
I grinned pushing my body to its limit to cut down every damn crystal in coming my direction.

The coat I had borrowed started to move on his own like a drop of ink in the water, while the bolts of energy of what remained of a pained soul surrounded me.

At this point I was nothing more than a proxy a channel that allowed a stupid man that had died a long time ago to do one last thing in this world.

" **cornibus proelium responsum** "  
(answer the horns of battle)

With what little voce I had left in my throat I chanted a spell meant to summon entire armies just for one person.

 **"milites heroes, victimae, iungere meis."  
** (soldiers, heroes, victims, join me by my side.)

The life of a young boy grown up to become a machine passed through my mind.

 **"unlined tua gladii"**  
(draw your swords)

All his regrets, all the despair and the humilations that had kept his soul bounded to this earth till today were becoming part of me.

 **"conculcaverunt cum orbe terrarum bellum"  
** (trample the battlefield once again)

Were becoming the last bits of energy I needed to protect what remained of the family of an idiot that never understood what being an hero of justice meant.

Killing one to save ten... what a dumb thing.

 **"MANUS** **CLAMANTES"**  
(call to arms)

* * *

The moment I concluded the spell I felt my whole body ready to pop, my magic circuits were on the verge of popping, but hell I didn't care.

Sieg's dragon was practically in my face.  
But I didn't care.

Einzbern's familiar short swords exploded.  
I didn't care.

"Is there something you care about?"  
Asked the voice of an old man inside my head.

"Of course Emiya I care to win"  
I responded drawing from the coat Emiya Kiritsugu's family photo.  
"Do you?"  
I asked as the picture I held between two fingers began to glow of pure white.

"I wouldn't be here otherwise"

"Good then burn everything you got left!"  
I screamed dashing towards the dragon.

Trails of lightning were the only things I left behind. The picture in my hand started to fold itself until it looked like a rose.

It was _time_ to speed up.

" _Let's shuffle the cards_."" **Let's shuffle the cards**."

Kiritsuku's voce and mine mashed together.

" _Can you keep up with me?_ " **"Can you keep up with me?** "

I felt a stream of power flow across all my spine.

 **" _Chronos Rose_."**

The rose in my hand shattered and time slowed down.  
"Time alter Penta Accel".

I Jumped with all my strength inside the mouth of the dragon and dashed through a maze of endless spikes. It was insane even with this speed I borrowed I could barely keep up with that ever-changing crystals that assaulted me from every possible part.

"Com'on! Time alter Esa Accel"  
I screamed pushing this power further and beyond.

Turning in mad snake made of lighting I dashed through what remained of Sieg's noble phantasm in the fraction of a second. I bursted out from the dragon's tail in a could of crystal shards and mana.  
Sieg's eyes widened in surprise, his concentration faded and so his Noble phantasm, he swinged Nothung at me in a scorching ark but I managed to dodge the blade of a paper thin space before landing with all my strength a punch on his guts.

With all the speed I had acquired I should have shattered whatever remained of all his organs, however he was just pushed back of a few meters.

Something felt terribly off. Without giving Sieg the time to recover I dashed again against him to land a second blow, he was way less damaged than he should have been, in fact he promptly rose his second sword and swinged it against me saying.

"Bahalmung"

My instincts took control of my body forcing me to do the most dangerous limbo on the planet. I ducked at blanc point range a blaze of blue plasma and then punched again Sieg in the stomach with all my power.

He was pushed back one more time, and for the second time he didn't seem to receive damage.

"Shit the partial possession is nearly over"  
I thought starting my last assault.

Leaving defense aside I turned my metallic arms in two arm-blades and slashed at Sieg's shoulders, however the homunculus read through my moves and with his super-(artificial)human reflexes he... he cut them off using Nothung and Bahalmung.

I felt...nothing, literally nothing, those two were two empty shells I used as decoys

"Check"

Looking at Sieg gasping in surprise I revealed from under the coat my two real arms, with one gun in a hand I shot four quick bullets on Sieg's forehead.

As expected they bounced off, I managed to distract him and to press my hand on the metallic plates he used to patch up his body.

"Ghaaa"  
With a beastly roar I sent a bolt of mana in them making grown inside Sieg a hook and a chain of holy steel.

*Buwaaa  
He vomited blood.

I knew I had only a second left before collapsing, so I grabbed the chain hanging in Sieg's belly and used to throw him towards Emiya.

It was his job to do Check mate.

Suddenly the connection with Kiritsugu Emiya disappeared. I crushed on the ground, my bones cracked in thousands of pieces and my magic circuits fried opening uncountable wounds all over my body.

"I overdid again"  
I thought shaken by spasms.

* * *

What happened next was all fuzzy. I couldn't distinct shapes, sounds or voices, but the colors helped me understand what was going on.

After I threw Sieg he flew for about twenty meters, then a violet seal appeared above him and he got crushed on the ground.

Probably a gravity based jewel spell from Tohsaka. Then a light blue and a red falling star hit Sieg creating a vortex of fire around him, given their trajectories I was sure those "falling stars" were in reality arrow with a jewel fire and a wind instead of a point. At first I was like "Nice job Emiya...using fire against the dude that breathes fire, genius", but then I realized that fire tornado had only one objective: choke Sieg.

The magical combustion rapidly consumed all the air around the homunculus that found himself unable to breathe, grabbing his own throat Sieg rolled on the ground until he forcefully expelled all the purple magic in his body to destroy the fire vortex around him.

His swords returned back to be a single katana and all his draconig features disappeared.

One last attack arrived from my team's side: a single familiar spear made of pure light. Seeing that Sieg forced himself on his feet and aimed his katana towards the spear, I didn't know what did he wanted to do cut it? However little mattered because a third arrow shot by Emiya made the spear explode before the homunculus reached it.

Sieg was blown away. Unconscious he landed just a couple of meters from me.

Christ we had won. We had really won.

Ahahahahahahahah suck it overpowered meat doll no plot armor for you ahahahahahahah!

No jokes aside everyone did a pretty damn g-

"Good job"  
Said quiet a voice piercing through the hears of all the presents.

I couldn't distinct who the hell was he and I was barely able to tell he was speaking from somewhere high, maybe a light pole, but I knew this cold feeling of running through my whole spine.

"Assassin"  
I groaned on the verge of fainting.

"I see you youngsters kept up with my brat, impressive. Since we are all tired why don't we calm down and go to sleep it's been a long night for everybody, just look at this girl falling asleep while I was choking her, I bet she'd truly like to go in her futon"  
Said Assassin outside from my field of view, which girl was he talking about.

"BASTARD DROP SABER NOW!"  
Screamed the only personable to be so loud so late...yup Emiya.

"As you wish _*throw"_

Wait did he just drop Saber?

"Saber! * _diving-teenager-sounds"_

He did! And Emiya jumped to save her? I mean her? I was more worried for anything that was under that lady to be honest.

* _bang, bang_

Two shots resounded in the air.

"AAAAAAAAHRGGGGGGGG"  
"AAAAAAAAAHHRRRRRRRRRARRRRRRR"  
Confused screams filled my ears and at this point I could only think a thing

"Ahhhh! Why can't I see a thing?! Someone turn my neck please"

I was losing important action here.

"Uh no false alarm the action moved next to me"  
I thought as Assassin's military boots entered in my field of view

"Well good night kiddos me and my idiot Master have to go"  
Said Assassin delicately putting Sieg on his shoulders.

"Dammit the third draw in a day"  
I muttered bitter.

"Oh and since I am here I think I might take one of those girls"  
Added Assassin pointing his fingers towards Flat-chest-san and Leys-whatever.  
"Nothing personal Einzbern but, Heracles gave me too much headache, I need to make sure you won't break my balls for the next week 'kay"

"Oi what's with that speech creep "  
I spit on the servant full of spite.

I didn't nearly killed myself just to see somebody getting kidnapped, I wasn't Mario goddamnit.

"Ara? Still awake young man, I thought you had passed out for good?"  
Asked Assassin moving closer to me.

"Not yet, people around are so noisy"  
I responded nearly choking in my own words, speaking was so tiring.

Assassin rose his foot and moved above my head.  
"Then"

Oh he was going to stomp on me wasn't he?

"let me help you"

"Of fucking course"  
I thought rising my arm to protect my head.

I expected to feel my fingers pop under the raw power of the servant, yet something weird happened, the moment the boot collided with my hand I felt a regenerating spark run through my magic circuits.

"Uh what the hell?"  
I thought as Assassin made a few steps away from me.

In his eyes a purple "VIII" was glinting faint, his expression was unreadable.

"I see a new path, aha that's going to be a mess"  
Chuckled him before disappearing.

The next thing I knew was that I had fainted.

* * *

"So your family is safe, happy now Emiya?"

" _You have my deepest thanks"_

"Don't sweat over it, it was thanks to your power I managed to avoid going berserker, let's call it even"

" _... fine"_

"..."

".. _.Hikigaya why didn't you kill the homunculus? With your last move you could have pierced his heart_ "

"Kill one to save three"

"..."

"You see Magus killer in my line of work I do not trade lives, I don't do proportions, I make investments, I save one so he'll save two, I save ten so they'll save a hundred... Sieg isn't evil he just happened to be on a different side."

" _mercy is a dangerous answer"_

"mercy is never the wrong answer, even though cutting off a limb or two can be useful"

" _Even if a person truly deserved to die_."

"Nobody deserve death, nobody deserve the easy road... But everybody deserve to live with the weight of their mistakes on their back. At that point whenever they decide to shoot themselves or try to atone is not my business"

"... _you're truly a peculiar individual I wish we had met sooner"_

"Believe me you don't I'm pleasant only until I don't start pointing out your mistakes"

" _for example?"_

"Which idiot doesn't take skydiving equipment on an air plane mission?"

 _"_...ah now I see what you meant"

"Right"

"..."

"Uhm shouldn't you like get going? At this point I'm the only thing that's keeping anchored your soul here"

" _... about that..."_

 _"W_ hat?"

" _I was cursed"_

"Yeah? And so what were supposed to haunt your house or something"

 _"not quite"_

"... talk magus killer"

" _I had been cursed with the end of last holy grail war, for years my body got slowly and painfully corrupted...until I died"_

"Seems pretty standard to me"

" _But then my soul remained bounded to the house and for years now my spirit had been confined inside my room"_

"Okay weird my sole presence was enough to break this condition, but that's not the first time it happened... now you're free get going"

" _I can't_ "

"Ara?"

" _My curse was meant to make me suffer until the everything I ever loved disappeared_ "

* * *

Next morning

"Ugwa! I hate spirit free loaders"  
I yawned as first action of saturday morning.

Yeah it was finally saturday. I was still injured covered in bandages like a mummy but still alive.

"maybe today I'll be quieter"  
I muttered before realizing there was something attached to me.

A tiny girl to be precise.

"Why the hell is Einzbern here?"  
I gasped looking at the homunculus hugging my tummy...eeeeeeeeehm ehm

Still no FBI around.

"Perfect"  
I thought slowly stretching my hands to the side of the futon.

Now I had only to press my hands down and slip awa-* _POCHI, poch._

"That's definitely not the futon"  
I muttered while thick seat drops invaded my forehead.

One big, one small, both soft.

"fuck fuck fuck shit, stupid anime tropes"  
I thought while the soft things I had my hands on rose upwards.

It was official I was currently groping Einzbern's maids.

"Oh..."  
Muttered emotionless as usual Leys-whatever not that bothered while her sister.  
"H-h-h"

"Sella-san please calm down"

"Hentai!"

* _SLAAAAPPPPP!_

* * *

 **Caccia fulmini here it's been over two months but here I am with this long ass chapter, sorry if it took so long but I knew that if I didn't put everything in 8man Pov it would have been one really big mess. I mean bigger than it is.**

 **I dropped a few bombs here and there.**

 **8man has now a command seal, knows about Gilgamesh, is half fried and now gets to deal with Rom com shit.  
** **Sieg proved himself as the strongest Master and kept getting weird power ups (but its nothing new for every Apocrypha watcher) is he going to die? No he isn't going to die, but who knows what's happening inside our favorite cardboard boy.**  
 **Shiro can be smart too!  
Kiritsugu's soul has rented a corner of 8man's brain. **  
**Assassin** **handled 3 servants.**

 **How did he?** **Who knows!**

 **See you next ch (that hopefully won't take in two months) with THE SERVANTS.**

 **I hope to see your review and if you have eventual question let me know CacciaFulmini out!**


	13. The Ruler

**THE RULER**

* * *

Once I thought duty was the only thing that gave meaning to my life. As our savior was born to die and redeemed humanity from its existence had only one purpose. Leading my people out of a never-ending war. Even if it meant meeting my end by getting burned in stake, flesh burning away and slowly choking to death by the smoke that surrounds me. People had called me Saint, but I was not one. I was only a person meant to walk on a given path. I entrusted my body and my soul to God and my country so that I could become what they needed me to be. I never regretted it, but sometimes I questioned why me? Why was I the one that had to walk on that path?

Until my last breath I never obtained an answer, but then my faith paid me back.

Right after I was hugged by the cold embrace of death I found myself in a white empty space, it's cold at first but then warmth feeling starts to spread, then a golden voice called onto my name and a boy barely older than eight appeared before my very eyes, on his young body, countless wounds kept opening and closing, yet he didn't even seem to notice.

"Jeanne D'arc"  
He said, revealing a warm voice way deeper and more musical than I can ever imagine.

"Your life is now over, your body will burn to ashes and disappear in a county where you don't belong to, still, your name will remain forever be etched in history and will be a legend, your spirit will make the masses rise and your soul will reach the throne of heroes"  
He continued while the empty space around us began to spark of blue power.

"So tell me, are you happy with the life you had?"

* * *

"HUUUWAAAA!"  
I suddenly woke up from my dreams.

Where was I?

*squeeeeeeeeze*

"Ehem ok, I'm on the couch... but, what I was doing?"

"I'm flying Jack"

"Right… Titanic"  
I said looking at the giant TV in my living room.

...wait did I just fall asleep watching Titanic? I thought I'd never be fed up by this movie. I had watched it at least 200 times.

"Josephine!"  
"Josephine!"  
Said Di Caprio and I, in unison while watching the scene

Oh... maybe after having memorized every single line, the whole film experience had lost some of its value.

"Sorry Leo, but I need something new," I thought making my way through an empty box of cookies and bags of chips. Where did I left the remote?

Under the pillows? No.

On the floor? No.

Near the decoder? Yes!

"Ugh… too far…"  
I grunted stretching my arms from the couch.

I didn't want to stand uuuuuuupppppppppp!

"If only…ugh… I had….*grunt* Longer…. Hands….. Ugh, fine! I give up!"  
I said leaving my soft nest and grabbing the remote.

"Okay let's see what we got tonight"

*click  
"Already watched"  
*click  
"Watched lots of times"  
*click  
"watched a lot more times"  
*click  
"Oh, I'm behind a season"  
*click  
"Again, already watched it"  
*click  
" Watched too many times"  
*click  
"Ugh, please changed the actors"  
*click  
"watched too many times to count,  
*click  
"Watc..."  
*click

"Uh?"

*click *click *click.

"Fantastic dead batteries, Sieg!, darling!, Sweetie! Can you bring me two spare batteries?"  
I asked hitting delicately the remote.

I was kind of hoping for a miracle, but the remote didn't return to be able to work, so I guess my prayers weren't heard.

And not only them.

"Sieg!? The batteries!"  
I called again my husband.

"..."

Silence, How weird.

"Assassin? Anyone?"  
I said looking around for the attic.

There was none around.

"Oh, right... they went out against Caster tonight"  
I thought remembering why I was alone.

"Right, to fight Caster"  
I repeated while my mood sunk as badly as the Titanic.

Those two were out there fighting Medea of Cochilis and Sasaki Koujiro... and Sieg was going to use that, Damn card! I knew it. I truly hated it, when he used that damn thing, the pain in his red eyes, all the nightmares he had at night, and all the blood he coughed...

DAH! I hated every single bit!

I just wanted to rip it into pieces, and toss them into the trash... then set fire to said trash, and ship the ashes away, somewhere. Somewhere far away, somewhere far, far away! But... But, how could it?

He was fighting outside, without any rest, because of me…..

"I never knew something could make me so happy and so sad at the same time."  
I whispered softly while my eyes unconsciously moving on a picture hanging on the wall.

"Today's Wednesday"  
I said gently while taking down the black-framed photo on the wall.

With religious care, I softly caress at the heart-shaped photo. Here... here, it was immortalized, probably the happiest! Moment of my life.

In this picture, I was smiling more than I ever believed possible, my white dress was fluttering in the air while Sieg had suddenly started carrying me like a princess and kissed my forehead. Nearly all the background was invaded by a cloud of red petals, but if I concentrated a lot I could see in a corner Assassin scratching away a tear from under his sunglasses.

"Two years, eight months and five days"  
My lips began to tremble.  
"It's not enough"  
My voice broke.

Hugging the picture tightly against my chest, I fell on my knees.

I didn't want this life to end!

"It's still too short"

I didn't want this life to end. I wanted to stay with Sieg much longer, hear his stupid complains longer, wake up at his side for longer, lose the flight for our vacation other thousand times, hold the wedding ring on my finger until I grew old.

I wasn't ready to give up this life too.

" **Then burn everything in your path** "

"Uh someone said something?"  
I suddenly asked tilting my head.

There, none in the attic, but I could have sworn someone had just talked to me. Well, whatever.

"Com' on...Enough sadness for tonight"  
I muttered cleaning a few tears off my eyes and hanging back in its place the picture.

"Besides it's not like I'm worried, Sieg is strong, Hachiman too, they're going to be fin-WHY AM I DIALING A NUMBER!"  
I screamed realizing I had unconsciously drawn my smartphone!

 ** _Calling Sieg-sweet-heart_**

"N-nononono"  
I stuttered alarmed while my fingers possessed by unknown forces kept missing the "end call" button.

"Mochi Mochi"

 _"Ah! he answered what do I do what do I do!"  
_ I thought on the verge of screaming.

"Ah eh uh HI Sieg"  
I muttered not too sure what to say next.

"Jen"

Oh God, Oh God, he sounded fine marvelous, but I still needed an excuse something credible!  
"Uh, do you know where are the AAA batteries?"  
Taken by anxiety I asked the first thing that rushed outside my brain.

I sounded so stupid! Batteries. Out all the things I could think of batteries! Why was I so stupid! Dammit Jeanne!

"Look inside the Indian pot"  
Luckily my husband fell for my excuse and with his calm, emotionless voice answered my question.

Indian pot uh...UH! The batteries were actually there? I could have turned over the whole attic before even thinking about the pot. Wait...

"The red or the blue one?"  
"The blue one"

Ah, I loved that pot, I still remembered when I bought that thing! The seller was trying to scam me

"... ah sweet honeymoon times"  
I whispered throwing a stare to the wedding picture.

A thin smile sprang on my lips and nearly out of instinct I said four words  
"Thanks, I love you"

* * *

"Okay I'm calm now"  
I said fetching the new batteries and then diving on the couch.

"That's right calm"  
I repeated switching the old batteries of the remote.  
"calm"

"I'M NOT CALM AT ALL!"  
I screamed slamming the first pillow within reach on my face.

AAAHHHH! The last time they went out fighting I wasn't conscious so I couldn't get worried, but this time there was no trick!

"MOOOOOOOOHH! I've to go out, I won't fight just be sure nothing bad happens"  
I stood up throwing away the pillow.

"But I'm a Ruler, I can't side with anyone"  
I sat down again.

"But the grail isn't giving me mana, so I'm not obliged to do my job"  
Stood up again.

"But I can't just go around wasting mana"  
I sat down once more.

I couldn't decide.

"Dear God please help me, give me a sign, what's the right thing to do."  
I prayed staring at the ceiling.

*Dlin Don

"SAY NO MORE!"  
I shouted rushing towards the door.

"Hi!"  
I greeted whoever activated the bell.

"Jen-sempai"  
Responded the unexpected guest.

"Haruno? What brings you here?"

"You tweeted you're watching Titanic, and you only watch Titanic if you're alone at home and Sigh-sempai is out doing pokemon tournaments"

"Wha? That's not true..."

"..."

"..."

"Okay that's true"

"I know right, so since at this point even you would get bored after hearing for the hundredth time the same corny line... wanna have a drink?"  
Asked Haruno reading me like an open book.

She was right... "draw me like your french ladies" stopped sounding exciting a long time ago. But most importantly now I had an excuse to go outside!

"YES! YES! I want to!"  
I cried projecting myself to grab my coat.  
"Okay let's go!"

"What? Like this? No make-up, no aggressive outfit?"  
Asked my kouhai raising an eyebrow.

"why wasting time changing? I'm a married woman"  
I retorted cleaning crumbs of various nature from my jumper.

"Yeah.. sure, but I want free drinks and unless you go a bit on the offensive we won't get any"  
Rebuked Haruno opening her jacket and revealing a one-piece black dress with an "interesting" neckline.

The urge to sigh pervaded every single fiber of my body.

"... in these moments I really understand how those two got together"  
I thought recognizing the rotten pragmatism Haruno and Hachiman shared.

"Okay... give me a moment"  
I groaned giving up before searching for something else to wear.

* * *

An hour or so later... what surprised I took that long? I'm a lady for goodness' sake I need time to prepare. What was I saying? Oh, right.

An hour or so later Haruno and I were entering in a pub in Fuyuki center, my senses were running wild I could feel huge amounts of mana flowing through all the city, but they seemed quite far from me and as I was now I couldn't just go to see what was going on.

And besides.  
"Jen-sempai, remember keep your ring covered if even a person sees it the whole plan is screwed."  
I had to avoid one of my few friends got stuck in a mess too big for her to handle.

From the moment we entered the pub a lot of stares stuck on us, it wasn't anything new I was kind of used to situation like this one, but usually, Sieg or Hachiman scared whoever wanted to approach me with their sole presence.  
Honestly, it was pretty pleasant, mostly because it was the easiest to force those two to show some affection; Sieg always made sure to show I was his wife doing a few things like showing off the wedding ring, kissing me or putting his hands on... various places. (I'll never admit is kind of exciting)  
Meanwhile, Hachiman went straight up to over-protective parent mode, spoiling me with different goods to distract me from the menacing stares he kept throwing around.

Those two have always been a couple of socially awkward sweethearts.

"Two martinis"  
Ordered Haruno going straight up to the bar counter.  
"Make them strong"  
Added the girl slowly opening her jacket using only movements dripping of innuendo.

"Good Lord forgive her impudence"  
I whispered joining her without display the same shameful actions.

As Haruno wanted I had changed my outfit and now I was wearing a simple cream color high neck pullover and a pair of jeans. I didn't bother to doll up, the only jewel I wore was a pair of pearl earrings I bought in Greece a few years ago.

"Here's your martinis, first round is on the house"  
Winked the bartender leaving two glasses for us.

"Well your plan is working"  
I said making my lips barely touch the drink.

The smell of alcohol filled my nose. Yes, this martini was pretty strong, just like I liked it.

* * *

 _Jeanne's liver_

"OH shit here we go again"

* * *

*gulp  
I sent the whole thing down my throat.

Ah, that felt refreshing!

"uhuh you're still quite the drinker sempai, buuuutttttt what was that "well your plan is working" You speak like my plans ever failed"  
Commented Haruno with a malicious smile.

"Flamenco"

Her smile broke.  
"Low blow, low blow Jen-sempai, we agreed that never happened."

"My husband agreed after you corrupted him with that Naruto figure, I just remained silent for over three years because I believed it was the most polite thing to do."  
I replied sticking my tongue out.

"Mou, how terrible..."  
Pouted the woman before slowly sipping her drink.  
"But why mention it now?"  
She asked cold and sharp.

"to remind you that you're not infallible Haruno"

"Oh. Here. We. Go. Again."  
Smiled my friend shaking her head.  
"Always trying to keep me out of the danger. Always sticking to the righteous path that makes you feel better with yourself. Always so many things Jen-sempai, but why are you never supportive? I could cry you know"

"Haruno this isn't something you can take lightly"

"Janet or whatever is your real name. I f I was really taking this whole mess lightly I wouldn't have asked for your help"  
Hissed Haruno emptying her glass.

On her face there wasn't any joyful facade she would have normally used, there was just Yukinoshita Haruno.

"..."  
"I didn't ask to be sent here, I did 't ask for any of this, but it was either me or Yukino-chan"

"Haru what happened?"

"Nothing you'd care about"

* _pinch_

"OW Jwen-swempai whwat awe you dowing?"

"Pinching your rebellious cheek, don't go around deciding what I would or would not care about"  
Oh dear, I sounded like Hikigaya.

"oway, okway, just stop"

"perfect, so now you tell one-chan what happened."

"...An agreement, with another family"  
Began Haruno scratching her cheek.  
"They had the innovation, we had the wealth, nothing fancy up to this point, but then we discovered that to activate everything we needed the holy grail.

"All the grail?"

"No just some information. The problem is I can't extract them unless I reach the physical grail"

"I see.. so you were sent alone?"

"yeah couldn't lose man-power back in Chiba, plus groups of magi attract too much attention, and now please don't ask anything else... I wasn't supposed to speak about any of this."  
She said biting her lower lip.

..she was going through a lot, wasn't she? Time to act like a big sis.

"... Other two martinis"  
I ordered.

"Jen-sempai?"

"Haru tonight we drink our anxieties away"  
I proclaimed poking at her forehead.

We were both filled by our problems and worries, for various reasons we couldn't open fully to each other, but at least we could distract ourselves together over a few drinks.

"Here other two martinis"  
Said the bartender a second before Haru and I snatched the glasses.

"3" "3"  
"2" "2"  
"1" "1"

"Cheers" "Cheers"

With a soundly *cling we emptied our drinks in one shot.

"Pffff" "ahaha"

"We haven't done this in ages"  
I said while the alcohol slightly tinged my cheeks of red.

"KU! I missed it since you moved there's none funny to do these things with"  
She replied grinning slightly.

"I thought you weren't a fan getting drunk"

"Oh yeah I'm still unable to find any joy in drunkenness, but at least I have an excuse to act more naturally"

"Do you remember **that Christmas**?"

"Me, you, Sigh-sempai and seven bottles of vodka? Nope don't remember a thing just waking up with whiskers on my face and you sleeping on Sigh-sempai tied by colored lights"

"You had arrived from a family party and were so upset for something"

"Ugh don't remember, but I still have in my mind the pancakes your jerk butler made the morning after, never ate something so good. I guess even a worthless doll-like him can do something useful."  
Groaned Haruno.

"Oh yeah Hachiman spent the entire night trying to recollect her favorite recipe"  
I thought while the oddly cute picture of Assassin cooking made me chuckle.

"Okay Jen-senpai rank from one to ten the guys over there"

"What are we sixteen?"

"No, but if they think we're talking about them they'll offer us drinks"

"you're evil"

"is that news?"

"...five to the one in center, four to the one on the left and for the guy on the right six"

"That's some harsh judgment, I'd give all of them one or two points extra, you should stop comparing every guy to Sieg-sempai"

"Why?"

"Because your husband is insanely hot, if you compare everybody to him the numbers will remain low and there won't be any fun"

"Oh I'm sorry if I caught a prime product and took it away from the market"

"Geez always so possessive! I mean you can't put in the same category a Ferrari and a Honda, they have two different purposes."

"?"

"One is made to be ridden at top speed, the other to take you home after a long day"

"...terrible analogy"

"But did you get it?"

"Yeah, yeah, but why don't you go give a shot and teach me kouhai?"

"Watch and learn. Group at our right, look at the tall one, nice face, know how to dress up, good smile, confident, broad shoulders, but look at his hands, shamefully small and his nails are dirty. He gets a seven and a half. The other one next to him shorter, his hairs are messy and he dressed up without putting too much effort, however, I like his posture and he is quite fit, Oh now he is staring at me if he order us a drink from seven minus he goes up to an eight-plus."

"You value your alcohol a lot girl"

"I value who gives me what I want, AND RIGHT NOW I'M SO THIRSTY"

"This is getting ridiculous"

"Another drink for the two ladies"

"But its working, now give me a number for the first man that comes out from that door"  
Said Haruno sipping her third drink.

"Fine!"  
I groaned looking at the entrance.

...

...

"oH nO WhAT a ShaMe nOnE iS coMi * _scueeeeek (door opening)._ Ugh like I said nothing"  
I groaned while a new man came inside the pub.

"Oh, lucky turn Jen-sempai we got a Ferrari?"

"A Ferra-?"  
I almost choked with my own drink.

The man that just arrived was a tall guy, with the physique of a warrior, awesome features a bandage around an ear, red eyes and blue hair... Lancer.

* * *

"Give me the strongest thing you have in stock dude"  
Introduced himself Lancer taking a seat a few stools away from Haruno.

"Rough night?"  
Asked the bartender.

"You can say that, met an unpleasant person that brought up even more unpleasant memories"  
"You're in the right place to forget then"  
A glass of amber liquid arrived in front of the servant.  
"Irish booze, two glasses, and all your problems become a tiny point in your mind"

"...Cheers"

"Soooo 9.5 out of 10?"  
Asked Haruno observing Lancer gulping down his alcohol.

"... 9.1 hairs are too long"  
I replied in low voice.

"Pretty picky Jen"

"More like rude"  
Muttered Lancer glancing over me and Haruno.

Dammit.

"Oh, you overheard our little talks?"  
Asked my kouhai unleashing her most mischievous face.  
"You must be pretty confident to be disappointed in a 9.1"

"Nah, I'm not that petty, your friend disrespected the long hairs of a warrior. Too much used to all these kiddos with pussy-short hair. They all lose at least two points, so much waste"  
Groaned Lancer letting loose a shocking truth.

Haruno and I almost choked, until we built up our courage and asked.  
"Soo..." "You swing that way"

Hearing our words the servant grinned a bit and then said.  
"I like what I like, I want what I like, I take what I want, be it a man or a woman"

"Oh"  
I mumbled a little startled while my friend...Oh no she just bit her lower lip.

Was she excited or her Yaoi period had returned from the past?

"then Oni-san want to share a few drinks with me? You can ask another guy if you want to"

BOTH!

"Ah.. you're a bold one girlie. Hey give us three a round of something"  
Said Lancer to the bartender.

"On track"  
He replied.

The situation was moving out of my control.  
"wait, wait, wait I'm married"  
I blushed terrified of what could happen while a bunch of disappointed groans filled the pub.

* * *

"Jen-sempai..."

"Yes, Haruno?"

"I'm sure you're happy now that you have expressed your position, but there is a tiny problem"

"...sorry"

"The whole plan is screwed!

"I'm sorry, is just that your libido had started building up and I got embarrassed!"  
I pouted shamefully assaulting my drink.

"Because I wasn't embarrassed at all when you and Shizuka-chan discussed the outfit for the first night of honeymoon!"  
Replied Haruno using... a pretty damn low blow.

"...Low... filthy low Haruno"

"After all the stuff I heard we both know who's the filthiest between the two of us"

"ah you two are hilarious"  
Laughed Lancer interrupting our quarrel.

He was on his fifth or seventh consecutive shot, he didn't look tipsy, but apparently, he was ready to play the drunk act to make fun of us.

"...Oni-san thanks you but we're in the middle of a conversation, so just watch from the sidelines"  
Said Haruno doing to scio scio movement with her hand.

"Oh I'd like but you're too loud, the entire pub is staring at you"  
He replied pointing behind his back where a bunch of people began to nod.

... _Merde._

"We are sorry"  
I immediately apologized bowing my head before gesturing the bartender to fill my glass again.

I had decided! tonight was going to get dead and forget about every embarrassing thing that happened.

"Just hope it doesn't end up like in Taiwan... "  
I thought chunking down another drink.

Other 5 or 6 and I might have started feeling tipsy.

"To avoid you make any more fuss why don't you tell me what brings you in this city"  
Said Lancer pushing towards us two shots.

"Work"  
I responded dry letting my finger dance around the tiny glass Cu Chullain gave me.

"And you miss Haruno was it?"

"Family business, just an apartment my parents want to rent, pretty boring stuff, you... ehm"

"Uh...Lance"

"Lance? Really and I thought Hikigaya was the lazy person in this city"  
I thought barely avoiding to sigh... seriously from Lancer to Lance?!

If it was supposed to be joke it wasn't funny

"You Lance-san? What brings you here?"

"...I'm not too sure, I came here for business chance, but I don't know what to do if I were to obtain what I want...Let's say I arrived in Fuyuki because I wanted to compete"  
Said casually Cu Chullain playing with his glass.

For a moment I stared at the servant... I found quite peculiar his last words. He came to fight, he joined the Holy Grail War despite not having a defined wish. Now it might sound rude of selfish but... **Lancer made my blood boil.**  
There were people that had bet everything to reach the holy grail, people that were ready to lose their life to achieve one wish and he? He just came here to test his power...

 **then kill him, use a single command seal and take his life**

"I need a breath of air"  
I whispered suddenly standing up and coming out of the pub.

* * *

"Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck F. U. C. K."  
I repeated madly trying to calm down.

Life wasn't fair I knew that there was no point in getting angry now.

"No point in getting angry"  
I mentally reminded myself unconsciously scrubbing my wedding ring.

For the nth time in the past month, I had been tempted to sacrifice my morals to achieve what I wanted...  
For the last year, I-I didn't know what to do, my divine premonition had stopped working soon after I met Sieg and Hachiman, the grail stopped to sustain me with base mana as the war began and... I was practically useless.  
Half of the times I told Sieg I went to patrol the city it was a lie, I dashed straight to the hospital consumed the donated blood that had nearly expired.

It was disgusting but it was the only way to leave Sieg enough power to fight. Most magi during the holy grail war lost up to 60% of their energies to sustain their servant, luckily Assassin was able to resist on his own, however, he didn't have any Noble Phantasm that could be lethal without calling its true name.

So summing up Hachiman's mana consumption was good during quiet moments and terrible during fights.

"Fuuu"  
I sighed looking in the black sky.  
"At the end of the day, I've always to rely on those two...I wonder how they're doing"  
I whispered thinking about my weirdos.

"AH GAMINE!"

And actually also hearing one of them, wow my imagination was powerful.

"Gamine!"

Really powerful.

"D'arc for goodness sake!"  
A hand suddenly caught my shoulder and turned me.

"oh not my imagination"  
I blinked half-enchanted.

It took me a long second to realize what was happening. In front of me, a very bruised Assassin was carrying on his back a girl wearing a knight armor. The **discerning eyes of truth** granted me by the Ruler class immediately warned me of the identity of the girl.

Saber servant  
Arturia Pendragon

My expression froze, I wished to say so many things, but the only sound that came out from my mouth was a hysterical giggle.

"aha aha ahahaha ahh ah... Hachiman what the fuck?"

"Too long to explain, hold her while I put up an illusion on her clothes"  
He responded tossing the girl towards me.

"Uh HA!"  
I muttered catching her while stream of information tried fill my brain.

* * *

 _Do you want to accept the download of the file [Data of Arturia Pendragon]?  
_ [Yes] [No]

Yes

 _Are you really sure?  
_ [Yes] [No] _  
_

Yes

 _Is your definitive answer?_  
[Yes] [No]

Geez YES!

 _ALERT data too big try connecting to a wi-fi or download file [Data of Arturia Pendragon] during sleep mode._

Wi-Fi?! Where do I even find a Wi-Fi for the heroes' throne?

 _ALERT Wi-Fi not found. File [data of Arturia Pendragon] will be downloaded during sleep mode._

What the F-

* * *

"AAAAHHHH why nothing ever works!"  
I groaned exasperated shoving the Saber servant on my shoulder.

GEEEZZZZZ...She was way heavier than she looked like.

"Okay stand still I'm having some problems to keep active my fourth form"  
Said Assassin while the "IV" In his eyes kept blurring.

It was definitely Haruno's fault if Hikigaya was close to one of his wives his body naturally tended to shift form.  
The fact he was still in his fourth form was pretty incredible, probably it was because he was currently using his Noble Phantasm.

"Kitsune dorobō"  
(thief fox _)_

Callin the name of his Noble phantasm Assassin summoned out of his shadow an auburn fox no bigger than a tennis ball.  
The cute animal jumped on me and then on Saber, a second after the small beast turned itself in a sequence of symbols that covered Saber's armor into a hoodie.

Unfortunately, that was only an illusion so the girl kept being very very heavy.

"Okay that should work for twenty minutes"  
Said Hachiman cleaning a few sweat drops from his forehead.

"Old man you look drained"  
I commented passing back Saber while Assassin's battle suit was replaced by casual clothes.

"You have no idea, just ran away from two angry servants"  
He replied squeezing his eyes and then looking in the direction of the pub.  
"Is she inside?"

"Haruno? Yes, she dragged me out, she is sharing drinks with..."  
My voice died half sentence... maybe it wasn't wise to give Assassin a reason to burst inside the pub and start a brawl with another servant.

"With? Gamine speak, I'm not in my seventh form, all the memories of Haruno's timeline are sealed, I won't make a scene"  
Said Hachiman addressing me with his usual "I'm-a-irritable-parental-figure" voice.

"Uh she is sharing a drink with an awesome guy"

"That's it?"

"Yes..."

"That's not it"

"Yes..."

"You can't tell me the whole truth"

"Yes"

"Uh whatever, I just need to retrieve some of my Max from this pub and reach the brat. The coffee is over and if I keep active all the fox familiars I scattered across the city my mana is bound to run out"  
Groaned Assassin putting on his face a pair of magical glasses to conceal the numbers in his eyes.

"Wait you have stoked coffee here?"

"I stoked coffee all over Fuyuki, now please I need a refill or all the foxes will disappear and Archer and Berseker will realize I've been tracking them for the past ten minutes"

"Uh?"

"Long story short, 3 servants, divide and conquer, caught Saber off guard knocked her out, drugged her, used a smoke bomb and replaced me and Saber with Foxes. Archer and Berseker thought I activated a transformation Noble Phantasm and chased after them while I was hidden in a bin"

"And they have not caught your foxes already?"

"Oh yes, but I made sure that every fox was filled with a precasted spell, so when Archer of Berserker gets close boom! Cloud of smoke and the closest familiars I left in standby catch their attention."

"...Assassin how many Foxes are you controlling right now?"

"30"

"30! Are you out of your mind! It's too much"

"I know so let me get inside and have some coffee"

"But there's Haruno!"

"Who cares she won't recognize me and besides I have overused her Noble Phantasm tonight I'll be able to resist switching mode"  
Shrugged Assassin making his way towards the door.

I tried to impose myself as a human barrier, but unfortunately, a tipsy Haruno suddenly opened the pub's door. The wooden panel crushed against my back pushing me in Assassin's arms.

"No nono no no"  
Muttered Hachiman struggling to keep his balance.

"Jen have you done breathing..uh that came out weird"  
Said my kouhai with a frown on her face.

It took her a couple of seconds to realize the situation, her eyes kept pointing at me, Assassin, me, Assassin and Assassin and me.  
She blinked a couple of times and then said.  
"You slut"

"Ah!"  
I squeaked caught off guard.. how did she called me?

"I mean you have taste, but being in the arms of another man just the second I move my eyes away from you. Huge minus Jen "  
Continued Haruno squaring from head to feet Hachiman.

"I think here this is some kind of misunderstanding here"  
I said gulping down the shame.

Forgetting a tiny detail, I sucked at making excuses and I had no idea about what to say next.  
In fact "He is the Assassin servant" Didn't sound as the smartest thing to say right now.

Luckily a helping hand arrived.

"So Janet is she the noisy underclass girl you always talk about at the cooking course?"  
Said Assassin directing all the attention on himself.

"Uh noisy underclass girl, I guess it could be me"  
Replied Haruno looking at Hachiman.

"No shit"  
Nodded Assassin

"What's that supposed to mean?"  
Asked Haruno with sweet and poisonous voice.

Receiving back only an emotionless response.  
"You look younger than Janet and you're noisy"

"oh you are pretty rude sir, even though you didn't even introduce yourself"

"Said the kid that busted of a door pushing an innocent bystander in the hands of an even more innocent bystander who's only trying to get his drunk niece back at home"  
Retorted Assassin softly hitting Saber on the head.

"..."

"..."

"Yukinoshita Haruno"  
Said my kouhai introducing herself.

"Assin Serva"

...UHG, First Dammit Hikigaya get a freaking grip you can't go with an alias so lazy! I thought we had already gone through this topic.  
Second, the situation is out of my control, third who ever went to a cooking course in the first place!

"What a peculiar name"  
Grinned Haruno totally unfazed.

Oh dear, she didn't even seem suspicious, she was just continuing to look at Hikigaya's biceps.

"Oh please don't tell me, what I think is going to happen is going to happen"  
I thought widening my eyes

"I get that a lot"

"Your niece seems heavy, why don't you enter the pub and rest for a moment"

"Why not, I wouldn't mind a drink"

SWEET MERCIFUL GOD, THEY WERE FLIRTING!

* * *

Nausea, disgust and an odd desire for chicken wings, all those feelings combined together in me as I watched Assassin and Haruno enter the pub.

"Okay Jeanne do something, anything, set on the fire alarm, blind yourself, just avoid to look at this...this. Ugh I don't even know how to call it"  
I thought following the head of the unconscious Saber in the pub.

"Hey pops! It's been a while!"  
Grinned the bartender seeing Hachiman.

"Shinai-Kun. How you doing?"  
Greeted back Assassin with a nod.

"Better than usual."

What the actual fuck?! Assassin knew people, he could actually socialize with normal human beings?

"No more yellow nail, I see, you finally stopped smoking."

"Some creepy old man forced me to notice that hiding problems behind a vice was a problem itself."

Aaaahhhh Hachiman didn't socialize it was just the usual "my life is a mess, but I can always deal with other people's problems."

"...typical."  
I scoffed while three cans of coffee appeared in front of Assassin.

Unfortunately, I had been so busy cringing at Haruno and Hachiman's reaction that I forgot another extremely problematic factor.

"Uh, you came back, talk about taking your time."

Lancer.

In a moment all the noise in the pub was erased from my ears, I could only see with glacial impotence, Assassin turning his head towards the other servant and making eye contact. Crimson and grayish orbs met each other, my brain split in two parts, one that was desperately screaming and trying to find a way to make this mess disappear... and the other that was trying to invent a punchline for a joke that started with: "two servants enter in a bar."

Yeah... I had to order more my priorities.

"So who's your friend here?"  
Asked Cu Chullain sipping the nth shot of the evening.

Caught by surprise I didn't manage to say anything smarter than.  
"Uh ah, Ehm."

The situation was really fucked up! I needed a miracle!

"Leave her be, her neuron is having some problems today, Hi I'm Assin Serva"

But I guess a grumpy old man could work too!

With a hair-thin smile, Hachiman extended his hand towards Lancer, from an outsider perspective everything would have seemed normal, but I knew exactly the meaning behind Assassin's expression... I believe in common vogue the translation should be: " FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKK" and then a disturbing sequence of repressed screams.

Apparently, Assassin had immediately realized what kind of creature he was facing and quickly managed to erase his presence so he couldn't be detected as a servant.

I couldn't even imagine what kind of convoluted plans he was imagining to get out of here while casually moving Saber out of Lancer's field of view.

* * *

 _Assassin's mind_

"two servants enter in a pub-"

* * *

"Uh, Assin? Peculiar name gives a nice Arabic tone I'm Lance nice to metch'ya"  
Said Lancer ignoring the horrible alias and then gripping Assassin's hand with his usual easy-going behavior.

"My pleasure"  
Retorted Hachiman in the same carefree manner while opening one of his Max coffee.

I'd like to say Assassin was handling the situation well, buuuuuuutttttttttt everyone could see he was a bit tense, and before anyone hypothesizes: no, he wasn't tense because of the life-threatening situation he was into.

"Man, are you drinking coffee in a pub? I am sorry that's a crime by my standards! Bartender bring 'nother bottle of booze to me and my new friend"

Simply, Hachiman wasn't comfortable with the sheer amount of friendliness Lancer was displaying.

"Aye"  
Grunted the bartender slamming the bottle between the two servants.

"No really I shouldn't my niece is drunk and I just came here to charge up a little"  
Said Assassin trying to getaway.

"Mou Serva-san you said, you could use a drink just a moment ago"  
Intervened Haruno popping out of nowhere with another cocktail in her hands.

(I was going to see her puke tonight wasn't I?)

"I said a drink, not a bottle!"  
Snapped Assassin trying to stand up.

Unfortunately in the blink of an eye Haruno and Cu Chullain appeared on Hachiman's shoulders pressing him on the chair, he suddenly found himself sandwiched between two of the scariest people I ever met.

Bracing myself I moved to rescue my legal guardian, but before I could be of any help Lancer had tamed Assassin with two simple words.

"my treat"

Hikigaya Hachiman suddenly stopped moving, he slowly tilted his head towards the servant of the spear and after a deep sigh said:

"Well now I can't say no can I"

* * *

10 minutes later I was busy playing with a glass of water, while Hachiman was drinking alcohol and coffee like they were nothing, Lancer kept telling weird edited stories of his myth and Haruno... I wasn't exactly sure: she first tried to spill her drink on the two servants and then on herself, unfortunately, Assassin seemed to be always a step ahead of her and stopped all her plans. So, in the end, Haru decided just to keep Assassin's and Lancer's glasses always full.

"And that's some odd behavior going on here" I'm surprised she didn't take the lead"  
I thought looking my friend stopping to perform any of her direct hookup techniques

Tired of being part of the sidelines I switched seats with the unconscious Saber and placed myself next to Haruno.

"Sooooo what are you planning?"  
I whispered in her ear.

"Well, the "Oh gosh you're all wet and oh gosh I'm all wet" didn't work, your friend got some nice reflexes, grabbed all the glasses, so I'm going to get them drunk. They look pretty ripped shouldn't be a problem carrying that girl to my place too"  
She retorted with an incredibly straight face.

"pff good luck with that, they seem pretty tenacious on their alcohol"  
I said with a grimace. Her plan wasn't going to work.

"Don't worry I have a plan B"  
But apparently, Haruno had already taken into account a possible failure.

Fool lustful child, there was no way any of her plans were going to work tonight. Yet trying to seduce the two servants was probably a good way to keep her mind focused on something different from the hard times she was facing. So I decided to keep playing her game.

"Don't even try to use Roofies on them"  
I said to make some comedy. But...

"Wha? How do you know?"

Everything just became a horror movie.

"Wait I was just messing with you! Do you want to drug them!?"  
I squirmed scandalized.

"I don't want to,"  
Replied Haruno studying her nails.  
"But if I were to have to I wouldn't hesitate"  
WHY COULDN'T I HAVE NORMAL FRIENDS!?

"Just don't please"  
I begged her pressing my face in my hands.

This whole situation was out of my comfort zone: Sieg was fighting the lord knows where, Assassin was drinking with an enemy servant, Haruno was totally sinking under all the alcohol and the hormones flowing in her blood and there are other servants roaming around.

Could the universe throw me a bone?!

"Fine"  
Suddenly replied Haruno.

 _"Thank GOD"  
I thought appreciating the karma._

"However you help me score"

"...UGHHH is this how you play with me universe?! ten seconds of gratification and then years of torture? Ooooh, one day I'll have my **REVENGE!**

* * *

 _I swear upon my dying body ashes is the only thing that will remain_

* * *

"AGH...mph... that came out way more aggressive than I expected"  
I thought lost in my monologue.

Damn! Why did I think this night could help me relax? Okay okay, one problem at the time.

"fuuu, Haruno you want both of them? Impossible Assa- Assin has to go in five minutes"  
I said to make a valid argument to shut up my kohai.

"Then you're saying there's no other way than the plan B"  
Unfortunately the whole thing backfired.

"...No, technically yes, but...ehhhhwww you don't even know the dosage"  
I blurted out of ideas! Negotiations weren't my thing.

I was good for sudden enlightenment, confessions and eventual bones breaking, I wasn't good at all in getting under a person's skin.

Especially if it was a person like her!  
"Incorrect, in mother's box there were all the instructions"

"Why does she.. you know that sounds like a LOT of problems and I don't wanna get involved."  
I sighed trying to reason with her at this point was useless.  
"Haru...Just know that the package tells you how to use the drug for the medical use, not the other..."

Pushed by a last Christian pulsion I gave my final advice hoping this could get her sanity back.

"..."

Yet I just received a blank stare in return.

"..What?"

"You sound experienced"

"I-I No! I'm not!"

"Jen-sempai, I know about Sigh-sempai problem... and the various... let's call them, "corrective" strategies"

"Y-you do?!"

"Who the hell do you think answered his questions about what's the best "approach" with a girl "

"Anyone but you!"

"Mean... and com'on it's not like you learn all that stuff on books,"

"..."

"Oh God you used books!?"

"Hey look literally anything different from this conversation"  
I said has the awkwardness of the conversation had reached the limit. There was only a certain number of people that can know if a woman's husband has erectile dysfunction, and if that number is higher than 1 there's a problem.

* * *

Escaping from my social problems I let Lancer have my and Haruno's attention.

He and Assassin were doing their nth cin-cin while talking about trivial matters: places they had seen, alcoholics they had tried and about...

"And so my teacher threw me a stick and told me: "let's see how long you can stand", can you imagine what happened next?"

Manly stuff I guess?

"let me think, let me think, Oh I know Lance-san. She... pulverized everything between your legs"  
Chuckled Assassin poking Lancer's chest.

"Ah that's right I couldn't walk for the next three days! And my voice sounded like one of a brat for a month! AHAH how did you guess it?"

"Because I'd have done the same thing! Youngsters must immediately learn the first rule of combat"  
He proclaimed raising his glass.

At that point as if a lighting had stuck my heart I recited the first lesson I learned on the battlefield.

"Strike hard and bring them on their knees"  
"Strike hard and bring them on their knees"  
"Strike hard and bring them on their knees"

Unfortunately that brought on me the unwanted attention of two people: in primis my kouhai that rose an eyebrow unable to imagine I was a battle-hardened warrior and in second place Lancer that looked at me with a glint in his eyes.

"Hell I knew you had fire in your belly missy, come closer and have a drink I bet you have tons of stories"

I hate my mouth!

* * *

A second later, doing the nth mistake of the evening, I accepted the drink and listened to Lancer's questions.  
"So what are you trained in? Sword? Spear? Bow? Don't tell me you're a hammer type, I hate those guys"

At this point, I had already done my fair amount of fuck-ups so going in full denial mode wasn't going to help me. Sighing out all my pent up anxiety, I threw a subtle stare to Assassin telling him to get out and took down the glass of amber liquor.

"Mmh that's good"  
I commented while the stares of Haruno and Lancer grew in intensity and curiosity.

"So, I'm sure you can already tell Lance, but I'll say it anyway I'm a spear-woman"  
I proclaimed letting my questioners see my hands.

Haru didn't seem to understand the meaning behind my action, but Lancer immediately swiped his fingers on my palms.  
The servant's warm fingertips quickly analyzed my calluses and after that, he put a smug on his face.

"Two meters, mostly used as a dull weapon, I'd ten years of experience...minimum, you're more hardcore than I expected missy"  
Grinned the blue-haired servant while Assassin was quietly moving to retrieve the unconscious Saber.

Perfect everything was going as I had planned. Little problem my plan was already over.

"Eh yes my father, wanted me to learn how to defend myself"  
I said using the most believable thing I could say: the truth

"Jen that's the first time I hear about this"  
Fumbled Haruno putting her chin on top of my head and her hands around my shoulders.

Her breath strongly smelled of alcohol and she was probably way less lucid than I thou...ght, wait given the topics we were exploring two minutes ago... okay my bad I should have imagined she was this drunk.

"I guess you never asked Haru, and it's not like I can start juggling a spear around at work or while doing shopping"

"I bet that'd be quite a show"  
Commented my kouhai sinking her face between my right shoulder and neck.

"What's your job again?"  
Asked Lancer stealing from his bottle the last drops of amber liquor.

"I run a cafe with my husband, usually we run our own place "The Angel ladder", but a friend of my husband had some family issues and so we exchanged places for a month or so. Mmm is something drooling on my sh-iT Haru!"  
I explained right before freaking out as I noticed my friend had passed away on my shoulder.

"Ah Lil girl couldn't handle her booze, pity, I bet she'd have given me a nice time"

"Please don't be gross"  
I snorted accommodating Haruno on a stool as the chit chat of the pub gradually faded.

"..mph I guess I'll have to settle with my new homie, where is he?"  
Asked Lancer looking around.

His red stare scanned the whole local searching for Assassin and unfortunately, he found him just before he managed to sneak out from the pub with Saber.  
"Man are you ditching me, that cuts deep"  
Groaned Lancer scratching his bandaged ear.

I wasn't sure if Lancer was trying the guilt trip technique, but I was certain Hachiman knew the perfect response.  
"Sorry, I am looking for a committed relationship"

It was so clichè it almost hurt, but it definitely did the trick. Lancer found himself suddenly stripped from any possible response, he spent a couple of seconds trying to realize what was going on, but in the end, he just chuckled and send off Assassin with a grin.

As Hachiman came out of the door I was finally able to sigh in relief.  
"Oh dear it's over, I can't believe it's over, UGHHHHHHH no more girls'-night-out for a while, just Netflix and chills."  
I thought ready to pack all my stuff and leave.

This evening had been way too spiritually taxing for me. I only desired to get my coat, toss Haru in a cab and go to bed... possibly with some ice cream, and some caramel, and chocolate chips... sometimes I really didn't appreciate enough the fact that my body burned countless calories every day.

I'd be a ball if that wasn't the case.

"Sorry can I have the bill"  
I asked the bartender.

Yet the only answer I received was silence.

"ehm hello is there anyone?"  
I said looking over the counter.

My hair danced in front of my eyes as I lied forward, still the image of a young man snoring on the floor couldn't be stopped by just a couple of hair locks.

What was going on?

I rapidly turned my head to look around, I checked every angle of the local just to have my fear confirmed.  
"Everyone's asleep!"  
I screamed as a stream of adrenaline began to pump in my body.

Even Lancer was... wait minute.

"Hey what are you doing!"  
I shouted looking at the servant.

"Seizing the loot"  
He answered lying down on the counter while putting on the table several bottles.  
"Listen missy, you're not asleep so you're clearly not human and I'm sure you didn't notice so I'll tell you, a battle between two servants is about to start, I'm get out of here before it's too late, you'd better take your friend and do the same, none in this area is going to remain safe."

"A battle between servants here? Assassin must have been tracked down, but how was it possible I didn't feel anyone coming? have I become so weak?"  
I thought tightening my fists.

"We must evacuate the area"  
I said putting my hand on Lancer's shoulder.

"We? I don't have to do a thing missy"  
Retorted him pushing my hand away.  
"I have already had my fair number of fights tonight, and I'd gladly avoid to die today."

"But there's plenty of innocent people around!"

"Yeah, truly sorry 'bout them, but I already lived as a hero once helped people and shit, didn't bring me as much joy as many would imagine, I just saved a bunch of nobodies and let to die the one I loved... this time I think I'll just focus on what I really care about."

"But..."

"LISTEN MISSY"  
Cried Lancer staring through my skull with his crimson eyes.  
"... one life spent for others is more than enough"  
He said showing the bitter side of his persona.  
"Shitty morality and acting all goody won't give me back what I lost, nor will protect what I have. Do the best thing for you and get out of here."

My throat suddenly dried, Lancer's words cut through me like razors of cold iron, it was like every sound that came out from his mouth wanted to hit me where it hurt the most. For the first time ever the Celtic hero in front of my eyes didn't look like a hero at all, and not even as a warrior thirsty of battle that just wanted to " compete" in the holy grail war. He looked like me in my sleepless nights... he looked like a tired man... he looked like a human he looked just like me.

* * *

BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM

* * *

A sudden explosion made all the windows of the pub shatter, shards of glass fell all over the place. Any normal person would have tried to take cover, but both Lancer and I were servants, glass shoot at that speed wasn't enough to even bother us. So we managed to observe in all his might a black-coated man literally going through the wood door.

A loud _CRACK!_ Filled the air rapidly succeeded by:  
 _"Fuc! Hel! GOD!"  
_ What I presumed were cursing words.

The man had crashed against a couple of chairs before landing in the counter right in the middle of Lancer and me.

"Owo-ho-how I hate my life"  
He groaned taking out from his arm a piece of wood.

At this point, I didn't even need to look at his face to realize his identity, but unfortunately, I wasn't the only one.

"Assin?"  
Said Lancer dropping half of the bottles he was holding.

"Wait is he still not going to realize it?"  
I thought before blue servant allowed the two neurons in his brain to work.

"Gasp! Assassin?! Assin you're the Assassin servaaaaaaannnnnnn-... hell how didn't I see that one coming"

"My hotness distracted you, buddy, also I kept drugging your shots... you have one hell of a liver"  
Replied Hachiman still stuck in the counter.  
"Are you both fine?"  
He asked quickly glancing to Lancer and me

Now given how the IVs in his eyes were glinting softly and he was acting all concerned, Assassin could have seemed genuinely worried... from an outsider perspective. But I knew Hikigaya Hachiman better than this.

He wasn't checking if we were unharmed, no. He already knew we were fine, he had scanned the whole pub before even landing. He was composing the correct sequence of words and action to make us do what he wanted.

"I suggest you run away, this mess is mine...kukukuku"  
Grinned Assassin standing up.

I mean look at him! He was showing a brave and bold side to get Lancer's help, yeah, a few stains of blood-colored his otherwise pitch-black clothes, however, he didn't seem too badly injured. How can I say it was like Assassin was trying to create some intense scene for whatever action movie.

Seriously I could imagine the script:

* * *

Ehm, Tough protagonist: "This is my battle Bla bla bla."

Rival/Ally: " _*laugh_ if someone has to kill you that will be me, so don't die now"

Or geez just think to the most generic speech ever and sprinkle testosterone on it, the results are the same.

* * *

"-ah Lancer you must be crazy"  
Said Assassin while Lancer changed in his armor and moved right next to him.

WAIT DID I JUST MISS THE GENERIC SPEECH!

"I never said I was Lancer"  
Retorted the blue servant.

 _Oh God, I did! Did they do the Predator handshake? If they did I demand another take to record it!_

"Maybe choose a better alias next time"  
"Pff. Right back at you son of a bitch"

 _Clap!_

 _"Okay perfect now I got the to see it, now I can make fun of Assassin forever if I don't die"  
_ I thought shrugging my shoulders.

I was sure Hachiman was ready to say something to force me to fight. I didn't even dared to hope he wouldn't drag me in this mess, after all, I was at least in the top 3 of the servants in the war, my defensive ability from both magical and physical attacks was unmatched, my raw strength was remarkable to be humble and even without the use of offensive Noble phantasm I could pack quite the punch.

Let's be honest I was pure fury in a smart package high one meter and fifty-nine, lacking in mana or not, Ruler or not Ruler only an idiot wouldn't want me on his side, but no sir I was loyal to my duty I wasn't going to help him so easily.

"Gamine..."

 _And there he goes._

"Get out of here"

Wait what?

"WHAT?"  
I voiced my narrative speech.

"Get out, you can't handle a fight against both Berserker and Archer. LEAVE. NOW."  
He said summoning from his shadow two tiny foxes that turned in glowing rings around his wrists.

"ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU DIDN'T LAST FIVE MINUTES BEFORE! YOU'RE NOT IN THE POSITION OF NOT REQUESTING HELP"  
I screamed leaving behind anything that could be called calm or composure.

What the hell was he doing? Sure Hachiman had replenished a respectable amount of mana from his earlier "Coffe pause", but still he had just come out from a 3 vs 1! All the fatigue he had build-up was still present for goodness' sake!

Oh, I knew this situation required an ice-cold glare! Something so arctic to make him revise all his life choices.

 _*Glare_

"Meet my eyes. Meet my eyes you prick!"  
I thought practically piercing his skull with a stare while he kept keeping his head down.

"Hey mate a sword extra is better than one less"  
Commented Lancer before meeting my eyes.  
As our glares crossed he suddenly lowered his head muttering something like: "Scàthach is not here, she is not here she is not here"

"Geez, there goes all my anger..."  
I thought observing the pitiful sight of a grown man such as Lancer crawling in a ball on the floor.

I had probably triggered a trauma or something.

* * *

 _Do you want to accept the download of the file [Data of Cù Chullain]?  
_ [Yes] [No]

God not now. NO

 _Are you really sure?  
_ [Yes] [No] _  
_

Yes

 _Is your definitive answer?_  
[Yes] [No]

Geez YES!

* * *

"This isn't getting anywhere!"  
I groaned pushing my fingers down my cheeks  
"I'm going to help youuuuuuuuuu... you're bluffing. THIS IS REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY, You tell me to get out of here to make me stay! To make me go against my duty!"  
I shouted pointing at him!

"Well that figures"  
Retorted Hachiman raising his head and laughing straight to my face.

This... this ASS, why did I even waste time to worry about him, in this case he erased all kinds of emotions just to obtain the most favorable outcome.

"Gosh, I HATE this side of you!"  
I grunted shoving the unconscious Haruno on my shoulder.

"I know, I know, but it's mostly this side of me that will keep you and the brat alive, check on him if I'm too slow."  
He said averting his stare from my face.

"Sure. Try to move the fight out of here, I'll avoid casualties "  
I sighed grabbing and dragging other unconscious people towards the backdoor.

"You know I will"

Before leaving I only heard one last conversation between Assassin and Lancer.

"Now Lancer get up... No, your teacher isn't here, no she isn't... your balls? Yeah still there. Heck no I don't wanna check! Do it yourself!... See... wait have you been in a let's call it black muddy prison recently?... Fuck I knew it! **RESONARE** **AUTEM MEMORIAS**... Ugh get closer if I don't treat you, you'll get useless as soon as you get a flashback!... Wait this isn't a special case? What do you mean with "every time I think of her I go in this state"!? Listen don't ruin your character any further, for now, try to stick to your badass role, I'm sure you'll find some a spinoff Holy Grail War to become everyone's laughing stock".

* * *

Evacuate a few dozens of unconscious civilians. Easy.

 **WRONG! DAMN HARD!**

Especially if you don't want to waste mana to enchant yourself! What were so many people doing out at this hour, there have been murders all over Fuyuki! Why was this generation so paranoid about calories intake and dumb memes, but so lax about with their own survival! And please none dares to say "maybe they don't know" this is not the 14th-century news don't come after months: in this age, if someone sneezes during an Instagram direct, half of the world can know it by dinner time!

"Damn where do I put all of them!? Uh I'm sure there was something big and useless around here"  
I groaned after having amassed everyone I could find in a secondary street.

Moving without getting noticed by Archer and Berserker should have been difficult, but luckily they were busy assaulting a bunch of humanoid shadows that kept moving between the road and the roofs... tiny note, with assaulting I meant obliterating, Berserker dominated the land tearing apart any shadow close enough to his fists, while Archer kept sniping one after one all the shadows jumping in the sky.

They were surely Hachiman's familiars but, I had never seen them before, they looked like simple dummies meant to act as a bait and possibly as an armor for their user, however, they all had different silhouettes and managed to perform pretty stunning movements.

Something was off... namely Hikigaya's noble Phantasm: **Kitsune dorobō.  
** Technically the Phantasm was a magic tome, with the ability to store hundreds of spells inside its pages, analyze mysteries and generate familiars... but to be more pragmatic it's just a pile of fox shaped post-its with weak spells written on.  
Basically, kitsune dorobō was a leather notebook with 300 pages. Each page could be converted in an intelligent fox familiar and every fox could scan mysteries and contain a pre-casted spell.  
Illusions, attacks, defenses almost any kind of spell could be stored inside the notebook, however every spell could only be codified in a single page and replenishing them on spot was practically impossible.  
SOOOOO at the end of the day, Kitsune dorobo was a pretty weak artifact, more akin to a multi-use knife than an actual weapon.

The point is, Hachiman's Noble Phantasm wasn't something that could be used on a whim. It needed preparation and I seriously doubted it was able to create so many familiars different from foxes with such complex moves sets.

Like that bulky one, he just dodged to hits from Berserker crawling down two times, then stepped forward and... did the kamehame-whatever move? Oh, wait now it got destroyed.

Ignoring what just happened I still had one question "How was he doing it?"

BOOM

Then some kind of arrow exploded above my head and my priorities got re-ordered.

Civilians first. Old man second. Snack third. Lancer...uh... yeah.

* * *

"Com'on com'on there has to be somewhere I can put all of them"  
I thought scanning all the surrounding area.

I knew there was the perfect place somewhere around here.

"Think Jeanne, think you came here... two weeks ago, Sieg had that shirt you bought 50% off, his face was red... aww it was so cute... DAMMIT FOCUS! Red face why did he have a red face? Public smooching? No! Was he embarrassed? Nah I'm the one that gets flustered he... he was tired because had he played with Assassin at air hockey, but it was a version that made electronic sounds... Gosh, I can't believe they spent an hour trying to play Megalovania...so air hokey that means there some kind of Arcade around.  
Ah, there it is! My beautiful useless arcade!"  
I exclaimed looking towards an old building lighted by green neon.

It was probably the only place around here big enough to stuff all in the people, also it was relatively far from the battle, but I could still quickly check out what was happening from the higher windows.

"Com'on Jeanne elbow grease"  
I said shoving my foot against the door.

*TUM

"...fuuuuuuuuuccccckkkkkk"  
I groaned holding my leg.

AAAAAAHHHH why was that damn door so sturdy! Wait not why, but how! Even weakened I should have reduced that thing in pieces.

Forget helping Assassin, forget being a Ruler I was so weak I couldn't even open a door! DAMN, I was hopeless.

"Now what do I do?"  
I groaned putting my forehead against the door.

...

"Okay it's official I'm stupid"  
I said reading the pull sign on the door.

As I sighed in relief I discovered the door was open, the arcade looked empty but I could still hear the sound of different games going on, so I guessed that all the people that were still here at this hour had been knocked out.

"Well this place should be perfect"  
I said shoving the unconscious bodies one after one in the arcade.

* * *

"Sorry Haru _*thun_ and with this, it's over"  
I grinned after I completed my masterful transport of human luggage.

Oh dear, I was all sweaty, I wanted a shower! Or better a trip to the apartment's spa. Yeah, warm stones all over my body, callouses elimination, and all that other stuff.

"Jeanne, dear Jeanne, stop indulging in this tempting thoughts and go to see what the hell is going on okay? Okay"  
I told myself slapping my cheeks, a decade in this century and all my endurance against earthly vices had gone to the other world.

I truly was no saint.

Quickly finding the emergency stairs I climbed on the roof of the arcade. As I came outside the cool wind began to slash my face, normally I would have shrugged but at this point, I had bigger concerns than the temperature, so I ignored everything and directed my stare towards the road I came from.

Dark silhouettes were dancing on the roofs trying to avoid crimson bullets, the numbers were clearly inferior in comparison to a few minutes ago and it kept shrinking. I still had no idea how could so many shadows exist in the first place and actually resisting for so long against Archer and Berserker.

Why? Well because to put it in kind terms the situation was desperate.  
Assassin had chosen as foes probably the worst couple servants of the whole Holy Grail War, really the pair that dominated long-range attacks and close combat; fighting them alone was pure madness. I could see why Hachiman had done everything possible to get Lancer's support and used so many pages of his notebook in magical baits.

At this point he was probably planning a counter-attack with Lancer using every second his familiars could buy him.

"Still I don't see Saber anywhere around"  
I grimaced scanning all the side streets.

Did Assassin put her inside one of those shadows? Nah it would have been too risky.

"If I was the old man what would I do with an unconscious servant like Saber? First I wouldn't kill her because switching mode to have an offensive phantasm would mean losing all the familiars that are keeping busy Archer and Berserker. Also attempting the deed with a simple weapon or magic would mean wasting resources against Saber's dexterity and magical defenses... plus the risk of waking her up.  
So I'd say Hachiman just reinforced the illusion to keep her down and had his fox hide her somewhere... but what if she managed to wake up and started moving... he must have bugged Saber!"  
I realized grabbing my smartphone.

"Siri open MyTraker"

"Opening MyTraker"

* * *

Yes, I have an app to follow all the bugs Sieg and Assassin place. And to be fair it was by far one of the best choices I ever made. You think that with the limited emotional spectrum of my guys they'd be able to control their quirks in a mature way... Wrong. Wrong, wrong... Sieg used to be neutral to almost everything, but as he started to developed interests and hobbies he began to have several attitudes that... overstepped common sense: I never saw those passionate acts as a problem, no, I actually felt happy that he was able to genuinely love something... however things kind of got out of hand as he started to use military-grade tools to track the deposits were various manga in limited edition were stored.  
Assassin on the other hand just liked to use the nanomachines to hear other people's business because, and here I quote, "He was bored of listening to the mediocre teen rom-com Sieg and I kept on and needed something new".  
Thus I now knew when and where they used spy robots... someone had to keep an eye on them. And the fact that they also checked whenever I bugged food trucks is only a side effect.

"25 bugs currently in use"  
I read observing a bunch of red points spread across Fuyuki.

Moving my fingers on the screen I removed the markers older than a day and made sure to highlight only the one placed by Assassin.

Only 3 points remained on the screen one was in Fuyuki's residential district, another close to Fuyuki's artificial lake and the last...

"Exactly here"  
I muttered tapping on my clothes.

I couldn't believe it he bugged me! How? When? Why?!

"Yeah... why?"  
I thought as I began to digest the info I just got.

Hachiman wouldn't have any good reason to put a bug on me, plus the other two signals were too far.  
"So that means"  
I said doing a few side steps while the red point stayed still.

Saber was in this building.

* * *

Using my phone I began to roam for the arcade trying to find on which floor Assassin had hidden Saber. After cheking most floors I found myself in front of a suspicious wall. Now I know, how can a wall be suspicious? Let's say that the wall itself wasn't suspicious but it's position, well that was another deal.

The arcade was four stores tall, and the basic layout of every floor was the same, yet on the second floor there was in a hallway there was a door less than on the other floors. So well the wall where there was supposed to be a door was suspicious.

Extending my hands I touched the "wall", but instead of the feeling of concrete, my hand felt cool metal.

"An illusion obviously"  
I thought, opening the door.

I didn't bother to check for any traps: the magical defense of the ruler class was enough to deal with whatever spell Hachiman prepared. Luckily there were no traps just... a bunch of foxes playing games.

"UH?"  
I volubly said to convey all my confusion.

The whole room was filled with nearly 80 foxes. A third of them that was playing Street Fighter with their furry pawns, another of the foxes had their tails stuck in the games and the last third was sat in circle making weird symbols appear in the air.

None of the magical animals seemed to notice my presence too absorbed in their own tasks, So I walked across the room and stretched to see what the foxes were looking at.

On each of their monitor there was a different angle of the street where Archer and Berserker were, every fox was controlling a 2D character that moved across the screen while several NPC just moved randomly.

Suddenly I felt the desire of slamming my palm on my face grow, and actually I did smack my hand on my face. I couldn't believe it that mad man used fighting games to fight the actual holy grail war... I didn't know if I was impressed or utterly scandalized by the level of autism.

"But I guess Hikigaya Hachiman is Hikigaya Hachiman"  
I said observing that most of the foxes kept playing at the game even if game-over was written on the screen.

Judging from the efficiency of the place Assassin must have planned this room long ago. I wasn't an expert, but I could tell that the main structure of this... augmented reality game were the foxes sat in circle, they probably maintained the connection between the foxes that kept controlling Archer and Berserker and the ones stuck in the games. They exchanged input and output signals for the shadow familiars that at this point I believed were barely more than 3D shadows. It was even likely that they couldn't procure any harm. They were just a decoy after all, plus since Berserker had his cognitive abilities reduced and Archer used long-range attacks they couldn't realize they had been playing with over-glorified balloons.

Finishing my detour of the room I finally found the person I was searching: Saber. Her thin figure was lying in a corner of the room while her face drolled on the floor, I'll be honest if it wasn't that she was absolutely gorgeous it would have been pretty disgusting.

"This is weird... leaving her without any guard. Something feels off"  
I said looking around.

"Please, please no booby traps"  
I silently begged until I noticed that all the foxes had began to fade.

What the hell was going on? Was the decoy over? Dammit, I couldn't come up with a single answer. The only thing I managed to do was moving close to Saber and cover her with my own body expecting an explosion but...

Nothing happened... the light went away for a second, all the noise made by the arcade games stopped at once and for an endless moment I found myself surrounded by silence.

TZZZZ TZZZZZZ

Static noise began to come out form a single game and then a clear imagine appeared. It was the street of before but this time Archer and Berserker were accompanied by a black swirling cloud that kept becoming wider and wider.

"ASSASSIN!"  
Screamed Archer letting loose a rain of crimson arrows.

"Wrong, guess again!"  
Retorted Lancer's cocky voice bursting out of the cloud with his spear held straight while all Archer's arrows got deflected by a mysterious force.

"Lancer, how!"  
Muttered the tanned servant caught in surprise.

Surprise that lasted just a moment, as he managed to dodge Lancer's blade by the skin of his teeth.

"How am I here? I'd say I'm like you. I just made a new friend"  
Replied Lancer stopping with the Gae Bolg a pair of twin swords Archer just summoned.

Sparks of metal began to lit the night as the servants exchanged blows at frightening speed. They started to dance at the tempo of slashes and lunges, none of them seemed able to top the other and both of them didn't want to give up; their fight might have continued for the whole night, unfortunately, after a few moments of battle a roar tore the air.

"RGAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"  
Berserker had decided to join the fight.

Crushing the ground under his immense strength the mad servant had jumped towards Lancer swinging his sword-ax. I could already see Lancer cut in two parts but then... he smiled

"Assassin now!"  
Screamed him as a hand broke through the roof of the building under his feet and dragged him down.

Lancer disappeared in cloud of dust, just before a ring of light, large as car, rose up in his place. The ring surrounded both Berseker and Archer and then tightened in a flash trapping the two servants together.

"WAAAAAAAAAA!"  
Suddenly Assassin's distinctive voice roared making the light ring spin out of control and slam all over the place dragging the two servants along.

All the buildings in that area got trashed under the power of a demolition ball made out of two servants. Towers of dust and debris filled the air until nothing was left to see.

The noise was too much I couldn't understand a thing, then a green arrow broke out from that chaos freezing the building where Lancer and Assassin were hidden. Only a moment after and Berserker came out charging against the building to the ground and leveling to the ground.

Debris scattered everywhere, the only visual I was getting was a mess, yet I managed to notice two blurs, one black and the other blue, jumping across pieces of walls ad other stuff.

"Berserker get Lancer!"  
Shouted Archer summoning his bow and shooting another ail of arrows.

Eight arrows of different colors dashed against Lancer aiming right to his torso. No matter Lancer's dexterity if those shots hit him it was game over, I could tell it, each of those arrows contained a frightening amount of power, still... Lancer didn't even acknowledge them as treat he just charge through.

"You just don't learn, do you?"  
Roared Lancer as all the arrows got deflected by the same invisible force as before.

"Bold of you to assume, you were my target"  
Grinned Archer as the deflected arrows moved right against Assassin.

All the arrows exploded in jewel-like flames blocking Hachiman on every front. He was going to become a tasty crisped servant, however, before it was too late a fox jumped out from Hachiman's sleeve and turned in the same light ring that he used a few moments ago. The ring began to rotate forming a sphere around Assassinthat tanked most of the incoming attack, but of course, it wasn't enough, the sheer power of those arrows shot Assassin across the street making him crash against a light-pole.

"Bastard!"  
Screamed the blue servant as his ally fell on the ground.

In a crimson flash, Lancer brought down his spear on Archer's head, still, the servant of the bow generated a scimitar at the last moment and used its curve blade to gently deflect Lancer's blow.

* _SWIIIN_

The Gae Bolg slammed against the asphalt sending debris everywhere, Lancer's eyes widened in a combination of surprise, spite, and curiosity, while the rest of his expression was unreadable... mostly because Archer had sent his boot straight on the blue servant's nose.

*Crack

The sound of bones breaking made me chill as Lancer crashed in what remained of the building Berserker... got close to.

"Okay that's not going well, like at all"  
I said observing the moveless Assassin and the groaning Lancer.

It was clear that both of them weren't in their peak form: Assassin had been fighting all night while Lancer was missing an ear and despite not having used much mana he seemed sloppy, it was like he couldn't properly channel the strength in his limbs. AND to had more gasoline on the fire Archer had just gotten serious he had just summoned a new weapon and adopted a fighting style totally different from before.

"This looks bad"  
I thought while my hand reflexively extended ready to summon my flag.

"Hey ass, just who are you?" You got swords, a bow, and a ridiculous hair cut if I give you a trim starting from the neck will you tell me who the hell you are?"  
Asked Lancer jumping away from Berserker's sword-ax

"Tempting"  
Grinned Archer observing the two servants engaging each other in a fight.  
"However I'm sorry Lancer tonight you'll be the big guy's guest, I have another opponent"

 _*BOOOMMM_

Leaving an afterimage behind Archer dashed towards Assassin, His sword flashed like a snake's fang right against Assassin's throat.

"Hikigaya!"  
I screamed.

This was too much to handle, I was summoning him back with a command seal, or at least that was what I was going to do until I saw one last fox jump out Hachiman's shadow and intercept Archer's scimitar.

 _*FUUHAAAAMMMM_

An explosion of smoke clouded the whole street.

TZZZ

The screen was shaken again by static images and then the video returned to work, this time projecting a different camera shot.

Apparently this new foxy reporter was terribly close to Archer since I could see the tanned servants outline even through all the heavy smoke.

 _Pam Pam Pam_

 _Thin Thin Thin_

Three gunshots followed by the sound of three slashing sounds suddenly invaded the audio.

"YEAH GET HIM ASSASSIN! ATTA BOY"  
I thought realizing the battle was far from over.

"The scimitar of the elite forces of Süleyman the magnificent, that's some rare stuff you got there Archer"  
Said Assassin moving in the smoke.  
"Only 100 of them forged, and probably less than ten arrived to this day if I'm not wrong those swords had the power to cut through illusions, "Reveal the true way", or something like that to sound more poetic. I have to say though yours is not that great for cutting bullets, I got your cheek am I right Archer?"  
He asked staying hidden.

"Sheer luck, however, I'm surprised you have kin eye Assassin, not many can recognize this blade."

"Believe me the fact that there's engraved "elite forces of Süleyman the magnificent" on the hilt gave me a hint"

"... you can read Arabic."

"I can read Arabic"

"Well isn't that interesting"  
Grinned Archer lowering his stance.

"Indeed like the fact you possess a sword that has nothing to do with the two twin swords you used until a minute ago. Age and origin don't match up also their condition is way too perfect, many people would say that's a nice riddle, but... I know a thing many people do not, can you guess it, Archer?"

"I'd say my identity, after all, it's not the first time we have faced each other, you don't have your tattoos but I remember you... Snake."

"Ohoh ho so you have realized Counter guardian of iron, I'm truly tempted to say it's a pleasure to meet you, but we all know what happened the last four times we saw each other. To be honest thanks to the Rooth I only have faint memories of your face or of any other counter guardian, but you know after our little scuffle I'm sure about your identity and also that you looked far more cool when you had your hair shorter and used guns."

"... what?"

"Oh right... you kind of weren't in you at that time. _Too much edge for you to handle_. Ignore it... _ehm ehm_ with that said I always thought it would have been much fun to share one plate of locusts one day; you counter guardians are all such a fascinating rotten bunch."

"Can't deny it... but we'll never seat at the same table and as now I'm sure you know who I am... I don't have to hold back anymore, prare yourself your war ends now."

"... Pff Bring it on bitch"

 **"I am"**

 _"Kitsune Dorobo"_

 **"The bone of my sword"**

 _"Light series"_

* * *

Lightings of mana, ominous lights and the ground itself crumbling into pieces, that's how the scenery looked when two servants decided to go all out.

As if a hurricane had just decided to strike in the center of Fuyuki the smoke around the two servants got pushed aside forming a ring for them. Proud and fierce Assassin and Archer were standing just a few feet from each other, their killing intent was so much even I could feel the mystic pressure they were releasing.

Two super-predators of the Moonlit world had pushed aside their limitation and committed to a single mission: Win.

"AH!"  
"GHA!"

With a war cry they both dashed, Archer lowering his scimitar and Hachiman covering his forearms with twelve rings of light.

 _*Boom_

A sonic boom shook the screen and then my eyes landed upon the restless battle of the most technical warriors I ever saw.

Slamming his hands together Assassin caught Archer's blade, the earth trembled, but Hachiman didn't even flinch, he swept aside the scimitar and did a back-flip.  
* _THUN_ Assassin's foot smashed on Archer's chin, the tanned servant got pushed off the ground while Hachiman waited to be parallel to it to materialize a ring under his soles. Assassin tensed his muscles to the limit and pushed his feet on the ring using it as a stepping stone. Like an arrow of golden light, he shot himself against Assassin ready to land a solid enchanted punch on Archer's face, however the latter twisted in midflight and dodged the devastating blow.

"Trace on"

The scimitar suddenly disappeared from Archer's hands replaced by two strings of mana that twisted on each other and on Assassin's ankle before becoming a red Kusarigama (sickle chain).

"WAH!"  
With a rough scream, Archer landed on the ground his hands tightened around the sickle and pulled with the power only a servant could muster. Assassin was dragged down on earth with, crushing on the ground and sending shards of road everywhere, but it wasn't over yet. Archer lost no time, the moment Hachiman landed the tanned servant immediately bang to whirl the chain adding more and more rings of metal around Hachiman's leg while a red hot gleam lighted up the whole weapon.

"AAHHHGGG"  
Groaned Assassin as the chain began to scorch his leg, trying to free himself Assassin threw against Archer two of the rings he had around his forearms... only to have Archer dodge thFem with ease.

The red servant grinned increasing the temperature of his weapon.  
"Is that all you go-* _BAM BAM BAM_ "

Without even letting Archer conclude his provocation, Assassin drew his guns and began to release a storm of bullets against Archer.  
The left leg left shoulder and the right hip of the red servant got pierced by the projectiles, however, as Archer recognized the threat he started to use his weapon to block all the incoming attacks until Assassin's magazines emptied.

"Ugh you're good chocolate guy, cut all my bullets, but none covers your back"  
Grinned Assassin the moment the two rings he threw before returned back and exploded on Archer's shoulders.

* _BOOOMMM_

Archer got shot right against Hachiman, who didn't waste the occasion to jump on his feet and kick Archer in his ribs with his chained leg.

"URGHHH"  
The servant of the bow arched forward under the sheer amount of strength, still, it wasn't enough to defeat him. Bracing himself Archer suppressed the pain and swung his sickle towards Assassin's face, a blazing arc lit the air between the two servants, but before the blow connected the nth fox familiar appeared for Assassin's shadow and jumped to bite Archer's arm.

The red hot blade still left a bloody arc on Hachiman's chest but thanks to the little furry fox his neck was spared. Gritting his teeth Assassin pushed Archer back while entangling the latter's arm and neck in the same chain that trapped him.

 _*FTZZZ_

The same sound of a steak getting grilled filled the air... mmmm steak, No No Jeanne head in the game the stakes are too high to get distracted. Get it stakes... why none's ever around when I'm funny

Having said that.

Archer found himself trapped in his own red-hot weapon ceased to fed mana to the Kusarigama, and focused only on the melee combat between him and Assassin. In fact not even chained to one another the two servants decided to stop, they kept exchanging blow after blow using the chain around them to manipulate each other's movements.  
Like puppets that wanted to become the puppeteer.  
Punches, kicks and all kinds of blows mixed in what looked like an extremely eccentric dance among two partners that couldn't decide if they wanted to stick as close as they could or as far as possible.

Observing their exchange it was clear that Archer was physically superior, each of his attacks was worth the double of Assassin's ones and with his superior strength, he was the one that kept mayor control over the chain. Still, Hachiman's fighting style was all about battling superior opponents, Assassin used every chance he got to absorb Archer's blow and send them back with interest while managing to clearly read Archer's future moves.

I found mesmerizing how an Assassin that's supposed to work from the shadows and an Archer meant to fight from long range could show such amazing skills in close combat.

"RHAAAAAAA!"  
Roared Archer driving his fist on Assassin's face that unexpectedly...just tanked it.

"URGHH"  
"UH?"  
Groaned both servants one in pain the other in surprise.

That one last punch was something Assassin could easily dodge, no something Archer expected him to dodge, a punch with not that much power in it. What Hachiman was expecting.

Grabbing Archer's arm with one hand Assassin kept the punch of the tanned servant stick to his face not to let him escape, all while the rings of light on the freehand began to spin and glow.

A flash... and then Assassin's fist met Archer's face at supersonic speed.

 _*TWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAM_

The wind howled and for a moment I expected to see Archer's head fly away, but I only got to see a bunch of silver blades fall off Archer's cheek, a defense of some sort I guessed, but it was weird it was almost like his _body had become steel for a moment_.

Both the two men found themselves with a fist on the face and the eyes of their opponent right before theirs. For an instant, they stayed still.

TZZZZZ

The video began to get distorted again, the imagines kept coming and going, but something didn't feel right: Archer's eyes sometimes appeared golden instead of silver, while his hair seemed to get random red spots, but the freaky part wasn't over, Assassin's IVs randomly glitched to VIII and both the servants looked shorter and with scarves for a few frames.

Maybe the magical transmission was getting weaker and the sprites of Tekken were overlapping with the two servants.

TZZZ

"Foxes go!"  
Shouted Assassin letting loose from his shadow five familiars.

With tiny howls, the little beasts went to bite the chain that blocked Hachiman and Archer ripping it apart.

Archer gasped in surprise, he couldn't know that Assassin's noble phantasm could analyze mystic codes, probably Assassin had spent the last minutes to analyze the chain in order to break it. But still, it was impossible he could code a destruction spell right now unless.

" _ **oh you that stole my time  
**_ _ **appear at my side and please  
**_...  
 _ **don't leave me alone  
** **I don't know how to love"**_

He used the real name of his Noble Phantasm.

" **Teach me** _**the most basic elements of all** **"**_

 _(_ _Oshiete Iroha no i_ _)_

 _教えて_ _イロハのイ_

* * *

Now let's be concise Kitsune dorobo is a notebook made to store pre-casted spell and then use them. Calling the true name of this phantasm reversed cause and effect, for 300 seconds Assassin could use all the spells he could think of even if they exceeded the 300 limit, however, the diary will remain useless until all the spells used get written again and all the mana owned paid back.

To be fair I didn't expect or hope to see this particular Phantasm in action so soon in the war. It was Assassin's ace in the hole, I mean his only **real** ace in the hole a weapon that could be released at any moment and that could actually put an end to a battle.

"Father don't do anything stupid"  
I begged silently still hidden in the arcade.

Starring at Hachiman's fight I couldn't help but feel a weird sensation across my whole body, it was like boiling mud was filling my stomach. I was torn apart by the indecision I wanted to help my family, but I was terrified by the idea of the grail worsening my mana situation if I was to go against the role I have been given.

It felt disgusting knowing to be able to make a difference but being stuck in a filthy arcade with only a drolling girl to keep me company.

"DAAAAHHHHHH! I hate this"  
I said destroing a random game with a punch.

"I don't know what's the right thing to do"  
I thought ripping out of my head some blonde and silver hair.

Wait silver, how come that I had silver _hai-BATHUN!_  
Before I could finish wondering a tiny fox with a message on its back sneaked behind me.

It was a familiar meant for searching a precise person Assassin must have had programmed this one while activating the true name of his Phantasm.

"Hey little one what do you have for me?"  
I said kneeling in front of the fox before the little thing jumped in my hand and turned in a simple piece of paper.

It was a fully written page, pretty unusual since Assassin preferred to be concise. With my tongue, I wetted the tip of my index and started to go through the text. After each word, I could feel my anger grow stronger and once I needed my reading I just crumpled the whole thing and summoned my armor.

Without my knowledge, my eyes began to glow of yellow and completely ignoring Saber I jumped out of the window.

"OH THAT USELESS DEAD EYED IDIOT! HE DID A TRIPLE BLUFF TO GO OUT WITH STYLE! DAMN I'LL BROKE HIS ANKLES WITH STYLE"

* * *

 _In the meantime_

* * *

"WWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
Hachiman's roar tore the night while from his shadow the figure of a woman rose up.

It looked like she was made of folded paper, she looked beautiful, but her appearance lasted in this world only a couple of seconds as she hugged Assassin's back and shattered in thousands of pages that flew almost everywhere.

Many of them immediately turned in magic seals around Hachiman and started to shoot Archer that in the meantime had recovered and built up his mana.

 **"steel is my body"**  
Chanted the tanned servant charging restless.

Bolts of power flowed live rivers out Archer, he summoned his twin blades and cut down all the mana bullets incoming, still his eyes nearly didn't notice them he was only focused on Assassin.

That with a war cry.  
"COME!"  
Followed Archer's example running straight against opponent with the rings of light around his arms brighter than ever.

Like two stray lightnings the two servants clashed, or at least they passed really close to each other ducking the blows of their opponent. And so it began a short-ranged confrontation between Archer and Assassin, burning the ground itself with the speed of their feet the two men slashed and thrust their weapon of choice; Assassin had decided to stick with the light rings he had used through all the fight, but this time he was grabbing them in his hands and using them like circular knives while Archer kept materializing and smaterializing swords and spears of every length and origin.

It was almost like Assassin was fighting dozens of different opponents that could switch at any moment, just keeping up with the sudden arrival of a new weapon must have been incredibly taxing on mind level.

Archer was truly going all out adapting in a single deadly dance so many different fighting styles, truly a one-man army, however, he simply couldn't reach Assassin since he kept summoning laser-shooting rings, stepping points and foxes to maintain a tridimensional fighting style and a continuous assault from all directions.

Archer couldn't have a moment to breathe, but that didn't bother him he just became faster and faster. In fact, it was a question of a few moments before the weapons of the two servants began clashing and sending sparks everywhere. Archer assault was incredibly aggressive and versatile, Assassin couldn't adapt fast enough to his opponent's moves to counter-attack.

"GHA!"  
With one last desperate grunt Hachiman threw the halos he held in his hands against Archer, who just danced between them, only to be greeted by a barrage of over enchanted fists.

Releasing all the energy left within the rings around his arms Assassin covered his fists in pure golden light and started to battle Archer in a wild storm of attacks. Fists against blades.

They were both too fast for the video, I could only grasp blur frames and hear the shock waves after each blow. They kept going like that until Hachiman stopped with his bare fingers Archer's twin blades and kicked him in the guts, pushing him on the edge of the smoke ring that confined them.

"Okay... I'm done"  
Said Assassin as he fell on his knees completely out of breath.  
"I have pushed myself too much gah... sigh"

"Mph so you admit defeat"  
Grunted Archer struggling to stand straight, he had taken quite the beating too also lost a lot of blood.

"Never said that I just said I'm done... with my plan UHGWAAAA!"  
Roared Hachiman extending his hand forwards.

Suddenly the smoke surrounding the two servants disappeared and 500 kg of Berseker trapped in light rings crashed against Archer.

"Christ took you long enough buddy, next time we see each other you'd better pay for all my rounds at the pub"  
Cursed a bloodied Lancer wearing what just remained of his armor.  
"Geez without my battle continuation skill I would have already died"

"Sorry this guy was tougher than I expected, how's the bounded field"

"Ready and operative, but heck those familiars of yours suck, I had to do most of the coding for base structure myself WHILE that asshole kept trying to kill me. At one point I didn't even think you actually had a plan buuuuttttt... those pages appeared so we're cool, I'm no Caster but I still know my way around runes and to produce an arrow defense spell? Ah, that's a joke for me."

"Perfect"  
Said Assassin while a bunch of orange letters began to surround him.

Debris from all over the place rose up from the ground glowing of the same orange light.

"I guess this is my last night here"  
Whispered Hachiman letting all the power he had left flow in his noble Phantasm.

The letters around him started to spin, while the kitsune dorobo notebook emerged from his shadow.

 **"System override, full mana release"**

In an instant, the artifact ceased to exist in a corporeal form and turned in a pure flash of mana. The letters around Assassin mold together until they embraced his body like flame.

"First tail: open"

Bursting like a storm of fireworks all the debris began to dash wildly in every direction destorying everything they found on their path.

Archer that was still trapped under Berserker managed to move away his enormous ally and extended his hand towards the sky.

 **"RO AIAS!"**

A flower-like shield appeared to protect the two servants from the incoming projectiles.  
*THUN THUN THUN  
The debris drummed against the shield buncing off and restarting their mad rush.

Given their random pattern the debris should have dispersed in a matter of seconds, however, thanks to the bounded field Lancer deployed all the projectiles once they hit the limit of field just bounced back with their speed doubled.

" **AAAAAAHHHHH Second tail: open** "  
Screamed Assassin as the flame around him assumed the shape of an anthropomorphic fox with two tails.

The debris began to move even faster, they were attacking everything except Lancer and Assassin.

" **Third and fourth tails: open** "  
Continued Assassin adding two more tails to his aura.

"GHAAA!"  
Groaned Archer as his shield began to crack.

" **Com'on com'on, Fith sixth seventh eight tails: open"**

Pouring even more mana in his attack Hachiman increased the speed of his bullets until the only thing left to see in the bounded field was an orange light trying to swallow a purple one.

"Bye-bye, brats avoid to die when I'm gone...  
Kuku an Assassin that's going to take down two servants in one shot. Must be a record  
 **ninth tails: open** "  
Whispered Hachiman almost out of energy.

His body was totally immersed in the body of a nine-tailed fox, his projectiles had lost their orange light and replaced it with one with the same color of blood... while Archer... while Archer had reached his limit. Maintaining a defensive phantasm such as the Ro aias for that long against so many attacks had drained practically all his mana, yet he couldn't stop if Archer had lowered his defense even for a second death would have arrived to greet him.

 **"** Farewell counter guardian may our paths cross in another timeline"  
Smiled Hachiman giving one last stare to the tanned servant.

The tails of his aura began to move restlessly ready to release all their power.

 **"Complete release of the inhibitions:  
Howl of the nokitsu- "**

 ** _"LUMINOSITE' ETERNELLE"_**

But then an arrow of pure holy energy made breach through the bounded field and the debris, landing directly on Assassin.

"Oh, you fucking dead-eyed moron. Now you have made me angry"

* * *

 _A few moments earlier_

* * *

Dear _Gamine_

 _These past few weeks have been hard for all of us. The brat is stronger than ever, however, I'm sure you realize how much of a burden we are on his shoulders.  
The condition of my body has always haunted me in the past years, but even so, I never took action to remove one or two of my modes in order to support the brat better. Unfortunately for all of us, I'm selfish and a coward. The old man I have become has grown to attached to all his memories to give them up and for this reason, I'm humbly sorry.  
Still, it's a parent's duty to make sure his children have a chance to obtain happiness so I'm going to do the two of you a present: I'm getting rid of three servants in one shot and giving you gamine a valid reason to give up your Ruler job.  
You know how was the Japanese aviation, Kamikaze here, Kamikaze there, well I'm going out as a true citizen of my country (even though this statement is absurdly racist)  
So bye, ship my stuff to some Oroboro base and name your first son after me._

 _Ps  
_ _If I also take down Lancer... be sure to make the epitaph on my grave say I was a badass._

 _Pss  
_ _Please make sure my younger self survive, I don't want to say the world is screwed without him buuuutttttt I'd like to avoid discovering otherwise._

 _Psss  
Sieg... I mean the brat... was using some kind of red magic before, be sure to open this talk might be important._

 _Be a better servant than me and don't be too angry if I reversed your reverse psychology to make you go away. Your old man still knows how to treat youngsters_

 _Assassin I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII._

* * *

"OH, THAT USELESS DEAD EYED IDIOT! HE DID A TRIPLE BLUFF TO GO OUT WITH STYLE! DAMN I'LL BROKE HIS ANKLES WITH STYLE"

Rushing out from the arcade I was so angry my eyes only saw red, that and probably the fact I was using absurd amounts of mana when I should've been resting.

It was the first time in a very long time I actually used my body to its 100%, it felt amazing it was like every single vein, every muscle had woken up from a deep sleep. I was almost caught by surprise as I leaped on top of the building of Fuyuki in a flash and with the minimum effort. Guts of wind slashed on my face letting me taste what being a heroic spirit meant I felt my power rise.

I truly felt Jeanne D'arc the leader of armies.

"Now where the hell is Assassin _* **Boom**_ Oh, there he is "  
I thought observing a dome of orange light blooming out of nowhere.

Hachiman had decided to release all his power at once... and while that wasn't so much... lol... it was still a massive amount of energy able to completely erase a part of Fuyuki.

Leaping above the bounded field I aimed my flag down towards the fulcrum all that power, with heels straight and a pose I discovered in that one lesson of pole dance I took, I descended from the heavens spinning like a drill.

In nine years Sieg wasn't the only one who had learned something new. My mana run through my flag making it shine like a comet it was time to get that idiot Assassin and or how Sieg would have said playing an FPS.

"I'm coming to put you in place MADA FAKKKAAAAA"

 _ **"LUMINOSITE' ETERNELLE"**_

Like a holy arrow, I crashed through the bounded field destroying anything that tried to stop me, red masses of energy were turned to dust against my Phantasm.

"Pff I have turned my holy defense in an offensive weapon... Assassin's influence did quite the number of me"  
I thought finally reaching the old man right a moment before he released all the mana he had left.

* _CRACK_

A pretty creepy sound roared as my heel bashed against Assassin's nape sending his face on the road; his concentration immediately faded along with all his spells. A rain of debris and dust started to pour all over the place. A thick blanket covered everything leaving no light to see. I could feel Lancer presence nearby so trying to modulate my voice to make it sound deeper I said.  
"I am Batman"

"... Pardon?"

"Nothing... I'm the Ruler servant. This city has suffered too much damage in one night, all servants must retire"

"How can I trust what you're saying?"  
Growled Lancer moving the Gae Bolg against my throat, only to have his spear deflected by the staff of my flag and the tip of my weapon under his neck.

"Because I'm trying to solve the situation with the good way and not in the bad one"  
I hissed with a voice far more poisonous than I expected... Darn it I felt so furious right now that everything I did was filled with anger.

"From the sound of my friend's skull, your good way is pretty... intense"  
Whispered Lancer moving his spear towards Hachiman's face.

Ara? Was I keeping my foot on his nape and continued to kick him even though he was down?

Yes... Uh, I was doing it unconsciously...

"Doesn't look like a problem"  
I thought ignoring Assassin's pained grunts.  
That asshole deserved it.

"You have my word he will not receive any permanent injuries. I'm just repaying some emotional damage... Assassin... has quite a debt with me in that departement"

"Did he ehm dump you?"  
Asked Lancer not too sure about what to do next.

From the anxiety in his voice, I could tell he knew what meant making a woman angry.

"Good that should make everything easier"  
I grimaced putting back my flag.

"Something like that"  
I said raising my foot away from Assassin just to smash it down again a second after.

"Ouch.., _why! What did my head do?"_

Damn, I felt so sexy while stomping on someone.

"I see... so, you got your things going on so... well goodnight"  
Fidgeted Lancer disappearing.

One servant gone three left.

"Gamine could you move your damn foot"  
Groaned Hachiman trying to crawl away from my heel.

"Oh sorry!"  
I apologized instinctively letting the old man go.

"Wait I'm still angry with you"  
I immediately realized placing my shoe on Hachiman's ribs.

"KUH! _please I need air."_

"And I need an explanation, going full Kamikaze really? After all these years you're willing to die like that? I don't know if I'm more angry thinking about what you have nearly done, or about the fact you thought this was a good idea!"  
I whispered glacial bringing my face closer to Assassin's one while gritting my teeth.

GOSH I WAS LIVID.

"Gamine your eye-"

"Don't you dare to change topic, were you seriously going to suicide? Answer me. No I know you were serious about it but please give me two good reasons!"

"I have written them in the letter, the brat can finally sustain you in the war and you'd be free from the Ruler's obligations. God, don't you get it? I used practically all the aces I had up in my sleeve tonight. I have lost my value and it won't be long before any master realize that it just takes a bit of planning to take me down. I'm not half as strong as you and the brat think I am. 9 years of planning and in two weeks everything got screwed. Open your eyes Jeanne! If you really want to be happy you know what I'm talking about"  
Spitted Hachiman while the IVs in his eyes shone sadly and a little bit of blood came out of his mouth.

"So what you just give up on your desire? Do you leave the theatre after watching all the trailers but before the movie? Don't you want to see the ending?"

"..ah ha you've watched too much tv... Gamine, I have already reached 8 endings I'm content with. If I have to give up my ninth to make you two have yours... I'd just smile. Besides you can use the grail to bring me back once everything is over."  
Chuckled Assassin.

"You're not bluffing your way out this time"  
I replied cold.

"Oh.."  
He immediately stopped to laugh.  
"You found out...

"Bringing you back with the grail don't mess with me... we both know that if you die, and your soul gets stored in the grail, bringing you out again will make your multiple versions mix together until you self-destruct."

"Fuck a delayed mail was supposed to tell you that tomorrow. Still, believe me Gamine, you becoming the brat's main servant is your best shot to victory. And then once you have become a granny we'll meet in the throne of heroes and I'll ask you "So tell me, are you happy with the life you had?""

"... _No, not until I reach the route with the best ending"  
_ I whispered tightening my fists and pushing my foot harder on Assassin

 _"Ugh Gamine what did you say?"_

"I said not until I reach the best ending! That's what visual novels do right? They dump some irrational and poorly written finale to make everybody happy! I don't care if it isn't logical, I don't care if it's technically impossible I want an ending with all my family and I said ALL, so you included so you won't die until I decide your role has been fulfilled.  
AM. I. CLEAR?"  
I asked while a ring of flame appeared around me.

I was tired of morally important conclusions that left a bittersweet taste in my mouth, I WAS TIRED OF TITANIC. Give me the end of DRAGON BALL Z! _T_ _hat I have never watched but that sure seems like a happy ending._

"Child you've become greedy in these past years"  
Said Hachiman slipping away from my shoe.

"I've had a terrible parental figure"  
I retorted while he walked past me.

"Mph... guess so. I'm going to fetch Saber and the brat. Try not to get home too late"

"Just prepare a bunch of pancakes and blood candies I'll need them"  
I told him shaking my head.

And then we took separate ways, he moved away from the battlefield and I went deeper into it.

* * *

Following the heavy pants of Archer and Berserker, I made my way through the dust until I found myself on the edge of a scorched crater, there Archer was lying on his back trying to gasp air while Berserker was digging out from a building his weapon. Similarly to Assassin and Lancer, Archer looked exhausted, however, Berserker seemed still up for a fight.

 _*SWUN_

Swiping my flag I cleared away all the dust. My figure suddenly appeared clear to the two servants that could only watch at me with a puzzled stare.

Now the hard part was coming, I had to buy Assassin as much time as I could, still, there were a fair number of problems with that: first of all mana after using my noble phantasm I wasn't going to last much longer especially if I had to fight, second Archer and Berserker weren't going to stay quiet only because I asked them AND THIRD! I had no idea what to say next.

I couldn't lie with a straight face, seriously I had the worst poker face ever.

"... _etto..._ Good evening Berserker and Archer"  
I said using my most solemn voice.  
"I'm the Ruler servant of this holy grail war"

* * *

 _Lies_

* * *

"With the role to oversee this battle among heroic spirits.

* * *

 _Done a pretty good job so far bitch._

* * *

Tonight the city of Fuyuki has already suffered enough cease all the hostilities at on- **G** **HA** _lying_ "

"Wait what was that?"  
I thought suddenly unable to move.

I tried to say something to the two servants in front of me, but no words wanted to come out from my mouth, I tried again and again, still nothing, it was like I had been trapped in my own flesh. Then something muddy creep up my throat. It felt disgusting and unnaturally warm. I couldn't understand if it was something real or just an illusion.

Archer and Berserker glared at me with confused stares as I began to shake. The muddy substance reached my mouth.  
Mhp... For some reason I expected to vomit everything I had drunk tonight, yet, instead of disgusting liquid from my lips just came out a voice. My voice.  
"All you do is lying."

A cold bolt run on my spine and no matter how hard I thought I couldn't understand what the hell was happening.  
My body felt completely stiff. My mind fuzzy almost like I was falling asleep.

With what little strength I had left I only managed to mutter.  
"Wh-? No. Why should I lie?"

My words came out quietly, like a tiny gusts of wind that got lost in the night, none could hear them...except me of course.

"Lying? Why should you be lying? Isn't that a nice question me?"  
Said my voice while a scorching sensation seemed to embrace my body.

"Oh I know that I'm sure it's because servant assigned to this Ruler class shouldn't allow all the atrocities that are happening in this city RIGHT NOW"  
The voice kept speaking ignoring all my attempts to close my mouth.

I could feel an incredible anger in each of her words while I... I simply wanted her to stay silent because she was going to say all the things I never dared to let out from my mind.

"Innocent people being murdered to grant mana, bounded field meant to cannibalize the power of the human soul. My My what a poor job you're doing definitely not something to put on your Linkedil"

... _shut up_

"I don't believe that a hero meant to oversee this battle should let such things happen!"

...shut up

"All this time you struggled to keep up with this Ruler work but... ahaha look how far that got you... at the end of the day yours was only an act. Behaving like a perfect maiden while the best thing you could do was crawl in a hospital and live thanks to someone else's blood"

 _SHUT UP!_

"AHAHA I bet each of my words feels like a blade stabbing through your heart, right me? Kukuku and you know why? Beacuse deep down you know I'm right"

 _..GHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!_

I mentally cried desperate to re-obtain control of myself. I clawed with unexisting hands the emptiness around me but then, the fatal blow arrived.

 _"You may choose your morals over everything you achieved in this life... but I will not... if I'll end up in hell for this reason so be it."_

At that point... I lost all the strength to fight back. The voice was right, she had pushed out from my soul all the weights I was carrying, exposed all the mud I had inside me. It felt kind of relieving actually. I had finally accepted what I had tried to hide... I being pathetic and selfish just to be selfless. Quite ironic wasn't it?

Pfff... And what's even funnier was that I already knew everything, I just kept it in my subconscious.

"To think I just had to alter my mindset a bit to let all my hypocrisy out... alter... uh, Alter so that's who she is."  
I thought while my mind was drifting away.

She was just like Hachiman had said this Jeanne was a mirror image of a soul, generated by a composition of negative concepts... I had believed my Alter form would have come from my resentment towards the world, my spite towards those who betrayed me. But it wasn't like that. She embodied my fear... to lose who I loved she was the version of me I secretly longed to be.

A version of me that could keep tight what she loved no matter the consequences and that must have received love back.

...Truly a rotten ideal I didn't dare to reach.

"But at least she will love my family as much as they deserve"  
I softly thought before a tiny memory of today hammered against my brain.

* * *

 _"I always tried to be close to perfection for Sieg"_

 _"pfaahahahahahhaha you? perfect? Ahahahahahahahhahahahahahah?"_

 _"Hachiman stop being pointlessly mean"_

 _"ahaha Gosh do you think the brat married you because he believed you're perfect?"_

 _"Am I not the ideal gorgeous woman"_

 _"Fair point... but utterly meaningless for anybody who has spent at least a week with you, Gamine you know you have plenty of flaws and so do Sieg, no maybe he see much more flaws in you than you can imagine, but he has found something he loves so much about you that all those flaws disappear"_

 _"that's deep"_

 _"I'm stating facts, otherwise I can't explain how would he put up with you and your more disgraceful habits"_

 _"Hikigaya Hachiman fuck you"_

* * *

"You had to haunt me now old man, didn't you?"  
I sighed as my mind returned to wake up.

"Okay! Fine!"  
I cried while my head got filled by imagines of the other Jeanne fighting against Berserker

"Jeanne-fucking D'arc- _slash-_ Hikigaya a.k.a. The hypocrite and not pure at all me is going to drag that bitch where she belongs!"

* * *

 _In the meantime in the real world_

* * *

"Rgha?"  
Grunted Berserker rolling his oversized fingers.

"No... No I don't know what she is doing! "  
Retorted Archer struggling to reach a sitting pose.

The fight with Assassin and Lancer had drained much more stamina than he could handle. Another battle in the immediate future was more than he could resist. Berserker on the other side looked kind of fine, yes he seemed a bloody fountain but, given he had none to protect this time his limited cognitive capabilities were all focused on the pure combat.

"Rgharrh"  
Grunted again the mad servant moving his stare from his sword to a nearby rock.

"Ehm she stopped half-sentence saying she is a Ruler servant... don't think it's a great idea trying to kill her with your sword, she might snap out of it and be hostile. You saw how she broke through Assassin's attack like it was nothing."

"GHARG"

"I'm not being unfair if you really want, throw gently that damn rock and see what happen, if she doesn't react we move out"

"RouhH"  
Growled Berserker picking up the rock with the intention of tossing it at Ruler's feet.

 _*SWOOOOOONNNNNNNNN_

However intention and reality often differ... soooooo... A bullet of fifty kilograms hit Ruler straight in her chest sending her flying one hundred meters back.

 _*CRASH_

 _"_ I SAID GENTLY! _!"  
_ Screamed Archer with his eyes widened by the shook.

"Rgaa"

"Opsie? OPSIE! FUCK THAT RUN! WAIT pick me up, pick me up too!"  
Roared Archer while Berserker was wisely deciding to return to his master while leaving Archer behind.

But unfortunately a colossal blazed came out of nowhere and hit the giant servant right in the face shooting him back to Archer's side.

"...Fuuu. It's official I hate my life once again"  
Growled Archer summoning a pair of twin sword while barely able to stand on his feet.  
" _Trace on"_

 _"_ Sorry for the waiting _monsieurs_ I had a terrible time pushing away that holy bitch"  
A voice suddenly greeted the two servants.  
It was Ruler or at least a woman that looked like her but with darker clothes and lighter hair.

"I'm here to inform you that your participation in the holy grail war has come to an end"  
She continued while a ring of fire surrounded them.

The air behind Ruler's back began to tremble and then six red wings appeared.

Archer and Berserker didn't need any more words to know what was going to happen; those were command seals, they were going to commit suicide...

"GOD REALLY!? AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I GET ONE CHANCE TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT AND HOW DO I DIE? LIKE THIS! FUCK EVERYBODY AND MY E LEVEL LUCK"  
Mentally screamed Archer throwing his twin swords against Ruler just to have them destroyed by the hellfire that protected her.

"Why can't you send me a miracle once in a while God eh!"  
Cursed the tanned servant just before a mechanical voice came out of Ruler.

 _"Class protocol altered  
Psychological requirements: not acceptable._  
 _Temporary suppression of Ruler class skills and powers._  
 _Initializing temporary class: Avenger"_

And as the voice faded away so did the command seals.

"Oh, thank fucking you"  
Sighed Archer tracing other two swords.

In a flash both him and Berserker charged against the Avenger servant making use of the opening the Grail's control system gave them.

A well-placed slash and Jeanne d'Arc would have been no more. Repetition would, unfortunately for the two male servants the snow haired woman snapped out of her trance right a moment before the tragedy pushing Berserker away with a lethal blaze and stopping Archer's swords with her flag.

"Mon Dieu attacking a lady with no mercy, chivalry is truly death, however, I do appreciate gender equality"  
Grinned Jeanne swiping away Archer's blades.

An incredible amount of power suddenly propelled Archer back, who didn't even have the time to gasp in surprise before having to duck Jeanne's flag.

Her fighting style was all offense and zero defense.  
"She feels more like a hound than Lancer"  
Grimanced Archer pushing his speed beyond his limits.

He began to jump and fly basically anywhere in a full 360 assault against Avenger that had yet to scan and know the battlefield. It was a small advantage but even the most innocuous information could become a deadly weapon in a battle between servants. Archer finally managed to leave several cuts on Jeanne's body while the best thing she could do was deflect or dodge the most dangerous strikes.

The only problem, in this case, was that Archer's stamina was already over to begin with. The pacing he was keeping to thrust and slash at Jeanne's armor junctures was unbearable for his body; he knew that and in fact, the tanned servant saw himself as a decoy for Berserker...still.

"I'll win"

Was a pretty strong thought in his mind.

Like a red lightining Archer reached Jeanne's back and lowered the hilt of one of his swords making the woman growl in pain.

"GHA!"

The snow haired servant lost part of her grip on the flag, and Archer did not let that change go to waste.  
He slipped under Jeanne's legs and then blocked the woman's flag in a scizzor leg lock.

"RRGHAAA"  
A furious shout and Archer twisted himself so quickly to make Avenger lose her weapon and be hit by said weapon in the face.

Jeanne was sent flying against Berserker that like baseball player prepared himself to cut the enemy servant in mid-air. The woman should have panicked, her life was going to end in a matter of seconds, yet her expression remained still. No fear or doubt could be found in her eyes just a scorching determination.

" _Fire"  
_ Pointing her hands towards the sky Jeanne chanted one word that made a crimson flame bloom out of her plams.

As if that thing acted like a jet propeller the woman was shot on the ground, avoiding by the skin of her teeth Berserker's sword. _*CRACK_ a bone breaking noise filled the air as a small cloud of dust surrounded Jeanne, then _*SLASH_ Berserker lowered his ax-sword, he truly wanted to cut down Jeanne, however, his attack didn't meet nor flesh nor bone just a geyser of fire.

* _BBOOOMMMM_

Berserker's hand got carbonized and so his ax-sword.

"What? Forgot how to fight barehanded?  
Asked Jeanne devoided of her armor generating a flame under her feet.

In a flash, the woman dressed only in jeans, boots and a black coat punched the biggest servant in the holy grail war in the face with a fist surrounded by fire.

"GHAAA!"  
Berserker roared in pain while a massive amount of hellfire tried to destroy everything around Archer.

"AHHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH"  
Laughed maniacally Jeanne stopping with a wall of fire an arrow Archer had shoot towards her with his last ounce of strength.

"One down"  
Whispered the woman closing her fist and trapping the servant of the bow in a cage of fire.  
"And now- * _Punch"  
_ Berserker cut Avenger at mid-sentence with a sonorous fist in her cheek.

"Puah"  
Grunted Jeanne spitting a tooth and a copious amount of blood on the ground.  
"That's all you got?"  
She asked staring in the mismatched eyes of the-miraculously-still-standing-servant.

"Gharg"  
Retorted him.

"Guessed so, try again"  
Grinned the woman, with a challenging stare.

Berserker didn't need to be asked twice, he immediately swung his fist a second time. The blow connected, however, instead of hitting Jeanne's face Berserker's punch hit the woman's guard.

All the raw power behind Berserker's blow flowed within Jeanne's body making her spin right before his forearm.  
"Thanks old man, your insane lessons are paying off"  
Smiled Jeanne releasing a spear of flames that blew off Berserker's sane arm.

"Still I'd appreaciate a verison made for people with super strength"  
She continued slipping Berserker.

At this point the battle was over and not even the "Watch out! Watch out! Watch out!" wornings coming fromArcher could save Berserker as Jeanne jumped, grabbed his nape and chin, and smashed the mad servant fsce on the ground with all her might.

"RKO bitch _*spit_ " **UGH!**

 _"Class protocol returned to original state  
Psychological requirements: acceptable._  
 _Return to Ruler class_

* * *

Coming back from the depts of my mind was everything except simple. I had to focus with all my strength and imagine a door or some kind of exit and then stretch my hands out as if I was trying to pull me up from a pit.

It was difficult and most importantly distracting, every time I thought I might have been able to come out the tremendous amount of sensation Jalter (yeah that's the name I gave her) felt washed on me like a waterfall. Even from here I could feel on my skin the heat of the battle.

"Gosh what's she thinking! Assaulting two servants alone and with no mana, fuck I don't even know how she is able to use so much energy, like where the hell does it come from?"  
I thought finally able to claw my way up to the real world.

Suddenly all my senses came back to me and with them a lacerating pain through all my body. I felt like I had just bitten a hand-grenade and judging from the devastation around me it wasn't so unlikely.

"Oh God what did I do?"  
I squirmed looking to the unconscious Berserker and Archer.

They looked completely out of energy and as a sudden painful jolt across my spine reported, I was in no better shape.

Fuck situation had gone far too much out of control tonight I had to move out and replenish my mana, however, home was too far... so I was left with only one option.

"The hospital.. and to think I wanted a quiet evening"

* * *

 **HOLY HELL CACCIAFULMINI HERE! DO YOU REMBER WHEN I SAID THE NEZT UPDATE WOULDN'T TAKE THREE MONTHS AGAIN YEAH ME NEITHER CUZ IT TOOK FIVE.**

 **I HUMBLY APOLOGIZE THIS SUMMER HAS BEEN CRAZY, GOT HIGHSCHOOL FINAL EXAMS, TRIP TO RUSSIA, STUDYING TO GET IN MED SCHOOL, DOING ENTRANCE EXAMS AND THEN HAVE A BUNCH OF SLEEPLESS NIGHTS HOPING TO GET IN. BUT SCREW ALL OF IT I'M IN!**

 **SO HERE'S THE CHAPTER AG FIRST I WANTED TO USE THE POV OF MULTIPLE SERVANTS BUT AFTER SOME THOUGHT I JUST WENT WITH JEANNE'S ONE AND USED EXTERNAL NARRATION A COUPLE TIMES.**

 **I HOPE YOU LIKED THE CH IN HIS ACTION AND HUMORISTIC PARTS AND THAT JALTER GOT YOU A BIT MORE INTERESTED ALSO NEXT CH MIGHT BE SHORTER SINCE THERE WON'T BE A BATTLE AND SUPPOSEDLY IT WILL COME OUT SOONER.**

 **IF YOU'RE INTEREST CHECK OUT MY OTHER DELIRANT FF "Eight Banner" (Don't worry it's way shorter and with a better semantic)**

 **SO SEE YOU NEXT TIME WITH THE SWORD III**


	14. The sword III

**THE SWORD III**

* * *

But first a little commercial.

"Did you know that almost 99% of death by lack of mana is caused by a magical entity?  
Terrifying right? But do you know what's even scarier? None got an insurance!"  
[GASP NOISES]  
"My name is Medea and here at the Conchilis assicuration centre, sub-branch of the EINZBERN GROUP, we believe that nobody should be unpreapred in case your precious life force gets stolen. It doesn't matter the cause. A succubus sexually assaulted you? We got you covered! You remain stuck in the middle of an energy sucking force field created by a random Rider? WE ARE THERE FOR YOU! You get assaulted by a suspicious woman dressed in purple after you didn't sign up when the 30 days trial was over? WELL IT'S NOT OUR BUSINESS! So sign up now!

"CUT good job everyone, Medea, darling you were shining"

"Oh thank you... now WHERE THE HELL IS THE MOCACCINO I ORDERED WITH SABER'S FACE ON! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO ARRIVE 15 MINUTES AGO! WITHOUT MY DAILY DOSE OF SABER I GET CRAZY!

* * *

"Dying, getting resurrected, getting attacked, nearly dying again, discovering your roommate is some kind of magical Japanese Rambo, summoning a petite girl able to destroy a building, have my crush at home for dinner, doing a trip in the middle of the night, becoming a human jukebox, meeting a creepy priest, signing up for a death battle, getting attacked again, risking life once more, shooting arrows, getting shot and dragging a bunch of unconscious people in my home... Yeah. I've summed up yesterday's highlights"  
I thought slowly coming out from my slumber.

Just a few hours ago I was on the verge of death and now... now I was enjoying the floor of my living room...

"Life's really unpredictable"  
I muttered too sore to do anything but exist.

Yesterday had been the epitome of craziness; between Lancer trying to kill me, Hikigaya running to face that dragon dude and all the other servants collapsing from the fatigue I truly didn't know which event could obtain the title of "Most fucked up moment of the day"

Oh no, the title surely went to me improvising first aid for Hikigaya, Saber and the enormous Berserker servant while Archer took care of Tohsaka and the two albino maids.

Really trying to putt stitches on Berserker had been impossible! I had to take a hammer to make the needle go through his skin! All while, of course, the little Einzbern girl tried to burn a hole in my skull with her eyes... Geez for some reason she had focused all her attention on me and wouldn't stop starring not even for a second.

It was creepy as hell, the only thing that managed to get her away was putting her to guard the unconscious Hikigaya and the maids.

Speaking of Hikigaya... God! I had no idea what to do with him, his magic circuits kept emitting random flashes of mana, countless burns and cuts were all over his body plus a pretty huge hole in his belly. The only thing I managed to do was put some afterburn cream on his injuries and disinfect his cuts, luckily Hikigaya himself had already sewed up the hole in his belly so he didn't bleed to death, but still, his condition was definitely the worst out of all the guests in my house.

Saber, on the contrary, was the one with the least injuries. She had several bruises and a couple of cuts, apparently, Assassin had tricked Berserker with a phantasm, and made him think Archer was Assassin, while they fought each other he managed to drug Saber and knock her out until he returned to retrieve his Master. I didn't know what Assassin had shot into my servant, but it was scary. When Saber returned conscious hell broke out: she began to claw her own throat before starting to have intense retchings, she had been heavily intoxicated and her body was fighting with every single cell to get rid of that poison. All I could do for her was hold her head (Like I did with Fuji-nee in several occasions) and wait, after about five minutes of terror Saber regained a semblance self-awareness and immediately noticed the bullet hole in my arm, oddly enough it had stopped bleeding as I got closer to Saber and was healing a frightening speed...

I thought about asking Hikigaya, maybe he could have given me some insight, or maybe not since he wanted to keep this "secretive" air... but he wasn't nearly as good as he suspected.  
Yesterday I figured out he was that Zero skeleton guy and he looked all surprised... I mean his "I'm-edgy-and-don't-care-about-people" act was pretty easy to look through, I saw him throw himself against a car to save a kid and plug a spear in his chest to buy me more time to escape. As much as he tried to deny it, as much as an asshole he was, Hikigaya Hachiman was a good guy.  
The moment I found out he still was alive after Lancer's attack I thought there was no way he wouldn't have tried to help me again AND IN FACT! Zero had tried to buy time for me to escape again when he realized he had lost like whom I might ask? Hikigaya frigging Hachiman.

The first time I clearly said in my mind "Hikigaya Hachiman is Zero" there wasn't an ounce of doubt. I had just pretended next to have discovered his identity with a dumb bluff to preserve part of his self-esteem. I truly doubted that guy would have accepted easily that I read through his intentions; much like Archer.

Geez, that guy hated me for some reason! The moment he came back from his fight with Assassin along with Berserker, he immediately began to say how it was all my fault, how that battle had started because I didn't resign from the holy grail war and stuff. He kept throwing at me this stare of pure spite while throwing casual glances to Saber, the bleeding Rin, and the white girl Illiya. Sure he was right it was my fault, couldn't deny it, but couldn't he, just for one-second, gulp down his hate and work with me for a common cause? If he really had to make me feel worse than I already felt he could do it when everybody else was safe.

The only thing that made him reason again was Rin losing consciousness.

"speaking of which"  
I thought feeling something wet on my face.

She had been drolling all night on the sofa right next to me, or at least since Archer sewed her wounds and returned in his un-material form.  
I had spent all night close to Rin in order to be ready in case there were problems.  
Saber had tried to take this job from me, but she was too tired so I just sent her in my room to rest, she refused, I refused her refusal and we ended up sharing the second sofa.

We slept with our heads facing the opposite sides of the sofa and despite the lack of space, it was pretty comfy... for about five minutes, then Saber kicked me down.

I then moved near to Tohsaka and fall asleep; there weren't many other things that could go wrong in 5 hours of silence.

 _*Shift_

"That didn't sound good"  
I said opening my eyes to see a blurred Tohsaka gradually slipping away from the sofa.

"No no no no"  
I repeated madly trying to move my arms... however they... were kind of asleep.

 _Swuf_

Like some sort of potato sack, Rin Tohsaka fell on the paralyzed me, her eyes shot open her gaze was filled with panic, she didn't know what was going on and before she could her face slammed on mine.

Now in all the corny tv series, I have seen with Fuji-nee when she realized she couldn't get a boyfriend these kinds of scenes ended with some kind of sweet and awkward kiss. And now I can say real life is way more bitter and painful... like teeth against lips painful.

"MpH!"

"HGAR!"

Our jaws bashed against one another and whatever romantic feeling coming from the sudden meeting of our lips got crushed under burning pain.

"This was not like I had imagined it"  
I thought rolling on the floor holding my mouth.

Damn, I was bleeding I was definitely bleeding and dirtying the tatami under me in the process!

AH, NOT AGAIN! There were already enough blood-stains in my house, and God, those things were difficult to get rid of!

"Hey Tohsaka good morning"  
I muttered putting and hand on my wounded lips.

"Gha! That hurts, what the hell happened?"  
Grunted her using her hand in the same way I was doing.

A deep blush was spreading across all her face and… oh no it was bad, it was really bad half of her clothes were full of tears and right I couldn't dare to imagine how this scene looked from outside.

"If someone walks in now it's going to be the end for both my reputation and my life once Tohsaka gets her hands on me!"

Out of paranoia, I threw a quick stare to the door expecting it to open in 3, 2, 1, NOW!  
Luckily nothing happened uh maybe karma existed after all.

"Hey Shiro I made a question, the hell happened"  
Asked Tohsaka with annoyed tone and inquisitive eyes while her hand moved to hold the wound on her arm.

It had started to bleed again the bandage around it was turning red.

"Uh? Ehm you fell from the sofa and crashed on me"  
I blabbered pointing at the saliva stain left on the pillows.

To be fair I answered with about 20% of my brain as I was thinking about what to treat her wound. The bullet Assassin shot was still inside her arm and she definitely needed to go to the hospital, but it wasn't exactly easy to explain how she got shot...

"But what's more weird is how little she is concerned about it!"  
I thought while my yes kept moving on to her wound.

I mean really! Please, Tohsaka get a grip! You have a hole in your arm why do you act like it's nothing. Are your nerves okay?

"EMIYA SHIRO FOCUS! Why were you sleeping under me!"  
Cried Rin making me snap out of my trance.

"Because I wanted to stay close to you... _oh fuck that sounds bad..._ In case there were problems I mean...yeah"  
I responded as my whole idiocy decided to stream in my mouth.

 _I want to stay close to you, really!? Why am I so dumb ah here it comes her response!_

"... That's! That's _actually kind of_ nice"  
Said Tohsaka as I prepared to receive a slap.

"Sorry what?"  
I muttered peaking to her blushing face.

"I mean you have another couch, you could sleep there!"

"There's Saber"  
I retorted pointing at the short girl that was yawning and stretching through the whole length of the sofa.

"Is it just me or her joints shouldn't stretch that much"  
Asked a voice behind Tohsaka and me.

"Well that's kind of physically impossible for a normal human"  
Said Tohsaka tilting her head a little.

"Are we sure it's not some prophetic trick?"  
I asked suppressing a yawn.

"Bah I don't know I stopped to care at "Well", morning by the way"

"Yeah, Morning Hikigaya... _wait_ HIKIGAYA!?"  
"Yeah, Morning Hikigaya... _wait_ HIKIGAYA!?"  
Blurted out Tohsaka and I turning our heads at the same time.

" _Sup' "  
_ Responded him sipping coffee from his mug.

He looked horrible, I mean for someone that escaped death just a few hours ago he looked just fine, however, his eyes were marked by heavy eyebags and his stare was the same of a dead fish...

 _"Wait a minute that's the regular Hikigaya!"_  
I thought realizing he wasn't scarred at all from yesterday, he was the same as ever just with a bunch of bandages all over his body and a red hand on his cheek?

"Gosh you look terrible"  
Commented Tohsaka letting out whatever crossed her mind.

"Oh thank you, you too"  
Smiled Hikigaya making some kind of high pitched voice.

"Asshole"

"Bitch"

"Dead-eyed creep"

"Twin tailed elephant"

"Hey hey stop, no fights so soon in the morning"  
I said moving my hands in the middle of their stare fight before hell broke out.  
"But to be fair I agree with Tohsaka you're an asshole"

"That's pretty gratuitous from you Emiya, I'm offended"  
Replied him sipping more coffee.

"After I dragged your unconscious ass here, I believe I have the right to say as much"

"But since I avoided you got your legs cut off by the Sieg dude, I believe your beliefs mean nothing"

"However I hold your freaking head while you were vomiting in that street, you owe me"

"You were the one that dragged me out!"

"You came by your own choice you jerk!"

"Because you run into horrible situations just by existing!"

" That's uncalled for!"

"Kids stop arguing! And act your age!"  
Intervented Rin with the same fashion as me.  
"... still, point for Hikigaya, objective facts are objective facts"

"Com' on Tohsaka I can't be that bad"  
I said trying to meet her blue eyes.

Yeah trying, she kept moving her stare away from me.

"... Am I that bad?"

"No Emiya-kun, you just got attacked by Lancer nearly died, did not resigned the holy grail war... wait a minute I'm still angry with you!"

"Weren't we past this thing!"

"HELL NO! Do you think that just because you protected me from Assassin once I'd forget?"

"Kinda?"  
I asked confused, I wasn't well versed in the art of dealing with angry girls.

"Well you're wrong... Thank you though"  
Tohsaka replied with a faint blush.

"Okay...I'm totally lost"  
I sighed did she hate me, did she like me, did she something? God, I needed support!

"Just fuck each other already"  
Hikigaya grunted while gulping down all the coffee left in his mug.

"What's that supposed to mean!"  
"What's that supposed to mean!"  
Outbursted Rin and I as all our blood rose to our faces!

I know, I know, I wanted support, but we can all agree anything is better than a Hikigaya Hachiman in this situation.

"Do you want me to start the story of the bees and the flowers or we can cut the crap and start with the business? You can sort out your relationship later"  
Said him rolling his eyes.

"What kind of business?"  
Asked Rin cocking her eyebrow.

"bullets removal"

* * *

"You gotta be kidding me"  
I thought while making my way in the kitchen along with Tohsaka.

My kingdom was a mess, there was a box of cereal left open on a shelf, several pots full of boiling water on the stove and the table had been covered in plastic.

"Dude, when did you wake up?"  
I asked looking around.

"A while ago, the Ojou-brat, Flatchest-san, and Leyz-whatever didn't allowed me to fall asleep again, I made some coffee and then...things got out of hand"  
Retorted him pouring in his mug another round of coffee.

"I see, did they do that to you?"  
I said pocking my cheek.

For moment Hikigaya didn't seem to realize what I was pointing at, then he touched his own cheek and went ballistic.

"Ouch, ah that bitch, is it swollen?"  
He grunted checking his reflection in the coffee spoon he was using.

"Let me see"  
Said Tohsaka stepping closer to Hikigaya.

She took away from his hands the coffee mug, put it on the table and then took Hikigaya's face her hands. She moved it a bit as to inspect the hand-shaped bruise, but then she just punched the dead-eyed teen straight in the face.  
"And that's for the stunt you pulled yesterday!"  
Screamed Rin while Hikigaya fell soundly on the floor.

"Why always the face!"  
He cried smashing on the floor.

Knowing this wasn't going to end well I dashed to block Tohsaka's arm before she could throw another punch, but that didn't stop her from trying to kick Hikigaya until I took her away.  
"Calm down, calm down"  
I repeated pulling her back on my chest.

"If he is going to get a bullet out of you I wouldn't mess with him"  
I whispered making her come out fro her berserk state.

"Fine fine, I deserved that one"  
Growled Hikigaya still lying on the floor.

Heck, he was really out of shape, normally he wouldn't have Rin even touch him... oh goodness my lips were going upward.

"Better hide my smile"  
I thought sipping coffee from Hikigaya's unguarded mug.

The bitter taste of the dark drink filled my mouth but then I noticed a horrible truth.  
"Is this decaffeinate?"  
I asked widening my eyes in shock.

I had bought this... thing by mistake a month ago, why did it ever reached a cup?!

"It was the only one left"  
Retorted Hikigaya in low voice.

"Are you kidding, I stocked a month worth of it two days ag-... Hikigaya when you said you made some coffee... How much does some mean?"  
I said cocking an eyebrow towards the trash.

"...some"

Opening the trash can I saw around all the package of coffee I had bought.  
"you do know you have a problem, right?"  
I asked looking the dark-haired teen.

"...a?"

"Several problems"

"That sounds more like me, so wanna help me get up so we can start or you want to punch my face for yesterday, apparently is a free estate"  
Groaned Hikigaya raising a bandaged hand.

"Uh who do you think I'm, I understand why you did what you did yesterday"  
I responded calmly extending my hand.

Sure his methods weren't perfect but none died yesterday and I highly doubted the same result could have been achieved in another way. However, he messed with my kitchen and that was a different topic.

* _PUNCH_

"WHY THE FACE!"

* * *

About ten minutes later I was cooking breakfast while Hachiman was drawing with a black marker a few lines on Tohsaka's arm with his blackened-eye barely open.

"The eye Emiya, out of all the places the eyes, I have to open people for fuck's sake choose the nose next time"  
Said the dark-haired teen caressing his face with a cube of ice.

"Sorry, after all the things you did yesterday I thought you were tougher, my bad"  
I retorted vaguely distracted by my tools

 _"How will you use us today Shiro?"_

"I was thinking about a simple omelet, rice, and fish, better keep things easy since we got extra mouths to feed"  
I said to answer their question.

"Seems good to me Emiya"  
But of course, the one to answer wasn't my interlocutors.

"Yeah totally talking with you... ehm how are two maids, and Illiya was it? She had wanted to be the one controlling you"  
I chit-chatted trying to play it cool.

I definitely didn't need people discovering I had imaginary friends that I used to cope with dad's death and my phobia of fire. I mean fire is not scary if it's used to cook right? Right.

Focus on Hikigaya he'll start some rant at mid-sentence, make some bizarre questions or both"

"Oh yes check on me... that Ojou-brat just wanted a me sized body pillow and don't get me started on the maids they put themselves in those positions and blame me for what happened next! Hypocrisy!"

"It has to do with the hand on your face?"

"Which one?"

"Com'on you knew that was coming don't act all upset... and remember my kitchen my rules"

"Why do I feel that in this room there is not a single functional human being?"  
Asked Hikigaya pushing Tohsaka's nape on the table.

"You know I'm right here"  
Retorted the teen while her hair fell like twin waterfalls on her bare shoulders.

"So?"

"...I hate you"

"I guess I'll live with this burden"

"Emiya-kun can you remind me again why am I letting this jerk open my arm"  
Asked Tohsaka with her cheek pressed against the table.

It was like she was pouting... cute.

"Because it would be difficult dealing with a hospital since Archer is recovering and you're short in mana, plus you don't want to go to church and Hikigaya managed to saw up his own body while drunk so he has enough skills "  
I replied hoping she'd be reasonable.

Rin Tohsaka had saved my life yesterday at school, and for some reason, she didn't even bother to use this fact as a resource last night... Probably she didn't want me to know about it, but still, I desired to repay my debt, I had to, even though we were technically enemies at this point.

"Ah really that's what you think?"  
Grinned Hikigaya looking on my eyes.  
"She just agreed because she could only mutter "oh yes" when you asked and bent to lift a bandage left on the floor"

"...I see... have you been drinking again Hikigaya, cuz there's no way you'd come up with something like this sober"  
I retorted shrugging my shoulder it was way too stupid to be real.  
"Right Tohsaka?"

"Y-yes definitely"

"...I'm so glad that I'll be gone in a month right now, you two are seriously painful to watch. Speaking of painful, Emiya do you happen to have weed, pure alcohol or an old frying pan"  
Said the dark-haired teen walking by my side and starting to wash his hands.

"I don't know why do you believe any drug could make its way in my home"  
I whispered tossing him the hand soap.

"You are stressed guy without a girlfriend, that doesn't do sport and keeps failing in magecraft; anxiety must go away in some way, plus I don't see any punching bag around... except me apparently"  
Said Hikigaya with a deadpan.

"Geez thank you, buddy. No, I don't have weed and you finished the Spiritus yesterday, as for the frying pan... I guess there's one over there"  
I sighed pointing to a small cabinet in a corner of the kitchen.

Or as I liked to call it the retirement home, where my trusted and a bit rusty friends could relax until I managed to buy that forge I saw on amazon and fuse them in a single gigantic Paella-sized pan!

"Okay let's see too big, too small, this one is perfect"  
Muttered taking out from the cabinet Percival great cook of fried rice.

"Be careful with him, it, don't ruin my pan"  
I spat while all the happy moments we spent together flashed in my mind.

...Uh... we sure cooked a crazy amount of rice together I should have used changed him sooner.

"Don't worry he is in safe hands, I'll just need it for a second"  
He responded moving closer to Tohsaka.

"Uhm? You'll need it for what?"  
She asked a bit startled as if she was ready to jump down from the table and run.

"I needed something proper to prepare an ointment on"  
Grunted Hikigaya passing beside a surprisingly relieved Rin Tohsaka.

" _Fiu_ I thought was the anesthesia"

"Oh but it is"

"What?"

* _SBAAAAMMM._

* * *

 _"THAT WAS UNNECESSARY!"  
_ I immediately screamed as Tohsaka fell unconscious under the blunt power of Percival.

Letting go of everything I was doing, I rushed near my unconscious classmate just to have Hikigaya try to knock me out with the pan.

I just managed to grab the handle a moment before it was too late.

"You lose Hikigaya, Percival would never hurt me"  
I hissed poisonous using my better health to push Hikigaya.

However, he didn't want to lose his grip.

"Who's Percival?"  
He asked or better expired while fighting back.

AAHH I had to dodge that question!  
"Ehm...it doesn't matter now, why were you trying to hit me?"

Nice Shiro!

"Because you were eventually going to... and I can't handle your chit-chatting with the kitchen tools when I'm extracting a bullet, plus you still have a bullet in your arm too... I planned to kill three birds with a pan"

"I... can't argue with your points"  
I said pretty troubled by the pragmatism of this conversation.

Damn, he was right, I was going to hit him.

"Good, now let me hit you"  
He responded swinging the pan once more.

"No!"  
I ducked a second before the tragedy.

"Awww! If you have to be awake at least give me a hand"  
Groaned him putting on the table next to Rin the pan.

With the utmost care, I peaked Tohsaka's face trying to find the point where the pan made contact, however, her skin was still pale and perfect everywhere...  
"Do you do... this often?"  
I asked to Hikigaya commending his skills.

"Every once in a while, practice makes perfect"  
He responded taking out from somewhere his dagger and... front torch made out of pink plastic.

That looked familiar, wait?  
"Is that the prize of the cereals?"

"Yup, I need light to work"  
He nodded turning on the light.

"You're crazy"

"I prefer the term: creative"

"You regularly knock out people with a pan! Creative my ass. Besides why Tohsaka?"  
I said presenting evidence of my theory.

I repeat: Hikigaya Hachiman was crazy. I was ready to put somewhere a desk and put on a sign that said "change my mind"

"Why Tohsaka? Because... you know what? Humor me, imagine why I'd knock out Tohsaka"

"Because you're crazy!"  
I cried throwing my hands towards the sky.

"..."  
He rose an eyebrow

"Okay, let's suppose there's logic behind your madness"  
I sighed massaging my nose bridge.  
"So, first of all, I'd point out all your weird request about alcohol and drugs were just a decoy you already know there was nothing like that in my house. You wanted to physically knock Tohsaka out from the beginning, you just needed to keep her calm, after all the anesthesia wasn't vital for the success of the operation and you wouldn't waste a chance to come back at Tohsaka"

"Good but you're focusing on the how. I want the why"

"Ehm because you want to use your magecraft?"

"Nope"

"To test me?"

"Nah I was trying to knock you out too, remember"

"UHG! How the hell would I know, you could be planting a bomb inside her arm for as much as I know!"

"You're correct Emiya"

"I'm what now?"

"Yeah I'm planting a bomb inside Tohsaka's arm"

My throat closed and my lips dried up. He was kidding...there was no way he was serious, why would he... No, wait it did make sense. Hikiagaya knew Tohsaka was a magus and Tohsaka knew Hikigaya was a magus, Tohsaka had a servant, Hikigaya had not. Tohsaka saw Hikigaya as an unknown threat and given how they interacted, one was probably going to kill the other soon. Hikigaya was preparing some kind of insurance.

At this point, I felt overwhelmed and I didn't know what to say, everything was too crazy, trying to rationalize what was happening with common sense was useless, the only thing I could do was scratch my chin and say.  
"I see. Will it be lethal?"

To be fair, hearing my voice I was surprised by how natural I managed to sound, it didn't feel like I was desperately screaming in my mind.

"Nah at worse her arm will blow up, I just need the bomb to weaken her or as plan Z"  
Said Hikigaya generating a black crystal on the tip of his index.

"..sure"  
I gulped trying to stay cool.

Sure?! Sure!? Why was he so unfazed by the idea of blowing up someone's arm!  
By the way, trying to stay cool was difficult.

"..and... and why are you telling me this?"  
I muttered raising an eyebrow.

"Because you will also have the detonator"  
He responded tossing to me the crystal.

Out of instinct, I grabbed it and before I could voice my complains the crystal turned into a black ring around my middle finger.

"Emiya before you start the bitching, remember that anytime allies can change and so your enemies, you must always have insurance... so I don't have to explain to the police why my landlord was found dead and with a missing hand. Now com'on give me a hand I have to remove her bullet before she wakes up. You can say that I'm cold and heartless later"  
Sighed Hikigaya cutting off Rin's bandage.

"Damn"  
I grunted pocking the ring.

Thus guy was hopeless, twisted and rotten, he did all he could to be hated. I couldn't tell what the hell was going through his head, it was like he desired to be some sort of hate pillow you punch to get rid of stress. Every nice thing he did had to be covered by countless layers of spite.

"You must always make it difficult to say thank you"  
I sighed moving next to him to block Rin's arm.

"Uh?"

"It's like you always have the best intentions possible but purposely decided to hide them under some selfish reason"

"I don't-"

"Thank you, for trying to protect me...even though you're pathologically an asshole and we're both dead if Tohsaka ever finds out"

"I, I..."

"You don't purposely act like a douche? Yeah, sure"

"Stop reading between lines Emiya! I'm-"

"Acting for my own benefit if you're so thankful get me a Max coffee. yeah, yeah I know chill Hikigaya"

"...stop reading my mind"

"Ahahahah the student surpassed the teacher"

"Yeah, as if, now keep her damn arm still or this is going to be a mess"

"Aye"  
I grinned while the loner began to work.

* * *

As the surgical extraction started an incredible peace surrounded the two of us. No sounds could be heard, except a few random yawns Saber made.  
My job was simple: keep Rin's arm still and occasionally moving the coffee mug close to Hikigaya's mouth.

To say I felt useful was an exaggeration, but... no there were no buts, the job was boring and it sucked.

"So it's gonna take a lot of time?"  
I asked as the dark aired teen poured a few drops of Tohsaka's blood around her wound.

"Twenty minutes at best an hour at worse, I have to get what Archer did to block her pain sense"  
He responded before a flash lighted the room.

Suddenly Rin's blood and the lines Hikigaya drew before with a marker began to glow of light blue.  
"Is this some kind of tracking spell?"  
I said widening my eyes.

"What no, I don't know how to do that. I'm just sterilizing the area around the wound"

"...Obviously"  
I sighed while Hachiman's black dagger slowly dug in Rin's flesh.

It was weird how such a gruesome action could be performed so sweetly, Hikigaya moved the blade slowly and with incredible care, doing his best to avoid touching anything dangerous.  
I did my best to remain quiet but my eyes couldn't stop looking at the dagger, yesterday I had held it, used my magic on it and felt... something I could hardly describe.

As soon as I traced that blade a stream of battles flashed in my mind while countless movement filled my body, like the choreography of a dance.

"Emiya, speak your irregular breathing is annoying, if you got to say something say it"  
Grunted Hikigaya not moving his stare.

"That dagger"  
I said.  
"What is it exactly"

"Old tempered metal"

"But that's impossible I..."

"You managed to extract some kind of fighting experience from it, yes Tohsaka told me and no I have no idea how"

"There isn't any kind of enchantment on it"

"Just advanced metallurgy"

"But all those moves, those techniques, I could feel them run through my body, from where they came from?"

"Me, all the moves you performed were and still are mine"

"You mean I copied your fighting style thanks to your weapon?"

"No definitely no, you just swung the dagger with a decent form, your attacks had no character or thoughts, you were no better than a kid button mashing"

"Geez thanks"

"You're welcome I love outlining people's ignorance"

"Wow, I couldn't imagine it... So are you some kind of super-spy?"

"What makes you think it?"

"Some images I saw while using your knife, there were soldiers, wealthy men, and similar stuff. Super-spy was the only thing that I was able to imagine"

"I see... well yeah I something like that and if you share this detail with someone else things will get really ugly"

"Ominous. Fine my lips are sealed"

"We'll see that. And here comes the bullet"  
He said taking out a tiny mass of metal.

"That's weird a servant used a real weapon"  
I mumbled looking the bullet being dropped on Percival.

"Odd right, however, that's good if the weapon that shot this thing can be tracked down so can Assassin"

"And I suppose you know how to do that because in my eyes that bullet is only a piece of metal"  
I said looking at the suspiciously obsidian bullet.

"Oh no I can't do it"  
Replied Hikigaya returning to work inside Tohsaka's wound.

"Ara?"  
What was that supposed to mean?  
"Hikigaya if you can do it than what... eh this thing is useless"  
I blinked staring at the emotionless teen and the bullet.

"Emiya let me put it in this way, **MY** powers **ARE** only good to fight, deal with psyche of a person and kind-of-heal, these 3 things, I don't have useful swiss knife skills like Tohsaka, so to have ballistic test we need to or to break into the police-station or find someone that can mysteriously read the memories of an object... do you happen to know someone like that Emiya?"  
Deadpanned my school mate with his scary eyes.

"Are you talking about me?"  
I gasped staring at the bullet.

No no no yesterday was a stroke of luck there was no way I could do it.

"It would be a worth shot and most importantly it would make me save time... I already have to sew up the other three albinos and prepare a couple things for what's going to come, not having to knock out a cop would be awesome"  
He replied while his pupils widened.  
"Ah! Forget it now! I found what the hell Archer did!"

Hearing his words I moved closer and peaked inside Rin's flesh... I was no expert but if what I was seeing was a tiny blade, well it wasn't supposed to be there.

"The hell is that blade?"  
I asked while Hikigaya pulled my face away.

"I'd say it's some kind of nervous impulse inhibitor, it's shutting down Tohsaka's pain sense so the moment I extract it all the stimulus from this part of her body will be barging in her head so it's time to make the ointment"  
Said Hikigaya giving a light kick to my ankle.  
"Take the jars under the table Emiya"

Accepting his request I lowered my back to find six or seven glass jars filled with weird powder, shells and a suspicious green liquid.

"Should I ask how all this stuff came here, or it's something you had in your room all along?"  
I said putting the jars where I cooked.

"They are just some pretty neat ingredients I always carry with me, all stuff pretty rich in mana or proteins I eat to recover, yesterday I went too far at least 5 times, I won't be able to fight like that for a while plus my circuits are almost all in stand by, it's a miracle yesterday they didn't flare all at once"

"So why your body kept emitting mana randomly all night?"  
I asked a bit nervously since the thought of grabbing a shovel and bury his stroboscopic body in the yard to sleep, had crossed my mind more than once.

"My circuits were repairing themselves, weird they were so quick"

"I thought magic circuits couldn't regenerate"

"I'm kind of a special case"  
He said with a shit-eating grin.

"You're definitely special indeed"  
I nodded with exaggerated emphasis.

"Was that sarcasm?"  
He asked raising an eyebrow.

"nnnoooooo"  
I replied doing my best to keep a straight face.

"...I don't know if I have to punch you or be proud cuz you're finally learning something"

"Just finish to deal with Tohsaka"  
I sighed tired of his salty retorts.

"Fine fine, now hear me out Emiya, take the shells of Mikonos, no not those the white ones, ok perfect, now turn them into dust. * _SBAAAMMM,_ now put everything in a glass and add the green resin of Indian mandrake, then add two teaspoons of midnight dust and the flour of Mexican cockroach, don't give me that stare and touch the whole thing with your left hand."

"Ehw"  
I groaned as the texture of the mixture felt pretty disgusting.

"How does it feel"

"Disgusting"

"I mean slimy like the snot of a troll"

"How am I supposed to know that?"

"Gosh, your life is boring, just bring it here it's perfect"  
He sighed ordering me around like usual.

EHW I wanted to throw up, this blob was seriously disgusting, and some was still on the black ring. I wasn't sure at all I wanted this stuff on Tohsaka or within 5 miles from my kitchen. I mean if this thing was to grow legs and run away I wouldn't be even that surprised.

"I really hope this thing works"  
I said following Hikigaya's gesture to pour the glass on Percival.

The moment the blob reached the pan, it ran all over the place swallowed the bloody bullet, then some disgusting fumes that smelled like rotten meat flew in the air while the green substance became color skin and condensed in a tiny ball. The bullet was now clean and shining on the pan while the little mysterious ball pulsed weirdly.

"Now that's creepy as hell"  
I commented pocking the ball, it seemed like a living being.  
"Tell me it will heal better than it smells"  
I begged passing the ball to Hikigaya.

"Wait who said this is for healing?"  
He asked staring at me with his black and swollen eye.

"W-what?"  
I mumbled while he took the ball.

"This is the bomb, I just needed you to make it so it would sink with the ring. Not sorry by the way"  
He grinned taking out Archer's blade while exchanging it with the tiny ball that started to attach itself in Rin's arm.

The blob was the bomb!

"He tricked me in doing the dirty work!"  
I mentally cried while Rin's body suddenly jolted.

"GAH!"  
Groaned Tohsaka as her sense of pain returned.

Sweatdrops filled her forehead, as she lamented and tried to move, Hikigaya and I immediately went to block her body.  
I had almost to lie upon her to keep her still, while the dark-haired teen just put pressure in a few points to block her muscles.

"Is this supposed to happen? I thought you didn't want to use mage-craft"  
I asked while black smoke rose from Tohsaka's arm.

"I never said that I said I didn't knock her out to use it, I always planned to weld her flesh with my powers"  
He sighed while Rin moved even more fiercely.

"Couldn't you use them from, _ah! Foot in the liver,_ from _the_ beginning?"  
I said enduring several blows on my person.

"Emiya let me tell you one thing about my power: I control pain and that allows me to heal wounds, however, there is a condition, they must hurt if an injury is painless such as third-grade burn I can't do anything. Archer blocked Tohsaka's pain sense so to heal most of her arm I had to make her suffer. _UGH! Bitch!_ "  
He responded receiving an elbow under his chin.

"It's gonna take much longer? I'm kind... at my limit"  
I gasped struggling to maintain Rin still any longer.

"No"  
Replied Hikigaya inhaling in his nose all the smoke coming out from Tohsaka until the once deep wound became an injury that could be sewed up with a couple of stitches.

"Okay and we're done"  
He said with a tired smile, before collapsing on the floor.

"Ugh! And only one remained awake..."  
I sighed looking at the psychotic dark-haired surgeon droll on the floor.

* * *

As I returned to be the only conscious person in my house, I sew up Rin and carried back on the couch while leaving Hikigaya on the floor.

It wasn't like I was angry at him... but after all the crazy stuff I saw him seen, I was scared of touching him especially since he had a knife in his hands.

"That's a wasp nest I'm not going to poke"  
I muttered cleaning the surgery table and making it return to be my dining table.

Thankfully no blood had spilled out of the plastic cover, so it was a thing less to clean and to explain to Sakura and Fuji-nee, it was already going to be difficult enough to explain why the house was trashed. The excuse " A manly disagreement with Hikigaya" seemed the best option in my mind, since I doubted those two would pry and try to discover which argument could create a brawl.

"Okay and now to the stove!"  
I proclaimed moving to finish the preparation for breakfast.

At first, I wasn't sure about the doses, but since I was hungry, like really hungry, like enough hungry to be kicked out from an all you can eat restaurant and the number of people to feed had suddenly multiplied, I decided to empty fridge-kun and prepare something closer to a buffet than a large breakfast.

I kept all the dishes simple since I didn't know everybody's tastes, but I could guarantee this meal was going to satisfy everyone palate.

 _"Somebody once told me...mmhhhmmmp"_

"Tristan Eggrollis pan, what the hell are you singing"  
I asked as _**someone(thing)**_ had stared to do something very annoying.

" _Nothing Shiro-kun, I was just humming All-star"_

"And why that?"  
I replied inquisitively.

" _Because I'm a delusion of your faulty brain and I'm brought to life by a combination of your desire and recollection, you sang this song yesterday I sing it today!"  
_ Replied the pan.

"Seems fair...but in every case just stop, I'm growing to hate that song"  
I sighed turning off the flame letting everything cool off a little before serving.

Now I had to deal with the elephant in the room, or to be more precise the unconscious teen on teen on the floor so... I went to grab a broom. I wasn't sure a meter and half handle was going to be enough to avoid a dagger in my arm, but it was better to disarm Hikigaya before he went all psycho and did something terrible, LIKE RUIN THE TATAMIS! or yeah hurt people in general...

"Okay, a little more right there"  
I said after hitting softly Hikigaya's fingers to make him lose the grip on his dagger.  
"A little more right here and _*Cut!_ Fuck!"

Minus a fourth of mop, Hikigaya had sliced though the wood handle while applied and I had barely managed to see the movement. Thank God I avoided using my hand.

After six more attempts and a terribly shortened mop, I finally succeeded to disarm the dead-eyed teen. It was damn crazy how he could perform such moves unconscious and with a bandaged hand, standing to his words Kotomine Kirei trying to heal him from the Gaebolg curse had caused all the dark magic to focus in his hand, bringing it to necrosis-like state.

"Even though the fingers look pretty healthy to me"  
I said grabbing the dark dagger.

It was still dirty of blood so I took it to the kitchen sink, I felt oddly comfortable with the weapon in my hand, it was like I had been using it for a lifetime.

"Yesterday still seems a dream"  
I sighed trying to recall how I moved the dagger.

The grip, the wrist, the arm; I could feel my muscles try to remember something but... they never quite there, every technique was like a puzzle missing half of the pieces.

An incomplete picture.

But maybe I knew how to see clearly.

" _Trace on"  
_

Calling upon my mana I chanted my aria and I tried to replicate my past success. I prepared for the usual painful sensation that accompanied magecraft, that feeling made my body shiver in pain, like a lick of lava carving its path towards the top of a volcano.

However, it didn't come...or at least not immediately. At first, I felt like my mana was flowing in a different way like it didn't have to create a new path but just follow a route, the sensation of countless ice needles running under my skin filled my brain, but in the moment I tried to rationalize what was going on the cold stopped and the usual burning agony re-started.

"AAAGGHHH that's more I remember it"  
I groaned while my magic pierced through the dagger.

Hikigaya had said the dagger wasn't magical, nor held any other mystic power, however, it was brimming of...emotions. Hate, fear, love, excitement, and countless other feelings impregnated the very core of that blade to the point where I could see for a brief moment everything it went through... mostly people... and weird animals.

"Oh god there so much blood"  
I sputtered half-scared and half-interest by the amount of anatomy I was learning: Who knew the inclination to pierce a lung was so weird.

Anyway, as all those fragmented memories made their way in my mind and before I knew it I was moving the dagger through complex forms and techniques.

"Slice, slice, stab, swiiitch griiiipp and another staaaab"  
I said cutting the air and letting my body bathe in the moves of someone else.

I danced through the kitchen juggling the knife while fridge-kun and Tristan stared at me impressed. I was single-mindedly exploring which secret that blade contained; My conscience slowly faded with each slash I got dragged deeper in a montage of ever-changing battles and opponents.

I sped up, I sped up until my whole body was like a river that twisted and re-twisted to reach its destination. At one point though, all the battles, all the imaginary opponents stopped appearing leaving me sweaty and alone in the kitchen.

"What?"  
I gasped looking around.

My muscles were burning, however, my mana hadn't run over yet, where did everything go?  
Suddenly a painful jolt pierced my brain and a tiny grim voice started to laugh in my ears.

* * *

 _"Your fate is sealed spawn of Muramasa_

* * *

Everything became fire, the kitchen, the house, my home every single bit of my life got covered in a blanket of flames. Before I knew it I was in my personal hell: the great fire of Fuyuki.

The smell of smoke and death filled my nose and a black wolf-like beast stood before me, he was made of mud and kept laughing.

"What small blacksmith? Cat got your tongue? Don't worry, I won't kill you with my hands"  
It said looking his muddy claws.

My body was shivering in fear, not for the beastly nature of that creature... it was something more visceral: a chill that shock every fiber of myself, I couldn't speak, move or do anything else.

"You see Testu, I unfortunately still don't have a body, but even though I couldn't personally send you off I arranged this special event only for you...oh wait"  
The beast grinned while crimson marks danced on its body while getting closer.  
"You don't recognize this form"

"Ah! I'm so dumb! Okay my error sorry, hmm time traveling makes everything so confusing"  
The beast sighed while the smoke kept growing thicker.

Every single part of my body told me to run, but my feet remained still, what the hell was I watching, who was Tetsu? Who was this creature! I had so many questions and the only thing I managed to do was rise the dagger to defend me. The blade trembled in my sweaty palms, I tightened the grip but somehow the more I closed my fists the more I felt the weapon slip away from me.

"What if I assume a form you're more acquainted with, my old playmate? To make things more clear"

The creature began to shrink, starting to look more anthropomorphic, starting to look like a child. At that point, I don't know what possessed me but every fiber of my being pushed me to slash at the creature. I threw the dagger forward driving its blade through the mud.

A silver arc lighted the space between me and the beast, and as if this illusion itself was cut apart the flames started to fade.

The last thing I saw was a smiling child with his face split in half saying.  
"You're so mean buddy, but don't worry I made sure your fate is going to be worse"

The sight of a blazing katana flashed in my eyes immediately followed by a golden scabbard.

Then I only knew I had returned to reality.

"Shiro? What are you doing?!"

* * *

"AAH!"  
I screamed in a high-pitch voice.

My hands rose in the sky, however, they were so sweaty the dagger I was holding slipped away and stuck in the ceiling.

"Uh, ah. Hi Saber"  
I said moving casually my arms in a stretching position.  
"Did you sleep well"

"...Yes... are you okay? You look pale."  
She asked moving closer to check my temperature with her hand.

"I'm fine! I'm fine! I'm fine, really!  
I gasped in panic as the tiny servant's eyes got too close to my face.

"Sure?"

"Sure"

Cool, I had managed to Saber keep away from one more thing to worry about, now I can just focus on...

"...is something burning?"

 _*Sniff_

FUCK

"The eggs!"

* * *

Forgetting the food... the most shameful crime a cook can commit, how could I be so disgraceful.

"Oh yeah, a nightmarish illusion.."  
I thought saving all the eggrolls possible... just to give up half-way.

I really hoped everyone liked scrambled eggs.  
Even though it wasn't exactly important.  
They were probably all starving right now. With all the fighting and stuff...

"Shiro, I do not want to bother you, but... is it going to take much longer?"  
Asked Saber throwing a casual stare at me while her ahoge kept moving like a tail

"Sweet god that's adorable, but I need to focus!"  
I thought searching for something horrible enough to erase Saber's cuteness.

"Mmhhh... Hiccup I told you not to feed the dragon near the curry... now everything tastes like Toothless' scales."

Okay found it.

"No Saber it won't take long, in fact, it's ready... now"  
I said turning down the flame.

Okay, breakfast was ready, now I only had to assemble all the guests.  
"At least one should be easy"  
I thought moving close to Hikigaya.

"UH! Is that a can of Max coffee?!"  
I gasped with my best-surprised voice.

"WHERE!?"  
He shouted still half asleep looking around.

"It's arriving on the table just go wait in the dining room"

"Fine Megumi... you're the best mom... did you get a cold your voice sounds more stupid"  
Mumbled the asshole while stumbling in the dining room.

"Is he drunk again?"  
Asked Saber looking at him moving on his unsteady feet.

"If I didn't know for a fact he didn't touch alcohol for the past 5 hours I'd be tempted to say yes. He used a bit of his magecraft on Rin, and apparently, he burned too much fuel yesterday now his mind is all fuzzy..."

"WHERE THE FUCK IS MY DAGGER, WHO'S THE SLIMY LITTLE COMMUNIST SHIT TWINKLE-TOED COCKSUCKER WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH WARRANT!"

My eyes moved towards the ceiling.

"...in any case, he should be armless unless a direct threat approaches him, but don't let him get close to anything sharp while I call the homunculi"  
I said vaguely concerned for me, the blade stuck in the ceiling and... well the very very dangerous teenager in the other room.

"Do you want I wake up Rin in the meantime?"  
Said the servant pointing to the unconscious girl on the couch.

"Yeah why not"

* * *

"Hey, who's hungry...ehm. No that sounds stupid. I'll just go with breakfast is ready."  
I said standing in front of Illya's bedroom or at least the one she occupied.

That girl made me feel uneasy, like the sound of a leaky faucet or something equally annoying... a nail in the brain for example.

"Eh, let's get this over with, it can't go that badl..."  
*crunch  
An arm broke through the door.

"y"  
Just the time finish my sentence and I got grabbed by the collar and slammed into the paper door.

"Please... explain why..you were...ehm standing here...doing nothing for the past 10 minutes"  
Said the voice of one of the maids from the other side of the door.

"Breakfast's ready... I didn't know how to inform you without incurring in this situation but guess what... _My efforts were useless! "_  
I said gasping for air, God this girl had a strong grip.

"Illiya-sama this buffoon thinks he can fool us with an excuse like that, there's no telling what he might try, just like his friend he might attack our purities!"

Wait...what did she just say?!

"Calm down you two, the scent of food reached this room at least 10 minutes ago, he is actually here to call us for breakfast"  
Said Illya as my face kept being squashed in the paper door.

"But how can his commoner palate satisfy your tastes"

"WHO CARES I'M STARVING! Liz let him go"

"...sure?"

"Sure"

"..fine"

"Waah!"  
I grunted finally free to fall on the floor.

Cold sweat flowed on my back as the door slowly slid open, I couldn't address why specifically, probably because if Berserker had appeared I wouldn't even have been that surprised.

However, instead of a mountain of muscles, after the door I found a child wearing a hoodie several times too large.  
"Oni-chan sorry for the waiting"

And somehow it was even more disturbing.

"No... problem"  
I said while this...overly joyful girl tapped on my head displaying a mood totally different from what I heard five seconds ago.

What the hell was happening? And why the maids also wore a hoodie on their half burnt clothes?

"I can't wait to hear what did you cook Oni-chan?"  
Asked Illiya showing this childish side I couldn't explain.

99% of my mind was screaming how it was all an act and I couldn't trust her however the remaining 1% of me couldn't believe her display wasn't genuine to a certain degree.

"In any case, I play along or this situation will get real ugly!"  
I thought smiling and trying to have that 1% take over my body.

"I cooked scrambled eggs! Let's go have breakfast"  
I proclaimed leading the way to the dining room.

I didn't want to sound optimistic, but maybe this morning wasn't going to be so bad...

Of course, all my hopes went down the sink the moment I reached the dining room, and my mood got indefinitely more complex. Hikigaya was sat at the table while his dead eyes brimmed with confusion and interest, I followed his gaze and soon I found myself starring at Saber and Rin.  
My Servant was rigidly kneeled beside the couch while Rin had wrapped her limbs on Saber and... stuck her tongue in Saber's mouth.

"Ehm Hikigaya what the hell is going on?"  
I asked vaguely aroused by the wet sounds spreading in the room.

"I'm not entirely sure, I just heard Saber moving close to Tohsaka, and then something along the lines of " oh Mr Callen" before you know..."

"Do you think Saber is in shock?"  
I said looking at her moveless body.

"..Maybe"

"Shouldn't you two stop them!?"  
Cried Sella with a crazy blush on her face while her hand was hard pressed against Illya's eyes.

"...In a moment"  
"...In a moment"  
We replied without moving hour eyes from the two girls.

"Liz! Do something!"  
The maid cried again.

"...like... what?"  
"I DON'T KNOW JUST STOP THIS OBSCENE SPECTACLE!"  
"But...it...looks...interesting"

"Sella get your hand off me! I want to see what's happening! Liz help me!"

As the homunculus crew started to make a fuss Hikigaya claimed part of my attention with an argute remark.  
"Hey, Emiya do you have a camera? This scene seems worth recording"

A camera? A camera was it possible that out of the hundreds thing I had repaired there wasn't a camera?!

"...Ehm nope, I don't think"  
I said snapping a few pictures with my phone.

"Dude the resolution on that prehistoric thing is terrible"  
Said the dark-haired teen with eyes full of disappointment.

"Better than nothing..."

"Better nothing than two pink pixels"

"Do you wanna argue about this?"

"Nah... but now the mood has spoiled"

"Do we divide them?"

"At this point? why not"

"I take Saber you Rin"

"Why do I get the psycho?"

"Would you rather take servant?"  
I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Fine, your argument is very compelling"  
He shrugged moving behind Tohsaka.

"On three"  
I whispered grabbing Saber.  
"1, 2, 3!"

"Aaahhhh!"

*squak

With a wet sound, we managed to detach Saber from Tohsaka.  
"...mmmm cherry"  
Muttered the twin-tailed magus still half-asleep.

Meanwhile, Saber just lied petrified in my arms.  
"Holy shit Rin broke her!"  
Was my first thought as I began to poke at my servant's cheeks.

"So now what chief?"  
Asked Hikigaya while Sella stared in disgust at him.

"Hey flat chest got a problem?"  
Grunted my school-mate feeling the hostility.

"Actually I have got one and it's currently breathing in front of me, however, if he stopped I'd be pretty grateful"

"Bu-uh-uh you're words hurt me... unfortunately that's nothing in comparison to the verbal abuse I go through at my club!"

"Is that something to be proud of?"

"Yes, No! Shut up! It's something I can feel more proud of than you shopping for bras in the child section!"  
Replied an irritated Hikigaya while his cheeks were set aflame.

Hearing this last statement Liz mouth opened ready to convey an "OOOOHHHH", however, Illya closed the homunculus' mouth with her tiny hand before anything happened.

"No murders"  
I instinctively screamed predicting what was going to happen as Sella moved her hands dangerously close to a dish.

"Gland we are on the same page Emiya."  
Said Hikigaya right before he... Oh God.

"Were you just trying to throw Tohsaka!?"

"What?! No, I... yes definitely"

"You're terrible"

"Hey modern problems require modern solutions, by the way, Saber is reacting to the food bring her closer to the table"

"Oh right! That's one, how do we wake Tohsaka?"

"Don't worry I have a plan"  
Grinned Hikigaya pinching her nose.

Before I could even voice any complaints.  
Rin's eyes shoot open and with a high pitched scream filled Hikigaya's hands with snot.  
"AHHH!"

"Eeeww"  
Groaned the dark-haired teen twisting his face in horror.

"...ehm"  
I coughed  
"So. Who wants some breakfast?"

* * *

"I can't believe you cleaned your hand on my shirt!"

"Tohsaka it was all your stuff, I was just giving it back to you"

"UGHHH! YOU TWO STOP CHATTING AND EAT!"  
I screamed tired of the arguments between the two of them.

It was almost crazy how nuts they were able to drive me, and I was the most patient person I knew, exception made for Sakura, God bless that girl.

"Fine"  
"Fine mom"  
Responded the pair of rebellious mages finally shutting up.

"Well deserved peace, fucking finally!"  
I thought happily digging in my food.

I quietly watched diners eating in silence and actually it was weirdly relaxing seeing people having seconds, thirds and fou... fifths in Saber's case.  
"Shiro your cooking is truly delightful"  
Smiled the unfrozen Saber.

Must. Suppress. The. HHHGGGGGGGG!  
Okay, it was too cute, I could just grab my heart and trying to contain the fuzzy feeling spreading through my chest. Seeing her so light-heartedly happy filled me with joy...especially since I spent 15 minutes of my life to convince her to eat.  
"It wouldn't have felt right to leave the servants without food"  
I thought looking through the window where Berserker was eating... bamboo sticks... yeah bamboo.

"Illya are you sure it's fine for Berserker to eat just that?"  
I asked a bit guilty.

"Berserker will be fine, his sense of taste has dulled since becoming a servant, and he doesn't need to eat anyway. Having something to chew is probably the best thing he can ask for."  
The little girl replied repeatedly trying to roll up the sleeves of the hoodie she was wearing.

If you ignored the fact she could be a cold-blooded killer, she looked pretty damn adorable and also undecided on which seasoning use on her eggs.

"Why don't you try this one?"  
I said offering Illya a bottle.

"Oh thank you oni-c"  
"ILLYA-SAMA don't!  
Screamed Sella slapping away from my hand the soy sauce.  
"He wants to poison you!"

"What that's not tr-"

"With his commoner's palate and cheap eggs"

"...Now that's just offensive"  
I pouted trying to hide how much I had been hurt by that last statement. There was nothing wrong with buy 6 pay 3 at the combini store.

"Hey respect cheap food flat-chest! Nothing serves the world more!"  
Grunted Hikigaya surprisingly taking my side instead of kicking me when I'm down.

I was almost moved.

"I see both of you do not understand how Illya-sama should be fed!"

"Yeah I don't understand and do not care to, but you know when people offer you food from the kindness of their heart you should just accept and say thank you... or perhaps you were never taught that... if you want to practice just start with saying "thank you for kindly letting me borrow your hoodie Hikigaya-sama" try-out"

"I!"

"Sella shut up your embarrassing me"  
Burst out Illya silencing the homunculus before she replied to the dark-haired teen.

I almost shivered listening to her more adult voice, and apparently I wasn't the only one.

"Sella... don't be... a pain... eat"  
Said Liz stuffing her face with rice while peaking at Illya.

"Why does it seem I'm the only one that thinks this might be a trap!"

"Because you're paranoid, outside your comfort zone and have a few extra holes in your body, or you're a crazy bitch your pick"  
Pouted Hikigaya standing up and stretching his legs.

Hearing those words Sella immediately reddened to an incredible degree as if every single drop of blood in her body had rushed to her face.

She began to tremble and pointing her finger to the dark-haired teenager she cried.  
"C- crazy, b... you are the most unbearable asshole I ever me-mhuuucc"  
Or at least tried to. Before she could complete her sentence Hikigaya teleported behind her and grabbed her nape and neck.

My first thought was: "Oh shit he is going to kill her", however soon enough that thought became something more similar to: "What the actual fuck!"

Under the impotent eyes of all the Masters, servants and maids, Hikigaya pulled a Rin.

Sella's face twisted in surprise as Hikigaya deeply kissed her blocking her arms.

The homunculus tried to free herself for a couple seconds, but then several spasms shook her body and her eyes rolled back, fainting completely.

For a brief moment the whole table stared in horror at the teen, the situation was so unbelievably weird I seriously doubted anyone would have been able to process it.

"Hey don't give me that look, we all know she wasn't going to shut up "  
Snorted Hikigaya carrying the unconscious homunculus in the kitchen.

"What the hell did you just do?!"  
Asked Tohsaka dropping her chopsticks.

"A quite effective imitation of what you did to Saber 10 minutes ago. Overcharge of sensible yet not utilized nerve ways"

"Oh so you know"  
Sighed Illiya.

"Know what?"  
I asked.

"Let's put it in this way Emiya, which are the major uses of slaves?"  
Asked Hikigaya rolling his eyes.

"Heavy works, as teachers I suppose and prosituitio...oh"  
I gasped.

"Exactly: oh, the first homunculi were made to satisfy mostly the first and the last jobs, so the modern blueprints still include elevate sexual sensibility as default characteristic, yet if this pathway is not cultivated in the early stages of life it creates bugs, such as erectile dysfunction in male homunculi or that... in female, if you think about it it's pretty obvious, I mean why even bother to make every homucuncli beautiful if sex wasn't one of their main purposes"  
Explained Hikigaya pointing at Liz.

She kind of reddened a bit and then said.  
"So... I'm beautiful?"

"...yes... you 're... GOD! what's with girls these days! Are you all blind!? Really what kind of standard do you keep in your head to ask yourself that question!?"  
Burst out Hikigaya slamming his hands on his face.  
"Have some confidence! Saber, Tohsaka, brat, and Leyz-whatever-now I'm calling you Liz! rate yourself from 1 to 10"

""""What?""""

"Did I stutter?"

"7"

"8"

"8"

"..ehm...8"

"... Oh, Christ, it's a plague, Emiya rate them please confirm me my standard it's not weird"  
Sighed a completely fed up teenager.

Suddenly I felt a bunch of stares upon me, in what kind of mess did that asshole drag me into.

"Ehm 10 for all of them!?"  
I yelped unable to identify a better answer.

I mean they were all around 10 in my personal scale of tastes and I didn't know which reaction I was going to obtain saying anything lower.

"EXACTLY! Now since my time and neurons are too important to be wasted on all of you, I'm going to give each of you simple tasks that must be done by the mid-day briefing, in the meantime I'm getting back to their feet all the homunculi"  
Proclaimed the teen tossing to Saber, Tohsaka and me a piece of paper.

"Briefing? A briefing about what?"  
Asked Illiya coldly.

"...Saber"  
Sighed Hikigaya nodding towards the servant.  
"You know the answer"

The temperature in the room fell, almost as if an arctic wind had started to blow. Saber had stopped to eat and the chop-sticks in her hand exploded into a cloud of shards.

"It's about yesterday's fight... even though we were in numeric superiority, Assassin outmatched us"

"And that's not all, Sieg could have killed all of us, even in half-crazed and totally tired state, I could barely keep up with him, sure I was weakened and unprepared, but if he had spent 10 seconds actively trying to kill you Emiya, or you Tohsaka or you Einzbern we wouldn't have won. He played with us and since I'll need time to recover I seriously doubt even the four of us acting together will have a chance against him. Therefore a briefing to decide your next steps is not an option, it's a must."  
Explained the teen making a dark atmosphere cover the whole dining table.

"Why do you even suppose, we will get along with your schemes?"  
Asked Rin without making eye contact.  
"Why do you even think we would agree on an alliance?"

"... I never mentioned an alliance, nor want any of you within five miles from here, but I'd rather not have your deaths on my conscience and right now I'm the only one that knows how to deal with those two... also I have a gun"  
Nodded Hikigaya taking out from nowhere a black piece of metal.

We all froze, and before even a servant such as Saber could react, he filled the ceiling with bullets.

 _*Crack_

A part of the roof fell into pieces and with it, the asshole servant, Archer, crashed on to the floor.

"Cool now that we're all here, you can start working! Here's your list Chocolate guy, I know you can do it, ask help to the big guy out there"  
Smiled Hikigaya dragging away the two remaining homunculi While Archer could only ask:  
"What the fuck happened"

"Oh... my first task is to fix the roof"  
Commented Rin looking at her list.

* * *

(Read out loud please)  
Dear Emiya.

For today your list consists of **NOT DOING FUCKING ANYTHING!** No encounters, no weird stuff and nothing that could compromise the outing with Matou in the afternoon, I don't want another can of problems getting spilled while I'm here.  
So you're to accompany Saber in her tasks...

(okay now keep this to yourself)  
Bond with Saber, she is your servant, you have to know her, true name and all. Figure her strengths and weaknesses, explore the city she must get the layout, the tasks I gave her should already help this aspect but still...  
By the end of the week she must be willing to die for you! (And don't go over moralist with me now)

In any case, see this whole thing as a date or something, for you Raijuus this should be your comfort zone.

Side project- buy a knife and periodically cut yourself, chronometer how much time does it take to heal in base to the distance between you and Saber.

* * *

"So we're to complete my tasks together"  
Asked Saber as we made our way towards the city.

"Apparently"  
I smiled trying to forget about the whole "willing to die" part.

Saber was wearing what remained of the burned military coat she used yesterday while I was wearing one of my many training hoodies.

"What's on your list?"  
I asked moving closer to her side.

"Nothing too complex I believe: my first task is to buy scratch and win tickets"

"Uh... okay"  
I nodded a bit puzzled, but I mean it was by far the least strange thing I had to do since this morning soo it was fine.

(10 minutes later)

"Saber..."

"Yes Shiro..."

"WE'RE RICH!"  
I cried after Saber managed to win the maximum prize of the three tickets we bought.

It was crazy like a chance in a billion!

"It must be my luck"  
Commented Saber as I cashed one of the tickets.  
Geez, I had never seen so much money all at once.

A weird sense of elation made my body shiver, I know it was just a superficial kind of happiness, but come on who wouldn't be excited?

"Me if knew why the fuck Hikigaya needs all this money"  
I thought coming back from dream-land.

"...God this is going to be a mess isn't it"  
I muttered staring at Saber cute figure.  
"What's next on the list"

"Hmmm, "Saber get something to wear, something that doesn't make you look like a yellow punch in the eye, or other shit, search for something comfy and practical, ask Emiya for help and since we can't have people staring at you the whole time hold Emiya's hand, it must seem you two are a couple, so act lovely dovely and shit.  
Try to learn more about carrot-kun" or so he says"  
Said Saber blushing a little.

"C-carrot?"  
I replied while a tiny blood-vessel burst in my head.

CARROT! WHO THE FUCK HAD DARED TO CALL ME CARROT!

I was ginger for GOD SAKE there was a major difference!

"Calm down Shiro, calm down, it's not the case to get worked up over something like this"  
I sighed before I noticed a tiny hand in my sight.  
"Uh Saber?"

"Hand-holding, it seems to be a fundamental part of my disguise standing to the letter, so here hold my hand Shirou"  
Proclaimed the blonde girl with a solemn face...even though I could see a faint trace of red tinge on her cheeks.

She was trying pretty hard, wasn't she? I could hardly make-believe a girl with such a thin frame could be such a powerful fighter. However I could feel it in the rough hand I was holding, she wasn't a damsel in distress, she was a warrior that had swung a sword for more than 10000 times.  
Awkwardly holding our hands we walked across the shopping street of Fuyuky and reached a clothes shop Sakura praised one time. It was a pretty girly place, the kind of shop that expose a banner that says "Clothes for men and women", but that in reality only offers 2 types socks, and 3 models of t-shirt in the men section. Luckily today was for Saber so it wasn't really a problem, or to better phrase... the lack of choice wasn't the problem.. the excess was.

"Saber ...what's the difference between these two?"

"I don't know, the clerk has been going on for 30 minutes, and to my eyes, all the coats were the same."

"Good I thought it was only me, I hate to kill her joy, but we don't have all day"

"Agreed, I also must buy other clothes; standing to my list I need to still buy several t-shirts, pants, and undergarments"

"Wait under-what?"  
I gasped as a sudden article got added to the shopping list.

"HERE IS THE BEST ARTICLE OF THE COLLECTION! A white coat with a shirt and a blue skirt coordinated it would look totally amazing on you lady"  
Out of nowhere the clerk lady that had been serving us for the past 30 minutes arrived flustered.

Her violetish hair danced in the air as she rushed close to Saber with the nth article she wanted her to try on. The clerk was astonishingly beautiful like some kind of top model, however, the way she started to droll after making Saber try some outfits, was pretty gross, not the Hikigaya level of gross of course, but still.

Honestly, I could understand from where she came from: Saber was fucking adorable, but as said before I had bigger concerns now, or at least that's what I thought before imagining the last outfit on Saber.

"I'm sorry miss but I think, I might look at other shops no-"

"Wait Saber miss ehm D- Deame, took all this trouble why don't you try on just this last outfit"  
I proposed trying to appear as casual as possible.

"If you say so"  
Responded Saber going into the changing room.

Out of complete instinct, the clerk and I slammed our hand together and shook them as if we were two old friends. No words were needed people that shared the same goal could understand each other through their hearts.  
And ours were currently screaming "OMG she is so cute!"

"S-shiro how do I look?"  
Saber asked bashfully coming out from the changing room.

My heart skipped a bit and before I knew it I was gasping two words.  
"Looks amazing  
On you I mean you look beautiful so, you know, ehm we should buy it"  
I muttered trying to look away, but my eyes were like glued on her.

"Then that's settle it, UH! Miss clerk!"  
Saber said pointing at the woman beside me.

"AH!"

She had collapsed... and was currently drolling on the floor.

* * *

After the... incident Saber and I paid and left the shop behind continuing our list of purchases, actually I have to say I indulged a bit to leave because I saw Kuzuki-sensei going to assist the clerk that had collapsed, for the first time in my life I grasped the sight of the stern man express... emotions, concern, in particular.

"Maybe he knew her, oh well not my business"  
I thought walking through the commercial district.

Following Hikigaya's directions I bought a tiny knife and periodically softly cut myself, I discovered that the healing process was pretty quick, that the closer I was to Saber the sooner I healed and that if I was in direct contact with her I couldn't even bleed, the cut held so fast not even a drop of blood could come out from my finger.

"Uh neat"  
I smiled while Saber had stopped in front of the nth McDonald.

Why was she so attracted by junk foods!? I could cook much better and healtier burgers!  
"Saber I think we should get going"  
I said slightly pulling her hand.

"Oh sorry I was spacing out"  
"Don't worry... Actually do you want a snak or something? We don't have much more tasks left so we can take a short break"  
"Really!"  
"No burgers though"  
"What? Why not!"  
"Because there are much tastier and healtier options"  
"But Shiro"  
"No buts, look there's a crepes stall there and a red bean bun one the next block,I bet you'll find them much better"

Eventually we got burgers. I just couldn't resist Saber's eyes, face... basically anything, my spine just disappeared as soon as she made a request, I just wanted to make her happy... Oh shit was I crushing on her?  
Nah... uh... nope com'on I have known her for a day at best it's just that I was weak to her cuteness, but now no more.  
I was going to steel myself and avoid any other troublesome situations.

And donkeys can fly.

"Shiro here is the next shop"

"Mm Saber this is a lingerie shop"  
I mumbled peaking at the maiquines exposed.

"Hachiman directions told me to buy underwear"  
"Yeah"  
"And you have to accompany me"  
"Yeah, I mean what?"  
"He specifically wrote **"NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER LEAVE EMIYA ALONE FOR MORE THAN 5 MINUTES** " Besides I never bought something like this befofe I don't know if I can do it in the right way"  
"I don't think there's anything like a good or a bad way to buy underwear"  
"My servants used to say, it was silk or nothing, but I don't think I'm able to distinguish fabrirc"  
"I don't I'm able eighter, also..."

 _Who are you exactly?_

For some reason I could word that last sentence, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know Saber's identity. When I was younger I had always wondered about who was Kiritsugu before I met him, I asked him many times only obtaining half-answers and a warning "The day a threat bigger than you can handle comes to use my bullets", those same bullets that managed to injure Lancer. I had always thought Kiritsugu was strong... dangerous and now that I've had a confirmation I wasn't sure I wanted to know everything about the man that was Kiritsugu Emiya.

"Maybe some questions are better left unanswered"  
I thought as Saber pulled me inside the shop.

Then things got awkward, not for the shopping part, luckily I convinced Saber she could buy everything by herself, however, a few other customers commented the muscular and scarred back of my servant, I didn't feel it was a big deal, but then I saw Saber twitch. It wasn't something great, just an easily overlookable moment of uneasiness, but to me that felt like an outrageous offence so I put together everything Fujinee had taught me and screamed.  
"OH MY GOD DID SHE STAIN THOSE!?"  
Pointing at the girl that badmouthed Saber first.

She was a Japanese woman in her early twenties, and despite her dignified posture she couldn't help but lose her attitude and get flustered by my words as she had become the focal point of the entire shop.

"And with this I call a day"  
I proclaimed grabbing Saber and dashing towards the counter.

* * *

As we got out from the shop I kept running dragging Saber along and before I even knew I was laughing, bubbled of hilarity kept surfacing from deep inside me and I couldn't stop even after Saber asked.

"Why are you laughinnnnggg!?"

"Ah ha ahah, okay I guess we're far enough"  
I said trying to catch my breath while Saber was completely unfazed.

"Shiro why did you.. why did you speak to that woman in that way?"  
Asked my servant raising an eyebrow.

"She made fun of you"

"That's the reason, chill bruh...ah...ah I mean do not worry Shiro I'm well aware that my body is not the one a man would desire I wasn't offended by her words"

"Really?"  
I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Really"

"Really, really?"  
I said once more.

"...really"

"Okay but I'm going to do it again if something similar happens again"  
I stated crossing my arms.

"Shiro no it's not necessary, why are you even so bothered by a thing that didn't offend me... much?"

"Why I wouldn't be?"

"What?"  
Said my servant wavering a little.

"How can I not be bothered if someone badmouths you?"  
I asked tilting my head.

"But I'm fine with it why all of you can't accept it?"  
She lost her gaze far beyond me.

"eh how can I say?"  
I scratched my chin trying to word my thought in the most cautious way possible.  
" let's keep it in general ehm if people cause you trouble, or make you suffer... there are people that suffer too, and even though they know you are strong... even though they know you can take it, they just don't want to see you hurt in any way"  
I said biting my tongue as I saw Saber's face slowly disappearing behind an expressionless mask.

I tripped in a mine-field didn't I?

* * *

We concluded the rest of our chores silently and returned home not much later carrying with us the new clothes, a brand new PC and 20.000 popsicles Hikigaya had us to buy for unknown reasons.

The mood between me and Saber was tense, no actually I was tense and Saber was in a state of total apathy.

"We're back"  
I said opening the door and leaving the purses behind and heading to the living room.

There I found Rin kneeled over the pavement drawing a magic circle with red painting.  
"Hey welcome back"  
She said taking a pause.

"How you doing Tohsaka? Hikigaya sure put you up for good uh?"  
I greeted looking at the massive magic circle.  
"What, did he ask reinforce the house's defences?"

"No he doesn't trust me especially for something like that, and for what it matters not even you should"

She giggled brushing her cheek with the back of her hand.

"Well that's unfortunate"  
I handed her a napkin to clean herself.  
"Because I trust you"

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN!"  
"That you're still dirty of paint-thingy on your face"  
"Not the napkin, wait really?"  
"Yes there, no go a bit higher okay cool"  
"Thanks... so what about this you trust me thing"

I could feel a warm sense of awkwardness spreading through all the room as a flash of red run across Rin's face.  
Oh... that was going to escalate quickly, I was pretty sure that in no time Tohsaka would have gone all commando and tried to attack me.

"Well I mean... you know, you look like...look I mean, are! A reliable person and I don't think you would use underhanded ways to attack someone...or something along those lines"  
I muttered ready to dodge any incoming object, but with my surprise, nothing came.

Rin just sighed.

"You truly are a blockhead"

And returned to work.

Eventually, I joined her side to watch her draw, and after the silence increased the awkwardness of the situation another terrible discussion started.  
"So what happened with Saber, she looked weird"

"I don't know we went to a shop and [...] that's the story"

"You screamed that ahahahahah!"  
"Ah ah ah yes I'm an idiot, please help me I don't know what to do"  
I bowed my head trying to remain proud and stern, however, I was really desperate inside.

The fact Saber had gone silent shocked me from my very core, I thought I still had to understand how to deal with angry girl sure, but dear God the silent treatment was 10000 times worse. I needed answers!

"Puahaha you really can't get a clue"  
"Not helping Tohsaka"  
"Relax anything that's bothering her is beyond you right now, I think you did nothing wrong though and did something good, still I can't believe you had a side like that ahaha"  
"I'm not sure I feel better"  
"Then help me instead, so you are too busy to sulk"  
Said Rin handing me a brush.

"Well manual work never failed me"

I accepted her brush with a sigh and started to follow her directions. Apparently her job was to create a projection field, basically, a hologram from any sci-fi movie, since projection was one of the two thaumaturgy I knew I quickly grasped what I had to do.

In silence we painted symbols and added several kinds of powders in the magical circle to enchant its properties, then at one point Rin's elbow softly hit me by mistake and on a whim, I decided to pay her back in the same way and we started exchanging jabs... things degenerated fast.

In a couple of seconds, we were messing with the painting on each other's faces and for some reason, Tohsaka started laughing her ass off, a quick check on a window and I discovered a pair brush moustaches had appeared on my face... so yeah I looked like a colour corrected Hitler.

"Einz, Zwei"  
I shouted rising an a particular position my right arm and making display of my whole knowledge of the German language.

To be honest, my intent wasn't of being funny, but keep Rin busy before she realized that the points and the lines on her face could look like... a junk if seen from the wrong angle.

"What the fuck!"  
But of course, I couldn't have an embarrassing moment that wasn't witnessed by the wrong person.  
"1, Red and the Third Reich don't mix well together especially in winter like we are, 2 Tohsaka why you have a... nevermind. WHY THE HELL ARE YOU SLAKING OFF!"  
Namely Hikigaya Hachiman, that luckily got my "CUT CUT CUTTTTTT" signal before angering Tohsaka.

"Hikigaya weren't you in the shower!?"  
Asked Rin looking at the teen dressed as a police officer?

"Nah I got out by the window with Liz and looted Sieg's car or at least what remained of it, the bathroom was to make you think I was still inside the house after sewing up Sella"  
Said the teen putting down a pretty suspicious set of suitcases.

Suddenly another monotoned voice joined us and Leizritt appeared beside Hikigaya with another set of suitcases and a black wig.  
"Hachiman where do I... put these"

"Toss them in my room all that stuff is broken but the pieces can come handy"

"Fine"

"... Before anyone speaks yeah she looks like she just got out from a porn"  
Sighed Hikigaya voicing my thought as I watched Officer Liz walk away in a tight uniform.

"...why..."  
I asked trying not to get distracted by Liz...bottom.

"It will be faster to show you"

* * *

"BREAKING NEWS! Today an unknown couple of criminals managed to break into an area reserved for investigations of the local police force. Yesterday night two vehicles in the outer part of Fuyuki exploded giving start to several fires in the woods, the cars are yet to be identified, however, the authorities suspect the local Yakuza is involved, here the footing of the incident"

"Here we can observe the female accomplish trying to persuade the local police force to let her take away several suspicious suitcases"

 _"Hey what are you doing with all that stuff? It was supposed to go in the CSI van"_

 _"No...mmm I was told to.. put them in the...car"_

 _"Car? Which car officer?"  
_

 _"Ehm"_

 _"You're new right, I would remember an ass like yours"_

 _* **SBBAAAAMMMM**_

"Then we can see the male accomplish quickly knock out the officer with what seems to be... a frying pan"

 _"One job, one job, woman. Do not attract attention, why would you even pass in front of any man with that outfit, let's go before putting the boss in trouble"_

 _"Boss... do we have a boss?"_

 _"Yeah... yeah we do, let's just hope NONE is recording this scene"_

 _"You're still... paying me right?"_

 _"Sure sure you'll have my topless photos, but really why would you even want them?"_

 _"Research..."_

 _"Whatever floats your boat"_

"The authorities noticed the criminals soon after"

 _"Stop them!"_

 _"Uh AH! Start the car! Start the car GIRL!"_

 _* **VRRROOOMMMMMM**_

"It's likely that the criminals have been partners for a while and have experience in the environment of illegal drift racing. In fact, we can see the criminal woman drive a stolen police car precisely around all the other vehicles of the authorities, while the other accomplish dived in the car through the passenger's seat window. A manoeuvre only seen in movies thus far."  
"Eventually the police started to chase the criminals but they revealed to be armed"

 _"You'll never have me alive corporate slaves!"_

 _"Holy shit they have a minigun!"_

 ** _*THRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR._**

 _"HE GOT THE TREES! HE GOT THE TREES STOP!"_

 _ ***CRACK!** _

"Using a high caliber submachine gun, the criminals blocked the police making several trees fall on the road, the chase continued through helicopter but when the criminals reached Fuyuki sky-loop road they managed to... well... send the footage"

 _"Is he going to jump?"  
_ " _No there's no way he'd try something like that we're too high"_  
 _"He is jumping"_  
 _"What!"  
"He got a cabled hook"_

 ** _*Ting!_**

"Hello fellas mind switching off the camera"

"Wait there's more footage?"

 _"Do not transmit"  
* **s**_ ** _bam_**

 _"stuff"  
_ _* **s**_ ** _bam_** _  
_

 _"that's not"  
_ _* **s**_ ** _bam_** _  
_

 _"family-friendly"  
_ _* **s**_ ** _bam_** _  
_

 _"on this"  
_ _* **s**_ ** _bam_** _  
_

 _"Channel"  
_ _* **s**_ ** _bam_**

"He's just bashing the cameraman against the camera... we're on air? Fuc-"

* * *

"You're paying Liz with topless photos"  
I asked.

"Yup"

"THAT'S SERIOUSLY WHAT YOU WANT TO POINT OUT!"  
Cried Rin pointing at the television we just switched off.

"...Ehm, yes? It's the only part I can't explain"  
I replied cocking my eyebrow.

"They fought the police"

"Which is relatively more safe than engaging a servant"

Looking the situation from an objective point of view I'd feel much more relaxed being chased by the police rather than Lancer.

"...They took Sieg and Assassin's stuff, we have a target on our back now"

"I'm pretty sure we all had the moment the command seals appeared on our hands"

"Why a can't you see the problem"

"Which problem! Right now there are too many one more one less won't make a difference!"

"Stop using logic and tell me I'm right!"

"Okay you're right the situation is even messier than before, but if Hikigaya paranoid ass took this risk than there must be some kind of payoff!"  
I screamed while my and Rin's cheeks reddened.

"Uhg... I'm... Eh I guess I'll leave the two of you alone, you know to check on the servants and stuff"  
Whispered Hikigaya slowly leaving the room.

For a moment only silence remained between me and Rin.  
"I don't think you have realized yet Emiya-kun, but the holy grail war is a poker match... with your life as a minimum wage"

"I realize that well Tohsaka, maybe even more than you do, I'm ready to bet my life, the true question is, are you?"  
I asked while the image of a young boy that had just lost his world in a fire ran in my mind.

It was almost funny, a thing is defined broken if it can't accomplish its role anymore, but it can be recycled if it's given a new purpose, however, a broken thing remain trash and in the end... it doesn't matter if you break it, even more, to give it a new purpose.

"...I"

Rin gasped as her face got reflected in my empty eyes.

"I'm..."

"WHO'S READY FOR A BRIEFING!"  
The door got suddenly open.

* * *

Before Rin was able to articulate a response for my question Illiya burst out from the door and using this diversion the twin-tailed magus escaped from our conversation.

I was thinking about cornering her once again to ask the same question, but Rin was too smart to fall in the same trap twice, so I could just acknowledge that and shut up... for now.

"Okay I'm gonna say it only once so keep you ears open"  
Began Hikigaya litting on fire several herbs in a jar.

Sweet fumes spread all over the room and with each breath, I felt my head get lighter. Was he drugging us?  
Well, it didn't matter.

"Saber, Archer, and Einzbern acting as Berserker proxy have to knee in the center of the magic circle.  
Listen to my voice, and my voice only, now breath"

Invisible colors danced before me.

"Breath"

The sound of a bel resounded in the distance.

"Breath"

The magic circle started to glow.

"Breath"

Then there was only nothingness, only a fuzzy white uncomprehensible landscape.

"Good now, all of you empty your minds, focus only on the beating of your heath and Illiya...I want you to remember what happened yesterday night"

A whirlpool of colors appeared out of nowhere, slowly forming the view of a mountain street and the insides of a car.  
Then everything happened so fast, the car stopped abruptly a voice screamed "enemies" and all I knew next was that there was fire everywhere.

"Illiya focus, your mind is getting overcome, control your emotions show us Sieg and Assassin"

The chaos quieted down, time moved back until the two figures of Sieg and Assassin were clear before my eyes.  
The fight Illiya experienced poured right through my brain letting me the astonishing threat Sieg posed, his moves looked far sharper than when I fought him and his mind much more lethal.  
Even when cornered he managed to possess Illiya's familiars and obtain time to regroup with Assassin, he ruthlessly turned the whole road in a sea of flames just to increase his chances to win, smashed Assassin's face when he was looking like Sella to destabilize Illiya, and almost killed her releasing a terrifying blast of energy.

More than ever I was realizing how dangerous he was, and how lucky I was to have encountered him in a debilitated state... his thought made my bones shiver as much as the thought of Lancer.

"Switch to Berserker, let us see what he saw"  
Spoke Hikigaya letting another observer take the lead.

The color palette abruptly changed, everything just becomes crimson and black; Berserker's mind was surely a wild place where logic stopped to exist and only rage remained.  
The only figure that stood out in that confusion was a man completely made out of darkness.

He was a bug, nothing more than a bug, but the mad warrior couldn't crush him. No matter how close he got to the bug always escaped him and bit back, using weird weapons and tricks the bug adapted to fight Berserker faster than anyone would believe. The mad warrior was holding back since fighting to his full potential against the bug would have endangered his own Master. Yet the mad warrior had a doubt, an unsettling...fear? Could be it even called that? An undefinable feeling...

Assassin, that bug, was a creature that had always fought while being the weakest, but somehow he had become a hero, something wasn't right. More brutal Berserker's attacks got more refined Assassin's movements became.

Assassin could turn strengths into weaknesses, concepts such as fate and causality weren't applicable to him, he existed o his own in a different reality...no wait he wasn't alone.

Suddenly, a blue blade appeared in his hand and behind him a long-haired woman of the same color. With her at his side Assassin attacked Berserker with even more power dancing through devastating blows and fierce slashes until the mad servant was on his knees.

"What the fuck was that"  
I said completely overwhelmed by Assassin's presence.

Immediately after the scenario swapped with... a porn I had seen a few weeks ago.

"Goddamit Emiya, which part of empty your minds was not clear! This spell is sensible if you say "fuck" your memory will mess up the hologram"  
Cried Hikigaya while a blonde woman with twin tails also cried in the background.

Then a fist reached my nose.  
"Soft reboot time"

"UGHHH!"  
I groaned holding my face.

The illusion had disappeared, still the magic circle kept glowing and the sweet mist remained in the room.

Thanks to the spectral magic I could see the silhouettes of Hikigaya, Rin, Illya, the maids and, the two servants, but they looked so confused... dammit, my head was still light and my ability to focus remained pretty limited.

"Phase two, everybody step closer to Saber and Archer and make a circle with your hands.  
Now they will both use their memories to remember the fight with Assassin, however, they moved too much across the city so our minds will be needed to stabilize the scenario. Now breathe and focus on Fuyuki."

* * *

"Ah?"

" _Hey Emiya don't faint now, I need your brain"_

"...What?"

" _Oh great, all the geographical thinking is on him. Focus people!"_

 _"_ Hikigaya?"

"Keep focusing he is returning conscious and here he is. Hello beautiful"  
Said the death eyed teen holding my head in his hands.

"What are you doing?"  
I asked as our faces were terribly close.

"I'm not sure, I don't quite remember the pressure points I should press in this situation, what's the last thing you remember?"

"You saying to focus on Fuyuki"  
I said realizing I was lying on asphalt?

I mean the floor sure looked like asphalt but it felt more like a carpet.

"Where am I?"  
I asked as my lips felt unnaturally dry.

"Yesterday's Fuyuki, or at least an illusion of it"

"I see, why did I pass out?"

"Apparently you were the only one with enough knowledge of Fuyuki, no that's not right ehm... there was a pretty serious gap in the informations you possessed about the city and the ones the others had. They just have memorized the general layout of the city, you... well it's more like you knew the blueprints. The spell desire precision so it forced all its attention on you, your brain simply couldn't keep up with the effort."

"Where are the others?"  
I stood up searching around with my stare just to find Masters and maids around a smartphone.

"There using google street view, they need to balance your brain. But now that you're up we can go on, we don't have all day. Okay Saber, Archer, take us to the lake"  
Said Hikigaya making sign to form again a circle with everybody.

Soon enough the world around me began to spin, taking me back to the moment when Hikigaya used Saber as a trampoline, then Assassin's bullets started to fly and the same scene I lived a few hours ago played again.

* * *

Assassin appeared out of nowhere after having put me, Rin, Archer, and Saber in disarray. He immediately went to place the fake bomb watch on Rin and then headed for Saber's throat, since I was in the way, she couldn't use her blade properly so I tried to stop Assassin putting my self on the line with Hikigaya's dark knife. Oddly enough I managed to parry a few hits from the servant's pink sword but then I got kicked aside.

"Ugh I reminded that part a lot slower"  
I thought watching a scene I didn't get to see as I was blinded by pain at the time.

Quickly recovering from the confusion Saber swung her invisible sword, pushing Assasin on the defensive. Having no idea of the length of the blade, the black servant leaped backward with a backflip and thrust his sword against Archer, summoning his twin swords, Archer blocked the attack with a crossguard and pushed Assassin away, however, the servant while still in mid-air let lose the grip on his weapon and kicked its pommel with all his might sending the pink blade against Archer's throat.  
The tanned servant twisted his neck and wasn't wounded by that sneak move, however, I would have sworn the blade had touched him at one point.

"Sorry, do we have slow motion?"  
I asked unable to shake off a doubt.

"Emiya what kind of question is that? Of course, we have slow motion"  
Replied Hikigaya sending back the last scene.

"Look at the blade, it passed through Archer's skin"

"Yeah it stuck me too, Tohsaka focus on the memories of this moment"

"Why? Isn't Saber memory working to recreate this scene"  
Rin asked looking at Hikigaya and me with an irritated look.

"Our brains are all working together to have a more complete recollection of yesterday's fight, Saber and Archer provide the main feed, but our memories are important as well, Emiya had his eyes closed at the time, so maybe your fear of Archer getting hurt is modifying what you remember"  
Explained the dark-haired teen.

"Do you think I was scared?"  
She cocked an eyebrow

"That's how close death experiences work, even I would be scared"

"Fine, you win Hikigaya, let me focus"  
Sighed Rin closing squeezing her eyes.  
"Any changes?"

"No, same scene"  
I replied confused.

Something didn't feel right, I had to watch this part again... or at least that's what I wanted to do, but Illya butted in forcing the recollection to go on.  
"Let's move forward, there's no point in stopping here, an error can occur if it happens twice then we can worry"

Giving up on her fair argument, we kept watching the fight, looking how Assassin danced through Archer and Saber's slashes, he followed a weird pattern, continuously moving back and forth between his two opponents until Saber lost her patience and released a wind blast that sent him, Rin, me and Archer flying.

"Smart"  
Gasped Hikigaya setting his dead stare on Assassin.  
"Assassin measured the length of Saber invisible sword, rising dust off the ground while he was on the defensive, then faked an opening to try out Saber's power when she still had to hold back"

"... so that's how an assassin fight"  
Muttered Sella seemingly hypnotized by the dark servant landing unarmed after confronting two heroic spirits.

"Ah, I'm sorry but you have already lost"  
Chuckled Assassin while his pink sword flew back to him.  
"KILLER QUEEN HAS ALREADY TOUCHED THAT WATCH"  
He cried pointing at Rin leaving every listener confused.  
"...I mean that watch it's a bomb and it will blow up her arm unless she runs 10000 in five minutes... or you two my dear colleagues stop me first"  
He clarified before escaping towards the other side of the lake.

Oh, I remembered that part... and also... was it me or the Tohsaka bomb pairing was becoming a running gag recently.

As Archer and Saber chased after Assassin the effort I and the others had to go through to maintain the simulation grew more and more, we didn't have direct memories to work with, just our focus capacity, that had to keep up with servants speed as they passed in front of Hikigaya and Sieg. We got a moment of peace as Assassin blocked Saber's sight with his bullets before hitting her in the face, but then again our heads exploded following the servants as they reached the heart of the city along with Berserker.

* * *

"Okay things are going to get messier"  
Preannounced Hikigaya while the lights of the city appeared uneven and confused.

Probably all of us had visited those areas of Fuyuki in different periods, so our minds had difficulty synchronizing with each other. The mental image we had was different so elements that I, Rin, Illiya and the maids experienced differently were glitchy, like the advertising signs for example, or the parked cars and so on.

I observed with outmost curiosity Assassin escape across my city, effortlessly dodging Archer's arrows, chunking down a not better specified canned drink and getting faster with each sip.

"...is that some kind of potion"  
I thought as the servants arrived in the construction site of a new skyscraper.

There their battle began once more.  
Assassin dashed right inside the unfinished building bouncing on concrete columns and, iron bars with the grace of a butterfly while Berserker chased him destroying everything in his way. Saber and Archer stopped outside the building aware that Berserker mad rush would have got them too if they tried to get closer.

"Can you hit him?"  
Asked Saber as Archer draws his bow.

"I'm not sure he seems to have some kind of dodging skill, none of my arrows hit the target"

"Maybe you're just not as skilled as you thought"

"Don't sass me, Saber, it won't help us underestimating him"  
Growled Archer stopping to aim.  
"He's far more dangerous than you think."

"Is he a personal acquaintance of yours"

"No... but he is handling Berserker on his own so... that marks him as dangerous in my book"

"What?"  
Gasped Saber focusing on the top of the building.

Berserker had just broken through the uncompleted roof following Assassin's black figure, they alone appeared in the night sky.  
"GHRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
Cried the mad servant swinging Nine lives.

 _Wait how did I know that was the blade's name._

The stone ax-sword traced a red arc in the night, however, Assassin avoided it and rolled on the flat side of the weapon reaching Berserker's arm. I could barely believe my eyes as the tiny figure of the man used Berserker's momentum and threw him against the rooftop.

And apparently my reaction was shared by both servants.

"Holy"

"...shit"  
Saber felt her grip weaken a little on her sword as Assassassin landed a powerful kick on Berserker's chin.

The rooftop broke down and the two servants began to fall in the void, Berserker tried to block Assassin in his hand, however, the servant had already bounced off the colossal warrior. Using falling debris as stepping stones Assassin started a mad slashing dance in mid-air cutting Berserker and several fundamental points of the building.

Everything started to collapse burying Berserker under tons of iron and concrete, a thing that usually would have kept the mad servant busy for... five minutes? Maybe less. However, as a final blow Assassin released his noble phantasm.

" _Bound together what's unreachable"  
 **[CONNECTION]  
** YUI  
_

The pink blade of Assassin's sword shattered in thousands of sakura petals molding together debris and Berserker's flesh without distinction, completely blocking the massive warrior.

Everyone in the room was speechless and the three homunculi, well their jaws had pretty much hit the floor.  
The only person that broke that peace was Hikigaya.  
"Are you kidding this dude copied Bleach and Jojo this is pure bullshit"

Of course, everybody ignored him as Archer and Saber had started to engage Assassin. At this point, his sword was just a handle and a guard so he tossed it aside and jumped away from Saber's attack a moment before it was too late.

"Ah, can you please avoid to assault an armless and defenseless servant for five minutes?"  
Asked Assassin moving straight into Archer kill zone.

The tanned servant slashed madly with his twin swords trying to get Assassin, however, he managed to avoid all blows. It was like he could predict what was going to happen next, no beyond that, he wasn't even focusing on Archer.

Assassin's body reacted out of reflex to Archer's attack while his mind was focused on using his pistol to assault Saber. Black bullets kept bouncing on her armor and invisible sword, to me they looked all like pointless attempts to avoid my servant joined the melee, however as the projectiles started to ricochet all over the place even reaching Saber's back my opinion changed.

To avoid being hit in a blind spot Saber rose sword in the air, facing the flat side and generated a cage of wind eliminating all the bullets flying around.

Assassin's eyes widened.  
"Bitch"  
He muttered extending his hand in the emptiness.

Connection, the pink sword he had discarded less than ten minutes prior suddenly dashed towards Assassin at crazy speed. Still, everyone noticed that more than a sword the weapon looked like a dagger: the length of the blade was probably twenty percent or less than its original size, and it was virtually useless against other blades.

"Yet Archer knew better than judge a weapon from its size, for he empathized with said _weapon...with all the double senses"  
_ I mumbled

"I heard you, carrot"  
Replied the tanned servant.

"I'm ginger for Christ sake"

"Vanilla, Chocolate, shut up daddy's watching the match"  
Commented Hikigaya watching Archer smash away from Assassin's grasp the pink dagger.

Archer grinned seeing the weapon again beyond the reach of his opponent, however, do did Assassin...with a horrible smile he looked at his weapon being sucked inside Saber wind barrier.  
"Come!"  
Putting a lot of mana in his voice, Assassin called again the dagger.

The pink blade was still in the hands of Saber miniature storm, but as he summoned it back the dagger changed his trajectory enough to trace a thin red line on Saber's face.

"DAAHHH!"  
With a war cry, Saber used her wind to shoot beyond the horizon Assassin's weapon.

Then she charged the black servant lounging in a long slash. What happened next was just pure madness, Assassin found himself in the middle of two angry servants armed with swords and began a crazy dance to avoid all their attacks.

Saber and Archer released an incredible storm of slashes, thrusts and stabs leaving behind only faint glowing lines, yet no attack managed to hit the target, Assassin jumped, spun, crawled at an astonishing speed managing to keep up with the fury of the two servants, even baiting them to slightly harm one another.

Like a professional ice skater Assassin pirouetted between Saber's long sword and Archer twin blades avoiding the nth killer blow, at that point Saber exchanged a quick glare with Archer and made sign to fall back.

In an instant, Archer leaped a hundred meters back, while Saber took a long step back, Assassin had remained alone in the middle of her range.

 **"AIRSTRIKE!"**

Without any strategy or graced my servant released for a second the true power of her sword.

Completely overwhelming her opponent.

A destructive wave of wind destroyed everything in sight and ripped into pieces Assassin's battle suit. The black servant crashed a building rising an insane amount of dust.

I couldn't see a thing and no matter how hard I tried, I wasn't able to understand what was going on... probably because nor Archer nor Saber could at the time. I just managed to see a blue flash, right before Berserker's scream tore apart the air.

"GGGAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Saber and Archer got distracted by the sudden noise, an error they immediately paid as Assassin slapped Archer before disappearing in the shadows again.

To increase the visibility Saber used once again her wind to clear up the area, but when the dust moved away only three servants remained Berserker, Saber, and Assassin.

"What the hell?"  
Muttered Tohsaka as Archer's memories were still very present in the simulation, but the servant himself was not.

Without wasting time Berserker charged at Assassin, who wore an expression of complete confusion before giving heed to his survival senses and staring to escape.

Saber remained speechless for a moment as her whole body screamed something was wrong and in fact.  
* _BAM BAM_

Two bullets come out from the darkness and injured her hand even if it was covered by a metallic glove.

"An illusion I should have expected that from an assassin"  
Said Saber with a proud voice as Assassin came out from his hide.

I couldn't put my finger on it but he gave a completely different aura from before, sure the purple "III"s in his eyes had become "VII"s, but there was something in his expression that was far more unsettling, it was like a veil of playful madness had wrapped around the servant's face.

"Ara, ara in battle shoulds and should nots are always the first step to start regretting your own actions. Am I right Saber?"  
Asked the servant moving from a shadow to another.  
"Do you have regrets, young lady?"

"That's none of your business"

"So yes"

"Silence"

"Oh, my, my quite the temper you got Saber, I bet you made your friends go crazy back in the day... or wait, did you have friends?"

"..."

"Just as I thought, it's lonely at the top, isn't it?"

"STAY QUIET!"  
Roared Saber channeling incredible amounts of mana inside her legs.

In a fraction of a second, she appeared in front of Assassin and brought down her invisible sword.

"Oh, I stuck a nerve, didn't I? Sorry, not sorry"  
Giggled the man avoiding the attack while moving his gun in front of Saber's face.

* _Bang_

Twisting her neck to an insane degree my servant dodged the bullet and smacked Assassin away with her gauntlet. It was clear that Assassin was extremely tired as he barely managed to avoid Saber's slap broke any bones, his breathing was ragged, but his eyes were as sharp as a fine-honed blade.  
He could win a battle of brawl so he was going with a battle of minds.

"Ku-uhuhahahahah! I see, no friends because none knew who you really were... a woman, dressed up as a knight, I doubt you got invited to after-work parties right"  
Gouging out from his mouth blood and words Assassin kept provoking Saber.

Until she snapped and charged again at full speed, she summoned a tornado to power her charge ready to pour all her might in one blow a thing that, unfortunately...back-fired.

Disregarding any logic Assassin charged against the incoming Saber with a speed that was almost embarrassing for a servant, he looked like a mad man that had lost reason, My servant, however, felt no pity and thrust her invisible sword forward.

Time then slowed down... literally... Rin had activated the slow-motion. Assassin jumped back displaying an acceleration even superior to Saber's one and clapped his hands on the flat sides of the invisible blade. His weight shifted back letting his feet abandon the ground and kick with all their might the guard of the invisible sword.  
Suddenly the change of momentum shot Saber in the air sending her to crash against a building.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH"  
With a war cry, Assassin dashed again against my servant bringing up a weird gun with a blue orb attached.

He shot two bullets made out of mana and Saber using only her instinct smacked them away with her blade, one flew up in the night sky, while the other returned straight against Assassin.

* _TWIIINNNN_

The bullet exploded in a cloud of blue particles, Saber, still stuck in the wall, rejoiced for a moment then Assassin burst or from the blue mist. He was wearing a black lab coat, two purple "V"s shone bright in his eyes and his white clad fist was going straight against Saber.

"GAH!"  
Gasped Saber raising her metallic glove to stop the blow.

However, the fist just broke through the armor and crashed on her skin. Blood and metal flew everywhere as terrible sound of bones shattering resounded loud. Saber gritted her teeth and endured the pain swinging with her good hand the sword, unfortunately, the sword slash was far too broad an imprecise to be effective, Assassin dodged it and jumped up in the sky leaving a tiny white line behind.

To me, it looked like a complete waste of power, but then I noticed his goal wasn't to simply avoid Saber's attack but to reach the first mana bullet he shot.

And as this realization spread across the room all the presents could only mutter one thing.

"Son"  
"...of"  
"a..."  
"..bitch"

In another stardust shower Assassin crashed against the blue bullet, and threw something at Saber, she immediately defended herself blocking the unidentified object with the flat side of her invisible sword and kept her eyes wide open. Too many times Assassin had exploited bullets or other throwing weapons to block her sight or make her close her eyes... and now she wasn't going to fall in the same trick never again.

A thing that revealed to be Saber's downfall, because what Assassin threw... was a flashbang.

* _POWWW_

A bright explosion carved its way in Saber's pupils completely blinding my servant, and then... nothing everything became black as Saber passed out. I could only hear the soft sound of a syringe injecting something inside Saber and undistinct mutter, a couple flashes of a pub and a few unrecognizable faces.

The only thing I knew was that after Saber got knocked out my mind spaced out until the simulation was over.

By the time I regained my focus I only heard Hikigaya speaking  
"Well the briefing has ended. Assassin is a versatile fighter, he exploit the confidence you have in your stronger skills and turn them against you, never approach him in groups it will backfire unless your teamwork is perfect. He got something along seven different phantasms but he can use only one at the time and none of them seems very powerful, just avoid being stuck by that pink sword... it looks like it actives some kind of dodging skill, figure out the other phantasms by yourself. He posses two powerful allies Lancer and this Ruler... be careful to her she seems crazy strong.  
And please... give up honor, if you want to defeat him overpower him with your Noble Phantasm. Now you can get the hell out of here, a yandere is coming and I don't want extra messes... Oh also here your photos Liz.

"Thanks...hey... they are... all in black and white..."

"Coloured ones are at the end"

"Oh..."

And after that only Saber, Hikigaya and I remained.

* * *

"So how much are we fucked?"  
I asked sighing deeply.

"Right now?"  
Retorted the dark haired teen falling on his butt.  
"A lot"

"How bad is your leg? You have put up a strong front all the time but as soon as none was starring at you, you started limping"  
"I'm surpirsed you noticed Emiya, and terrible, it takes me a conscious effort to walk properly, fighting a servant in this condition is out of question, also I think I'm going to use a cane"  
"Wouldn't that give out your condition to everybody? You didn't want anyone to see your condition so they don't know you're vulnerable"  
"Yeah but if I stuff the cane with explosive trickes and stuff they'll just think I'm poorly concealing a weapon"  
"Sounds crazy... but in your usual style, however how are going to build this cane?"  
"Don't worry about that, I have already done the preparations, Archer build a few of the parts I'm going to need along with the railgun in the backyard"  
"Wait... he build a what?!"  
"A railgun those things that use magnets to shoot bullets at crazy speed, I made him build the pieces with the stuff in your shed, enchant them and then I just assembled it when none was watching, the aiming program still needs to be coded, but that's not a big deal"  
"WHY ARE YOU TALKING OF A MILITARY GRADE WEAPON IN THE BACKYARD AS IF IT WASN'T THAT BIG OF A DEAL!"  
"Emiya we're literally against legends here, the concept of big deal is a bit corrupted, plus you were much more chill when we talked about the police, why a simple cannon bothers you that much?"  
"None was messing with my stuff!"  
"Okay fair point, but now we should focus on a more important situation.  
"Right"  
I said as both of us stared intensely at Saber.

Blocked between my golden eyes and Hikigaya dead ones, my servant gulped unconsciously checking the exists of the room. Her ahoge was upright and still as if it was reacting to Saber's stress.  
"Your hand" _  
_"Your mana"  
"UH?"  
"UH?"  
Hikigaya and I called out two different problems.  
Mmmh what was wrong with Saber's mana?

"Oi Emiya don't tell me you didn't notice?"  
Hikigaya tilted his head.

"Noticed what?"

"Her energy genius, you aren't giving her any, she fought on her own a battle how long do you think she is gonna last without getting recharged!"

"Oh shit, I forgot! I was too busy thinking about her hand!"  
I smashed my hands in my GINGER hair.

"What about her hand?"  
Hikigaya rose an eyebrow.

"Assassin crushed her hands yesterday, with Saber enchanted healing, have you any idea how many scomposed fractures got put together in the wrong way"

"OH God! She can't hold her sword we are fucked fucked fucked!"

"WE'RE DOOMED!"

"STOP TALKING AS IF I'M NOT EVEN HERE!"  
Shouted Saber interrupting the Hikigaya rolling on the floor in fethal position and me smashing my head on the closest wall.

"Ah right sorry Saber"  
I apologized.

"Yeah sword-girl we're sorry, we were just caught in the heat of the moment"

"GHHH Yes! I'm currently sustaining myself only with personal prana and yes! My hands got injured but I'm going to recover soon, my body is already working"  
Grunted Saber showing the greatest outburst of emotions since I met her.

It was a bad thing I felt kind of happy?

"And how long that will take?"  
Asked Hikigaya regaining his cool.

"2 days at best three at worst, I can still fight, but using my NoblePhantasm would be difficult both in physical and energetic terms."

"So what do we do? Saber is powerful and dangerous for every servant I doubt a moment of weakness like this is going to pass unnoticed"  
I sighed trying to remain as pragmatic as I can.

"We? We do nothing"  
Replied Hikigaya standing up.  
"You. You two need allies and most of all to figure out the mana issue before the situation is too dire."  
And saying so he moved out.

"Hachiman are you running away?!"  
Roared Saber looking at the teen.

"Yup, right now I'm as neutral as possible, I don't gain anything from this war. Right now the only thing I wanted was to make sure everyone understood taking me down is a lot of effort with little results, and have a couple of insurances. I'm only on my side if I'm giving you advice is because I'm living here. Ask my help when you have something to bargain"

Then the door slammed.

"Jackass"  
I muttered.  
"Can't blame him but still a jackass"

"Shiro, do you think it's safe to just let him go like that?"

"No idea, but in the end, he is a big softy. I don't know what he wants...but he is ready to bargain, so we just need to find something he desiress and he will help us"

"... I...I am sorry"  
Suddenly said Saber bowing her head.  
"For the behavior, I assumed this morning... it was unbecoming of me, and..."

Oh geez for how long had that thing bothered her.

"Saber stop"  
I placed a hand on her shoulder.

"You don't need to talk about what bothered you unless you want to, I know I'm your master but we have been together just for a day, so don't feel obliged to explain"  
I said trying to make my voice as deep as possible... I wasn't really sure why though.

"...Thank you"  
She muttered avoiding eye-contact.

"However, I'm angry you didn't bring up the mana issue sooner"

The inclination of my voice suddenly got thug and my eyes started to focus five centimeters above Saber's head because let's be honest if I stared right in her face, my angry act would have crumbled pretty fast.  
"Have you anything to say on this matter?"

"I... I'm sorry"

"Good, now how do we solve this matter?"

"Servants sustain themselves using the prana granted them by their Master, however, I'm aware that consuming the life force of a human being is also an option..."

"With consuming you mean..."

"Yes killing, devouring their life force until only an empty husk remains"

"...I'd rule out this option"

"Gland we are on the same page"

"However now we are back to the start... can you consume animals instead of humans?"  
I asked.

"...I'm not sure... I never tried, nor imagined to have to, but I think it might require a lot of them to equal the energy of a single human soul."

"...Well plan C it is then"  
I proclaimed going to grab my PC.

"What are you planning"  
Asked Saber twisting lightly her head.

"Bargain"

* * *

Stereo: ON  
Microphone: ON  
Volume: Maxed  
Youtube: Open.

"Okay Karaoke time"

Hikigaya tried to get attentions acting all mysterious, and keeping for himself precious info, well I wasn't going to dance with his tune. It wasn't going to be me the one begging for something!

"Shiro... what are we doing?"  
Asked Saber the moment I placed a microphone in her hands.

"We're going to bargain peace and quiet for useful information"  
I said while a malicious smile rose on my lips.

We were on the highway to hell and the challenge was about what broke first the glasses of my house or Hikigaya's will. Then there was this side part of me that wanted to see Saber sing in the clothes we just bought, but that's unrelated... partially unrelated. Okay, it was the main reason.

"Come on Saber tell me a title"  
I put my hands on the keyboard.

"Shiro I'm not well acquainted with the music of this era, I know only meme songs, and I'd avoid to sing "Smoke The Weed""

"That would be quite an image"  
I thought suppressing a laugh.  
"Mmmm are you sure you don't have any idea at all?"  
I asked not quite ready to reveal a tiny secret of mine.

Saber started to scratch her chin and look around, while her ahoge kept moving left and right.  
"Killer queen?"  
She then said putting on a serious expression.  
"Hachiman told me it's some kind of power, but also a song."

"Ah yes it's a song of a pretty famous British rock-band, the Queen"  
I responded searching a picture of the band on the internet.

"...They are called Queen?"  
"Yes"  
"Even though they are all men"  
"...yes"  
"And they come from England"  
"Yes..."  
"I love them"  
"What?"  
"Shiro let me try this song"

* * *

* _Piano starts playing_

She keeps her Moet et Chandon

In her pretty cabinet  
"Let them eat cake", she says  
Just like Marie Antoinette  
A built-in remedy  
For Khrushchev and Kennedy  
At anytime an invitation  
You can't decline

Caviar and cigarettes  
Well versed in etiquette  
Extraordinarily nice

She's a Killer Queen  
Gunpowder, gelatine  
Dynamite with a laser beam  
Guaranteed to blow your mind  
Anytime

Recommended at the price  
Insatiable an appetite  
Wanna try?

To avoid complications  
She never kept the same address  
In conversation  
She spoke just like a baroness  
Met a man from China  
Went down to Geisha Minah  
Then again incidentally  
If you're that way inclined

Perfume came naturally from Paris (naturally)  
For cars she couldn't care less  
Fastidious and precise

She's a Killer Queen  
Gunpowder, gelatine  
Dynamite with a laser beam  
Guaranteed to blow your mind  
Anytime

Drop of a hat she's as willing as  
Playful as a pussy cat  
Then momentarily out of action  
Temporarily out of gas  
To absolutely drive you wild, wild  
She's all out to get you

She's a Killer Queen  
Gunpowder, gelatine  
Dynamite with a laser beam  
Guaranteed to blow your mind  
Anytime

Recommended at the price  
Insatiable an appetite  
Wanna try?  
You wanna try

* * *

"HOLY HELL THAT WAS GOOD!"  
I cried the second she stopped singing.

The power of Saber's vocal cords was incredible. I was left with my jaw open by the time she reached the refrain.

"Really?"  
She asked putting on an expression I had never seen on her face.

Saber truly looked like a girl of my age, I kept forgetting about that. Her stern stare and composed attitude always made her look far older.

"Yeah, I can guarantee you blow my mind"  
I smiled, moving the mouse on another song.  
"Wanna go another round?"  
I asked since we had yet to lure the dragon out from his cave.

"...To be fair... I think you should go now...If I'm the only one that has to sing it's ... too embarassing"  
Commented Saber while a slight line of red dyed her cheeks.

Eventually I got in a momentary cardiac arrest, however even in my oxigen deprived state I managed to grab the microphone and set my song.

Now I have to reveal a tiny detail, through the years I experimented a lot of stuff with my reinforcing magecraft, from powering up objects to even empower my muscles...a thing that made them snap, but I'm digressing. As I was saying I tried to reinforce a lot of stuff, including my voice and actually that was the only great success of my magical career. With proper preparation, I could imitate any voice I wanted.

The only problem was that now if I sang with all my voice, my larynx independently enchanted my vocal cords, making me sound like...

-You have chosen "Think" By Aretha Frankling-

A big black woman.

* * *

Think (think) think (think) think (think) think (think)  
You think (think) think (think) think about it  
You better think (think) think about what you're trying to do to me  
Yeah, think (think, think), let your mind go, let yourself be free  
Let's go back, let's go back, let's go way on back when  
I didn't even know you, you couldn't have been too much more than ten  
I ain't no psychiatrist, I ain't no doctor with a degree  
It don't take too much high IQ's to see what you're doing to me  
You better think (think) think about what you're trying to do to me  
Yeah, think (think, think), let your mind go, let yourself be free  
Oh freedom (freedom), freedom (freedom), freedom, yeah freedom  
Freedom (freedom), freedom (freedom), freedom, oh freedom  
Hey, think about it  
You, think about it

" **Emiya for Chirst sake I'm workin-  
What the hell?"**

There ain't nothing you could ask I could answer you but I won't (I won't)  
I was gonna change, but I'm not, to keep doing things I don't  
Hey think about what you're trying to do to me  
Baby, think, let your mind go, let yourself be free  
People walking around everyday, playing games that they can score  
Trying to make other people lose their minds, be careful you don't lose yours  
Yeah think (think) think about what you're trying to do to me  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (think, think), let your mind go, let yourself be free

You need me (need me) and I need you (don't you know)  
Without eachother there ain't nothing people can do  
Yeah yeah, think about me (what you're trying to do to me)  
'Till the fall of the night, think about it right now  
Oh freedom (freedom), freedom (freedom), freedom, yeah freedom  
Freedom (freedom), freedom (freedom), freedom, freedom  
Hey, you, think about it  
There ain't nothing you could ask I could answer you but I won't (I won't)  
I was gonna change, but I'm not, if you keep doing things I don't  
Yeah (think) think about what you're trying to do to me  
Baby, think (think, think), let your mind go, let yourself be free  
You need me (need me) and I need you (don't you know)  
Without each other there ain't nothing people can do  
Yeah yeah, think about me (what you're trying to do to me)  
'Till the fall of the night, think about it baby  
(Think about - ah me, think about - ah me, think about - ah me, think about it)  
(Think about - ah me, think about - ah me, think about - ah me, think about it)  
(Think about - ah me, think about - ah me, think about - ah me, think about it)  
(Think about - ah me, think about - ah me, think about - ah me, think about it)  
You had better stop and think before you think  
Think!

* * *

As I started singing I lost my self in the words of the song and... since I had carefully avoided to let my full voice out since I noticed this mutation I felt quite refreshed. Starting to scream once in while was good for the heart.  
Saber and Hikigaya utterly terrified by my performance less.

"HOW!?"  
Cried the teen with his black eye and sane one wide open.

If I wasn't wrong I heard him coming at mid-song but I was far too absorbed by my performance to stop.  
"Oh! Hey Hikigaya, I couldn't hear you, do want to sing?"

"Hell no, I want you to shut up! I have to work!  
...And also understand how did you sound like...like that"

Good, I had hooked him up.

"Well I mean, Saber and I are currently bonding, to you know... increase the mutual trust, so we can be a more effective team. Right Saber?"  
I asked while the tiny sarcastic and evil part of my brain had full control of me.

"..Yes, we were getting to know better each other"  
She stuttered unsure of the mood.

"See it would be a problem to interrupt such an important event just to... give you time to prepare some kind of weapon drug or whatever, we are dealing with real issues right now Hikigaya-kun"  
I said as a malicious feeling was completely taking over me.  
"What can you offer to pay up for the bonding time we would lose"

I know I wanted to be a hero of justice, but it never came to me that playing the villain was easy and fun as hell.

"I offer that I won't break your nose here and now"  
He said with a grin.

"Do you want to try your luck when Saber is here"  
I counter attacked grinning myself.

"When did you get smart?"  
"I was always smart, just full of morals, but right now I'm discarding them to deal with you"  
"Ah, I'm almost proud, what do you want to shut up?"  
"How do you make a servant recover mana?"  
"I thought I told you to figure out a solution yourselves"  
"My solution is you, you handled the situation far too calmly ergo you know about a rapid way to solve the mana issue and were only waiting for a moment when revealing thay information would have worthed the most."  
"...And why should I agree with you"  
"ahah why?"  
I laughed taking out my smartphone.

"Because by doing so you will have your peace and quite and the whole world won't think you're gay"

Opening my class' chat-room I pressed the vocal message button and let a bit of drama flow out of my mouth.  
"Hikigaya what are you saying?"

" _You know what I'm saying, and I'm tired none else does"  
_ I said enchanting my voice to sound like the dead eyed teen.

"It can be you..."

" _Yes I like big fat co-"_

"STOP GOD PLEASE STOP IT'S CREEPY AS HELL FINE, FINE! I'l tell you"  
Cried Hikigaya moving his hands before I send the message.

" _Gland we are on the same page_ "  
I replied still using his voice.

"Gland you sound less stupid than usual at least. Also the solution is that the two of you have to bang"  
He grinned taking out the most heinous set of sharp teeth I ever seen.

"Pardon?"  
Asked Saber unable to elaborate the information.

"S. E. X. That's how you pass enough magic power without wasting command seals, eating souls or being a magus worthy of being called one"

"...Ara?"  
I grunted while my little evil act got vaporized in front of a real demon lord.

 _I wasn't expecting this kind of developement._

"I usually don't say it, but avoid protections!"  
He laughed limping out of the room.  
"Now be quiet I have to work"

"Oh dammit dammit DAMMIT"  
I thought while my plan was shattering into pieces.

I had lost the lead and the power to move Hikigaya where I wanted, but I still needed something.  
"WAIT!"  
I said grabbing his arm.

"Emiya I'm not giving you advice on how to copulat-"  
"Teach me how to fight"  
I asked, no begged him.

"What?"

"Teach me how to fight"  
"No"  
"Why?"  
"First my services don't come cheap, second, all the servants an masters you met thus far played with you, if you get stronger, they will be more serious and at that point, you won't stand a chance."  
"It wasn't my intention to defeat a servant if I can beat the Master it's more than enough"  
"Suuuuurrrrreeeee, you know I might have been stupid enough to believe something like that, but after you charged against an opponent you had no chance to defeat...twice. Nope"  
"That was different"  
"No it wasn't. Do you think power is something you obtain overnight? You think that just because you survived this long you won't die? Open your eyes Emiya, you've been only lucky, just thank God or whatever that you draw a powerful servant and met the right people at the right time"  
"I know"  
"THEN ACT OF CONSEGUENCE, STOP TO ACTIVELY TRY TO KILL YOURSELF AND TREASURE MORE THAT SHITTY LIFE OF YOURS"  
"WHAT WOULD BE THE FUCKING POINT!"  
"...Emiya..."  
"What would be the purpose of my life, if even after reaching this point I just keep being weak and useless, I've been saved by Kiritsugu, by Tohsaka, by you, by Saber, by the goddamn Archer AND I... and I will never repay a single debt... why..."  
 _"...Christ stupid ghost I know..._ Emiya Is this really about your debts?"

"Is this really about your debts?"  
"No..."  
"Then please say something genuine if you want to convince me. I 'm sure you want to repay who helped you, but I'll never believe that's really what drives you, so what's the little idiotic desire that pushed you to attack a servant without any plan or chance to win?"

"I want to be a hero"  
I said leaving behind shame or hesitation.

"It sounds stupid"  
Replied Hikigaya setting his dead stare on me.

"Does it matter?"  
I spoke while my voice remained unflexible.

"No... I guess it doesn't"  
Sighed the teen massaging his temples.  
"Wear something comfortable, we have 1 hour before your other love victim shows up. Let's see if are going to survive this war, Saber bring your ass too I'll need you."

"Are you going to train me?"  
I asked as my eyes shined with hope.

"ahaha no... I'm going to systematically tear you down, you'll have to lear on your own, plus you have to teach me the voice thingy and have to help me with several side projects."

"THANKS!"  
I jumped trying to hug my (... yes I guess he was a) friend.

Just to receive a soundly fist on my nose.  
 _*CRACK  
Holy shit it broke._

"Hold your horses you'll have to respect some rules"

* * *

 **Rule number 1.  
** I'm your God and what I dictate is law.  
 **Rule number 2.  
** You never move alone, in the instant you trepass the door of this house, Saber or I'll be besides you.  
 **Rule number 3.  
** Any complain about my methods and you're out.  
 **Rule number 4.  
** Cheap tricks and dirty moves are your life line, no honor bullshit with me please.  
 **Rule number 5.  
** DO NOT TRIGGER TOHSAKA OR MATOU. Any Rom-comish problem or tsundere, yandere crap and I'm out.  
 **Rule number 6.  
** If Shiro Emiya was to die like an idiot the ownership of Saber and remaining command seals pass on to me.  
 **Rule number 7.  
** Under no occasion I'll be forced to side with you in a servant fight, your battles are not mine.

"Do you accept?"  
Asked Hikigaya releasing an ominous aura.

Saber immediately tried to restrain me saying.  
"Shiro don't"  
But I had already made up my mind.  
"Can I trust you?"  
I asked tightening my hand into a fist.

"Not the way you'd like"

"Fine I accept your rules"

"Perfect"

"Great I'm in your care"  
I smiled stretching my hand.

"I wouldn't be so happy if I were you"  
He replied grinning too.

"Why?"

"First lesson: how to take a punch"

Hearing those words I felt confused.  
"What? I know how to take a punc-* _CRACK!"  
_ Another nasty blow hit my nose.  
 _WHY THE NOSE!?_

"No you clearly don't Shiro-kun. Saber put him back on his feet with your regenarative capabilities and my healing powers we can break him all the times I need ahahahah"

What the hell did I just do to my life.

* * *

 **Oddly enough another chapter is over... well nothing much to say, Shiro is having flashbacks about what happened in the great fire and I'm planning to give more weight about who he was before becoming well... Shiro Emiya. Hachiman remain sketchy helping Shiro but omitting a lot of information. Rin and Saber might be falling for the Shiro's charm, but no maybe it's more like he is crushing really hard on them.  
Thanks for having sat through all my autism and well see you when I see you.  
Next time Sakura POV (plus the nightmare otherwise I'm leaving Nijito's plotline waaaaaayyyy too behind) **


	15. The fearful

**The Fearful**

* * *

Wash your hands, brush your hair, clean your teeth, wash your hands, use the deodorant, wash your hands, apply a bit of makeup, wash your hands, wash your hands, you're so dirty wash your hands, _wash your hands, **wash your hands, WASH YOUR HANDS.**_

"Sakura"  
A voice suddenly called me.

"Oh! Rider you gave me a heart attack!"  
I said adding more soap to my hands.

I kept to rub them and rub them but no bubbles or foam came out. I stared at the water flowing in the sink, but instead of water, I could only see black mud coming out from there... It wasn't nothing unusual, my eyes playing games, it had happened forever, every once in awhile, I started hallucinating black mud coming out from somewhere. It wasn't a big deal I just had to rationalize what was happening and ignore it.

"Sakura the water is not flowing"  
Said Rider still maintaining her voice quiet.

"Oh dear how silly"  
I laughed opening the water.

Dammit, I let her see, rookie mistake!

"I must be excited to go out with sempai, he promised to cook anything I desire"  
I smiled letting the tiny drops of light inside me outshine the darkness for a moment.

At this point I wasn't lying I was truly excited, and that's what made my act believable. Nothing I did say false, really, I was a terrible liar, but I had become especially adept in the art of omitting the truth, giving out only partial information and then let my interlocutor trick himself. How can I say... people created an image of me in their heads and I didn't do anything to go against it. I was an actor for an audience of one person at the time.

To my knowledge, the only two people that ever got past my play were, Sempai, Fujimura-sensei and... Hikigaya-sempai actually I wasn't sure about the latter. I just knew that whenever I got close to him all my senses screamed to run as if I was close to my natural predator. In general, I saw him under a positive light and didn't pay too much attention to what my head said because in all honesty everything was quite screwed up there. But after he got away from Rider in a mysterious way, I was starting to believe my guts had a foundation.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come?"  
Rider asked.

Gosh, she was really a worried heart servant, I decided to ignore her for a moment while I gave one last check to my appearance.

 _Yup,_ I was hot AF, or whatever that meant, hair brushed, sweet expression under control, breast well displayed, and my new white dress; yeah I was perfect no slut would have tried to approach Sempai if I psychologically destroyed them just by asserting dominance with my presence.

"I'm sure, besides Hikigaya-sempai saw you and even if we don't understand what happened yesterday, we have confirmed he is pretty good at perceiving presences. It would be a problem if he detected you right when I'm close, plus brother might need you"  
I replied finishing to wear my shoes.

A faint tremble shocked my hand as I reached the doorknob of that house sied torture chamber. I always wanted to leave that place and never return... or go on rampage and level everything to the ground. But I guess dreams can't become true that easily or without dragging along other consequences.

"Now out the negativity"  
I thought, opening the tiny cage inside my heart.

"I'm going to stuff my belly and have a great time"

As I muttered that phrase, the memories I treasured the most popped out my chest pushing inside their cage all the hate I had inside me.

"See you Rider, don't let Brother in my room"  
I beamed a smile and turned towards my little corner of heaven.

I barely managed to walk a couple of meters before starting to run, and the funniest thing was that I barely even noticed, I wanted to see someone, I wanted to look at him with my eyes... even though no light reflected in them. Somehow they always showed what I caged inside would that be light... _or darkness._

* * *

In less than twenty minutes of running, I reached my corner of heaven and... it was trashed. Sempai's house was a Mess with the capital M.  
My first thought as I got through the open door was: "burglars" then I heard a groan outside and my mind shifted to "Sexually aggressive burglars" and eventually I moved onto "I NEED A GODDAMN KNIFE!"

An object that oddly enough I found soon after stuck in the ceiling of Sempai's kitchen. It was obviously too high to reach comfortably, however, the options were only two: seize that knife or use a kitchen one.

 _*Exhale  
_ I would have never, ever, dared to touch one of Sempai's kitchen tools, I had seen him angry ONCE and wasn't eager to see him in that condition ever again. Looking at a good-natured person like him go berserk was utterly terrifying so I gladly set for the black ominous dagger.

"1, 2, 3!"  
I jumped totally missing the handle.

Damn if only I had been a bit taller, or had higher heeled shoes... Nah they wouldn't be good for jumping... but still, I wanted a pair!

"Dammit Sakura focus"  
I told myself looking at the barely out of reach knife.

Ugh, I had chosen the worst day ever to go out without a bra. Yeah great move me, really nice, assert dominance! Destroy your chest. Geez, I was torn to shreds just to jump.

"Finally"  
I gasped catching my breath.

The black blade was finally in my hand, not sure how to hold it, I just grasped it firmly with both hands and stretched my arms forward. At least the blade remained straight.

The feeling in my hand was comfortable, familiar almost.

"I'm coming, Sempai"  
I muttered to build up my confidence more than anything else.

Walking slowly in the house I saw traces of blood everywhere and weird pieces of metal scattered all over the place. I could hear pained groans coming from outside. Slightly biting my tongue to remain focus, I followed the noises while all the walls around me turned into mud.

"Great I'm sure I needed this too"  
I thought kicking open the backyard door as people do in action movies.

I jumped outside ready for... ready for... I'm not exactly sure, the sexually aggressive bulgar thing had stopped making sense a while ago, but I was in character so I just went with the flow. In for a penny in for a pound, I guess.

Still what I found outside was beyond my imaginative power. The backyard looked like a military track filed and in the middle of it, there was...  
"Oh God is that a cannon?"  
All my attention was stolen by that enormous lump of metal.

Until.  
 _*CLING_

The tingling of a chain brought me back into the real world.

"Emiya, which part of: "Do a cartwheel as God demands" is not clear? Keep those legs straight"  
Cried Hikigaya-sempai whipping a chain in Sempai's direction.

"I'm trying!"  
"Try not, do or do not, there is no try"  
"I don't think it's the right time for a referenceeeeeeeeeeehhhh"  
The chain wrapped around Sempai's leg and before he could do anything he got thrown in my direction.

Sempai crushed in the ground rolling in the dirt and raising a cloud of dust until he reached my side.

"Oh hey, Sakura,"  
He coughed noticing my presence.  
"I expected you in thirty minutes, did you just arrive?"  
He was visibly embarrassed

It was almost amazing how he was trying to play it cool when he was all bruised, covered in dust and so sweaty I could see through his shirt... _ **damn, that was hot.  
**_

A part of my brain suddenly started to scream " _Take him here and now!"_... but that would have been problematic, to say the least, so in a pitiful act to convert my libido in embarrassment I started to fidget and asked.  
"S-Sempai what's happening?"

And I actually I wouldn't have minded an actual answer, because first I had zero clues of what was going on and second I still had to distract myself from my lower regions.

"I need a serious turn-off"  
I thought while cold sweat was forming on my back.

Luckily just by looking around a little, I managed to meet the dead and creepy stare of Hikigaya-sempai. _Sorry Hikigaya-sempai, I'm really sorry._ And sealed back my hormones.

"Yo Matou, Emiya wanted to know how Russian gymnasts train so I was helping him out." If he STOOD THE FUCK UP NOW!"

"Fine dammit!"  
Groaned Sempai forcing his body up.  
"Also he is lying, Fuyuki has gotten dangerous these days, he wanted me to know a few tricks"  
He grinned beaming his perfect white teeth before a crowbar hit his nape.  
"UGH!"

"Never said that. Never done that. Get back to work. Saber, bring me the tennis balls."  
Grunted Hikigaya-sempai using the same expression I'd use if I had just stepped on a bug.

Suddenly a beautiful blonde girl came out from the tool-shed with a basket full of tennis balls and a blue popsicle in her teeth. She was mesmerizing like a perfectly honed blade, her eyes were emerald, and she was wearing a brand new white blouse, a blue skirt, and black leggings. I had seen such a natural beauty only once before, I immediately knew she was like Rider... she was a servant... a thing that should have already been obvious by the moment she got called Saber, but that's a minor detail.  
What was a major detail instead were her hips! How could she have such fine hips!? I was proud of my hourglass figure, but any excessive fat always went straight to the hips! Dear if I wasn't careful about calories I wouldn't imagine what could happen. And for sure those thin well-shaped hips weren't legal! I mean this Saber girl was almost flat so my body fat was doing something useful, STILL judging from her legs she must have had a tight BUTT! a piece of incredibly terrible news considering Sempai... was an ASS person!

My grip on the knife started to tremble.

"Okay Emiya dodge everything ad remember the moves I showed you"  
Said Hikigaya-sempai grabbing the crowbar he previously threw like a baseball bat.

His legs looked a bit unsteady as if he was struggling to stay up.  
"Okay I'm going to add three balls every five seconds and you don't want to get hit"  
He sighed taking a couple of balls from the basket.

"Why? Should I worry?"  
Asked Sempai raising an eyebrow.  
"If you do everything I say. Nah. Otherwise... I'm going to have fun"  
"Oh, Jesus."

"Okay, 3,2,1 GO!"  
Screamed Hikigaya-sempai sending the first row of balls against Sempai.

With my eyes, I could barely follow the yellow lines as they bounded everywhere. Sempai, on the other hand, seemed to be able to, he evaded all the balls by a great margin dancing without effort in that yellow maze.

" _Right, left, down, jump"  
_ I muttered slowly getting used to the moving objects.

"Wait how come that those tennis balls still move so fast"  
I whispered as Hikigaya-sempai added more and more balls before even the first ones had slowed down one bit.

"Oh he made me fill them with Hydrogen"  
Said the blonde girl Saber, after having materialized at my side.

"AH!"  
I cried in surprise.

"Oh dear, I'm sorry, how rude of me, I didn't want to scare you"  
She replied politely slightly bowing.  
"No, no, it's not your fault, I'm usually the one that appears out of nowhere. Sorry, what did you said about the balls?"  
I asked after having calmed down.

"I filled them with a gas named Hydrogen"  
"Yeah, I know what Hydrogen is, I was more curious about how and why?"  
"I'm not sure. A delivery man showed up with a pretty big cylinder of gas, then Hachiman told me to fill with said gas the tennis balls, and that it would have been useful for Shiro"  
"You're on First-name basis!"  
"...yes"  
"I see...YOU CAN DO IT SHIRO-SEMPAI"  
I suddenly shouted for an imprecise reason.

Probably I felt jealous, but the whole sentence bubbled out of me so quickly I didn't really have time to think about it.  
Hearing my words Sempai, pretty much at his limit, blushed intensely getting almost hit by a ball in the face.

"AH?! Since when it was that easy to get a reaction?"  
I thought pretty astonished, usually, I had to be much bolder to make him that flustered.

 _(Maybe I should have realized that part of his blush was caused by intense physical activity, but still, I'm a maiden in love okay!?)_

"Sakura toss me the dagger!"  
Suddenly shouted Sempai staring at me with such intensity I started to feel warm inside.

"EH, Ehmp Yes!"  
I stuttered throwing him the weapon in a clumsy fashion.

Miraculously he managed to catch it, even though he was surrounded by a swam of tennis balls. Suddenly all his movements became sharper. If a couple of seconds ago he was barely holding up now Sempai had switched into a new gear.

"Yeah!"  
I smiled overjoyed by how cool he looked, jumping a little.

 _Did his eyes move on my giggling chest? Yes, nice Sakura!_

"WAH!"  
With one war cry and a long blackish arc, Sempai cut down three tennis balls.

That...exploded immediately after.  
 _*BOOM!_

Sempai got suddenly shot back slamming against other tennis balls, that exploded in a chain reaction, making him bounce around like the marble of a pinball machine.  
"AAAAHHHHHH!"  
He cried while Hikigaya-sempai started to laugh like a villain.  
"AHAHAHAHAHAHA I TOLD YOU JUST TO DODGE AHAHAHAHAH!

For a moment the level of craziness of what I was looking, made my mind go blanc. Was I really awake, wasn't this some kind of fucked up dream?

"I'm Saber by the way"  
Said the blond servant beside me a face shocked as much as mine.

"Sakura pleased to meet you"  
I shook her hand without breaking visual contact from the explosions in front of me.

"Want a popsicle?"  
She asked remaining focused on Sempai.

"Don't mind if I do...Mmmh Orange"  
 _*SLUUUURRRRPP._

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

"Ahi!"

"Sempai remain still"

After the torture, I mean training session, concluded Saber dragged a completely passed out Sempai in the living room, while Hikigaya-sempai limped inside using his crowbar as a cane.

A bit too focused on my popsicle I spent a couple of minutes to metabolize what just happened... then after I bit the wood stick, I accepted this wasn't some kind of delusion and went to fetch the first aid kit.

"Ouch!"

"And there it goes the last splinter"  
I said staring at Sempai's bruised face.

We were currently cross seated on the floor of the living disinfect all wounds, however, every cut appeared less serious than I originally thought. Sempai was still filled by plasters and bandages across his whole face, but when the explosion finished he looked much worse... it was like he had healed in a matter of minutes.

"Sempai what's on your arms?"  
I asked catching a glimpse of several long scars, he didn't have yesterday... they looked almost like words.

With a defensive motion, he tugged his forearms away from me.  
"It's nothing"  
He replied using a smile I was used to performing.

The "I don't want to bother you" smile. I had never seen that expression on him... he never tried to hide this kind of stuff for me... and for a second... I- I trembled.  
It felt weird, sad, vexing and I actually thought the Sempai I loved dearly was slipping away from me.

All bruised and bandaged he looked a bit like a thug of some manga, but his golden eyes remained as kind as usual.  
"... I mean it isn't nothing, but, I'll figure out what to do on my own... Thanks for worrying Sakura"  
Thank God he wasn't changing, or at least not so fast.

"Don't worry, I'm always here when you need me"

Okay, it was really corny, but it was true, Semapi always trying to hold the world in his hands, he could have used some help...or at least asked it.

"Oh, how cute now kiss"  
Groaned Hikigaya-sempai drawing a stickman on the black-board.

"Ah ah ah. Very funny Hikicreepygaya"  
Scoffed Sempai blowing away from his forehead some hairs.

"Yeah I'm a true comedian, but Matou-chan didn't seem against the idea"  
He replied with a smug.

"Hi-Hikigaya-sempai what are you saying?"  
I stuttered caught aback by his proactivity.

Hikigaya-sempai had probably realized my love for Sempai quickly but had assumed an uninterest/bashful attitude about it. He probably just found pitiful my attempts to get Sempai's attention and painful the unawareness of Shiro.  
But somehow something was different today.

"Hachiman please don't joke about a maiden's heart"  
Said Saber with a serious voice.

Unfortunately, her cheeks were filled by popsicles so her expression wasn't very believable...  
"Cute actually, like a squirrel"  
I thought while letting out an amused sigh.

"You mean Matou's or yours?"  
Hikigaya-sempai asked with an expression of false innocence.

 _OH, so that was his game._

Saber got rapidly flustered and almost chocked on her popsicles while I closed my fist until the knuckles got white.

"Would you please stop teasing them"  
Asked Sempai sighing deeply.

"Hey, I already have to be the useless male character in a harem story, let me have my fun..."  
Hikigaya puffed his cheeks.

It was a pretty disgusting sight, if he was trying to appear cute it wasn't working.

"CHANGING TOPIC! Shall we have lunch!"  
I said before the conversation made me snap.

Was the Saber servant crushing on my MAN!? I truly hoped not... for her SAKE! No that's not true she was cute and seemed kind I didn't want her as a challenger...  
"MOU WHY EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS A MESS IN MY LIFE"  
I mentally shouted launching my head back.

Sadly I exaggerated with the emphasis on my movement and lost my balance. My back fell down like a sinking ship. Fortunately, before I shamefully hit the floor Sempai blocked my fall with his chest and my head ended up in his lap.  
"...Hi"  
I smiled while all my blood rushed to my face.

WHY WAS I ALWAYS THIS CLUMSY.

To hide my face I moved my hands up, it was childish... but if I couldn't see him he couldn't see me.

"Sakura-san"  
Said Sempai knocking on my hands.  
"Please. Open. Up"

Oh God, he was even going on rhythm.

"No, Sakura-san is not at home"

What the fuck was I saying!

"Then who's inside?"  
He asked, definitely making fun of me.

Damn half of my bodily blood flowed in my face only.

"Nobody"  
I muttered unable to do anything else.

"Hello Ulysses-san"

AH! Unfair retort! I thought I was going to buy more time with the nobody thing! I needed a diversion something to escape the embarrassment.

Oddly enough my desire was granted.

"CAN YOU PLEASE STOP THIS DIABETIC SCENE! I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO IGNORE MY LACK OF A GIRLFRIEND FOR ONE GODDAMN MINUTE!"

Thanks, Hikigaya-sempai.

* * *

"So... who's up for some junk food?"  
Asked, my unlikely savior after gulping down half-dozen of pills like they were candies.

Was he okay? I saw him limp today but, I couldn't understand how serious was the situation, he looked horrible at first sight, but that was his usual look, so it was impossible to know if he was sick or something.

"Hell no, stop proposing unhealthy ideas"  
Rebooked Sempai.

"Come on with all the shit that happened yesterday I didn't get my fried recharge, plus Saber told me you two got a burger this morning. Heavy snacks outside meals... not so healthy Emiya."

"First don't be a child, and second I don't see why I should replicate."

"BECAUSE I'M ASKING GENTLY INSTEAD OF BEATING YOUR ASS UNCONSCIOUS AND DRAGGING TO THE CLOSER MC"

"YOU CAN BARELY WALK DON'T OVERSTRAIN YOURSELF"

"THANKS, I APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN, BUT I APPRECIATE EVEN MORE A THOUSAND NUGGETS"

"THEN WHY DON'T WE LET THE GIRLS DECIDE?!"

"FINE BY ME!"

Concluding their particularly intense discussion Hikigaya-sempai and Sempai turned to watch Saber and me. Their eyes were burning through us. We exchanged glares in a confused fashion before answering as we desired.

"I wouldn't mind trying those fried treats"  
"I'd prefer cooking something here and maybe heading outside just for an ice-cream or another dessert.

We had reached an impasse...

And for a moment my sempais exchanged glares trying to figure out what to do.  
" _Who-wants-to-go-out-says-what"  
"Who-wants-to-stay-here-says-what"  
_

"What?"  
"What?"

"Fuck"  
"Fuck"

And then it occurred to me... they were dumb people. Watched alone both Hikigaya-sempai and Sempai looked like serious people but put together... They just brought out the ignorance from each other.

"Why don't we settle it with a game then?"  
Sighed Sempai passing a hand through his ginger hair.

"Sempai... except chess you're terrible at games"  
I muttered taken aback by his proposal.

He was shooting himself in the foot with this idea, and I couldn't help but wonder what was he thinking until he smiled at me and said.  
"Don't worry it's going to be okay"

God, he was so cute when he was up to something.

* * *

Two minutes later the four of us were seated in a circle with a bunch of cards in our hands.  
"Everybody knows how to play the old maid, the first couple that wins decide where to go"  
Said Sempai sat right in front of me.

"Okay, I just hope you'll lose quickly I'm hungry"  
Proclaimed Hikigaya-sempai on my left assuming his poker face.

No emotions could be seen through his expression, he seemed more like a piece of stone than a person.

"So does who start?"  
Asked Saber barely moving her mouth.

Wow, she was pretty serious, using a stoic front like that.

"I'd say Sakura starts and then we go counter-clockwise"  
Said sempai in a relaxed fashion.

"Okay, 3, 2, 1. Go Matou!"

Following Hikigaya-sempai's order, I immediately raised my hand and moved it upon his cards. My violet eyes chained in his gray ones trying to grasp any kind of emotion, however, nothing. His face didn't betray a single feeling...except for a tiny flash of pain immediately after I stared at him, but I guessed it was unrelated to the game.

When I had almost decided to just choose a random card, I saw with the tail of the eye Sempai pocking his forehead. I raised my stare a little and found a funny thing: Hikigaya-sempai's ahoge.

That weird straight hair-lock above his head was...moving. I didn't know how, I didn't know why, but it was moving like the tail of a dog and every time my hand passed upon a certain it would raise up.

Out of curiosity, I picked up said card and as I suspected it was the old maid.

"This game is going to be more amusing than I thought"  
I said to myself turning towards Saber as I realized she had a living ahoge too.

It took me a few turns of studying but soon enough I managed to understand how to push Saber in the direction I wanted and read through Hikigaya-sempai.

I was the first to win, followed by a pretty upset Saber. It was hilarious how her serious facade had begun to crumble the moment Sempai methodically avoided the old maid she was holding. She just won because Sempai couldn't deal with her pout anymore.  
Leaving the final showdown just between the two boys.

"It's you and me Emiya, do you think you're going to win, or it will end up like you theatrical improv?"  
"I thought we had agreed it never happened"  
"...Oh right"  
"Also, I win"  
Grinned Sempai discarding his last two cards.

Hikigaya-sempai's eyes went up and down for a couple of times, then he threw away the last card he had and whispered.  
"I hate you"

"You're welcome!"

"Wait what? It doesn't make sens-"

"SAKURA let's get to cook! I feel creative!"

And as Sempai said so I got dragged in the kitchen. _He was touching me kyaaaaaaaaaaa._

* * *

Funny thing... I had not noticed before, but the kitchen, the most sacred room of this house was a mess.

My body was shivering. Sempai was standing still and I knew it was a matter of seconds before he grabbed the first sharp object and turned into a murder machine.

I could see it in his golden eyes, the flames of war were about to lit.  
"Hmmm we should clean up first"

" _Kyaaaa nooo._ Oh, you're actually acting reasonably"  
I gasped surprised by his odd calm.

"What's that supposed to mean"  
"Nothing Sempai... I expected you to me more... angry? I guess"  
"No, no, I already steamed out after punching Hikigaya in the face"  
"That's why he had a black eye!"  
"We had a... ehm **manly** disagreement"

Did his voice just got deeper when he said "manly"?

"What kind of disagreement?"  
I asked pushing my chest up a little.

"Uh-ah"  
Sempai began to fidget.  
"A very manly one"

Really? That's how far your creativity goes Sempai?

"Boobs vs Ass, Matou! Men of culture have to discuss like men of culture. And I wasn't to let this man insult the holiness of ASS!"  
Screamed Hikigaya-sempai with his off-putting voice.

Suddenly I felt my face being set aflame, how could someone scream those words loud!? I immediately lowered my stare and muttered something along the lines of "Oh I see", but then it struck me... Sempai was an ass person.  
They were hiding something!

"No shit girl, there is a servant in this house, Shiro is a Master and Hikigaya-sempai encountered Rider so he knows about the war at this point. The only answer is that they got into a fight."  
I told myself helping Sempai to throw in the can trash a bunch rags dirty of blood.

Were they even trying to hide what happened at this point? The Boobs vs Ass excuse wasn't enough to justify this much destruction. Ah, I didn't want to think about this stuff! I just wanted to stay with Sempai a little.

I forced myself to cast away negative thoughts and focused only on the simple actions of cutting the vegetables, heating up the oven, setting the table and nothing more.

Manual work kept my mind off from anything else and probably that was one of the major reasons I enjoyed cooking with Sempai so much. We got transported in a world that existed only for us free from worries.

"Then when I'm so close I can see his abs under the shirt and that's indeed a plus"  
I thought before an explosion resounded in the house.

 _BOOOOMMM_

 _"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!"  
_ I yelped jumping.  
"Ignore it, is probably just Hikigaya"

 _"I'm fine! Saber grab a mop, please"  
_

"See, told you"  
Replied Sempai without even flinching.

...Was this a common occurrence nowadays!

"Sempai... can you please add details what's Hikigaya-sempai doing?"  
I asked throwing suspicious stares around.

"I'm not sure, maybe he is working on the cannon outside"

WHY WAS HE SO CALM, I mean He looked cool, but THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

"And you don't find it weird! No more importantly the thing outside is seriously a cannon I believed you had just thrown out all the garbage out from the shed!?"  
I gasped as too much information had started to fill my head.

"I mean usually yes, I'd find it weird, but in the Hikigaya weirdness scale it's a 6 or a 5 out of 10, And please there was never garbage in my shed... just nonutilized materials."

"That came out form the garbage"

"Always ready to put the point on the i"  
Smiled Sempai putting a bit of flour on my nose with his finger.

Needless to say, I immediately blushed and started to softly punch him. I wasn't sure what was I trying to achieve exactly, probably, I wanted to show my adorable side because I was intimidated by Saber's presence.

Even though a part of me suggested a bolder approach... namely "Stick your tongue in his throat and see what happens" Unfortunately while cooking I had tried all sorts of ingredients, so I was pretty conscious of my breath.

"If only I could brush my teeth real quick"  
I whispered catching the dreamy sight of a fully concentrated Shiro Emiya.

I loved that stare...

"AHHH! DAMN THIS ISN'T THE TIME TO GET WORKED UP OVER NOTHING IT WAS TIME FOR A POWER MOVE!"  
I mentally screamed unable to metabolize the idea someone was trying to steal my MAN!

There was no choice I had to use the **plan**.

* * *

"Finally get Sempai"  
Plan activation.

 _Step one strategic retreat._

"Sempai, I'll leave you for a moment, I need the bathroom"

 _Step two oral sanitization._

Coming out from the kitchen I quickly moved towards the bathroom, I was tense, my heath was beating like crazy plus the weird sounds coming from outside weren't exactly helping eighter. What was Hikigaya-sempai doing by the way?

"MORE HEAT SABER USE THIS FORGE AS IT WAS MEANT TO BE USED!"

"Nope, nope, nope, not my business, not now nor ever"  
I told myself searching for a secret case I hid in Sempai's bathroom just in case.

It was a tiny black duty case I had found in a second-hand shop, it was a bit old and too tiny to be actually useful, but it fit a toothbrush and a condom perfectly.

What? Too straightforward? Nah when the moment arrived, and believe me it WILL ARRIVE, I wasn't going to do the bases detour. It was a home run or nothing.

"But today I'll need just the toothbrush."  
I whispered while washing my hands.

 _Step three suppression of any interference._

If my life had taught me something was that my luck was terrible, so I needed to be ready in case an unexpected factor showed up.

First I rigorously cleaned my face from the toothpaste, to avoid any bullshit scene as it had happened a couple of days ago, Sempai that got closer to my face just to clean me with a napkin. No sir I wasn't going to be clean-zonated another goddamn time.  
Second I grabbed a brush ready to stun the first person that arrived out of nowhere. Currently, there were two possible targets, Hikigaya-sempai and Saber, they were both outside, but there was no telling about when they'd decide to come back inside. So being as sneaky as I could, I locked the door of the backyard while catching the sight of Saber and Hikigaya-sempai hammering a red hot piece of metal.

It was one of the weirdest visions I ever witnessed, they were both wearing sunglasses and their expression remained emotionless as they hit the metal following the rhythm of some English song.

"Okay..."  
I muttered moving away, it was too much stuff to metabolize at once.

Fine, I was ready 10 meters from the objective, I didn't care about the consequences at this point, I had an objective and I wasn't going to back down, I still had my brush in case Fujimura-sensei had arrived to steal lunch, none was going to stop me now.

9 meters.

8 meters.

* _Squuen_  
The frontal door began to open.

"Fucking called it!"  
I mentally screamed.

"Hey I'm coming in"

"SURYAAAAAA!"  
Using all my strength I threw the brush towards the door... ignoring a detail.

It wasn't Fujimura-sensei's voice that I heard.

"Uhm?"  
Grunted a tall tanned man blocking with one hand the brush.  
"That was dangerous"

"Oh my God! I'm sorry are you okay?"  
I asked rushing towards the stranger.

Damn! What was I thinking?! I couldn't just start throwing stuff at innocent people just because Sempai was dense.

"Oh dear, oh dear I'm so sorry"  
I said bowing a dozen times.

Why I always passed from docile to commando without in-between. Thinking twice this whole plan was a terrible idea! Just one kiss would have sent my urges out of control, AHHH I was DUMB!

"Sorry REEEEAAALLLY sorry sir"

"No, no problem Sa- young lady no harm was done"  
Said the stranger putting a hand on my shoulder.

His grip was firm but soft, and it felt almost... familiar. I rose my stare to look his face and, wow, just wow he was handsome, like a movie star, his hair was silver and from the simple white shirt and black jacket, he was wearing I could grasp a steaming hot physique.

I'd say I lost my breath looking at him, but that wouldn't be true I directly choked on my saliva.  
"UGHR"

"Oh God, what's happening?"  
The stranger Asked while I began couching and searching for air.

And in the midtime Sempai arrived... yeah  
"Archer is that you?"

 _ARCHER!?  
_

I choked again.

"What the hell did you do?"  
Cried Sempai dashing at my side.

"Nothing, I don't know. Ahh! She is choking!"

"I can see that! Bring me a glass of water! And ugh I don't know"

"Do the Heimlich maneuver!"

"I don't know how it's done!"

"Neither do I"

"Gosh these two are panicking more than me"  
I thought, looking at the two guys arguing beside me.

Still, if this had been a real emergency? Would have I died? Seeing their horrible teamwork probably yes.

"Mouth to mouth"  
Proposed Archer the moment I had collapsed on the floor.

At this point, I had only continued to cough to see at which point they would have arrived, but after Archer's idea, I choked for the third time.

Mouth to mouth? All this time and I just needed to choke?

"Isn't that a bit?"  
Fidgeted Sempai... seriously? I was dying here you know?

"Shiro Emiya or you do it or I'm doing it"

"Get out you pedo, I'm doing it"

 _Yes!_

"What the fuck is going on here!"  
Hikigaya-sempai arrived too.

 _NO!_

How did he get inside?

"Ah one thing Emiya, Saber broke the hammer and a part broke a window"

Oh...

"So what's happening?"  
He asked moving closer to Archer and Sempai.

"Sakura is choking!"  
"Sakura is choking!"  
They both snapped pointing at me.

"God you two are useless"  
He said kneeling beside me.

No, he was getting closer, no, no, no.

* _Slap, slap.  
_ "Get a grip woman!"

Eventually, I stopped coughing.

* * *

"You're unbelievable"  
Sighed Sempai offering me some home-made cookies.

"At least I was useful"  
Replied Hikigaya-sempai moving closer to me the straw of a cool drink.

"Why am I stuck into this situation too?"  
Asked Archer massaging my feet.

"Because the original fault was yours!"  
"Because the original fault was yours!"

Confused? Yeah me too.

After I got slapped back in the world of the living by Hikigaya-sempai, Sempai made of his personal mission to pamper me for what happened and recruited Archer and Hikigaya-sempai.

Before I knew what was going on I ended up on the sofa getting spoiled by three muscular guys. Not my fetish but definitely something quite... interesting.

"God Archer had strong hands"  
I thought has pleasing pressures spread across my feet.

"Also why are you here Chocolate?"  
Asked Hikigaya definitely the most annoyed of the bunch.

"Stop calling me that! Creep"  
Groaned the servant.

"Why? Is that much of a problem, Chocolate?"

"Vanilla please I'm talking with Creep here"

"HEY ICE-CREAM DUO! I claim author rights stop stealing my ideas"

"Sure... To answerer your question, Rin lost a jewel here she sent me to retrieve it"  
Explained Archer stopping to massage me.

 _"Nee-san?"  
_ I thought freezing up.

Responding to my uneasiness a wave of mud appeared and filled my eyes, the voices of those around me got confused and almost inaudible. I saw images of a far past, light-hearted days, happy moments.

A soft voice spoke.  
"Sakura come to play"

Nee-san.

"This is a special ribbon, I made just for you"

Nee-san.

Why did you abandon me?

...

...

"No reason, truly"  
Said a voice I didn't recognize.

What who was talking?

"Ah, I'm just a nobody, I've been at your side for quite a while though"  
He said.

Yes, he, he was a man and... I had met him? No that wasn't right, It was almost like the cold feeling I felt from his voice was something I got used to.  
A shadow that had followed me for years now.

"Who are you?"  
Flashes of the Makiri family crypt ran across my mind as I questioned the man of darkness.

"Didn't I already answered this question child? I'm just a nobody, but to return to your previous doubt, why you got abandoned, well there is no reason. Your sister never thought you'd be tortured like that and so she never questioned your well-being, which is even sadder in my opinion. You simply weren't worthy of her attention, not then not now. Look at yourself you're not even a proper Magus, why would she try to approach you, even as a Master you remain nothing more than a shadow."

"...shut up"

"What? I couldn't hear you, and that's weird because we're in your head so you're willingly deciding to not be heard. Pathetic don't you think so"

"SILENCE!"

"We're making progress, good. Have a cookie"  
Said the voice while the taste of cookies filled my mouth.

How?

"You were eating cookies dah? I just switched on your sense of taste again"

"What do you want from me?"

"From you? Mmhh nothing actually, but you're going to need me soon. I just found the occasion today to come and greet you, usually, my connection with you is too weak, but a certain friend of mine is close to you so I actually managed to manifest. Bye-bye"

* * *

"STOP!"

"What too hard on the feet?"  
Asked Archer as I came back from my trance.

"...no, I mean Yes! It was definitely what was I talking about"  
I replied almost dying from embarrassment.

How did I end up in this situation! There was no way the situation could sink any lower.

"Shiroooo I'm joining for lunch!"

 _Of fucking course_ Fujimura-sensei.

How was anyone in the world going to explain what was happening to that over joyful teacher? The house was still trashed and for what I knew Saber materialized just yesterday... plus there was a tall tanned man massaging my feet... ehm no. He had frozen into place.

"Archer-san snap out of it"  
I whispered trying to free one foot from his grip.

UHHHH, I could hear Fujimura-sensei getting closer.

"Fuji-nee?"  
"Good morning Shiro! Why are you on the floor?"

Right. Now that I thought about it since I woke up none of my sempais was in the room.

"We're searching for a potential bomb Fujimura-sensei"  
"Uh! Hello to you too Hikigaya, didn't see you under the table... WAIT BOMB!? NO EVEN MORE IMPORTANT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE!"  
"Slap, punch, punch, lack of sleep"  
"Did you two got into a fight?"

"Yes"  
"No"

"Shiro don't lie to me"

"Yes we got into a fight, sorry"  
"And what kind of fight exactly"  
"Ehm...Fuji-nee ehm... Boos vs Ass"  
"WHAT?!"  
"Bo-"  
"I heard it's just that, that... I had the doubt you two were gay"

"WHAT?"  
"WHAT?"  
"WHAT?"  
Cried at the same time Sempai, Hikigaya and I.

"Oh Sakura-chan is here"

OH GOD, SHE WAS COMING IN! With one last pull, I managed to free my feet and make myself presentable before the sliding door opened and the lively woman arrived.

"SA-KU-RA-CHAN HOW ARE YOUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuu... ah Sakura-chan... who's that yummy, EHM attractive fella behind you"

 _Yummy?_

 _"_ Shiro, what's happening?"  
And now even Saber was present. Horray!

I got a headache only thinking about what could happen next.

"And now who are you? SHIRO AN EXPLANATION PLEASE!"

Today was going to be very tiring.

* * *

Have you ever desired a magical blackboard that appeared as soon as you needed it? Yeah me neither, but somehow Sempai had one, an entire blackboard hid under the tatami of the dining room, that just popped out the moment he stomped in a specific place.

There were a bunch of random sentences written on it.  
Shiro-fucking-Emiya-the-king-of-chess. Hachiman's rules. Dumb who reads. And others I'm less comfortable narrating along with a dozen of tic-tac-toe grids and the victory-loss chart of the chess matches between Hikigaya-sempai and Sempai.

"Ehm, Fuji-nee you see."  
Began Sempai canceling everything on the blackboard.  
"Saber is an old friend of Kiritsugu from... Europe. She arrived here planning to meet him, but she didn't know he had passed away"

"Oh dear was he seriously sketching his explanation"  
I thought, watching my crush draw surprisingly cute figures.

I seriously wondered how was his school diary, did he draw cute faces there too?

"So Emiya offered her to stay here since she counted on Emiya's old man's hospitality for her permanence in japan. Chocolate... I mean Archer is in a similar situation he arrived in Fuyuki to meet Rin Tohsaka's father, but just found her"  
Continued Hikigaya-sempai adding on the blackboard plain words.

He was no fun.

"And the reason he is here is that... Tohsaka, being Hikigaya's classmate yesterday helped him review..ehm"  
"MATH, I suck at math"  
"But forgot a..."  
"Pen and sent Archer to retrieve it while he was out for errands"

I couldn't tell if it was weirder that they concluded each other's sentences, that they thought to bring out a blackboard to explain their excuse was a good idea or the initial situation itself. I mean as far as I knew both Sempai's father and my former one had died more than five years ago. You want me to believe that with today's technology you couldn't just search on Facebook for "Emiya" and "Tohsaka" in Fuyuki? In twenty minutes they could have found Sempai's and Tohsaka-sempai's profiles send a couple of messages and reached the truth.

There was no way Fujumura-sensei was going to just accept this situation without asking for a kendo match of something as stupid as that.

"So... Archer from which part of Europe do you come exactly?"

Aaaannnnddd she was distracted by Archer's abs... wonderful. God the tanned servant looked uncomfortable on so many levels, while Sempai was spasmodically searching for any throwable object.

I was half tempted to point out he could throw the blackboard, but Hikigaya-sempai stared at me and spelled without emitting any sound.  
"Do. Not. You. Dare. Matou. I. Am. Having. Too. Much. Fun"

I could see in his death eyes a malicious light that went beyond fun, he was one step away from bursting out laughing.

"Archer, here is the damn... the pen you can go now"  
Grunted Sempai grasping the first pen he found in the house.

The whole atmosphere was getting very tense, I could feel it in my bones, I forced a smile trying my best to remain calm, but not everybody could read the mood like me, Saber was just moving her eyes back and forth between Archer and Sempai, Fujimura-sensei was blissfully ignoring everything going on while Hikigaya-sempai pretended to have a microphone in his hands and whispered.  
 _"When a wild Emiya finds out that his puppy is getting seduced by another specimen, he starts to glare daggers at the foreign individual and will soon try to get back his puppy asserting dominance"_

"Now that I think about it the lunch should be ready in.. NOW! Better take a seat and Archer you can go home now!"

 _"Oh-oh, using food. The wild Emiya tries to restore balance reminding the puppy who brings her nutrition. What do you think of this strategy Matous-san"_

Why was I getting involved?

 _"This approach is definitely a common feature for the Emiya"  
_ Oh God, I was playing along without even wanting too.

"Oh RIGHT Lunch, Archer-san would you like to join us?"

 _"Still it doesn't seem enough to distract the puppy, as you can see Hikigaya-san she desires another kind of meal"_

 _"Unfortunately the meal doesn't want to be eaten apparently"  
_ Replied the co-conductor of my National Geographic show.

And he was right Archer was sweating bullets from his forehead as if his brain was overheating.  
"Ehm, eh, I should really go now, I got the pen and..."  
The servant stuttered trying to escape.  
He was definitely far too uncomfortable to say anything plausible.

However, a Hikigaya-sempai came to help.  
"Yeah Fujimura-sensei it's rude to force decisions on a person you just met, plus didn't you have to meet Bret tonight"

"WHAT AGAIN!?"  
"WHAT AGAIN!?"  
"WHAT AGAIN!?"

Correction he came just to mess with me, Sempai and, oddly enough... Archer.

* * *

But to explain better what's going on a prior question has to be answered. Who is Bret?

Bret, or Kazuma Naghisa for the law, was the grandson of a yakuza allied with Raiga Fujimura, Fujimura-sensei's grandfather. Naghisa-san is, without doubt, an asshole or as Sempai calls him, a motherfucker with no redeeming quality that came out from an American movie from the '80s where he played the bully. He is dubbed Bret for this reason.

As far as I knew Bret and Fujimura-sensei had been a thing for a year or so during high-school before breaking up. Still, a few years ago Bret tried to reconnect to Fujimura-sensei under his grandfather's request, Sensei didn't fall for it, but as he continued with his advances and she grew older and more desperate her defenses broke down.

* * *

"Please tell me it's not true..."  
Sighed Sempai.

"Haven't you learned the lesson!"  
I smashed my face in my palms.

 _"So it was today, five years of tears and Haagen Daz, started today"  
_ And Archer was...crying?

We were astonished, Bret really! Anyone would be better than him!

"Hikigaya you had to keep the secret!"  
Cried, Fujimura-sensei blushing a lot.

"Had I?"  
Grinned Hikigaya-sempai while Saber tugged his shirt to know what was going on.

Through all the cringe I was feeling everything around me had stopped being important, I was in my own personal bubble as everyone spoke, however, I managed to understand one precise sentence.

"...Shiro Emiya, after all, I think I will remain for lunch."

* * *

Five minutes later, we all sat down at the table and the situation was kind of stable. Everybody was just eating exchanging small talks and helping themselves with seconds. I expected the situation to go south at any moment but subverting all my expectations it was really peaceful.

Sempai had buried the hatchet with Archer as an enemy more worthy of his ire had been mentioned, he even let the servant use the kitchen to cook some extra chicken rice to feed the unexpected guests.  
And I swear I heard Archer whisper.  
"I'm back guys"  
Before starting to cook.

"So Saber-san which was your relationship with Kiritsugu"  
Asked Fujimura-sensei between a bite and another.

"We competed in a ruthless tournament together"

"Oh..."  
Gasped Fujimura-sensei while Archer raised an eyebrow and my two Sempai exchanged confused glares.  
They were probably thinking something along the lines of "Is that your idea?"

"What kind of tournament specifically?"

"... A motorcycle tournament... with rules similar to rally racing. I was the pilot he was the navigator."

"You can drive a motorcycle!"

"Yes and not to brag, but I'm quite skilled"

"You don't say? Wait how old are-"

"HHHEYYYY"  
Cried Hikigaya-sempai stopping a troublesome conversation.  
"What kind of guy was Emiya's dad?"

For a second the air of the room froze down, Kiritsugu Emiya had always been a delicate topic, or at least I had never dared to ask much about him. Fujimura-sensei immediately lost her childish glee and threw a stare to Sempai who had stopped eating.

"Well... in many ways he was like you"  
He began dropping his chop-sticks while looking towards an undefined direction.  
"He smiled rarely, it was difficult to see what was going on in his head, and under many aspects, he was a failure as a human being, for real if he had to live alone only God knows what mess his place would be"

"Gee thanks man"

"But he was very kind, determined and tried his best to better the world."

"...Oh"

"That's, of course, the part in which you two differ"

"I hate you Emiya"

"It's cute you think you can hate me"  
Grinned Sempai while a blood vessel popped on Hikigaya-sempai forehead.

Containing his anger he stretched his hand towards the tanned servant and said.  
"Archer pass me anything I can smash on his dumb head!"

"Not the face! Please avoid the face, don't hurt my Sempai's face."  
I mentally screamed while Archer was handing Hikigaya an empty frying pan.

"Archer, please do not give this blunt object to that man"  
Asked Saber blocking Archer's arm.

"You know a hit or two could help to put his head back into place"  
Retorted the servant.

"Screw you, Archer... Saber stop considering _please_ "  
Begged Sempai feeling a slight shadow of doubt on Saber's face.

I mean Archer wasn't exactly wrong in this room, I couldn't find a single normal person, but I wasn't sure a heroic spirit that exists outside time was the best individual to talk about someone's sanity.

I had lived with Medusa for a while now and as much as I loved her she was pretty weird like she had serious issues about her height, she believed she was too tall and sure for the Japanese average, 172 cm wasn't that much, Hikigaya-sempai was probably taller than her if he didn't keep his back bent... and she stopped wearing heels.  
Dammit, girl wear low shoes if you're so bothered! But then she didn't like my Vans, and I desire to understand how she decided that when she only saw things through mana.  
And the cats, God the cats she loved them, but they hated her and then she gets depressed and I have to pamper her... I'm not complaining she is adorable after her cool image gets torn down. Still switching side from cool and emotionless to crybaby that needs a big sister is not normal... definitely something worth consulting a psychiatrist... not that I'm the one that can talk. But I do recognize craziness when I see it.

"Ah too slow, now say it again you red-haired PUNK!"  
Cried Hikigaya diving above the table and snitching the pan from the two servants.

He rolled beside me gripped the pan with both hands and started to chase Sempai that had started to escape.

It felt almost like a Tom and Jerry episode and I was worried Fujimura-sensei would get mad, but then I saw her laugh. She stared at my face, moved closer and whispered.  
"Is it just me or it's been a while since Shiro was so happy"

Out of reflex, I turned to look at my Sempai's face and... she was right, I couldn't remember how long has it been since I saw him smile so brightly, he felt more alive than usual.

"Matou stop him!"  
Cried Hikigaya after the fifth lap of the room.

"Why?"

"I strip him of one indument for every strike you help me to land!"

If he put it in that way. With one serpentine movement, I extended my leg in the middle of Sempai's way.  
"annnd trip"

He immediately tumbled on the floor, no tumbled wasn't correct he exploded on the floor, the way Sempai tripped was so theatrical it seemed a show of the Circ du Solei.

He barely got time to register what happened before Hikigaya-sempai jumped on him and lowered the pan.

* _SBAM_  
A terrifying sound came from Sempai's skull.

"And that's one, have a t-shirt Matou"  
Grinned Hikigaya-sempai and with my surprise, he was much more adept in the art of stripping people than I imagined.

One single movement... Oh God was this something usualllll... abs abs abs abs rippling abs. My mind momentary shut down while Archer giggled and Saber swallowed feeling uneasy.

"I hope this will serve as a lesson for everyone, never ever provoke me!"  
Grunted the dark-haired teen.

He started to move away from Sempai, but he couldn't make more than 3 steps before his legs froze and he fell on the floor.  
"And there it goes my good leg"

"Hachiman are you okay?"  
Asked Saber.

"...I will let you think about it by yourself. Does the moveless guy on the floor that just said -And there goes my good leg- sound okay to you?"

"Oh, I know the answer! It's no, but hey you're still better than after I finish with you"  
Said Sempai struggling to get on his own feet.

"Emiya... what do you want to do? Put down that marker put down that AAAAAHHHHHHHHH"

"Should we stop them"  
I asked Fujimura-sensei looking at Sempai's tattooing session.

"Nah, Saber-san is already going to divide them... ah no, she got convinced to draw on Hikigaya too. Ehm just let them be, for now, boys will be boys am I right?"

"You have no idea how to stop them"

"Damn straight I have never seen Shiro in this mood, I have zero clue on how to stop him, I'd ask you to try, but I wouldn't dare to interrupt your topless staring moment"

"Good call, I mean SENSEI what are you saying?!"

"Ah teens are so thirsty these days"

"Look who's talking"

"I beg your pardon"

"Archer-san, Fujimura-sensei asked if you were free this afternoon, she has this wine degustation course, but her partner abandoned her when she realized she didn't like wine... To be fair neither sensei does she just go to the course because it would have been a waste of money otherwise, still... why don't you join her, after all, two is better than one"  
I said dropping a bomb with the capital B.

Archer stared at me with a puzzled stare and then watched Fujimura-sensei as if she was some kind of rare animal.  
I know, to throw at a servant one of the few people that had been kind to me, didn't sound like a great idea, but hear me out if she is focused on Archer she won't focus on Bret... AND YES IT WAS WORTH IT.

Archer exchanged a tiny stare battle with Sempai and while I doubted they were actually telepathically speaking their eyes were enough to grasp the general conversation.

"If I accompany her, I can get her wasted by 4 PM and she will call out this evening date"  
"The idea is wonderful but why should I trust you"  
"Because I'm your only hope"  
"What do you gain by this shenanigan"  
"My goals are beyond your understanding"  
"Fine anything is better than Bret, but if something happens I will have your ass"

Or something like that.

"Fujimura-san I'd be pleased to join you"  
Said Archer showing a soothing voice that even I found charming.

Like terribly charming... the kind of charming you wouldn't hesitate to give your credit card to.  
"Oh damn look at that chin"  
I thought while Fujimura-sensei had basically melted.

"Oh...yes. Cool. I mean marvelous ah ah... Sakura-san pinch me I don't think this is real"  
* _Pinch  
_ "Ouch! Oh, God. I- I have to go change, meet me at this address in two hours"

And she then disappeared.

* * *

As Fujimura-sensei abandoned the Maison a weird sense of quiet spread all over the place, only the sound of Saber drawing on the face of a defeated Hikigaya-sempai could be heard.

To be fair I was feeling a little out of place, so I just went to clean the dishes as Archer's silver eyes and Sempai's golden ones fought.

"Archer, I don't know what's on your mind but don't mess up or I swear I'll make your life a living hell"  
"You have already done it"

"Christ! Are you even trying to hide it at this point?!"  
Groaned Hikigaya stopping the arguing between the two.

Archer's face froze.

"I know Tohsaka probably whip you with a belt to vent up the frustration Emiya caused her but dude try to be more subtle"

"...Have you been drinking again?"  
Asked the servant looking around in search of bottles.

"Nope, but the fumes of the marker are getting to my head. Saber you can stop now I have enough mustaches and phallic figures on my face!"  
"Sorry! I was trying to finish the butterfly"  
"Did it come out pretty?"  
"Very pretty"  
"Nice girl! High five"  
"... Your hand isn't going up"  
"Fuck my nervous system"

"And with this, I have seen enough, I found the jewel so farewell"  
Sighed Archer packing his stuff and leaving.

I seriously hoped he didn't forget about Fujimura-sensei.

"So it has been an eventful morning"  
Said Sempai joining my side to wash the dishes.

Damn, he was wearing again a shirt.

"Eventful to say the least, but it's been fun, chocking aside"  
"Pff, you're too good for this household Sakura, run before the weirdness gets you too"  
"Mmm, given I like being here I think the weirdness already got me, sorry Sempai, I'm not going anywhere"  
"Even if that anywhere is to get a chocolate cake?"  
"...I think there might be an exception or two"  
"I see, good to know"  
"Sempai if I can ask, what's up with Hikigaya-sempai? He seems like a completely different person"  
I said while giving a quick wash to my hands.

"Mmm, do you think so?"  
Mumbled Sempai scratching his ear.

Did he seriously not notice?

"Yes! He is louder, more expressive even though his eyes are like ones of a dead-fish and he is like much more confident. He rarely voiced his opinion before and now he actually seems to care about what's going on"  
I spat reversing out all the odd changes that had bothered me all morning, without even mentioning all the weird SHIT outside.

"Well you're right, but I think it's not that different from the Hikigaya we have known for the past week"  
Grimanced Sempai looking at his schoolmate getting dragged away by Saber.  
"It's more like he is too tired to put up his usual barriers"

For some reason, that sentence struck me.  
"Sempai what do you me-"

"SHIRO PLEASE HELP, I WAS TRYING TO WASH HACHIMAN'S FACE BUT HE IS DROWNING IN THE SINK"  
"WHAT! HOW'S THAT EVEN POSSIBLE!"

Well, it seemed my answers will have to wait.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later Sempai, Saber, Hikigaya and I were wearing our shoes ready to head out. I was surprised by how fashionable Saber and Hikigaya-sempai looked with their simple white and black coats, and how plain Sempai and I looked with our usual clothes.

"Should I go shopping?"  
I thought while Sempai threw at Hikigaya a weird cane made out of black metal.

"You sure you want to use this thing? It's heavy as hell... plus you'll look like a pimp"  
Said Sempai looking at his friend lean on the steel bar.

"Well Emiya, I walk on my own with this or someone will have to carry me"  
The dark-haired teen responded while Sempai just sighed and locked the house.

"Saber-san have you already tried Copenhagen's famous chocolate cake?"  
I asked the servant as we quietly started to walk.

The weather was chilly, but against all odds, the wind wasn't blowing so we were all gradually warmed up by the sun.  
Avoiding to kill the mood by thinking about the clusterfuck of problems I was going to face in the next days.

Rider's bounded field, the definitive possibility Sempai will have to face brother and... DAMN, I was supposed not to think about this stuff!

I was really messed up I couldn't even bring myself to be happy for more than ten minutes.  
"I'm never going to escape, right?"  
I muttered as the asphalt under my feet turned into black mud.

I could feel my shoes sink, while the confused figures of Sempai and Saber moved on leaving me behind, but probably that was what was bound to happen...

 **Sooner or later I was always left behind.**

 _*Poche.  
_ A finger pocked my nape.

"Com' on Matou if the cripple walk faster than you there's a problem, go do some cardio"  
Suddenly grunted Hikigaya-sempai bursting inside my delusion.

"What? Hikigaya-sempai?"  
I gasped noticing his face was as terrible as usual... I mean his face was defined unlike Sempai's.

"Who else I'm supposed to be, genius? Since you can get your legs to move or I will do the same thing I do to move my sister"  
He said a very dark voice.

"What do you mean by that?"  
I asked startled.

"Blahhhh"

With one wet sound, Hikigaya-sempai licked his thumb and pointed it against me. He was bluffing, he was definitely bluffing he wasn't going to do something that gross... OH MY GOD, he was serious!

"Kyaaaaa! Gross noo"  
I cried dodging by the skin of my teeth his wet finger.

"Move or the situation will become unpleasant"  
He laughed limping behind me as I started to run.

Why he was so damn fast! With one leg he was matching my two!

"Sempai! Help"  
I screamed hiding behind him.

Just clinging on his jacket made me feel safer.

"Hikigaya... what the hell are you doing?"  
Asked Sempai staring at his friend blocked at mid-movement.

"Forcing a reaction in Matou-kouhai-san"  
He replied still moveless.

"Why?"  
"She's slow"  
"And"  
"Hella fun to tease"  
"Okay that's more reasonable"

"Reasonable my ass!"  
I shouted seeing how much fun those two were having embarrassing me!

Honestly, I realized my voice was way louder than I expected after the deed was done and needless to say, I felt a bit flustered. It took me 5 additional seconds to also realize my embarrassment was nothing in comparison to the surprise Sempai and Saber's speechless faces suggested.  
I guess this wasn't a side of me I showed on a regular basis...eh eh fuck.

"Then walk faster woman!"  
Hikigaya retored not starteld by any degree.

"But we have arrived!"  
I roared once more pointing at the Copenhagen.

"Oh? OH! Damn, I didn't notice, okay my bad"  
He groaned realizing I was right.

"Won't you say you're sorry?"  
I asked pushing back my purple hair.

"Pff, don't push your luck girl, you got no idea how much embarrassing shit I discovered about you in one week"  
He grinned challenging me.

On a normal day I would have just backed down, but today I felt particularly bold... probably not because I was braless.

"Do we wanna talk about you and Saber hitting metal following a musical choreography?"  
I replied closing my eyes into two fissures.

"I thought I heard WE WILL ROCK YOU"  
Muttered Sempai making the face of someone who felt dumb for not realizing something sooner.

"Emiya please that was the new hit Saber and I are going to launch on the market WE WILL STEEL YOU"

"I can't even tell if you're messing with us or not"  
I widened my eyes too dumb-struck by the naturality this guy displayed while bullshitting his way through conversations.

"I think he is serious I even signed a contract"  
Suddenly said Saber dead serious.

""WHAT?!""  
Cried Sempai and I receiving this sudden info.

"...wow, you learn quickly"  
Gasped Hikigaya in awe.

What the hell was going on here.

"Hachiman isn't this the way how a prank is conducted nowadays"  
Asked Saber tilting her head and ahoge.

"No no 100 points for getting along with the flow, but next time, remember to give some sort of warning to your partner in crime"

"What kind of sign?"

"A wink?"

"..."

"You can wink, right Saber"

"Yes! Of course, I can"

"Suuuuure...Having said that see ya"  
Hikigaya said rolling his eyes before turning his heels and walking away.

"Wait are you leaving?"  
Asked Sempai raising an eyebrow.

"It sure looks like that Emiya. Good job your deduction skills are improving"

"First, screw you. Second, why"

"Ahahahahah... wait you're serious? Why would anyone sane in their mind be close you in this potential harem bullshit shenanigans situation?"  
He chuckled darkly, just to be cut down by Sempai's answer.

"Do you see yourself as a person with a sane mind?"

Frozen in mid-laugh Hikigaya-sempai took a moment to regain himself.  
"Arguably a good point, still there are things I need to do alone"

"But-"

"Ehp-EHP-EHP my word is Law. Try not to make your life more complicated for thirty minutes okay? Okay"  
Said Hikigaya-sempai shaking his finger.

"Hikigaya-sempai please don't do ... whatever was that... it's really gross"  
I said utterly terrified by his attempt to act cute.

"Yeah clown with a chain-saw is less unsettling than you"  
Agreed Sempai with a perturbed nod immediately followed by Saber.  
"It was chilling like an executioner trying to dampen the tension between every beheading and another with a joke"

"I got it assholes I'm creepy, stop pushing my feelings under a train for God's sake"  
And raising his middle finger Hikigay-sempai limped away.

 _Yes! One person less._

"Shiro... I don't know why, but I have a terrible feeling"

 _Ehm, what was going on?_

"I just texted to all my classmates not to come to this area"

 _Were they worried about Hikigaya? I mean sure he was weird, much more physically trained than I expected, apparently able to craft bombs and skilled enough to survive meeting Rider... Oh God did I really wanted to stay here!?_

"Shall we go inside?"  
I immediately asked with a voice more high-pitched than usual.

"YES"  
"YES"

* * *

The Copenhagen was a small but fashionable place where people of many different ages hanged out. To be honest I wasn't a habitual customer, too difficult to stalk Sempai in a small place with many people.

From the moment we got inside something felt immediately off, the local was crowded, the guests loud and one single old-man in a wheelchair with a long scarf was trying to serve all tables on his own.  
"Yes please wait a moment, refill? Of course, wrong order I'm very sorry, do you smell anything burning too? Oh God the pancakes"

"Where the hell are Kawaki and Ikari, today it was their shifts"  
Muttered Sempai looking at a tiny cloud of smoke coming out of the kitchen.

"Sakura... is this how cafes usually are?"  
"No, I definitely don't think so"  
Whispered Saber and me half intrigued 50% by the mess and 50% by Sempai's intense stare.

I'm not gonna use uncertain words, he looked so hot when he was serious, his golden eyes almost shined of their own light, the only deal-breaker was that I knew exactly what was going to happen next.

 _3, 2, 1 and there he goes._

"I'm going to help him, you two find a table!"  
And saying so he left.

To be fair when I left Sempai's house I desired just two people remained together, but I didn't expect this combination.  
"Mhm, shall we?"  
I asked Saber pointing at the first table.

"After you"  
She replied with a thin smile.

I would have never imagined so, but Saber has been a delightful company today, she was very polite and formal, but she brimmed with curiosity and I enjoyed explaining her stuff, plus by occasionally reading information on my smartphone I seemed so much smarter.  
"So, he just drowned"  
"Saber he didn't just drown, he sacrificed for her, for his one great love"  
"But he drowned"  
"Yes he did"  
"But look at that piece of wood it's definitely big enough for the two of them"  
"Saber there is a thing called aesthetic, just be mesmerized and don't think too hard about it, that's how you appreciate life's little joys even when everything is going wrong. _Believe me_ "  
"Joys like what?"

 _"Like Sempai's abs if you don't think he got them after nearly killing himself with training"  
_ I immediately thought, but then went for a less risky example.  
"Like strawberry- shortcakes! They are delicious, but are full of calories if you don't think about the latter part you enjoy them far more!"

"I never had one, are they good!?"  
Asked Saber swinging her ahoge.

"Good is way reductive"  
"Supergood?"  
"Still reductive"  
"Ultra mega good?"  
"That's on spot"  
"Wow"  
"Yup, wow"

Suddenly the lights went down, and a sea of confused noises filled the cafe.

"What's going on?"  
I thought before white neons lighted up the kitchen's door and a cloud of white smoke rose from it.

I half-expected everything to blow-up, but with my surprise, a very deep voice started blasting out of nowhere.  
" **LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE ARE SORRY FOR THE DELAY OF YOUR ORDINATIONS, WE ARE A BIT UNDERSTAFFED TODAY, NOW WE'RE GOING TO DELIVER YOUR FOOD IN THE MOST EPIC WAY POSSIBLE, GIVE A BIG APPLAUSE TO DEMON ON WHEEEELLLLSSSSSS!"**

The doors of the kitchen slowly opened up revealing the wheelchaired old man from before wearing a helmet with two sparkling fountains, a pair of goggles, and a tower of plates on each arm.

"Are you sure about this Nijito-jii?"  
Whispered the commentator, a.k.a Shiro-sempai, without knowing the mic was still on.

"If I'm sure? Of course I am! Do you think it's the first time I stuff rockets on this good ol' chair since the 83?"  
"I'm terrified to answer"  
"Smart answer. Now lit me, youngster"  
Growled the old man pulling a lever that had just appeared out of nowhere.

Immediately after a bunch of ramps popped out from the pavement and the other walls switching my mood from "Uh?" to "What the fuck!?"

"Last chance are you sure this is gonna be alright? I know you're high right now"  
Whispered Sempai.  
"I'm not high"

"Okay maybe a little, it's been a tiring day"  
"Don't blame if you die"  
"Aye. Go with the countdown sonny"

 **"TEN SECONDS TO THE LAUNCH, LET'S COUNT TOGETHER. 10, 9, 8, 7,6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 GO!"**

With a sudden flash of light, Sempai lit on fire the fuse of several rockets, one second and the old man on the wheelchair was flying across all the cafe delivering with surgical precision an order between a jump and a scoured. I immediately gave up retying to follow him, however, Saber's pupils were moving at crazy speed keeping track of the human projectile.

In thirty seconds the old man had concluded the plates and sharply braked in front of Saber and me.  
"They called me lighting"  
He whispered puffing out his chest, lifting his goggles and looking towards the horizon.  
"May I take your order?"

"Actually we didn't get the menus"  
I said quietly making the imaginary castle of the man crumble.

"Goddammit... there goes my charm"  
He cursed under his own breath.  
"Youngster, thanks for the help, you can go sit with your girlfriends just bring a couple of menus"

"They're not my girlfriends! Jiji!"  
Cried back Sempai with a flustered face.  
"Sure sure, they're not... yet"  
"Nijito!"  
"I'll come to take your order in a minute sweet ladies"

* * *

As the cafe's emergency quieted down Sempai sat down beside Saber and we all started checking the menus. I was pretty sure I was going to have a strawberry shortcake but I couldn't decide if I wanted the sunrise version or the rainbow one... I didn't know the difference but it sure was a hard choice.  
"Sempai what were you thinking to order?"  
I asked hiding part of my face with the menu to look cuter.

"I think I'll have a hot chocolate"

Ah, boring choice.  
"And you Saber-san?"

"I'll have a 5 layers chocolate cake, a lemon mousse, and the sundown strawberry short-cake"  
"You want to get all of them-Wait, did you say sundown strawberry shortcake?"  
"yes it was on the final page"  
"OH, with blueberry cream, sounds yummy"

"So have you decided what to order"  
Said the old man in the wheelchair coming back to our table.

"Yes!"  
I said restlessly tapping my finger on the menu.

I couldn't wait to get my cake!

"So tell me, missy, what would you like?"  
"A sundown strawberry shortcake"  
"Marvellous choice, and you young missy number two?"  
"5 layers chocolate cake, a lemon mousse, and the sundown strawberry shortcake"  
"...Emiya are you starving this poor girl?"  
"No, I swear"  
"Sure...you get your usual chocolate right?"  
"With cinnamon"  
"Aye, and don't bother with the bill it's on the house"  
"Hey old man what happened to the staff?"  
"Kawaki and Ikari got sucked off by a vampire"  
"What?"  
"Haven't you heard youngster? Random people found passed out on the street with massive blood loss"

"Dammit Rider"  
I thought suddenly grasping my clothes.

"I heard about it, are they okay?"  
"Yeah they got out from the hospital yesterday, my son told them to take a break... funny if they had been in the hospital a day more they would have met the brat"  
"What happened to the owner?"  
"Yesterday night a leaking gas duct blew up an entire district near the building site, the brat and my dear daughter in law got burned by the explosion and were sent to the hospital, I narrowly escaped cuz the heat made the tires of my chair pop and pushed me a couple of meters away from that frigging mess."  
"Nooooo...ooooo..."  
Said Sempai trying to emulate.. shock? While Saber suddenly focused on her thumbs.

I saw what was going on there... they took part in the fight that caused the explosion.

"Fortunately it wasn't nothing serious they had just passed out after getting hit on the head"  
"It must have been scary"  
Muttered Saber searching the eyes of the old man.

"Nah I know my kids are tough, I'd be a failure of a parent if I had let them grow soft"  
He chuckled pulling back an extremity of the scarf covering his face.

I have to admit, it was a very pretty red scarf even though some bits weren't weaved very well. It seemed like every bit had been done by a different set of hands.

"Should I go to pay them a visit?"  
Asked the ever so caring Sempai.

"I think they'd be happy but it's not a problem if you don't... it's a hard time for everyone kiddo you should take it easy too. Your orders will arrive shortly"  
Sighed Nijito-san before leaving.

As if physically hit by those words Sempai sunk in his seat massaging profusely his eyebrows.  
"I don't think I can take a break"  
He whispered while Saber tried to pat his back just to stop before actually doing it.

 **"Breaking news"**  
The loudspeakers of the cafe suddenly erupted.  
"A single heavily armed individual just broke in a building controlled by the local criminality, incapacitated all the personnel and proceeded to blow up the structure"

"Okay now I seriously need a break"  
Squirmed Sempai with his eyes wide open.

"From the street control footage, we can see the apparently armless person with a black coat and a large hat entering the building at 15:10 and sending the building's security system in lockdown. Eyewitnesses described it as a woman with short black hair but her face never appeared in the footage. From 15:13 to 15:25 a number between 40 and 60 shots have been counted before all the individuals present the got stuck to the windows of the building with duck-tape- sorry I correct myself flex-tape. At 15:45 the core structure of the building exploded sending in the systematically planned path of closed and open fireproof doors powerful blasts of air towards the individuals stuck on the windows, effectively shooting them across the street. There three inflatable slides covered of glue stopped the criminals until the arrival of the authorities that have been contacted with this telephonic call"

"Good morning, this is the Fuyuki's police department what's the emergency"  
"Hi, is there an agent eager to make a career?"  
"What? I'm sorry are you modifying your voice?"  
"Yeah I'm talking through a Doraemon stuffed toy I bough fifteen minutes ago, but that's not important! Listen you know the building near the H&M in center yes? The one with your patrol permanently stationed undercover"  
"How do you-"  
"I have eyes, ears, and chloroform, yes the two guys, Satou and Baritai, are asleep and should clean the car more often smelled like cat-food inside there. I'm going to be short and clear you couldn't bust the cocaine because they were using the vacuum cleaners of the cleaning company as movable storages, you're welcome by the way, for a reason or another I needed to clean up this building and gently get my hands on some stuff, so would you please send some agents that can quickly fill in the paperwork and arrest 37 guys illegally holding weapons and drugs?"  
"Yes?"  
"Good also please send a couple of ambulances there are 13 dislocated shoulders, 2 severed hands, 5 severed feet, a total sum of 69 cracked ribs and my favorite a broken scrotum... a guy got scared and fell on the floor while in the bathroom... not a good show, I'm not a guy but ouch"

"It is yet to see if this last crime has any ties to the events of this morning stay tuned for more updates"

"Nope, nope, nope, nope"  
Started to madly repeat Sempai hugging his own head.

"Saber what's going onnnnn?"  
I asked before realizing the sword servant was as confused as me.

We both stared at Sempai's red hair while he was on the verge of a mental break down, I didn't know what to do usually I was the one breaking down what hell was I supposed to do from this side?

Saber tried to slightly shake Sempai's shoulders without any result.

"Here's your order. Ah, another incident... 32 minutes he's been quick"  
Commented Nijito-ossan nodding on the tv of the cafe.

"He? The news said it was a woman"  
I asked.

"Believe me, lady, I know a man's touch when I see it, leaving aside the fact that's it would have been very difficult for a respectfully strong woman to lift so many gown men and stick them to the window, it all seems unnecessary"

"What do you mean?"  
Joined Saber unable to understand the man's reasoning.

"Someone as skilled as that individual could have been much more subtle as a woman and probably could have just stolen what she needed without all that mess. Sure I might be wrong but my stomach doesn't feel right about this... no, it's yesterday's beans sorry"  
Groaned the old man putting a hand on his tummy and rushing towards the bathroom.

That was far too many details for my taste still... his reasoning made sense the only problem with it was that he didn't include the possibility of a bored servant sent for an errand by her Master. For what I knew the culprit of this last crime could have been one a servant like Caster, Berserker, Lancer or Assassin, a heroic spirit definitely had the skills to raid that building so quickly. After all who else could have pulled such a stunt.

* _Dling  
_ The bell of the cafe's door suddenly rang and under them a very much scary teenager with eyes that looked straight out from a zombie arrived with his arms full of bags.

In that second Sempai froze while Saber and I went "Oh...". He thought Hikigaya-sempai was the criminal! And the major problem was that I couldn't tell if he was just exaggerating or not. I had no idea how dangerous he actually was, and I sure wasn't eager to discover it.

"Hikigaya what's in the bags"  
Sighed Sempai without even changing position.

"...Clothes? I devolved half of my hoodies to charity this morning and the rest of my stuff was dirty of blood, I needed to renew my wardrobe so I went to H&M. What? Are you sad you couldn't come? Sorry but I definitely do not trust your fashion style nor I need anyone to interrupt my quiet time alone"  
He said taking a seat beside me.

Uh? It seemed Sempai was overreacting, after all, I Hikigaya-sempai he had a wounded leg and where the hell could a high schooler buy the weapons to raid a building.

"Look at the news"  
Groaned Sempai pointing towards the Tv still with his eyes directed on the floor.

"...oh so that was the reason for the explosion I heard, what about it"  
"Weren't you concerned?"  
"Concerned to get out from there as soon as possible? Yeah a lot, so concerned I even dare to get entangled in your harem romcom"  
"Can you translate it using normie words"  
"Damn you're so boring. Better break my balls than my bones. Better staying here with you than close to an explosion"  
Hikigaya-sempai explained leading Sempai to mutter.  
 _"Rude...and a lie you still have red lipstick_ on a _corner_ of _t_ _he mouth mother fucker"  
_ I couldn't quite catch what he said after rude but it must have been an insult or something.

I would have tried to inquire, but thinking about it twice it didn't seem wise to poke that nest of wasps plus my cake had arrived! And that was, without a doubt, my priority.

"Here your orders and... are you new here?"  
Asked the old man closing his eyes a little.

"Yes don't worry he just got here, you're not going senile old man"  
Said Sempai trying to reassure him, but the result wasn't quite the expected one.

"Who the fuck said I was going senile, mind your words brat!"

"Ah I like him"  
Chuckled Hikigaya-sempai probably feeling some kind of kinship with the old man.

"Okay… leaving aside the fact I might have doomed the universe bringing you two together, I think I could do the presentations, old-man, I guess you remember Sakura, but the other two have not been in Fuyuki for long she is Saber and he is Hikigaya-Hachiman"

"..Kiddo with all due respect, I don't really care"  
Sighed the old man giving Sempai a condescending nod.  
"Liking this guy even more"  
"Hikigaya shut-up"  
"Pffahaha, guess you finally found someone able to make you snap kiddo, that's good" The chairbound man grinned under his scarf while a joyful spark danced in his old gray eyes.  
"How's that a good thing?"  
Groaned Sempai with a tired face.

"Cuz your ass is finally confronting someone instead of winning or losing an argument from the beginning, lads like you have only always seen black or white, you need more gray in your life"

"...Since when are you so philosophical?"  
"Since the 101 got in the city"  
"What's 101?"  
Asked Sempai sipping his hot chocolate.  
"It's a blend of weed Emiya, overrated in my opinion"  
Retorted Hikigaya making him almost choke.

Sempai's eyes widened and his cheeks full of sweet chocolate puffed up for a second, then he swallowed and as if nothing had happened put down the mug and said.  
"I should have imagined that… and why are you so knowledgeable Hikigaya?"  
Yeah, I was wondering that too, was Hikigaya-sempai a junkie? He struck me as anything but that.

"Knowledgeable? This punk says 101 is overrated knowledgable my ass, I dare you I double dare you to name a better blend"  
Erupted the old man pointing his index against Hikigaya's nose.  
Who without even blinking responded.  
"Black scale"

First confirming my doubt, Hikigaya-sempai was a junkie and second impressing the old man.  
"Okay you got taste laddie I got to admit it and… the name is Nijito Eru by the way, I guess it would be rude to not introduce myself at this point"  
Staring towards Saber and me, Nijito-san finally introduced himself and even though I already knew his identity and wasn't interested in a formal introduction, I felt a chill run down my spine when he pronounced his name: "Nijito". Another wave of mud filled my vision it lasted just a couple of seconds, but in that time frame, I… saw something different from usual. It wasn't just some mindless shower of darkness.

* * *

It was a clear image of a black coated fist crushing a horned helm and the skull of a girl under it.

* * *

By the moment I regained consciousness a scream of horror got stuck in my throat and all my blood escaped from my face.  
"Matou!"  
Said immediately Hikigaya-sempai as all the strength left my body and I leaned on his shoulder. A sense of nausea pervaded my soul as if all the worms in my body had decided to twist their slimy body in random directions… and now that I thought about it could, that have been very likely the situation.

"Fuck my body"  
I mentally cried while a displeasing heat grew in my lower abdomen.  
"I MEAN DIDN'T LIKE THAT!"  
I cursed the world again as my libido grew out of control.

"What's going on?"  
Asked Sempai rushing at my side.  
"I've no idea, her pulse is speeding up and she is sweating. Matou do you feel heat rushes somewhere?"  
Asked Hikigaya unsheathing his unusual caring voice.  
Damn it wasn't fair people couldn't just switch from totally uninterested to "My whole world is you" it's just too offputting.

"Matou nod or shake your head. Are you feeling heat rushes?"

I nodded with the will I had left.

"I think she's having a panic attack, we have to take her in a quieter place and make her calm down, Emiya give me options"  
"The back shed is quiet and there's a sofa to make her lie down, old-man is not a problem right?"

Sempai retorted putting his arms under my body.  
Can someone tell me while the only time something like THIS happens my brain is too meltdown to memorize the feeling properly?  
Nijito-san hearing Sempai simply shrugged and moved his wheelchair away.

"You would do it anyway even if I said you can't do it"  
"Gland you know me so well"

And saying so Sempai carried me away. The last thing I saw before the world started moving and become confusing was Saber piling up her dishes and follow me while Hikigaya-sempai threw a weird stare at Nijito-san.  
I could feel my heart trying to pop out of my chest, when I was laid down the cold surface of the sofa made me gasp.

"Okay now what?"  
Asked Sempai looking towards the dynamic duo that had followed him.  
Saber was evidently clueless while Hikigaya had finally lost his caring side.  
"Now we wait, and you hug her whispering sweet stuff… no, wait, terrible idea in this situation it might straight-up give her a heart attack, Saber you hug her"  
"Me?"  
"Yes you, get your head in the game"  
Then something unbelievably soft and warm was squished on my chest, it felt good it was pleasing.

"Now tell her it's all okay"  
"Sakura, it's all fine"

"Fine?"  
I thought almost escaping the ghost arms dragging me towards the oblivion.

"Fine"  
I repeated trying to convince myself, but then I suddenly lost the sense of touch throughout my whole body and a wrinkled clawed hand appeared before my eyes.

"Welcome to your new house Sakura, I'm Matou Zouken. Don't put up that face, everything is going to be fine ah ah ah"  
 **There was nothing fine.  
** Other images flashed in my mind, and unfortunately, this time I recognized them, they were my memories, my past.

* * *

Worms and bugs, bugs and worms. As much as my memories were terrifying they were also very redundant. The bug bites after a while just melted with each other, the cold penetrating the bones couldn't go beyond my skeleton and the worms crawling through my flesh would stop sooner or later. If I had nowhere to be, none to see, nothing to live for I could actually empty myself and get it over with. I learned that if I dug deep inside the nothingness I could build a cold shell, far from everything, an unreachable place where I was only a spectator of the world. Maybe it was thanks to that place I managed to keep my sanity all this time, if they think you're death Matou's worms stop to drill through your body, yet if they realize you're actually counting the seconds to the end of that torture so you can escape from the house and reach the only people in the world that actually love you.. well your going to be there for a long time.

It was probably better I got comfortable God knew just how long I'd be stuck in this nightmare.

* * *

"She's getting worse, Saber hug her better!"

"How do I hug better, I'm not used to"

"AH, you two stop! Get me that water bottle, a metal straw, and lighter I know how to relax her"  
"Emiya, think I know what are you thinking and that's definitely a terrible idea, she'll eventually calm down _"  
"_You know what time is it?"  
"It's.. damn sunset is coming"  
"We'll have a target on our back and Hachiman is in no fight condition"  
"Yeah Saber talk about a secret magical war in the ear of an ordinary teenager"  
"She can't hear me, I could slap her and the situation would change"  
"Fair point"  
"GUYS BRING ME WHAT I ASKED"

* * *

"...eath"

Uh

"Breath"

Something warm was blowing on my face

"Skura breath "

Breathing? Well, I guess I could do that.

"UFFFFFFFFFFF! "

I sucked the air inside my lungs. The only problem was it wasn't air.

Suddenly I felt my nerves relax as if they were freshly made dough, with weird phlegm, I opened my eyes, and oh boy has anyone ever thought how lightbulbs are bulbs of light crazy.

"Holy shit, you did it Emiya. She actually calmed down… and why you didn't tell me you are so adept at making make-shift bongs! That's the most useful thing I have sen you do"

"Fuck off Hikigaya. Sakura are you okay?"

"Mmm your face is so squishy aha"  
I laughed pinching Sempai's cheeks.

Gosh, they all looked so tense what happened? It was something regarding the cakes, wasn't it?

"I STILL DIDN'T HAVE MY CAKE!"  
I realized storming out the room I was closed into.

One problem I couldn't open the door no matter how hard I pulled.  
"1, 2, 3 AAAAHHHHHH"  
Still no luck.  
"1, 2, 3 AAAHHHHHHHHH"  
"Sakura"  
"1, 2, 3 AHHHHH, you're a thug bitch uh!"  
"SAKURA!"  
"What Sempai I have no time for your beautiful eye-lashes I need my cake"  
"It's a push door!"  
"Ooooh, thanks" *Push "To the cake!"

* * *

Strawberries and blackberries definitely an incredible combo in a shortcake, I swear every spoon was pure ecstasy, it was so good I could even ignore the two people talking behind my back.

"So you used the Teddy bear blend I keep to stone my dear brats when they are too loud, to quiet your girlfriend down"  
"Sorry old man, I'll repay you, and no, she is not my girlfriend"  
"Does she know?"  
"What-"

Yeah I knew I wasn't old fart! Thanks for reminding me that my plan in 89 steps was only at step 5! AH! A GREMLIN HAD JOINED THE CONVERSATION! Wait... that's Hikigaya.

"Gentlemen, that's it's a stupid question... she barely knows her name now. Too busy playing at the airplanes with Saber"

Playing at the airplanes? Who was playing? I was controlling a delicate mission.  
"Brrrbbbbbbbb, cake cargo incoming Saber control tower open the hangar"  
"AAHHHHHH""  
"Incoming"  
"mmmm"

Mission complete I was a great captain! What had those assholes to say about my skills?

"Was it the first time she… you know"  
"Old man you do realize marijuana is illegal"  
"Kids these days are no fun, but I'd clean her up before coming out"

Oh, no praises just more boring talking!

"What do you suggest?"  
"Dunno"  
"Ice-bucket challenge?"  
"Thanks, Hikigaya let's drench a girl in winter"  
"Pneumonia assured eh"  
"Fine not a bright idea but at least I'm proposing something"  
"Old man how do you usually clear up?"  
"I don't do it, one of the few advantages of being bound to this thing is that I don't have to worry about walking straight when I'm wrecked"  
"Interesting but useless, Emiya can you call a cab?"  
"Services suspended after a gas explosion destroyed a taxi deposit last week"  
"Right, I had to return home on just two wheels that night, still are you two sure she won't get another attack"  
"Can't say, never seen something like this-"  
"It started out of nowhere"  
"It's not that uncommon, she probably saw or felt something you couldn't perceive in the same way as her"  
"Yeah, in fact, what I was going to say IF YOU DIDN'T INTERRUPT ME, was that it's the fact she calmed down so much so quickly that throws me off"  
"It's like a switch inside her had been flipped on and off"  
"Maybe it was magic, or the tranquilizers inside the weed, who knows my guess is as good as yours, wait no it was definitely the tranquilizers brats"  
"Then why is she exploding with energy? She is hyperactive that's not how stoned people are like!"

How dared he I wasn't exploding with energy, only because I got bored of jet feed Saber and had started to fold all the napkins on the table in cranes, he called me hyperactive.

"Who cares! Hikigaya, we already lost too much time, let's just find something to clear her mind. Saber can you control her"

"Sure"  
Responded the servant nodding.

Her face looked terribly serious but her mouth was covered in cake crumbs, so she didn't look that reliable.  
"Hey Sempai I can take care of myself"  
I responded ruining the paper crane I was folding.

"Sakura you're talking to a mop"

"Ah, okay see you later then I'll be a good girl with Saber"  
I smiled suddenly realizing I might not be able to take care of myself at the moment.

The teens and the old man left quickly after, while I had started to play with my origami. It was weird, I was weird, I felt so relaxed, so chill I barely recognized myself, it was like I had discarded a heavy bag. My body was light, my smile didn't feel bound to two weights. I didn't want this euphory to end...

"Sakura, how're you feeling?"  
Asked Saber cleaning her face with a napkin.

"Good"  
I responded with honesty, for the first time in a long time I felt good.

"That's good to hear, and don't be scared to ask my help or Shiro's if something like that happens again"  
"Oh, you were concerned about, my little crisis don't worry it's not a big deal"  
I smiled brushing away her concerns.

"...pardon?"  
Retorted the servant with serious eyes.  
"Not a big deal, it was just a crisis, not the end of the world"  
I replied rolling my eyes, what a worry-heart.

"It's not the end of... Sakura being overwhelmed by that kind of sadness is no joke"  
"Sadness?"  
I asked not understanding what she was talking about.  
Those attacks were sure a pain, but at best they were embarrassing, of which sadness was she talking about.

"Sakura... I... you"

Oh, she was confused too, good.

"I... I saw people go through that state only when fear, sadness or despair struck with suddenly a person, that's what I'm talking about"

"Ah, no, don't worry I wasn't struck by anything really. I just got distracted"  
I said with a smile finally understanding Saber's point of view.  
"Distracted..."  
"Yes, a thing popped in my mind and I forgot to be happy, Ahah how clumsy of me, sorry I didn't show my best side"

Concluding with a giggle I finally cleared the misunderstanding. Good job Sakura! I had been clear to express my thoughts even in my current condition, I was really an impressive person when I tried, in fact, I actually managed to surprise a servant! Yes, Saber was so impressed she couldn't close her mouth or blink.

I was really unique.

 _SPLASH!_

* * *

 **COOOLD!  
** Cold cold cold a sine breaking cold suddenly crept all over my body, while a black haired teen looked at me without much interest.

"YOU ACTUALLY SPLASHED ME WITH ICE WATER!"  
I cried slapped back to my senses by two liters of artic water.

"See it worked, pay up"  
Sighed the Hikigaya-sempai squeezing his black eye, to the chair-bound old man  
"Youngster you're ruthless, I like you, here your yen"

"Thank you very much, and welcome back to the world of the living Matou"

"Brrrr why did you do that!"  
I asked shivering from the cold.

"Cuz you would have been stoned for another hour and... I needed to get my chance while Emiya was at the bathroom"  
"I get your logic but I'm still hating you so much right now"  
I replied hugging my own body, but then something soft covered my head.

"Yeah, sure now dry yourself with your towel, if you don't complain you'll get a prize"  
He said rolling his eyes and while grabbing one of his shopping bags.

"I don't know which kind of girl you think I am Sempai but I won't be swayed just by some sort of- OH MY GOD IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS!"  
I suddenly exclaimed.

"Yes... the unisex sweater of the "Fashion collection" that just came out this year"  
He nodded with an attitude full of superiority.

"Why would you try to buy me with that?"  
I whispered as my hands unconsciously moved towards that masterpiece.

"A. Because Emiya would be a pain in the ass if you were to complain now and B. I need a favor"

"What kind of favor"  
I asked blocking my arm, I had the feeling I was very close making a deal with the devil.

"I can't tell you right now, but if you follow my lead in about twenty minutes this thing will be yours"

Sweater or no danger. Sweater danger. Danger... DAMMIT!  
"You can keep the sweater-"

"I have another one"  
He cut me off with a terrifying musical voice.  
"Ara?"  
I gasped looking at Hikigaya-sempai slowly showing up a second sweater.

Suddenly I froze while a maleficent idea took form in my soul. I couldn't even put it into words, because by that time I would have fallen for Hikigaya-sempai's trap.

Still, that devil already knew what I wished for and with whispers sweeter than honey...  
"I could give this one to Emiya so you two could have... matching outfits"  
He conquered my loyalty.

 _Matching outfits... matching outfits._ Those two words were like a powerful spell able to bind my soul to an unbreakable oath. Hikigaya and I broke out in a dark chuckle while slowly shaking hands.

"ahahahahahhaah"  
"ahahahahahahah"

"What are you doing you two?"

"Nothing Sempai"  
"Nothing Emiya"  
We yelped from the sudden appearance of the red-haired teen.

"Sure.. Oh God! Sakura did he splash you?"  
Asked sempai noticing I was still wet.

I immediately felt Hikigaya-sempai's dead eyes on me, it was like they were saying:" Don't mess this up"

"Splashed me? No, he... gently woke me up with a bucket of ice-cold water"  
I replied with a smile.

"Mission complete"  
I thought winking at Hikigaya who just smashed his palm on his forehead.

"Hi. Ki. Ga. Ya"  
Sempai growled releasing a dark aura.  
"Would like to give me an explanation?

The dark-haired teen raised his index ready to respond, but then he just lowered it and cried.  
"...GODDAMIT MATOU!"

AH! I had screwed up! How could have I screwed up something this important!

"NO SEMPAI I'M FINE REALLY! HE GAVE ME A TOWEL, DON'T BE ANGRY AT HIM, DON'T DO THIS TO ME!"  
I desperately pleaded him tugging his clothes.

"What the hell is wrong with you two..."  
Sighed Sempai while Saber shook her head in confusion.

* * *

Five minutes of pleading later, Sempai gave up his anger and we all prepared to leave.

"Old man are you sure you can run this place alone?"  
Sempai asked wearing his jacket.

"Ah, of course no, youngster, today this place wasn't even supposed to be open"  
Replied Nijito-san while cleaning a table with an old rag.

"What? Then why-"  
"Because, I had to get some stuff here, but when I arrived this morning an acquaintance of mine was standing before the entrance with his fiancé, he wanted to have a fancy breakfast with her, they were cute so I opened the place"  
"That doesn't sound like your style at all"  
"What style would be my then, brat?"  
"...Hikigaya's one... the style that send them straight at home"  
"Hey Emiya, I'm still here you know"  
"But I'm sure you're taking it as a compliment"  
"Damn straight I am"  
"See..."  
"Okay that would be my base style, you're correct kiddo"  
"Returning to the original topic who's this acquaintance that made you open the place"  
"AH, it's a teacher of your school, scary as hell, Kazuki Yamashiro"  
"SO THAT WAS HIM THIS MORNING, wait he has a fiancé"  
"Apparently"

"Hey, you two who is Kazuki? This isn't my hero academia"  
Asked Hikigaya-sempai expressing an odd interest for gossip.

"Hikigaya-sempai you must know him, he is the scary teacher with a mono expression face"  
I Said puzzled by his ignorance, if I wasn't wrong it was even his homeroom teacher.

"I have no idea of who you're talking about"  
He replied confused.

"Dude, scary as hell, doesn't ring any bells?"  
Asked Sempai raising an eyebrow.

"Nope"  
"Sempai it's your homeroom teacher"  
I added confused by his confusion.

I mean, I suspected Hikigaya-sempai didn't care much about other people but not even knowing his teachers' names was on my brother's level of... which was the expression... zero fucks given.

"Right! You always misspell his name"  
Sempai snapped his fingers reaching a sudden realization.  
"You call him Kuzuki"

"...Kuzuki's name isn't Kuzuki?"  
"No Hikigaya-sempai, it's Kazuki"  
"And you two are 100% sure about this"  
"YES MAN! You're confusing him with someone else"  
Groaned Sempai rolling his golden eyes.

For a moment Hikigaya's dead eyes sharpened, it was scary... it was like something inside him that was usually asleep had waken up for a second. Chills ran through my back and then he grunted.  
" _Ohhhh_ f _uck, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me._ I mean...yes...probably I am, how clumsy"

"Com' on Hikigaya you've been here more than a week a mistake like that is a little embarrassing"  
Replied Sempai totally unaware of Hikigaya's tension.

Oh boy, oh boy the situation could escape out of hand any moment now.  
"Wow, it's gotten late we should really go, right Saber?"  
I said trying to save my matching outfit fantasy.

"Really?"  
Commented the servant hiding inside her pockets some chocolates.

"GH. Go away brats! My head is splitting in half just having to see you"  
Groaned Nijito-san holding his head in his hands and snatching away from Saber the sweets.  
"These are for kids lady!"

"Can we please go, before some kind of demon lord enters from that door and I have to ditch my stuff to Saber and use Emiya as my legs?"  
Cried Hikigaya pointing at the door with his cane.

"Fine, let's go, bye old man tell me one the place stays open stably"  
Said Sempai waving his hand.

Reading the mood I opened the door and head out still shaken by what I had seen. Hikigaya-sempai had always rubbed me in a weird way and I knew he was dangerous, but that... thing he had inside was on another level, for a second it felt I was standing beside a predator at the apex of the food chain.

"Ow"  
Coming out of the cafe I suddenly crashed into a woman standing outside.

Dear how embarrassing.  
"I'm sorry are you okay"  
I asked looking at the stranger I had ran into.

"Don't worry, I'm okay I was just surprised"  
She responded touching her forehead and... damn she was gorgeous.

Not on Saber's or Rider's unbelievable level, but still she could have been a model for what I knew.

"Sakura is everything okay"  
Said Saber following me past the door just to freeze in front of the stranger woman.

"Ghg"  
"Ghg"  
They both groaned at the same time.

"Sakura, Saber can you please move further, Hikigaya is mistaking me for a pinata. Oh God not you"  
Gasped Sempai joining Saber and me.

"You're the molester from the shop"  
The woman whispered poisonous.

"And you're the terrible person that insulted Saber, do we have to keep this conversation going longer? I have a sociopath behind me that's eager to return home"  
Replied Sempai with the sexiest, I mean the coldest voice I have ever heard him use.

He looked very cool, but then Hikigaya's cane appeared out of the door and sashed on his head making him squat down in pain.

"For GOD'S SAKE EMIYA how is it physically possible you make every action within my day a mess just by existing? I'm sorry lady that you and this idiot had a bad history, but if I don't get home to my painkillers real quick the situation will become real ugly soon"  
Groaned the dark-haired teen with angry voice.

Damn, he was still livid by whatever had happened before, however, with much my surprise the woman remained completely unfazed and simply smiled.  
"Is that how you greet me Hikigaya-kun? Don't you say hi to your Onee-chan?"  
She said with malice.

The demon in human skin commonly referred to as Hikigaya Hachiman suddenly quieted down, he stared at the woman for a second, blinked two times and then sighed.  
"Fucking called it"

With a swift movement, he dropped all his bags to Saber, pushed me against the woman, straightened up Sempai's back pulling his hair and then jumped in his arms.

Like the ugliest Disney princess, Hikigaya-sempai was in the hands of MY prince, and he was directing it with his cane as if MY GODDAMN PRINCE was a horse.

"RUN, RUN EMIYA! BEFORE SHE LAYS EGGS OR SOMETHING EVEN WORSE!"

Before I understood what was happening my two sempais ran away while Saber dashed behind them and snatched me away from the woman.

"THE DAY I FALL IN THE CLAWS OF A YUKINOSHITA IS THE DAY I'VE GIVEN UP ON LIVING BUT THAT'S NOT TODAY!"

WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH TODAY!?

* * *

"So, Hikigaya-sempai"  
"Yes, Matou"  
"For how long are we going to run?"  
"Until I'm getting carried we can run as long as Emiya faints"  
"Yeah, but Saber seems able to keep running forever"  
"Legit point"

* * *

"HORSES STOOOPPPPPP"  
Cried Hikigaya-sempai forcing Sempai and Saber to stop after they'd been carrying us for fifteen minutes.

"OUCH! Stop hitting me with that cane asshole"  
Retorted Sempai blocking his feet while roughly dropping Hikigaya-sempai.

"Hachiman, who was that very mean woman, who I totally do not resent for making hateful comments about my body"  
"What's with those details, why do you have history with her?"  
"Just answer please"  
Said Saber gently placing me down on the ground.

"Ehm her name is Yuikinoshita Haruno she is an acquaintance of mine, and she is annoying"  
The teen responded passing a hand on his wrinkled clothes.

"What an awful amount of information Hikigaya, now we know nothing more than before"  
Replied Sempai slowly clapping his hands.

"I agree with Sempai, what aren't you telling us, Hikigaya-sempai? Is she perhaps your girlfriend?"  
I suggested, not much because I thought it was true, but because Hikigaya-sempai would more keen to speak if he was flustered.

"AH!? What! Are you nuts! How that would even be possible!"  
He replied assuming the same expression of a deer that's going to be run over by a car.

"Well, if she is an evil being, as you're trying to let us think, I wouldn't be surprised if the two of you got along nicely Hachiman"  
Said Saber following my lead.

ATTAGIRL

"Is that your opinion of me Saber! I'm not the type that would get turned on by the hot and evil trope!"  
Stuttered the dead-eyed teen getting gradually cornered.

"Really Hikigaya-sempai?"  
I argued, inquisitively.

Damn, teasing him was so much fun. Bullying this almost emotionless guy to the verge of embarrassment tears was way too satisfying.

"Okay, that's definitely a fantasy of mine, but she is annoying and a shitload of problems"

Oh ho, he was going on the defensive.

"That does sound like a person you'd enjoy spending with, Hachiman"

Yes, Saber attack!

Hikigaya-sempai stared to assume a reddish coloration and blurted.  
"That's uncalled for! Saber why would you think that..."  
Then he gave a quick stare to Sempai.  
"Annoying and a shitload of problems... yeah... Okay, I can see from where this misunderstanding comes. Still, unlike Emiya, who run in massively fucked up situations just by existing, Haruno actively try to mess with my life! Plus carrot cooks for me and held my head when I was vomiting so I'll at least give him credit for that"

"Yes, Shiro has surprisingly comfortable hands to rest on, in those situations"  
Commented Saber touching her own forehead and blushing a little.

 _What the fuck was that? Why was she blushing? Did I have to kick someone's ass here and now?_

"Definitely. Still returning to our previous argument, there is no way she'd go after a creep like me. So case closed and let's keep moving before she catches up"  
Declared Hikigaya-sempai trying to conclude the teasing.

Dammit, he had made a fairly reasonable remark. Who would ever love those eyes and personality! Just a bit more and he would have cracked.

I thought it was over but, then Sempai arrived.  
"Really? That's the reason you want to use to conclude this argument, Hikigaya? Your face is average, maybe slightly above when you're without eye-bags, from the neck down it seems your body got carved out from solid metal, your personality is trash, but eventually, you're very reliable and at very least I can count already one girl that has a crush on you at school"

 _Wait the situation was taking a weird turn right now._

Saber and I squeezed our eyes, the air had gotten intimate.

"Oh god please tell me is just a bromance"  
I thought while Hikigaya had his mouth left open.

"Dude.. what the fuck? Stop this crazy embarrassing passionate speech, and... wait someone has a crush on me?"

"Not the point Hikigaya, what I'm saying is that..."  
 _Please, be bromance, please, be bromance.  
_ "That girl has a soft spot for you, the thing intrigues you, but something scares you, and so you chicken out"  
Said Sempai with a very clinical analysis.

"...T. That's not true"

"Really?"

"Really Emiya"

"...really?"

"AAAHHHHH she is the sister of one of the two girls of my club. I, her sister and the other girl present in the club have a complicated relationship that I consider very important, however, Haruno keeps planting seeds of doubt here and there jeopardizing said relationship in order to make her little sister grow; a thing that I can't understand if it is nice or a dick move, because Haruno is as much emotionally unstable as her sister and can't be expected to help someone if she can't even help herself first! Really! Her personality is nearly as twisted as mine, she always wears maks to have the upper hand, but if she is outclassed in even a single aspect she'll act like a spoiled brat, which is ridiculous because a person with so much Onee-san vibe can't just go in little sister mode, and trigger my onii-chan senses that's illegal! And... I got played, right?"  
Said Hikigaya suddenly stopping his monologue.

Wow once teased enough Hikigaya was worst than an old housewife, he spat out an awful amount of info, and the fact that he was blushing like a little girl wasn't helping his pride.

"Yup, you got played man and damn... I was wrong. YOU'RE THE ONE WITH A SOFT SPOT FOR THAT WOMAN! AND YOU DON'T WANT HER TO FIND OUT"  
Gasped Sempai like he had just discovered something amazing.

"Shiro is this what's commonly referred to as tsundere?"

"Stop you two! I swear I'll kick your asses for this!"  
Roared the dark-haired teen almost on the verge of tears.

And then I realized one thing, while flustered and embarrassed Hikigaya-sempai looked... cute. The blood rushing to his face erased his eyebags, the tears he kept imprisoned in his eyes concealed their rotten part and from my position, I couldn't even see his black eye.

A weird desire to hug him and pet his head was slowly taking over me.  
"Dear lord, Hikigaya-sempai are you perhaps popular with girls"  
I asked, realizing bullying him could be an addictive hobby.

"Like hell"  
He replied generating the deadest deadpan I have ever seen.  
"Are you screwing with me Matou? Calling a loner popular is the same as asking to be shot in the face"

Aaaaannnnnnddddd it was gone, his cute side was gone... I had touched the wrong button.

"GHA! Your gossiping has already made me lose a bunch of time!"  
Groaned Hikigaya-sempai pulling his hairs and getting his bags back from Saber.  
"You two go home if I have to deal with any more of your crap I'll kill someone, also Emiya fetch this"  
He said throwing a medium-sized pink package.  
"What's this?"

"You'll know once you open it at your house, and please get some development before it's too late"

"What's that supposed to mean"

"As I said before you'll know, Saber take the lead in case it's necessary"

"Ehm, Hachiman what are you talking about?"

"Again you will know I left all the instruction in the package"  
Said Hikigaya-sempai with an annoyed voice.  
"Now, you two go, I'm going to escort Matou at her home, it's been dangerous these days"

What? No Saber and Sempai couldn't be left alone together!  
"I'm fine actually I don't need-"

"Oh right your **sweater** Matou"  
Cut me off Sempai showing up a prized item, I desired.

... _wait twenty minutes had passed I had to follow his lead!_

 _"_ Yeah, now that I think about it way better move in group these days, thanks Hikigaya-sempai"  
I replied in a hurry, making Hikigaya-sempai smirk.

"Emiya now that I think about it can you also carry my bags back home "  
He said proceeding to throw the rest of his stuff against the red-haired teen.

"Woah! be careful, they could... wait they're just clothes?"  
Gasped Sempai cathing the bags.  
"I told you, I was going to buy clothes what did you expect?"  
Groaned the dark-haired teen.

"I don't know, bombs?"

"And where would I be supposed to buy them Ikea? Be realistic Emiya, did you snitch some of the weed from that old man?"

"Shiro don't answer, anything you'll say will become the root of a sassy retort"  
Said Saber jumping between my two sempais.

"Wise words, now go. Emiya, if you don't mess anything up, the sweater in the blue bag is yours, and Saber there's also a CD for you... all the Queen discography"  
"Hey, why are you being nice what's the catch-"  
"Shiro let's go"  
Suddenly cried Saber dragging away Sempai in a blonde and red line.

I stared at them until disappeared behind a corner and then I remained alone with Hikigaya-sempai, there was none else around, just the tow of us standing quietly in the light of the twilight. Today... today has been fun, probably the most fun day I have had in a while and the most fun I was going to live until the Holy Grail War was over. The last moment of calm before a storm that was going to shake the very roots of this city... it was sad. I was sad. Because I had no idea of what was going to happen and what was going to change.

"It's always fun how child-like literal legends such as servants can be"  
Grinned Hikigaya-sempai putting his weight on his cane.

"Yes, it's unbelievable"  
I agreed remembering Rider's reaction to microwaveable popcorns, she was adorably interested.

"Almost like your stupidity"  
He added with a thin line of happiness.

"Yeah, wait my what?"  
I asked turning towards Hikigaya-sempai just to find the mouth of a gun in front of my face.

"Matou let's talk go talk to your family now. I really need to settle a score with the Rider servant, and I think you stole from me a jewel that's worth a small fortune so... lead the way. **Y** **ou woke up something bigger than you can handle** "

Damn those sweaters weren't worth this kind of favor.

* * *

-EMIYA RESIDENCE-

"So, do we open it Saber?"  
"Be careful Shiro we don't know what could be inside it"  
"Ehm... this note on the box says -aid for mana transfer- and the box is produced by a company called -spicy nights-?"  
"I found the instruction: execute the first three points before Emiya opens the box and take out its content. 1 turn off the lights-"  
"How can we read the other points without lights?"  
"2 shut up Emiya the ink I used glows in the dark"  
"GH! That guy!"  
"3 actually turn off the lights"

* _Switch_

"Hey the ink does glow. Okay, I'm opening the box"  
"What's inside Shiro?"  
"Somekind of soft rod, but I can't see, what do the instructions say now?"  
"Ehm 4 remove upper clothing"  
"...really?"  
"Really"  
"Okay, it's dark so I have no problem, are you okay with this Saber?"  
"Shiro, before anything else I'm a warrior, I'm not bothered by such trivial things... also it's dark so is fine"  
"I.I already said that"  
"5 move closer"  
"Like this?"  
"I think so, ah, no, point 6 CLOSER YOU HAVE TO NEARLY HUG"  
"Are we sure he isn't spying on us?"  
"I'd be more scared by the fact we are so predictable for him"  
"... let's not think about that, what's next?"  
"7 place one extremity of the box content close to Saber's inner thighs, remove pants if necessary"  
"Ehm, I'm not sure-"  
"Follow the instruction Shiro, please"  
"But I.. Oh this is the part where you take the lead"  
"Yes that's what I'm thinkin- _kya!"  
_ "Saber are you okay?"  
"Yes It's _just... cold"  
_ "Okay, wait a second I'm changing the grip-"  
" _Ah, don't... don't push further Shiro_ "  
"...wait what the hell are we doing? What am I holding?"  
"Point 8 says to turn on a switch on the object"  
"No, Saber I think I know what I'm holdin-"  
* _switch  
*Vvvvvvvvvvvrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmm  
"KYA!"_

"Annnnnndddd this is a vibrator"

* * *

 **AAAANNNNNDDDD THAT WAS A VIBRATOR, INDEED.**

 **HI THERE EVERYONE, NO FIGHTS THIS TIME, JUST A LOT OF FORESHADOWING, 8MAN STARTS TO GO ON THE OFFENSIVE AND NOW HE IS GOING TO MEET THE LOVABLE ZOUKEN, ALSO WHY DOES HE KNOW KUZUKI REAL NAME (Check the loner I if you want, 8man always thinks of him as Kuzuki, but talk to him only in sir and etc). SAKURA STILL TRY TO HAVE HER SEMPAI TO NOTICE HER, BUT NOW SHE HAS BIGGER PROBLEMS TO DEAL WITH, YOU KNOW GUN IN THE FACE AND ALL, HARUNO MEET FOR A SECOND 8MAN AND SHIRO... WELL HE GOT HIS HANDS BUSY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, BETTER USE THIS M RATING AM I RIGHT?**

 **NEXT TIME THE NIGHTMARE**


End file.
